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This meeting, standing outside under clear blue skies with an endless limit and crisp air, he met the near carbon copy of Rengoku Shinjuro
Rengoku Kyojuro
Except what differed them was not their appearance (far from it in fact), yet rather of how contrasting their personalities were
Giyuu had become the newly appointed water hashira around some time before the widowed father had retired and laid his nichirin down. He had some interactions with the man to get an idea of what he was like
He had come to the simple conclusion that Shinjuro-dono was not a tasteful man to appreciate in comparison to the other hashira of the time
Yet now, standing at the veranda near the sickly master, was perhaps the softer and younger version of that elder. Or at least, from how he appears standing there. Giyuu identified a body language that could give him a debriefing of what he should be prepared for
He wasn’t wrong as he now saw this man properly meet his new peers, shaking their hands and bowing slightly in respect and smiling warmly with edges of excitement and enthusiasm. He was rather ecstatic to his new role
When everyone had their turn with Kyojuro in greeting him, it was now only Giyuu himself left to introduce himself and welcome him; that much was clear as gazes started turning to him in expectation
It was rather irritating. He would’ve liked to do this naturally without critical gazes, but social expectations were such an annoying thing that suffocated him as if he were underwater.
Despite the tense stiffness in his soul, he made two long strides towards their new comrade—who didn’t stop looking at him with a look Giyuu didn’t want to fixate on—extending his hand to shake his as a tender smile appeared on him, only to be surprised when it wasn’t returned yet denied as the water hashira lowered his abdomen in a deep bow nearly bending him in half. Back straight as a board, hands enveloped together behind him, and tied up hair falling over his shoulder
He rose back up, same motion as before, never extending his hand to accept the others.
He looked at him in the eyes, lowering his chin in respect
“Tomioka Giyuu”
It stayed like that for a bit
Rengoku just looked at him dumbfounded, eyes wide and mouth a little agape, perhaps nervous of such a respectful and formal greeting in comparison to the rest. They were casual, friendly, or just accepting. This was more unexpected for him
‘Eh, he’s so pretty’
That was the first thing Kyojuro thought when he saw him
He tried smiling again, albeit a little nervously now
“I’m very honored to meet you!”
He tilted his head to the side
“What is your Breath?”
He really wanted to try to make it more casual, create friendliness and familiarity between them, not repeating what the master had already said to make the interaction weird. Yet, it couldn’t be avoided as Tomioka stayed quiet, making Kyojuro feel awkward
“He’s the water hashira, actually.”
Uzui—whom he got to know as the sound hashira—answered for him, grabbing everyone’s attention
He grinned, creating a weightless climate. Taking one step forward and clapping his hand on Tomioka’s shoulder roughly, yet Tomioka only flinched slightly, barely wincing, as if accustomed to the treatment.
“Though, he is quite the silent one. Can’t even hear a breath or heartbeat from him!”
There were some snickering, though (most) not cruel, but rather finding Tengen humorous in how he descripts someone. Awkward grins turn into a more pleasant one instead.
He turned back to look at Tomioka, still finding him beautiful with every glance he turned at him. He was sure to feel shame for it. He bowed, not as profoundly, but still respectfully, as he closed his eyes for trust. He raised himself and somehow, smiled even brighter
“I hope we can become friends, Tomioka-San!”
Still under that intense look, Giyuu just curtly nodded and blinked away, stepping aside and letting everyone else take control as he disappeared from the rest.
He had no interest in kindling such relationships. Perhaps a nasty habit, yet he finds it disrespectful to the dead for him to make such hardships when he stole the life of someone who deserved this kindness more than him. More so, reclaim it with his own words and announce it when he in reality should’ve been announced dead a long time ago
It would’ve kept the world in the order it should’ve been in from the start
Yet even so, as time goes on and he starts seeing the new man more and more, on appointed missions together, bumping into each other during patrol, seeing each other on the streets, even taking notice of the other when they happen to be at the butterfly estate at the same time
One thing he learned, though, from whatever kind of relationship Kocho tries to create with him, is that Rengoku is very often appearing at the butterfly estate with more injuries than he should have. Even if he came from a mission, bridled from a demon, there are certain marks that weren’t from whatever ghoul he killed off.
He didn’t intentionally mean to learn this, it was rather some sort of mix of gossiping complaint and concern from their medic
Next time, he saw that sunshine of a man with a bruise on his forehead, yellow and nearly faded by now, and he just wondered how clumsy Rengoku must be
He didn’t pry
In truth, he appreciated the appearance of him
He enjoyed their time together, even as Rengoku was the one who talked for the both of them. He talked a lot, so much so that Giyuu could only remember so much of the information he spilled. Lord, he doesn’t even think Rengoku was keeping up with himself, moving at a pace that appeared as if he was impatient even with himself. He fit a lot of energy inside of him that was perhaps too high-maintenance for him to control
It was fine, it made up for how lazy Giyuu felt in their companionship
Initial respect had easily grown into gratefulness, and over time, he started to really adore him
He was strong, talented, and fast, kind yet also stern and honorable. He was so determined and immensely noble to his role
He was odd, yes indeed. The bug-eyed stare he had, the weird way he spoke and worded his sentences with random pauses or cut-offs, the lack of control he had over his volume (if he was excited, his tone would rise higher, yet lower if he was more relaxed). In truth, Rengoku was weird.
Who was Giyuu to judge? It’s not like he was even close to normal; in no short distance would he be able to reach being even better than Rengoku. He already knew that since the first day in honesty
Rengoku, despite the aloofness that Giyuu is, continued being kind, and even kinder as he assisted him when he could.
Helping him up or cover a wound, praise him, and always try his best to be of service to Tomioka.
He was allured by Tomioka
This only continued. Perhaps Rengoku started having more solo missions, or more missions with Tengen, as they got along immensely well, matching each other in every way possible, never missing anything out between them.
Over time, they saw less and less of each other, only being present in the memories they own
The next time he sees Rengoku, he is being treated in the Butterfly Estate. His ears are covered in care, gauze and plasters over them, the skin around discolored with yellow and some specks of red. He looked miserable lying in bed unaware of everything going on around him, face frowning in what could only signify a cranium-splitting headache if anything
Giyuu only stared at the sight, Rengoku unaware of his presence there as he couldn’t have even heard him walk by
When a younger butterfly sister with pigtails and blue eyes came in, he asked her quietly what had even happened
Poor Rengoku of all people, had his eardrums damaged pretty badly from a screaming demon he had dueled the night before. He wasn’t entirely deaf, but he would have a hard time listening to quieter things now. It’s a shame, really, cause Giyuu never really speaks in a tone other than something low and soft (if he ever did even speak)
There wasn’t much anything Giyuu could do except sympathize for him. So, with very little inside him and a broken heart, he walked away without even making his presence known to Rengoku at all. Maybe it would’ve made him feel better that someone was worried for him, or he would feel like some sort of pathetic pity party
After a while, he came to notice that the few times he caught witness of Rengoku, he spoke in a much higher tone—most likely trying to be able to hear himself talk—while some of those around him tried to copy it so they would hear him just as good. Other times, though, he saw Rengoku stare at someone's mouth when they spoke
It was weird, looking at someone’s lips when they speak of you (though in honesty, he could even look someone in the face at all, so he is rather arrogant to say such things)
Immediately after, though, he saw the look of what Rengokus face looked like when he was processing something. Digesting a piece of information to understand it properly
Giyuu could only pull a stunned reaction as he realized just how determined Rengoku is. He can’t hear so well anymore, yet he doesn’t allow such a trivial thing to get in the way of him befriending those around him. He refused it, didn’t aby the difficulties, and immediately pushed through it instead of loathing his own ears. He doesn’t want to doubt that maybe this skill was just possibly developed through his frustration. Yet even then, not to whine and cry about it and let it ruin your life
Giyuu can only watch in utter glory at the maturity, feeling utter embarrassment of himself of the fact how he’d be the opposite.
Everything about Rengoku just seemed perfect. Flawless as he put his all into whatever he attempts. He doesn’t think those hands could do any wrong at this point. Perhaps it’s a stupid revelation to make from feeling cathartic at seeing a nearly deaf man perform another way of understanding what people speak, yet it gets to him in some way that doesn’t allow him to rest peacefully in nis emotions
He really adores Rengoku. His erratic nature is amusing to him, and on;y day after day does he think of him as someone noble and full of honor
He couldn’t compare really. It looked like Rengoku had some sort of flame in him, a sort of light inside of him that can’t be dimmed even if Rengoku tried to do it himself. There was a certain force of him that is just so beyond him like the sun in the sky
In later days, he sometimes catches Tengen looking at him from the corner of his red-painted eye, albino white eyelids unblinking as if examining him
Tengen is one of the more critical and judging Hashiras. Perhaps not cruelly judging someone, but more so putting you on a certain mental scale he has to decide what you are alike to him so he can identify what to feel about you. Usually, everyone he met all had this one persona; a persona to greet and welcome others before it slowly dissipates and they reveal their behavior as a stranger or friend depending on what the interactions between the two of you go like
Tengen already rebelled against this behavior and went Straight to deciding how he perceives someone off their visual characteristics and seeing what that tells him about the other. From then on, he will sort of always treat and see you like that. Of course, it can metamorph into something just the ittiest bit different off the relationship that has been kindled between both parties
It was interesting. It was confident. It was terrifying
Despite having been friends with Tengen before, he felt a rather violent fear creep inside of him as goosebumps grow on his skin like a chicken pox pandemic. Judged and perceived by sharp, fuschia eyes was oh so terrifying for him. Tengen made his conclusions and stuck with it, deduced and understood everything just by looking at it and deciding what he wants to do with it the way he wants to
Tengen does whatever he likes with Giyuu because he understood theres is just so many things with Giyuu he can let slide when he noticed just so perceptively how Giyuu seems to diminish the value of his person in ‘his’ role
It was inescapable to avoid Tengen really. So to see him suddenly so wary again- after so long of them having a closer bond for interest to suddenly peak out of nowhere
Giyuu felt overwhelmed and unnerved
He shook his head
Perhaps it was just the height that terrified him so much
What a lousy excuse really….
Rengoku didn’t disappear though. He came back like a firefly to a lamp post in the night. Shining brightly around dead darkness. Except he started doing things that he wasn’t supposed to know about
Some things that if he recalled, only Kanae and Tengen were supposed to know back when the three of them were a group before drifting apart after the flower died.
He’ll damn every person who ever said overthinking lead nowhere, because he just knew something was peculiar all of a sudden. He was right
Tengen and him were friends; Tengen learned some things about him through their friendship; now Giyuu knows Rengoku; Tengen befriends Rengoku; suddenly Rengoku knows things people like Tengen only know about.
Flare it and stroke his ego (that he doesn’t have) like its a pet, claiming he is the ultimate deducer and so smart. He could do all those foolish tricks really, some people such as Sanemi would even believe it was genuine from his end from how his rage painted version of Giyuu clouds him
Except, he didn’t know how to feel about it. Tengen, although someone who gossiped, never really exposed such intimate things like that. In truth, Tengen probably even thought it weren’t the type of information to be whispered from ear to ear, and more something for himself.
The flame hashira seems ever persistent to make an effort of creating friendships (like Kocho in a way)
How could he even fathom up any idea of an emotion he should feel at the hypothesis that Rengoku asked Tengen about Giyuu so he could accustom to him?
For what reason would he do something so interpersonal just to be friendly? How’d he even know he and Tengen were closer once? Tengen doesn’t flaunt past relationships around, he lived in the present and worried about nothing else calling the present a gift
Rengoku was curious about Tomioka himself and took upon it himself to ask people about it. Of course it would be Tengen he asked first too- he was the one that concluded Giyuus introduction in the first damned place- he pieced together he knew Giyuu more than just from the surface off of that alone!
What could the sun ever want to do with the dirt on the ground?
Already, Rengoku drives him madder than what Sanemi and Iguro have done all this time. In fact, they ought to be jealous with how Rengoku had so easily gotten under his skin so quickly
He couldn’t even be mad, just so, so overwhelmingly, exasperatedly confused of why he wants anything to do with him
He couldn’t reject him though, he should be grateful for the few beauties he is spoiled with. Yet even if the contrasting thoughts believed he was thieving for things that don’t belong to him, someone else deserved
He just wanted to at least feel a little better
Despite the fright and terror, it’s troublesome to feel that Rengoku could ever harbor curiosity spiking from malice and cruel intent. If he wanted to think logically and discard himself to the side, Rengoku was most likely making an attempt to get closer to him
Logically, not everyone can see Tomioka the way he sees himself. He should understand that people are curious of the things they don’t know about, unlike him
Kyojuro had hoped to create some sort of blossoming between them to absorb everything that Tomioka was. He had considered him as someone who was constantly fleeting from his reach, never in arms length with him even if he reached out impossibly more. So close yet so far away as if it was nearly sacred for unition between him and Tomioka
Tengen knew a lot
—”He ain't that bad of a guy, honestly” the sun was blasting and Kyojuro was already sweating; body heat higher than the usual persons temperature. Tengen didn't seem as bothered, he must circulate just fine. How lucky
“he is sort of gloomy though” he said that while turning his gaze from the sky to the stoned city floor ahead of them as they stepped through the streets of Tokyo, one arm crossed and holding his elbow as the other rested his pointing finger to his chin in thought.
‘that much can already be obvious though, I fear’ Kyojuro didn't say this outloud. It was a rather rude thing to say, despite if it was true or not. Some observations are meant to be silent to ones self. He doesn't hold it against Tengen though to sharing his thoughts, he had asked for them anyways
Kyojuros postured softened though as a somber look bled into his features
‘he has a beautiful sad face though ‘
It was wrong for Kyojuro to thing and feel this way for another man. He had strictly told himself that he was going out of his way to befriend Tomioka on a friendlier note just to ease himself a bit. His self control should not slip, that sort of weakness is not supposed to be found in men like him: soldiers.
“but he's soft” he turned his head curiously at his friend, raising a thick, black eyebrow up at him
“he seems stoic and all, less talk more walk type stuff, ye know?” Tengen cocked his head to the side, eyeing Kyojuro and connecting their gazes to see the understanding in him, flicking away again to think
“In truth, I think he's kind of emotional without even realizing it. I never saw him cry before, but when he gets particularly upset, he’ll start trembling and shaking and have this miserable look on his face and his heart rate slows unnervingly.”
Kyojuro frowned at that, mouth gaping a bit as he took this information in. It's in truth, such a sad thing to hear. He felt guilty for no clear reason
“he was a good friend though, sometimes I miss him at time”—
He felt like a disgusting starved dog chasing after the bone he cannot have. It was taboo, such a vile thing and yet he has fallen into the topic despite how he tries to refuse embracing it.
He wanted connection but couldn't allow the connection he truly wanted. The only acceptable thing to accept was shame and humiliation for such verming desires and feelings. At a young age, he learned from history books his tutors read him through of just how just vile such a thing was. Befriending Tomioka was perhaps selfish of him, something unconsensual and manipulative. He felt like he should retreat and neglect, he really should, it was sin to do such a thing.
Kyojuro wanted to comfort himself and say that he was beyond it, that ignoring such a thing is conquering the devil inside of himself and proving himself of his strength. Because then he can prove his mother right once more against what his father tells him. He just wanted to make his mother and father proud, even if they were both dead in different ways.
It was almost as if him and Tomioka were clearly not meant to coexist. His voice was soft spoken and airy like his voice was made of flowing wind, while Kyojuro was inaudible to decibels so low. He didn't care though, he was fast to adapt to changes he must change
Tomioka was irresistible, desirable and alluring and so well skilled and mature- but he wanted control of the irresistibility, show his responsibility and lead it instead to prove his strength.
over time, Kyojuro learnt small things about Tomioka he is proud of knowing after having learnt it from continuous conversations that only had his voice strike out through the coherencies
He enjoyed sweet foods, surprisingly, yet never too often or overly dolce, he snacked them quite often whenever he liked. Said something that ‘his mouth got bored’ damn Kyojuro if he found that rather interesting
There was a lot for Giyuu to share that Rengoku wanted to learn about non stop. Infatuation wrapped around Rengoku like tentacles on its next meal
It was late one time, Giyuu making a heavy treck to a wisteria house still open. His body was exhausted, invective demons having worn him down as he was already constantly loomed with continuous thoughts that shouldn't meet the day and hid behind his insecurity
A melody had danced between the walls, bouncing around in a sweet harmony as one of the girls greeted him politely, offering him a room for the night as she contexted about the dinner the house offers tonight. He had seen this girl before some times, she was fairly good, and even in better mood with the music playing
Violin notes were loud. It was seldom to hear handmade music in a place of refuge for corps slayers.
Some notes were deeper, almost odd as if compensating for missing instruments, trying to replicate its same chords and tunes on one instrument
What a romantic instrument
The violin
Walking to his room with a pair of change folded in his hands given by the same girly, he came across only one occupied room dimly lit with a warm oil light. Silhouette of a person moving as they played their instrument
He came back later once he wasn't grimed with soot and blood, then proceeded to dit at the far end corner of the corridor listening to the music
It would be embarrassing to be caught like this, really. If he was any more sober and well, he would've laid in his bed and appreciated the muffled sounds from there.
Tonight he was tired, lonely and deprived.
Was it masochism if antisocial people put themselves in situations to get caught socially? Perhaps someone runs into him and their mind runs loose now of what they think of him. The worst part is that they could come up to Giyuu and interrogate him
It was nerving to humiliate himself like that
Yet his dignity sunk today as his eyes felt heavy like dreams trying to chase him to places he won't remember once he rises
His head laid against his knees he desperately wraps around, hair falling around him in a loose, ebony mess. He looked anything but the a hashira–it wasn't surprising–
One moment he felt like he was floating and then suddenly dragged back by the back of his neck. Thoughts somewhere between real and lucid creations. In-between this space, it's like nothing is real and everything exists. Morphing reality in what his mind wants it to be in his dreams as he listens softly with no intent
Giyuu doesn't know when the his unconsciousness came to a halt as he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Not shaking, not tightly holding onto him like some sort of lifeline, just there, softly with unimaginable warmth
And when Giyuu lifted his head up, lazily like some sort of string pulling him up, all he saw was fanned back golden blonde hair with red and carmine eyes. Tan skin and sun kissed freckles
And yet a smile that is blinding. Not in how bright and powerful it was, but because it was raw purity of kindness in it's truest form. Yet it was directed at him
Of all people, him, and it made him want to sob till rivers flowed from his sockets and his eyes escaped from the lids. Wash away like lotus flowers on a stream to the next heaven
“Are you sleepy? Tomioka-san?”
“Ah, yes-”
“We should head to bed then! I apologize, it wasn't my attempt to-”
“The music- I thought….where'd it go?” When did it even end…?
Rengoku just looked all the more happier. Somehow, impossibly happier. It made no sense how it was possible for this sort of joy to be reached in an existence within this one
“I was playing! I couldn't sleep, and felt rather tandrem of boredom decease me from the inside. The house had some old instruments, so I borrowed one politely”
He doesn't understand much, everything about Rengoku to him was just somewhat weird in a way. His speech even confused him, his wording and the words he used. All he really got from that is that Rengoku plays the violin and was making that harmony himself
Perhaps it was here when Giyuu fell in love. He doesn't know, the lines are blurry and none of it really makes sense. It never actually did, as everything just went through him as if he was a translucent ghost–perhaps should've been–
“I didn't know you play”
He talks like a sailor day and night, everything poured from him easily, yet he never picked up on this. Rengoku must really only talk about the things he is currently fixated on. It was unfair, because everything inside of Giyuu wanted to dissect all information of value. Wether something as simple as what side he lays on while sleeping, and to how he wanted to pass away
He placed his other hand on his shoulder–something that the sun could not even compare to–and brought the both of them to their feet. He leaned his head forward, his voice lower like how he first spoke back then
“I'll tell you more about it later”
A sheepish grin crossed his face
“We are very tired tonight”
He'd look like an idiot if he tried to deny these statements as his body was already swaying by itself
It didn't matter though how deeply he fested in sleep, the interim between his fall and rise never assured the droughtful sadness in him. Everyday he woke up numb. A force of habit, really.
The blankets were always cold
At breakfast, Rengoku had happily went on about the violin
–”I played mainly for my mother, she very much enjoyed what the composed notes sound like when it's the violin making it's attempt!” He stuffed a bite of tofu in his mouth, exclaiming of its taste
“I had stopped playing some time later though to focus on my training. I wanted to survive the final selection, so as to multitasking both an instrument of music and an instrument of battle, not very ideal!” He set aside the plate he cleaned rather happily. Giyuu could see a man from the corner of his eye stare in horror at his volume and rapidness. He scowled
“Though I do enjoy the violin too! Though personally, I would've never have actually attempted to bother pursue learning it if it weren't for family” and yet again, everything Rengoku did was just born from essence of kindness and love.
How truly crede–
Days go on and Giyuu sees Rengoku again too early.
It wasn't even a plan, he hadn't even made attempts to procure for him, yet he saw him again walking out of a library with various amounts of books as he made his trek to the train station to go home.
He caught sight of him. Hazel and ruby meet cerulean blue and its suddenly like Kyojuro was hypnotized
They made their way together to the trains.
When Giyuu peeked at his bought products, he saw titles with words he never heard of about things he doesn't have a clue about
Of course this wouldn't pass by Kyojuro. He was selfish in the way he fought tooth and nail to kindle their bond. He was almost handsy as he just said whatever that came to him as a way to pull Tomioka in
“My brothers tutor had asked if we had any books for the next materials he will be studying, so I had ought to buy some for him as his older brother! I do plan on helping him study as well over his academics, it makes me joyous to predece this information to him. Have you ever had any siblings before, Tomioka-san?”
Everything just flowed without any sense whenever he was with Rengoku. Everything turned into autopilot as he focused every word Rengoku had to say
He was utterly amusing. The things he knows and shares, how he even pours his feelings into his word. Rengoku was indubitably someone that couldn't bore him the way life had
“I had an elder sister”
“Ah! Really? I didn't take you as a younger sibling! That's very endearing” more words he really didn't understand.
If he were to hear Shinobu say it, he would assume she's teasing him again as she always does whenever she enjoys to poke at him. “Tsun tsum” or however her theory was
It was hard for him to think Rengoku was saying something even critical in front of his face. The singular conclusion he can come to is that it were something good, a compliment. Which is just embarrassing, because why would a man like Rengoku compliment Giyuu? Because that's the sort of guy Rengoku was. He thinks something must have possessed Rengoku if he were ever to be mean. Otherwise, Rengoku would have to meet someone so undeniably evil to say such meanings in the first place
“Thank you”
“Eh! You're blushing! Haha how sweet!”
It was in a form, brutal how earnest Rengoku were with his words
“Have you ever enjoyed these sort of studies in school? I thought they were touching how some people on humanity put their soul for everyone else to learn what they had obsessed over”
“I didn't attend school”
Usually, the privileged had academics. Giyuu would've perhaps went to school if his mother and father hadn't passed away, and neither was his sister actually his sister, but a brother instead. She had married a man who himself was privileged, and was digging a path to give both Tomioka siblings “a life they deserved”. Yet, occurrences happened that those plans never came true. Growing up with Urokodaki, the only thing he learned was how to hold his form right without any faulties as he slashed a bokken in his childish hands near his friend.
And perhaps he was another failure in life, as he had came from a long descending line of privileged people and relatives. Doctors and politically, scientists and military servers, one passing to another the necessities to become yet another man or woman sturdy in their privileged history
Yet here he was, just a dirty soldier who doesn't know more than a rich child actually.
The Rengokus differed. They were engraved in the Demon Corps history for centuries. Despite that, they were well taken care of from the integrity of the ancestor before ensuring the bloodlines wealth and independence. It wasn't a surprise Kyojuro and his siblings had tutors and teachers to educate them on things beyond what commoners are taught
“Really?”
The entire time they were in their cart, Rengoku explained various things. History, poetry, astronomy, human biology, there were so many things that Giyuu could only nitpick and keep in his memory, and yet everything seemed really fascinating. In truth, maybe he didn't amuse the subjects so much, yet Rengoku worded it with such compassion that it was hard for him to not feel any interest in what he had said
Time passes by and the goodbye always comes. Giyuu doesn't like saying goodbye, he was scared of never seeing whoever he was farewelling to again in life. It was scary, fills him with anxiety. Yet then again, sometimes he wished he got the chance to say goodbye to some people he didn't get the chance to.
Sometimes it feels like the only times he really remembers really vividly is when he's with Rengoku. Maybe it's because his life is so silent he has forgotten the sound of noise, or how he can only remember being alive when he's with others, as he only feels his memory sharpen the next time he has a mission with Rengoku a few months later. Carving in the sight of Rengoku–all brazen and sunny the way he is–into his remembrance till his last final moments
It was unpleasant
The mission.
It didn't go well, it was messy and too much blood had spilled for what he preferred. Suddenly, he goes back to remembering salmon hair and wisteria eyes and his insufficiency in comparison.
Under dim lights at a bar hidden in a crooked alleyway that swerves with rain water dripping from traditional roofs of their culture, he pressed his cheek to his palm with eyebags feeling like they are carving his own eyeballs out of his skull. Mouth down turned into a frown, only occasionally opening to sip down another shot of alcohol
Frustration burning in his veins that his body might as well combust into flames
Hilarious, flames.
Rengoku slid into the stool next to his, placing a hand on his arm and rubbing slowly.
And there it is again, the pure affection Rengoku burns with for all. Even after seeing his inadequacy, how flawed he is, he still gives him his comfort
“It's okay, next time, we can make up for it”
“We can't make up lost lives for other lives. Everyone is irreplaceable”
“Would you forgive me if I let you die when it wasn't my intention?”
He looked at him, swifted his head almost as if it were a flinch
“What?”
Rengoku looked miserable. It was an illicit sight actually. His face grim and his shoulders slouching. Wide eyes just now tired. He doesn't even look like he believes the words he is saying, but more so saying it for the sake of hoping it will be true if he does say them
That if he said he was okay, even if he weren't, it could become true and earnest
“Earlier, the demon nearly reached its claws at your neck near the pulse. That's when we separated, I tackled the demon away from you to actually keep your life in certainty and to stop being so foolish”
He moved his hand to softly cover the area of Tomiokas neck that was nearly slashed
“I would've been rather terrified if I saw you choke and spew on your own blood”
.
.
.
.
“If it did happen though, would you forgive me in heaven for letting you die?”
Giyuu was pained. He hadn't cared at that moment if he was killed, perhaps it would've even been a good thing.
His life was the reason his sister and brother lost theirs. If he let himself die, could it count as an apology to the both of them? He has pleaded and kneeled down in front of statues of Buddha various times, begging for forgiveness that he knows he won't receive
Forgive Rengoku just because he didn't do anything wrong? What was there to even forgive. The humility Rengoku had was comparable to gods
“Of course-”
“But the lives I would save in order to make up for yours would never be enough. By this logic, even after death, I would deserve to go to hell”
“No- that's not-”
“How come no? If this is the logic you apply to yourself, then it would be obligated to apply to me”
Rengoku wasn't well, Giyuu notices.
His face was flushed and his eyes were hazy, yet his breath didn't smell of any residue of beverages or ash either. Although earlier, he heard Rengoku beg one of the Kakushi for some medication
Oh, he was overdosing a tad bit
A deeply uncomfortable feeling settled in Giyuus gut. That Rengoku, might be somewhat like him. That when he is upset, he chases after something to lift the guilt he feels
They weren't thinking right, everything was distorted as they both were sweating. Their emotions tense inside of their bodies, twisting and flexing painfully as they translated it to each other while holding eye contact
“I admire you, Tomioka-san”
The miniscule cup fell from his hands, pouring it's liquid. Neither of them really cared
He moved his over the bruise on Rengokus neck, purple and blue with rotten shades of yellow and green on the outskirts
“Who is hurting you? Why would anyone do that?”
He was troubled, emotional at the thought of someone landing their fists on Rengoku. It didn't make sense
Usually in mathematics, two plus two equals four. Yet now, the silent show that someone purposefully injured Rengoku themselves for whatever reason–never a good one–suddenlt feels as though two plus two equals the entirety of quantum physics, exactly what Senjuro is studying for his exams that Kyojuro helps him to memorize
Kyojuro gently teaching people with tender affection. Not out of desire to be good, but because he is just like that. He is goodness in itself
And yet, Rengoku shook his head and cupped his hands on Giyuus face, looking down at his lips intently
He could lean in, steal Giyuus breath and he wouldn't mind it honestly. Not at all. He could thank Rengoku for blessing him in such a way for a thousand years and still have an eternity to continue
Instead, Kyojuro laid his forehead against Tomiokas. Shutting his eyes shut as if he wanted to will the world away for mocking him so cruelly the way poets say in their scriptures. Disgust filters in his stomach, the shame of being who he is ruining him from the inside out as he kills those around him with his obscenity
“I'm sorry”
‘I want you so bad, it's my only wish’
Kyojuro shook his head softly
“I can't go any further than this”
His own breath hitches with a sob that years to distinguish the light inside him with sizzles and cracking
“I'm so sorry”
Giyuu clasps his hands around Kyojuros wrists, almost desperate for the moment to not ruin
“I like you a lot, Kyojuro”
Kyojuros shoulders tensed, unshed tears form in Giyuus eyes as if he doesn't want to lose something immensely important to him
“But this sort of thing must disgust you”
Kyojuro looked at him with rever, humiliated that he had been caught.
“No-”
“which would mean you think of yourself as disgusting, then I must be disgusting too”
He flinched back, almost as if the words were sinful to paint Giyuu like that
“That's not-”
“I don't care what it is though. If it's rotten disgusting or something else–
I want to be just as gross with you too then, Kyojuro.”
He shouldn't say such things
“Yet, if it's in some way not so ill that we are just unaware of as we cannot speak with God. If in another way, it might not be so bad to like our same sex, if it's something lovely–
I want to be lovely with you, Kyojuro”
His hand held onto the back of Kyojuros head, willing him to not run away.
Pulling him closer, mouths slightly gaping apart, antipode of how they face each other now. Kyojuros hands on the crook of his neck, honey-carmine eyes flicking between rosy pink lips and cerulean blue eyes. Desire and want, affection and yearning burning in the embers of his soul. No, that's a quote way to commonly said
Pain and devotion consumed him body and soul, as if Giyuu was a burning, crackling and waving fire for him to burn himself in as a loyal moth craving what kills him. He made him weak, he made Kyojuro so weak and obedient. Hands getting desperate to feel that body in his hold, to satisfy his desire of the man he wants to sell his own soul to. Come back from every mission and just know that finally, finally he is back home as he places tandem kisses on his lover's body all over.
He wanted to be selfish. He wanted him for himself, to indulge his want and show the unfiltered love he has to give and show. Break Giyuus bones with all the love inside him and cry tears in apologies as he mends him back together. Merge his body with his to make up for all the damage he had done for being too honest.
He loves Giyuu
He needed him so badly. Lay his lips on his and run a hand over his pale yellowish skin with lavender pink blush dusting him. Undress-
They weren't allowed to kiss
a Kakushi walked in, making them pull away immediately. Faces red and now sobered up and now vigilant of their surroundings and just how close they were. Hands clamping uncomfortably on their uniform pants, Kyojuro curling under his cape as if insecure
The realization weighed on him heavily.
What would've happened if they had gotten caught?
Couldn't he live in peace? Caress in peace and endorse in silence with no consequence
Yet, if they were caught- the situation could've been one of calamity- what would his father think of him if he were caught kissing another male?
It was unfair
He could lie and say he was attracted to Giyuu because he looked feminine. Long hair, lacey lashes, lean and gentle figure, graceful and delicate
No, it was absurd to say that. He fell in love with the brute ruggedness in him. How airy his voice is, the flex of his hand around his hilt.
More lies, more forcing upon an identity
Why'd it have to be explained? Why'd it have to make sense? He can't just say he is smitten for Giyuu just for himself and expect to be understood for how it is
Standing up and walking shoulder to shoulder with Tomioka, he looked at the corner of his gaze and took in the sight of the one he wants
He made up his mind
He couldn't be so courageous to martyr himself for the truth of who he is. Yet, he was tired of being in a peripatetic state through a sardonic world of fierce judgements and unmerciful opinions against him when he wished for insouciance over what he just likes
He reached his hand out and softly placed it on Giyuu's shoulder, looking straight ahead to not face the vulnerability of the situation when Giyuu looked at him.
They followed the Kakushi to the wisteria house they were staying at. Many slayers went to a nearby clinic, set to depart early in the morning to the butterfly estate as transport was unsteady at such a late hour.
They had taken off their footing at the entrance and changed their uniform to yukatas. Having dinner with some others making plain conversation that Kyojuro couldn't put much matter into.
Giyuu was as solecistic as ever when replying. Aloof and scruffy, quiet and unsure
It was kissable and darling
He just looked at him with warmth. A kind, gentle smile on his face as he looked at him bluntly contribute to the conversation beheld in the dinner tonight. Giyuu looked back at him, face having abandoned it's stoicism immediately and turned into something unreadable. He didn't take it as something bad, no, it was easy to understand that the moon was not a bright person by nature
Once it ended, stomachs satisfied and various having started to feel exhaustion wear their bones to the pits of the underworld, everyone parted ways and said goodnight.
They walked down the corridor of bedrooms, reaching for theirs. Nervous to face each other
When Giyuu reached out for his room, hand grazing the sliding door before flinching back when he felt a hand wrap around his wrist, he turned around
Then there was nothing else that needed to be said
It was just the two of them now that needed each other.
He pulled his hands inwards towards himself, dragging Kyojuro to come closer to him. They were so close that their breath breezed their faces, warming them from the cooler winter night.
Kyojuro, hesitantly, leaned his head forward, eyes half lidding like he doesn't want to lose him for one minute; while Giyuu freed his wrist from his hold and hovered it towards his shoulder, holding onto it while he leaned forward and closed his eyes.
Their lips met softly. At first it was like a test, to see if the world would collapse and turn to drip if they just placed their lips over the other. Once it was disproven, they kissed deeper just a little bit more each time.
Kyojuro wrapped an arm around Giyuu's waist, pressing him closer to his body, incending him in the process with the warmth inside his body. Giyuu held on only tighter, wrapping his arms around Kyojuro's shoulders, desperately clinging.
Giyuu shoulders flinched every now and then upwards towards the skyline, and in return, as if apologizing, Kyojuro nuzzled his forehead against the skin of it
His face gushed with that little pretty shade of lavender pink, flushing his skin as sweat coated his body and gave him some sort of sour-sweet shine on milky skin
He lifted his head up from where he had shoved it into the pillow in earlier hopes of shutting his mouth. Weakly with the fragility of lavender swaying violently in fields they are forced out of the soil from the root, he extended an arm out to reach for his materialistics, causing a stretch that caused soreness in lower areas he is too embarrassed to acknowledge here in his consciousness
Microbits of steel flew in the air in an unknowing form to his eyes as he flicked the leverage to brighten his lighter. A small gentle flame met the end of a tobacco cigar and arose I'm a smoke that flowed into the air as if it were showing what a burnt waterfall looked like flowing up towards the heavens for chance and life
Some metaphors feel handsy to write and that I am overwhelming the reader with my words. What a drag, isn't it?
It made no sense for someone who's entire martial arts depends on the breathing of his lungs, to be found smoking in the dead of the night after he was ‘humbled’
No no no, humbled is a rather cruel word to say for such a tender moment. He doubts Kyojuro has the heart to use the heated closeness of their bodies to humble Giyuu and put him in his place when in fact, he built no podium. Saying such a word is an inaccurate and unmerciful way to make out Kyojuro. It's not to say he hasn't heard maybe once or twice that Kyojuro hadn't sassed someone, but that sort of thing almost sounds like a myth after experiencing the pent up love he had inside to spoil Giyuu
He thinks he can feel the ghost of his hands still hold him the way he did. If he were unsure of that, then Giyuu could just look back and see the bruising on him. It was so obvious, that he can't even be at public baths or any sort of luxury for a good while now to preserve the meanings between them for them only
Before he could beat himself up any more for his thoughts and subconsciousness, he felt Kyojuro move besides him and lean his torso up as well. Just as Giyuus lips latched off promiscuous rot, the back of his head was held by his lovers hand and redirected to look at him.
And before he could even puff or blow away the ash in his mouth that yellows his teeth and warms the tip of his tongue, suddenly he was being kissed
This time he couldn't close his eyes and kiss back in fever, in fact, he was quite taken aback. Despite his efforts to hold his manners, Kyojuro bit his bottom lip as he deepened the kiss, and the fog spilled into his mouth and leaked a bit into the open air from the corner of theirs mouths
Fires grow stronger when you try to encourage growth by striking them through the smoke they exhibit and lash out. Butterflies rolled throughout his entire body that he almost drops his fag and burns their shared pillow tonight
They pull back after the most clears out, Kyojuro with his mouth slightly agape and a dreamy look plastered on that owl-like face, while Giyuu covers his face with his occupied hand.
Suddenly his identity is too exposed as Kyojuro knows exactly what has been done to him (by him, albeit he was shameful at the start but evolved into just pure desire and indulgence).
Yet the sight was so endearing, wide eyes with eyebrows furrowed up as he looks like he is now just sweating from pure embarrassment instead. Shoulders tense and slightly shaking too
Looking at Giyuu was just such an experience that felt like a fever dream. In that moment he just seemed adorable
So sweet that he broke out laughing, caressing his scalp with his fingers already latched there. He didn't sound cruel, he just seemed so amused and smitten, it furthered to embarrass Giyuu
“Ah- that expression is my favorite! Don't stop looking at me like that, I love it” the words fell out from his honesty as he laughed more
It was so warm, loud and yet not his usual boisterous ones that make you feel threatened by his confidence to protect everyone. It was the kind that was so careless and vulnerable, that Giyuu questioned his true skill in unraveling Kyojuro
He groaned and flopped his face back into the pillow, suddenly losing interest on smoking till the last bit. It was passing out anyways, the fire too weak to survive against the small chill that is numb to the both of them
The silence came back after a minute and the crickets became loud again. Along with a creak from the wood upstairs
Then it hit him that despite his efforts, there was such a high possibility they were heard
And if they were heard then Kyojuro might runaw-
He was gently shoved onto his side from a shove on his shoulder. He let out a quick gasp of unexpectation
Kyojuro, with that unreadable expression on his face that paralyzed Giyuu, cupped his face softly
It was just like that for a minute. Nothing else felt real again, yet in a much more pleasant way than usual
Dark blue that engulfed and hid Giyuus pupil with how shady they were, met Kyojuros heterochromatic ambrosia ones
Tears spilled silently, and suddenly Giyuu felt an unfamiliar amount of worry
“Kyojuro-....”
He didn't know what to say actually. He spent too much time running away from emotion, that he forgot the main reason why one can connect with others, is through emotions
Yet, instead of asking for comfort and words, Kyojuro pecked his face gently with angel light kisses
His cheek, the corner of his mouth, the tip of his nose, the contractions between his eyebrows, his temple
The amount of kisses became endless and an uncountable number, and suddenly his face tingled with tickles of the sensation. Laughter was unreachable for him though
He pulled back
“I love you”
These sentiments weren't funny, because it's been so long where love could feel soft between them both
Giyuus breath hitches as he looked at the raw emotion in Kyojuros expression. He couldn't tell what it was, perhaps insanity from restraining himself of something so pure, or maybe the overwhelming sensation to just love
Whatever it was, it created a portrait for the words that ruin both of them.
Giyuu held onto his wrists with something like fear
“I love you too” how long has it been since he loved properly?
“Don't disappear from me”
Because once before, love seemed almost impossible, a seldom luxury for children.
“
I want the place that I lose myself is within you. Take my body and soul and don't leave me vetoed. I want our existence to be devoured into one”
There should be no price to our touches and earnesty
“I love you so much”
Because it's an animal instinct shared between all existing forms of life and unjudged of those lucky to not be human