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Fig gawked at the mug in her hands, shocked and horrified. No… there’s no way her mom… Why did she have a cup that looked like this?!?! Fig cradled the ‘#1 MILF’ mug she’d drawn from the cabinet. She didn’t know what it was doing there. Was it Jawbone? Did he give this mug to her mom? Or was it meant for Lydia? Know what, that was probably it. Yeah, it was probably for Lydia. Yeah…
As Fig spiraled, Kristen strolled into the room. Kristen didn’t notice Fig until she’d began to make herself something to drink. She raised an eyebrow as she watched Fig stall in front of the cupboard.
“Uh, hey, Fig?” Kristen asked, lightly jostling her friend’s shoulder. Fig startled and spun, cup still in hand. Kristen noticed it, and grinned. “Oh, don’t get me wrong Fig, you’re hot, but I don’t think you’re a MILF yet.”
“Wha- you knew about this?!?” Fig squawked, slamming the mug on the counter. Kristen frowned, seeming confused at Fig’s frustration. “Whose it for? When did it get here?!?”
“Uh… I got it for Sandra Lynn? I got one for everybody’s moms,” Kristen explained. She began to sift through the cupboard. “Hold on, I think, yep! I got Lydia a #3 MILF mug!”
Sure enough, Kristen was toting a #3 MILF mug, which Fig took, regarding it with less horror than the first. Or that might’ve just been the shock. Probably just the shock. Wha… why did Kristen get a #3 MILF mug? Where? How many did she get? One for each of their moms, so Wilma, Hallariel, Sklonda, Lydia, and maybe Cathilda? …Did Fig want to know?
“Well, Sandra Lynn’s number 1, duh, and then Sklonda, then Lydia, then Cathilda, then Wilma, then Hallariel,” Kristen explained, because apparently this nightmare was not going to end any time soon. “Sure, Hallariel and Wilma are really hot, but being with Tracker really changed what I prioritized. And I’ve spent more time with Lydia and Sandra Lynn, so I’d obviously think they were hotter, and-“
“But my mom?!?!?” Fig finally exclaimed. Kristen blinked in confusion, and frowned. “You want to fuck my MOM!?!?”
“I mean, not now. But, like, if I had to,” Kristen said.
“If you… If you HAD to?!?” Fig shouted.
“Why am I getting lectured for this? Ragh got everyone’s dads ranked DILF mugs, and no one’s getting mad at him!”
Fig blanched, gaping at Kristen, before she spun on her heel, running into the depths of the house, looking for the half orc in question. Ragh was currently talking to Lydia, and he turned to wave at her, before pausing, recognizable fear spreading across his features as Fig rushed him down. Unfortunately, his Bloodrush experience left him outpacing her, but she was determined.
“Sorry Ragh!” Kristen called through a window when their chase led the two outside. Adaine peeked out the window to watch as well, confused at Fig’s sudden problem with Ragh.
Eventually, Ragh messed up, and Fig tackled him into the grass. From her new perch, Fig panted out a single question. “Who. Got. The mugs. First?”
“Wha- oh! Look, I can’t,” Ragh began. Fig pulled her hand back, and conjured a fireball, and Ragh broke. “It was Kristen! Kristen bought the mugs first!”
“KRIIIIIIISSTEN!” Fig screamed. Kristen cursed, and ran to hide inside the house. This led to yet another chase sequence, and one that went on for far longer than either could endure. When the two finally finished, Kristen and Fig panting on the floor, Fig finally started up another conversation. “Please. Don’t fuck. My mom…”
“I. Didn’t plan on it,” Kristen gasped. “I just. Think she’s hot.”
“Please. Don’t talk about how hot my mom is…”
“No. Promises.”