Work Text:
It was the start of the 2013 season. Mark and Sebastian had never been on the best terms since becoming teammates, but over the past couple of years they had gradually become closer. So close to the point that after races, if they weren’t too worn out, they would go for a quiet dinner. Seb was fine with this, happy even. But if he was being honest with himself, there was always a little part of him that wanted more, but to him it would be selfish to ask for more.
Pre-season testing had already started, right now Seb was sitting in a rather boring meeting about the new updates his car was being given. The past three seasons for Sebastian had been going fairly well, but if Seb were to actually say what he thought, he would say that it was turing out pretty fucking awesome. But he wouldn’t, although never shy to say what he was thinking, this felt like something only he would know. Well him and Mark. With Mark, Seb felt that he could be himself, tell him anything without worry of it reaching someone else's ears. He wasn’t entirely sure what about Mark instilled such trust in Seb.
“Seb, mate,” whispered Mark as he nudged his forearm.
“Oh, uh yeah sorry.”
Seb felt slightly embarrassed at letting himself zone out like that, and Mark snickering next to him certainly wasn’t helping. He shot him a glare with no real malice behind it as he sat up readjusting himself to actually focus on the discussion at hand.
When the meeting was over Sebs head felt full. A whole two hours of new information that needed to be 100% committed to memory, he was definitely going to need to study. He was going over the many papers he was given as he walked to his car when he quite literally ran into a familiar figure.
“Woah, Seb?”
Oh, it was Mark, while he would’ve rather not run into anyone, it did help that it was only him. Though that fact didn’t startle him any less.
“Scheisse! Mark, Gott. Sorry. I’m sorry”
Seb had a hand up to his chest his heart beat still racing while Mark was picking up the papers that were now splayed out on the ground.
“You good there?”
Sebastian looked up at him nodding slowly. Mark had been laughing at first but after looking at Sebs face he went quiet, noting that something was off.
“I didn’t think you’d run into me that hard, shit, Seb are you okay?”
He wasn’t sure how Mark did it. He somehow alway knew what Seb was truly feeling whether he was being truthful or not. Seb would never say it out loud, but he secretly loved that about him, to know that there was someone out there that paid close enough attention to him to properly identify his emotions.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt a hand go around his arm.
“Seb.”
Sebastian was staring straight at Mark's now, his face evidently displaying his concern with his hand still firm against him. Seb took in a deep breath to get his mind in order.
“Yeah. Sorry yeah, I’m fine, you just startled me a bit. Sorry”
Mark loosened his hold on Sebs arm but didn’t take his hand away, only leaving it resting loosely against his sweater cladded arm, which Sebastian wasn’t going to complain about. Mark knew better than to comment on the fact that bumping into a person shouldn’t warrant the repetitive apologies nor the heavy breathing that he was currently witnessing, but this wasn’t the place to discuss it, he’d save that for another time.
“Ah, no mate, it's fine. You’re sure you're okay?”
Although Seb had said he was alright, Mark knew better than to believe him. Eye colors don’t change, not when you’re an adult, but for Mark Sebs deep blue eyes would visibly appear hazed and dull. Right now they weren’t as dark as he had seen them before, but they certainly were not as vibrant as they tended to be. He wasn’t sure what to do to settle Sebs nerves other than to hold onto him as long as Sebastian needed.
“Yeah Mark, I’m okay, I promise,” Seb said, voice wavering slightly.
“Well, glad to run into you, literally and figuratively. I was wondering if you wanted to catch a quick din?”
“I would like that. Same place as last time or somewhere different?”
“A checked out a new place in town last week, seemed nice if you’d like to check it out?”
“Mh, sounds nice. Send me the location?”
“Righto, see you in ten.”
***
As much as Sebastian was looking forward to going out to eat with Mark there was something that always came up that created a fear around eating out with him. Though this fear was completely unknown to Mark, it was very real and threatening to Sebastian.
Seb stepped out of his car and was greeted by a smiling Mark. They were at a restaurant called the “Brasserie Blanc MK” it seemed fancy and Seb felt a bit underdressed seeing that he was in trainers, long khaki shorts, and RedBull hoodie. Luckily it was bordering on spring so it was still cool enough to wear a sweatshirt without being questioned. If asked he’d just say he was cold. But of course what he didn’t expect was that the restaurant would be obnoxiously warm, too warm.
Mark, sly as ever, had already made a reservation for two so by the time they walked into the place they were seated within a few minutes. Due to it being a new dining place it was buzzing with conversation, and the amount of people in there was certainly not helping with the heat.
Sitting down, Mark slid off his grey zip up while Seb sat across from him shifting uncomfortably every once and awhile, sweat slowly building on his forehead. And Mark, keen as ever, noticed.
“Seb, s’ a bit warm in here yeah?”
Seb took a sip of his water and nodded. It wasn’t even warm at this point, it was hot. He figured they must’ve had the heating on to counter the brisk spring air because there was no other explanation for it to be this temperature in a restaurant.
After Seb looked over the menu he picked out the cheapest meal, some salad. This was his routine: Pretend to care about what's on the menu, pick whatever was the least expensive, take a bite or two and say he's full, go to the bathroom, and then tell the rest to “go”. Go meaning when he gets home it wouldn't go in his fridge, but the trash can right next to it.
The food was brought to the table around twenty minutes after they ordered. Mark had ordered a steak with a random side, not letting go of the fact that Seb had asked for a salad in a rather fancy French restaurant. He had already thought that Sebastian looked a bit more on the skinny side than usual, but then again he did have a naturally lithe build.
Mark picked up his fork and knife ready to cut into his food, glancing up at Seb as he began tugging at his sweater. Sebastian was definitely sweating now, it was way too hot for his liking, he just needed to find a way to cool down because the water wasn’t helping. With little mind to his actions, fed up with the heat, Seb quickly unzipped his jacket. He sighed at the instant relief of having the sweatshirt off, thankfully he was wearing a dark blue t-shirt underneath. Mark had taken his first bite and after hearing Sebs zipper coming undone he looked up to make a jab at him for being so stubborn to keep a jacket on in this heat. But after really looking at him he had to put down his silverware, trying to process what he was seeing. Seb, now sitting back in his chair taking a sip of water, had a clear view of Mark and his very odd look that he had on his face.
“Mark, why do you look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” Seb asked, even more confused because after he asked, Mark had narrowed his eyes almost as if to say ‘It isn’t obvious?’
Sebastian was about to ask again what was wrong when Mark let out a breathy ‘What the fuck’. Now he was getting a little frustrated with Mark, especially because that was the only thing he had said after a good 30 seconds of staring at Seb like he had just cursed him out.
“Do I have something on my shir-oh.”
Sebastian had figured there was something wrong so accepting the fact that it wasn't his face, he looked down at his shirt while tugging at it with his right arm. That’s when he saw what had captured Mark's attention, his arm.
“Fuck, oh Mark. I can explain it’s not-what are you doi-?”
Mark finally collected himself enough to think, and the first thing he could think to do was stand up, walk over to Sebs side of the table, grab his hand, pull him up, and lead him outside to a secluded place where they could talk.
Sebastian felt his face heat up, he felt the lump starting to form in his throat. What should he do, what does anyone do in this situation, was this a thing that commonly happened? All he knew is that he was following Mark and surely Mark knew what he was doing, right?
They were now sitting outside on an extension restaurant, a patio, sitting on a bench, Mark sat next to Seb still holding his hand. Sebastian was tense, Mark wasn't saying anything, only rubbing his thumb rhythmically over the back of Sebs hand and staring at the floor as if the answer of what he should say would magically pop out of the wooden floor under them.
Mark took his free hand and rubbed it over his face before taking a sharp breath and speaking.
“Sebastian. I don’t, I can’t assume anything. But to me that looks.”
He switched his hand from Sebs hand to his arm, holding him as if even the slightest of touches would break him. Despite Mark knowing about Sebastian's past, he still held Sebs arm like it was the most fragile thing in the world, but realistically he knew it would take more than a touch to break him. He knew just how strong Sebastian really was, and it was much more than he let on. Mark started again.
“Seb, I need you to speak to me. I need you to tell me what’s going on.”
Sebastian felt the tears start to build up, he took his hand and quickly wiped his face. He felt Mark's eyes on him, he wanted to run away, hide his face and never face anyone ever again. Sebastian felt bad for not saying anything, but really, what could he say?
“I-Mark, I don’t…I don’t know what you want me to say.”
His voice was no more than a whisper, if Mark hadn’t been right next to Seb he wouldn’t have heard him.
“Seb, what is this?”
He moved his hand over Sebastian's forearm, smoothing it over as if that would make the multiple scars splayed across his arm go away.
“Well what does it look like?”
Sebastian was trying to make light of the situation to take some tension away, to which Mark softened his eyes clearly not appreciating the attempted joke. The silence was loud, Seb was trying to find out a way to say it but he just couldn’t think of the proper way to say it, because honestly what does one say?
He took a shuddery breath in, he didn’t plan for anyone to find out, especially not Mark. Mark was one of the last people Seb hoped would never find out. Sebastian felt pathetic. What kind of grown man cut himself? He was an adult, he should be able to deal with his emotions without being so dramatic.
Mark could tell Sebastian was stuck somewhere in his head so he simply put an arm around Seb and pulled him closer leaving no room between them. After a few minutes of sitting in silence with Mark holding onto Seb tightly, he felt the man next to him start shivering. Whether it was because of the cold English weather or if it was from the silent crying that was going on, Mark wanted to help. Luckily, he had half a mind to grab his grey zip up before they had made their exit, so he wrapped it around Seb, hesitant to let go of him.
Sebastian was still crying and Mark hated seeing it. He dug into his jean pockets hoping that he had a tissue tucked away in there. He successfully found one in his front pocket. Sebastians breathing was getting shallow and Mark knew he needed to do something now before it escalated into something he wasn’t sure he knew how to deal with. He turned his body towards Seb and cupped the side of his face to get him to stop moving so much.
“Mate, I need you to look at me,” Mark tried to sound reassuring but he wasn’t sure that it was helping.
After getting Sebastian to still for a second he took the tissue and wiped under his eyes. Seb was still sniffling but his crying had stopped, the tears staying in his eyes but not leaving them. Mark was hoping this was him calming down so he took this as an opportunity to ask.
“Seb, can we talk now?”
Sebastian took a deep shaky breath before starting.
“It’s just…it’s too much sometimes Mark. I know it's stupid for me to do this, and I'm sorry that you found out, no one was supposed to find out. It’s just that, I know it sounds horrible, I have a good life but the pain from the….it helps. It takes my mind away from what is currently going on in my life and, I don't know. I’m sorry Mark, I really am. God what you must think of me. You must think I’m pathetic. I wouldn’t blame you, I am.”
Mark could tell he was getting himself worked up again. Hedidn’t understand how the man he knew, bright and smiles 24/7 was sitting in front of him pouring out his worst secrets. Mark knew about Sebs problems, he was his friend of course he knew, but nothing could’ve told him it was this bad. Or maybe there was. Was he that ignorant to turn a blind eye to every time Seb had worn a long sleeve shirt out when it was well over 30 degrees? Or even when he had seen Seb refuse to take off his sweater even if he was better off without it.
He was quickly pulled out of his head when he felt Sebastian's breaths getting shorter and quicker.
“Mark,” Was all Sebastian could say. It sounded almost like a question, like he was asking for him, asking for help.
Mark got up from the bench still holding Sebs hand, he kneeled down in front of him. He was glad that this part of the patio was tucked away near the back because he knows that for Sebs sake, he would much rather be alone with him than have a crowd of people staring. If he was being honest, he wasn’t even sure if Seb wanted him to be there with him. But that didn’t matter because even if Seb had asked him to leave, he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. It would've been wrong, he knew he didn’t have it in him to leave Sebastian, for fucks sake, he loved him. Mark loved Sebastian, he always has. Sure they would have their ups and downs, but they would always find a way back to each other.
Sebastian's breathing still wasn’t entirely normal so Mark tried to speak to him again.
“Seb, breathe with mate.”
Mark took both of Sebs hands into his, taking a deep breath in trying to encourage Sebastian to copy his action. And after a few breaths, he did. It only took five minutes for Seb to fully calm down. When he did, Mark moved back to his side still not letting go of his hand, his touch lingering longer than what would be able to be passed as friendly.
Sebastian found his voice again.
“Mark, I'm sorry.”
Mark almost found it funny that after everything that just happened, he was sorry. But he didn’t say that, he simply squeezed Sebastian’s hand in an attempt to let him know it was alright, but deep down he knew that it would take more than a hand gesture and a few words to reassure “Seb, you have nothing to be sorry for. If anything I’m sorry for being such an ignorant git.”
Sebastian gave a weak laugh at that.
“Oh don’t say that.”
“No really, it’s true. Had I paid any attention to you, I would’ve seen something was wrong.”
“Mark don’t be daft, you've noticed more about me than I think I've noticed about myself. You shouldn’t be apologizing.”
“Regardless of what you say, I do. But not to dwell, promise me. Promise me you’ll tell me if you do this again? If you’re hurting and want to do it again, please? Even if you’re not, even if you’re just upset, tell me, please.”
“I will, I promise.”
There was a comfortable silence that fell upon them, still hand in hand, breathing in time together, the pink orange sky adding to the atmosphere. They stayed like that for a while before Sebastian broke the quiet.
“Hey Mark?”
“Mh?”
Sebastian gave him a smirk and continued.
“You’re still holding my hand.”
Mark immediately let go, slightly embarrassed at being called out like that while Sebastian stifled a laugh.
“Well, I wasn’t complaining.”
Sebastian said that in a tone that suggested to Mark that that was his own way of saying ‘keep holding my hand’ and of course, who was Mark to deny him of that?
***
Later, after paying for the meal they made a slow walk back to their respective cars, though neither did want to part. They hadn’t spoken about whatever was going on between them but it was eating at them both. At this point they’d know each other for over two years but it wasn’t until a year ago that they had properly started to ‘talk’.
Sebastian was still sitting in his car when he was startled by a text message. He picked up his phone and instantly, he had a stupid silly grin on his face.
Mark: Hey, I had a pretty good time. If you’re feeling up for it, come over for a movie?
Sebastian: Yeah, course. I’ll be right behind you.
Sebastian didn’t question why Mark had only said “pretty good” and not fun or great. He also didn’t bother to ask why Mark hadn’t sent him his address, he knew where he lived like it was a second home, because throughout these years, it had been. Within 20 minutes Sebastian was following behind Mark on the familiar country roads, playing the Beatles to keep himself entertained during the drive.
Sebastian parked his car next to Mark, turned off his car, and went to meet him at his front door. They made their way inside to be greeted by Mark's two dogs Simba and Shadow. The dogs jumped excitedly after seeing the familiar blond man's face, Seb just as happy giving them both a nice petting.
“Daft things,” Mark said while shaking his head.
“You guys are acting like you’ve not seen me in ages.”
Simba had gone around the back of Sebs legs, pushing slightly causing him to fall. Sebastian was laughing now, the dogs still jumping around him.
“Boys, shoo!”
Mark wasn’t really upset with the dogs, he was just happy to see him smiling. After a minute Mark reached a hand out to Seb helping him to his feet. Sebastian brushed off his pants still catching his breath from all the laughing, Mark gave up and joined Seb in laughing. When Sebastian had determined that he was clean enough they made their way to the kitchen, Seb sitting down at the island, Mark standing across from him.
“So, snacks? I've got popcorn, tea too if you’d like?”
“Ah, I’m not all that hungry but if you want. And tea would be okay, no sugar please.”
Mark chose not to comment on the fact that Sebastian hadn’t even taken a bite of his salad, but he did make a mental note of it.
Seb made his way to the sitting room, picking up the controller. Him and Mark had decided on watching some new movie that had come out on DVD. He set on the movie and paused it before it could start, deciding to go to Mark in the kitchen rather than to wait alone and make a fuss over the dogs.
Mark was still in the kitchen staring at the kettle with the water as if that would make it boil faster. Then he felt a shoulder nudge into his, Seb.
“Hey there, switched on the movie yet?”
“Yup. I’m waiting for you now.”
They stood shoulder to shoulder for a while, neither of them speaking. The kettle made a noise which was Mark's cue to pour the water. He moved away from Seb grabbing two cups and pouring it in. After he was done he handed one to Seb and they made their way to the couch sitting down. Mark sat on the right with Seb to his left shifting his legs up to fully rest his body against the couch. Seb had taken a sip or two of his tea and left the rest to go cold on the table. Mark, again, noted this down in his head. What he also didn’t say aloud was that Sebastian was still in his sweater, though Markhad brought Sebastians, Seb didn’t opt for taking off Marks.
No more than thirty minutes into the film Mark felt a weight fall on his shoulder. He turned to see Sebastian resting against him, chest moving up and down in a calming rhythm. They weren’t due into the factory tomorrow so Mark hoped that Seb would have a good lie in. He also figured that Seb staying the night wouldn’t matter, he’d stayed over before, it wasn’t that out of the ordinary. They’d both had a long day, Seb more than him, so him dropping off this quickly didn’t come as much of a shock to Mark. But he knew he couldn’t just let Sebastian lay on him, as cute as he looked, he knew it must be uncomfortable so he had to find a way to move him without waking him.
Mark finally decided what to do so he took a deep breath and stood with one hand against his shoulder to keep Seb upright. He paused for a second to make sure he hadn’t woken him. When Mark saw he didn’t, he shifted the hand that was around his shoulder to behind his back and his other arm under Sebs legs. Still not waking, Mark lifted him up and slowly made his way up the stairs and to the spare room that was really just a roundabout way of saying ‘Sebastian's room.’ They really weren’t shy with staying the night with each other, more so Seb at Marks rather than the other way around. Whether it was because of late nights at the factory had them both knackered to the point that any bed would do them good.
It wasn’t until Mark had walked into the room and placed Seb on the bed did he finally stir.
“Mmh?”
God, if only Sebastian could see Mark through his eyes. To Mark, he was perfect. The way his blond hair curled, the pout he would get if he was confused or upset, and of course his favorite, Sebastians cerulean eyes that had streaks of light and dark. They were the most beautiful eyes Mark had ever seen. He didn’t understand how someone could be so captivating. Just his smile alone made him feel weak. It was the type of smile that took up his whole face, lighting up the whole room just with one flash of his grin.
He finally remembered to answer Sebastian.
“Nothing mate, just go back to sleep.”
Sebastian finally realized what was going on and forced himself to take a deep breath to properly wake up. Not remembering falling asleep, nor walking up the stairs, he felt flushed at the implications of how he got up here in his bed. He huffed a breath and sat up swinging his feet over the edge of the bed.
“No, ah Mark, it's fine.”
Sebastian's voice was laced with tiredness, he rubbed at his eyes, which made Mark see him cuter than he already did. Back to the situation at hand, Mark knew Seb wanted to stay, but he also knew that he wasn’t going to admit that to him so he would need to take the lead in ‘convincing’ Seb to stay. In the end he knew would say yes, he always did.
But what didn’t always happen was Sebastian having nightmares. Nightmares of his past, of what he went through, of what no matter how hard he tried he could never let it go. And Mark couldn’t blame him. When Sebastian had first told him first told him about everything he wasn’t sure how to react, the only thing he thought to do was to hold Sebastian tight and tell him it would all be alright. They had spent the night like that.
But again, this wasn’t common, so when Mark was woken up by a knock at his door, he was a bit dazed but it only took him a few seconds for his brain to catch up. He slid out of his bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes making his way over to the door. Mark stopped just short of the door handle, listening to the quiet crying outside his door. He knew why Seb was there and he knew how to deal with it. So without giving it a second thought he opened the door and pulled Sebastian into his arms, wrapping his arms around the trembling man in front of him.
*Sebastian had woken up not knowing the time, only knowing what he had just relieved in his head, only thinking that he wasn't safe. He wasn’t thinking properly, the only thing he knew was that he needed Mark and he needed him now. He was crying when he had stood up, feeling shaky and unequivocally scared, stumbling towards Mark's door.
Mark was sitting on his bed with Sebastian half in his lap curled into Mark's shoulder. Sebastian was still crying, clinging to Mark's shirt like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. This was one of the worst post-nightmare situations he's had to help Seb with. He wasn’t calming down and his breathing was only picking up its pace. Mark carded his hand through Sebastian's unruly curls hoping that Seb would find some comfort in the action.
“Sebastian. Sebastian, look at me, please look at me.”
Mark was desperate for him to listen, as much as it was taking a toll on Sebastian, it hurt Mark too. He cared for Seb a lot more than he would like to say. He would do anything for him, he hated to see him upset, and right now seeing Sebastian like this was breaking his heart. He didn’t understand how these episodes just hit Seb, he could be fine one second and the next he would be like this.
“Sebastian please. Just look at me.”
Sebastian was slipping away and Mark didn’t know what to do. He tried to keep his voice steady to not pass on any of his nerves to Sebastian, he didn’t want to make him feel any worse than he was. Seeing that Seb still wasn’t responding, Mark moved his spare hand under Sebs chin to lift his head away from his chest to angle it to look up at him.
“Seb, breathe, just breathe with me.”
He took Sebs hand and placed it on his chest to get Seb to feel and copy his movement. And much to Mark's relife, he did. Sebastian took a quick breath which was then followed by a few deep ones. By the end of it, Seb still had tears trailing down his face but his breathing was finally regulated. Lord was he exhausted. Having attacks like these was very taxing on his body and it hit him immediately. Seb sat still against Mark, his breathing slowing. Mark had had Seb fall asleep around him plenty of times to know when he was tired and or about to fall asleep.
Five minutes later they were still sitting on the edge of Mark's bed. Sebastian's eyes struggling to stay open, Mark noticing. He sighed and tapped Sebs shoulder, only getting a hum in reply. That was Sebs way of telling Mark to take charge. In a way, this was reassuring to Mark. He knew that Seb had a rather difficult time trusting people, especially in the way that he trusted Mark.
Finally listening to Sebs request, Mark pulled back the sheets and laid Seb down before joining him. Sebastian had quickly shifted to lay his head on Mark's chest, letting out a puff of air as he settled in. They were both tired, they could talk about it in the morning if Sebastian felt up to it, but right now, their main concern was getting some rest.
“Sleep well Seb,” Mark said while still running his hand over Sebastian's head.
Instead of getting a verbal response back, the grip Seb had around Mark's waist tightened. Mark chuckled silently to himself before joining Seb and dropping off.
***
It was months later, the season had broken for the summer, Seb and Mark couldn't be more relieved. They had finally told each other about the very obvious feelings that they had for each other. This was their first summer truly together and they were glad to spend it by their counterparts' side. Though one issue that Mark had started to pick up on more than he already had, was Sebastian's eating patterns. More specifically his lack of eating. But beyond the low intake of food Mark saw, he had nothing else to go off of so confronting Sebastian any more than just saying “Wanna eat a bit more?” wasn’t going to do much. For now at least he had stopped the cutting and anytime he felt a sort of urge, Mark was there to calm him.
Putting that aside, to celebrate their first night off, Mark had made a reservation at an Italian restaurant in the local village. He knew that even though Sebastian wasn’t much of an eater, he tended to eat Italian cuisine a little more than the others. When he told Sebastian he gave him a smile that didn’t entirely reach his eyes. He wasn’t sure what about eating came as a struggle to Sebastian. He didn’t seem like the type to be a picky eater.
Despite this, they had dressed up and made their way to the restaurant, its name “The Italian Sul Lago Milton Keynes.” It seemed good enough and it wasn’t too far of a drive so within fifteen minutes they reached their destination. Mark stepped out of the car and walked around to the side to open the door for Sebastian. They walked in, hand in hand, giving their name for the reservation. As they sat, they both hung their jackets at the back of their chairs.
Mark handed Sebastian a menu hoping that he would at least order something other than a salad or something else that was far from filling. But, as Mark already knew, Seb had ordered something called an “insalata mista”. It wasn't Mark's cup of tea but as long as Seb actually ate a good portion of it, he didn't care if it was a whole pizza he ate.
When the food came Sebastian was thinking that he should really try and eat the food. He wasn’t blind, he saw the look Mark had on his face everytime Seb would put down his fork after barely touching his meal and saying “I’m full”. The waiter placed down his salad and Mark’s pasta, Seb taking in a breath preparing himself. He felt bad for not telling Mark. He didn’t forget the promise he had made to Mark a few months ago, so with Seb not telling him, he felt like he was lying. It would be okay though, they could talk about it later when they went back home, it would all be okay.
Is what Sebastian thought. The second he took a bite of his food, his stomach turned. But if he could just take five more bites, five more it would be okay. He would make Mark happy and it would be fine. Another bite, Mark seemed pleased to see him eating more than one bite of his food, and Seb would be happy if it weren’t for the lump he could feel building at the back of his throat. Two more, Two more bites, he wasn’t sure if he looked ill or not, but the way Mark was looking at him was a look that reminded him of that day back in March at, coincidentally, another restaurant. The last fork full was half way to Sebastian's mouth, along with that came tears Seb was sure must be visible in his eyes now.
He put his fork down and rushed out a quick ‘sorry Liebling, be right back’ before running to the bathroom. He pushed open the door to the handicap stall and knelt down, the tears already coming out. Sebastian held onto the base of the toilet bowl coughing a bit which was swiftly followed by him throwing up the remnants of the salad into it. He was sobbing now, the smell not helping him. Sebastian coughed up more of his meal until his stomach was empty, empty of food that was. He was still puking, but now only the glass of water he drank supplied the bile. In the back of his crying and pausing to cough, he heard the bathroom door swing open.
*Mark sat at the table a little dumbfounded seeing as Seb had just abruptly stood up and sped off to the bathroom. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining things or not, but if he wasn’t, then he was almost 100% guaranteed that Sebastian looked on the verge of tears as he stood. All he heard him mutter before he ran off was an apology and a promise to be back soon. So he listened, he went against his instinct and he sat there waiting. Though after seven minutes had passed and there was no sign of Seb, he stood up and made his way to the bathroom just to make sure that he was okay.
Pushing open the door to the bathroom, Mark was immediately met with a faint sound of crying and a very prominent noise that almost sounded like gagging? It wasn’t until he looked at the bottom of the stalls did he see the familiar shoes and pants knelt down on the floor of the last stall. He quickly made his way over to the stall before knocking on the door and trying to plead with Seb to open the door.
“Sebastian? Sebastian mate, can you please open the door?”
He was so stupid, fucking idiot. How could he not have realized it sooner. All the skipped meals, the “I’m not hungry”s’, or ‘I already ate’. All the excuses he could think of and he still couldn’t reach the conclusion that Sebastian was making himself throw up. He didn’t have time to question why, all he knew is that he needed to get in there now.
“Seb you promised. Mate, please open the door. Please?”
He heard Sebastian sniffle and then shuffle towards the door before hearing the lock click. Mark quickly pulled open the door and sat down on the floor and without hesitating, he pulled Seb into his chest, wrapping him in a hug, ignoring the sharp smell of vomit. Sebastian was trying to rub away his tears, and wipe his mouth so he could apologize. The thing about Seb was he would say sorry even if it wasn’t his fault, or if it was something that he couldn’t control, so when he started to attempt to say sorry Mark didn’t wanna hear it. So to shut him up, in the nicest way possible, he took Sebs face in his hands and kissed him.
Mark completely disregarded the fact that someone could walk in at any time and see two men on the floor kissing, he didn’t care, he loved Sebastian and this was one of the ways he knew how to show it. Sebastian pulled back and tucked his head into the crook of Mark's neck. He understood the message from Mark telling him to ‘shut up’, but he knew it was said with all the love he could put into those words.
They sat like that for a few minutes before Mark tapped Sebastian's leg to get this attention.
“Mate, what’dya say we go home, have a snack, maybe movie, and just rest?”
Sebastian nodded and stood up feeling wobbly, but before he could fall he felt a firm hand wrap around the small of his back, keeping him upright. It was Mark. Of course it was Mark. He would never let him fall.
“Seb?”
“Yes Mark?”
“Promise me you'll never leave?”
Sebastian didn’t need a degree to know that Mark didn’t just mean to leave the relationship.
“I promise, I'll always be yours.”