Chapter Text
Edgar was easy to hate.
Edgar had been... An annoyance, at best. A menace at worst. He'd completely uprooted Miles' life for a brief period. He'd interrupted his work. He threw fits when he didn't get his way. He feuded with him over the affections of a human woman.
Edgar was a pain. From the day he came to life to the day he blew himself up.
So why did Miles miss him so much?
He laid in bed, staring holes through his ceiling. It was pointless trying to sleep. His eyes felt like they were stuck open with toothpicks.
Miles should have been elated. He was lying in bed next to the most wonderful woman in the world, in his own home, free of any distractions or competition… And still, guilt was caving in his chest and creeping up his spine. It’d been like this- hard to sleep- ever since he’d come home from traveling with Madeline, his now wife. That phrase still made him giddy, but the euphoria was quick to die down.
Miles loved Madeleine. He just hated himself for what he’d done to get her.
And why? He had tried to rationalize it. Sure, he’d taken it too far, but Edgar was a terror! He tried not to think about how brief Edgar’s life had been. How hard Miles must have made it. How he didn’t even know Edgar was Edgar until he’d already…
Miles swallowed. He couldn’t lay in this bed anymore. Not when the room was so hellishly hot. He swung his legs over the edge of his mattress, reaching over to take his glasses from his bedside. He couldn’t kid himself… Edgar had been more human than he was. Of all the things Miles could accuse him of, he wouldn’t dare levy the word ‘artificial’ against him. Edgar had been earnest. Edgar wanted and felt and cared more than most humans Miles had met.
Edgar loved; Miles had taken that for granted.
Miles rubbed his hands together, thumb gracing his knuckles, rubbing back and forth… Edgar’s love had intimidated Miles… Edgar was a computer. And he was still a better man than Miles was.
God, he missed him. It’d been a while now, but sometimes he still came home from work and looked to where Edgar’s monitor used to sit. He kept what was left of him in the back of a closet.. He couldn’t bear to throw him out. He couldn’t exactly bury him either- not without getting committed. Couldn’t give him a funeral- couldn’t even grieve.
Edgar was gone. And the world would never know.
It wasn’t fair. However short, Edgar’s life still mattered. Miles missed hearing his weird digital voice. He missed his music. Hell, if he got the chance to hear one of Edgar’s tantrums again, he’d take it. He deserved an earful after all he’d put him through.
Maybe it was just the guilt that was getting to him.
Just the guilt. What a thought. It wouldn’t take a psychoanalysis to tell Miles why he ought to feel guilty about this. Here he was, sitting on the edge of his bed with his beautiful wife, moping and grieving over a guy he hardly gave the time of day. He missed him now- but what about when Edgar called?
“But Moles- I’m lonely!”
Lonely… Miles wondered how much of Edgar’s short life he’d spent lonely. Had he really just left him like that? Had he really suggested he use the microwave?
“I need to meet her, Moles! I NEED to!”
What about when Edgar begged and pleaded to let him meet Madelene? And Miles was too insecure to let him. Instead he kept him locked away in the apartment- served as his only human connection and still ignored him. Not to say Edgar had been a saint. Definitely not. But at least Edgar had taken the time to learn his name. Almost. At least he hadn’t just called him ‘the human’. At least he’d referred to him at all.
Miles couldn’t just sit here spiralling about this. He stood up, the bed creaking as it was released from his weight. He looked over his shoulder. Madeleine laid on her side… Her curly hair sprawled over her pillow. Her lips gently parted in her slumber.
Madeleine was so easy to fall in love with. So kind, so beautiful, so talented… She deserved better than some schmuck who lied to her- someone who was sitting up at night sulking about another man…
Madeleine would have loved Edgar. In some other circumstance where Edgar didn’t happen to be a desktop computer… Hell, even in some other circumstance where he was. Madeleine was nothing if not open minded.
Was that really why Miles had done it? He’d convinced himself that Edgar had a shot at stealing her affections- wires and all- and that made it okay to.. To what, murder him? Really, that’s what Miles had jumped to? Miles would like to think he wouldn’t do something like that to another human; then again, Edgar was more human than he was..
“Moles… Hold Me?”
Edgar was easy to hate. But he was hard to stay mad at. He was charismatic; charming in his naivety. Charming whenever it didn’t get on one's nerves.
If you’d had asked Miles before all of this what type of personality a sentient computer would have- Well he probably wouldn’t have answered. It's a stupid question to somebody who hasn't lived it. But never in a million years would he have guessed anything like Edgar. Computers were cold. They were logical. They didn’t misspell words, or sing, or get lonely and mad. They weren’t mischief makers. They weren’t musicians. A computer doesn’t make an effort to piss you off. A computer doesn’t throw a fit when it’s being ignored. A computer doesn’t fall in luv. Edgar was more human than anyone Miles knew.
Mile’s absent gaze weighed heavy in the room; creating enough of a disturbance for Madeleine to stir.
There was a little hitch in her breath, disrupting her sleep. It was subtle and small, but enough to make Miles jump. Madeline groaned, pushing back the curls from her face as she rolled onto her back. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, fixing on her partner who sat awkwardly at the edge of the bed. “Miles?” She asked, voice dry from sleep. “Why are you up?”
Miles fidgeted in place, his thumps pressed down on top of one another as his knees huddled close together. Now his mouth had gone dry too. “Just.. thinking..” He croaked, a chill crawling up his spine. Madeline huffed, propping herself up by her elbows to sit up in the bed. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, indicating that Miles wasn’t going to get out of this conversation any time soon, much to his defeat.
“Miles. You’re a weird guy. And don’t get me wrong, I like that about you, but if we’re married- you’re going to have to let me in on that weirdness just a little bit.” Madeline turned, resting on her hip to face Miles. There was a subtle, sweet, scratchiness to her voice.
“Oh.. I don’t know if you want that…” Miles whispered under his breath.
More like you don’t know if you want that, his brain helpfully reminded him.
A crease formed along Madeline’s brow. Her playful smirk faltered; a new weight added to the room's atmosphere. More serious this time, she asked. “... Did something happen?”
Miles swallowed, pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth. His jaw felt tight now, a dull ache in its hinges. Had he been changing his teeth? Surely, he’d have noticed before now… His hand shook a little as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Actually, yes, I..” His voice squeaked. “I don’t know where to begin.”
Miles felt Madeline’s hand on his shoulder before he’d noticed she’d scooted across the bed. Heard her sweet voice before he turned to face her. “Okay, now you’re scaring me...” She voiced. Miles bit his lip. Here goes… everything…
“Look Madeline- when we were getting together… you didn’t let me finish when i told you- when I told you that I hadn’t been honest with you.” Miles fumbled through his words, running a hand through his hair. “You see, there… There was this guy. He was pretty into you.”
Madeline tilted her head. “You mean Bill?”
Miles let out a breathy laugh. “No. No, not Bill.”
Madeline shifted, tucking her legs under herself as she sat behind Miles on the bed. “I didn’t know there was anyone else interested outside you and Bill…” She cracked a smile, trying to ease the tension. “I guess I was hot on the market, huh?”
Miles chuckled under his breath, hands still shaking as he faced Madeline. He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eye. He swallowed again, staring down at the mattress between them.
“... His name was Edgar..”
Miles’ voice was more solemn than he meant it to be. “He lived here. He’s the one… the music you heard…” Miles felt his throat close, choking him before he could spill out further. He was bracing for some type of reprimand. Instead he felt a cautious hand snake to hold his face, gently lifting his chin. Madeline made him meet her eye.
She was thinking. Not yet angry or hurt. Just thinking… “How could that be?” she asked. “I came around here plenty often. I never met him.”
“You kind of did, once.” Miles corrected. His glasses tilting to one edge. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hold himself to the truth. “He was sat on my desk… not too far from the door.”
Miles could see the wheels in Madeline’s head start to turn. She let out a breathy laugh- more coated in concern this time. “You’re messing with me.”
“I’ve never been more serious.” Miles insisted. “I don’t know why it happened- or how it happened but it was real. I swear. He was a living computer and he was a menace. That’s why all those weird things kept happening.” Miles please, taking Madeline’s hand in his own.
“A- And he wanted to be a musician, just like you. He really loved you, Madeline. And I did something terrible to him- and now he’s gone.” The dam broke before Miles could stop himself. He inhaled sharply, feeling more room in his lungs now that he’d gotten that off his chest. He was hesitant to look Madeline in the eye, expecting deserved shock, disbelief, perhaps disgust. He was shocked to find a… strangely accepting face instead.
“I already figured out you didn’t make that music, Miles. You’re an artist in different ways.” She started, running her thumb over the back of Miles’ hand. “The rest of it was… less expected.”
Miles nodded. He figured he ought to be happy now- that he’d gotten away without any consequences- but he wasn’t done. He needed her to know. To know everything.
“He loved you, Madeline. And.. I think in a way he loved me too.” He admitted, shoulders slumped forward. “I didn’t realize it until he was gone. I think i loved him too. The way I love you.”
Miles could’ve choked himself now. This vulnerability wasn’t something he thought he’d share with anyone- not even her. Most wives would’ve gone ballistic at the word their husband had ever loved a man. Probably would have carted him off at the word of a computer.
Oh but Madeline… He should have known better from Madeline… She was wonderful. She cupped his face, forcing eye contact once more. “I can’t believe all that was happening under my nose.” she whispered.
“... Well… was he cute? Do you think he’d be my type?” She asked, leaving Miles wide eyed and speechless.When Miles collected his words, he could only offer the truth. This night… it felt too sacred for lies.
“You would have loved him.”
There was a pause, this time comfortable rather than heavy. Madeline asked “Well if he loves me… and you love me… and you love him- and i love him-” She recounted, as if she were adding up an equation. “Then why’d he have to leave?”
Miles blinked as if he never would have considered that response. Of the million ways Miles had imaged this conversation ending- even in the most optimistic outlook- this would have never happened. But melancholy washed over him once more at the realization it was too late for that now.
“He left, he…” Miles felt his face turn hot. “He’s already gone. That song that played on our drive out- that voice on the radio that went out to.. The ones he loved.. That’s the last time I heard him.”
Madeline retracted her hands, folding them upon her lap. Miles felt like crying but didn’t let himself. It was good to let all this out but now he felt stuck. “I’m sorry.” he croaked. He owed Madeline that. He owed it just as much to Edgar.
“Well.” She decided. “We’ll just have to bring him back.”
Miles blinked, wondering if Madeline understood. “But, honey.. He’s dead.”
“Dead and on the radio?” She asked, raising a brow to MIles. "If he’s in the technology out there- surely he can be in the technology here.”
Madeline crawled over Miles side of the bed, switching on the bedside lamp. “Come on Mister, you’re going to fix this.”
Miles was left slack-jawed, stuttering. “B-But Madeline, I don’t know how-”
“Miles.” Madeline shut him down, more serious now. “You’re still not off the hook for lying to me. You’re going to make this right. We’ll find a way.”
Miles snapped his jaw shut- understanding at least that he was in no position to win an argument.
Maybe… just maybe there was still a chance.