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I watched him die.
No matter how hard he tried, Iruka could never quite forget that moment. It was during Pain's attack on Konoha, upon confronting Nagato's Deva path. Some might have called his actions foolish but Iruka always rushed into things, led purely by instinct and his gut. He knew he couldn't win against a member of the Akatsuki but he sure as hell was going to do his best to try, especially if it meant saving someone's life in the process. People were dying right and left, Konoha was practically in ruins. He knew his sacrifice would be in vein but he had to try. He just had to. He could not watch anymore of his friends, colleagues, or innocent children die.
It happened anyway when Kakashi intervened...
After the chuunin exams, things between Kakashi and Iruka slowly began to change. What was once two ninja who were complete strangers, not knowing anything about the other but only of their mere existence through passing information from others around the village, slowly grew into a social acquaintances through the common factor of Naruto. Iruka knew of Kakashi's reputation- his genius level intelligence and mastery of jutsu, the fear and awe his sheer presence instilled in others. And through Naruto, he learned the man's other reputation- chronic tardiness, laziness, extreme lack of empathy, and his rather eclectic choice of reading material. And Kakashi too began to learn more about the school teacher- the man with fiery passion who was unafraid to speak his mind against anyone or any idea he disagreed with, regardless of the social hierarchy. And also the sweet, caring, compassionate man who wouldn't dare harm a fly and yet was a beloved teacher of the next generation of nin.
Both men began to realize that there were two or more sides of the other and this not only perplexed them but also kept them intreged and wanting to know more about each other. Soon the arranged meetings at Ichiraku by Naruto became rendezvous coordinated by the two older nin themselves. These often involved a few drinks at a bar or two before they transitioned to sole being held at Iruka's apartment. This all began because even though he had wanted to meet up with the silver haired fox, and had actually been looking forward to their meetings more and more, Iruka had more papers to grade than he had thought humanly possible. What he hadn't expected was for Kakashi to show up at his door with take-out ramen, sake, and the suggestion of having their get together there- even if it was nothing but silence between them as Iruka worked and Kakashi read one of his infamous books.
"Hatake-san," Iruka began in between sips of sake. The two were playing a game of go set up on Iruka's kotatsu.
"Kakashi." His voice was it's more drawn out lilt. He picked up a black stone and placed it on the board. "We're at the point where we can drop formality can call each other by our first names."
"Um... Kakashi-san..." Using the jounin's first name felt so weird coming from his lips and yet it filled him with this sense of empowerment. He was able to have such a genuine and natural feeling of familiarity with one of Konoha's most powerful warriors. Plus, the man was right now in his living room completely comfortable. Iruka could feel it by quickly probing his chakra. This was what he wanted to address.
"Kakashi."
"Ok... Kakashi, Please don't be offended with what I want to ask." he began. "But why did you decide to come over to my home? Or, more for that matter, wish to continue coming here instead of meeting up somewhere else?"
There was a pause and silence filled the room. Iruka looked down and furrowed his brow. He played with his sake cup a bit, feeling like he probably did in fact offend the man. His attention changed when he heard a soft clack. He looked up only to see Kakashi's hand move from the board to grab his drink.
"I like your company." His other hand went to his mask and pulled it down before taking a sip. Iruka sat there stunned, utterly speechless. "And you loose this round, by the way. I'll set up for the next game."
Being a shinobi meant that one must not only accept death but that one's own death is inevitable. A good shinobi must be willing to sacrifice his or her own self in order to protect others. That was what Iruka was ready to do when he confronted Pain. He knew he was out skilled but he was ready to make his sacrifice for his village. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He reflected on all that had happened in his life- his parents warmth and love, the pain he felt after their death, Mizuki's betrayal, how proud he was of Naruto, and Kakashi. A soft smile tugged at his lips. His body felt warm and light as he remembered that night in his living room, seeing the man's face for the first time; the huge amount of trust and comfort that was established between them that evening. His last thought was of Kakashi as he waited for that final strike.
It never came.
He opened his eyes only to see Sharingan Kakashi in front of him blocking the attack. Was he dreaming? Was this what death was like? Everything felt out of place. How was it possible that the last person he was thinking about would appear before him like a guardian angel?
"Run!"
Iruka quickly came to his senses but it wasn't because of the battle that was happening before him, it was the tone of Kakashi's voice. There was concern and worry, which was of course to be expected by a fellow teammate, but the level it held... the timber in which it trembled, almost sounding desperate. That shook the chuunin right down into his core.
Once he was out of harms way and made sure others were safely with medical nin, he rushed back to the battle, desperately wanting to help Kakashi. He needed to help him. He couldn't shake the sound of the jounin's voice nor the feeling it gave him that coursed through his body. He knew he was not at Kakashi's level but he could at least help distract Pain which would give Kakashi a possible time advantage. The man saved his life and he needed to desperately fight by his side in order to return the favor.
He reached a squad of fellow nin a few yards away from the fight. Just as he got there he felt his heart lurch, his chest tighten painfully as if he were being crushed. He watched as Kakashi used the last of his chakra in what would be his final attack. Iruka shook his head in disbelief, starting to become frantic. He tried to charge past his fellow shinobi in order to get to Kakashi but they held him back. He clawed at them, screaming that he needed to get to Kakashi. Couldn't they all see that Kakashi needed their help?! He refused to admit what he already knew... what they all knew...
I just watched you die.