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Kristen rolled over, looking for whatever had woken her up. She wasn’t sure what it was, even though she had her new eyes of night. The weird hazy vision was only made less capable as Kristen tumbled off the bed, elbow smashing against her nightstand. Kristen cursed, both arms laying across the table when she noticed something out of place.
A mug normally wasn’t an odd thing on her night stand, but Kristen couldn’t remember bringing in such a small mug. It wasn’t even big enough for her hand. But it’s size wasn’t even the weirdest thing about it. No, that would be the writing scrawled across it’s surface.
#2 Milf.
As the pieces fell into place, a light clicked on. Rolling over again, Kristen came face to face with a short goblin, with gleaming yellow eyes, and a scowl over his usual features.
“Hey Riz, what’s up?” Kristen asked.
“What’s up? What’s up!?!!?” Riz shrieked, claws digging into the nightstand. “‘What’s up,’ is that I just learnt that my friend wants to fuck my mom! That’s what is up!”
“Okay, like I told Fig, I’m not planning on it, but I think she’s hot,” Kristen said, which did not placate Riz in the slightest. If anything, it only made the situation worse.
“Why?!??! Why would you need to- Y’know what? That’s not even the worst thing,” Riz proclaimed, fishing in his briefcase for something, eventually setting another mug in front of Kristen. One with #5 Dilf written on it. “Do you wanna know how I learned about this?”
Oh. Well, shit. Kristen yammered and stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse, but Riz simply continued to glower at her, claws tapping on the nightstand. Kristen eventually paused, and sighed, flopping onto the bed. “Fine, you got me. But that one was Ragh! I just gave your mom the mug. I didn’t-“
“I learned about it, from MY DAD! MY DAD!” Riz cried, running his hands down his face. “Do you know!?!?? Do you!?!? Do you know how awful it is, to have your dad look you in the eyes, and go, ‘hey, your friends want to FUCK me!??!?’ And then, finding out you’ve been wanting to fuck my mom?!?!”
“Again, I’m not planning-“
“Shut up!” Riz screeched, cradling his ears. He glared at her, waiting until it was clear she wasn’t going to say anything. “Just, don’t. Okay? Don’t tell either of my parents about that.”
“Again, the Dilf mug was Ragh-“
“I know, and I talked to him,” Riz growled. Well, that’s threatening.
“Look, I’m not learning Modify Memory so your mom doesn’t know-“
Riz seized her lips, holding her face shut. Kristen decided to shut up, waiting for Riz to make the first move. He sighed and relaxed his grip. “Look, just… just keep the cups, okay? I don’t wanna hear about this.”
Kristen nodded, and Riz sighed, backing away, and headed home.
~~~~
Riz walked out to the kitchen, secure in the belief he’d never see one of those infernal mugs again. Said security vanished as he saw his mom drinking out of one of said cups.
“Mom…” Riz said, words failing him as his only ally seemed to switch sides. Sklonda turned to face him, grinning sharply.
“Hey Kiddo, something up?” she asked, as if she didn’t know damn well what was bothering him.
“…why…”
“What? It’s a good mug,” she argued, snickering as Riz shied away from the offending cup. “Look, I’m not gonna use it when you can see after this, but it is a nice mug. Even if I’m a bit worried about Kristen’s taste in-“
“Augh!” Riz screeched, burying his face in his arms. Everyone was against him! As his mom patted his back condescendingly, Riz pondered if there was anyone who could understand his pains.