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The air in the room is damp and heavy.
In the past sixty years of his life, Thomas never once thought it would feel this good to feel out of breath. But here he is, panting hard with his forehead pressed against Aldo’s, running out of breath but desperately wanting this moment to last forever.
This kind of intimacy is still new to both of them. Yes, they were close to each other spiritually, and sometimes even physically. But not this close, ever.
After the conclave, the tension between them became palpable, every time they glanced at each other accidentally, it always seemed like there was a barrier between them that couldn’t be resolved. And Thomas couldn’t help but feel frustrated. He could pretend to be busy and not care about other things. However, deep down he knew how much he missed his friend, and the natural closeness that used to be there.
So he confronted Aldo eventually, like he did every time they had disagreements. Aldo isn’t that kind of person who would corner you in the corridor and ask for a solution after a fight. Instead, he preferred to pretend nothing happened and wait for things to move on.
It was supposed to be a confrontation about the things that happened in conclave, they would talk about what happened and forgive each other, then sort out what they should do afterwards.
But somehow, it turned out to be a confrontation about their feelings for each other over the years. That’s how they ended up here, hand grabbing each other, chest bumping and nose nuzzling. Thomas decided that was the best decision he had ever made.
“Aldo…” Thomas opened his eyes and stared into the deep honey brown directly. “How on earth are you so good at this?”
Aldo's face was still slightly colored from their previous kiss. Hearing Thomas’s words, his face deepened to a beautiful shade of red.
“Well? Don’t tell me you’ve practiced this before.” Thomas pressed further, he was just teasing Aldo, but the man in front of him looked impossibly embarrassed.
Oh.
Suddenly, a realization hit Thomas hard.
He knew a lot of priests have done this kind of thing, it’s not a secret, and It’s not that Thomas never felt the desire to do so. Quite the contrary, he had often been wondering what it would feel like to put his hand on Aldo’s face, to feel the pulse on his neck, and to kiss him.
But it’s Aldo, the man who was always guarded, composed, and most importantly, devoted. Besides, their friendship is too good to be true for Thomas, and he could not bear the possibility of losing it.
So, after their confession, Thomas had expected their first kiss to be awkward and inexperienced, which is totally fine considering the both of them should be lacking this kind of knowledge.
Well, for him, at least.
A small tug on the sleeve brought Thomas back to reality, Aldo looked at him, fragile and unguarded. Thomas felt his heart just skipped a beat. Even him, as Aldo’s friend for years, had never seen him like this before. Suddenly Thomas was torn between the desire to wrap him up to protect him, and to devour him until there’s nothing left.
But then a wave of jealousy came up to him. Has anyone besides him seen Aldo like this? He thought he was the one who knew Aldo better than anyone else. But, Is there another person who knows him more than Thomas does?
A slight frown flew across Aldo’s face, and Thomas realized he was grabbing a little bit hard. He lost his grip immediately and was ashamed of what he had just been thinking.
“I’m sorry Aldo, did I hurt you?”
“No, I’m not a porcelain you know, I won’t break.” Aldo raised his eyebrows and said with a hint of his usual sarcasm.
Won’t break? Is that so? Thomas, once again felt the impulse he had never felt before. And then chased this thought away quickly while embarrassed by his own thoughts.
Cleard his throat, Thomas said, “So… you’ve kissed…someone before?” He asked with a pretended casualness, but judging from Aldo’s expression, he probably failed.
Seeming to struggle for a bit, Aldo signed and pulled away slightly, and studied Thomas’s face before speaking. “Yes, I‘ve kissed someone before.”
Thomas raised his head abruptly and was about to say something, but Aldo interrupted him before he could speak. “You are not jealous, are you? Thomas, surely you knew green does not look good on you.”
Thomas looked away from Aldo’s face and glanced around the room, eventually his eyes locked at the glasses on the table.
“...What if I am?” He mumbled in a faint voice and stared at the glasses deadly. His usual pale cheek now is red as a blossom rose.
Aldo couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight in front of him. Who would have thought that Thomas Lawrence, Dean of College Of Cardinals, is a jealous guy?
Aldo then pressed himself further into Thomas, and both of his arms circled around Thomas's neck. Thomas turned his glance back at him, and also pressed himself closer to Aldo without consciousness.
“I‘ve never… I’ve never thought we could be like this, you know.” Aldo said while hiding his face in Thomas’s chest. “ I thought we would always be just friends, very close friends.”
“And I also thought that was enough. To be just by your side, as a friend.” Aldo nuzzled his nose into Thomas’s chest.
This side of Aldo, so honest and trusting, without his cold mask on, somehow made Thomas’s chest ache. He is still not used to this, and he doubts that he ever will.
“You kissed someone else, because you thought you would… we would never have this?” Thomas’s voice cracked, and Aldo looked up from his chest and smiled sadly before nodding.
“But now we do, now I know we could have this.” Raised his head, Aldo then pressed his nose to Thomas’s. They were so close that their breath mixed together, hot and heavy.
“And this is better than any of the kisses I had before. This is all I've dreamed about, and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in this world.” Aldo’s voice trembled slightly, they were so close to each other that the sound of their heartbeats intertwined together as one.
“I can’t change the past, but I promised you would be the last man I kissed. Is this enough for you? Your Eminence?” A wave of electricity ran through Thomas’s spine, his face reddened with Aldo’s teasing. Closed his eyes for a brief second and then Thomas nodded slightly.
“Of course, my love, however…” Thomas tilted his head and then their lips met gently along the way. The arms around each other tightened.
“I'm still quite unfamiliar with this, would you mind to practice with me?”