Work Text:
Robert was at it again. The beer was spilling from his cup as he reached over to pinch some random girl’s ass. Cersei sipped her beloved red wine from its glass and watched from the sidelines. She learned long ago to leave Robert to his drinking alone or else suffer a party foul all over your outfit. “Idiot,” she murmured against her cup as her boyfriend spilled his entire Solo cup of beer across the new pool table. Some spazzy Zeta Eta was making a big scene about mopping it up before it stained too much.
A lot of good that would do, it already had half a dozen stains, most of them not from alcohol. This was a frat house, she might as well have left it, some idiot brother would probably drunkenly tried to suck it up anyway. Delta Kappas weren’t known for their hygiene, she thought disdainfully as she watched that Bronn guy that hung out with her brother play beer pong. Her eyes swept the room where many DKaps, Zeta Etas and her own Omega Iotas sat indulging in alcohol and generally making fools of themselves.
There was Thoros, the weird theology major with the accent, matching Robert drink for drink. There was Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish sipping his cup of jungle juice, his sharp little eyes darting about, taking in the state of each of his older Delta brothers. Varys was excusing himself from a game of Kings, the curve of his lips upturned in a secret smile. Many secrets to be caught in his little net tonight for sure, and Cersei knew there’d be a neat little post on his blog tomorrow morning when everyone was too hungover to threaten him.
Renly was beaming and carrying on cheerfully with those that surrounding him, ever the charming Baratheon he was, and still just in high school! That Loras kid especially seemed intent on what her bf’s baby brother was saying, or perhaps he was just leering at his lips with his heated gaze. Teenagers were so obvious.
Cersei sipped again and snorted silently. Everyone around her was an idiot. Here they were making themselves fodder for Varys’s social exposés, too stupid to see that he was obviously “The Campus Spider.” Littlefinger might have known, but then again he strangely enough never appeared in those stupid gossip posts.
She raised her eyes back to Robert as a particularly loud roar came from his seat, he seemed to be thoroughly amused and choking on his own humor at that. In his hand a half eaten chicken leg that seemed to have come out of nowhere. Grease was getting all over his hands and he was wiping them on anyone who was too close.
Cersei glared resentfully as his disregard at appearances. He was the president of Delta Kappa House, her father’s house. She could deal with him cheating on her from time to time, but being a disgusting slob was crossing the line. At least when she saw her brothers at these parties they never got so heinously drunk that they forgot the Lannister name. Tyrion especially, despite his short stature, was good at staying cool under the influence. It seemed like the more drunk he was the better he could pass off as sober, strangely enough. Honestly she’d never really talked to him about it, he was too much of a nerd all his life for her to give him much of her time. The only reason she ever even saw him here was because of his girlfriend, Tysha, being in Zelta Eta.
“Lollys,” Cersei called, holding her glass out without looking as her Little filled it. Lollys handed back the glass gingerly, remembering what had happened the last time wine had sloshed onto Cersei’s hand. It had been more humiliating than all of pledge month. “Go mingle, Lollys, I know you’re a horribly awkward girl, but for the sake of our family tree you better learn how to speak like a human being. So help me God, if we lose the DKaps as our recruiting partners there is no amount of crying that will save you from me ruining your life.”
Lollys swiftly turned pale and hurried away. She ended up popping up near Bronn, who looked at her briefly, and said something to turn her dark red and flustered. Nonetheless she ended up sitting very close up to him, watching him play and giving shy little smiles. Legacies, Cersei thought darkly, they’ll be the death of Omega Iota’s reputation.
“Cersei,” a voice came from behind her. She very slowly turned her golden topped head to gaze at Robert’s younger brother with the jaw. Oh, yes, there it went, grinding away as he looked passed her at Robert. “Stannis, so nice of you to come. We don’t often see you at one of our mixers,” Cersei said politely. She could be just as polite as she was vicious, just as daddy taught her.
“I thought I would cut down on time and a phone call if I was just here to take Robert home instead of waiting until he got so drunk he didn’t know the difference between a toilet bowl and a car seat,” Stannis said morosely. Cersei snorted into her wine for the second time that night and hid a smirk. She watched Stannis’s eyes flickering to where Renly was laughing. Cersei followed his gaze and saw that Loras had his arm around Renly’s shoulders and a hand on his thigh.
She rolled her eyes and decided a conversation with Stannis might prevent an unfortunate scene happening between Loras and Stannis’s fist. No need for any stupid fights during the party of the year. “Maybe you should start leaving him in your truck bed instead. That way when he inevitably vomits everywhere you can just hose it off.”
“That would save me a lot of money on car fresheners and Febreeze,” Stannis murmured, for once not clenching his jaw in annoyance. That was something Cersei had never seen before.
“Or you could just ignore his calls. That’s what I would do. Robert’s a big boy, he shouldn’t need to call you whenever he gets into trouble,” Cersei continued, taking a sip of wine and looking back on the scene before her. Sandor Clegane was skulking around by the keg, already roaring drunk and looking broody. Her brother looked to be trying to make conversation, but Sandor was being unobliging, with half hearted nods and shrugs.
“He’s my brother. I have to help him,” Stannis answered, looking at her stubbornly. Cersei gave him a cool look and pointed her glass in Robert’s direction.
“He needs to learn how to not get into situations in which he needs your help. He needs to grow up, act like the president of Delta Kappa and the heir to the Baratheon fortune. He needs more than people who clean up his messes for him,” Cersei said, surprising herself with the amount of bitterness in her voice. She took another sip and frowned. She knew how the world worked, and trusting the wrong person could be catastrophic.
“You...care about him?” Stannis asked, almost uncertain. Cersei raised an eyebrow and took another sip. She cared that Robert not embarrass her. She cared to be the girlfriend of the president of her father’s fraternity. She cared about the power it and being president of Omega Iota gave her. She cared about being envied by all the girls. She cared about Robert manning up and finally acting his age.
“I care enough to dial your number for him when he’s too drunk to see the numbers,” she answered instead. And it was true. She might be his girlfriend for all the wrong reasons, but she wasn’t bad enough to let him drown in his own vomit. She couldn’t care for him the way she should, but she could let his brother do it.
Stannis remained silent and looked at her ponderously. “He shouldn’t cheat on you,” Stannis finally said bluntly. Her wine-clouded mind reeled at the seeming change in topic, but as she looked over where Robert had a girl in his drunken lap her eyes narrowed and she understood. “You deserve more than that,” Stannis said as he studied her reaction.
Cersei blinked and made to sip from her glass, but found it empty. She cursed softly and yelled for Lollys. Her Little heard her instantly and almost fell out of her seat. Bronn had to help her up so she wouldn’t trip again. Lollys came with cheeks slightly pink and dress ruffled. “Yes, Cersei?” she said, breathless from her rush and eagerness to please. “I need more wine, and get Delena off Robert’s lap, then tell her she has sober sister duty at the next mixer.”
“But the next mixer is the end-of-semester luau,” Lollys said incredulously. Cersei gave her a look and tossed her golden curls back. Lollys’s eyes widened in fright, that’s when you knew Cersei was really mad. “Yes, I know, thank you for stating the obvious, now go before I get any angrier.” Lollys left in a hurry and Stannis raised his brow.
“Impressive,” he said, almost grudgingly. Cersei laughed and tossed her curls back again, her pretty face twisted in a mean little smirk. It was the first time all night she’d felt relaxed, with her authority unquestioned and ruining a fellow sister’s life. Wine and power, that’s all she needed.
The rest of the party the two stood in companionable silence, observing their sisters and brothers respectively. Cersei sent Lollys once more to cockblock Robert, and Stannis had to intercept a couple times to get alcohol out of Renly and Loras’s hands. Before the night was out Bronn had been in a fight, Sandor close to it, and a few lamps were broken. All in all it was a regular Saturday night in Cersei’s opinion. She even had the entertainment that was Stannis and his many similar reactions to the events of the night.
If you’d asked her about Stannis yesterday she would have said he was the dull Baratheon, now she would say he was the overly critical one. Which considering who his brother were was hilarious. It was like watch tennis seeing him watch the two of them alternatively, grinding his teeth and muttering under his breath. This prickly Baratheon was surprisingly good company, at least while she was drunk.
“Well, it was a pleasant evening watching you glare as your brothers and grind your teeth to the gum, but I should be going now. I need to be up tomorrow before noon. Lollys, let’s go!”
“Nice, talking to you as well,” Stannis said, his tone a mix of surprise and bemusement. Cersei gave him a calculated warm look before herding Lollys towards the door. Behind her she heard Robert shouting loudly and incoherently and Stannis cursing under his breath. Yes, quite an amusing night.