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Sebas was at the cabin. It was a good party, everything he liked was reunited. He had a glass of alcohol in his hand, the music was loud in his ears, resonating in his chest, making his legs tremble, his friends were there with him too. All around him, talking and laughing. It was great to be with his friends… well with what he thought were them, at least he was sure this blond hair were Charlie’s but the others ? He couldn't really put a face on their bodies. He was a bit tipsy, maybe he shouldn't have accepted this last drink, which didn't really have any taste now that he thought about it. Had he even drinked it? His head was heavy so must have.
-Hey! This chick won't stop looking at you, when are you going to get your fingers out of your ass and go see her?
Charlie had pushed his shoulder with his own, at least he thinks it is his shoulder, and had almost screamed in his ear so much that Sebas made sure no one had heard him over the music. After making sure no one had heard him, Sebas looked in the direction his friend had indicated. The girl was cute, Sebas thought. Even though her face was a bit blurred, he could tell she was tall, with short, slightly wavy brown hair, and her red dress showed off her rather muscular calves. Probably a cyclist. Which suited the type Sebas liked pretty well. But something else caught his eye. Someone. Beckoning him to come closer. Sebas felt like a moth, approaching the only light on a dark night. As he approached his light, he brushed against the girl who immediately stopped him in his quest by placing her hand on his bicep. His light moved away, out of sight. Without him.
-Sorry I have something to do.
He tried but his voice was low. Weak. She probably didn't even hear him as she started talking, not caring that he can hear her despite the music. The music was really too loud, he even wondered if it was music, he couldn’t recognize the song, he couldn't hear anything. He rapidly became embarrassed and uncomfortable as she kept yapping and touching his arms but then he found himself unable to speak, his voice blocked in his throat as he noticed a knot was installed there since he doesn't know how long. And as she slowly slid her hand on his arm taking his hand in hers and making him completely incapable of thinking of anything he saw it again. His light was back somewhere else as prior but still as bright when their eyes caught, it became clear what Sebas had to do: "Let go of her. Listen to me.". It made him want to run but his hand was still held back by the girl and once again his light started disappearing. He couldn't let that happen, at this point he needed his light like he needed air. He looked down at the hand and noticed he was holding her too. He let go of her and looked at her face. He barely noticed her eyes. He was hot, his forehead covered with a layer of sweat.
-I can’t? I don’t want to.
She immediately lets go of him, offering him a reassuring smile. Her hair seems shorter now.
-It’s okay. He is waiting for you.
She left, leaving him alone and disoriented. Who was she even talking about? Fuck something was off. He should have listened to Zoe when she said that he was drinking too much and if he continued he would eventually pass out. He had never passed out after drinking too much, but if he had to guess what it might look like, he would certainly describe how he was currently feeling. That was bad. And then his light appeared, but this time Sebas felt it was his last chance. So he tried to put his glass on the nearest surface before realizing he no longer had a glass. He didn't bother to find out where his drink was and started walking with great strides. There was no world where he would let his chance slip away. He felt that he had already done it enough times anyway. As he exited the cabin he felt the fresh air on his hair and saw his light entering the forest, a few meters in front of him. He could make it. He could catch it and stuck to it, enjoyed its brightness and its warmth, giving it everything he had in return. He would give it everything, he would adore it until his last breath, follow it anywhere. He was already completely dedicated to it, body and soul.
His light started running but Sebas found himself incapable of the same, forcing him to walk as his light grew further and further away. He would never be able to catch up with it, at that thought he felt his chest tighten and his eyes filled with tears making his vision blurry.
-Wait !
His throat ached and his cheeks began to get wet from his tears. Alerted by his cry of distress, his light turned but didn't stop running. But now Sebas could make out his eyes, though. Hazel eyes, playful, as if even if Sebas couldn't catch him, he would come and retrieve him. As if it knew something Sebas didn't. As if it knew how it would all end. Sebas felt reassured, but not enough to not continue begging it to wait for him. Taking advantage of having regained the use of speech.
-Please slow down! I'll do anything for you! If you join me, if... if you take my hand, we can run together! Please!
His light smile at him showing its teeth as a black curl fell in front of one of his eyes, suddenly a voice was heard, but its light did not speak : "Shh, it's alright. I’m here.". His lights disappeared and Sebas found himself alone and lost in the dark forest, unable to go back to the cabin or the center.
-No… No no no !
His voice becomes weak again, useless. Damn he had lost it. He had missed it. He hadn't been fast enough, convincing enough. Or he just wasn't enough. He felt all his body hurt, mostly his head, and he was cold so cold his whole body started trembling until hands came on him, on his shoulder, arms and forehead, soothing him. “Sebas? Shh.. Everything is fine”
He tried turning his head around looking for the person soothing him, holding back more tears when he saw his flame.
-Roque?
His light, Roque, wiped his cheek with his thumb, picking up a lone tear and making it disappear.
-We're going to go back to the center. All right?
Sebas nodded, his mouth too pasty to speak, ignoring the fact that he had the impression of hearing Roque's sentence resonate. He felt Roque's hands on him, he felt lighter all of a sudden. Lighter and safer. It was nice. He let himself go. In confidence.
After the announcement of Jana taking over the management and everything that happened with Amaia, Roque really needed this night out, this party, he needed to drink and talk with friends, maybe even find a guy to flirt with. To fuck with. He needed to forget his problems, especially the one with mid-length hair, soft eyes and a childish smile. Unfortunately this problem was there laughing with his friends, kissing a girl whose first name he probably didn't even know and drinking as if there was no tomorrow not even looking at him while Roque found himself unable to take his eyes off him for a single second. At least that's what it seemed, but Roque was sure of it, Sebas felt his gaze on him and that's what drove him to drink so much. He had never drunk so much. Even Zoe, who was in charge of the music near the fridge, had told him to slow down on the drink. All of this prevented him from enjoying his evening. Damn, this guy really got under his skin.
-Hey Roque !
Zoe makes her way to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. He glanced at her, keeping Sebas in his field of vision.
-You should go see him. He's been drinking a lot and I'd be surprised if his friends would deign to help him if he were to pass out.
Roque rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders as the only answer. Sebas was big enough to take care of himself plus he probably wouldn’t want Roque near him. Yeah he was fine by himself and didn’t need Roque. It was very good like that, Roque didn't need him either. He was very happy on his own. He looked away, looking at the guy who had been hitting on him for 20 minutes. He might try to flirt back, take him to the forest, have sex and go to bed. He should do it. It's what he would have done before. Before Sebas.
-Uh Sebas? Fuck ! Help ! We need Help !
Shit Sebas had really ended up passed out! falling to the ground, shoulder first, next to a dead drunk Charlie screaming for someone to help his friend. It didn't take Roque 10 seconds to get up and run to Sebas. Pushing everyone out of his way and crouching down next to Sebas.
-Sebas ! Hey ! wake up !
Roque placed his hand on his bicep, squeezing it, trying to get a response, a reaction. Nothing. Only the movement of his Adam's apple reassured him. At least he wasn't dead. Around, even though Zoe had stopped the music everybody was loud wondering what was going on, why everyone was fainting lately, pushing each other aside to see Sebas yelling at Roque for answers. Roque ignored them, keeping his hand on Sebas's arm, hoping to bring him comfort for lack of anything better. He had passed out, there wasn't much he could do. But one girl didn't agree. The girl even approaches Sebas telling Roque that he was useless right now. But she was quickly taken aback when Sebas violently grabbed her ankle. Still unconscious.
-Hey Sebas ! Let go of her. Listen to me.
Roque noticed sweat on Sebas' forehead so he straightened up, sitting back on his heels and asked everyone to move away, they barely took a step back. Sebas’ eyelids tremble for a few seconds before he gently lets go of her. The girl quickly left.
-Sebas? Open your eyes for me. huh? Damn! For the last time, get away! And open those windows, he needs some air!
This time the others obeyed him, they all stepped back a good distance, most of them returning to the center, and all the windows were opened wide. Roque stood up and walked away too. There was no point in just sitting there and watching him. Maybe he could find something to help him? A wet towel or a glass of water... splashing water in his face should wake him up.
-Wait..
It was weak and muffled, but Roque wouldn't have missed it for the world. Sebas's sound of distress has hit him straight in the heart. Turning around, he saw tears begin to escape from Sebas's closed eyelids. Roque returned to sit on the ground.
-Please .. I'll do anything .. you..If you join me, if….. take my hand,..
Sebas's voice was so low that Roque felt like he was missing every other word, and that must have been the case because he didn't really understand what Sebas was trying to say. Was he even trying to talk with him? Roque didn't know, but he answered him, crossing his fingers so that it would help in some way.
-Shh, it's alright. I’m here.
And suddenly, Roque found himself unable to wait for Sebas to wake up alone. It wasn't enough. He had to do something. So he turned to the remaining people, looking for help, for an idea.
-No… No…
Sebas's voice seemed to break as his breathing quickened, his whole body shaking. Roque’s eyes were immediately back on him, placing his hand on him, on his shoulder to shake him lightly, then his wrist to check his pulse and finally on his forehead checking for fever to finish by caressing his forehead with his thumb, trying to sooth him.
-Sebas? Shh.. Everything is fine.
Sebas shook his head slightly from side to side before stopping in Roque's direction, and slowly his eyes opened. He was still in a daze, probably unaware of what was really happening and where he was.
-Roque?
Roque wiped his cheek with his thumb, picking up a lone tear and making it disappear. At least Sebas came out of his alcoholic coma.
-We're going to go back to the center. All right?
Sebas nodded, his mouth probably too pasty to speak and Roque gently lifted him up, carrying him princess style as Sebas fell asleep on his shoulder. He brought him back to the center followed mainly by the rugby team, Charlie and Cristian in the front row. Once he reached the dorm hallway, he found himself in trouble. He couldn't take him to his room even if that's all he wanted... damn now that the adrenaline was wearing off he realized how scared he had been to lose Sebas and he would give anything to keep him close for the night, not when Sebas didn't seem to want him, and certainly not with Charlie glued to his ass. So he would have to put him in his own bed, in his shared room with Charlie. Entering the room he put Sebas on his bed and started taking off his shirt. Charlie grabbed his shoulder and abruptly pulled him away from Sebas, who fell limply back onto his mattress.
-Hey ho ! What do you think you're doing here?!
Roque looked at Charlie askance, his brow furrowed, taken aback by the brutality of his gesture without understanding its cause. Then he understood, seeing Charlie's disgusted face.The very idea made him want to vomit. His stomach rose, how could Charlie think he would do this? He swallowed hard, noticing Cristian in the doorway. He looks at him, looking for help. He just needed to make sure Sebas was okay. That he would be okay for the night.
-Charlie let Roque do it. He's not going to do anything wrong to him. Just undress him so he can sleep better. Sebas needs sleep. Don't you agree? And you're in no shape to help him. Go wash your face and go to bed.
Charlie stammered a little before obeying, reluctantly, too drunk to fight. He went towards the bathroom, giving Roque a last hostile look. Roque walked back over to Sebas, taking off his shirt, and then started taking off his shoes. Behind him, he could feel Cristian's gaze. It was nice to have him there even though they hadn't really spoken to each other since the doping control.
-Thanks. For your help.
Roque nodded toward the door Charlie had left through. Cristian nodded, accepting his thanks without further ado and then left, leaving Roque alone with Sebas. This made Roque's heart ache, he was really losing all his friends one by one. He closed his eyelids tightly and took a deep breath. Sebas wasn't the only one who needed a good night's sleep. He then hurried to put Sebas in his underwear and put him under his duvet as best he could before going back to his own room.
Sebas felt something soft under him, a mattress, that felt nice. Slowly he opened his eyes, that he doesn't remember closing, and as he opened them, they were instantly blessed by Roque's smiling face. They were both lying on Roque’s bed, looking deeply at each other. Roque had his hand on his hips and Sebas loved that. The feeling of Roque’s hand on his bare hips, that's all he really wanted. They were no longer in the forest and certainly not in the cabin, they were in Roque's bedroom, in his bed. Roque must have been carrying him there. Sebas started giggling, for nothing really, and Roque joined him, caressing his cheek.
-You're handsome Roque.
Even Sebas could hear the smile in his own voice, He was completely screwed up for this guy. Years and years of repressing his feelings, his desires, his love to see himself give up everything for Roque. If he had been told that he would be attracted to a guy and that this guy for some unknown reason was also attracted to him, he wouldn't have believed it. Damn it and think he was with this guy on his bed, in his underwear. He could cry about it. Right here and there.
-I want you Roque.
Sebas saw a gleam in Roque's eyes, he was magnificent. Slowly, Roque raised his knee, wedging it between Sebas' thighs. Damn, he had a half-hard. Sebas was really a teenager in the middle of puberty near Roque. Always horny. His hands were tingling him, he wanted to touch Roque but he didn't know if he was allowed to do so.
-Can I touch you?
Roque nods and suddenly Sebas felt his hips moving front to back on Roque's thigh. Great, now he rubbed against his leg like a dog. But he wasn't trying to stop, no, instead, he grabbed Roque's hip in turn, using it to speed up his own movements. It was good. Quickly, as his movements on Roque's thigh became more and more frenetic, he felt a wet spot form in his underpants, wetting Roque's thigh. Fuck he was unable to harden thanks to a girl but he was soaking for a thigh. A muscular, toned thigh. Sebas decided that it was a really hot thigh.
-That's good..
Sebas whined and then almost cried when Roque put his fingers in his locks and pulled slightly. Shit, he likes it, if his moan was proof of anything. He never has been so horny, well, the shower in Italy was already high in the rankings, but that was different, more intimate. He really liked it.
-Roque do you… are you good?
His question was no higher than a moan.
Roque did not answer him. In fact he hadn't spoken since they started. He just grabbed Sebas by his boxer shorts, helping him move his hips faster. Sebas was about to cum. Just like that.
-Damn Sebas wake up!
Sebas woke up with a start, Charlie was sitting on his bed looking at him with a frown. Sebas looked at himself. He was in his underpants and had his blanket between his legs. In addition, he felt uncomfortably hot and his forehead was sticky with sweat.
-You've been dry humping your blanket for a while now... It was becoming embarrassing.
Sebas pulled his legs off his blanket, noticing a dark spot on it, his underpants were soaked. And then he noticed the worst : he was alone, Roque wasn't with him.
-Where is Roque?
As soon as his question left his lips, he saw Charlie's face decompose, displaying disgust. This agitated Sebas, he had just had an erotic dream, Charlie had noticed it and woken him up and now he asked where Roque was. Charlie was certainly not what we could call ‘smart’ but he wasn't completely stupid either.
-You're getting hard on Roque? Are you a hommo ? Fuck you disgust me!
Sebas wasn't even supposed to be here, he was supposed to be with Roque. He didn't want to argue with Charlie. He had to go now. He got up, put on the first shorts he could find and a vest and then walked towards the door. It wasn't nice to walk with a half-hard on and soaked, sticky boxer shorts but he did not wish to linger any longer. He had already lost enough time.
When we arrived in front of Roque and Christian's room Sebas knocked like a madman at the door. Not caring who he could potentially wake up. He needed to see Roque.
-Roque please open the door!
Sebas continued to knock, half lying on the door. If anyone saw him now, his reputation would be ruined. Eventually, Roque opens the door, Sebas barely caught up, grabbing Roque's shoulders before falling.
-I'm sorry. Please… Let me try… I want to be better for you. Please..
Roque, who was half asleep, now had his eyes wide open, quickly he took Sebas inside his room, closing the door behind him. Cristian was there. Asleep in his bed.
-What are you doing here?
Sebas looked more relaxed now that the door was closed. At least he hadn't been asked to leave.
-I dreamed of you. I wanted to see you… I needed to see you… I need you..
Roque took his hand and led him to his bed. He could see what Sebas meant by 'I need you’, it was always what they wanted anyway.
-Sorry we can't do that. Christian's here. And you're still drunk.
Sebas put his hand on Roque's leg. He looked a bit lost there, sitting on Roque's bed, barely dressed, his eyes shining and his mouth half-open. Suddenly he reproached Roque of him, leaving him room between his legs, and rested his chin on his stomach. Still looking at him.
-Do what?
Roque didn't give an answer but nodded his chin towards Sebas' crotch. Where on his light shorts a stain had appeared. The wetness of his underpants was now in plain sight. Sebas sank his head from right to left and hid his face in Roque's belly.
-Ignore that. It's not important. I just want to be with you.
Roque frowned. He didn't expect that. No one had ever told him that. No one had ever wanted to be ‘just’ with him. Other than his friends of course. Slowly he placed his index and thumb on Sebas’ chin, making him look at him.
-Sebastian... What are you playing?
Sebas hugged Roque, wrapping his arm around his hips. What happened earlier was definitely a dream, he had fully understood it now, and reality surpassed any dream. To be able to take Roque in his arms, to be able to hear him call him by his first name. He wanted to hear it again. He wanted Roque to call him that all the time and he wanted him to be the only one to do it.
-I want to sleep. With you. And wake up next to you. I want you to be the first thing I see when I open my eyes.
Roque took a deep breath, closing his eyes. Why did the closest thing to a confession of love have to be told to him by a half-drunk, half-sleepy guy? Roque moved away from Sebas and told him to lie down, then joined him in the bed.
-I want to kiss you, Roque.
Roque had to hold back his laughter. He was going to cry. Tomorrow Sebas will reject him. Yes, when he is sober and rested he will push him away and maybe call him back when the desire to fuck becomes too strong. Like the others. Like Diego. Roque didn't want that anymore. Never again
-If tomorrow you still want to, why not.
He tries to put on a smirk on his face before turning his back on him and falling asleep.
Roque woke up feeling something heavy on his chest and hot air on his face. As he opened his eyes he saw Sebas, already awake, his head on his chest and his eyes on him.
-I still want to kiss you.
Sebas was shirtless, his shorts were gone, and the more Roque looked, the more he realized that the underwear was his. Sebas must have changed during the night, unable to stand the dampness of his clothes. HIs brain disconnects, unable to think about anything other than Sebas in his underwear. And then as he took a deep breath and his brain was properly reoxygenated, he finished processing Sebas's sentence and then his presence. Sebas was probably sober, maybe hungover but it was still better than dead drunk, and he was rested but that didn't mean he ran away. On the contrary, he stayed, looked at Roque while he slept and decided that yes, he wanted to be there and yes, he wanted to kiss him. So that's what Roque did, he kissed him and gave himself up to what must have been the most incredible kiss he'd ever shared, even though he was bent and numb, he certainly stank of mouth and Sebas smelled of alcohol. Yes, it was by far his best kiss because it contained feelings he never thought he would feel, let alone receive. Because Sebas's moans were the most beautiful music he had ever been allowed to hear, to listen to. Because Sebas caressed his cheek with such tenderness that for the first time in his life he felt like he was truly seen and taken into account during an intimate moment. In fact, despite all the partners he had had in the past, he felt like he was sharing his first truly intimate moment. When they stopped kissing, both now sitting face to face on the bed, Sebas took one of Roque’s hands in his.
-Roque I want to be with you. If you agree to move forward a little at my speed with me, if you agree to take my hand, I am ready to run with you.
Roque giggled a bit at that and then kissed him on his lips.
-You are still a bit tipsy huh ?
Sebas giggled too.
-Maybe you're right. But i’m serious. Do you want me Roque ?
-I do. Sebastian.
Bonus :
-How did you do that at the party? You know ? Appear, disappear...? And in the forest, how did you do it? You were so far away and suddenly you were right there?
-What are you talking about ?
-At the party you were like a freaking light appearing and disappearing telling me to listen to you and ..and !
-Sebastian…you were in a complete alcoholic coma.
-No i wasnt…Fuck …I was? No wonder I thought it was all weird.