Chapter Text
“Good morning, Mafuyu.” Good morning, Mafuyu. Good morning, Mafuyu. Good morning, Mafuyu. There it was, her sweet little voice. No matter how much more she broke, the other girl’s saccharine breath in her ear was enough to glue the pieces of her idiotic, bloody, and twisted heart back together. Mafuyu played it again and again in her head like a broken record player. Finally, when the words created enough of a groove in her brain for her to feel satisfied, she opened her eyes.
Kanade—blurry and rotated in Mafuyu’s sideways, groggy vision—lay next to her, smiling. The words echoing in her ears, she reached across to smother the other girl in a hug, binding her in the blankets tightly. Kanade made no move to resist. She was still; compliant. Mafuyu dragged her fingers lightly along Kanade’s arms, then her thighs, pressing into fresh, raised bruises, just enough to make her shift slightly. Mafuyu breathed in the scent of the laundry detergent she had brought from her house in an effort to feel less homesick—she washed Kanade’s clothes with it, now, too. She fingered the soft fabric, stopping as she felt the rumbles radiating from the other girl’s stomach.
Right, they had skipped dinner after Mafuyu’s breakdown last night. Feeling a twinge of guilt, Mafuyu peeled herself out of bed, pulling Kanade with her. “Poor thing, you must be so hungry. I’ll make you breakfast. What do you want?”
Kanade slouched, letting herself be dragged by her girlfriend. Her head throbbed as the two of them waded through music sheets and other clutter in the dark. Her desktop computer lay untouched in the corner, gathering dust. Sunlight peeked from the blinds, allowing a shiny sliver of light to stream through the room, illuminating the girls’ intertwined hands. Rubbing her thumb across Mafuyu’s knuckles, Kanade replied, “Anything is fine.”
Silently, they walked to the kitchen, where Mafuyu decided to open the fridge. The door swung open and girls stared inside, eyes half-lidded, at the empty plastic shelves.
“Do you want to go shopping?” Mafuyu asked.
Kanade almost jumped at the opportunity to leave her Mafuyu-imposed house arrest, but didn’t take the bait. The last time they went out… It was a nightmare. She shook her head, trying to rid it of the memory of her girlfriend’s screams. Too risky. Mafuyu was still too broken. They’d both be happy ordering online and eating together at home.
“Good girl.” Mafuyu walked over to the couch and sat down, pulling out her phone. She patted the seat next to her. “Come here and tell me what you’d like.”
Kanade nodded, dazed, and wandered over to her girlfriend. Resting her head on Mafuyu’s shoulder, she stared hungrily at the brightly-colored breakfast foods on the screen. The fan they kept in the living room blew cool air into her face, pushing her bangs off of her forehead and draping her light hair across Mafuyu’s torso like a safety net. As the other girl scrolled through different cafes and menu items, Kanade pointed at the few things she found appealing. Before Mafuyu came to live with her, she wouldn’t eat breakfast at all, only noodles for lunch and dinner. Honami would often leave pre-cut slices of apple pie for Kanade to have, but she would only eat them later in the day. Plus, Honami didn’t come over anymore, obviously.
This caused a big argument, once—Kanade hated arguments, since she always tried to keep her girlfriend as happy as possible. She remembered how Mafuyu yelled, claiming, “Mochizuki-san isn’t necessary when you have me!”, and how she was the root cause of any problems between them.
Similar points were made when Mafuyu convinced Kanade that they should split from the rest of Nightcord, and should instead focus on reviving and rebranding OWN for just the two of them. This, of course, enraged Ena and Mizuki. The four of them had multiple late-night calls about it, and when Mafuyu blocked them, deleting both her own and Kanade’s personal accounts in the process, they came knocking at Kanade’s door, demanding answers; but, it was no use. Mafuyu had already made up her mind.
It was great. Ever since Mafuyu left her parents’ house on that night filled with pouring rain and frenzied tears, Mafuyu’s frosted-glass soul splintered into thousands of shards, able to slit flesh and draw blood with the slightest pinch. Her mother claimed pain was love, and she knew the warmth of Kanade’s notes was sometimes scalding, so when they started dating, it only made sense that that was the way things would go. Her mother took everything away from her, and when the only thing she had left was Nightcord at 25:00, she took that away as well. Control, control, control. She would grasp onto the anchor Kanade was letting down for dear life, chain her to the ocean floor, bite the bitterness away and spill sugar crystals into the fresh wounds. There was no need for perfect scores or mothers or illness when strings of sticky sugar-spun caramel bonded them together.
Kanade understood Mafuyu’s reasons for it all. Kanade stayed quiet, loyal, and devoted. Mafuyu dangled, from her delicate, scarred fingers, promises of safety, kindness, and pain love. Kanade grasped onto it all with the saliva-soaked paws of a puppy. What reason was there to disagree with her girlfriend when agreement would mean that Kanade could see her smile? It was all for Mafuyu. Everything for Mafuyu. Even when she sometimes made mistakes and hit her, or broke something in the house, Mafuyu would always make up for it somehow, whether it was allowing Kanade to visit her father, or by spoiling her with cuddles and kisses and sex (if she was lucky). Plus, they still made music together. If this was what could help save Mafuyu, so be it.
Within the hour, the food arrived. Mafuyu slipped a small thank-you note underneath the door, and waited for the sound of ignition and screeching tires before cracking the door open just enough to grab their package and slip it inside. She turned to Kanade, grinning. “It’s here!”
Nodding, Kanade started to remove utensils from the kitchen drawers, when Mafuyu rushed behind her to stop her. Leaning her head on Kanade’s shoulder, she whispered in her ear, “I’ll do it. You can sit down.” Mafuyu proceeded with opening the food in the bag, setting it on the table for breakfast one at a time. Kanade sat patiently on one end, fidgeting with the fork in her hand slightly. Once everything was ready, the two girls folded their hands and gave thanks for their food in unison.
Mafuyu watched as Kanade cut a small piece of her waffle with focused precision, bending her head to put it into her mouth. “Hey.”
Kanade paused, lowering her fork. “Y-yes?”
Mafuyu looked down at her own plate, poking the first waffle in the stack and creating a small dent in its fleshy skin. She sliced off a piece with her knife, picked it up with her fork, and leaned across the table, edging her chair closer to Kanade with a loud scratching noise as it rubbed against the floor.
Looking at her girlfriend quizzically, Kanade asked, “What are you doing?”
“Please? I know eating is hard for you. How about I just feed you from now on?”
Her face turning red, Kanade ducked away from the food. “I can eat by myself. Mafuyu, it’s alright.”
Mafuyu frowned, pushing the fork further into Kanade’s space. “No, take it from me.”
Kanade shook her head and picked up her own utensils, focusing on ignoring her girlfriend. Before she could realize it, however, Mafuyu grabbed Kanade’s plate and pushed it off the table. It smashed into numerous ceramic pieces on the floor, spreading throughout the kitchen in every direction. Kanade’s hands instantly flew to her ears and she winced when she felt a sharp pain in her leg.
Shaking, she looked up at Mafuyu, who was still holding the fork up with a completely innocent expression. Kanade silently took the bait, leaning forward to bite down on the slice of waffle. The explosion of artificial sweeteners on her tongue was mixed with salty droplets of tears. Once she had chewed and swallowed it, Kanade glanced back at her girlfriend, expecting to see a lovestruck grin on her face.
Instead, Mafuyu frowned again. She put down the empty fork and extended her palm across to Kanade, cupping her cheek. She wiped the tears from Kanade’s eyes with her thumb. “Did the noise scare you?” Her voice cracked.
“A little bit…”
“I’m so sorry!” Mafuyu exclaimed, starting to sob as well. Her voice echoed through the kitchen. She hiccuped, and then brought her face close to the other girl’s. Seeing Kanade tense up, she kissed her along her jawline multiple times. When this only elicited more splintered breaths from Kanade, Mafuyu relaxed her body, her limbs falling limp.
Kanade immediately took her girlfriend in her arms, a sense of panic building in her chest. “Are you alright, Mafuyu?” She undid the purple-haired girl’s ponytail and carded her hands through the waves gently. Sniffling and willing herself to stop crying, she held Mafuyu as she started to convulse, leaking snot onto Kanade’s shirt. The shard of ceramic in her leg stung, and she knew it was probably dripping blood onto the floor, but it was nothing she hadn’t experienced from Mafuyu before. Right now--right now was about comforting her girlfriend. Kanade cursed at herself under her breath, wondering why she didn’t just take a bite of the food immediately. Mafuyu was so kind to offer some of her breakfast, and now it ended up with half of their food and a plate wasted; utterly destroyed, just like their relationship could be if Kanade wasn’t careful. And if Mafuyu was left all on her own…
Rubbing circles into her girlfriend’s back, Kanade apologized, “This is my fault. I’m sorry. You’re right, let’s eat together.”
“I’m--” Mafuyu took a gasping breath and sat up. “I’m just trying to take care of you!”
“I know.”
“I just want the best for you!”
“I know.”
“I love you, Kanade!”
Kanade swallowed. “I love you too, Mafuyu.”
Mafuyu wiped her tears and smiled. She first looked down at the kitchen floor, admiring the mess, and then her eyes drifted to her plate. Poking the waffles with her index finger, she realized they had gotten cold. “I don’t want to eat anything anymore,” she pouted. “Are you still hungry?”
The other girl shook her head despite the incessant ache in her stomach. It’s punishment, she reminded herself. It’s proof of her love.
“Okay, me neither. Come on, let’s clean up.”
“H-hey, I thought we were done?” Kanade asked, startled. She flinched when Mafuyu’s hands began to move upwards, sliding her tracksuit off of her shoulders, exposing her bare skin.
The girls were sitting on the floor of their room--well, Mafuyu was sitting on the floor. Her plastic first-aid kit was open and her supplies were spread out on a mat. The smell of antiseptic cream and uneasiness permeated the air. Kanade was teetering on the edge of her desk chair, hands gripping the armrests, and right leg stretched out with her ankle dutifully bandaged. As the two were cleaning up in the kitchen, Mafuyu had noticed Kanade’s limp and asked if she was hurt, to which Kanade denied it. Upon noticing the shard poking out of her skin, Mafuyu demanded they take a break to tend to the wound.
Mafuyu paused. “No. What about your other injuries from yesterday?”
“It’s fine, they’re healing on their own. They don’t even hurt,” Kanade lied.
“Show me?” Her voice was concerned and laced with nothing but kindness. Without waiting for a response, Mafuyu continued to pull on the sleeves of Kanade’s outer layer.
“I don’t feel… comfortable doing that.” She gently grabbed her girlfriend’s hands and lifted them up and away from her, adjusting her tracksuit back to its usual position and zipping it up for good measure.
“Why not? I’ve already seen every inch of you. I mean, just last night--”
Kanade interrupted her with a deep breath. “Last night you hurt me, Mafuyu. I know you didn’t mean to, but you still hit me… a lot…” she trailed off, shoulders raising when her girlfriend looked bewildered. Shit. That was a mistake. Why did I even say anything?
“Stop talking about that,” Mafuyu snapped, standing up. “You know that I’m still getting used to feeling things again and sometimes those feelings are so intense that I need to take them out somehow. And it’s either on myself or on you, right? And you love me, right? And you should be grateful that I’m apologizing and treating you so nicely afterwards, right?” Her voice continued to raise more and more after each sentence.
Kanade tried to stand up as well, but lost her balance as she tried to put weight on her bandaged leg. Mafuyu caught her as she tripped and held her tightly against her chest. Kanade wheezed, feeling like waves were knocking down her body over and over again.
“I even got us such a nice breakfast, but for some reason, today you feel the need to be difficult.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll listen to you, I promise.”
“Do you want me to leave? I can do that.” The words were scathing, but Mafuyu said them softly and slowly, a threat blanketed in sickeningly-sweet fondant.
Burying herself deeper into her girlfriend, Kanade’s eyes widened in fear and she shivered. “Stay.”
“Good girl.” It was the right answer. Kanade felt herself being lifted off of the floor, and she squeaked, flailing her limbs as Mafuyu carried her across the room and lowered her into their bed. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that Mafuyu was just staring down at her.
Walking across the room, she grabbed both the medical supplies and the mat, laying them out on the bed. Kanade stayed still as Mafuyu peeled off both Kanade’s tracksuit and her shorts, and she bit the inside of her cheek when her girlfriend pinched each of the bruises in succession. Mafuyu noticed her distress and brought her palms up to caress the other girl’s face. She climbed on top of her, planting her knees right next to Kanade’s hips and bending down to kiss her.
Kanade kissed back half-heartedly, hyperventilating through her nose. Her body ached. She squirmed desperately. Her girlfriend’s lips were soft, but she couldn’t feel any pleasure from the sensation, even when Mafuyu licked the entrance pleadingly.
When Kanade refused to let her in, Mafuyu pulled back slightly. “I’m sorry. I’m going to make it all better now, okay?”
“I know.”
“I love you, Kanade!”
She shifted her head, away from the piercing eye contact. “Yeah, I… I know.”