Work Text:
Kristen was in the yard, working on building a church for Cassandra. Perhaps church wasn’t the right word for what she was trying to make. Shrine? That was closer. Either way, she was distracted by the noise of a revving engine closing in fast. She looked up, brushing the dirt off her hand. It sounded like Fabian. What could he want?
The Hangman’s noise quieted, and a door slammed open. Oh, apparently he was annoyed. Kristen made her way towards the manor, only to watch the back door slam open, and Fabian storm out. He saw her, and before Kristen could ask anything about it, he made his way to her, grabbing her shoulders, and shaking her.
“Kristen! What the fuck’s wrong with you!” Fabian cried. Kristen tried to recall what she’d done that made Fabian upset, but nothing was coming up, in recent history at least. Though, once Fabian fished in a bag and yanked out a mug and shoved it into Kristen’s hands, she managed to piece things together.
“Look, Riz and Fig already read me the riot act, okay? I’m sorry-“ Kristen began, but his disgusted expression made her slow down, before she got screamed at again.
“What could they complain about? Their mothers were ranked number 1 and number 2! Meanwhile my Mama is number 7! What’s the matter with you!” Fabian demanded. Kristen froze, and her jaw hung loose. Wait, did one of her friends actually acknowledge their mom’s hotness? “And that’s not even mentioning Cathilda! How did she get fourth place! She’s much hotter than that!”
“Oh thank god, I knew it wasn’t just me!” Kristen cried, pressing forward to hug Fabian, much to his shock. Fabian was frozen, and Kristen pulled back, smiling. “I was so worried that me and Ragh were the only ones who understood they were hot!”
“Wha- Oh, really? REALLY!?!?! Then, pray tell, why is my Mama not higher than dead last?!?! And why does my father have no mug at all?!?” Fabian demanded. Kristen broke the hug, excuses on her lips. “I mean, Sandra Lynn got first?!? HOW!?!?”
“Well, have you seen how many people Sandra Lynn’s pulled? Plus, she rocks that ranger look, and I’m biased, outdoorsy does things to me,” Kristen explained. Fabian looked exasperated, before seizing Kristen’s hand, and dragging her away.
“Absolutely not, this will NOT stand!” Fabian declared. He dragged Kristen to the Hangman, and shoved her on the bike, before straddling it himself. “You WILL see! Come on, we’re going to my house!”
The Hangman roared down the driveway, and Kristen was left clinging to his back. What were they doing?!?
~~~~
Kristen was dragged into Fabian’s house, awkwardly waving at Gilear as she was marched past him. Fabian led Kristen deeper into the house, into parts Kristen had only seen during that night… it was years ago, wasn’t it? When they’d all gotten some training from Bill Seacaster.
Fabian led her through the halls she’d only seen on that harrowing night, until they arrived at a section of the basement that actually escaped her memory. Fabian opened a door, before freezing up with a shiver. Kristen peeked around him, looking inside the room.
“Holy shit, what the fuck?” Kristen gasped, gazing upon dozens of dildos, whips and chains, and muzzles?!? Kristen stepped into the room, looking over the collection of toys in shock and awe before turning back to Fabian. “What the fuck?”
“Ahem. My Mama, she was trying to avoid falling to alcoholism again, and she went through a few rabbit holes. One led her into the Thistlesprings workshop, and they made her a number of… toys,” Fabian explained.
Kristen studied Fabian as he grew more and more flustered. Wow, people were really weird when talking about how hot their parents were… Though, she would not be okay if she were told her mom or her dad were hot. It wouldn’t be because… okay, no, she did not want to think about that. Back to tormenting Fabian.
“Well, while this is kinda hot, this was all made by Gorgug’s parents, right?” Kristen asked. Fabian nodded. “Unfortunately, I have come to the consensus that this only serves to make Gorgug’s moms hotter, please understand where I’m coming from.”
Fabian was aghast, before he began to walk backwards shaking his head slowly. “You have made a powerful enemy on this day Applebees. Your reckoning will come, I promise you that.”
“Bye Fabes!” Kristen cheered, walking towards the door, leaving Fabian and his thunderous expression behind. “You’re gonna need to try harder if you want your mom to move higher in the polls!”
“You will rue this day Applebees! I promise you!”