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“Are you sure you don’t want to call Nicholas?” Yudai asked, his hand resting on the gearshift, foot pressed on the brake pedal.
Euijoo hesitated for sure. But he shook his head nonetheless.
It had been a month since Nicholas left him on read for the first time– probably the first time ever since they met. How they went from inseparable to zero communication was nothing short of a mystery. It wasn’t a fight, nor a goodbye.
Now that he had broken up with the girl , he couldn’t even bring himself to tell Nicholas.
As the tires rolled out, their rental caravan eased out of the parking lot. It would be a 5-hour drive from Osaka to Lake Kawaguchi. Though, nothing too challenging for K and Fuma, a couple experienced in road trips. Perks of both having full licenses and always knew when to switch the driver seat.
Sunlight poured in through the window glasses. Despite the warm rays, their skins were cool under the buzzing air-con.
Euijoo sat in the back, with Jo and Yuma, on the dark grey leather couches that could be rearranged into beds. A small portable coffee table tucked between them. The further back was a kitchen station– stacked with wooden drawers that carried the sink, the fridge, and other necessities.
The van was compact yet comfortable for five. After all, a 3D2N trip wasn’t that long. No need to overkill, as long as it came with a set of clean speakers–
♫ We don't talk anymore, like we used to do…
Yudai noticed the song first. He reached for the dashboard console below the stereo screen, pressing the ‘next’ button once, twice. The song kept playing.
♫ We don't love anymore…
Fuma, in the front passenger seat, leaned over and pulled out Yudai’s phone from the cupholder between them, skipping the track with a quick tap. He glanced back quickly, just enough to catch Euijoo leaning his head against the glass, mindlessly gazing at the blurred highway.
Last fall, Euijoo moved from Tokyo to Osaka for the actor academy. By day, he buried himself in the lines, refining his state for auditions; by night, he served at a restaurant.
A boy with a dream for live action.
A girl at the Izakaya he worked at.
They started dating not long after.
The ending ?
Nothing close to the romance in the midnight shows that Euijoo had watched over and over again.
In broad daylight, he caught her going out with another man. The confrontation was painful but necessary.
Suddenly, there were no more “good morning” or “good night” texts. No more late night calls.
He was all by himself again, living through the 5 stages of grief.
“You trust people too easily.”
Yuma had told him. A hot take, but also hard to take. He could be right. She was someone he barely knew.
Though, for Euijoo, the breakup was a spark to realize what’s really bugging him.
His phone’s screen was still on, frozen on Nicholas’ chatroom.
When they arrived at the Kouan Campsite, it had already been lined with vehicles and tents. As expected from the golden site for summer fireworks.
Once the boys stepped out of their cramped van, the fresh air smelled of lakewater and pine. Then, the vastness of nature, the visuals, hit them all at once–
Lake Kawaguchi stretched wide to the horizon, the water so still and clear that it mirrored the sky like stainless glass. Mount Fuji rose like a painted backdrop. Its peak dusted with snow no matter the season. The sunset behind it bled slowly from deep blue to orange.
Far from city noise and humidity, the gentle wind rustling through dry reeds soothed their hearts.
Jo straightened both arms and yawned. “This view is insane.”
Right on cue, Euijoo’s stomach let out a very audible groan. He pressed a hand on his tummy and laughed shyly.
“You sound like we haven’t fed you in days,” Yuma commented, already opening one of the side compartments. Metals clanking as he revealed the grilling tools and heatproof gloves.
The team moved fast from there, rolling out the awning from the caravan’s roof. The fabric flapped before clicking into place, casting a shade over the gravel.
Fuma headed off to check in at the site office, carrying a communal griller pit by himself on the way back. His arms flexed, biceps taut as he set it down next to their van single-handedly. Meanwhile, Yudai pulled the fridge drawer at the back of the van, grabbing the marinated meat, a few bottles of cola and water. Yuma and Euijoo laid out the folding table and chairs. Jo dug through a storage bin for instant rice, tossing a few packs onto the table with a grin.
They assembled before the pit. Fuma crouched to spark the first flame. The air began to thicken with charcoal and sesame oil.
Fuma kept grilling the meat. They hoped he remembered to eat.
Yudai kept feeding, making sure everyone was eating.
Euijoo nommed happily, spoiled by the hyungs.
The microwave beeped, and Jo had already stood by with an empty plate.
Yuma was taking selfies, asking the boys to look at the camera too.
Sitting by the table with a freshly grilled steak, Euijoo felt like everything was back in place, almost the same as college when things were simpler.
They’d create the best memories in this trip before his flight back to Korea, if only–
Nicholas was here too.
As soon as the thought came out, he shook it away.
He should be mourning about his ex, wishing her to be here, but oh— did he want that? After her shameless cheating? Or was it Nicholas he actually wanted here?
Apparently, the heat from the griller wasn’t the only thing burning him up.
Dusk approaching, they turned on the exterior lights mounted on the van. Placing a lantern on the table, it glowed just enough to see their plates and hands. Mid-laugh, mouths full and voices raised over the sizzle of the grill, a large motorhome– twice the size of theirs and blasting upbeat music– rolled into the site. It pulled up right beside them in one precise sweep.
When the door slid open with a hiss, they heard a few men speaking in English–
“Man, that smells so good.”
“I’m starving.”
“You’re always starving.”
Then came a dog’s bark.
Chewing on a piece of beef, Euijoo glanced up toward the noise, expecting strangers. But the moment his gaze landed on one of the boys with a familiar mob of red hair, time froze.
The other noticed him too. Their eyes locked. First, in confusion, then disbelief, like both of them had to figure out whether or not they were hallucinating.
“Ni– *cough ” Euijoo choked on the syllable, the meat stuck in his throat.
Nicholas rushed over. “Don’t die, Juju!” He grabbed a water bottle off the table, twisted the cap open, and held it out.
Euijoo gulped it down and exhaled, shoulders loosening.
“How come you’re here?” Nicholas asked in Korean, wide-eyed.
“That should be my question,” Euijoo replied, voice still hoarse.
Nicholas had always talked to him in Korean, like he wanted him to feel home.
Wiping his mouth, Euijoo finally got to see him more clearly.
If there was someone who’d stay serious about fashion even at 32 degrees, it was Nicholas.
While Euijoo sat there in a plain white T-shirt and denim jeans, Nicholas looked like he had just walked out of a shoot– black crop top, an asymmetrical skirt layered over baggy jeans, silver accessories catching the light.
Nicholas had always been serious about fashion. That’s why he chose Tokyo. That’s why he stayed behind and interned at a fashion firm.
Immediately, Nicholas scanned the familiar faces surrounding the griller. “Is it some kind of college reunion? You guys really threw one without me?”
“I-”
Euijoo opened his mouth, but nothing seemed like a good excuse.
Nicholas raised an eyebrow, and then something clicked. “Ah, right. You probably saved a spot for your girl.” He looked around, trying to spot her.
But all he found was Euijoo, looking down.
“We broke up, like last month,” he murmured.
This time, it was Nicholas who couldn’t find his words. Should he console? Or should he just shut his mouth? And why wasn’t he the first to find out?
In contrast to his busy mind, Nicholas chose silence.
A tormenting silence.
Then, a bright voice cut through.
“Hi, guys!” A shorter boy appeared behind Nicholas and slung an arm over his shoulder.
“This is Matthew,” Nicholas tipped his head toward him.
“So you're gonna introduce us or what?” Matthew nudged him.
Nicholas blinked. “Right! My college friends– Yudai, Fuma, Jo, Yuma, and… Euijoo.”
“And this crew–” he gestured over his shoulder, “we work at the same company. Ricky, Gyuvin, and Gunwook. That’s Maki, Matthew’s cousin.”
A sharp bark followed as a small white dog wandered by Maki’s feet.
“Oh, and this little diva is Pandy,” Nicholas added with a laugh.
Brief greetings passed. Just names, nods. Some were excited to pet Maki’s dog.
Then came the real diplomacy.
“Want some?” Yudai offered, motioning at the juicy meat on the grates. They heard another hiss when fat dripped into the flames. “Though, we probably don’t have enough for double the men.”
“We brought pork belly and skewers,” Gyuvin said, turning toward their van. “I’ll go get them!”
By the table, Euijoo stared at his plate. Wisps of steam rose from the slices of charcoal grilled beef.
Why is he here? What should I do now?
Before he could find the answers, a fork stabbed into his plate.
“Yah!” Euijoo snapped, a beat too late. His beef was gone.
The culprit– none other than Nicholas– chewed the meat smugly, grinning in triumph.
Euijoo smacked his arm in which Nicholas laughed at.
Nicholas didn’t ask him why they broke up. He didn’t ask him why he never called.
“Try this.” Nicholas waved a chicken wing before Euijoo’s face.
Euijoo leaned in, opening his mouth for a big bite. But ugh– the honey glaze dripped onto his jeans. He scrambled for a tissue, wiping at the stain while glaring the other with puffed cheeks.
“I’ll buy you new ones. Don’t be upset,” Nicholas said casually, still holding the wing. His fork twirled, almost slinging more sauce at Euijoo’s shirt.
“Go away. You’re so annoying~” Euijoo swatted his hand, steering it away from danger. His voice came out softer than intended.
He didn’t realize how much he missed this.
Nicholas only shrugged, smirking as he sat down beside him.
They’re always so comfortable with each other. It didn’t feel like they’d been apart for months.
Perhaps, after all, they befitted the title of soulmates.
“Were you mad I didn’t talk to you?” Nicholas asked, sliding his plate close to share his portion with Euijoo.
“Only a little,” Euijoo said nonchalantly, scooping from Nicholas' plate.
And how would Nicholas just believe him? After knowing him for years?
“...Sorry.”
He had never heard Nicholas apologize so quickly.
“Juju, why’re you still here?”
Euijoo raised his head upon the voice. A sponge and a plate still in his hands, hovering above the collapsible basin filled by murky water. Nicholas stood a few steps away, backlit by the van’s open trunk, panting like he’d just sprinted across the campsite.
“What time is it?” Euijoo asked, disoriented. He realized he must have zoned out for a while. Too deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice dark had swallowed him, and that everyone else was gone.
“Leave those damn dishes!” Nicholas grabbed his arm and yanked him up.
*BANG*
They both flinched and looked up at once– high in the night sky, a fire flower bloomed red.
The crowd down by the shore burst into gasps and cheers, “Yabai, yabai!”
Another firework shot up. This time a sequence of gold peony cracked above the silhouette of Mount Fuji.
“Quick!” Nicholas urged, tugging Euijoo impatiently.
In the dark, the two scurried to the riverside. They ran along the flickers of fireworks and glittering reflections on the waves.
Before the waters, the mass had fully occupied the stone embankment. Everyone had found their spot, except the two late-comers who weaved through bodies until they spotted their group. The boys parted quickly to let Nicholas and Euijoo squeeze in the front.
Still catching his breath, Nicholas fished out his phone to record the stunning view. His mouth agape, expressing awe.
So Nicholas came all the way back only to fetch me , Euijoo realized.
Of course, he was still upset about the girl, upset about himself. He couldn’t stop drilling the past whenever he was alone. But he also couldn’t ignore the fact that Nicholas had come back, warm and real beside him, and the bursts of sapphire sparkling across his eyes– the kind of blue that reminded him of the yukata Nicholas wore last summer…
That night was exceptionally hot like today. Wearing yukata for the first time at the hanabi festival, they somehow lost their group to the crowd. When Euijoo said he was tired, they ended up sitting below a tree outside the temple. Just the two of them, side by side. The sacred space was tranquil, in comparison to the bustling main street.
Nicholas' damp hair dripped sweat, glistening the skin on his neck and darkening his collar. His smooth, porcelain skin looked even paler under the blue yukata. Euijoo couldn’t stop staring. His throat dry.
When his eyes panned over, Nicholas had been there for him with his silent, caring gaze. He knew how much fondness he held for him even if they refused to make it verbal. Their shoulders touched when Nicholas was scooting closer, so close that Euijoo could feel his breath.
As subtle as he tried to be, Nicholas’ eyes lingered on his lips, before coming back up– such a brief moment, since both turned their heads away.
Getting too close scared the fuck out of Euijoo.
Scared that he’d disappoint him.
Scared that he’s liking a boy too much.
So he did what a best friend would–
play dumb.
Then came the countdown of his relocation to Osaka. Never did they mention anything about that night.
He was lonely at first in a new city. The girl at work reminded him of Nicholas. Her cat eyes, wolf-cut, and bright personality.
But she wasn’t him .
Euijoo made a mistake.
The fireworks blurred in his vision. Streaks of colorful lights vanished too fast to hold on to, like what he’d pushed away, and what he still wanted . Perhaps the high temperature had finally fried his brain. He turned his face, hiding it behind his palms.
The fireworks were still playing.
Nicholas knew he was crying.
“Ju-” He reached out a hand, yet halted midair. When he looked around, the others were fixated on the sky. He decided to keep it between themselves.
With a sigh, Nicholas leaned sideways, resting his head against Euijoo’s back. He felt the erratic trembles pulsing under his skin, but didn’t say anything.
The fireworks continued to burst deafeningly. No one except Nicholas had noticed his quiet sobs, probably.
Eventually, Euijoo’s breath calmed. He circled his arms around Nicholas’ waist and hid his face in his shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“If it wasn’t a girl, I’d have beaten her up.” Nicholas hugged him back.
Those tears weren’t exactly for her , Euijoo wished he had the guts to tell him.
After the fireworks, most of the crowd had retreated to their vans, winding down for the night. It’s finally time to freshen up clammy skins and laze around cushioned mats.
–At least, that had been the plan if fate didn’t have a different kind of humor.
“Wasn’t it working fine when we had dinner?” Yuma asked, craning his neck over Fuma’s shoulder, who stood perplexed by the sink at the back of the van.
Their European caravan didn’t come with a built-in shower, but a portable one tucked into the sink faucet. Technically, dragging it out revealed an extendable hose for showering.
Fuma twisted the knob again, frowning when not a single drop emerged from the nozzle.
“We got water, right?” Yudai asked.
To examine the truth, Fuma crouched down to pull the drawer beneath the sink. Yudai immediately followed him, casting torch light onto the narrow space. The sloshing confirmed there was indeed water in the tank.
For the past hour, they had tried every solution found on their phones, but to no avail. The bathhouse on site had already closed. And the office? Lights off after the fireworks.
They were left on their own.
“No luck?” Yudai guessed, lowering the light with a sigh.
Fuma straightened up, shaking his head in frustration.
“Guys, what’s going on? Need a hand?”
Just then, Matthew and his group walked to them, having observed their hassle from the neighboring side.
“Our shower’s busted,” Fuma explained. “Never happened before.”
“Great, we’re gonna stink up the whole van at this rate,” Yuma grumbled.
“Well, that sucks,” Matthew said. “But you’re welcome to use ours.” He nodded toward his RV.
In contrast to their compact model, Matthew’s motorhome contained a much fancier shower stall. Courtesy of Ricky’s budget support.
“Do we have enough water though?” Gunwook questioned, looping his arms around Matthew from behind.
“Wouldn’t it be fine if two showered at the same time?” Gyuvin clapped his hand, eyes lit up as if he’d just solved world hunger.
Silence followed, save for the night breeze.
Gyuvin blinked his doe eyes, turning towards Ricky for support.
“Are you sure that actually saves water?” Ricky scrutinized him, arms crossed.
“I’m sure it saves time, at least,” Gyuvin insisted.
Now everyone was glancing at each other for their potential partner– like back in school, when the teacher had just announced a group project. Within seconds, Nicholas caught Yudai leaning towards Fuma (the couple), Matthew to Gunwook (no brainer), Gyuvin to Ricky (also no brainer), Jo to Yuma (suddenly they’re standing next to each other)...
Fear prickled up Nicholas’ spine. His stomach clenched. “Maki!” He blurted.
“No one’s separating me from Pandy,” Maki replied at once, clutching his dog.
So the remaining choice–
Nicholas and Euijoo exchanged a glance.
“I think we’re done pairing,” Matthew chimed blithely. “Let’s do rock-paper-scissors to see which pair can go first.”
“What do you mean DONE ?” Nicholas protested. It came out louder than he intended. But could they blame him? His life was literally on the line.
He looked at Euijoo, who broke their eye contact and bit his bottom lip, clearly having an internal turmoil as well.
“I’m good without a shower!” Nicholas declared, pulling his final card.
“You seriously think I’m letting you crawl into our van like that?” Matthew scoffed, backed up by the rest of the crew, especially Ricky, throwing him a judgemental gaze.
Before the shower stall, Euijoo stood awkwardly beside Nicholas. The plastic floor tiles were slick with residual water. Condensation beaded the white walls lit by bright LED lights.
Bold of them to think that this tiny tiny cubicle– barely 2.5 ft by 2.5 ft could fit two grown men. Since they were the last pair, it didn’t seem like they could complain after everyone had gone through the pain.
Should have enough water in the tank – Matthew told them, but better be quick than sorry.
To the right of the shower stood a wooden shelf holding towels and their change of clothes. Both of them stared at the shelf, but neither of them took the initiative.
“Turn around.” Euijoo told him, his hands gripping the hem of his shirt hesitantly.
“C’mon. It’s not like we haven’t seen each other before-” said Nicholas, removing his belt at an agonizingly slow speed that Euijoo knew he was teasing him.
In contrast to Nicholas’ nonchalance, he was, indeed, dying inside, brainwashing himself over and over again– It’s just a shower. Just. A. Shower.
“Turn around!” Euijoo commanded again.
Nicholas was probably right. They had been roommates during college, and they changed during ball games all the time. So why make a fuss now?
“Why are you acting weird?” Nicholas teased again, but obeyed nonetheless, rotating to face the fogged door.
“You are the one acting weird,” Euijoo retorted, turning in the opposite direction.
The room fell into dead silence. Beyond the thin walls, muffled chatters of the other boys trickled in. But inside, every sound felt magnified– the shuffle of fabric peeling off their skin and jeans rustling down the floor. Even the hush of each other’s breaths.
Nicholas stepped into the stall first, knowing the other was shy. Then, he heard Euijoo follow, shutting the glass door behind him.
Their bare arms brushed. Nicholas nearly jumped.
“Stay away a bit. My hair dye might fall on you,” he warned, secretly praying Euijoo couldn’t hear his heart beating like crazy.
But seriously, how far could they stay apart in this glass cage? They couldn’t even turn without bumping on the other.
Let’s just end this already. Nicholas slapped the "ON-OFF" button on the wall, and water started raining down.
“So cold!” Euijoo squealed, instinctively jerking away.
“I can’t wash my hair with hot water,” Nicholas explained, watching the pool of scarlet liquid flowing down the drain beneath their feet.
Euijoo braced himself before diving into the spray again. He had no choice. There wasn’t much time for them to fool around, given the water might be used up any time. He cursed losing that paper-rock-scissors match.
“Shampoo, shampoo!” he called when he realized the bottle rack was on Nicholas’ side. His eyes stayed locked on the corner wall when the other passed him the bottle.
Euijoo squinted at the label on the bottle. “This is conditioner!” He hit Nicholas’ arm with the bottle, earning a yelp.
They had never showered that fast in their lives.
While the two battled in the shower, the rest of the boys (other than Yudai and Fuma busily making out in the other van) gathered on the king bed at the rear end of the motorhome.
The RV’s interior was brighter and much more spacious than the caravan next door. Its corridor painted with glossy laminate. Smooth oak floor extended from the kitchen to the lounge, where cream couches framed a dining table. A mounted TV hung above the window. Hard to say if they were really ‘ camping.’
“Guys, we tried our best. It's up to them now,” Matthew said, reclining back into Gunwook’s broader chest while tapping his phone for Pokemon TCG.
“Arigatou, everyone,” Yuma said, eyes also glued to his phone for another TCG match.
“Thank you for helping our friends.” Jo bowed slightly, ever the polite boy.
“I feel like things started to shift when Nichol came back for Euijoo during the fireworks,” Maki added, slipping his hand into a pack of potato chips. “But damn cousin–” he glared at Matthew, “I’m not notified on the water thing!”
“Hey, that was an accident. They booked their own van,” Matthew replied flatly, not even sparing Maki an eye.
“Didn’t you recommend Fuma hyung the rental?” Maki pointed out.
“I’ll buy you burritos, okay?" Matthew exhaled sharply, fed up with the argument. God, just let him enjoy his game in peace. "You deserve that Oscar too. I almost believed that you and Fuma hyung were strangers. And honestly, I'm surprised not a single of you had spoiled our plan just yet.”
“No wonder his friends were so frustrated. Now I see Nichol really likes him. When you guys first devise the plan, I thought y’all were crazy,” Gunwook chipped in with a chuckle.
“He’s been sticking around Euijoo all day.” Gyuvin smirked, resting his head on Ricky’s shoulder.
“As if you aren’t the clingy one,” Ricky muttered with a lazy yawn.
“Hey, at least I didn’t beat around the bush for years,” Gyuvin shot back.
/flashback/
A little over a month ago, Matthew had been stressed over the caravan trip he was trying to put together. He invited his cousin Maki, and somehow Maki’s high school homework tutor, Fuma, ended up in the picture.
“Hey, expert. My cousin’s planning a 3D2N trip. He needs recs for rental companies, beginner-friendly routes... Actually, why don’t you just talk to him directly? He’s already on the line–”
Maki handed over his phone to Matthew.
“Hi, Fuma-san. I’m Matthew,” he greeted politely. “Thank you for taking the time to help us.”
“You’re welcome,” came the calm voice on the other end. “What kind of licenses do you guys have? And what's your budget?”
“Ricky can drive anything, and budget is not an issue.”
“Oh, lucky. That gives you plenty of options. I can send you some info. What’s your Insta?”
Matthew and Fuma exchanged handles. A moment later, Matthew was scrolling through Fuma’s profile. The grids were filled with beautiful landscapes, roadside fastfood, and Pokémon Center snapshots taken in different regions.
They clicked instantly.
Then, Fuma paused at a familiar name on their list of mutuals. “Wait– you know Nicholas?”
“He’s my bestie from work. How about you?”
There was a short silence on the line before Fuma exhaled. “I guess... I should probably tell you something.”
Matthew raised an eyebrow. “Okay.”
So Fuma started with how Nicholas and Euijoo had been inseparable throughout college, and then the distancing…
“God. I thought I was listening to some Romcom.” Maki stretched his arms.
Matthew furrowed his brows, rubbing his temples. “I’m a little confused here. Sorry, can we backtrack?”
At that moment, the front door of Matthew’s apartment clicked open. A duffle bag dropped against the floor with a thud. His boyfriend Gunwook had returned from the gym.
“Babe, come over here~” Matthew called, waving him over with grabby hands.
Fuma, patient as ever, retold the story– this time with Gunwook also listening from the couch, sipping his protein shake.
“So, if I got this right–” Gunwook began, “You guys knew Nicholas from uni. He’s clearly got it bad for his best friend Euijoo, but things got sticky once the Korean guy started dating a girl. Then he broke up with her super quick, and now you suggest we organize this trip together as if it was a coincidence so these two may deal with whatever unresolved feelings they have for each other?”
Matthew stared at him. “Why are you so smart?”
Gunwook shrugged. “We’ve been through our own mess too.”
And thirty minutes later, the plan was in motion.
As the night deepened, the entire campsite entered rest. The caravan was dimmed, save for the glow of a small bulb mounted above the kitchen counter. Yudai left it on just to make sure no one tripped and died while climbing up the bunk.
On the pop-up roof bunk, Euijoo lay on the foam mattress beneath the tented ceiling. Then, he heard the sound of someone ascending the ladder.
Nicholas peeked his head through the opening before crawling in beside him. The mattress dipped beneath his weight.
“Why are you here?” Euijoo mumbled in his sleepy voice.
“Why can’t I be here?” Nicholas settled next to him.
The beds in Matthew’s motorhome were probably bigger, softer, and fluffier. This, on the other hand, was just foam pads piecing together. But Nicholas chose to be here. He chose to be where Euijoo was.
It was hard for Euijioo to not notice that.
Through the mesh window, the crescent moon accompanied their silence.
Euijoo closed his eyes.
Nicholas too.
If you asked Nicholas when he first fell in love with Euijoo, he wouldn’t be able to give you something concrete.
But he’d tell you how much Euijoo weighed in his heart.
How he never tired of pestering him just to hear that little groan of annoyance.
How he spoke to him in Korean, just to hear Euijoo’s low, velvety voice in his mother tongue.
If Euijoo was happy, so was he.
Or so he’d convinced himself.
They’re so close, yet so far. No matter how close they stood, he didn’t find it enough.
The fireworks reminded him of the purple yukata Euijoo wore last summer. It matched his warm skin tone, his glistening lips when he licked them– Nicolas stole a glance, and inevitably, a firework sparked inside his ribs.
His heart had pounded too fast, too loud when he imagined kissing him.
As much as the idea entertained him, he didn’t dare to actually do it, couldn’t even hold their eyes for more than a second.
He almost ruined their friendship.
But in the end, he ruined it anyway.
A part of him cracked the moment Euijoo moved to Osaka.
He’d said he supported him. Said he was happy for him when he went out with the girl from work.
“Congrats, finally not bitchless, huh?”
The words came out lightly. Only he knew how much it stung coming out. As a supportive friend , he liked their posts diligently and commented with flirty emojis.
Eventually, he didn’t know how to pretend anymore.
He tried to give Euijoo space. Tried not to be that clingy best friend (though, with utmost feelings) who couldn’t read the hint. He swallowed the ache at Matthew’s parties, while Euijoo drifted further out of reach.
Now, here he was again, with Euijoo by his side, only to be losing him again.
“So, I heard you’re going back to Korea.” Nicholas’s eyes still closed.
Euijoo hummed. “Next Tuesday.”
Nicholas swallowed.
He hadn’t stopped him from moving to Osaka. What made this time any different?
“Can’t you just… stay?” he whispered inaudibly, more like talking to himself.
He turned, only to find Euijoo already fast asleep, mouth slightly open like a goldfish. Moonlight lit up his cheekbones. His face looked impossibly soft and round. Nicholas reached out, brushing his cheek with a tender hand. Then, let out a frustrated sigh.
The next morning, sunlight pushed its way through the blinds of the RV. A fly flowed beside the heated glass. Between the shower stall and toilet, Ricky, in a black tank top, sat before the dresser, dabbing sunscreen onto his cheeks.
Behind him, Nicholas hovered, hair a wild mess.
Ricky caught his reflection through the mirror. “The Sun must be rising from the west. You’re actually awake.”
Nicholas made a face, dragging a hand through his chaotic bangs. “Air-con in the other van sucks,” he grumbled.
“Come here.” Ricky stood up and offered the seat.
Nicholas dropped onto the round stool and Ricky’s professionalism kicked in. He turned on the hair iron that was still warm from his previous use, lifting and curling Nicholas’s bangs adeptly.
After that, Nicholas leaned forward toward the mirror, admiring his reflection while adjusting the collar of his graphic shirt–
Fit check
Hair– perfect.
Makeup– perfect.
Accessories– perfect.
“Are you going on a date or something?” Ricky asked, turning off the hair iron.
“What?”
“I thought you came on this trip with him , not us .” Ricky leaned against the wall on the side, arms crossed. “You’d rather roast yourself in that budget van than sleeping here.”
Nicholas slumped deeper into the seat. “Euijoo broke up with his girlfriend. I just want to make him feel better.”
“Really?” From the van’s side entrance, Gunwook stepped in. He raised a brow. “Is that all ?”
Nicholas opened his mouth, ready to protest.
“The chargers are here.” Gunwook pointed at the lower cabinet as Jo and Yuma entered behind him.
“Thanks, hyung,” Yuma said. Before he reached for the storage, he turned to Nicholas with a straight face, “You two are helpless.”
“Most times,” Jo chirped in, tailing Yuma.
“All the time!” Maki joined them, turning up with a toothbrush sticking out from one cheek.
Nicholas groaned under their siege.
“Wait– how do you guys know?!”
“You really think this was a coincidence?” Matthew strolled in, sleeves rolled and hair damp from morning workout. He patted Nicholas’ chest lightly.
The ride to Aokigahara Forest, or the sea of trees people called it, was barely 20 minutes from the campsite. The passenger boys had been reluctant to get up from their mini nap, determined to stay cool indoor- if their ears weren’t mobbed by the cicadas' wails.
They had parked along a roadside turnout, taking a short walk through the mossy forest trail towards the Narusawa Ice Cave. The smell of soil dominated their senses. Trees rose like watchtowers with their roots entangled, gripping the ground.
The group spread out as they walked. Everyone craved a break from the heat, hence, eager to reach the ice cave.
Yudai slowed beside Euijoo. “I guess the upper bunk wasn’t that comfortable. We should have upgrade to a motorhome.”
Euijoo shook his head, pushing a damp strand off his forehead. “I’m really grateful,” he said softly. “To have you guys at both my highs and lows.”
Yudai smiled, heart filled by affection for the younger. “Did you tell Nicholas that too?”
Euijoo hesitated. Then shook his head again. “I thought it’d be awkward. But… I’m glad he’s the same.”
Still that brat who liked to bother him just to see him roll his eyes.
And, Euijoo realized, he still liked to be bothered.
His shy smile didn’t go unnoticed by Yudai.
“It’s not too late.” Yudai patted his shoulder gently. “Tell him how you truy feel. You’ll regret it more if you don’t.”
Before Euijoo could answer, the trees parted, revealing a small clearing. A wooden ticket hut awaited them next to the mouth of the cave.
The staff, standing by for the early visitors, bowed politely before explaining the safety rules, including going in pairs as the passage down was narrow.
“You know the drill,” Matthew said, cracking his knuckles. “Same rules.”
The boys raised their hands.
Euijoo threw rock.
Nicholas– scissors.
The rest? Open palms.
Laughter erupted.
“Again!”
This time, the whole group handed fists, except Nicholas and Euijoo both laid down paper.
“Looks like destiny chooses violence today,” Gyuvin whooped.
Nicholas turned to Euijoo in disbelief.
“We got our first pair!” Matthew announced instantly, shoving Nicholas toward Euijoo with a shit-eating grin.
Nicholas glanced suspiciously at the others. “So it was you guys,” he muttered under his breath.
He should have known. At first, it was hard to swallowed the fact that the whole trip was a setup. But he understood his friends' intention, and how lucky he was to have them by his sides.
Euijoo went ahead and stuck an arm past the cave entrance. A shiver ran up his skin. “It's really cool inside!” he commented, blissfully unaware of the coup behind him.
The stone steps spiraled steeply into the cave. Rusted metal railings chilled their palms as Nicholas and Euijoo descended in tandem, shoes skidding on the slick path, reverberating against the frosted rock walls. Ice, sharp and uneven, clung to the ceiling like fangs, gleaming blue under the artificial lights.
Nicholas lifted his phone, recording a shaky video. “You heard it,” he said dramatically. “This forest is haunted by the dead.”
“So?” Euijoo replied, unimpressed.
The cold bit at their skin the deeper they walked. Their breath fogged into steam before them. They almost forgot it was mid-summer.
The narrow passage was half shadowed, half lit by spotlights. They rounded a bend, and there came Nicholas’s mischievous grin.
He turned abruptly. “Boo!”
Euijoo blinked. “Seriously?”
Nicholas was already laughing. But then, he stiffened mid-step.
A slab of ice veined with pores caught his eyes. Hundreds of tight holes clustered like a wasp’s nest had frozen over. His skin prickled, stomach somersaulting.
One foot slipped on the wet step, Nicholas flailed. “Oh shit–”
Euijoo reached out to grab him. But instead of catching him, he got dragged down too.
They tumbled, collided, sliding down together. Bodies thudded against the frozen wall with a hollow clang– something metallic rattled loose.
All the lights went out in an instant. Their path vanished in the dark.
“Nichol, are you hurt?” Euijoo’s anxious voice called first.
“I’m okay. Are you?” Nicholas coughed. “My phone– damn it.”
He scrambled blindly, hands feeling the cold rock beneath him.
“Wait! Don’t move,” Euijoo's words rushed out before he could think. His warm hand found Nicholas’s. “So I won’t lose you.” The void was so quiet that they could hear the tremor in his breath.
They locked their fingers.
Euijoo remembered this grip– last summer, amid the festival crowd, he had taken Nicholas’ hand to keep them from drifting apart.
Nicholas’ calloused fingers. Nicholas’ hand that’s a little bigger than his.
He ached at the memory, ached at the touch.
Euijoo pulled out his phone, turning on the flashlight. The beam cut through the dark, mapping out their surroundings. His screen showed 15% battery– 14% now, with the torch eating it fast.
“You took like a thousand pictures,” Nicholas muttered.
“You even lost your phone.”
They accessed the space. The cave had pulled them lower than they could have expected, detouring them from the designed path. No stairs, no exit in sight.
Never the patient cat, Nicholas’ fingers curled around the rocks, testing the possibility to climb the wall. His legs followed as he tried to find a footing.
“Nichol, Stop!”
Just as Euijoo warned, Nicholas slipped his foot. He might have fallen the second time if Euijoo hadn’t grabbed him from behind.
They stumbled back without collapsing, fortunately.
“Calm down,” Euijoo said, bracing them both. “The staff will come look for us. It's better to stay where we are.”
Nicholas felt the shivers in Euijoo’s arms. “You’re freezing.” Then, he sneezed, the noise bounced back from the walls.
He dropped down to sit, tugging Euijoo with him. Nicholas’s arms wrapped around the other’s frame, drawing him close until not even air could slip between them. Immediately, warmth bloomed in their chests.
“I just don’t want to die,” he reasoned, holding back a sniffle. Every inhale stinging his lungs.
“Neither do I.”
For a long while, only the sound of their breathing filled the void and reassured them they had each other.
“I kept remembering,” Euijoo whispered. “Things. About us.”
Nicholas turned his head. “Me too.”
“Sometimes I just… I wish time could go back.”
Nicholas’s voice hoarse. “Can’t we go back?”
“I don’t know.”
“Because of her?” Nicholas snapped. “What is it that she can give you, but I can’t?”
His words were bitterer than he wanted to admit.
“It’s not about her,” Euijoo shot back with sudden heat. “It’s never about her.”
Nicholas couldn’t see his face in the dark, but he could feel the frustration when he spoke.
“We’ve been wasting time since last summer, Nichol.” Euijoo licked his dry lips.
Nicholas held his breath while Euijoo took a deep one.
“At the hanabi festival, I knew you were going to kiss me.”
Maybe it was the hush, the isolation that gave Euijoo the courage. Maybe it was the fact that Nicholas couldn’t see his expressions. Or maybe he wanted to, for once, listen to Yudai’s advice, to leave no regrets.
“I pretended nothing happened. Thought I should date a girl. Sorry, really.”
“Sorry for what?” Nicholas asked.
“For not being honest. I was scared.”
“I was too,” Nicholas murmured. “But I’m even more scared that you will go far away again…” His hand fisted the back of Euijoo’s shirt, fabric wrinkling in his grip.
Their foreheads touched, so close that they could feel each other’s breath– just like that night.
Nicholas reached up, thumb brushing Euijoo’s cheek, finding its way down the corner of his lips.
Euijoo took the hint, surging forward until their lips were touching. It started off light and sweet– savouring the plushness of Nicholas’ lips and the taste of his strawberry lip balm.
Then, Nicholas’s hand curled behind Euijoo’s nape, deepening the pull. Years of longing poured in as their lips clashed, molded.
Nicholas nipped at Euijoo’s lower lip. A moan slipped out of Euijoo’s throat– the sound far too clear in the suffocating quietness. Cheeks heated up in embarrassment, he pushed Nicholas lightly.
They pulled back, catching their breaths.
“Still scared?” Nicholas whispered in his ear.
Euijoo bit down on his swollen lip. “I just kissed a guy.”
Nicholas chuckled. “Congrats, I guess?”
Euijoo bumped his fist against his chest with a groan.
About 15 minutes later, a group of staff wearing helmets with headlights found them.
These two would have to pay for the damage if not for the fact they were foreigners. Everyone bowed repeatedly to the staff who spent their valuable time to help retrieve Nicholas’s phone.
That night was less peppy, less loud. Perhaps it was the knowledge that, come morning, they'd all go separate ways. One van back to Osaka. The other to Tokyo.
Everyone had begun packing. Euijoo sat on the lower bunk with his duffle bag half-zipped, staring blankly at his yesterday jeans stained with honey.
Then, without a word, he stood and stepped outside.
The night was cooler than the day. A few stars splattered in the sky when he looked up.
From the neighboring side, the RV door clicked open. Nicholas emerged too.
They gravitated to each other as if pulled by the same thread, meeting halfway on the gravel.
“I don’t want to pretend nothing happened this time,” Euijoo said, stopping inches in front of him.
“Neither do I.” Nicholas held his gaze as he admitted with a defeated smile, “I was jealous of her.”
“I know,” Euijoo replied without pause.
“You do know.”
Then, Nicholas closed the remaining distance between them, tipping his toes slightly to kiss Euijoo. It was brief. But enough audacity.
“I’ll wait for you,” Nicholas murmured. Then, with a breathy laugh, he amended, “No. I’ll come to you. Korea can't be that far.”
Euijoo stared, lips parted, stunned.
“I’m just going back for a week,” he said after a beat.
“A week?” Nicholas nearly choked.
“It’s my grandmother’s birthday.”
Nicholas flushed, hands falling to his sides. God, how desperate did he look just now?
Euijoo tilted his head, all innocence in pretense. “I’m halfway through my course. Do you really think I’d drop out… for a girl?”
Nicholas pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, exhaling deeply in relief. Okay, that was embarrassing. He forgot to activate the logical part of his brain when it came to Euijoo.
They laughed, shaking from head to toes.
“At least you’d know how to act like a guy dumped by a girl,” Nicholas teased, poking Euijoo’s round cheek.
He’d probably know how to act like a fool in love too.