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John put his phone down.
“Wow, it’s getting pretty heavy out there, huh?” It was. What had started as a gentle drizzle was now full-blown rain, fat drops scattering as they hit the windowpane at the foot of John’s bed.
“I guess,” Alex, John’s roommate, muttered. He was sat on John’s bed, typing furiously on a battered laptop that looked like it belonged in his grandma’s shed. John kept trying to get him to buy a new one, but aside from the obvious – Alex was a broke Uni student, after all – Alexander insisted he liked the thing. Weird.
John leaned over and poked Alex in the side. “Oi!” He yelped, squirming away. "That hurts!”
“Stop working so hard,” John whined. “I’m bored, let’s watch something.” This earned him a significant stink eye.
“This essay’s due on Thursday, John,” he sighed. “I have to get it finished on time.”
“Alexander.” John shuffled over so he was facing Alex. They were really close, if he just leaned in a little, he could probably... No. He wouldn’t let himself go there – they were such good friends, and John didn’t want to ruin that. Even if his roommate’s lips did look particularly inviting in this light. Instead, he reached down and snatched the laptop off Alex’s lap. “Jesus, Alex!” he exclaimed. “This thing is heavy!” He placed it down on the other bed as elegantly as he could, given its weight. “God, you must be ripped by now,” John muttered.
Alexander tried to reach for the laptop, but John pushed him back onto the bed. “Why don’t you check,” he responded, sticking out his tongue.
John turned away to grab the remote so Alex didn’t see the flush that had crept across his face. “Let’s watch something,” he suggested and chucked the remote at his friend. Alex caught it and pouted.
“I have to finish this by Thursday,” He reiterated. “I can’t stop,”
John sat on the bed. “Alex, listen to me. It’s Saturday. You have -” He counted the days on his fingers, “six days to do this. Just watch a stupid movie with me.”
“I -” Alexander stuttered.
“Please, Alex. Take a break.”
“Fine,” He sighed, grabbing John’s duvet and wrapping himself in it, “but just for you.”
John smiled and started flicking through movies on the TV they’d pooled their money to buy. “Say stop if you see one you want,” he told Alex.
They eventually settled on Clueless, mostly because Alex was appalled that John had never seen it.
“Never had you pegged as a 90s romcom fan,” He giggled.
“Well, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me,” Alex retorted.
“Oh really?” John had laughed.
“I’ll have you know I’m very enigmatic and mysterious actually,”
“By watching movies about rich blonde girls?” John’s voice was laced with sarcasm.
“Yes,” Alexander pressed play.
They were about halfway through the film, and somehow they had ended up with the duvet over both of them, and even though John knew it wasn’t like that, he let himself pretend that he could reach out at any moment and thread his fingers through Alex’s. He knew that he couldn’t, but still. Imagination was a wonderful thing.
The rain had been steadily picking up throughout the film, the drops hitting the glass with increasing force. The strength of the wind was building too, the aspen outside their flat shaking, its branches scraping against the window.
A crack of thunder interrupted the scene they were on, the lights flickering for a moment. When they came back on, John was confronted with the image of his closest friend curled up and shaking. He reached out to embrace Alex but thought better of it. Quick, John, he thought. Do something! He somehow managed to dredge up a conversation he’d had with Eliza at some point. “Panic attack!” He blurted. “You’re having a panic attack.” It wasn’t a question, but Alex nodded anyway. Ok. Ok. He could deal with this. John didn’t know what do in a panic attack, but he knew someone who would. He picked up his phone from where it fallen off the bed and whispered reassurances, half for himself really, as he called Alexander’s ex. She picked up after the first ring, thank God.
“John?” Eliza’s voice asked. “What’s wrong?”
“Eliza, thank heavens,” John rambled. “It’s Alex – I think he’s having a panic attack, I – what do I do?” The words sounded jumbled as they spilled from his lips, but at least Eliza seemed calm.
“Here’s what you’re going to do,” she instructed evenly. “Put me on speaker, and put the phone down.”
“Okay,” John told himself. “Right. Done.”
“Good. Alright, now sit in front of him, say his name. Quietly, you don’t want to scare him.”
John followed her instructions. “Alex,” he said. “Alex, look at me.” Alexander raised his head from his knees.
“John?” His voice was shaky, but it was a start.
“I’m here, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere,” John assured him.
“You’re both doing really well,” Eliza said. “Try getting him to breath with you -”
The end of the word was cut off. Shit. John’s phone was dead. It was okay, he could do this.
“Alexander,” John repeated. “We’re going to do some breathing, okay?” He reached out and put his hands on Alex’s shoulders. Alex nodded again and John continued. “Okay. So when I breathe in -” He proceeded to do so, “you breath in too. And when I breathe out,” John breathed out. “you do too. Ready?”
He looked down and saw Alex’s hands clamped so hard around his arms that his fingernails were leaving red crescents in his skin. “In,” John said, breathing in. He gently prised Alex’s finger away from his arm. “And out.” Another finger. “In,” he repeated, Alexander’s breathing slowly growing steadier. “And out.” John had removed all the fingers bar one at this point. “You’re doing so well,” he told Alex. “In...”
They kept going like this for a while – it might have been two minutes; it might have been twenty – and the wild look in Alex’s eyes was eventually replaced with exhaustion.
“Are you alright, Alexander?” John asked him.
Alex took two more steadying breaths before replying. “Yeah, I think so.”
John grinned. “So I can hug you now?”
Alex laughed and leaned over to pull him into an embrace.
“Sorry about that,” Alexander muttered, moving away. “Me and storms don’t have the best history.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” John replied. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“I know,” said Alex, “I want to, though. Not now,” he paused. “But I do want to. Sometime.”
John smiled. “Okay. If you want to.”
Alexander nodded. John went to press play again, but Alex held his arm in place.
“Actually, can we just sit for a while? And talk?”
“Sure,” John responded, a little surprised. “Is there anything in particular, or..?”
“Um, yeah, there is,” He paused, and John waited. “You – God, John, have I ever told you how pretty you are?”
“Uhh...” John froze, more than a little flustered. “I don’t think so..?”
“Well.” said Alex. “You are. Very pretty.”
John couldn’t stop the idiotic grin that spread across his now incredibly pink face. “Thanks,” he muttered. “You too.”
Alexander laughed. “Yeah, I know.”
They sat and looked at each other for a minute or two, before one of them, John was unsure of who, reached out and laced their fingers together.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, can I just kiss you already?” Alex sighed.
John didn’t answer, just tackled him so he was lying on the bed and closed the gap between them as the sun shone through the glass on the windowsill, the rays refracting to create a rainbow that landed on the wall above John’s bed.