Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

On the morning of November first, Miyano finds a neon pink flyer taped to his shoe locker:

There's a shortened URL on the next line, and the rest of the page is taken up by clipart of a cherub drawing a bow and arrow.

Miyano almost wonders if this is targeted bullying from someone who found out about his BL obsession, except that the eye-searing flyer is taped onto nearly every locker. He isn't sure what to do with the paper, so he leaves it behind after swapping into his school shoes, but that hardly matters; the flyers are all over the hallways, too, and a few are even taped to classroom doors and chalkboards.

The flyers are the subject of every conversation Miyano overhears that morning, and classes are more lively than usual with note-passing and witty jokes. So it's really no surprise that Hirano shows up at his classroom during lunch to collect him for an emergency disciplinary committee meeting with the senior members of the psychology club.

Hanzawa sits at the head of the table, with one of the flyers pinched between his forefingers. As soon as Miyano enters the room, he feels a tense energy coming off of their chairman in waves, and a quick glance around the room indicates everyone else feels it, too. He simply stays in that pose, holding up the paper, until everyone is seated.

"Over three hundred of these unauthorized flyers were found on campus today," Hanzawa finally starts, speaking slowly. His typical smile is entirely absent. "Faculty have reported increased disruptions during classes, and a few students have even voiced concerns about sexual harassment. Can you explain?"

Across the bank of desks, the psychology club president meets Hanzawa's gaze head-on. "Our club is one of the largest non-athletic clubs at this school, but we don't usually have the opportunity to engage the larger student body in our activities. We wanted to do something that would give back to our classmates, so we developed a survey that would help us identify compatible people with the goal of connecting them to each other. After all, even in the same school, if two guys aren't in the same year or class, they might never meet."

"If that's the intention, why is your promotional material so romance oriented?" Hanzawa asks. The question surprises Miyano, because the Hanzawa he knows loves romance.

"Promising someone their 'perfect match' is much more likely to get their attention than a flyer that says 'make new friends,' don't you think?"

"So you're misrepresenting your services?"

The psychology club's president's lip twitches with amusement. "It's certainly possible for any participants to find love if they go into it with an open mind. It's not as if 'love' is limited to a man and a woman."

Miyano suddenly wishes he could disappear. He doesn't think anyone is looking at him, but he worries that Hanzawa or Hirano might be thinking about him the same way that he's now thinking of Sasaki. He tries to focus on the psychology club president instead; could he be gay? Or maybe someone else in the psychology club is, and this is how the club is supporting them?

Hanzawa addresses this with a voice full of care. "Of course not. But since most people aren't oriented that way, I'm concerned that those who are might feel like you're making a joke of them."

"That was never our intention, and we're more than willing to issue an apology," the president demurs. "But guys in our school crossdress for cultural festival events, and most students participate in Valentine's Day exchanges even though we have no female students. I don't see how this is any different."

Hanzawa turns to the other committee members. "I'd like to hear your thoughts, if anyone has something to share."

Miyano bites his lip. For some reason, it feels like Hanzawa is looking at him specifically. Maybe because he just participated in the drag competition? Or... he tries not to think about what else Hanzawa might know.

"Um," Miyano starts carefully. "I think... as long as the survey is opt-in, only students who are respectful of the, uh, theme, will participate. It's true that most of the school is straight, but I don't think anyone means any disrespect..."

Miyano can't help but think of Sasaki, of the confession that he's left unanswered for months. Would Sasaki be offended if other guys at school joke about dating each other? It's hard to imagine that he'd even care—unless they joke about dating Miyano, but that is beyond unlikely.

Miyano wrings his hands together under the desk while he waits for someone else to speak. To his great surprise, it's Hirano who goes next.

"The psychology club has violated the school's rules about unauthorized flyers, since they didn't get the design approved by the faculty or administration before putting them up. But the project itself seems fine to me. Like Miyano said, as long as participation is voluntary and every participant's information is kept private, then I don't see a reason not to allow them to continue."

Miyano looks at Hirano with wide eyes, amazed at how cool he's being. He'll sulk at him later for allowing this when he normally gets flustered every time Miyano brings up his roommate, but it's really admirable that Hirano can set his own feelings aside and judge every situation fairly. He really is an asset to the disciplinary committee.

The psychology club president does not seem to agree, as his nose wrinkles. "It's not like we can keep the information fully private, though. We need to be able to announce the results."

"How were you planning to do that?"

"We were hoping to use the bulletin board, the same way class assignments and exam rankings are announced—"

"Absolutely not," Hanzawa and Hirano say in unison. Mindful of the limited time they have for lunch, the two of them start to set the terms under which the psychology club will be allowed to continue with this activity. Ten minutes later, Hanzawa and the psychology club president are shaking hands, an agreement reached with minimal conflict. Miyano turns to Hirano, expecting to see his satisfaction with a job well done, and is surprised to find the faintest scowl on his face.

Hirano's anxiety isn't dispelled by the emergency disciplinary committee meeting, even though he agrees with the decision they've come to. It isn't dispelled when he gets back to his classroom and forces down some lunch, or when the next lesson starts. The school day ends, and even assisting the psychology club with removing the flyers doesn't help.

He gets back to the dorm with butterflies in his stomach. The room is empty now, but Kagiura will inevitably finish basketball practice, come home, and say—

"Hirano-san, do the survey with me!"

"No."

Kagiura puts his bag down and kicks his shoes off, then enters the room proper with his best pout in place. "Why not?"

Hirano has to look away from Kagiura's demanding stare.

"You realize the odds of what you're hoping for are really unlikely, right?" he mumbles, avoiding Kagiura's question itself. "How are you going to feel if we—if you don't get the match you want?"

"There's no one else it could be," Kagiura insists. "If we both take the survey, then you'll see—the only person I could be matched with is you, Hirano-san."

Kagiura's face is a pretty shade of pink, and Hirano can feel his own burning similarly. He covers his face with his hand, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"If you're so sure, then why take it at all? Why open yourself up to the chance that you'll get hurt?"

Hirano isn't looking at Kagiura's face, can't imagine the look he's wearing, but he watches him clench his fist and somehow that's telling enough.

"Maybe that's what it'll take to change your mind," Kagiura huffs. "Maybe if someone else tells you that we'd be good together, scientifically, you'll consider me."

Hirano's stomach feels twisted and clenched. "You think I haven't considered you?"

"Hirano-san, you know that's not what I mean. I know you're thinking about me constantly, helping me constantly, but I don't just want to be your kouhai. I want you to look at me romantically!"

"Kagi-kun, keep it down," Hirano mumbles, keenly aware of the thin walls. "You don't want the whole floor to hear you."

Kagiura's breathing is heavy. "I don't care who hears me," he responds, though his voice is considerably softer. "I'm not ashamed of how I feel, Hirano-san. I'd tell the whole school, except I know you don't want that."

Hirano really doesn't, it's true, but why does Kagiura have to sound so disappointed about it? "You'd be risking your position on the basketball team and your reputation with your teammates. That's the whole reason you came to this school, so don't throw it away."

"The whole team is taking the survey," Kagiura shoots back. "The captain said we'll do it together, like a team bonding thing. So it's not like anyone will be mad or disgusted."

"And that's okay with you? That the whole team is doing it?"

"Why not?" Kagiura shrugs. "It's fine if they make new friends, and if someone does end up getting feelings for another guy like the ones I have for you, then I'd be happy for him."

Hirano doesn't really know what to say to that. Is it wrong that he'd feel sorry for any guy in love with someone who can't love him back?

Is it wrong that Kagiura's feelings weigh on him like a heavy burden?

"I need time to think about it," he eventually says, picking at his bedding. "I don't see any benefits to participating."

Kagiura takes a step closer to Hirano's bed and drops a hand on his head. "Please just consider it. For me."

His hand is gone as quickly as it came, and Kagiura walks over to his side of the room, rummaging for clean clothes. "Do you think I have time to shower before dinner?" he asks. He's extending an olive branch, but the tightness in Hirano's stomach persists for the rest of the night.

Most of the flyers have vanished from campus by the time Miyano arrives the next morning. The few pink pages that managed to survive are passed around like contraband, as the rumor mill has decided that the survey only lives on in spite of the school administration's wishes. Miyano wonders if the psychology club president was counting on this; his meeting with the disciplinary committee only made the project more popular.

Class 2-B isn't immune to the hype.

"I think everyone in our class should agree to take part in the matchmaking survey," their class representative says once he finishes taking attendance. "It's important to show support for our classmates who are in the psychology club."

"Have you missed the memo that this is an all boys' school? Who wants to know what guy they'd be a good match with?"

"It sounds kind of fun," Tashiro muses. "It's not like you actually have to date the person they pair you with. But you might have chemistry!"

The class rep nods. "The more people in the school that do it, the more interesting and specific the results will be," he points out. "It could be a good way to meet someone similar to you that you normally wouldn't run into."

"What about Kuresawa? He has a girlfriend!"

"I've talked it over with her, and she's excited to see who I'm paired up with," Kuresawa responds, readjusting his glasses. "Actually, she already helped me fill it out last night."

Several people have opinions about that, most of the variety that Kuresawa is too damn lucky and that he shouldn't be given the space to talk about her. Behind him, Miyano stays quiet. He's a little surprised at how casual this is for Kuresawa's girlfriend; he's just as much of a BL fan, but he can't imagine how he'd feel seeing the person he loves get matched with someone else.

Sasaki comes to mind again, entirely unbidden. Miyano isn't sure what to call his feelings for Sasaki, but Sasaki has confessed to liking him; won't it hurt him, then, if Miyano is matched with someone else? Miyano fists his hand over his belly, trying to settle the raw anxiety that bubbles up inside of him.

He doesn't have to do the survey, so he won't. He can just enjoy seeing what comes out of it for the guys in school who want to participate and silently thank the psychology club for providing him with plenty of ship fodder.

"You're not going to do the survey?" Kuresawa asks him, and Miyano sits up with a squeak, wondering if he somehow read his mind. Kuresawa grins. "It's written all over your face. You don't seem happy about it."

"I just don't think it's a good idea," Miyano admits. "It might give people the wrong idea about me."

He's already done the drag competition, and word about his BL collection is getting around despite his best efforts. More evidence that he might be gay is the last thing Miyano needs.

"I respect that," Kuresawa agrees. "But in that case, you should know that people are saying that the disciplinary committee is against the whole idea. Some people are even saying that the committee members are homophobic."

Miyano gasps so hard he chokes on his dry throat. He coughs, then sputters, "What? That doesn't make any sense—it isn't true. In the meeting yesterday, it was the disciplinary committee who wanted to make sure the psychology club are doing this respectfully, and—"

"Miyano, you don't have to convince me. I know what you and our senpai are like," Kuresawa assures him. "But to the rest of the school, it might look a certain way."

Miyano hangs his head in his hands. The last thing he wants is to be seen as a bigot and a hypocrite. He'd much rather the whole school think he's gay than that he hates gay people. Which means he only has one choice: he has to take the survey.

Since Miyano doesn't have a smartphone, he can't take the survey during class breaks the way some other guys obviously do. He tries to keep his mind off of it, though that's difficult when everyone is asking each other the questions, trying to gauge how average or normal their responses are. It's a relief when Miyano finally gets to the train station, away from everyone's excited chatter and probing self-reflection.

It's a bigger relief when he doesn't meet Sasaki on his way home from school. Not that they run into each other often, but they do both live on the same train line.

He races to his bedroom as soon as he gets home, and boots up his laptop to get things over with. The survey is surprisingly thorough, with forty-five statements for him to rank from "Strongly Disagree" to "Strongly Agree." The questions themselves seem standard, as far as personality quizzes go. None of them are overtly sexual, though a few are definitely romantic in nature. Since Miyano had been preparing himself to answer things like "Are you a top or a bottom?", it's almost surprising how tame the survey actually is.

He doesn't spend too much time on it, and within ten minutes he's sending the form off, refusing to think over his answers any more than he already has. It should feel like relief when he hits the confirmation screen, but the other shoe still has to drop. Miyano won't be able to relax until he gets his match and they mutually laugh about it.

After a night of fitful sleep, Miyano fights not to doze off on the train ride to school. He must fail because the next thing he knows he's jolted awake by the cheery cry of "Myaa-chan!"

In his exhausted haze, he remembers that he doesn't want to see Sasaki and quickly cries out, "No!," only to immediately regret it. He claps his hand over his mouth, but it's too late. Sasaki looks stricken, frozen in the doorway of the train with his eyes wide open. Miyano scoots a little more to his right, wordlessly making room for Sasaki to sit next to him.

"Sorry, Sasaki-senpai," he murmurs. "I was dreaming, I think."

Miyano feels equal parts relieved and anxious when Sasaki takes the seat next to him.

"Was it a bad dream?" Sasaki wonders, brows furrowed with concern. "You don't usually sleep on the train. Did you have a rough night?"

"Something like that. What about you? How are you, senpai?"

Sasaki ducks his head. "Better, now that I've seen you," he says with a soft, secret smile. "School has been chaotic the past few days, huh? I guess you've been busy with disciplinary committee stuff."

Miyano nods for lack of a better response. He doesn't want to go down this path, doesn't want to talk about the survey, but it almost seems inevitable. What is he going to say?

"I thought things would calm down after the cultural festival and Halloween," Miyano muses. "I wasn't expecting all this."

Sasaki hums. "Who was?" Then he laughs. "Wasn't there a plot like this in one of the BL manga you lent me?"

"What? Was there?"

"The one where the main character had a feminine name, so the organizer of a group date he went on put him down as a woman, and the sides were uneven."

"Oh! 'Salaryman Sunday'!" Miyano had entirely forgotten about that title or that he lent it to Sasaki. He blushes at the reminder that Sasaki not only reads the manga he gives him, but that he gets invested enough to remember them. "I guess it is kind of similar. But at least the guys who agree to do this survey know what they're getting into."

"I bet you're excited, Myaa-chan," Sasaki teases. "Knowing the guys at our school, there will probably be a lot of flirting when the results are out."

Miyano wrings his hands together. He knows he should laugh along and tell Sasaki that he's looking forward to all the new ships to come out of this project, but instead he blurts, "Are you going to take it?"

Sasaki's smile falls. "Me? Why would I?" He gives Miyano a pointed, almost wounded look. "Are you?"

Because Miyano is a terrible liar, he doesn't even try. His gaze falls to his lap, where he's still wringing his hands, and that's probably answer enough. He can't see Sasaki's face, but he can feel the weight of his gaze. "I already have," he mumbles.

"You... have?"

Miyano practically trips over his own tongue in his haste to explain the situation, from the disciplinary committee meeting to Kuresawa's perspective and the rumors. His frantic energy must be convincing, or at least pathetic, as Sasaki eventually drops a hand on his head.

"It's okay, Myaa-chan," he says, his voice even. "You did what you had to do."

The train pulls into their station, and Sasaki gets to his feet. He's smiling, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"It's not—" Miyano bites his lip. He doesn't want to talk about Sasaki's feelings here, exiting a train onto a busy platform, surrounded by their schoolmates. "I haven't forgotten about you, Sasaki-senpai."

Sasaki freezes for a moment, and this time when he smiles it feels a little warmer, a bit more real. "Thank you."

The rest of the walk to school is quiet, a heavy tension hanging between them. Even so, Sasaki acts as chipper as ever as he wishes Miyano a good day before he vanishes off to his classroom.

When Hirano gets to class, he's surprised to find that Sasaki is not only on time and awake, but almost frantically tapping away at his phone. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he peers at Sasaki's screen, only to groan when he sees that damned survey.

"You, too?"

Sasaki clicks his tongue. "I wasn't planning to," he grunts, not looking up from his phone. Dropping his voice even lower, he adds, "Myaa-chan did it."

Hirano exhales deeply. "Ah. I didn't expect that."

"It's your fault," Sasaki adds, lips pursed like he's tasted something sour. Hirano is about to protest that he didn't do anything, until Sasaki elaborates, "The disciplinary committee, I mean."

"How?"

"Because of your emergency meeting and the flyers disappearing the same night, apparently people are saying the committee is not supportive of gay people, or something."

Hirano can almost feel his jaw drop. "What? But that isn't what happened at all—"

Sasaki holds his hand up. "I'm just repeating what I was told," he interrupts. Anyone else would get lost in Sasaki's rudeness and miss the desperate, frazzled edge to him, but Hirano can hear it loud and clear.

"So now you're trying to get matched with him," he murmurs.

"I have to," Sasaki states, almost sounding defeated. He drops his gaze back to his phone, and Hirano knows he's lost his attention. With a sigh, he turns around in his chair and digs his own phone out of the pocket of his blazer. There are eight minutes left before the school day officially begins.

The desperation that Hirano just saw in Sasaki is something he's never seen on his face before, but it's not entirely unfamiliar. Kagiura gave him the same look that morning as he brought up the survey again. Knowing he's the one responsible for Kagiura feeling desperate makes Hirano's stomach churn. With his bottom lip between his teeth, Hirano reluctantly types in the URL he's memorized after hours of removing flyers and starts the matchmaking survey.