Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sometimes, Kris felt like the loneliest person in the world. Maybe it was because they had never met another human before. Maybe it was because they're weird. Maybe they were simply like this. Different.

They didn't pay much attention to the distance between them and everyone else when they were a child. Back then, Kris had Asriel, who'd put away his homework just to play a game with them, Dess, who excitedly shared with them all her favourite music and movies, and Noelle, who'd always hug them no matter how much Kris scared her.

Now? Now, Asriel was away. Dess was gone. Noelle found new friends – objectively better friends, who don't hide under her bed and give her childhood traumas.

They were defective.

Wrong.

Bringing only problems and misfortune.

Maybe that's why Kris felt hope when Susie showed up.

Susie, with her towering height, ruffled clothes and unkempt hair, looked like someone who'd grab your throat and squeeze it. Break it with wide palms and sink sharp nails into the skin. No one liked Susie much. She didn't like everyone either.

She doesn't talk to classmates. She doesn't spend time in the library doing homework. She doesn't care about her appearance. She's not invited to parties and birthdays. As far as Kris knows, she doesn't have anyone. A lonely freak of the town to entertain normal monsters.

Just like them. Like Kris.

So they hoped to get to her. To connect with Susie, just like lonely, pathetic teenagers do in the movies. To be two lonely freaks together.

Kris hadn't thought through that word "lonely" usually implies that the person stays completely by themselves. Singular soul, drowning in routine and thoughts never spoken.

"Why is it so dark in here?"

Papers whispered in unison with steps. Kris looked down at them, picking up something that looked like an old test from the floor. While Susie was wandering around, searching for a switch between dusted shelves and boxes, they folded paper into a small paper plane.

They made a mistake, and one wing was bigger than the other. Seeing a defective paper plane made Kris feel slightly better, for no reason whatsoever.

"Why they couldn't just place damn switch outside?! Who's the idiot responsible for this?!"

A box dropped, its contents rolling out on the floor. Plastic cups for painting with water colours. Susie cursed, kicking it away and dipping her hand right into the darkness between the shelves.

Deep breath. It wasn't exasperated or annoyed. Kris was tired. They carefully held a paper plane with only two fingers, reaching into the pocket and fishing out a phone.

It lit up, the ceiling emerging from the inky space of a closet. Kris saw moss growing out of the crack on it. It vaguely looked like a goat.

"Kris?" – Susie called out, looking at them.– "Are you seriously staring at the ceiling right now? If you have a flashlight, at least use it to find that stupid box of chalk nerd-lizard wants! Point it here!"

Kris exhaled. They guided the light at Susie, her purple skin looking brighter under the flashlight.

That was a mistake.

"Shit!"– blinded by unexpectedly bright flashlight, Susie stumbled back, hitting one of the shelves.

It felt like the whole room rattled, as if any second now the floor would crumble. Something fell and broke into pieces with a loud and ringing clatter. A deep groan came from the shadows, and both Susie and Kris held back their breath.

Kris unconsciously raised the paper plane to their chest.

Doors behind them shut. Creaking of the hinges went quiet, leaving dead silence behind.

Susie's figure, barely accentuated by the phone's flashlight, hurried past Kris, pushing them to the side and ramming into the door.

"Shit, shit, shit! C'mon, you damn door!"– she growled, kicking rusted metal surface.– "HEY! CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME?! LET US OUT! WE ARE STUCK!"

Kris felt their heart throb in their ribcage, begging to be let out. Being unable to break through the flesh, it crawled up their throat, pressing against their pulse from inside.

"HEY! HE-E-EY!"– Susie kicked the door again and again and again and again...

It was hard to differentiate consistent thunderous hits from wild heartbeat.

Kris breathed in. They went into the contact book, pressing the number named "mom".

Dial rang out in the small space of the closet. Kris couldn't see without a flashlight pointing at her, but Susie seemed to stop her fruitless attempts to call for help.

Please, pick up,– Kris thought.

Phone was ringing.

Kris breathed in, swallowing heart in their throat.

Phone kept ringing.

It clicked.

They were officially stuck.

"Give it to me!"– a growl came out from somewhere close.

Purple hand swam out of the darkness, snatching phone out of Kris' hands.

Kris gave it away without much resistance, stepping back and wandering in the darkness in search of the comfortable corner.

They had no idea why Susie thought the result would change if she was the one calling, but it, of course, did not. If mom isn't picking up then she put her phone on silent and hid it in the drawer of her desk.

"Goddamn'it..."– Susie grumbled, her face appearing in the darkness when she pulled the phone away from her ear.

Kris sat down on the pile of paper, bringing a knee to their chest. They raised a paper plane to the level of their eyes, trying to see its white wings with red ink marks. Everything remained black.

An artificial voice supplied Susie with information that the number she tried to call is not available now. Dad kept his phone turned off most of the time, since he couldn't pay for the bills consistently.

"Who's Asriel?"– Susie rasped, urgently stomping.

"Brother,"– Kris wistfully hummed.– "He's out of town."

"S-s-shit... And what now?..."

Kris blinked, surprised by the sincere, worried tone in Susie's voice.

"For how long we'll be sitting there? What will we eat? What will we drink? What if I want to pee?"– Susie questioned herself more than them.

Kris pursed their lips in confusion. That... Was a weird change. But not an unwelcome one. At least she wasn't insulting them.

But Kris had no answer to her questions either way.

"Why are you so damn quiet?!"– one of the shelves rattled from a kick.

Light from the screen found its way to Kris, sitting in the corner. Kris narrowed their eyes, seeing nothing but blinding white. They shouldn't have spoken so soon.

"What, did you bite off your tongue when falling down on your ass?"– she growled.

"Mom will turn on her phone when her classes end."

Light moved from their face to the floor. Colourful stains danced in the darkness at a sudden change of colour. They could swear they heard Susie swallow.

"And when do they end?"– she asked carefully.

Kris hummed, playing with the wings of their paper planes that were a little bit visible in the dim light. They tried to fix the defective wing, but gave up, coming to the conclusion they'd need to unfold it first.

"About four or five hours."

With neither of them talking, Kris could hear Susie's breath, rustle of papers under them, creaking of shelves that asked Kris not to lean on them too much, their heart steadily thrumming against the ribs.

"Great..."– Susie mumbled.

Glow of the phone moved, getting closer. Susie sat down in the next corner, heavily settling against the box with decorations. She handed Kris their phone back, saying nothing.

Kris looked at the old, cracked screen. They had mom's apple pie with a knife sticking out, set as wallpaper.

"Sixty-nine percent."

"Couldn't you charge your phone before going out?"

"Couldn't you bring your own phone with you?"

Susie snarled – Kris was sure she did, even without pointing a light at her.

"You think, if we are stuck together, you can talk whatever you want?"

Kris didn't answer. They lowered the brightness of their screen to save the charge and placed it between them.

Susie remained silent. Painfully so. Maybe she felt awkward. Kris definitely would've felt awkward if they got stuck with someone they tried to threaten a few minutes ago. Not that they really felt threatened. Getting face bitten off seemed like an alluring outcome at this point in their life.

Dim, bluish glow covered the part of the closet where they were sitting. Kris sighed, looking up. They noticed the same moss that was growing out of the crack on the ceiling. It was barely visible, light hardly reaching it. But Kris still saw a goat in it.

Kris inhaled. It couldn't get worse, right?

"This moss. On the ceiling."

They heard Susie raise her head, her clothes rustling.

"It looks like a goat."

Susie didn't answer.

Kris exhaled. That was expected.

Another minute passed.

"Nah,"– Kris flinched at unexpected grumbled words.– "Don't see any goat. Looks like a dude in a hat to me."

Kris swallowed, looking down at the paper plane in their hands. Focusing on it rather than on Susie or the moss, they answered.

"Maybe it's a goat in a hat."

"Why the heck would a goat wear a hat?"

Kris thoughtfully hummed.

"Because it's shy?"

Susie chuckled.

"That's dumb... What this goat in a hat is doing here anyway? Got stuck there too?"

Kris swallowed. They cleared their throat and spoke up with a more shy and sweet voice.

"Welcome, heroes!..."

"What the?!..."

Kris continued.

"Don't be alarmed. I... Am the prince of this Kingdom... The Kingdom of darkness."

"Well,"– Susie sniffed, grumbling in a startled tone at the impromptu voice acting.–"Your Kingdom sucks. Get a lamp or something."

Kris snorted, but quickly picked up their speech.

"There's a legend in this land... Usually, light and shadow worlds coexist in harmony. But the prophecy says that one day... Dark geysers of pure darkness will fill the world, ruining the balance."

"Your goat sure as heck is unbelievably talkative, Kris,"– Susie noticed with unusually soft scoff.– "Didn't expect it, considering its owner is a quiet weirdo."

"At the same time, three heroes would appear. A human... A monster... And a prince of darkness... Together they will seal the geysers and restore the balance between the worlds, banishing the Titan and its Knights that would come from the deepest shadows to destroy the worlds...

Just today... One of the dark geysers had appeared...

And I believe you're those heroes from the prophecy."

Kris finished, feeling weirdly excited. Sometimes, they would play like this with Asriel when they were little. Asriel stopped playing in this game after he'd hit fourteen – he only agreed to play in "Dangers in Dungeons" as something similar, but Kris couldn't get through even one campaign. It had so many boring rules.

This was nice. To do this again with someone.

Kris waited for Susie to answer the "goat in the hat".

Instead, she answered them.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever,"– Susie abruptly changed her tone to a deeper one.– "Can't you shut up already?"

Kris' shoulders dropped in confusion. They glanced at Susie, seeing her bounce her feet, her hands hidden in pockets.

They frowned.

Kris spoke up again, putting the paper plane they'd made down near the glowing phone.

"Heroes!... Please... Won't you accept your destiny?"

Susie huffs, turning away.

It's a good reaction. Usually, she'd snarl or grab their hoodie to manhandle them. So Kris patiently waited.

"Why the heck would I become a hero of your stupid prophecy?"– Susie eventually replied, whispering.

She glared at them, her eyes peeking from behind dark hair.

"Aren't you a bit too old to play in games like this?"– she smirked.

Kris saw large purple hand move towards their paper plane. They knew what she was going to do. They didn't stop her.

Susie grabbed poor paper plane and crushed it in her hands,

"Get a life, freak. You're lucky I need your mom to save us,"– she hissed, heavily leaning on the box in her corner and throwing a crumpled paper ball on the floor.

Kris leaned back against the shelf, thinking. Are they really that childish for wanting to enjoy themselves?

They searched on the floor for another test to make a new paper plane. This time it'll be better,– they thought absent-mindedly.

But what Kris felt with the tip of their fingers was not a test. Little paper was smoother, smaller. They picked it up, looking down. It's a card with a red-black pattern. On the other side, a Jack of spades was depicted.

Cogs were turning in Kris' head as they raised their head and squinted, focusing on the darkness behind the shelf. Surface was different, as if made out of wood. It clicked, and Kris opened their mouth to tell Susie the good news.

But crumpled paper between them stopped words from coming out. Kris pursed their lips, battling with the bitterness they felt.

Bitterness won. Instead of telling Susie about the door to the abandoned classroom, they quietly mumbled:
"If you play along. I'll turn the lights on."

"What?"– Susie exhaled in humourless amusement.– "Like hell I would."

Kris waited. They started to get a hang of Susie's reactions.

"Fine!"– she eventually barked out in frustration.– "I'll play your stupid game! What do I have to do, agree to be a hero?"

"No. Just answer Ralsei. And other characters. If they appear. You can describe what you're doing."

Susie groaned, irritated.

"I'm not going to be a hero. Save your dumb dark world by yourself,"– Susie gambled.– "I just want to get out of your Kingdom."

"I, um... I don't think that's possible... You have to seal the fountain to get back to the light world,"– Kris replied in Ralsei's voice, sounding more nervous than they ever did in their life.

"Yeah, well, then I'll seal it by punching it real hard,"– Susie deadpanned.

"B-but Susie. Without you, the world will... Will be destroyed."

"So what? Sounds fun to me, I see no issue in that."

"I, erm... I don't think that'll..."– Kris interrupted themselves, dramatically extending the Jack of spades between two fingers and using a new voice to laugh.– "The heroes are already here and they haven't noticed me! My dad's gonna make me Son of the Month!"

Susie looked at them with confusion, her eyes blinking at Kris through the bangs.

"It's a little chubby boy who has a spade-shaped head,"– Kris generously supplied in their normal voice.– "He's riding on three-wheel bike. The bike is on fire."

Susie snorted but quickly ate back an unprompted laugh.

"Who the hell are you?!"– she asked, trying to sound irritated, but it came out confused more than anything.

"I'm!..."– Kris dramatically shook the card.– "The bad guy!"

Voice they used didn't fit the bad guy at all.

"You CLOWNS want to steal our fountain, huh?"– spade said.– "Well, too bad for you – who I still think of as CLOWNS – because I, Lancer, will stop you from moving that shelf and going through the door to the abandoned classroom!"

Kris partly expected Susie to stand up and go for the door this instant. When she didn't, Kris put more effort into voicing.

"I have a flawless plan to ensure it!"– Kris made an arc with the card between their fingers.– "Step one: I thrash you! Step two: you lose!"

Susie hummed, actually considering said words. It made Kris so happy, they thought their whole face was glowing as brightly as the screen of the phone.

"Hm. Nice plan, kiddo,"– Susie scoffed, playing along.

"R-really?"– Kris was happy the stuttering suited the character at this moment to mask their embarrassing mistake.

"Yeah, actually... Mind if I use it on you instead?"– then she, with astounding confidence, told Kris.– "I want to punch this guy's bike, Kris!"

Kris inhaled. Their heart fluttered in their ribcage, tickling them.

They let Susie fight Lancer. They even gave her an ax. She was excited at the idea, smiling with her sharp teeth.

The fight ended with Lancer running away for dinner. Susie snorted at it.

Kris inhaled, unsure of how to continue. Susie grunted.

"Well. Let's move that shelf,"– she said, standing up.

Kris scattered away, giving her space. It felt a bit bitter to leave the story at its start, but dark closet wasn't the best playground, they could admit that at least. It was fun while it lasted.

With impressive ease, Susie moved the obstacle and saw the door to the unused classroom. She grabbed the doorknob, practically breaking it in the process of opening the old door.

Kris side-stepped her, getting inside with the flashlight on their phone. They smoothly avoided all scattered boards and figures on the ground, walking up to the switch and flipping it on.

Light blinded them both for a second.

"Ugh, finally! I was starting to think I'm going to turn into a mole!"– Susie grumbled, looking around.

She smiled, seeing the door to the hallway and stomped to it with determination. Kris sighed, throwing the Jack of spades on the checkered carpet. It landed between another card and a lego piece. It... Really was fun.

The doorknob rattled in Susie's grasp. Door creaked. It did not open. She tried again, once, and then kicked the door.

"Shit... And here I was hoping we're out."

Kris shrugged. No one uses this place anymore. They should've expected that it would be locked as well.

Susie turned around. Kris felt her gaze. She scrunched her face for a second, then silently shuffled to the carpet and dropped down onto it.

"Continue your stupid game then, I guess."

Their heart somersaulted, attempting to jump out of their mouth.

Kris held it back, sitting down as well and describing Susie their adventure.

Something clicked.

Maybe they could be lonely together, in the end.

Chapter Text

Kris had no idea how they got to This. This friendship. This relationship. This something.

They do remember how it led to This. They spend four hours playing in an unused classroom until Toriel let them out. Before leaving, Kris collected the glass shards of an old vase – one they accidentally shattered when Susie hit the shelves – they'd told Susie shards will become props for future game sessions. Susie cracked an excited smile, though she quickly covered it with a fist, pretending to clear her throat.

Since then they would meet up to hang out. "You have to find all the shards. I hid them all over the town,"– Kris explained to her one day and Susie was determined to win even if they weren't competing.

It was unbelievable how everything suddenly got better with Susie by their side. They started talking more, they had someone to share their interests with, which, in retrospect, reignited passions in Kris that they had long forgotten. Toriel seemed more happy, spending less time complaining about Asgore and even teaching Susie how to bake a cake. Kris' grades became more stable because now they have regular study sessions, helping Susie with homework and working on the project.

Even Noelle started talking with them again! Kris happily agreed to move one of the "shadow crystals" into the library, which led to Susie absolutely-definitely-accidentally meeting Noelle and Berdly, who were working there on their own project.

Obviously, neither Kris nor Susie bothered to join them in their noble pursuit of knowledge. Instead, they dragged both nerds into their game, making Noelle solve mouse puzzles and laughing at Berdly getting friendzoned by the Queen (Berdly got so into his character, that he forgot that Queen is actually Kris teasing him). When Kris noticed Noelle giving Susie flustered glances, they came up with an impromptu Ferris wheel ride. If Noelle and Susie date then they could hang out together! At least, they thought that's how it works.

Noelle was practically glowing from embarrassment and excitement. Susie good-naturedly laughed at it, but complained about this event being boring. "I take back my words about puzzles being lame, this was worse. I literally did nothing! I haven't even smashed anyone with an ax!" Kris smiled, compensating such a mistake on their part with a mecha battle – a badly drawn picture of Queen in MS Paint versus Asriel's old robot toy that looked like a chimera right out of Hell.

So far Susie has found two "crystals". Sometimes they'd hang out without playing this game of pretend at all, because as much as Kris loved to improvise, they had to at least have a rough idea of what would happen. Going to the diner, exploring the city or forest, watching movies together – everything was just as fun with her.

There was something special about Susie. Because Susie was as straightforward as a railway, because Susie was as emotional as a cartoon character, because Susie was as insane as Kris is. They were different yet matched each other like no one else did.

Kris adored Susie.

They weren't sure what to do about that.

Love at first sight is a ridiculous concept to Kris. It's not about love – at least not the one they count as something serious – it's entirely about appearance preferences. You can't learn anything about the person from that fleeting interaction, no matter how loud your heart is drumming in your chest or how much your palms sweat. Love is about connection, about what ties you together, rights and wrongs of both of you.

They told Susie about it, munching on popcorn. Cinema was empty at this hour – they bailed out of school for yet another time, deciding to watch all movies that were being shown today.

"I mean..."– Susie hummed, scrunching her face in thought.– "I guess the idea is nice. Who wouldn't like to be told someone finds you so damn attractive they think they fell in love with you."

She grabbed a mouthful of popcorn, shoving it in her mouth.

"But yeah, this doesn't sound serious to me either. Actually pretty creepy, when you think about it,"– Susie pointed at the cinema screen where the main character was trying to match all the girl's preferences to impress her.– "Look at this shit! This is a psycho in the making! I bet if the girl refuses to date him, he'll pull out a chainsaw and 'll go full Leatherface."

Kris impishly smiled.

"That'd be fun."

Susie barked out a laugh, her jaw opening wide and her teeth showing.

"Heck yeah!"– she exclaimed, hitting Kris' back.

Kris smiled a bit wider.

"U-u-uh, so I'm just cracking the eggs in a bowl..."

Kris scratched their stomach under the hoodie, glaring at Toriel's handwriting in the recipe book. It was too fancy looking to be comprehensible.

"Dunno."

"What the heck do you mean, you don't know?! Just read the thing!"

"I can't."

Susie groaned, grumbling and peeking over their shoulder, holding an egg in one hand. She condescendingly glared at the note, narrowing eyes. Her upper lip lifted up in concentration, showing a glimpse of fangs. Kris was politely waiting for her verdict. Ignore their "what did I tell you" expression.

Susie inhaled in frustration.

"Well, it says «eggs»!"– she exclaimed, raising a hand in a frustrated gesture.

"You don't say?"– Kris mirrored it with both arms.

Toriel left them a notepad with a recipe, retiring to her room to grade her students' papers. Since she had already baked a pie with Susie once, she figured it wouldn't be too hard for them to make a pie by themselves. Apple pie is easy,– she said. Nothing complicated,– she said.

Maybe it wasn't complicated if you already know how to cook! But Kris' culinary experience ends on making atrocious sandwich combinations, and Susie knows jackshit about cooking in the actual kitchen. So they were stuck at the first step. At least they managed to get all the ingredients out.

"I'll ask mom,"– Kris said, pursing lips and going to the stairs.

"What?! No way!"

Perspective changed and Kris unexpectedly found themselves being hauled back and raised above the floor. They didn't fight it, crossing arms.

"She thinks we can do that! Then we can! Toriel trusts me and I'm not going to ask her for help five minutes after she left."– Susie urgently explains, taking this a bit too personal.– "It's just an apple pie! Let's… Find a recipe online then. I don't think it'd be too different, right? Put apples, then put eggs or whatever – boom! Pie."

Kris had no arguments to this. Mainly, because they had no idea what exactly pies are made of. Also because it was funnier that way. Susie placed them back on the ground and they googled an apple pie recipe.

"Five eggs. Yolks in one bowl, whites in the other."

"Got it,"– she said, cracking the egg and dropping gooey insides in the bowl.

They both stared at the yolk swimming in the whites. Susie sniffed. Kris scratched their stomach.

"And how do we take the yolk out?"

"No idea."

Susie pouted thoughtfully. Now that she got the haircut, her eyes were seen and Kris couldn't get enough of her expressions. She was so adorable!

"Can't I just..."– Susie mumbled, reaching right into the bowl and trying to scoop the egg yolk with her fingers.

"This is disgusting,"– she said, abandoning the idea with a scrunched face.

She shook her hand, swiping the whites that clung to her fingers against the counter. Kris opened one of the drawers, taking out a spoon. With Susie's cheering and some effort, they managed to fish out the yolk. Both teens raised arms in the air, hyping each other.

"Kris! You did it!"– Susie exclaimed but not too loud otherwise Toriel might come down.

"I did it,"– Kris mirrored with blank face, dramatically brushing their bangs in hero pose.

"Heck yeah! Four more eggs left."

Ten minutes later they were done with the eggs, very proud of themselves. Next steps turned out to be even easier – not because they knew how to do it, they still made a mess and the whisked mixture ended up on the ceiling in the process, but at least it didn't take them too long.

While Susie was distracted with mixing the flour in, Kris was assigned to arrange apples on the bottom of the baking form. Of course, they had degustated few slices first, raising one to Susie's mouth.

This task was easy. Maybe too easy,– Kris thought, munching another slice while staring at the filled out bottom of the form. This was an opportunity they couldn't miss...

As soon as Susie finished mixing, Kris snatched the bowl out of her hands and poured the mixture in the form.

"What the heck, Kris?"– Susie complained with no heat, watching them.– "Never saw you that eager to do something... Someone's hungry, heh?"

Oh yes. Very “hungry”. Kris nodded.

With pie in the oven, Susie exhaled in relief, playfully jabbing Kris' side.

"See?"– she said with a toothy smile.– "We can handle it by ourselves. No need to call for mommy."

Susie closed the distance between them, hugging their shoulders and dragging them towards the living room.

"Let's go watch some classics while we are at it!"

"There are no movies on my TV,"– Kris calmly argued with a small smile.

"I know! I still think it's your fault,"– Susie practically jumped on the couch, picking up her backpack.– "Which is why I got these babies! C'mon, put something on while we wait!"

She threw several DVD cases on the couch, proud and excited. Kris picked one up. It's a case, scratched in a few places, with an old picture from the movie "Forward in the past". Kris had watched that one already and, knowing Susie, she had too.

Nevertheless, Kris sat down in front of the TV, connecting an old disc driver to it. For the past week it had been used more than in the last five years before that. Screen goes black and the movie starts.

"Get back there, Kris!"– Susie commanded and Kris gladly obeyed, falling on the couch on the opposite end with legs over her lap.– "Pf... Weirdo."

She didn't push them off despite her words.

Kris smiled into the sleeve of their hoodie.

Something warm fluttered in their chest, as if trying to make Kris jump up and down. They supposed, this was the feeling people compare to butterflies in their stomach. It didn't really fit though. For Kris it felt like their soul got too used to smash itself against their ribs, over and over again. Usually it hurts. But now? Now it finally calmed down. Trying to repeat the same thing but with no strength at all, tickling Kris' insides instead of bruising them.

Kris had seen the movie already. They were pretty sure Susie did too. But so far it was one of the most interesting movies they have ever watched. Somehow, all movies they watch with Susie get into that category.

"Hey, Kris,"– Susie called out, her voice quiet and hoarse.– "Do you know why I like old movies?"

Kris didn't move, Susie didn't turn to look at them. She knew they were listening.

"When I was smaller... We had that rental shop nearby... I don't think you even have those in Hometown, right?"– she asked, not expecting an answer.– "I'd go there, stare at all the DVD cases... It was my dream to watch all of those movies one day. I… Thought it'd make me cooler, heh..."

Susie took a pause.

"I, uh... Stole some discs from there."

Kris didn't react. Susie inhaled.

"I noticed that people don't take old movies as often. So I thought... No one would mind if I take one or two and then return them,"– she stretched her arms, trying to seem casual.

Kris could see she was nervous.

"And then... Before we moved out again I snatched, uh... Few of them,"– Susie awkwardly chuckled.– "Haha. It was stupid, I know. I realised it only when I accidentally broke my cd driver... Don't think I can pay for them now. Even if I want to..."

When her voice went quiet, sounds from the movie filled the living room. Maybe this disc was one of those that Susie "snatched".

"Forget I said anything!"– Susie playfully pushed their legs.– "This is where the best part of the movie starts!..."

"I used to steal everything from Asriel."

"Eh?"– Susie looked at Kris with confusion, unconsciously pouting.

Kris shifted.

"He had so many cool clothes and toys and. Money. He was actually getting pocket money. Unlike me at the time,"– Kris mumbled into the sleeve.– "I wanted some of that. And I knew that he's too much of a. Golden boy to blame me or ask for his stuff back. Even this hoodie was his."

Susie blinked, staring at Kris like they were talking with Rouxls Kaard's voice again.

"For real???"

"Yeah,"– Kris easily admitted.– "I didn't like. Clothes mom and dad got me. They were too... Weird. Too light. But I didn't want to ask them to buy me new ones because of that. It felt. Embarrassing."

"I mean... Yeah, I get that,"– Susie hummed, shrugging.– "I don't like to ask mom for anything either."

"So I'd just take everything from Asriel. He didn't mind,"– Kris hid their face in the sleeve.– "And mom and dad... It felt easier for Asriel to ask about stuff. When I asked for anything they'd get. Jumpy. Unsure. It's probably because they were nervous about raising a human... But at the time I felt guilty. Guilty to ask for anything."

"You shouldn't!"– Susie tapped their hip, exclaiming.– "It's not your fault they didn't make sure that you can ask them for whatever you need!"

"Yeah,"– Kris easily agreed.– "Then. It's not your fault your mom didn't make sure to buy you those discs."

"Hey! Don't make it all sappy now!"

Kris would have smiled back at Susie's grateful grin but they were too busy hiding their face. It was frustrating how little control they have over blushing in comparison to control they have over their voice.

Whatever Susie was going to say next got interrupted by the ring of the oven alarm. Pie was ready.

"Hell yeah! Let's go, Kris!"– Susie shot up, running to the kitchen.– "Pie with a movie! I can smell it already!"

Oh right. Pie. Kris inhaled, hiding their face behind the bangs as they stood up, but for a different reason now.

When they got into the kitchen Susie was already wearing pink mittens with little white flowers on them.

"The recipe said it should stay in the oven for five more minutes,"– Kris told her before she reached inside.

Susie froze with a pout, puzzled and slightly annoyed.

"Pft... Whatever. I knew that,"– she said, now staring at the slightly opened door of the oven.

Kris joined.

Now they were staring together.

Three minutes later they heard steps.

"Kris? Susie? Is the pie ready? I heard the alarm,"– Toriel's warm voice came from the stairs and soon she joined them in the kitchen.– "Oh, it smells wonderful! Looks like you did everything right. I hope you don't mind if I try it a little."

"Of course not! You, uh... Can try as much as you want,"– Susie mumbled, flustered.

"Thank you, Susie,"– Toriel smiled, but looked at the counter.– "How did you make so much mess? You should've called for me if you had trouble."

"Uh, no! No trouble. We just are, uh, not used to using a mixer. That's all. Everything else went smoothly,"– Susie awkwardly laughed.

"It's alright. Let me clean it before we sit down though,"– Toriel light-heartedly sighed.– "You can pull out the pie while I'm at it."

Susie brightened.

"Yeah! Right!"– she excitedly reached with her mittens into the oven, carefully taking out the form.

Kris closed the oven after her, their face going pink from holding back. This was going better than they expected, with Toriel now here.

Susie flipped the form over the dish, moving it to the table. She looked so happy, grinning so wide that wrinkles appeared under her eyes.

"Can you imagine we did that, Kris? This is the best pie ever!"– Susie patted the form and reverently lifted it.– "Let's try it!"

Oh yes.

It was the best pie ever.

Kris could barely breathe at this point.

Susie set the form aside, looking at the pie. She blinked. Then looked at Kris. Then back at the pie. She produced one short-lived giggle then looked at Kris with a blank face.

"Kris..."

Kris barely held back a guffaw when Susie grabbed their collar, shaking them and furiously whispering right in their face.

"WHY OUR PIE HAS A DICK ON IT?"

"Did you say something?"– Toriel called out from behind, cleaning the counter.

"Ah!... No!... Just talking with Kris about how!... GREAT this pie is!"– she answered while Kris was convulsing in an attempt to not laugh out loud.

She dropped them down and Kris stumbled, holding on for the table as they bent over, shaking.

"She's going to see this, Kris!"– Susie whispered urgently, staring at the suspiciously arranged apple slices on the pie.– "Are you crazy?!"

"You forgot the cinnamon powder!"– Toriel said to them, putting down the washing cloth.– "It's even tastier with it!"

"Oh shit!..."

Susie did the only thing that came to her mind.

"Ah?... Susie?"– Toriel unsurely asked, smiling.– "Were you that hungry?"

Susie was chewing, her cheeks bulging. A chunk was missing in the middle of the pie. Unfortunately, it ruined the suspicious arrangement of the apple slices that Kris so meticulously made.

"Uh... No..."– Susie said with full mouth.– "It just looked so good!"

"Yes, I guess it does,"– Toriel warmly laughed then raised an eyebrow.– "What are you laughing at, Kris?"

Kris weakly shook their head.

Chapter Text

"Noob."

"Shut up!"– Susie pushed Kris away from the screen of the TV.– "If you needed a nerd for this, you should've called Berdly for a sleepover."

It was her fifth attempt to beat the game for an S rank. Initially it was one of the events Kris came up with – finish the game and proceed with the story. Everything was going as it should: Susie finished the first level, Kris congratulated her with a voice of Tenna – new character, that Susie seemed to be excited about – results rolled.

But then they accidentally blurted out:
"B rank. No secret room then, damn."

And even though it was said in a mumble, quietly, while Kris was sipping from their glass, Susie heard it.

Susie heard it and there was nothing that could've stopped her.

Three bags of chips and one scolding from Toriel later Susie was finally close to getting an S rank. At this point Kris stopped voicing other characters, just occasionally explaining how to gain more points in certain places. It was two in the morning, and Susie was powered by stubborn irritation more than anything.

Kris smiled to themselves. They already knew she'd get an S rank even if she wouldn't ace the mini game at the end, thanks to all the times they had spent in front of the TV with Asriel. This meant they had to prepare the "secret".

"Toilet,"– Kris shortly said, standing up.

"Don't drown,"– Susie replied, pressing the button unnecessarily hard to hit the enemy.– "Ha-ha! Get owned, loser!"

The door to the bathroom clicked behind them. The window was open, light night breeze coming through. Kris inhaled, their heart beating with a steady rhythm. Alright,– they thought. It's nothing to be nervous about. Just a game. Just Susie.

Long time ago, when Asriel was still there, when Asgore and Toriel were together, when Dess and Noelle would come over for a weekend, it was taken and hidden away. Toriel didn't like how much time Kris spent playing it over and over and over again.

She hid it in her room, on the top shelf, assuming that a kid would never even think to go there. It was correct for Asriel – he never got his annoying talking toy or squeaking sneakers back. But Kris was not a normal kid. They found it only a week later. After that it was securely hidden in the hole in the wall, under their bed, behind the part of a plinth that could be moved aside. Kris was very proud of this secret spot.

Now it was waiting for Kris to take it in the bathroom, right behind a pipe of the sink.

Their favourite game. "Mantle". The original one.

Kris had played it so many times, they could finish it with closed eyes now. It wasn't nearly as good or popular as the second game or its remake, which Susie was exploring at the moment. It barely had any content, really: disappearing background music, no unique mechanics, no clear storyline, lacking design choices, useless locations.

But Kris loves Original Mantle. It was the first game they had ever finished. It was the first game they got better at than Asriel – the only one, technically. Kris played it whenever they felt worried or irritated, plugging in the stolen power strip and hiding under the blanket with an old console.

Mantle was more than a game to Kris. It was a way to let out all the frustration, to let their traitorous soul something else to smash and rip apart other than their ribs, to silence thoughts that weren't welcome.

The thing about Mantle is that it's not just nerdy or weird or boring. Kris wouldn't care at all if it was.

Mantle was creepy.

It was insulting at best, created only a few years after the war had ended with the main human character killing monsters left and right. Not only that, but the lack of music in certain locations, reappearing messages for the player to "get stronger", weird puzzles, the ending scene... Original Mantle is known as a cursed game. A game for humans who hate monsters.

Kris doesn't hate monsters. Kris didn't even notice anything wrong with the game until they had become a teenager. But how can you explain it to those who already think you're a freak?

But Susie is different. Susie is special. Susie would understand. Surely. Maybe she'll get mad a bit or laugh at them. But she won't look away. She won't be scared. She wouldn't.

Kris exhaled, lying down on the cold floor of the bathroom. They had spent about ten minutes there already. Their heart was beating faster and faster with each passing second and Kris was scared it'll break out of its flesh cage sooner or later.

Kris raised the game to look at it. Scratched in a few places cartridge with an old picture to the "Mantle". It's not that bad, is it? It is not that creepy, right? Surely, Susie won't think so. Surely, she wouldn't assume wrong things. Right?

At this point it felt painful. This pointless anxiety even though Kris trusted Susie with their life. It was just a stupid game! Kris winced, getting hands under the hoodie to scratch themselves. Alright,– they thought. Stand up.

Stand up.

Stand up, please.

They would've given everything they have to rip their traitorous heart out. It was beating too fast. Too loudly. Too strongly.

It hurt.

Kris inhaled, practically throwing themselves off the ground. They leaned on the doorknob, falling out of the bathroom and urgently shuffling to the living room, pressing the game into their stomach so hard their fingers were white. Alright,– they thought. Now you explain it. Now you both play it. Now. It's the time.

They didn't realise Susie was standing up too.

"Shit, Kris, I give up! I'm not nerdy enough for this bullshit. I like Dragon Blazers, but this game is driving me nuts!"– she groaned, throwing the controller on the floor.– "Let's just continue the adventure, it's much more fun than that thing."

She huffed, passing Kris by.

"Im'ma go pee,"– Susie laughed on her way.– "You didn't stink the room, did you?"

Kris didn't answer. The door clicked behind them.

Kris shuffled to the TV screen. Results were rolling. Susie left before seeing them. She got an S rank.

They sat down on the floor, picking up the old controller and pressing "next". Results disappeared, replaced by the menu. Kris hid Mantle under the couch.

This was a stupid idea, really.

Don't ever think of speaking about this again.

Never.

Like whatever they said would've mattered.

Susie returned and Kris immediately spoke up, picking up the storyline where they left off.

"You enter the C room. You see two Zappers drinking by the watercooler,"– Kris said.

"Uh... I guess it can restore our health, yeah?"– Susie hummed thoughtfully, not sensing the trap.– "Let's drink, then."

"You try to drink from the watercooler,"– Kris gave a small smile.

Kris took an empty bag of chips and inflated it under Susie's confused gaze. They brought it to her face and hit it. It exploded.

"FUCK!"– Susie stumbled away from Kris, closing her mouth, worried that Toriel heard that.

"Watercooler attacks you. A strong aura emanates from the Watercooler,"– Kris mused.

Pillow from the couch, that Susie uses whenever she stays for a sleepover, smacked right into Kris' face with a soft "poff".

"Worth it."

"Shut up! Check this water thing already!"

"Useless analysis. You confirmed that the water is cool."

"I fricking hate you."

Kris chuckled.

"That was awesome, but... Kris, why the hell your outlet is British?"

Kris snickered. Of course this was the thing that bothered Susie. Not Ralsei calling himself "not real", not Kris subtly trauma dumping through the characters, not lore twists, not Toriel's involvement – though she refused to actually participate as an active player – not appearance of the mysterious Roaring Knight, not officer Undyne's impromptu cameo who agreed to play along after checking with Toriel at four in the morning.

The British power strip – definitely the most ridiculous part of their yesterday session.

Kris shrugged, still looking forward. Susie decided to talk with them in the middle of English. Fortunately, Alphys didn't hear and Jockington was too scared to snitch on her.

"Don't just shrug, idiot!"– Susie whispered, poking them in the back with a pencil.– "Why your outlet was British?"

Kris rolled their eyes, ripping a page out of their mostly empty notebook and writing down on it: "he's just british. why not? do u have something against british ppl, Suzy?" They passed it back and Susie's Christmas pencil – same one as theirs, because they both have Noelle as their supplier – was poking them shortly after.

"That's not an answer, jackass!"– she whispered, handing back the paper.

"it is. just not the one you like." With some thought, Kris wrote down: "why is it bothering you that much? what are you, hatsune miku? everything else is fine but british outlet?" And passed it back.

After a few seconds, Susie lightly kicked their chair.

"Shut up! I have a lot of questions, it's just the one I thought you could answer,"– she grumbled.

Kris hummed. It was to be expected. No one but them could understand the idea behind everything. Sometimes they created characters based on their personal experience, sometimes – on someone else's that they only heard about. They did base King on Susie's mystical father figure she rarely mentioned, but they would never admit that one. It seemed like a funny idea back then, but not now...

Everything else though? Kris scratched their neck, quietly turning behind and whispering:
"Write down all your questions."

Kris turned back, hearing pencil scratch against paper behind them. Small smile crept on their face. How would you describe that feeling? What do you feel when someone is interested so much about the thing you're weirdly passionate about? When they appreciate the hard work you put in something you love?

Kris was startled by the hard push in their back. They turned around, taking a paper fully filled to the brim with questions. The sight of them made them dizzy.

Kris immediately set to work, taking a new paper and scribbling down the answers to all Susie's questions – at least the ones they could answer without spoilering. They ignored Aplhys asking them a question. Berdly answered on it instead.

Kris sped up.

The bell rang and Susie's shadow immediately covered them. At the same moment Kris raised their head, lifting the paper up to her.

Susie grabbed both paper and Kris. With Kris over her shoulder she got out of the class, going outside. She would've gone to the closet, but with so many students wandering around someone might notice their secret place.

"Wait, really? Ralsei is based on Asriel?"– she asked, scandalised.

"He's a goat, duh."

"So what?! Like your family are the only goats on Earth!"– Susie huffed, grumbling.– "I can't believe a copy of your brother was my favourite character."

"Not a copy."

"Fursona or whatever! Who cares?"– Susie said, dropping them down on the grass below the tree.

Kris listened to her reaction to all the answers, internally thoughtful.

Was it weird that they felt bitter about a character who was based on their brother being Susie's favourite?

"I'm not going in there. Catti is here,"– Susie scrunched her face.– "And she hates my guts. I already told you that!"

Kris crossed arms over their chest, unimpressed. It was raining, lightly for now, but it'd definitely get worse. They weren't going to get inside leaving Susie to run to her house.

"I'm telling you, I'll be fine!"– Susie argued, raising arms in exasperation.– "It's just a rain!"

Loud thunder echoed over the town. Kris pursed lips, glaring at Susie. She awkwardly rubbed her arm, refusing to comply. They both were getting more and more wet and both of them knew that even if Kris would agree to leave her, Susie won't go home. She goes home only to sleep.

"Really, Kris. I'll be fine, get inside, I... I'll go to the library."

Kris shook their head. Library closes whenever it rains to not get moisture inside. Susie wouldn't know that.

"Okay. Not library. I can go to school!"– Susie offered, rain pouring harder.

Wet hair were clinging to their nose. Kris kept glaring and Susie understood they weren't satisfied with that either. She was out of ideas. Usually they'd just go to Kris' house, but Toriel was with that skeleton, Sans, again, and neither of them wanted to be present, even if Toriel promised not to drink.

Rain drops were hitting against the ground, the sound resembling a loud static. Kris looked up, thinking. They probably looked strange: standing right outside the diner under the heavy rain but not going inside. Susie lowered her head. Kris could feel her guilt.

It annoyed them. Why would she feel guilty when she hasn't done anything bad?

They huffed, grabbing Susie's hand just like she often grabs theirs and tugged her to the corner of the street.

"Kris? Where are we going?"– Susie asked, puzzled.

Kris carefully squeezed her hand. Not too hard, to not seem impolite.

Susie gave a short squeeze in response, falling silent. Their squelching steps and fake static of the rain were the only sounds between them. Kris guided them to the hospital.

"Kris, wait! This is a hospital!"– Susie exclaimed, realising where they're going.– "You can't just barge into the hospital just to hide from the rain!"

She let herself be dragged inside anyway. Maybe because Kris looked very irritated with her stubbornness already.

Monster Nurse – Toof, if Kris remembers the name on her badge right – glanced at them exactly once, before resuming reading the magazine she held. She knows Kris and had no need to be worried.

"Uh... Hi,"– Susie awkwardly mumbled to the nurse, receiving a wave in response.

Kris moved first. They smoothed their hair back, annoyed with soaked locks clinging to their eyes. Fortunately, they had a few hairbands on their wrist – Kris was shooting with them at Berdly today. As Kris put their hair in a low tail they offered a band to Susie.

Susie stared at them, still flustered and awkward for some reason.

"I don't need that,"– she mumbled, unconsciously pouting.

Kris raised an eyebrow – it was highly effective now that their face was openly visible. Susie puffed, turning her face away.

"I don't know how to make those tails anyway..."

Kris rolled their eyes and clicked their tongue. They shook themselves to get more dry, a few droplets falling on Susie.

"Hey! Stop that! What are you, a dog?"– Susie sheepishly whispered.

Kris pushed her to the couch, sitting down and preparing the hairband. At the tap on the back Susie turned to the side, even more puzzled. Kris ignored her squirming when they took her hair to make a tail. Her mane was huge and clearly not properly taken care of. Not that Kris had rights to scold her – they weren't much better, Toriel caring for their haircut more than they do.

With some effort they put Susie's hair into a low tail. Some locks still were clinging to her face, but it was better than nothing.

Kris leaned back on the couch, watching Susie awkwardly shift in place, frowning and checking her hair with careful hand.

"Hey, kid,"– Susie jerked, startled by Toof's voice.– "Since you're here. Want to play piano, maybe? I really enjoyed what you played last time."

Something light raised in Kris' chest. Since they became friends with Susie they played on piano more often – there and even at church, when hiding one of the shadow crystals here (with Father Alvin's permission, of course). It was... The same funny feeling they felt when Susie showed interest in their game. Weaker, but the same.

Kris stood up, not at all against the request.

"Kris?"– Susie whispered to their back, moving to the edge of the couch that was closer to the shortened hospital piano.– "You can play?"

Kris turned on the way, giving her a smug smile. Susie averted her eyes, flustered. She was so cute with a tail!

In a good mood, Kris stopped in front of the keys.

Sounds of piano filled the hospital hall, fake static of the rain silenced by the music.

I won't be home until six

15:37

Find something to eat, okay?

15:37

Kris looked up, putting the phone away. Susie's face was dark purple from the effort she put into opening the doors to the bunker. When they didn't budge even a little she exhaled and stumbled back, sitting on the ground, chest heaving.

"It's not fair..."– she mumbled.– "You really know how to get in there? I think you're lying just to seem cool..."

Kris nodded, watching her with mild amusement. Susie hadn't stopped trying to get inside the bunker by herself since they finished the last game session. The fact that Kris knows how to get in there teased her and pissed her off at the same time.

"You need to open the door, obviously,"– Kris hummed with a blank face.

"I'm going to punch you."

"That's rude. I'll tell Ralsei on you,"– Kris argued, sitting down by her side.

They both ignored the fact that Ralsei was just a character in their game and not a real person.

"And he'll be on my side!"– Susie blew a raspberry, falling on her back.– "Last time he really had fun playing with me. So he's definitely team Susie now."

Kris shrugged, small smile still on their face despite sudden bitterness on their tongue. That feeling again. Why did they feel it? Where did it come from? It couldn't be jealousy, could it? Ralsei was their character, Ralsei talked with their voice, Ralsei even had similar issues that Kris has! There was... Not that much of Asriel in him. Ralsei was based on their brother, not made to be him.

"You're doing that stupid face again,"– Susie noticed, pointing at Kris and getting their attention.

"What?"– they said, their voice more hoarse.

"I don't know! You have that face with- With m-m-m lips and thin as heck eyes!"– Susie demonstrated what «m-m-m» lips means by exaggeratedly pursing hers.– "All serious like you're planning to murder someone. I mean, I'll help if you're. Is it Sans? He IS annoying even if he's nice to Toriel..."

Kris frowned, staring at Susie. She was serious. She was actually asking if they're planning to murder their mom's boyfriend. And she was ready to help. Something bubbled in their chest, raising higher and higher as they continued their staring contest.

"So it is Sans, huh?"– Susie cracked first, asking with narrowed eyes.

And Kris laughed.

Quietly, but audibly, hiccuping when trying to gasp, with their shoulders shaking and eyes almost closing. They don't remember ever laughing like this. Not a guffaw because of a joke, not a taunting laughter when playing a videogame. Even those didn't come up often in past years, let alone this abomination of a chuckle.

"Why are you laughing?!?!"– Susie's face went dark purple as she sat up and pushed them.– "It's not Sans?! Is it Berdly then?!"

Kris laughed louder, starting to cackle. Lying on the ground, they sprawled their hands, enjoying the sun on their face.

"STOP LAUGHING, WEIRDO!!"– Susie exclaimed and slapped their knee, flushed.

Kris snorted, continuing laughing for the next minute. Susie waited for them to calm down with a face of utter betrayal, flushed dark purple, upper lip lifted to show teeth.

"What's so funny, dumbass?!"– she roared, pushing Kris' knee.

Laughter gradually faded, only fresh aftertaste left somewhere in the lungs. They tried to breathe deeply, closing eyes and waiting for giggles to go away. When the field around the bunker finally was silent, Kris opened their eyes, looking at the sky.

"Hey, Susie,"– they simply asked.– "Can I ask something stupid?"

"Huh?"– Susie's anger disappeared even if colour hadn't yet left her cheeks.

"It's very stupid,"– Kris clarified.

Susie glared at them. She sniffed and fell back on the grass by their side, where they couldn't see her face.

"Well... I can't be the only one to be stupid all the time,"– Susie replied.

"You're not stupid, Susie,"– Kris hummed with soft disapproval, unfamiliar lightness in their body.– "You're wonderful."

"Pft... Yeah..."– Susie mumbled somewhere nearby.– "So what's the question?"

Kris noticed a singular cloud swimming by on otherwise clean sky.

"Do you like Ralsei more than me?"– they asked, watching that cloud change its shape.

"The hell you're talking about?"– Susie grumbled in confused tone.– "You talk for Ralsei, he's like- He's literally you with different voice. There's no him, technically. Even no Lancer, though I like him a lot. It's literally just you, being a freak and!... Effortlessly talking with like- Twenty different voices."

"I see..."– Kris hummed, raising a hand and playing with shadow of the bunker that fell on chest.

"And that's it? All you wanted to ask?"– Susie waited for their nod.– "Wow, you didn't exaggerate. It was one damn stupid question."

Kris shrugged. They heard Susie turn on her side in their direction.

"Like, dude! Seriously! Why the fuck are you even asking this?!"– for some reason Susie sounded offended, even going as far as to drop an f-word she usually avoided despite her rude vocabulary.– "I doubt I like ANYONE more than you! You're like-... My favourite-est person ever!"

Kris involuntary laughed again, looking at her. Susie immediately shut up, huffing in exasperation with flushed face.

She glared at them and Kris felt even happier. Susie changed so many things in their life in a such short time. After a minute or so, Kris slowly reached up and booped her nose. Susie jerked back, rubbing her face.

"I love you too, Susie,"– they simply said, returning their gaze back to the lonely cloud.

It got reshaped and now two smaller clouds swam through an otherwise clean sky.

"DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT, FREAK!!!"– Susie pushed them with all her strength and Kris rolled over, hurrying to stand up and run from her.– "COME BACK, KRIS, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU INSTEAD OF SANS!"

Chapter Text

It was fluttering that Susie thought Kris came up with everything on-spot. Partly it was true – they were doing unbelievable mental gymnastics when talking with themselves or when characters were interacting with each other – but the main storyline was not something Kris improvised. Frankly speaking, most of the characters they were using had already been existing for years.

King was one of Kris' many unconventional toys in childhood, though back then he had a personality of Lancer. Seam was Asriel's favourite plush that he gave away to school at some point. Queen was an after product of Kris playing with Noelle's laptop when they were kids, closing and opening it as if it was talking. Tenna was Asriel's original character that he loved to use.

And, of course, the main storyline. The prophecy. The fountains.

All of that was a very quickly escalated "Lord of the Hammer" roleplay.

Kris would never willingly admit that. The thought was weirdly uncomfortable: imagining Susie laughing at them, teasing, taunting, getting disappointed that Kris wasn't as great at improvisation as she thought, being disgusted at their attempt to steal someone's ideas. It was almost as bad as the thought of Susie finding out about the Original Mantle.

To make sure Susie will never find the truth, Kris had a plan. It was a well-known fact that both Dragon Blazers and Lord of the Hammer are based on Deltarune, the prophecy on which monsters' religion is based. But Susie wasn't knowledgeable about monster culture, so if Kris told her that their game sessions were based on the actual prophecy and not fantasy book series, she'd probably believe that. At least, Kris was hoping she would.

Kris looked around for witnesses, opening the doors to the church and slipping inside into the dimly lit hall. It was quiet. The silence reminded them of ringing bells.

This is how the location for the next session was decided – church. Toriel had been trying to drag Susie to the service for weeks. No one would question it if they started playing instead of listening to the choir. That's what all bored teenagers do! Kris just had to come up with characters that would fill this dark world and that's it – another perfect and interesting game session.

Kris carefully opened the closet door, fishing the glass shard out of its depths and subconsciously mumbling an apology to the pumpkin.

The only problem is that... Well... Kris had no idea how to make it "perfect and interesting".

They weren't as religious as the rest of the Dreemurrs, but creating silly characters out of sacred books, out of instruments, out of candles that monsters lit for someone's health – it felt deeply wrong. Kris desperately tried to come up with funny darkners, the kind that Susie loved, but neither of those seemed important enough to become a new boss. At best, Kris could make a funny interaction out of Halloween decorations in the closet.

The only option left was to use the Roaring Knight, but Kris couldn't treat such a powerful enemy as the chapter's consistent villain. Roaring Knight was an enigma, a punch under guts, an unstoppable force of darkness, Chekhov's gun that had yet to shoot. Kris couldn't let the Knight just prance around like Tenna or Queen did! And yet, there were no object that could become an equivalent of Lancer to fill the empty space either.

Kris scrunched their face, wincing in irritation, scratching their stomach, pinching skin for a distraction. Kneeled, they uncertainly relocated the "shadow crystal" under the keyboard, right behind the pedal. They were contemplating making the keyboard a final boss, but this idea was wrong, so wrong, wrong and unfitting.

Keyboard was well used, it wasn't forgotten, it wasn't discarded and it wouldn't be in the near future. It made no sense to make a character out of it at all! Maybe an obstacle, but not a character!

Kris winced in painful annoyance, staring at the shiny glass shard. Maybe they didn't have to add a secret boss. Just fill the space with minor darkners, then hit Susie with Roaring Knight battle. Would that work? Would it?

Kris whined, wincing harder until their face muscles hurt. Why couldn't they do it? Why couldn't they come up with something?

It was a disaster. They can't make this game interesting. They can't make it perfect. Susie won't like it. Susie won't like it and she'll think it's stupid and she'll get mad that Kris ruined everything and Susie will stop talking to them and they'll be all alone again and Susie won't ever look at them again-

Steps.

Kris hauled themselves up, heart wildly fluttering in their ribcage. They sat down in front of the keyboard and rubbed their eyes to get rid of lingering wetness.

Steps became louder. Kris shakily exhaled, raising hands above the keys.

Door creaked and the warm light of the early evening came inside along with the shadow of Father Alvin.

"Kris,"– Father Alvin greeted, smiling with just corners of his mouth.– "Practicing again, I see."

He turned on the lights and Kris put their hands down on the knees.

"I'd appreciate you asking me first before sneaking inside,"– Father Alvin murmured, getting closer.– "But I understand your eagerness."

Kris wanted to puke their heart out. Their heart wanted to assist in that, slithering up their throat and scratching it from inside. There was no need to be worried. There was no need to be embarrassed. They weren't doing anything. Anything at all. They just dropped a glass shard under the piano. It's not bad. It's not bad to drop something. It's normal. They had to calm down.

They hadn't immediately noticed Father Alvin's patient silence. When they did, Kris inhaled, clasped hands together and licked their dried lips. It was enough.

"I understand. I'm sorry to interrupt you. It wasn't in my intentions,"– Father Alvin nodded and carefully sat down by Kris' side.– "You have a talent, Kris."

Kris nodded. Their heart returned to their chest, but it still felt painful to swallow. They raised their hands and played a small piece.

"Not only in playing on piano,"– Father Alvin added.

Kris stopped playing. They stared at the black and white lines, slowly processing Father Alvin's words, gliding finger tips against the smooth surface of the keys

"I heard from Toriel you made a friend. She seemed very happy,"– Father Alvin said.– "Is your friend the reason why you have been sneaking inside the church more often?"

Kris swallowed, slowly nodding. They pretend to play the hymn without pressing on the keys.

"Your talent reminds me of my father,"– Kris questioningly looked up, staring at Father Alvin's clasped hands.– "He put so much of himself into his books. Into everything he did and said. He wanted everyone to know they're the ones who make choices."

Kris pursed their lips. This wasn't at all about them.

"You might not notice it, Kris, but Angel granted you the same power it once gave to my father,"– Father Alvin calmly explained.– "I heard about Susie before. Mostly bad things."

Without thinking, Kris jerked their head to glare at him. Father Alvin offered a small smile.

"But recently your mother has been telling me about how you both spend time together. How you help her with home life, with school, with friends."

Kris huffed, looking away. They didn't do anything. Susie was the one to help them, not the other way around.

"You gave her a chance. You gave her a choice to decide who she wants to be and she chose the better option,"– Father Alvin continued, not noticing Kris scepticism.– "You have a talent to show people the way to be free, Kris."

This time Kris actually played the motif of the hymn, hoping Father Alvin would get this subtle request to stop talking.

"You're wonderful kids. Just as good as any other. I think my father would've loved to meet you both."

Wrong note. Kris swallowed and carried on, like there was no mistake.

"What I wanted to say, Kris, is,"– Father Alvin persisted.– "These doors are always open to you. Even if you just want to play for your friend."

The hymn ended. Kris didn't start it over. Father Alvin slowly raised from the seat and smiled down at Kris.

"I have to close now. Come to the service with Susie sometime,"– Father Alvin turned and left the room.

The silence reminded Kris of that one wrong note. It didn't sound bad, now that they thought of it. Kris played the hymn again but purposely pressed the wrong note. Maybe they could experiment with the melody next time.

Before standing up Kris reached under the keyboard and slipped the glass shard in their pocket.

They had an idea. They knew who'd fill the gaps of their story.

Kris was waiting for Father Alvin by the entrance, watching him close the doors. Before the man could say anything, Kris shortly asked:
"What was Gerson like?"

Susie growled, squeezing the game console so hard Kris could hear it creak. If this one was to become a darkner, it definitely would have a grudge against Susie. Or maybe they'd be a masochist. Kris had to consider the possibilities.

"I hate this stupid game..."– Susie muttered, obliterating a pixelated animal to dust with her own weird pet thing.

"Then don't play it."

"If I hate it, it doesn't mean I don't want to play it,"– Susie grumbled back.

Kris didn't answer, staring at the screen of the console over Susie's shoulder. Susie gallantly agreed to sit down on the ground, so they could watch her play while sitting on the bench.

"I think that's animal abuse."

"Shut up, it's not! If you don't like Pocketies, then it's your issue,"– Susie leaned back, pushing their knees with her back.

Kris didn't back away, instead leaning forward and perching their chin on Susie's head. It felt a bit weird. Usually Susie was the one to do this.

Noelle ran past them, stopping at the finish line where Alphys stood. She had been briefly glancing at them since PE started and Kris felt uncomfortable. They weren't sure why, or rather, they couldn't decide what exactly affected them more: that they were being seen in sportswear Toriel picked out or that Noelle completely ignored them when Susie was around. That was to be expected,– Kris bitterly thought. If they had to choose between themselves and Susie, they'd pick Susie too.

"Do you have to do this now?"

"Yes,"– Susie stubbornly mumbled, not looking up from the screen.– "It's the last class left and I have to get that gold bastard before it ends."

"You can just play at my house."

"I know I can!"– Susie bumped them with her back, irritated at the distraction.– "I don't want to. I want to watch that movie with you when we get home."

Scratching their stomach, Kris refrained from smiling. There was something magical in hearing Susie call their house a "home".

"M-m."

Minutes ticked by. Almost all of their classmates finished running. Kris was grateful that Alphys wasn't a strict teacher, otherwise they and Susie would've had big troubles for refusing to participate in any physical activities. Kris looped their arms around Susie's neck. Susie leaned back on their chest, aggressively pressing the attack button.

"You stink apples..."– Susie mumbled with a focused pout.

"You just stink."

Susie stupidly giggled.

"Hell yeah I do,"– she smiled, smug and her eyes narrowed.– "Feeling jealous? Boo-hoo."

There was no one better than Susie – Kris was sure of that.

"Um... Susie?"

Both of them looked up, startled by the new voice between them. Noelle smiled, laughing nervously. Kris immediately backed away, freeing Susie's shoulders from their weight.

"Yeah?!"– Susie perked up, almost scared at the prospect of unexpected social interaction.– "I mean... What do you need?"

"We are, um, going to play dodgeball,"– Noelle explained, fidgeting.– "But since there are seven of us, the teams wouldn't be even... Maybe you could play with us, please?"

"Huh? I..."– Susie unsurely frowned, staring at Noelle.

"Hahaha, I mean, only if you want to?!?!"– Noelle took one step back.

A few steps away other classmates were waiting for Susie's response. About three months ago they would've avoided the tall girl like a plague but since then she became a bit more friendly. Just a bit. She still loved to sprinkle some classic threats in her relationships.

Kris gently pushed Susie forward. This was enough for her to spring up to her feet which made Noelle squeak.

"Uh!... Alright!..."– Susie agreed with an awkward smile, ruffling her own hair.– "Just to make sure... Dodgeball is the one where you throw balls at each other, right?"

"Uhm... Yes. You have to hit monsters in the other team and avoid balls that they throw at you,"– Noelle explained, her cheeks dusted pink.

"Heh. Sounds easy,"– Susie smirked, putting down her console.

"Fahaha, well, for you it probably is,"– Noelle laughed, hands clasped behind her back.– "Now we have to choose who's on whose team. Berdly is the first captain and he-"

"I choose my darling Noelle as my second in command!"– Berdly butted in, grabbing Noelle by the shoulders.

"What? No, Berdly, wait-"

"Ha! Like that'd save you!"– Susie smirked, baring teeth.

The world shook and then turned upside-down. Kris blinked, finding themselves being held by their leg. They were pretty sure that if it was someone less flexible they would've ended up hurt.

"I choose Kris!"– Susie proudly exclaimed, because, of course, she did.

"Susie, Kris is not-"– Noelle's attempts to save the situation were fruitless.

"You think, just because they have high intelligence stat they also have high dex?"– Berdly mockingly guffawed.– "And here I thought you knew something about games, Susan!"

"Berdly, Susie, please, this is not-"

"The heck you mean, chicken nugget?!"– Susie roared, finally flipping and placing Kris down.– "All Kris' stats are high! All of them! Well, except for strength, maybe... But that's what I'm for! You're just jealous that Kris is cool unlike you!"

"Guys, please-"

"Ikh!..."– Berdly scrunched his face, scowling.– "Don't be ridiculous! What's there to be jealous of! Their messy style?! Their lack of effort?! Their association with someone like you?!"

Noelle gave up, hiding her face in palms.

"You'll see who's right, when me and Kris whoop all of your sad asses!"– Susie huffed, turning to smile brightly at Kris.– "Right, Kris?"

Kris blinked, inhaling. They bunched the fabric of their shirt in a fist.

"I'm not playing."

Seeing Susie's face drop in confusion was terrible. Kris pursed lips, considering agreeing to play just to put the goofy smile back on Susie's face where it rightfully belonged.

"Because we need an even number of players, Susie,"– Noelle exhaled in relief that the bickering had ended, awkwardly smiling.– "That's why we invited you, y'know, haha? If Kris joins then it'll become uneven again."

Susie's confused pout turned into a frown. She puffed, rolling eyes and relaxing her posture as if all the energy had left her.

"Ah... Then I don't care,"– Susie scratched her neck.– "Sorry, Noelle. Just kick someone out or something."

Kris could barely hear anything but the sound of their heartbeat when Susie tugged them back to the bench.

"Wha- Oh, yes. Yes, it's... Alright, Susie,"– Noelle mumbles, clearly disappointed.– "Let's go, Berdly."

"What? Got scared, Susan?"– Berdly smirked only to be pushed away with all the force of a reindeer monster.

"Let's go, Berdly!"– Noelle seethed through her teeth.

Kris watched them leave with an uncertain daze. Something was growing in their lungs. Or maybe it was their heart bursting?

"Sit down, idiot,"– Susie chuckled, pushing them down to sit on the bench.– "Why do I always have to tell you to sit down? Can't you do that on your own?"

Susie picked up her console – it wasn't hers, actually, it was Kris', but Susie could've taken everything from their house and they wouldn't say a word – and sat down on the ground in front of them.

Kris shut their eyes as hard as they could, their own voice bouncing in their head in tandem with the pulse. It wasn't fair, right? They didn't deserve this. Susie's attention. They really didn't. If they had to choose between them and Noelle, they'd choose Noelle. Everyone would choose Noelle. Everyone should. Right?

Susie leaned back against their chest and Kris automatically perched their chin on her head, looping arms around her neck.

"Don't... You want to play?"

"Nah,"– Susie sniffed, pouting.– "What's the point if you're not playing? Like I'd leave you to rot on the bench all alone."

Everyone else already moved to the field to play dodgeball. Catti was kicked out. By herself.

Kris buried their face in Susie's mane. Listening. To distant voices, to the wind. To the clicking of console buttons, to the creaking of its body. To Susie's breathing. To their own.

"Hey, Kris,"– Susie curiously asked.– "Are human hearts loud?"

"No."

Susie thoughtfully hummed.

"Well, yours kinda is."

"I know."

"I think it's cool."

Kris closed their eyes, listening to their heartbeat.

"Thanks."

Waking up never was easy for them. It was hard to pin down the problem: sudden lack of warmth, lingering heaviness in the chest, weakened limbs, memories of their weird dreams slipping through their fingers and melting in the air or the itchy eyes. Kris had no idea how Toriel not only manages to wake up on time without needing at least half an hour to convince herself to get out of bed, but also goes through a morning routine. Brushing teeth when you have to force yourself to simply walk is pure torture.

“Kris! Kris, wake up!”

Waking up was a bit easier when the first thing they saw was Susie’s excited face.

“Toriel made pancakes!”– Susie whispered, shaking their shoulder.

Kris narrowed eyes, trying to focus. Susie pulled back, already accustomed to their long process of getting out of bed. Kris remained still, only eyes languidly moving around, examining the surroundings, making sure it's the same house they had fallen asleep in. The lack of shadowguys worried them at first, but after a minute or so they remembered that Susie moved them to the closet in school. One of TV’s antennas was broken, held together by duct tape and gentle care of a lizard – Susie felt incredibly guilty when they accidentally broke it mid-play. She wanted to give it away to someone who needs it before Toriel threw it out.

“Shit…”– Susie grumbled, wincing as she brushed her mane.

Kris grumbled, blinking. They stared at her silly pajama pants with pictures of chemicals. Apparently, it was a free gift from the place her mother was working at before. It clearly was made for a younger audience, bright and colourful, but what kind of kid would want pants with chemicals is a mystery. This splash of colours contrasted with the black oversized shirt – and if it's oversized on Susie, Kris would probably drown in it – with a mask from “Wednesday the 13th” movie. This one Susie bought herself years ago, picking the biggest size they had. Wise decision, considering she still could wear it. Kris doubted they could pull this out – they had stopped growing after fourteen.

“Okay, shit, whatever. Kris,”– Kris looked up at Susie's face, meeting her gaze.– “Can you help me?”

Kris slowly processed her words. Susie became a darker shade of purple, pouting. The next thing they know is her brush hitting their shoulder.

“Don't want to, then just say so!”– Susie roared.

But they did want to help.

Kris threw themselves off the chair, falling on the floor and scrambling to sit back. While Susie was getting comfortable on the carpet, Kris found the brush she threw at them in the blanket and put it on their lap. Luckily, their heart didn't hurry out along with them, too groggy after sleep.

“But don't go easy, alright?”– Susie grumbled, her face hidden by her hair.– “You need to brush hard or it won't go at all.”

Kris nodded. They weren't sure to what exactly they nodded, but they did. Kris inhaled, blinking in confusion. It was too early to be in a sitting position for their comfort, dreamy silence still bouncing inside the skull, intercepting any coherent thoughts. Nevertheless, they dipped their fingers into the ocean of coarse black locks, carefully brushing from top to the bottom, searching out tangled parts to undo them.

There were no sounds, no objects, nothing at all but their hands gently working through the black locks. Kris was pretty sure Susie was talking. Something about mom having the same kind of hair and that Kris wasn't doing it right and that it'd take forever this way. Kris picked up the purple brush. Susie sighed and stopped talking, her head at their mercy.

A yawn slipped off their lips. Kris rubbed one eye, continuing to brush with the other.

“Kids! Pancakes will go cold if you take so long!”– someone's voice calls out.

“Damn, Kris, are you done yet?”– Susie grumbled, trying to turn her head.

Kris rummaged through their mind in search for a right answer. Something resurfaced out of the depths of old memories.

“Do you need a braid?”– Kris croaked out.

“I… Huh? What? No! Why would I need a stupid braid?”– Susie sharply turned around, staring at them.– “Jeez, your morning voice will never stop feeling weird...”

“Then a ponytail?”– Kris reached out for Susie's hair.

“No! No braids or tails!”– Susie rose to her feet, pushing them back in the chair on her way to the kitchen.– “If you don't come, then I'll eat all the pancakes myself!”

Kris rubbed their eyes again, inhaling to taste the smell of syrup and butterscotch. They pinched their own cheeks, squishing and patting them to jolt themselves awake. Susie's push helped with that a little bit. Finally, their mind was being filled with words and garbled sounds.

Today was the day they'll go to church with Susie. And since Father Alvin gave permission “to play”, Kris was set to use it.

It'll be their best game session ever.

Chapter Text

The choir was boring as usual. They had exactly one new song in their repertoire and that was it. Kris was tempted to agree to join the choir just to play Grieg in the middle of the service. That would've been so fun.

But nevermind all that. This was it. Service had ended, they and Susie drank free juice and now it was time to start the game. Kris could imagine Susie's surprise when they tell her the Dark World has opened right inside the church with all those monsters still inside.

"I'll be back,"– Kris mumbled.

Susie looked up from the bowl of juice, in the process of filling up her cup for the seventh time.

"Sure, dude,"– she smiled, showing a thumbs up before turning away to continue her quest of getting to the bottom of the bowl.

It was a hard challenge, but Kris was sure she'll handle it in a few minutes.

With Susie distracted, it was their chance to set everything up. Avoiding monsters in the hall, making sure not to bump at anyone, Kris sneaked outside. The sky was clear, not a single fluffy cloud to look at. There was something incredibly nice in the light breeze that ruffled their hair while Kris searched for the backpack in the bushes. Their body was unusually light – Kris figured it was a relief from finally finishing preparations for this session.

They picked up their backpack, re-checking everything inside for the eleventh time since they had filled it: crappy turtle plush with hanging clothes from an old gentleman doll, a bunch of drawings of the in-game prophecy, and the Roaring Knight action figure, of course – wasn't a "Roaring Knight", technically, just a skin for a character from Deathly Combat.

Kris put on the backpack and adjusted the uncomfortable collar of their church clothes. Most of the monsters started to pour out, but Kris went against the flow.

Spotting Susie's towering figure in Asriel's old clothes made their heart drum an excited rhythm. Kris ran up to her, opening their mouth to surprise her with the news that the Dark World was suddenly opened right there and now.

"Kris! Noelle invited us to her place!"– Susie turned to grin down at them.– "To work on that project thing."

Kris' heart dropped. Their bones buzzed, spreading pain through the whole body.

"I- Huh- No, Susie, I-..."– Noelle nervously laughed, sighing and giving them a smile.– "Sure. Kris can come over too."

Drumming became stronger in the left part of their chest. It was uneven, making only their left shoulder numb and Kris barely held back from reaching up to try and move the traitorous heart to the center.

Kris inhaled to answer, but words wouldn't come out.

They nodded instead.

Susie cracked a wide smile, hitting them on the back. Noelle gave them a weird look.

Breathe. They had to breathe. I can do that,– they reassured themselves.

There was a mole on their wrist. It was tiny. Was it always there?

Something was deeply wrong and yet no one else seemed to notice it. The static in the air, the drum of the heart, the rattling of all two hundred and six bones, the burn of the skin from blinding lights.

Focus. Stay calm. Don't cry. Don't yell. They had to be happy.

There was a little fresh scratch on their finger. From the bushes, most likely. Kris pressed on it, faintly feeling the sting through the numbness.

Noelle seemed happy. Susie seemed happy too, even if a bit awkward in this big house. Why couldn't they be happy too? That's what they were wishing for, right? For Noelle to get along with Susie so they can spend time together. Laughing. Playing. Studying. Why did they feel left out when this was everything they had ever wanted?

Stop thinking about it,– they begged themselves. Just stop it.

Lines, scars, moles and veins on their hands blended into pale mush. Their limbs looked plastic. Maybe they were. They pinched themselves. Still soft. So not plastic. They pinched again, just to be sure. Still human skin.

Looking around didn't help. Everything reminded them of the past. Of the time when they were more normal. Of the time when it was their second home. So they stared down at their hands, glaring holes in them. Subtly tensing one finger after the other.

Breathe,– they whispered in their mind. They can do this right at least, can they?

Kris pursed their lips. Noelle's phone rang. They couldn't understand what they were talking about. With whom.

Why couldn't they enjoy this? Were they frustrated that they didn't get to start the game session? Were they mad at Noelle for not inviting them initially? Were they uncomfortable sitting in this house, in this living room, on this couch, with two people outside of their family that they respected the most? Were they upset that neither of them had been paying their stressed silence any mind?

Kris wondered if they would react if they took out their knife and stabbed their hand, pinning it to the table.

The moment their brain processed this thought they snapped out, feeling guilty. So incredibly guilty. It's not about them right now. It's about Noelle and Susie. Disgusting,– Kris thought, squeezing their teeth until they were aching.

Kris automatically ducked, seeing something fly past their head. It was Noelle's phone, thrown away by Susie. They weren't sure why, not entirely listening to whatever they had been talking about. Both girls lost it out of sight, searching for it under the couch.

What was happening? They were searching for the phone, right. They knew what was happening – but at the same time it felt like Kris was hundreds of miles away from this place. Maybe they were still at the church. Sitting there with the backpack and waiting for Susie to come play with them.

Someone's heavy hand gently grabbed their shoulder.

Kris looked up, the fog disappearing to reveal Susie's uncertain face.

Her lips moved. Kris listened. They didn't get it immediately. Maybe it was their heart's fault. It was running so fast, no wonder they couldn't catch their own thoughts.

"Kris, I'll keep her busy. Maybe go get some water?"

Water,– Kris repeated to themselves. Susie looked slightly worried. Just a little. Uncertain and awkward.

When Susie stopped talking it became
Quiet.

She is worried about me,– Kris thought in the eerie silence, unable to decide whether to smile or to puke.

Settling on the third option, Kris stood up from the couch and stumbled to the bathroom on the second floor. Door didn't creak or groan, opening and closing without so much as a whisper. The legs were carrying them to the sink on their own. They heavily leaned on it, pressing cheek to the cool marble.

Fingers, overly warm and sticky, sneaked under the sweater, wiping the sweat off on their sides.

Kris looked up in the mirror.

"You're making a scene."

They told themselves, frowning.

"Aren't you tired of being so dramatic?"

Their voice didn't feel like theirs.

"You're pathetic."

Their reflection didn't belong to them either, did it? Kris in the mirror didn't have a heart and brain that betrayed them.

Kris wanted to say more, but words wouldn't come out. They got stuck, stubbornly refusing to leave their mouth.

Reflection raised their fist and swung it, face distorted in a scowl.

The thunderous ringing of shuttered glass didn't follow.

For the better or worse, the reflection scared the real Kris and they stumbled away from the mirror, running out of the bathroom, making a sharp turn and dragging themselves into the dark dusty room. Dim light from the star stickers covering the ceiling and the walls guided them towards the huge closet. Kris collapsed on the floor inside of it, face down into the pile of red heart-shaped pillows.

They felt compelled to add their own – fleshy and bloody and still beating – to the pile. But they couldn't. They couldn't get past their ribs and lungs to find what Toriel would call their soul and rip it out. They couldn't make their own pulse stop. They couldn't fight the emotions and thoughts that plagued their body. They couldn't be more than they already are.

And what they are is disgusting to look at.

Something fell down from the depths of the closet, disturbed by the unexpected guest. It made a soft thump and became one with the old snickers and ice skates.

Kris curled into a ball, scratching their stomach until the skin was red and hot with slow and methodic movements. That final conclusion they decided on strangerly seemed to calm them down. If they already are a mess, there is no point in worrying about becoming worse.

Seconds ticked by. Time was torturously slow. Kris inhaled and shifted, turning on the other side.

Soft thump. And then the sound of something heavy falling accompanied by a ringing of random notes. The guitar outside of the closet fell.

"Did you hear that?"– Noelle's muffled voice came from far away.

"I think it came from the second floor?..."– came Susie's thoughtful response.– "Probably just Kris."

"But I think it came from... Well..."

"Oh shit, you think it's a rat?"– Kris could imagine Susie pouting as she determinedly stomped upstairs, grumbling.– "You always have to get rid of rats as soon as possible, dude, or they'll eat a hole in your food, y'know."

"Hah? Oh yes! Uhm, sure!"– sounded like Noelle hurried after her.

Kris jolted upright, scattering to pick up the guitar and smash the closet door closed. They listened to the steps coming closer, pressing their back against the shelves, not daring to breathe.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..."– Kris chanted, fear tumbling off their tongue like a prayer to the Angel.

"The noise definitely came from this room..."– the door to this room did actually cream.– "See anything?"

"N-no... Susie, I don't think we should be there... It probably was just Kris,"– Noelle sighed, chuckling.– "They used to scare me like this all the time. Make random noises and then run away, like they weren't even here to begin with."

Before time seemed to be slow. Now it wasn't going at all. Kris counted a minute in each single second.

"I guess that does sound like Kris,"– Susie hummed, but then added with a shy pout in their voice.– "But they're... Not that bad to just rummage around your house for shit and giggles."

Noelle snorted.

"That's... Exactly what Kris would do, I think,"– Noelle gently argued.

Soft steps. Moving somewhere right. Heavy stomps hesitantly following.

"Weren't you both friends before? Do you, uh... Not like Kris or something? "

Kris heard Noelle answer "yes" in the darkness of the closet in their own voice.

"No, no! I mean, yes, we were neighbours, but... That's not it..."– Noelle hummed sighing.– "It's just... I guess they're different from how I remember them. They used to... Smugly smile or growl, run around the whole place, eat worms and stuff, fahaha..."

Susie quietly giggled. Kris felt bitter, clutching the guitar in sweaty hands. Could their heartbeat make strings tremble strong enough to produce a sound?

"They weren't talkative back then either,"– Noelle murmured.– "Saying just a few words a day. Now I hear them all the time when you both talk. Still not as much as others speak, but it's... Kind of weird. I even heard them snort of all things. A-and their voice had changed too."

"Oh, yeah! Kris is fantastic at making all those voices!"– Susie's excitement seemed out of place as she perked up at the topic she could support.– "I had seen people voice act on videos and TV, but, like, Kris is on whole another level. And they do it just like that, without preparation! That's so cool, like... If I tried to just raise my voice I'd choke and suffocate or something."

Kris shifted, sniffing as quietly as they could. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair that they felt so overwhelmingly happy and so overwhelmingly hurt at the same moment.

"And this is weird! I mean, I know Kris likes that kind of games. Asriel always did too, but... There's no way they'd be so serious about it!"

"Well, they are! And they are damn great at this. Like, they prepare all those toys and little items and draw stuff so I understand how they look and, uh, if I don't understand something they actually explain it in a way that I don't feel dumb. You literally played with us in the library!"

"I'm sorry, Susie, it doesn't make sense to me, no matter how much you explain it. Maybe they'd do something like this once in a lifetime, like they did in the library, but doing something... Something this serious for so long? It's not Kris that I know."

Kris opened their mouth to breathe. Their nose got clogged.

"Then it's Kris that I know. They, uh, they... You know, they have that backpack with all the stuff for playing! You saw it, right? It has Starwalker on it."

"You... Oh, you mean the backpack with a star sticker?"

"Yeah, yeah! That's it. Why would they carry a hecking second backpack to school if they weren't serious about stuff? It's a special backpack with all their super smart things."

"I mean, it's not like they don't use it for anything else, right?... I'm pretty sure they had it in the church today too."

"They did?... Grah! It doesn't matter! You still haven't answered if you don't like Kris or not!"

"I don't! I mean, I do- I do like them!... I guess?... I... I did like them before. When we were neighbours and all... But they're... They don't seem like Kris to me right now... With all the talking and moving and touching and-"– Noelle ranted.

Kris licked their lips, eyes burning in shame and frustration.

"I'm just not sure I can be friends with them now as we were before, if it makes sense,"– Noelle muttered.

Instead they heard her say she hates them. They inhaled, trying to get some air in the drowning lungs. Shelves creaked. And coming from the depths of the closet something fell on Kris.

Guitar cried out. Noelle screeched along with it.

Kris felt dizzy, wiping their cheeks as fast as one could while bawling their eyes out.

"It's alright! It's alright! I'll get it!"

Heavy stomps came closer. Kris dropped down on the floor, attempting to hide themselves in the sleeves, burying fingers in the hair.

Dim light of the star sticker fell on them. Susie's imposing figure cast a dark shadow down on them.

"Kris? What the hell are you doing in there?!"– she aggressively whispered, barely loud enough for Kris to hear.

Against all their instincts, Kris looked up. Susie's shoulders dropped. She frowned. Then winced and slowly – so slowly Kris managed to trace all the lines on her palms – slowly grabbed the guitar out of their hold.

"Stay here, I'll get her out,"– she murmured and closed the door.

Kris heard them talk, heard them standing up and leaving the room, heard them going downstairs, but they couldn't care less, too busy bunching the fabric of their sweater around the place where their heart tried to break free, choking on unexplainable relief and soundless sobs they had been holding back.

It was going to rain again,– Kris absent-mindedly noticed, staring at the dark clouds churning above. The idea of getting soaked didn't sound too bad at the moment. If Angel is real, it's a total jackass, because why would it want Kris' guts wrenched from one of the worst breakdowns they ever had on a day that was supposed to be one of the best ones? Crying has no rights to be so physically painful when it's already so mentally tasking.

"So, uh... I guess we should go to the church now?"– Susie asked, sniffing and awkwardly scratching her neck.– "To meet your mom and all."

Kris shrugged.

"She probably went home already,"– they weakly mumbled, the first raindrop falling on their cheekbone.– "They cancel choir when it's raining."

"M-m,"– Susie hummed in acknowledgement.

Another raindrop fell on their upper lip. Kris couldn't imagine doing anything else but curling under their blanket and sleeping through the rest of the evening. They made a step towards their house, to the left from the gates of Holidays' house.

Familiar heavy hand dropped on their shoulders.

"Wait, damnit!"– and the familiar voice sounded nervous.

Kris frowned, turning around to stare at Susie. She wasn't pouting – unconsciously pressing lips together like she always did whenever she felt troubled. She stared back. With softly narrowed eyes, twitching nose and lips in a thin line.

"Are you okay-"

"Can we go play whatever you planned in the church?"– Susie blurted out on the exhale.

More raindrops fell on their face. There was that feeling again, bubbling in their chest. It was warm.

"Okay, I'm... Listen, dude, I'm not good at this, so just let me- Try this, okay?"– she waited until they nodded, taking a deep breath before staring down at her shoes.– "First of all, I... You know, you're like the best person in my life. There's... There's no one else who I like as much as I like your weird ass. Not that you're an ass- You're great, as I said, you're an ass in a nice way-"

Kris chuckled.

"I got it."

Susie flushed deeper purple, frowning.

"Yeah... So, and..."– Susie sighed, scratching her neck again even though there was probably nothing left to scratch.– "I also, uh, appreciate all the stuff you do for me. Y'know... All of it."

Kris tilted their head. As far as they were concerned they only lent her their stuff sometimes and hung out together. But they didn't interrupt.

"And I'm not the best at thank yous and all that mushy bullshit. But I... Am really thankful to you,"– Susie mumbled, lowering her arms.– "And our games, they're special to me, y'know. Noelle's is my friend, but you're more than just that. If..."

She suddenly snapped, snarling and aggressively gesturing to prove her point.

"If I knew we were going to play today I would've, like, stayed with you even if we were going to be nuked!"– Susie waved her hands, completely ignoring the rain that had started.

Kris snorted, letting the bubbling feeling out of their chest as they quietly laughed.

Susie happily smiled back, her eyes wrinkling in relief Kris could sympathise with.

"Really? Even if nuked?"– Kris asked, raising an eyebrow as they stepped towards the direction of the church instead.

Rain poured, small puddles forming on the road. Kris didn't mind stepping in them, surprisingly, it wasn't that cold. Susie excitedly joined their side, practically jumping in every single puddle, splashing water on both of them.

"Yeah! Are you doubting me, Kris?!"– Susie roared in their ear.

"Okay,"– Kris grinned.– "What about my mom? What if she tells you to stop?"

Susie tripped, almost kissing the concrete. Kris snorted, hiding their smirk in the palm of their hand. Susie flushed.

"What are you laughing at?! Your mom can be scary!"– Susie huffed.

"Touché,"– Kris easily agreed.

"But,"– Susie grumbled, pouting.– "Even if your mom told me to stop, I'd stay."

Kris grinned, showing teeth, and ran forward, howling up to the cloudy sky.

"Kris, what the heck?! Wait for me!"– Susie hurried after them, giggling.

Chapter Text

Kris didn't have a lot of people they deemed close. They love Toriel, but she became more distant in the past few years. They like Noelle, but she seemed to struggle being friends again after all those years. They like Asgore, but his attempts to use Kris to get back to Toriel hurt them more than they allowed themselves to admit.

So it all came down to two people.

Asriel, their older brother. One who endured Kris' character braver than any adult. One who allowed Kris to steal from himself, understanding how hard it was for them to ask. One who stayed up late when Kris couldn't fall asleep. Asriel was The One. For many things. Kris felt the most safe when wearing Asriel's old sweater or hoodie. Not because Asriel was strong – in all honesty, their brother was a nerd more than they are, unable to do even one push up without turning into a burning tomato – but because Asriel was the best person they could ever imagine themselves to be.

For some time Asriel was the only truly close person for Kris.

Then Susie threatened her way into their life and Kris doesn't think they could be more grateful.

Someone can get confused. How could Susie become even more important to them than their mom or dad or brother? Susie is not exactly an angel to love her that much. And while Kris tries to respect everyone's opinion, for this specific one they would've bitten the person who dared to say such atrocious thoughts out loud.

Susie was... Susie. In the best way possible. They loved how kind Susie was while pretending to be tough and uncaring. They loved how shamelessly herself Susie was, laughing thunderously in the busiest of places. They loved how brave Susie was, trying to learn something new whenever the opportunity showed itself, even if it meant looking silly and clumsy. Kris could fill the list of things they love about Susie and this list would be long enough to turn Berdly into a mummy.

They would never say that out loud though. Not because it was embarrassing, but because when they thought about doing this – ripping their heart out to Susie so she could understand how much their friendship meant for them – it sounded weird. In a disgusting way. And the last thing they wanted was for Susie to think they're a creep.

Nevertheless, bringing two of their most favourite monsters together to hang out was a dream come true.

And it did come true.

For the past few years Kris' favourite holiday of all was Halloween. Being able to wear whatever you want without monsters batting an eye, being able to blend in and be one of many. It was perfect.

Then the Festival happened and Kris became just a little bit biased.

Technically, Autumn Festival wasn't a holiday, but they were ready to start a propaganda campaign in the Hometown.

First they had fun with Susie and other classmates. Of course, being around Noelle made them feel on edge – like she'd ask Susie out any second and they both would leave Kris behind. But, for some mysterious reason, Noelle was actually giving them as much attention as to Susie. Not that she suddenly became extremely nice, more like that she lost interest in the other girl, making her finally notice Kris.

Kris couldn't complain. Playing games, joking, making fun of Berdly, talking about meaningless things. All this felt so... Normal.

This wasn't their first Festival, but the last time it brought them any actual joy was when they were ten. Feeling excited, being happy, having any strong emotions after winning in a shooting range felt strange. Wrong, almost. Kris was expecting for this to end in a horrific nightmare or a painful breakdown.

Instead their day was getting better and better.

Asriel came. He appeared after midday, with that goofy innocent smile, nerdy dark green sweater, a backpack and a suitcase, and – which was hilarious in Kris' humble opinion – dyed hair. Asriel was blond. He explained it as an attempt to see what he would look like if he got Asgore's genes. Kris knew better. He definitely wanted to make the rare puff on his chin look like a beard.

Using the "I missed you" card, Kris dragged Asriel around, making their brother suffer through the socialisation with all Hometown folk who missed him. Susie was particularly excited to meet him – might be Kris' fault, with most of their life stories involving one certain fluffy monster. They even managed to drag Asriel into a short impromptu game session – with Asriel shamelessly trying to justify his god-like character with background lore that no one else cared about and bringing rules every seventh minute, even though their game did not have any rules beyond simple respect.

Now,– Kris thought, when they all returned home. This is when everything gets worse.

Surprisingly, it didn't. Kris expected anything, but a good outcome: Asriel was constantly getting distracted by Toriel and Asgore, Sand and his brother (who Kris liked more despite not remembering his name) came over, the adults decided it's a great idea to get drinks. The situation was begging to be disastrous.

"Dude, Asriel is such a loser,"– Susie quietly whispered in their ear, while Asgore was bragging to Sans that His Son has not a single bad grade.– "Imagine actually working hard for stupid grades. Who needs them anyway? It's useless."

The situation's begging was an empty sound to Susie. Whenever Asriel was becoming the centre of attention, whenever adults bickered, whenever Toriel was blabbering too much for their comfort – Susie was here, smiling, shaking them, always, every single time making sure that they're not alone.

"He gets a scholarship for that,"– Kris whispered back, leaning down from their place on the armrest of the living room chair.

Susie was a puzzle piece Kris never knew they lacked. A piece that finally made the picture clear. Not finished, but clear.

"Uh huh..."– Susie pouted and narrowed eyes in thought.– "I don't think you're talking about an actual ship, so it sounds lame."

Kris snickered.

"Scholarship is when you don't need to pay for studying,"– they explained, humming.– "It's a big thing for us. Considering we don't have a big budget."

"O-o-oh,"– Susie scratched her cheek.– "That's neat, I guess. Don't really care though. As soon as I'm out of school I'll get a job and then rent my own place."

Kris smiled.

"We can rent one apartment together,"– Kris offered, as they thought.– "Would be cheaper."

"Oh!... Heck yeah!"– Susie replied, her fingers digging into the fabric of their pajama shirt.– "You're a genius, Kris! We can, like, totally make it themed like our bedrooms in the Dark World. It'll be awesome. Definitely will grow some moss in the corner."

"We have to get a custom Ralsei plush."

"We can do that?"

"I think so. We just need to explain how he looks."

"Then we can just show your drawings! They're, like, awesome. I love your Ralsei pictures."

"Have you, guys, tried the pie yet?"– new voice butted in.

Both Kris and Susie looked away from each other, noticing Asriel. He smiled, leaning on the chair at Kris' side, plate with a piece of snail pie in his hand.

"No,"– Kris scrunched their face.

"Ugh,"– Susie groaned in unison.– "This thing is hecking disgusting. The taste is fine, but when you chew it, you can feel those damn snail bodies on your teeth."

"Blegh,"– Kris nodded in solidarity, carefully pushing the plate away from them as far as possible.

Personally, they didn't like the taste either. Or smell. Or how it looks. Frankly speaking, the whole concept of eating snails is unappetising.

"Alright, alright,"– Asriel moved the plate away from Kris, chuckling.– "You don't know what you're missing out on."

"Hell no I know,"– Susie grumbled, pouting.– "Toriel made that once for me. Never thought I'd dislike food, but this is icky even for me."

"Okay, I got it. No snails,"– Asriel said, before Susie could start describing how exactly the pie tastes in her opinion.– "Kris. Can we talk for a minute? I have some news."

"Did you get laid?"– Kris asked with a smug smirk.– "Mom told you to be careful in uni."

Susie giggled, stifling the sound by pressing her lips together.

Asriel rolled his eyes.

"Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you about it. It's weird,"– he tapped Kris' shoulder, making a step towards the kitchen.– "Let's go upstairs, Krispy."

Kris hopped off the armrest, waving Susie as she reclined back and put her legs over where they sat. They blew her a raspberry before hurrying after Asriel, skillfully avoiding Sans' brother's lanky figure.

Asriel left the plate on the table as he passed the kitchen and went upstairs, melting in the dimly lit hallway. Kris unconsciously made a breath-in, setting their foot down on the first step, imagining that they were entering a Dark World.

"Susie swears a lot, doesn't she?"– Asriel chuckled, stopping near the drawer and leaning on it.

"M..."– Kris considered his word, tilting their head at out-of-pocket question.– "I guess."

Susie did pepper her speech with light curses, but she rarely used any serious swears. But they could see why Asriel got the wrong impression.

"She does,"– Asriel awkwardly laughed, massaging his neck.– "It's a bit weird to see you being so friendly with her."

Kris didn't reply. They pursed lips, examining Asriel's new dark green sweater with four yellow stripes. They could hear Toriel laughing from a distance – probably at Sans' jokes.

"Sorry. Didn't mean anything by this,"– Asriel cleared his throat.– "It's just... Weird? How did you even become friends?"

"We got stuck in the school closet,"– Kris mumbled, shuffling to the drawer and tracing its edge.– "I made her play. In our game."

"Uh... Dangers in Dungeons?"

Kris' lip corner twitched. Their game was entirely different from that rule-strict boardgame Asriel started to prefer in recent years. But they didn't comment on it. Asriel knew it was different, surely. He just didn't want to admit it, embarrassed of how they used to play in it in their childhood.

"Okay. Roleplay. This is nice. Not something I'd expect from her, but she seemed to enjoy it back at the Festival,"– Asriel acknowledged, gesturing as he tried to form his thoughts into words.– "But... Isn't... What else do you do?"

This made Kris frown and give Asriel a glare. Of course,– they thought. The situation was begging for trouble. Kris wasn't as good at ignoring it as Susie.

"Mom said you're skipping school,"– Asriel added before they could answer.

Kris did. Several times. But at the same time they never had a more consistent grade curve – only Bs and As. They were even regularly doing homework. Not everyday, but regularly, which was incredible considering sometimes they wouldn't do anything for months, instead rotting in their bed, seeing mush of numbers, letters and scribbles in the notebooks whenever they bothered to open them.

"And that you often stay up past midnight,"– Asriel supplied, huffing with an awkward smile.

Kris did. Everyday. For many, many, many, many years. But before, they wouldn't dare to move, lying as still as possible, mimicking Asriel's peaceful breathing, listening to the beating of their heart and staring at the back of their eyelids until dawn came: going insane in the rigid cage of their body.

"And you missed my call last Sunday,"– Asriel murmured softly, frowning and looking down at Kris.

Kris did. And they apologised for that. Multiple times. They got too distracted while teaching Susie how to solve a Rubik's Cube. They figured, since Asriel had missed a few of their calls himself to hang out with his roommates, then he wouldn't mind Kris doing exactly the same thing for the first time in their life.

"I just..."– Asriel sighed, his face wistful and guilty.– "I feel bad about this. Like it's my fault I left you here. Left you behind, all alone... And that you had no choice but to find company in a bad place."

It was so quiet in the hallway. They didn't even hear the irritating quickened heartbeat that notifies them of impending breakdown. Maybe, because they felt numb more than upset this time.

"Bad place?"– Kris asked in a way that made it sound like a statement.

Asriel shakily exhaled, massaging his neck.

"Yeah, it's..."– he gave one of those nervous smiles.

He spent a minute, just frowning with focused expression.

"It's not good when kids like you gather in one group, you know?"– he finally muttered.

The silence seemed to stretch forever.

"Kids like me."

"Not in a bad way, of course,"– Asriel hastily replied, awkwardly laughing.– "Troublemakers. You are a troublemaker. And it's... Not a bad thing by itself. But you have to balance it."

Kids like you.

"For example, I'm a good kid. I always was. Boring, shy, too forgiving, scared of everything,"– Asriel mumbled, clasping hands together.– "Back then I had Dess to balance me. She was making me live a little and I was helping her to not cross the line."

Kids like  you

"Now... Now I have my roommates,"– Asriel chuckled, tilting head.– "We all add something to the table, making sure it doesn't tip on one side."

Kids like  You

"And it always was the- The- The dynamic we had,"– Asriel stuttered.– "You are a troublemaker. I'm a good kid. We complete each other. But... But if both of you are troublemakers, surely, it won't lead to anything nice, right?"

Kris rubbed their face, checking if they were still inside their body. How funny,– a single line languidly passed in their head.

"I- Okay, Kris, forget what I said. I'm... Not good at this anyway, haha,"– Asriel gently nudged Kris' shoulder.– "This wasn't what I wanted to talk with you about."

They raised an eyebrow, watching Asriel take out his phone to fidget with it.

"I'm planning to move out from the dorms soon,"– Asriel cut straight to the point.– "You already know my roommates – we are splitting the cost between us and our fourth friend. And I, uh, asked if they would mind that you'd live with me. And they said yes!"

Kris chuckled in disbelief.

"What?"– they asked.

Moving out of Hometown along with Asriel was a dream. A dream they didn't hope to see coming true. A dream they long gave up on.

"You'd live with me in one room, just like we're used to,"– Asriel smiled, finally restoring that soft happy look he wore most of the time.– "At first you can just stay over for vacations, but after you're done with school, you can move in! There's a place where you can rent a recording room and a studio nearby, too. I was thinking you can try and... start playing on piano for a living."

"You're joking,"– Kris huffed in disbelief.

"Not at all!"– Asriel smiled a bit wider and pounced at Kris, dragging them into a hug.– "I know the last couple of years have been hard for you. And I'm sorry... I should've not left you behind like this, in this... Boring place."

The heartbeat returned. It was echoing through Asriel's body and returning to Kris. They slowly raised their arms, reciprocating the hug by digging fingers in their brother's clothes, as usual.

"It'll be back to normal, Kris,"– Asriel mumbled.– "I'll make sure you are happy just as I am."

Even if his sweater was new, it still smelled familiar. It smelled like all the clothes he passed down. Like their shared bedroom. Like their house.

It smelled like Asriel.

"Do all parties end like this?"– Susie asked, unimpressed.

Adults got drunk. Because of course they did. Toriel passed out in the Chairiel. Sans and Asgore started arguing, Sans' nonchalance only fueling Asgore's irritation. Asriel and "Papy" (Kris had no idea what his actual name is) were both stuck calming them down. It was a little disaster, in a way.

"I wouldn't call it a party,"– Kris said, looking at two dice on the board and moving their piece forward.– "Twelve."

"What?!"– Susie grabbed her head, staring down at the growing distance between her figure and Kris'.– "No way! How are you always rolling such high numbers?!"

"I'm a natural,"– Kris mused.

"You cheated, you dumbass! There's no way you didn't!"– Susie argued, becoming flushed as she saw that Kris wouldn't stop smiling.

"I did not cheat-"

"Yes, you did, shut up! Cheater!"– Susie grabbed the dice, shaking them as hard as she could in her palms.– "I'm so gonna get you. My little buddy will get your green one and it'll kick its ass."

The dice rolled, almost tumbling off the table. Two and three.

"Shit!"– Susie roared, throwing head back in frustration.– "This game is rigged! You rigged it!"

"How can I rig a boardgame?"

"Do I look like I'd know?"– Susie grumbled, picking up the dice to throw for Sans' brother, who couldn't play because he was busy cleaning up the couch.– "I'm not as smart as you are, asshole."

Kris looked down at the board with a languid smile. They were at the front, closest to the finish and Asriel was going second. Susie was third, far away behind, with "Papy" right behind her. Since both older boys kept leaving them, they'd play for them, which just made Susie even more mad, because both figures under Kris' control were at the lead.

It didn't take long for Kris to win. But before they got to finish for Asriel as well, Sans' brother came up to them, smiling.

"We are going home now, little friends,"– he said rather quietly.– "That pie was delicious! Even if I can't really taste it... Thank you for inviting us over for a party!"

Susie nudged Kris, opening eyes with a little shake of her head, as if saying: "See? Party. That was a party. I was right."

"We weren't the ones who invited you,"– Kris said, effectively avoiding calling the skeleton by his name.

"Yes, but you played a game with me! I didn't play with anyone but my brother for years,"– Sans' brother waved a hand, picking up Sans himself and walking to the exit.– "Goodbye to you, too, younger Asgore."

"Haha, yes, goodbye,"– Asriel chuckled, closing the door behind skeleton brothers and returning to the table.– "Papyrus is such a funny guy. I don't understand how he isn't popular."

"Who?"– Kris quietly asked.

"This game is stupid!"– Susie exclaimed, jumping off her seat.– "Let's just hit the hay, Kris. Let's watch something, and if you fall asleep on the couch, I'll just move you to the chair."

Susie stretched her arms, yawning and proceeding to the living room. But she stopped after a few steps, eyes widened. Kris looked past her at the couch, noticing their dad's big figure lying prone, face smashed against the cushion.

"Righ, about that,"– Asriel said, massaging his neck.– "I don't think you can sleep on the couch, and I doubt that it's a good idea to wake up dad, so..."

"Oh, that's fine. I'll, u-u-uh,"– Susie sniffed, pouting.– "Just sleep in Kris' bedroom then."

"You, um, can't,"– Asriel noticed, awkwardly smiling and clasping hands together.– "It's... My bed. So I'm going to sleep there."

"Oh,"– Susie mumbled, unsurely frowning.

Kris frowned as well. It was clear what Asriel was hinting at. He wanted Susie to leave, claiming that there's no place for her. Which was a lie – there still was Toriel's bed. Not only that, but with how Susie's place is, she'd prefer to sleep there on the carpet rather than in her own bedroom.

"Okay,"– Susie ruffled her hair, offering a grin to Kris.– "I guess, I'll go then. Bye, Kris. See you, uh- At school tomorrow."

But, of course, she wouldn't admit that. Not in front of Asriel. Susie hates when monsters find out about her situation. Even more, she hates talking about it. Kris wouldn't betray her trust by telling Asriel everything themselves, even if it's for a good reason.

"Don't worry about me, nerd,"– Susie smirked, hitting their shoulder and slowly moving backwards.– "Don't forget to bring the console to school tomorrow."

"Bye,"– Kris quietly mumbled.

Susie opened the door, glancing back for the last time with a wave and melting in the darkness of the late evening. Part of the light left along with her. In the yellowish glow of the kitchen Kris listened to Asgore's snores.

"Phew,"– Asriel exhaled.– "What a day, huh? Can't believe mom found a new guy. But he doesn't seem too bad, right?"

Kris shrugged. Asriel gently smiled, patting their head.

"I'm going to wash the dishes now, okay?"– he said, raising sleeves up to the elbows.– "You can go up and go to sleep, if you want. Don't wait for me."

The sound of running water filled the kitchen. Kris laid their head down on the table, staring out the window near the door. Hoping to see a dark figure returning, maybe.

There was no reason for Susie to return. Not because Asriel claimed there was no space for her, but because Kris picked his side instead of insisting to let her stay.

Kris frowned, their lip corner twitching. After all those times when Susie chose them, they didn't choose her.

They didn't think. Kris stood up, sneaked up to snoring Asgore and fished out the keys out of his pocket. Many years of stealing from Asriel trained them well. Then they quietly passed Asriel in the kitchen, going upstairs and to their bedroom.

Backpack out from under the bed, put pajama shirt and shorts, console and notebooks in, open the window. Cold wind hit them in the face. They inhaled fresh air. It'll rain again soon,– they hummed.

They took a sticky note and wrote down "went for a sleepover, bye" on it. A splash of yellow on their boring grey bed.

Kris couldn't hear the sound of running water from the first floor anymore. Now or never.

They hopped on the windowsill, throwing legs outside and pushing themselves to the edge of the roof. Fingers burned from holding down onto it, but their feet successfully hit the ground.

Inhaling, Kris ran down the road, frowning as they were urgently searching for the tall figure on their way.

She didn't get too far away, shuffling instead of walking, unwilling to return to the apartment where she lived. Kris was considerably far away, but she still stomped and turned around. They could bet she pouted in confusion.

"Kris! The hell are you doing- Oof!"

Kris ran right into her, her question interrupted by their hug. Despite surprise, Susie immediately hugged them back, silent as she reflexively put down her chin on top of their head. They looped arms around her back, squeezing her as hard as they could, burying face in her shirt. Rapid heartbeat was echoing through her body back to them, warming up their insides with anxious drumming.

They stayed like that for a minute. Just clinging to each other in silence. Kris exhaled in relief, clutches of fear and guilt finally letting go of them.

Susie didn't have a lot of clothes, mostly wearing the same outfit everyday. It smelled like cheap soap. It smelled like cold air. But it also smelled of the couch in Kris' house. Of Toriel's food that Susie often stained it with. It smelled like Susie. It smelled like home.

Kris inhaled and abruptly pulled back, feeling their cheeks burn as they fixed their own hoodie. Susie mercifully didn't comment on the hug, instead opting to satisfy her confusion.

"Kris, what the hell are you doing out there?"– Susie pouted.– "Did you find a place for me or something?"

"No,"– lip corner twitched.– "Yes. Not exactly. But yes."

"Great,"– Susie narrowed eyes.– " I definitely understood all that."

"I..."

Kris rubbed their face, trying to form the strong emotions that managed to drag them out without a single coherent thought in the process into words.

"Between you and Asriel,"– Kris sniffed, muttering in emotionless tone.– "I choose you."

Susie didn't reply. Kris was too overwhelmed by embarrassment, happiness and a great dose of adrenaline from all the running, not daring to look up at her. Instead they found the keys in the pocket of their pants, lifting them up.

"Let's have a sleepover,"– Kris said.– "At my dad's place."

"Did... Did he give them to you?..."– they heard her ask, and judging by her voice she already knew the answer.

"I think. It's fair that we get his place, if he takes ours,"– Kris rubbed their cheek again and lowered their hand with the keys.

There was silence for about ten seconds. Then Kris heard Susie cackle.

"Dude, you're nuts!"– Susie slapped their shoulder, pushing them forward to start walking.– "No wonder Noelle thinks you're a ninja of some kind."

Kris had no idea what she was talking about, but they were happy. Happy to walk with Susie in the darkness, sometimes passing circles of light from occasional windows.

"What's in the backpack?"– Susie curiously asked.

"Console. Pajamas,"– Kris hummed, avoiding stepping on cracks in the pavement.– "Notebooks. If someone asks. We were doing homework."

"Shit, that's smart..."– Susie shook them with their hoodie, excitedly whispering.– "Kris! I can get pajamas from the apartment on our way! We can have a pj-party!"

Kris felt themselves melt in Susie's almost childish smile. They had many sleepovers but she still got excited for such a silly reason. They couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah. Sure."

"Then why are you so slow?!"– Susie roared, grabbing Kris' hand and dragging them towards the building where she lived.– "We need to get to your dad's place as fast as possible so we have more time for pj-party!"

Kris snorted, stumbling after her.

Chapter Text

"Okay, stay here,"– Susie opened the door to the building, letting Kris in to hide from the first drops of rain.– "I'll be back."

Kris leaned on the wall, watching Susie hurry up the stairs, her heavy steps echoing in the narrow space. Then the door opened – on the third floor, as far as Kris knows – and then it closed, leaving only the muffled sound of rain behind.

The clicking of the lock didn't follow, so Kris could go upstairs and get right into the apartment. It would be the first time they ever saw Susie's place. First time they meet her family.

They didn't, remaining still against the wall. Kris learnt that there are two types of kids: those, who want someone else to acknowledge that their parents are in the wrong, and those, who want others to ignore that their parents exist at all. Susie did not care about her mom and her mom did not care about Susie. And Kris had no wish to associate with someone who didn't like Susie. That should be illegal.

Loud bang of the door upstairs, an incomprehensible yell followed by rushed stomps and grumbling. Susie emerged from the darkness with a backpack of her own, still excited despite whatever happened in the apartment, if only a bit unsure. Kris encouragingly smiled, offering one of their rare toothy grins. Susie beamed back, grabbing their hand and dragging them outside.

"Let's go, Kris!"– she exclaimed, automatically running towards Kris' house.

"Wrong way,"– Kris said, barely managing to keep up with her.

Susie made a sharp turn, making Kris stumble.

"Shit, right... Sorry, heh,"– she turned around, readjusting her grip, gentling it, and walking towards the Flower King at a slower pace.– "You know, that's why you should lead, Kris. You actually know where the hell we are, unlike me."

Kris kept their eyes down, syncing their steps with Susie's – simplistic brown shoes next to ragged black sneakers.

"I think,"– Kris said after awhile.– "It doesn't matter if I know where I am. If I can't move I'll stay in one place."

"Uh... I guess, yeah?"– Susie hummed, processing their words.

"I mean. I know where we are,"– Kris glanced at their hands.– "And you move us."

Kris didn't like their hands much. They were softer than most monsters have, yet the skin was dry and covered in a myriad of small scratches and scars and other imperfections. They often compare it to sandpaper in their mind, when rubbing their sides or stomach.

"I do?"

Susie's hands were not soft at all. The best way to describe them was "sturdy". Kris was convinced even her fingers had biceps.

"Yeah,"– Kris said with unfamiliar satisfaction as they squeezed Susie's palm.– "The fuck squad needs all of it's members to function."

They heard Susie giggle, no doubt lifting her upper lip – she always does that when giggling. Interestingly enough, Susie's inner palm was smooth and warm, while her fingers and outer side were rough, with bumps there and there, colder too. Kris enjoyed rubbing her knuckles in particular, pressing at them with their thumb.

Kris stopped thinking for a minute. Just... Staring at their hand in hers.

Susie was too good for them. She was much kinder. She was much more healthy. She was much more talkative. She was much less annoying. She was better. Even her hands were better.

Weirdly, Kris didn't feel envy. They didn't feel disappointed in themselves either. There was something else. An adoration, of sort. A fascination. This light feeling cocooned their wild and sadistic heart, softening its painful pulsing and silencing the thunderous heartbeat.

They felt peaceful. Comfortable. Unusually so. Even with Susie around they had never felt this calm. The only thing that came to mind was the comfort they felt around Noelle when they were small. But it was years ago, not to mention that back then nothing happened yet...

"So, uh, where do we come in?"

Kris looked up at Susie, then at the Asgore's flower shop.

"Front, I guess,"– Kris shrugged, walking up to the doors with the keys.– "But if you want, you can try to run through the wall."

"The hell are you talking about,"– Susie pouted.– "I'm not a damn wizard, if that was a reference."

"No,"– Kris opened the door, stepping aside to let her in.– "I just thought it's something you'd do, if you could."

Susie smirked, passing them by and roaring into the empty room.

"Hell yeah I would!"

Kris reflexively smiled, unable to hold it back, staring at the large back retreating deeper into the Flower King. Surely, this feeling is just happiness? Surely, they're just relieved that Susie won't spend tonight in her apartment? Surely, there's nothing special to it?

They stayed outside for a few seconds, finally noticing the drops of rain that were falling on their face. They should stop hanging out under the rain like this. Toriel would trap Kris in blankets as soon as she hears them sneeze. Half a year ago they might've been happy about the opportunity to skip school, but now they want to stay as healthy as possible – they can't hang out with Susie if they're stuck in their sad bedroom for days, can they?

They knew what that was. That feeling. They watched enough movies to recognise the symptoms, even if they were a bit irregular. But why? Why now? When everything was perfect already? Were they being greedy like all humans do? Were they jealous to share Susie with someone else? Not really. Or maybe they just didn't notice it. Why would they be jealous anyway? They should be happy Susie has a life outside of their friendship. And they are. Right? What if they're not? Why, if they're not? Do they think Susie doesn't deserve to have someone else? Do they think Susie belongs to them? What if they had been internally treating Susie as someone of lower position? Was it their fault? Of course it was. They were disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting...

Kris inhaled, slipping a hand under their hoodie to scratch under their chest, brushing finger pads against the skin to try and feel the heartbeat.

The realisation left a bittersweet taste at the back of their throat. Even now, when their heart was quiet, it found a way to ruin everything.

Disgusting,– Kris languidly thought, stepping inside the Flower King and locking the doors. The reflection in the glass was tiredly smiling. Maybe it was laughing at them.

"She doesn't care about you this way,"– Kris mumbled and the reflection mirrored their lips moving.– "Why would she? You're a human."

Kris in the glass remained silent. It had no need to speak, just like it did not need a heart. It never experienced guilt and fear, only ever silently observing Kris' struggles from far away like their discoloured shadow, blending with whatever surface they chose to parasite on.

"You'll ruin everything,"– their voice sounded tired and monotone as they kept smiling.

Kris dug their nails in the skin of their stomach until it stung.

"Kris, there's a TV! It looks like Tenna, but- But like older! Imagine what a darkner it would make!"– Susie's voice came from the back room.

Fingers relaxed. Hand dropped out of the hoodie. Kris turned away from the reflection.

"Yeah. I guess I will."

"Kris! Look!"

Kris turned around to see Susie put the empty flower pot on her head upside-down.

"I'm Ralsei!"– she proudly bared all of her teeth in a grin.

Kris snorted.

"Hi, Ralsei,"– they said.– "You're bigger in the light world. Maybe that's why your hat looks too small."

"I'm a growing goat, my darling Kris,"– Susie attempted to raise her voice to sound more «cute».– "But you are still in love with me even if I'm big, right? Right?"

"Since when am I in love with Ralsei?"– Kris asked, amused, as they leaned on the stand with seven flowers in the middle of the room.

"Since forever, duh?"– Susie immediately dropped the act as well as the pot, catching it in the air.

"Fascinating theory,"– Kris nodded.– "Elaborate."

"Psh! Well... You were the one to go around with him when we played in the closet,"– Susie shook her head like it was obvious.

"And?"

"And you love him!"– Susie insisted.– "If not, you would've gone with me."

"In that case, it would've meant I love you,"– Kris grinned, feeling oddly excited at the indirect confession.

"Shut up, don't twist my words!"– Susie blushed, pouting and returning the pot to its place in the corner.– "You could be a baddie with me, but instead you chose to be a lame hero."

"You're a hero too,"– Kris light-heartedly argued.

"Yes, but we could've been bad guys that are heroes!"– Susie exclaimed, leaning on the stand as well, but on the opposite side.– "And then we would've dragged Ralsei with us. Me, you, Lancer and him, one team from the start."

"But then we probably would've not become friends,"– Kris bent down, to lie their cheek on their arms.

Susie abruptly changed in face at their words.

"Bullshit,"– Susie spat out with a gravely serious expression and a deep frown.

"Really?"– Kris smirked.

"Yes!"– Susie leaned over the stand, past the yellow flower to look down at them.– "I told you, I don't know why we weren't friends before! We just had to hang out once!"

"Does not explain why you think I'm in love with Ralsei,"– Kris rolled their eyes.– "He's just me with a different voice-"

The ringing interrupted them.

Kris blinked. Susie glanced at their glowing pocket.

"Uh... I think that's your phone,"– Susie muttered.

"Or a bomb."

"Pretty sure it's your phone, dumbass,"– Susie gently hit their shoulder.– "Won't you pick it up?"

Kris pursed their lips, unsurely humming.

"It's probably just Asriel,"– they murmured, tracing the glass dome above the cyan flower.

"So? Pick it up,"– Susie frowned, reaching down into their pocket and taking out the ringing phone.

Kris didn't move to intercept her. Susie stared at them with a soft frown and a pout.

After a few seconds the screen went black – the caller gave up. For now, at least. Susie sniffed, fidgeting with Kris' phone. It seemed small in her hands.

"Why won't you pick it up? You like Asriel, right?"– Susie carefully asked.

Kris scrunched their face. They really had no idea how to word it. They did like Asriel, of course – he was not only their favourite family member, but also the only friend for many years. But they chose Susie over him nevertheless, and it said something about Kris that they had no idea how to acknowledge outloud.

"If... I pick up, he'll tell me to come back,"– Kris managed to squeeze out, wearing an expression of someone who ate ten lemons in one go.

Susie continued to glare at them. Why was she doing this? Is she suspecting them? Did she figure it out? Does she know? What if she is? She must hate them already.

Kris hid their face in the sleeve of their hoodie.

"I don't... Want to leave you,"– they meekly mumbled into the fabric.

The room was silent. Kris felt embarrassed to look at Susie. It was a new colour of embarrassment they had never felt before. «Shy» would be more correct. Were they shy? Really? This was ridiculous.

Susie hardly cared. She huffed, throwing their phone away – on the bed, fortunately, where it bounced twice and remained lying.

"Whatever then! Let's go to sleep. This is a sleepover with pajamas, right?"– Susie ran up to her backpack.– "Check out what I got."

There was no sigh of relief, but Kris instantly felt lighter. They raised their head, walking around the flowers to examine a bright blue... Something in Susie's hands.

She stood up straight and raised the blue object high, clearly proud. It took a moment for Kris to recognise a sweater in it. A simple light blue sweater with two white stripes.

"Practically the same as yours, yeah?!"– Susie excitedly asked, head poking from behind the new piece of clothes.

"Even the stripes,"– Kris nodded, even though it was nothing like their sweater.

Susie grinned wider, adding her spare black pants to the small pile in her arms.

"Alright! Then you get into your PJs here and I'll get into mine outside! The fastest one gets to eat the egg from the fridge!"

Without waiting a second Susie dashed into the main hall of Flower King, leaving Kris behind with the seven unnaturally coloured flowers.

Kris sighed. They wouldn't be able to hold it in for long. And yet, they had no idea how to let it out. Will they just blow up eventually?

Kris swiftly shook their hoodie off, changing into a loose shirt – acid green, Asriel passed it down to them years ago and they hadn't got any new ones since then – followed by the simple brown shorts replacing their pants.

Surprisingly, Susie hadn't barged in yet. Kris thought she'd be done faster.

Some of the flowers were facing them. Their cores were big, accentuated by the colourful petals, like eyelashes surrounding an eye. Kris scrunched their face, imagining them having ears to eavesdrop on them when they think they're all alone. They could not understand why Asgore finds it comforting to talk to them.

What would I even say?– Kris huffed, getting close to the green flower. It looked the least ominous out of all, which is why Kris made their darkner's main trait kindness on the draft for their next play session.

Hey, little flower, I think I fell in love with my best friend – actually, scratch that, my only friend, because my brother doesn't really count, and Noelle definitely fucking hates my guts – a bit less now after her crush on Susie died down- Oh, right, forgot to tell you, yes, she has a crush on the same person I fell in love with, so she'll hate my guts again if I even dare to confess; but at the same time, I don't think I can not confess, because it had been barely an hour since I realised my feelings for her and I already feel like a pathetic piece of shit – more so than usual – which means, telling her about my love is the only logical path, but I have no idea how to do this: the words are not wording in the way I want them and I want, I need for them to be right, they have to convey what I actually feel without sounding disgusting like everything else about me, so I won't ruin the only thing in my life that brings me joy-

"Okay, Kris, don't dare to laugh or I'll bite your neck!"

Kris jumped, startled out of their spiraling monologue. They made a sharp turn, almost tripping on their wooden-like limb, to see Susie awkwardly entering the room with a flushed face and a pout. The new sweater definitely was different from her everyday clothes, the shade softer and lighter than anything else in her closet. The collar was big and high, almost up to her chin – absolutely not like Kris', but they'd burn and then flush that remark down the toilet if it ever dared to come out.

"Neat,"– Kris muttered, trying to pile the remnants of their scattered sanity in one pile.– "Is it comfortable?"

"Yeah,"– Susie sniffed, looking down and touching the fabric.– "I never was a fan of sweaters because I thought they're all prickly and annoying, but this one is mad soft, dude. I can see why you wear stuff like this all the time."

"Why this colour?"– Kris blurted out, desperately searching for something to support the conversation.

"Uh, kinda was the only one in my price range,"– her upper lip twitched as she made her way to the bed.– "I was saving for new sneakers but then saw this and thought: shit, this is literally just like Kris'!"

"Hm."

"Yeah."

∘ ∘ ∘

Kris clasped their hands together, looking down at their shoes.

∘ ∘ ∘

Susie pouted, gently rocking from left to right in silence.

∘ ∘ ∘

"So, uh-"

Only one coherent sentence in Kris' head:
Oh, for fuck's sake!

"Do you remember that a lot of monsters had flowers today at the Festival?"

Susie slowly nodded, eyes moving around as she was bringing memories of today to the surface.

"Great. Well, you know. My dad is an owner of a flower shop,"– Kris continued, seeing Susie's confused face.– "So. At some point, while walking through the streets, you offer to go and grab some flowers for a snack from him – he's my dad, so he'd give us some for free, right?"

They could see how Susie's body language changed as she recognised the story-telling pattern in their words. Kris swallowed.

"Damn right,"– Susie said, already at attention.– "So I grab you and we go to the Flower King."

"Indeed you do,"– Kris agreed and licked their lips.– "But even before we open the doors, we see through the glass that there's no light inside."

"What the hell? I open the door,"– Susie muttered, but she already knew what this was all about.

"The moment you tug the door on yourself, thick fog of darkness pours out of the crack, forcefully opening the entrance wide."

"Shit! Close the door, close the door!"– Susie exclaimed, hopping off the bed.

"You manage to close the doors, darkness retreating inside the flower shop, lurking behind the glass and patiently waiting for you."

"Kris! Why there's a damn Dark World in the middle of the town!"– Susie roared, grabbing Kris' shoulders and shaking them.

That was a good question, but a better one would be why they decided it's a great idea to start the play now? Kris shrugged, trying to hide the panic behind nonchalance.

"Wait..."– Susie shook them again, yelling.– "There are people inside too, right?! They went in there for the flowers! For the damn Festival!"

Kris nodded. They fucked up, they fucked up so hard – they didn't finish this Dark World, they hadn't even started to think of an ending yet.

"Kris,"– Susie took a step back.– "You know what that means, right?"

Kris nodded. That not only they're going to ruin everything with their stupid feelings, but they're also going to ruin this carefully crafted Dark World because they panicked.

Susie raised a fist with a determined grin.

"Let's save their asses, Kris!"

They felt the familiar anxious flutter in their chest. It was back.

Kris had to save their own ass first.

There was no way they could pull this off. While yes, they did decide on all the characters in this Dark World, and yes, they did decide on the theme, they did absolutely not polish it for presentation. Forget about polishing, there was no ending! No epilogue! No conclusion or a result! No final battle scene!

Kris had to quiet themselves down in their head to speak up for the flowers-darkners. Susie was going crazy over the fact that they spoke of Asgore as if he was there.

Kris was going crazy, trying to figure out how to fix the situation. The adrenaline definitely helped with frequent voice changing and coming up with new dialogues on the spot, but they needed time to think of how the story will go.

Susie roared at the darkners when they fled in different parts of the Dark World.

They had no time to think at all, too busy navigating Susie through the new location and talking for every miniscule character she encountered.

Susie ran after the purple darkner. Kris and Ralsei followed.

They weren't running in real life but they might as well. There was not enough air in their lungs, heart particularly rowdy in its cage. What a relief it would've been – to scratch their chest, to claw the pulsing organ out, to throw it on the floor and stomp and stomp and stomp on it.

"Kris?"

Kris inhaled sharply. Air pricked their lungs. They looked up at Susie. She was smiling, but her brows were knitted in compassion.

"All good?"

Stop worrying her,– Kris chided themselves and nodded.

"I think they're just surprised to see their father's flowers talking, Susie,"– they said in Ralsei's voice.

Susie softly huffed, patting their back.

"Is that so?"– she grinned.– "Well, you can always just hop on my back and I'll carry you, Kris!"

They can do this. They'll come up with something. They have to. Kris felt their heart slither its way up their throat. They swallowed it, heart falling back in the ribcage.

They had an idea. Maybe. Or maybe not. This was a mess, such a mess...