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Robert makes a point of not getting up til noon. He wakes, briefly, with Aaron when he gets up for work at half seven. Tries his best to draw Aaron back in when he’s grumbling himself awake. It lasts an impressive ten minutes more, Aaron laying there, letting Robert wrap himself around him, breathing him in at the neck.
‘I really do have to get up,’ Aaron says, reaches behind him to run his palm down the outside of Robert’s thigh.
‘Stay,’ Robert mumbles against Aaron’s neck.
‘Would if I could,’ Aaron says, pulling himself out of Robert’s embrace—Robert makes a whiney noise that he catches Aaron smiling softly at when he turns around—‘But some of us have jobs, and money to earn.’
‘Spoilsport,’ Robert says mostly to the pillow. It smells of Aaron.
He’s vaguely aware of Aaron moving about as he showers then gets ready. He’s vaguely aware of Aaron pressing a kiss to his temple, and then he’s gone.
When Robert wakes properly at half past ten, the upstairs is quiet, but he can hear Charity or Chas moving about downstairs in the pub. He’s missed all the early morning pub hustle and bustle and finds himself feeling oddly bereft because of it.
It’s only been a week, but in that week he’s got caught up in the morning routine here. Aaron getting up for work, Liv and Noah getting up for school. Chas used to being up early to get the pub ready for lunch, while Charity is usually the last one up.
He’s felt more at home here than he has anywhere else in a long time. He’d never say as much to Vic, thought it’s no slight on her at all. He just feels like he’s imposing with Vic sometimes, like Vic and Adam want their time alone and he’s there. He doesn’t feel that way here with Aaron.
Which is surprising, considering.
* * *
He wastes an hour plittering on his phone—reading the news, watching youtube videos—before he gets fed up and decides he should get up and dressed. And his stomach is growling at him. He’s pretty sure he can convince Vic to make him breakfast despite it almost being lunchtime.
When he makes it to the kitchen Marlon is slamming about in the background, and Vic is chopping things at the counter when she looks up at the door opening. Her eyes go wide at him.
‘Rob!’ she squawks. ‘You can’t be in here!’
‘Why?’
‘J-just go!’ Vic flusters at him, she puts down her knife and pushes him towards the door. The door clicks shut in his face before he’s even processed what has just happened.
‘Happy birthday?’ Robert shouts at the door. Vic peers round the door ten seconds later, looking up at him sweetly.
‘Sorry Rob,’ she says. ‘Happy birthday. Go annoy Aaron, seeing as you’re boyfriends now.’ She smirks at him, getting that knowing look in her eye. Robert rolls his eyes at her. ‘Which, by the way, thanks for telling me!’ she ducks out of the kitchen to punch him in the arm.
‘Ow!’ Robert says, rubbing his arm. ‘It’s my birthday!’
‘You don’t get a free pass on this one,’ Vic says. ‘But I could have guessed since you haven’t been home in a week.’
‘I’ve been home…’
‘To get clothes,’ Vic says, she crosses her arms across her chest. ‘You could’ve told me!’
‘I would have! We just—’
‘We? You’re a we already?’
‘Vic—’
‘Oh I don’t have time for this,’ Vic says, uncrossing her arms to flap her hands at him. ‘Go. But this isn’t over!’
‘You? Drop something?’ Rob says, retreating as Vic glowers at him from the kitchen doorway. ‘Never.’
* * *
Aaron is taking apart a rusty old corsa when Rob draws up at the scrap yard. He pulls up next to Aaron’s Golf just in time to see Aaron stop what he was doing and pulling money from his pocket to give to Liv. Robert sucks in a breath, trying his best to bite his tongue as he gets out the car.
Both of them look over at him, then quickly avoid his gaze. It’s horribly suspicious.
‘I better get back to school,’ Liv says, she shoots a quick look at Aaron who tries to surreptitiously shake his head whilst pretending to scratch his beard. Robert narrows his eyes at him.
‘Bye nerd,’ Liv says with a smirk in Robert’s direction.
‘Charming as ever your sister,’ Robert says, stepping closer to Aaron as the pair of them watch Liv disappear from the entrance of the yard.
‘What’re you doing here?’ Aaron asks, gaze flicking to Robert. Robert responds by moving in closer to Aaron, crowding him up against the side of the corsa, bringing their hips together.
‘Adam about?’
‘Somewhere…’
‘Hmm,’ Robert says, leaning in to kiss Aaron. Aaron kisses him back, pulling Robert in closer as he reaches up to cup Robert’s face. He pulls away when Robert tugs at his hoodie.
‘Really? Out here?’
‘You afraid of a little PDA?’ Robert says, waggling his eyebrows at Aaron. They’ve kissed out here before, a year ago though it feels like a decade. Aaron bites his lips at him, but can’t stop a small private smile.
‘What happened to taking things slow?’ Aaron says.
‘Its my birthday…’
‘And how many times are you going to use that excuse?’
‘You only turn thirty once,’ Robert says, leaning in to kiss Aaron again, Aaron’s smiling too much to kiss him properly, but Robert moves, ducks his head to bury his nose in Aaron’s neck. Breathes him in.
‘Getting old now,’ Aaron says, lightly squeezing Robert’s nape. Robert rears back to look at him. ‘Which, by the way, I’ve got something for you.’
‘Oh really?’ Robert says, grinning at him, he’s still holding on to Aaron’s hips, but he slides his hands around to the dip of Aaron’s back between him and the car.
‘Don’t get too excited,’ Aaron says, shoving off from the car and pushing Robert back as he steps forward. He moves away, but holds a hand out to Robert. Robert takes it without second thought, twining their fingers together. ‘Its no ten grand watch mind.’
Robert feels like saying that a ten grand watch doesn’t compare to Aaron at all, and it doesn’t, he wouldn’t trade this moment right here for a hundred Rolexes. Its one of a long list of things Robert wants to say but feel like too much. He tightens his fingers around Aaron’s instead.
Aaron guides him around the portacabin, glancing back at him once, before he draws them to a stop. Parked at the back is a long, dark green, Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow. It’s almost fifteen years older than Robert himself, and its seen better days but Robert feels his heart swell at the sight of it.
Aaron got him this. It’s a hunk of junk, it has rust along the edges, and it needs a new windscreen, and it’s missing a wing mirror and three hub caps, and it has a ding in the drivers side door. The grill is rusted and the paint needs redone, and that’s just the exterior.
‘Aaron,’ Robert says, he’s breathless as he lets go of Aaron’s hand and steps towards the vehicle. He’s almost afraid to touch it in case it crumbles under his fingers.
‘I thought we could do it up together,’ Aaron says, and Robert looks at him abruptly, watches as Aaron nervously rubs at the back of his neck.
‘Yeah,’ Robert says, his mouth feels dry. He never thought he’d have a Rolls, never mind Aaron getting him one. ‘I’d like that.’
Aaron chews his lip a moment, the puts his hands in his pockets. He nods towards the car.
‘Bloke almost burst into tears when I said I’d buy it instead of scrap it,’ Aaron says. ‘Its all above board, by the way. His wife fell ill and he could never give it the attention it deserved. ’
‘Aaron,’ Robert says again, and he moves away from the car back over to Aaron, takes Aaron’s face in his hands and kisses him hard. When he pulls back Aaron’s pupils are wide, his face still doubtful. ‘I love it. It’s an amazing idea.’
‘Alright, it’s only a car,’ Aaron breathes, but he looks relieved. Robert pecks a quick kiss to the corner of Aaron’s mouth before he steps away again to the car. He pulls open the driver’s side door and drops himself into the seat. The whole car creaks ominously.
Aaron moves over, leaning on the door to look down at Robert. The inside needs as much TLC as the outside, but really, Robert is looking forward to the joint project as much as he is the end result. It’ll be something they’ve built, rebuilt, themselves and he can’t even put words to that.
It’ll take time to come together, but then, so did they.
‘It’s a lot of work,’ Aaron says. ‘Thought it’d give us some time together alone, y’know, brush up on those mechanic skills of yours.’
‘Thought I passed with flying colours last time,’ Robert says, smirking up at Aaron. Aaron rolls his eyes at him but smiles anyway.
‘Yeah, that was a van though,’ he says. ‘This is a work of art.’
‘Yeah, it is…’ Robert says, but he’s still staring at Aaron in awe. Still can’t believe that Aaron got him a Rolls-Royce of all things.
Aaron steps around the car door then, bending down to kiss Robert, hand in Robert’s hair before it settles on his nape. Robert reaches up to grab Aaron’s hoodie, pulling him down so they are awkwardly squashed in the driver’s seat, Aaron on his lap. Aaron breaks their kiss to laugh against him, then presses in close again, deepening their kiss.
Robert has just undone the zipper of Aaron’s hoodie, his hands sneaking up Aaron’s t-shirt seeking skin, when there’s a shout from across the yard.
‘Oi!’ They wrench apart—Aaron bumps his head on the roof, elbow thunking against the horn, it’s a sad half-hearted protest—to look over to where Adam is hanging out the back window of the portacabin. ‘Some of us don’t need to see their brother-in-law and best friend necking while they’re trying to eat!’
Aaron sticks a finger up at Adam, who laughs at him as he shuts the window most of the way again. Aaron looks back at Robert, his smile that soft private one that Robert is getting to see more and more of lately. He boxes them all up in a private place in his heart.
‘That’s why we’re not having sex in the yard,’ Aaron says.
‘You can make it up to me later,’ Robert says, drawing his hands slowly from Aaron’s stomach as Aaron reaches up towards the door and hauls himself back out of the car.
‘Yeah alright,’ Aaron says, he steps away to let Robert get out, looks back at him as Robert’s leans against the top of the door as Aaron had before.
‘I can be very grateful,’ Robert says with a grin. Aaron steps back towards him again, hands coming to rest on either side of Robert’s elbows on top of the car door.
‘You know,’ Aaron says. ‘I never made even half the fuss you’re making when it was my birthday.’
‘Well… we weren’t together on your birthday…’ Robert says. He doesn’t say what they’re both thinking, about how Gordon had not long come back in the picture, about how Aaron had started hurting himself again. He doesn’t have to because it’s there behind Aaron’s eyes and he knows its there behind his too.
‘Hmm,’ Aaron hums, biting at his lips nervously.
‘I’ll make it up to you,’ Robert says, trying to lighten the mood, move away from Gordon, always away from Gordon. ‘Next year, I’ll make the biggest fuss—’
‘God, don’t you dare,’ Aaron says with a grin. ‘I’ll settle for staying in bed all day—’
‘Done,’ Robert says, leans in to kiss Aaron softly.
‘Oi!’ Adam’s voice sounds again, closer this time, and Aaron and Robert part to see him rounding the side of the portacabin. ‘Are you two going to do any actual work today, or just have me reaching for the brain bleach?’
‘Shurrup,’ Aaron says, pushing off the door. He claps Robert on the arm as he so often does, then heads towards Adam. ‘Which of us just had a two hour lunch?’
‘I had to get stuff for Vic!’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Aaron says, he slaps Adam on the back as they head back towards the front yard. He pauses to look back at Robert. ‘You coming?’
‘Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute,’ Robert says, closing the door of the Rolls with more care than it truly merits.
‘Its not going to fall apart,’ Aaron says. But he shakes his head at Robert in an affectionate way and leaves him standing staring at the Silver Shadow, thinking about how nine months ago he thought he’d lost everything, and now he’s wondering how he got this lucky.
* * *
Robert does give up on the ‘It’s my birthday, I refuse to do anything’ tactic pretty quickly. He falls into a routine with Aaron and Adam as they take apart the corsa, something therapeutic in the motions of tearing apart a car. He can feel his shoulders unwinding, stresses bubbling away to a simmer.
It had been the same when Aaron had gone to Ireland, and Robert had thrown himself into the scrap yard, it was the only way he didn’t lose his mind checking his phone all the time. He wonders if it’s the same for Aaron too. A less harmful way of running away.
Aaron and Robert head off to Hotten to meet with a supplier late afternoon. Aaron, who usually craves his private time, lets Robert tag along with no arguments, which Robert knows is because its his birthday but he doesn’t make a fuss about it anyway. He just enjoys the quiet flatbed truck ride, silently enjoying Aaron’s company in a way that they’ve rarely gotten to.
Everything is new. He’s okay with that. It’s like learning a whole new person, and Robert has been with a few, and this one feels different somehow. Not because Aaron is a man, it’s not, he’s lusted after men before, like he’s lusted after women before. He’s loved women before, and Aaron is the first man, but its nothing to do with gender; its just Aaron.
Aaron who is the damaged, hurt, angry thing that pushes people away. Aaron who is like him in many ways but also different in a hundred others. Sometimes he thinks they were meant to be just to find ways to be less damaged together, but then other times Aaron softens and looks at him like he’s the sun and he wonders how he deserves someone as inherently good as Aaron Dingle.
Aaron’s done horrible things in his past, sure, who hasn’t in their tiny town, but Robert knows deep down Aaron will do the right thing in the end. He always has.
Robert doesn’t deserve him, really, but that just makes him want to hold on harder.
‘What?’ Aaron barks at him when they are pulling off the motorway. ‘You’ve got a weird look on your face.’
‘Nothing,’ Robert says, but he doesn’t look away, just keeps watching as Aaron glances both ways before pulling out onto a roundabout. Aaron flicks a look at him.
‘Out with it,’ he says.
‘I love you,’ Robert says, and Aaron does a double take at him. He doesn’t think either of them have ever said it when it’s not been an intense moment, when it hasn’t been an all-or-nothing confession. It makes him feel lighter just being able to say it without feeling like there’s an agenda. Like he’s not trying to win Aaron back.
‘Yeah, I know,’ Aaron says, he swallows thickly, he looks like he wants to say it back but can’t. Not right now. Robert reaches across to where Aaron’s hand is on the gearstick, places his palm over Aaron’s white knuckles, softens his grip.
‘You don’t have to say it back,’ Robert says, and Aaron looks at him for a second before he looks back at the road. It’s enough. Robert can read in his eyes what he can’t say.
* * *
Their meeting is boring, but successful. The flatbed is filled with scrap, there’s another meeting in the works for the following week. It gives Robert a sense of pride watching Aaron with clients, how he becomes a different Aaron from the one he’s so used to seeing. Businessman, entrepreneur, self-employed, and self-assured. It reminds him of his early days, when he’d first started schmoozing clients. He’s suddenly struck with how young Aaron is, how far he has to go. How he wants to stick around to see that growth.
They make a stop at a service station on their way back, for fuel and two ghastly Americanos. Aaron buys him a slice of cake that he hands him with a smug smile. Robert kisses him until the car behind them honks its horn to tell them to get moving.
They laugh breathily into one another’s mouths, and then Robert moves away to eat his cake while Aaron starts up the truck and they head back home.
* * *
If Vic’s behaviour this morning/afternoon had been the first clue, and Liv’s the second, then Aaron’s is the third. As soon as they come back off the motorway and start following the b-roads back to Emmerdale, Aaron starts acting shifty.
He won’t look at Robert, keeps rubbing his palms over the thighs of his jeans like they’re sweaty. When Robert tries to ask him what’s up he’s told a clipped ‘nothing’ and Robert decides not to press. Which is new. He’s trying here.
They get back to the yard a little after six; Aaron starts pottering around the yard, digging a tarp out from the racking at the side of the portacabin. Robert stands with his hands in his pockets, not quite sure what to do with himself now.
‘I’ll just head back to the p—‘
Aaron’s eyes go a little bit wild when he turns to look at Robert.
‘No!’
‘What?’ Robert says, bewildered, he holds his hands out as well but they are still in his pockets so it looks borderline ridiculous.
‘Er, help me throw this over the stuff,’ Aaron says. ‘Me and Adam I can get it tomorrow.’
‘Okay…’ Robert says, still feeling perplexed as he moves towards Aaron, takes his hands from his pockets to take the other end of the tarp from Aaron. Aaron’s now watching him in an odd sort of way, like he thinks Robert is just going to sprint to his car and drive off. ‘What?’
‘Nothin’,’ he says too quickly. He looks away from Robert as he ties down the tarp to the end of the truck, ignoring Robert staring at him. When he looks back up Robert is still half-watching him as he’s tucking in the green sheeting. ‘We should go back together.’
‘But both our cars are here?’
‘I’ll get mine tomorrow.’
‘Right…’
‘Why are you being weird?’
‘I’m being weird?’ Robert asks incredulously. Aaron rolls his eyes at him, he moves over to Robert’s side of the truck, pulling the sheeting from Robert’s hands and tying it down.
‘Gimmie your keys.’
‘What, no,’ Robert says immediately, then, ‘Why?’
Aaron doesn’t reply, just steps up into Robert’s space and digs into his jacket pockets until he finds the key. He waggles it at him, smirking at Robert’s confused expression.
‘Come on,’ Aaron says, he bumps their shoulders as he passes Robert, sauntering across the yard to Robert’s car.
* * *
Robert figures there’s definitely something going on when Aaron stalls and says they need to nip to David’s shop for something. He comes out with a box of cereal and a bag of apples, and Robert just looks at him like he’s nuts when Aaron shoves them at him.
The biggest tip off is when Robert gets out of the car and heads towards the front door, when Aaron grabs him by the arm and steers him towards the back.
‘Wh—’
‘I thought we’d just avoid the crowd, eh?’
‘Right…’ Robert says. He’s still holding onto the cereal and the apples. Aaron’s hand is still lightly gripping his bicep as he walks them in the back entrance.
Aaron hovers behind him as they head in, the hand that was on Robert’s arm is dropped to rest on his lower back in a way that disconcerts more than comforts. Aaron steers him towards the main room.
As soon as he opens the door there’s a burst of sound that he flinches at, and looks back at Aaron who smiles at him impishly as he takes the cereal and apples away from him. When he looks back at the room—there’s streamers and balloons everywhere—he sees Vic rushing towards him, gathering him in a hug before he realises what’s even happening.
He hugs her back, taking in the people in the room. It’s not a big party by any means, but it’s everyone that counts. There’s Chas and Liv, Vic and Adam, Noah, Aaron, and then he notices Diane. He lets go of Vic, moving past his sister to his stepmother.
‘Diane!’ he hugs her and she clings back. ‘I thought you were in Spain.’
‘Happy Birthday, love,’ she says in his ear. ‘I wouldn’t miss your thirtieth now, would I?’
He lets her go, lets Chas give him a squeeze of a hug before she moves off to get wine from the kitchen. Its then that he notices the spread of food that Vic has clearly been slaving over all day, the 30th birthday cake that’s taking pride of place in the middle of the table—it’s a Porsche, bright red with a yellow 30 on the roof—he feels overwhelmed with how much he loves his little sister right then.
Aaron appears at his side again, and Robert gives him a one-armed hug, kissing his temple. Aaron smiles at him, small and private in a way he’s still not convinced he deserves.
* * *
It’s not until everyone is full of food and drink and cake and the crowd has dwindled down that Robert finally gets a seat. Liv, who has been quiet all night, still unsure of all these new people Robert is sure—she’s gone from having just her mum to having a brother and a sort-of-mum, and Robert and all the family and hustle bustle that comes with all of them—flops down on the sofa next to him. She hands him a messily wrapped present.
‘Happy birthday,’ she says quietly, she’s not really looking at him, but rather at Aaron who is sitting on the armchair to Robert’s right. He’s smiling in that soft way again at them both, head propped up on his hand.
Robert unwraps it, and inside is a pale blue Austin Healey, exactly like the one Chrissie bought for him through Aaron. He laughs, because he knows it’s completely unintentional, there’s no way Liv could know, it’s not something Aaron would have told her. He shows it to Aaron who laughs too and covers his eyes with his hands.
‘What?’ Liv says, immediately defensive, and Robert looks at her, smiling.
‘My er… my ex-wife bought me a car just like this, from Aaron actually…’
Liv is ogling him like she can’t really believe that he was married, that there was someone before Aaron. That there was a woman before Aaron.
‘You were married?’ Liv asks. ‘What happened?’
‘He did,’ Robert says, nodding towards her brother. Liv gives him a confused look, her gaze flicking to Aaron.
‘Er, I think you’ll find you happened,’ Aaron said, leaning his face on his hand again. He’s looking at Robert in a wholly affectionate way.
‘It wasn’t one of my finest moments…’ Robert says.
‘I can take it back, swap it,’ Liv says, she reaches for the metal car still in its plastic and cardboard packaging, but Robert folds it in closer to his chest.
‘It’s fine, I love it,’ Robert says, he pulls Liv into a one-armed hug like he had her brother earlier, she reluctantly hugs him back. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome I guess,’ she murmurs, but he notices she holds on a little tighter after that. He reckons she’s not so bad when she’s not so prickly. He just needs to get through all the defences like he had her brother. Inside there’s a good kid.
‘Right, bed,’ Aaron says, he nods to the clock that reads half past ten. Liv makes a face.
‘It’s the weekend!’ she says.
‘Yeah, and its bedtime,’ Aaron says, rolling his eyes.
Liv screws her mouth up in a way that’s very similar to when Aaron bites his lips in the annoyed way. She pushes up off the couch.
‘Fine, but I’m going on my iPad.’
‘Fine,’ Aaron says. ‘An hour.’
It’s Liv’s turn to roll her eyes.
‘I will check up on you,’ Aaron adds. Liv huffs at him, and stomps off, they both listen as she clomps up the stairs and down the hall to her room. She doesn’t slam her door though, so small mercies.
Robert and Aaron sit in silence for a long moment, Aaron watching him in that affectionate way still. Robert looks away, turns the toy car over in his hands. He thinks how far they’ve come from that moment as well. How suspicious he’d been, how professional Aaron had been. How they’d rubbed one another up the wrong way.
‘What?’ Aaron says, Robert hears him push off the armchair, stepping over Robert’s crossed legs to flop into the seat Liv had just vacated. He’s solid and warm against Robert’s side.
‘Just…’ Robert looks to the side, Aaron’s watching him, he holds the car up like its an explanation. ‘We’ve come a long way, y’know?’
‘Yeah, I know,’ Aaron says softly, and he takes the car from Robert’s hands, puts it down on the coffee table. He leans in to kiss Robert, soft and inviting like a promise before he moves back. ‘I do love you.’
Robert’s breath hitches, which is ridiculous he knows, like he knows that Aaron loves him, didn’t have to hear it to know. It’s nice to hear it anyway. It’s rare enough that Robert will take it when it comes.
He pushes forward and kisses Aaron hard, hands grabbing Aaron’s hoodie. Aaron’s hands move to Robert’s arms, gripping him tight as they move chest to chest. They break for air, foreheads still pressed together. Aaron’s pupils are wide, the irises dark blue.
‘Upstairs, now,’ Aaron says, a smirk pulling at the edges of his mouth.
‘What about Liv?’
‘I bet you she’s sleeping already,’ Aaron says, standing up from the couch, he holds a hand out to Robert.
Robert takes it, and lets Aaron lead him upstairs. They pause at Liv’s door, Aaron peering around the doorway before he closes it most of the way.
‘Told ya,’ Aaron says, turning to face Robert. He steps into Robert’s space, leading him backwards to his own small bedroom.
They stop briefly, as Robert presses Aaron’s back up against his door, their kiss bordering frantic as Aaron pulls at the door handle. They tumble into the room, Robert kicking the door shut as he’s pulling off his jumper. Aaron flops down on the bed, smiling up at him when Robert moves to stand between his legs.
Aaron sits up as Robert stoops down; they meet in the middle for a kiss that is softer and gentler than the last. Robert strokes his fingers over Aaron’s beard, cupping his face when he moves back just a little to look at him.
‘I love you,’ Robert says, for the second time that day, he thinks he means it more every time he says it. Aaron bites his lips, hands moving to rest on Robert’s hips.
‘Yeah,’ Aaron says, eyes fluttering shut when Robert presses in to kiss him again. Robert breathes him in, holds on like he never wants to let go. And he doesn’t. Everything is Aaron, and Aaron is everything, and he couldn’t have asked for anything better for his thirtieth birthday than this man and this moment.
Robert thinks this is probably the best birthday he’s had in a long time.
Screw the ten grand Rolex.
He might have lost his world, but he gained a universe.