Chapter Text
They’re not good enough.
Nothing about you four stands out.
You need more than faith in this industry.
Abby had heard those words more than enough. No one else seemed to think so, though. They seemed to think he hadn’t heard them enough. That had to have been why they always said those words to him and his group.
Well, to him.
Never to his group. He made sure they never heard such words. He didn’t want them to become discouraged. He would rather hear those words on repeat than ever have his group hear them once.
He would keep such cruelty to himself. He would never say how much they made him want to immerse himself in the dark and disappear. How the words crawled over his skin before burrowing into him, sinking deep into his heart until he couldn’t stop hearing them ring in his mind. How, nowadays, he was ready to just give up on the dream he’d had since he was a kid. Oh, how he wanted to give up.
But he couldn’t.
“Hyung.”
He had something to keep going for. Someone.
He sighed as he tore himself out of his thoughts at the call for his attention. He knew they were calling him, could tell by how deep the voice was.
Baby always wanted his attention.
Abby looked up, feeling the tension begin to leave his shoulders when he made eye contact with teal gems. Baby stood in front of him, looking down at Abby sitting on a bench with a tense posture. There were beads of sweat slowly dripping down his flushed face. He took deep breaths as he waited for a response.
Abby found himself smiling when he noticed how worried Baby looked, despite how Baby tried to hide it. He knew Baby didn’t like to show that he cared; he wanted people to think there would always be a distance between them and him.
But Abby’s known Baby since they were children; knew him before management gave them ridiculous nicknames that Baby insisted they use. He could always see through Baby. Just as Baby could always see through him.
That’s why Abby didn’t bother to try to hide the fact that he was exhausted. He merely replied, in a tired drawl, “Yes, B?”
Baby frowned, eyes narrowing as he examined Abby for anything he might have missed. When he found nothing more than exhaustion - well, Abby assumed so anyway - he huffed, crossing his arms. He shot back, “Well? What did they say?”
Abby tried not to wince at the question. He knew, of course, that Baby was asking about their recent audition. They had done so with many other trainees, doing their best to catch the attention of the managers so they could debut. A few minutes prior, the managers had pulled him aside and were going over their evaluations of his talent. At his insistence, they spoke about his group’s evaluations as well.
They weren’t good.
They couldn’t seem to do anything right. It didn’t matter how much they practiced or poured their heart into their work, Abby kept hearing those cruel words. Not only those words but also…
You four can’t be a group, it won’t work. And you don’t have a chance to debut if you keep them around…just lose them. You’ll have more of a chance then.
Abby had been taken aback when the managers had told him that. It was the first time he had heard the words too. Previously, management ignored the fact that he had taken three other trainees under his wing. He, honestly, had thought they didn’t notice how he was starting to form a group already with the three. He had thought they were good. Management hadn’t. Now, he was starting to wonder if they truly weren’t.
He shoved that thought away.
“Hyung,” Baby called again. He sounded less than patient.
“...we’ve gotten better,” Abby easily lied, shrugging. He smiled wider when Baby, instantly, looked suspicious. “They’re impressed.”
“Wait, really?!” He heard from his right.
He looked over, finding Romance in the far right corner of the room, leaning back against the dance room’s mirror. He sat on the floor, his legs stretched out in front of him. Resting his head on Romance’s thigh was Mystery. He looked half asleep, his cheek smushed against Romance’s thigh and his body splayed across the floor. He was staring at Abby too.
“Really,” Abby said, nodding. He barely felt Baby’s piercing gaze, not faltering in the slightest.
He had lied before. Baby couldn’t always see through him anymore. He had gotten better at lying to Baby. He had to. He didn’t want Baby to know the truth. He had a lot more to hide now than when they were young.
“That’s great!” Romance continued, stretching his arms above him. “We might be able to debut at this rate!”
Mystery rapidly nodded. He was more awake now, clearly excited by the news. It was obvious with the way he slightly wiggled, gently nipping at Romance’s arm when he put it down.
Romance yelped, smacking Mystery over the head for that. Mystery smacked him right back.
Abby softly laughed as the duo got into a small argument. He tried not to but couldn’t help but compare the duo’s relationship to that of a dog and cat. Especially with the way Mystery always trailed after Romance like a lost puppy and the way Romance pretended he didn’t care about Mystery when everyone knew he did. They all cared for each other. It didn’t matter that Abby had only just met Romance and Mystery when they became trainees…he cared for the three of them greatly.
It was why he couldn’t let them know that they were getting nowhere. The path they were on led to nothing but darkness. And he didn’t know how to get them onto a different path. He didn’t know how to help them. He didn’t know how to make their dreams come true.
He sighed at the thought, running a hand through his hair. He needed to figure out a plan. He also needed a moment to himself, where he could wallow in self-hatred without bringing the others down with him.
He stood up, ignoring the way Baby’s gaze became sharp once he did. He walked over to the door, waving a hand over his shoulder with some excuse that he was going to rest up and that they should too. He smiled when he heard Romance and Mystery stop their fight enough to agree. However, Baby…
“Hyung.”
Abby paused. It was an instinctual reaction to the tone of Baby’s voice. Even the other two had gone quiet, listening with rapt attention.
“Hyung,” Baby called again. Slowly. Hesitantly. “Are we…are we good enough?”
Abby bit his lip, feeling his heart squeeze at the pure desperation that laced Baby’s voice. It was obvious that Baby wanted reassurance, wanted Abby to give him a reason to not give up on their dream.
Abby wanted that too.
He slowly exhaled, happy that he had his back to Baby. If he didn’t, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep himself together. Baby would definitely notice the way he heavily swallowed, trying to push down the hopeless scream that had been rising since the managers opened their mouths. Baby would notice how he tried to swallow away all the doubts that crept at the back of his mind, insecurities that dug themselves into each and every thought until he was so sure what the answer to Baby’s question was.
It was the opposite of what he told Baby.
“Of course, we are.”