Chapter Text
The school day had ended. Everything was quiet already as Kou's class had been let out later than usual.
Kou sighed softly as he silently walked down the hall, his gaze distant and unfocused. Satou and Yokoo followed close behind, chatting amongst themselves, completely unaware of Kou's solitude. He felt an intense, torturous loneliness as he watched them, their closeness emphasizing his own desperate isolation. It was as if everyone around him had someone to rely on, someone to be with, while he was left to his own thoughts. He eventually lost them, left to walk by himself as he fell behind.
He was so fucking sick of everything.
He was nothing more than a friendly face in a crowd, and he wanted to be more... perhaps he was just selfish? Was it truly ingratitude to desire a deeper connection?
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He pouted slightly, one of his calloused hands mindlessly fiddling with the safety pin on the almost rusty silver chain around his neck that rested on the black shirt beneath his unbuttoned uniform.
He wasn't one to let emotions take control, but today was different. Frustration and pent-up emotions seemed to claw at his composure, leaving him vulnerable. It was as if something deep within him had been exposed, a raw nerve for anyone to touch. Was there just something wrong with him?
It felt like there was a deep, gaping wound within his soul, aching to be eased from the everlasting pain tearing away at him every waking moment.
One thought crossed his mind, the same tantalising thought that had haunted him for years. Sousuke. It echoed like a lingering memory from the past. It was a name he rarely spoke, yet it haunted him at random moments. The thought of Sousuke brought a mix of conflicting emotions—longing, regret, and an ache that seemed impossible to ignore.
His eyes widened, face contorting into something almost fearful. Fuck...
Panic welled up within his gut, the very memory enough to stir his nerves.
"No...No.. I cant think like that...It's been 3 years since I first met Sousuke, and 1 year since he never spoke to me again. Why do the memories still hurt? Why can I still not get him out of my mind? It's not like he meant anything to me...he was just my friend, right? He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.." He thought to himself as his mind became a twisting, unfocused blur.
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The more he walked, the faster his footsteps became, a desperate attempt to outrun the thoughts that gripped him. But no matter how much he tried, the memories remained, haunting his every move and leaving him in a whirlwind of emotions. Despite knowing there was nothing between them, he found himself tethered by an invisible chain, unable to let go of the past.
He shouldn't feel like this...they hadn't even spoken.
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The more Kou thought about it, the crazier it seemed. Sousuke practically never showed up to school—he couldn't even recall seeing him in the corridors, let alone any of their classes. They hardly ever crossed paths at all. But still, the memories plagued him. It was as if his mind couldn't grasp the fact that there was nothing to be attached to. Was it the mere memory? The desperate longing to have back what's already gone?
He clenched his face tightly in his shaking hands, the frustration growing. He didn't know why he was so worked up, especially when he knew he was acting irrationally. Suddenly, he felt something hit against shoulder, falling back slightly and hitting the wall beside him. The sound of a pained whine and an irritated scoff that followed instantly made his heart drop.
The voice itself was all too familiar, and the emotions it brought up within him were undeniable. He turned around, his heart pounding.
His gaze locked with those familiar pink eyes. The sight of his soft features and pink hair messily tied in a small ponytail caused his heart to skip a beat and his pulse to quicken. It was as if the universe had a cruel sense of irony, to present him with the one person he had so desperately tried to avoid, fucking with him and playing sick jokes just to toy with his own pathetic, vulnerable state.
That moment was quiet. So quiet it made his skin seem to crawl uncomfortably.
He saw the familiar expression on those pink eyes—a mix of distaste and a hint of fear. It was a look that seemed to say "I never wanted to see you again."
The sight made the knot in his chest tighten, as if a hand was clutching his heart and squeezing it until every ounce of him was drained out from the very core.
He reached out a shaky hand to touch the familiar shoulder, hesitantly grasping it. His muscles trembled beneath his touch, the anxiety overwhelming.
Sousuke, who had been avoiding his gaze until now, let out a low scoff and shook off Kou's hand. The action was cold and harsh, and it felt like a slap to the face.
As panic coursed through his veins, Kou felt the need to apologize, to explain, to convince Sousuke to understand. He opened his mouth, trying to utter words that could somehow erase the past.
"Mitsuba, I'm so sorry--," he began, but Sousuke cut him off, his voice firm and sharp.
Sousuke looks at him, a disgusted countenance betrayed by his slipping nervousness across his soft features.
"Don't fucking touch me.." Sousuke replied, his voice wavering. "I don't want anything to do with you."
Sousuke’s body trembled with each word, and his once confident tone faded with slipping quivers in his voice, the vulnerability seeping through his sharp demeanor.
Those words hurt like a knife to his heart, the gaping wound bleeding out in painful rejection.
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