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Sora turned herself around in her bed again, pulling the covers over their head as she attempted to get comfortable. The unnaturally loud silence of night filled their ears as the words spoken earlier replayed in her head.
“But Sora’s right here”
Was that flirting? she couldn't tell. They didn't quite understand the whole “love” thing- never really had. It's not like she had stuck around long enough in Imperium for anyone in her grade to gain actual romantic feelings, but kids used to talk and pass notes about cute boys or hot girls. None of those were important or noteworthy to Sora, really. This was the first time they were really confronted with something like this, and it was frustratingly difficult to understand.
Sora threw the covers off angrily, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and lightly jumping down. Her footsteps were quiet as she slipped out of her room and down the hallway, out into the monastery's training grounds, currently a smooth floor. Sora walked to the middle of the circle and laid down, body chilled by the cold floor due to the cooler atmosphere of night. The chilly air played across Sora's face as they stared up into the sky, counting each star that appeared.
The sky resembles the same sky in the crossroads.
Despite the best attempt at clearing her mind, Sora couldn't get the comment out. Their stomach still churned at the thought. It was just a joke, a dumb joke, but it wouldn't leave. It was never a big deal, why did she have to start overthinking now? Why was the confusion making the sinking feeling worse? Before, in imperium, Sora had figured the lack of crushes was simply due to them being an outsider, but she wanted an outcast anymore, so why didn't this make any more sense than it used to?
“Sora?” She recognized the voice, and seconds later, Lloyd came into view.
”What are you doing out here?” Lloyd asked curiously, staring down at his student, currently splayed out on the training grounds floor in the dead of night.
“You first.” Sora responded.
Lloyd sighed, but obliged, “visions, nightmares, whatever you want to call them. I just kept going back to the same circle, and i didnt want to stay in my room. I heard quiet footsteps and followed. You?”
Sora stayed silent a second before responding, “Couldn't sleep.”
Lloyd nodded, seemingly understanding. “Mind if I join you?” he asked. Sora shook her head, moving a bit so the two split the center of the training grounds. Lloyd's company did little to silence the worries still invading Sora’s brain.
“It's not going to get better if you don't say something.”
Sora met Lloyds eyes. “What, you think I can't see you all tense? What's wrong?” Lloyd asked with a knowing glance before returning his gaze to the sky.
Sora sat up, pulling her knees into herself, thinking. The words felt silly on Sora's tongue as she considered speaking.
“What does love feel like?”
Lloyds demeanor changed. He sat up slowly, considering each word as he responded, “it's confusing. Very confusing. I am not the correct person to ask that,” Lloyd said with a laugh. Sora couldn't help but be ever so slightly disappointed with the answer, but the ever present curiosity slipped out.
“Why not ask you?” Sora blurted, somewhat intrusively. “Sorry.”
“Don't apologize,” Lloyd said with a wave of his hand, leaning back. “I haven't really had the best experiences with romance. Plus-” Lloyd held up his arm, wrist exposed due to the fact he was in a casual shirt, as opposed to the long sleeved gi’s normally worn by the ninja. On it sat a small string bracelet. In the darkness, the colors were barely able to be seen, but the shades of greens and white and grey and black were all there, swirled together.
“... what?” Lloyd smiled, but granted an explanation. “Nya made it for me years ago- its the aromantic flag. It means I don't feel or want romantic love, or I rarely do." Lloyd slipped off the worn bracelet and twirled it around one finger.
Sora's worries were unraveling. “THAT'S NORMAL?” They practically yelled.
“It's my normal.” Lloyd corrected with a small flinch.“Why?”
Sora shook her head, forcing out. “I think I might be that.”
“Aromantic?" Lloyd sat for a second. “Tell me why”
“I don't know. It's not like it's ever been a big deal to me. I've never craved, wanted or thought about romance. It was all just confusing to me. It makes me more uncomfortable than happy just thinking about it.” Sora finished, her eyes back up on the stars, hands tangled in their hoodie strings. It felt good, voicing the thoughts that had been eating her up inside for hours.
“Yep, sounds like it. In my case, I fell for someone, kind of. I felt a care and, for lack of a better word, pull to her, but nothing like what Nya or Zane might feel. Mine was more muted, if that makes sense, no inclination to pursue or do anything romantic. I was also incredibly confused the entire time- it was the first time I had found anyone any type of attractive, and I couldn't tell if it was romantic or platonic- but I had my family, the ninja, and they really helped- or tried to." Lloyd explained, laughing slightly at the last part.
“I kinda feel that way- I can't really recognize romantic love. I'm so confused, I don't know what's happening, I feel like somethings missing in myself- I should be having those crushes and gushing like Nya or Zane does-” Sora ranted, curling back into themselves as the doubts took over.
“Hey.” Lloyd interrupted. “There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing.” he reassured with a soft smile. “It can be hard to accept. I still doubt myself sometimes. But this is how i'm comfortable. I would advise you to do more research- there are plenty of smaller terms that could make you feel more secure. I'm personally happy just being aromantic, but,” Lloyd shrugged, “to each their own.”
Sora soaked in the new information as she considered it. “How would I-”
“Ask Zane? The pro of having a nindroid. He's pretty understanding- he helped me a lot. You can always go to the library- noot the monastery one, the one in ninjago city, or you could always just look it up. Whatever you want.”
The silence that followed was comfortable, as Sora finally felt the anxiety wash away.
“It's late” Lloyd broke the silence, standing up and stretching. “I'm going to try sleeping again, i expect you to also.”
Sora nodded, standing up and following Lloyd inside. She bid him good night as the door closed behind her. This time, the blankets didn't feel as strangling, and it was easy to drift off.