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Fumikage hasn't been alone for as long as he can remember. It's nowhere near as awful as it sounds, all thanks to who has prevented him from ever being alone.
He's had a friend at his side for almost as long as he can remember. A friend that no one else can see, a friend that dwells within him, living life alongside him. Seeing through the same eyes, speaking without words.
His parents thought he was crazy at first when he told them. As soon as they found a potential cause, they latched onto it, and they wouldn't let go.
His friend is Dark Shadow, and, as their name suggests, they may as well be Fumikage's shadow. They have been at his side, a constant companion, and a vital one, at that, forever. Closer than his actual shadow, and more real to him than anything else, despite what other people seem to think.
He thought he wanted his parents to believe in his friend. He thought having it all aired out would make his life better. If, finally, they understood, maybe things would finally change.
Now they do know, yet their hearts are set on a falsehood: that Dark Shadow is evil.
It's a ghost, his parents tell him. It's possessing you, changing you.
They may be a ghost, but it doesn't make them any less of a friend. From helping him conquer his fears as a child, to guiding him through his homework now, Dark Shadow is not only an integral part of his life, but his favourite person on this entire unintelligent rock he’s forced to exist on.
Fumikage doesn't like talking to others, or laughing unnecessarily. Both become enjoyable when he does them with Dark Shadow.
Dark Shadow gets him, like no one else does. They share a passion for all that is dark and morbid. They listen to true crime podcasts on the way to school together, discussing the merits and demerits of different methods of dissection. They discuss the existence of potential other beings. Humans and ghosts are both real, but what about aliens? What about vampires, and everything else dismissed as legend?
If he ever so much as breathes a whisper of those things around his parents, they look at him as if he's gone mad. His interests, who he is, makes them uncomfortable, he can tell.
They never used to. Before his parents began looking into exorcists, they enjoyed Fumikage’s interests right alongside him. It was only once the exorcists began to tell them that ghosts could change him that they changed.
Now, their judgement is constant. They stare at him with wide eyes, fear in every move they make. Before they talked to that exorcist, they embraced him with open arms. Now, they just think he's not himself. They chalk every single one of his so-called weird interests up to the ghost within him.
They don’t see him. They see what they think is wrong with him, not the person he is.
They couldn't be more wrong. Fumikage is never more himself than when Dark Shadow is at his side. In the dead of night, when everyone else is asleep and they can talk freely, Fumikage is more alive than he is anywhere else.
Nothing he says will ever convince his parents that Dark Shadow is good. He knows they're close to sealing the deal and hiring an exorcist, and ridding this world of his best friend, forever.
They don’t even try to hide it. They have no shame that they would tear him from the one person that makes this life bearable.
Not when they don’t even think he’s his own person anymore.
Fumikage won't let it happen. He absolutely refuses to lose Dark Shadow, he certainly won’t allow them to be erased. Even if his parents drag him kicking and screaming, he has his mind set that he will do everything in his power to dissuade whichever exorcist is sent his way.
It’s not just for him, either. Not just so he has a friend.
It’s for Dark Shadow, and the person they are. They may not have a corporal form anymore, but they are more real to him than his own flesh and blood. They’ve never told him why they’re so attached to him, despite not knowing each other in life, but he will protect them regardless.
They don’t voice it aloud, but Fumikage can sense Dark Shadow’s intense gratitude, even before he has done anything to protect them.
He can’t let them down. He won’t.
───── ⊱ ❀ ⊰ ─────
There are voices trapped in Yuuga’s head, right alongside him. None of them are his own, yet all of them play endlessly on repeat, bouncing around his skull at every moment of every day.
Disgusting. When he heard it aloud, the word was spat out, as if it contained venom itself. Paired with a mouth twisted in displeasure, it has lodged itself within Yuuga’s mind
A stain on the bloodline. That was said in a hushed tone, as if the act of saying it was just as shameful as Yuuga himself was. Is.
He’s an abomination. This was accompanied by an endless laugh, half-heartedly muffled by a hand. As if it would prevent him from hearing it. As if it would prevent the words from staying with him forever.
None of the voices speak as loudly as his benefactor’s. His presence at Yuuga’s side is constant, whether he’s actually there, or not. He is a weight bearing down upon his shoulders at all times, he is the chains that bind him. No matter where he goes, Yuuga has no doubt the oppressive weight will follow.
You owe me now, Yuuga, his benefactor says from within his mind. Never forget it.
Yuuga won’t. He can’t. For now, though, he needs to force those thoughts away, and concentrate on the matter at hand.
After all, this is his only chance to redeem himself to his family. Everything he’s been through - suffering through hours of training with his benefactor breathing down his neck, night after night of forcing himself to remain awake to memorise the family business’ policies, having to survive through the endless ridicule from people who are supposed to love him, everything - it all comes down to this.
The wind whips through Yuuga’s hair the moment he steps outside, cold biting into him, but he ignores it. He has already spotted the person who will be the key to his success (provided he doesn’t mess this all up, of course): Tokoyami Fumikage.
Sitting hunched in on himself, blinking furiously to prevent his glassy eyes from spilling tears, Tokoyami is the embodiment of everything Yuuga is feeling. He’s had it drilled into his head too many times to count that he can’t allow his emotions, his weaknesses, to be visible, though, so Yuuga puts on a dazzlingly bright smile as he bounds over to Tokoyami.
The moment he spots him, Tokoyami’s brows furrow as he shoots Yuuga with an icy glare. He radiates displeasure, with him, but Yuuga has no choice but to take a deep breath, and jump right in.
“I’m Aoyama Yuuga,” he greets with forced warmth, “from Aoyama Supernatural Services-”
“I am aware of your identity,” Tokoyami says, cutting Yuuga off with a voice thick with unshed tears. “I also possess the knowledge of why you are here.”
As soon as he’s delivered those words, Tokoyami returns to gazing into the distance, ignoring Yuuga entirely. His brows knit together in confusion at the lack of joy Tokoyami is displaying. At the lack of anything, really.
He is a blank slate, and alarm bells are already ringing in Yuuga’s head.
“I’m here to exorcise the ghost currently inhabiting your body,” Yuuga tells him, just to affirm that he really knows.
After all - who wouldn’t be jumping up and down at the chance to rid themself of a ghost?
Ghosts range from vengeful spirits, intent on causing as much harm as is physically possible to their victims, to mischievous imps, only remaining in this life to play petty jokes on people. No matter the ghost that haunts you, it never ends well, which is where his family comes in.
They’ve been dealing with ghosts for centuries. He hails from an ancient lineage, one who long, long ago realised the money to be made in the talents they were blessed with.
Or, the talents most of us were blessed with, Yuuga amends internally.
Tokoyami is inflicted with the worst type of ghost haunting - possession means his very thoughts and feelings are being altered by the ghost lurking within him, so-
“Why aren’t you happy?” Yuuga finds himself asking aloud. He kicks himself internally as soon as the words have left his mouth, and the lack of professionalism they carry.
You can’t ever ask a client questions, Yuuga. His mother’s words ring in his ears, just as clear as they were when she first said them, during his training to become a part of this hellish company, a role he never desired to begin with. That shows a lack of knowledge, which is a flaw. You must never show people your flaws, Yuuga.
What do I do if I have a question, then? he remembers asking.
Figure it out from your surroundings, his mother had told him simply. Or guess. But never, ever ask.
It’s only when Tokoyami begins to talk that Yuuga is slammed back into the present, his mind brought back to the matter at hand.
“I never asked for them to be exorcised,” Tokoyami answers with a scowl, though the malice is not directed at Yuuga, but rather back at the house. Yuuga glances back at it, too. He can see both of their parents within it, through the glass doors.
Ever watchful. Ensuring his performance goes well, ready to berate him the moment he slips up.
He shakes himself internally, and turns back to Tokoyami, refocusing his mind.
“Them?” Yuuga echoes eventually.
“Them,” Tokoyami repeats in confirmation.
Yuuga doesn’t think anything could have prepared him for Tokoyami’s next words. The moment they leave his mouth, Yuuga’s heart drops into his shoes faster than a bullet.
“I don’t want them to be exorcised,” Tokoyami tells him simply.
───── ⊱ ❀ ⊰ ─────
Yuuga didn't understand what was happening when he was shaken awake in the early hours of the morning, hurriedly dressed, and dragged out of the house by his parents.
Even if he had, he doubts it would've changed anything.
He remained silent as his parents guided him to their car. He remained silent as they started the engine and shot off like a rocket, down the road still enshrouded with darkness.
He remained silent until his parents' furrowed brows and hushed whispers finally drew the question out of him.
"Where are we going?" His voice was quiet, uncertain, but from the way his mother's face crumpled up, you'd think he'd yelled at her.
"We've found someone who can fix you, mon chéri. We're going to see him now." The words were gentle, but Yuuga could sense something else behind them.
"...Fix me?" he remembers echoing.
"We're going to make you normal," his father had cut in.
"You'll be just like everyone else in our family, won't that be lovely?" his mother had added with a forced smile.
Yuuga didn't think so, but he knew that wasn’t what his parents wanted to hear, so he didn’t say anything else. His parents didn’t, either. They just continued driving down the road in silence, as Yuuga sniffled quietly from the back seat.
It didn't take long for them to arrive, but a part of Yuuga wished the journey would last forever. His heart jackrabbited in his chest as he clambered out of the car, and turned to face the building before them.
It was enormous, towering ominously over the family as they approached. Yuuga stuck close to his father's leg, burying his face in it as fiercely as if the action could prevent what was to come.
If only it could.
There was a man standing outside the door, with this sharp grin on his face that made Yuuga wish he could sink into his father's leg altogether.
Although he didn't know it yet, that man would become his benefactor, the person he owed everything to. For now, though, the man just smiled, and beckoned them all inside.
The moment they sat down in the man's office, Yuuga's mother spoke up.
"Is it really true? You can make him see ghosts, just like the rest of us?" There was desperation laced through every one of her words, a longing for normality.
"I can't make him see ghosts," the man had corrected with a chuckle. At Yuuga's parents' outraged cries, he simply raised a hand to silence them. "I can allow him to sense ghosts, not see them."
"What's the difference?" his father had asked with a frown.
"He will never be able to see ghosts, not if he wasn't born with that ability. However, I can provide alternative methods that will, with training, allow him to excorcise just as well as anyone else in your family."
Yuuga didn't fully understand what was being said, but none of it sounded good to him. Internally, he prayed that his parents would just forget it, turn around, and go home. They could tuck him back into bed, and maybe he’d wake up thinking that this was all just a strange dream.
His prayers were not answered.
"Tell us more," his mother had demanded, and Yuuga's heart sank.
───── ⊱ ❀ ⊰ ─────
"What?" Yuuga asks aloud, voice trembling.
"I don't want to be rid of the ghost inside me," Tokoyami repeats, more firmly this time. "They're my best friend."
"Your-" Yuuga cuts himself off with a light scoff. "How can a ghost be your friend? It's overtaking your body and mind!"
Tokoyami shoots him a fierce glare, and Yuuga finds himself taking a step back.
"That's what my parents seem to think," he spits bitterly. "They think it's just the ghost talking through me, but it's not."
"How do you know?" Yuuga finds himself asking.
Just exorcise it, a part of his mind whispers. Tokoyami is clearly seriously inflicted. He doesn't have control over what he's saying.
A larger part of Yuuga is... curious. He's never heard of any ghost that is anything but a stain on this world, and needs to be forced along to the next one. It’s what he’s always been taught, after all.
Yet there is such conviction in Tokoyami’s eyes. Unwavering determination, and all for a ghost. His eyes, his words, seem to strike Yuuga right to his core, and his heart begins to race.
He can’t allow doubt, though. That would be a weakness, so he tunes back into Tokoyami’s voice.
"Dark Shadow wouldn't do anything like that," Tokoyami insists.
"It has a name?" Yuuga needs to stop. Stop with these questions, and stop doubting the teachings of his entire family.
There's always been doubt within him, though. People are infinitely nuanced, and ghosts are just shadows of people that were - how can they be purely evil?
"They have a name," Tokoyami corrects. "They're no different from you and I, other than their state of life."
For the first time, it's as if Yuuga has been uprooted. The anchor that, for so long, firmly held him in place, chained to his family's ideals, is weakening. It's beginning to come loose.
"Tell me about them," Yuuga finds himself commanding.
Tokoyami raises an eyebrow. "Why? You hate ghosts, why would you care what I have to say, when I could be under the influence of one right now?"
Yuuga falters for a second, before raising his defences. "Well, maybe I don't want to remove a ghost from someone without their consent," he snaps. "Is that so bad? I just want to know why you care so much."
Tokoyami seems to turn his reasoning over in his mind, frowning contemplatively.
"Can't you tell if a ghost is hostile or not?" he points out eventually.
Yuuga winces. "I mean, yes, but people aren't meant to know that."
"Why?" Tokoyami questions. It's a reasonable thing to ask, but Yuuga has no idea how to answer.
Because my family is either dishonourable, or not knowledgeable, is the answer. Because they seem to believe that all ghosts are evil. Or perhaps it's because we get more work, and therefore more profit, if people believe ghosts are solely evil.
"It doesn't matter," Yuuga waves him off. "I'll check if your ghost is malicious or not. It’s what I’m here for, after all,” he adds with another forced, dazzling smile.
He takes a step forwards, and braces himself for the pain to follow.
───── ⊱ ❀ ⊰ ─────
“The only way to sense ghosts, bar being born with the ability, of course, certainly isn’t pretty,” the man soon to become his benefactor had warned.
Yuuga’s parents had agreed without hesitation regardless. They wished so vehemently for him to be normal that they didn’t even care what the cost was. They followed the man instantly, not asking anything further.
As he led them deeper and deeper into his house, Yuuga’s mother had squeezed his hand comfortingly.
“Monsieur Shigaraki over here is going to help you become like the rest of us,” she said in a bright tone. “I think you should thank him, shouldn’t you?”
“Merci,” Yuuga said quietly, as prompted.
The man smiled. “Yes, you’re welcome. Though, you do owe me now, Yuuga. Never forget it.” His tone was light, yet Yuuga shrank away from him anyway.
He was right to. He wishes now that he had dropped his mother’s hand and sprinted in the opposite direction, anything to avoid the agony to come.
The only way for Yuuga to sense ghosts was through pain, induced from proximity with them. The sharper the spikes of pain, the more he screamed and writhed, the closer the ghosts were.
One area on his body had to be inflicted whenever he neared ghosts. His parents chose his stomach, and then, without delay, it began.
The man, his benefactor, now, had to train him to be able to withstand it. More than that, Yuuga had to be able to smile through it, hold conversation through it. Exorcists ghosts stretch beyond just removing ghosts. They need to discover the ghosts' characteristics, and put their clients at ease.
In other words, his flaws could never be seen. There was, however, one weakness that ran deeper than his parents even knew.
Despite being able to sense malevolent ghosts, Yuuga has never been able to sense ghosts that remain neutral. Some ghosts simply stay in this life to watch over a loved one, or to soak in this world before finally leaving it. Some ghosts don’t even choose to stay on, but rather get stuck beyond their control.
Yuuga is entirely blind to those ghosts.
That’s why, when he steps forwards towards Tokoyami, he feels nothing at all. Not even a slight ache in his stomach.
Yuuga’s eyes widen.
“They’re not hostile,” he breathes aloud.
“I already stated that was the case,” Tokoyami returns with a sniff.
“They’re not hostile,” Yuuga repeats, doubling over on himself, almost as if he were experiencing the pain that comes with sensing ghosts. And he is experiencing pain, of a kind.
If Yuuga erases this ghost from this world, he will be wiping out an innocent person. Someone who loves, and is loved in return, a person just like any other. Tokoyami’s determination to keep them at his side is enough to send his gut churning at the thought of removing them from existence.
If Yuuga doesn’t erase this ghost, his whole life is over. His family will scoff, knowing they were right all along, because he let them down. His debt to his benefactor will never be repaid.
His parents will stare disappointedly down at him. Non, their faces may even be marred with disgust.
Yuuga’s breaths are coming in shorter and shorter gasps, stuttered and useless, just like him and he can’t breathe-
Until Tokoyami moves to sit beside him. He speaks lowly, and although Yuuga can’t really discern his words, he understands enough to know he is being guided. Through breathing, through grounding himself by focusing outwards, on his surroundings.
His breaths return to normal far faster than his heart rate, though Yuuga isn’t entirely certain whether or not the latter is being affected by the presence of Tokoyami right at his side. He gives Yuuga several minutes to close his eyes and calm down before speaking, waiting until his breaths have entirely evened out.
“What was that about?” The question is rather blunt, but Yuuga supposes he can’t blame him.
He takes another deep, steadying breath before replying. “This exorcism is supposed to be my final exam.”
“Okay.” Tokoyami clearly doesn’t understand the enormity of the event, as he suggests, “Why don’t you just tell them Dark Shadow isn’t malicious, and exorcise something else?”
“My family doesn’t believe in good ghosts,” Yuuga admits. “That, or they refuse to acknowledge their existence. They’ll just think that I’m trying to get out of it.”
Tokoyami turns slightly, gazing out into the distance. Yuuga gets the feeling that he’s seeing something within his mind, just as he so often does.
“My parents are like that, too.”
There is bitterness behind his words, but a reluctance, too. From the way he glances over to the house, Yuuga can tell his heart is reaching out to them. Desperately, longingly.
He wants to be loved by them, just as Yuuga wants to be loved by his own parents. Is it too much to ask for?
“They just don’t believe me, no matter what I say,” Tokoyami spits out, frustration lacing every word.
Yuuga doesn’t speak, but his very silence is an agreement. They just don’t listen.
They didn’t listen when Yuuga told them he didn’t mind being different from the rest of his family. They didn’t listen when he didn’t want to go through excruciating pain, just for the sake of being like them.
They won’t listen now.
Yuuga buries his face in his hands. It briefly occurs to him that he shouldn’t be showing weakness like this, but he finds he doesn’t care.
“If they won’t listen, we need to make them listen,” Tokoyami says suddenly, standing up without warning. Yuuga’s brows furrow, but he doesn’t object, just waits for Tokoyami to finish. “We have to do something that will get their attention.”
“Like what?” Yuuga questions with a barely concealed scoff.
“Dark Shadow has an idea,” Tokoyami tells him, before pausing, presumably listening to the ghost's words. His eyes widen, before continuing, “It’s mad, but…”
“But?” Yuuga prompts.
“But it might work,” Tokoyami finishes.
Yuuga stands up, staring into his eyes. The fire that was there when protecting Dark Shadow is back, only stronger. Heat begins to creep up onto Yuuga’s face at the sight.
“We run away,” Tokoyami suggests. “Not forever, but long enough to teach them a lesson.”
He was right - it’s mad. Yet Yuuga finds Tokoyami’s conviction sucking him in regardless.
“Where would we go?” Yuuga asks, shooting a glance back at the house. He can still see his parents through the window, only they’re not watching now. For the first time in what feels like an eternity, he doesn’t have eyes on him, judging his every move. His parents, whether they mean to or not, contribute to that as well.
Always expectant. Always eventually disappointed.
“Does it matter where we go?” Tokoyami counters. “As long as it’s away from here, it will be better. It will teach them to listen.”
“And we’ll come back?” Yuuga finds himself checking. Just to be certain.
Tokoyami nods, holding a hand out to Yuuga.
His heart races. It pounds so hard he can hear it in his ears, yet it doesn’t feel wrong. It feels different, the first thing that’s changed in his monotonous routine in so, so long.
There’s Tokoyami, too. Supposedly being altered by the ghost within him. Yet all Yuuga can see is the drive he possesses, the determination to take matters into his own hands, and make things right.
His eyes seem to sparkle as he holds out his hands, inviting Yuuga in.
And how can he refuse?
Yuuga takes Tokoyami’s hand firmly in his own, and allows himself to be dragged away from everything he knows, to something he has a feeling will be far better.