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First thing Ogata feels, is pain, splitting his skull apart, stinging sharp and hot, and in one struggling heave of air, gone.
Second thing Ogata notices is that he can't see. When he opens his eye, he finds only shimmering light, enveloping him, shifting and flowing like endless ocean waves of iridescence, like the blind of a snowstorm, visual noise.
Fourth thing Ogata does is hear himself mutter, "huh", when the third thing he does is note how that light feels. A solid and warm embrace, holding him tight and close, even if composed of something ephemeral. Not snow. Not water. Something tangible, holding him down, coiled around tightly, as if afraid to let go.
The fifth thing Ogata does is close his eye back and surrender to his fate.
When he opens his eyes again, it's dawn.
"Good morning, Ani-sama", he hears above his ear, and almost jumps, even if that voice is cautious and infuriatingly melodic.
Is this a dream? Ogata wants to ask, but stays his tongue. It all comes unusually slowly to him, a light sleeper all his life, now it's groggy and heavy, sluggish almost, putting his thoughts in order.
Before him, the sun is just reaching over to settle behind the rolling hills of grass green and flower white, all basked in warm radiant glow, rippling in waves again. And like a mirror, above them - soft foam of whispy clouds, leisurely drifting along with the wind.
A distant trail of smoke joins their herd. Last rays of sunshine are dancing on the leaves of a tree, where he's comfortably nested in the shade.
What on earth would have gotten in to him, to fall asleep here? He can't recall how he got there, and can remember less and less of the dream he had, except for the all enveloping warmth that is somehow still there.
He tries to stand, except he really can't, there's a pair of strong arms around his waist, a leg hooked over his splayed ones, a broad chest cushioning his back. So that's how it is.
He mentally curses himself out. Not only he fell asleep, unguarded, in the middle of nowhere, he also somehow managed to fall asleep in the presence of his brother, no, practically on top of him. Ogata swivels his head to look for his rifle. For the first time in what seems like an eternity, it's nowhere to be found.
"Please, just stay a bit more, ani-sama. You looked tired, you need to rest", Yuusaku's voice comes from behind him, and Ogata knows he couldn't try to escape his brothers clutches without a weapon, but right now for some reason he doesn't really feel like it, warm and content, enveloped in a soft body, the scent of grass and flowers, the warmth of the setting sun, he feels a bit like a cat, languid and warm, and against his best judgement, he just settles into Yuusaku's arms more comfortably.
Yuusaku laughs, his voice a windchime of youthful mirth. Ogata can't remember the last time Yuusaku laughed like that. All he can recall is distant cold, disquieting murmurs of a winter chill under a cracked door. In contrast, all of the sudden, this should be discomforting, but Ogata just feels nostalgic. There must have been a time.
"You know, I waited for so long, Ani-sama. I ran and ran after you, I called and called, but you just kept ignoring me", Ogata can hear a smile in his brother's voice, despite the sad tone, and as a warm hand comes up to tangle in Ogata's hair, petting him like he really is a cat, he can't seem to shake that sense of belonging, a desire to lean into the touch, something he himself recognises as unusual for him, but he can barely fight the need to indulge. He shouldn't feel like that. He shouldn't allow this. He still does.
Which makes Yuusaku laugh again, as he redoubles his scratching efforts. Something warm spreads from that touch, and it must be a dream, because Ogata actually enjoys the warmth. Maybe spending so much time in the harshness of winter is making him yearn for relief, but it's weirder than even his usual dreams, including the ones of his brother, which are invariably hot, clammy from the throes of fever and blood dripping from his fingers, onto a disfigured face he hated so much yet still couldn't erase from his thoughts no matter how hard he tried.
Ogata tries to shake himself out of this, this peace, his brother's arms, he doesn't deserve this, he should just go back where he were, alone, untouchable, freezing to death in his self-imposed exile. Yuusaku just shifts impossibly closer, pressing a kiss to the crown of Ogata's head, "I missed you. Please don't go yet. Stay", his brother croons, and it shouldn't feel like something Ogata wants to do himself, just stay, forever. It tears him apart inside, the impossibility of this offer, his willingness to go along with it, both horribly wrong, against his every feeling, against his entire being and just... so unlikely tempting.
When Ogata finally finds his bearings, turning to face his brother, expecting a broken face, a much too familiar dripping of blood, something, anything to tear him away from this dream.
Yuusaku is smiling at him. His stupidly handsome boyish expression, he hasn't aged a second, not even his usual cap is half-hiding his too bright face.
Ogata wants to scream, despite wanting not to, and when his voice rings out, through the murky haze of the scene enveloping him, it tears like a sharp gust of wind, crushing every leaf and petal, like a lightning strike, painting the clouds in the sky in eerie cold sharpness, like harsh snow, smothering all greenery.
"I can't. I'm going to kill you one day"
But in a lurching moment, just as the ground is about to fall from under them, just as Ogata heaves on the smell of familiar blood, it's all back, exactly the same, with the sun perpetually teetering just above the horizon, with the rasp of summer wind through the grass, when Yuusaku responds, his face brighter than the sun itself, Ogata almost wants to squint.
"Silly ani-sama, you already did. And I killed you in return, so we can be together again".
When Yuusaku kisses him, Ogata melts in his brother's arms, sun-warmed, tasting the same warmth from Yuusaku's lips, and for the first time, against everything he wanted before, for the first time in his life Ogata realizes. He actually wouldn't mind staying.