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The worst part is he couldn’t do anything for him. He was busy, sure, but he wasn’t able to ease the burden in any way that mattered. Man the border gun, shoot the seeds, get intel from the storm border, give Fujimaru a stim ampoule, run analysis with the group, repeat. That’s a rough recap of events for Kadoc. Minus the fact that every hour it seems like Ort turns into something new and somehow more terrifying.
So like Chaldea to even be able to analyze it and create a strategy to counter nearly every phase. Kadoc threw his lot in with the right people. That being the case, he’s come to care about his only friend on board this team. Maybe one of two if he hasn’t fucked up his relationship with Mash due all the team A shit. They should probably confront that at some point if they both live.
Regardless, Fujimaru is special to him and it hurts to see him like that. There’s a lurch in Kadoc’s stomach every time he summons another servant to go fight that thing. That force of nature beyond all human comprehension.
In situations like these, as if there are situations like these, but in the closest equivalents Kadoc does what he does best. Keep all his non-productive anxious feelings in, put his head down, and get shit done. Because if Kadoc breaks tunnel vision he’ll probably have an existential crisis or a complete mental breakdown.
“Fujimaru! Take five, now! Kadoc, get him water.” DaVinci yells, tossing a bottle to him. Kadoc’s surprised he caught it in all the chaos. Mash’s version of taking a break was manning the gun in his place. Kadoc maneuvered his way through the sweaty bodies and the shaky ground of the border to Fujimaru’s side.
“Oh hey Kadoc. Thanks.” Fujimaru gives him a smile, then downs the entire bottle in three gulps. Kadoc takes this time to examine him. Fujimaru’s mystic code clung to his body, his eyes were bloodshot, and Kadoc could see he bit his lip. A few of his magic circuits had their patterns showing on the hand with the command seal. He felt ill looking at Fujimaru, how could he stand it?
“I’m ready to go.” Fujimaru begins to stand up.
“No.” Kadoc puts two hands on his shoulders, seating him back down easily. “You have three more minutes. And seriously, don’t overuse the stim ampoules. I’ve done it once, it sucks.”
Fujimaru looks like he wanted to argue, but he just blinks at Kadoc instead.
“Oh yeah, there’s something I should tell you.” Fujimaru closed his eyes. “Wait.” He clapped his hands on his face. “No nevermind. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
A million questions popped up into Kadoc’s head, but he decided to ignore them. Tunnel vision, “save your energy for the battle ahead ok?”
“Aye aye Captain.” Fujimaru did a faux salute.
“The only Captain around here is me!” Goredolf retorted.
This made Fujimaru chuckle wearily and that might have just made Kadoc’s heart the tiniest bit lighter.
“Break time’s over, Fujimaru!” DaVinci shouts.
Kadoc watches the humor in Fujimaru’s eyes die as he slowly rises from his chair, wobbling.
“Here,” Kadoc slides his arm under Fujimaru, helping him to the center of the border. He noticed Fujimaru glance at him gratefully as he raises his right hand.
Normally Kadoc would ignore the summoning incantation as it brings back bittersweet memories for him. However, holding Fujimaru up negates that possibility.
“…I hereby declare. Your body shall serve under me. My fate shall be your sword. Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail. If you will submit to this will and this reason…Then answer! Medea!” Fujimaru recites. Kadoc watches as the witch materializes, understands the situation, then promptly flies out of the border. Magical energy was coming off of Fujimaru in waves. Summoning a servant takes a lot and he was doing it ad infinitum.
“Kadoc! You’re needed at the gunner. Mash! To the roof.” DaVinci ordered.
Kadoc slowly pulls away from Fujimaru, “are you going to be ok without me?”
“It’s fine, go bust some heads.” Fujimaru tries to look affirmative, it’s not working. They don’t really have a choice right now. Kadoc’s feet feel heavy walking away from him. I’ll just take my anxiety out on the tree of emptiness seeds.
–
The fight continues for another two hours. Either humans really are the ultimate cockroaches or they somehow got in good relations with whatever higher powers that be. Because with Kucklan’s help they actually beat that spider son of a bitch.
There was cheering from every communication device. All personnel in Mitclan’s airspace were celebrating, shedding tears, and hugging. Until a startled cry cut through the intercom
“Senpai? Senpai!” Mash shouted.
“What the devil is it now?! Are you two alright?” Goredolf spoke through the comms.
“I’m ok, but Senpai collapsed!” Anxiety radiated out of her voice.
“Bring him into the border, now!” DaVinci ordered.
Kadoc felt his heart sink. Wait, let's think about this logically. Fujimaru probably passed out from fatigue. It would be ok. He took a breath and recomposed himself.
Mash has Fujimaru in a bridal carry as she descended into the border. The Nemo’s rolled out a stretcher. DaVinci and Nemo nurse rushing in with them. Mash seemed reluctant to let him go. She places him on the stretcher so gently and watches on in what Kadoc can only describe as grief as they cart Fujimaru off. Goredolf put a hand on her shoulder and said something to her quietly. She shook her head.
“I have to stay with him, let me stay with him!” Mash looked about ready to cry.
Kadoc moved to stand beside Goredolf. “Hey, you need rest and medical attention too y’know?” He reminded her.
Mash looked at him with pleading eyes but she swayed on her feet. Goredolf moved a hand to steady her.
“Look after him for me? Please.” Mash almost whispered.
“I will.” Kadoc spoke softly in turn.
“Kyrielight, try to get some sleep in your room. Nemo nurse will be along with you as well as DaVinci once they’re done making sure Fujimaru is stable.” Goredolf was using his commander voice, probably to give her comfort. Mash nodded. Gordy helped her to the hallway leading to her room, then sent one of the staff to continue walking her. He has more to take care of after all.
Goredolf’s eyes flicked to Kadoc. “Well what are you waiting for? You heard her.”
“On it.” Kadoc bolted across the Storm Border till he caught up with DaVinci and Nemo Nurse in the medical wing.
Kadoc doesn’t run normally so he was a little winded when he opened the door, “what’s the situation?”
“He shouldn’t b-“
“Fujimaru is stable.” DaVinci cuts off Nemo Nurse. “We think it’s just the fatigue but there’s some kind of magic energy around him. I’m working on deciphering it.”
“We are treating him now. I’ll check up on Mash as soon as I’m done here.” Nemo Nurse adds as they apply some form of IV to Fujimaru.
Kadoc let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. The circles under Fujimaru’s eyes looked almost as bad as his own. Kadoc finds a chair by the door and slumps into it. His own exhaustion catching up with him.
“As I was going to say before. You should wait outside.” Nemo Nurse points out.
“No can do. Mash told me to watch him.” He was doing it for her, yeah that’s true. But there’s something else to it. Knowing Fujimaru’s condition without having to wait makes his chest ache less. Championing this as him taking up Mash’s concern was easier to admit, less close to home.
Nemo Nurse just sighs then keeps working. The room was silent and a little tense. All Kadoc could do was watch him. He was getting real tired of being in scenarios like this. Sitting there, powerless to do anything whilst someone close to him quite possibly teeters on death's door. What people had he truly helped in his time at Chaldea? Just minor assists at best. So much for finally being of use to people, to proving his worth.
“Shit.” He hears DaVinci mutter.
“What’s going on?! His heartbeat is slowing down!” Nemo Nurse yelps.
Kadoc stands up in his chair. No no no no.
DaVinci begins casting some advanced magic he’s never seen before. It’s a whole string of magic circles. One is healing or mending, there’s good fortune in there, continued prosperity…and Kadoc’s lost from there. But when she’s done his condition doesn’t change. “Fuck, we might go old fashioned. Nemo, grab the defibrillator.”
As soon as Nemo Nurse pivots to leave, the noise coming from Fujimaru’s heart monitor speeds up again.
“Oh thank goodness.” Nemo Nurse sighs in relief.
“This is great and all but we need to make sure it never happens again. Run some scans. We’ll monitor him for a while.” DaVinci sounds composed though there’s a tremble in her iron grip on Fujimaru’s stretcher.
“Fuck.” Kadoc muttered. DaVinci spared him a glance then got back to work.
The room was silent for about an hour. The whole time Kadoc couldn’t stop thinking about how Fujimaru’s heart could have stopped. Trying not to spiral about how everything would end up without him. How maybe Kadoc might lose his shit completely if he had to be in this room and witness it.
Wasn’t holding Anastasia enough?
…Why is he thinking of her at a time like this?
When isn’t he thinking of her.
“Alright I think it’s safe for me to check in with Mash now.” Nemo Nurse wipes her gloves on her smock.
“Thanks for everything, nurse.” DaVinci gives them a tired smile, “tell me how Mash is doing when you get the chance.”
Nemo Nurse nods, then exits, eyeing Kadoc as she does.
“I take it he’s going to make a full recovery?” Kadoc prods.
“Yes. But I still can’t quite pin down what happened. Usually when Ritsuka- ah Fujimaru, has these kinds of magical energy signals coming from him because something has intervened in his subconscious. He can explain them to me after and then I understand exactly what the readings mean. All I know for now is that they’re similar to some gods in our servant database and that they likely won’t return.” DaVinci runs a hand through her hair. Sometimes Kadoc’s caught DaVinci saying Fujimaru's first name. It makes sense given how long they’ve known each other.
“You could use a break too.” Kadoc offers.
“You know it! This kid has got to stop scaring me I swear. But I see what you’re doing. You want to be alone with him huh?” DaVinci smirked.
“Not particularly. I’m going to stay here regardless to make sure I do right by Mash. You’ve been working overtime since the Ort fight. It’s a natural conclusion to come to.” Kadoc hugged his knees to his chest on the chair.
“Sound enough argument. I’ll take that bait you just pulled. Mostly because I’ll hear it right from you if something goes wrong.” DaVinci stretches.
Kadoc nods, shifting his gaze to Fujimaru. “Yeah.”
“Well, as crazy as this would have been to say two and a half months ago, I leave him to you.” DaVinci says warmly.
Two and a half months? It feels like forever ago he was a Crypter. It’s strange that for the three years Chaldea has been defending humanity, Kadoc has only been conscious during one of them, and most of that time was spent as their enemy.
Kadoc realizes DaVinci left by the sound of the door clicking shut. He barely spares a look at the noise, watching Fujimaru’s chest rise and fall instead.
Kadoc moves his chair closer to Fujimaru. He did want to be alone with him, just to let his walls down for a second. To be tired and a little concerned without coddling.
“You’re making everybody run around like headless chickens worrying about you. Me included.” He mutters.
It’s wrong that the very human, brave, and sweet person Fujimaru hurts himself for the good of humanity. Whilst his cynical, anxious, abrasive self watches on.
What’s stupid and almost too romantic sounding for his liking is sometimes, horribly, Fujimaru does remind him of her. He doesn’t have her icy temperament, but he has that same pull. The one that gets Kadoc to do things he wouldn’t ordinarily do just because she saw something in him. Some sort of value, a reason to keep him as someone close to her. It makes him feel like someone alive rather than a passenger at the whims of people way stronger or more charismatic than him.
Like someone who has the ability to achieve something. That he can make a difference in this fight.
“One day, I’ll pay you back for it. Not all of it, just as much as I can. Then you won’t have to be alone anymore.” Kadoc starts speaking before he even thinks. “Cause it’s unfair that you’re the only one paying the tab. Holmes knew that, it’s why he did what he did.”
Obviously he doesn’t get a response. He doesn’t know if he’d even have the nerve to say any of it if Fujimaru was conscious.
Kadoc rests his chin on both his knees. “Don’t sleep too long.” He chides Fujimaru, who continues to say nothing.
Eventually Kadoc’s own weariness starts to creep back in. The hell was he saying to DaVinci? Kadoc’s also been running around since the battle with Ort. Dealing with the emotional fallout only added to his fatigue. But he couldn’t leave. Mash and DaVinci were counting on him. Not only that, but he can’t leave him alone. Imagine if Fujimaru, savior of humanity, wakes up alone? Fuck that.
—
The sound of sheets rustling made his brain flick on again. Kadoc feels heavy and stiff. He was always a light sleeper. Fuck Kadoc was asleep. Dread pools down to his stomach as he whips his head in the direction of the noise, eyes open wide.
He sees Fujimaru half sitting up pulling the blankets over himself. “Looks like the shoe’s on the other foot now huh?” And he has the gall to look smug about it.
“Go back to sleep, I liked you better that way.” Kadoc frowns.
Fujimaru giggled, which was more refreshing than Kadoc thought it’d be. He’d been silent and in pain for so long that it’s nice to hear him relaxed again.
“A few months ago, it was me watching over you after Limbo put a hole in your gut.” Fujimaru grinned.
“As if I could forget that nonsensical behavior.” Kadoc remarked.
“Are you here because of what I said to you when I was battling Ort?” Fujimaru asks.
“What you said?” Kadoc doesn’t remember. It might have been only…Kadoc peers at a digital clock nearby. Damn, fourteen hours since their raid on Ort but he can only recall it so clearly.
“Ah, don’t worry about it then. So you’re here because I’m your favorite?” Fujimaru jokes.
The words are on his lips, he nearly began forming them. The line he’s been feeding everyone. I’m here for Mash. It stifles questions and it makes more sense even if it’s not the only truth. But shouldn’t he be honest with the person he’s here for?
“Don’t strain yourself like that again if you can help it.” Kadoc’s still in his Lostbelt 7 mystic code. There’s no collar he can hide behind. He just sort of plops his head back on his knees behind his arms crossed atop them. A semblance of cover.
“Oh honey don’t worry, I’m feeling much better." Fujimaru reaches over to Kadoc and cups his cheek.
His face heated up automatically, way too easily for his liking. His brain seemed to stutter, he just called me honey.
Fujimaru seems to notice the pause and quickly tries to fill it. “Oh- Sorry about that. The pain medication is making my head all foggy.” He moved his hand away.
“Pain medication?” Best to move on from now that made him feel.
“Yeah uh, my magic circuits had a burning sensation running through them. DaVinci and Nemo Nurse must have noticed.” Fujimaru weaved his hands through his hair.
“That’s what you get for overdoing it.” There’s an undercurrent of anger in his tone. He’s mostly angry for him, a bit angry at him for just taking it all with a smile.
“Yeah, my bad.” Fujimaru picked at his hair nervously.
“It’s not your fault. Don’t apologize for saving everyone.” Kadoc grumbled.
“You wanted to hear it though. I’m sorry for being so reckless Kadoc. I’ll try and take better care of myself, right?” Fujimaru guessed.
“Do you mean it?” Kadoc felt himself go a little pink again. Damn his complexion.
Fujimaru’s smile became a little sad. “I want to mean it. This was about the most harrowing experience of my life, top five at least. Losing Holmes, losing Romani, thinking I lost Mash, I’m not really sure I can compare everything adequately.”
“Don’t play trauma Olympics against yourself.” Kadoc nods.
At this, Fujimaru laughed a little. “I want to be safer, I’ll try to. But I can’t guarantee anything. If there’s one thing I know it’s that given the choice, I will probably die for humanity’s future.”
“You shouldn’t think like that.” Kadoc balled his fists on his knees.
Fujimaru knit his brows. Kadoc cuts him off before he can respond.
“You deserve to live just as much as me or anyone else for that matter, maybe more than. You don’t have to endure everything on your own, Chaldea can help shoulder that burden. And if there’s nobody else at your side I’ll be there. At the very least I can hold you up.” Kadoc remembers supporting him only fourteen hours ago whilst he summoned a servant. That's the most useful he felt that whole time. Just to be by Fujimaru’s side and even share a part of what he’s going through, that was enough. “So you don’t have to think about dying for everyone ok? You’re fighting so you can live too.”
Fujimaru looks a little surprised. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself either.”
“I won’t have to if you’re not in trouble.” Kadoc scrubs his face with his hand.
Why is he saying all this embarrassing stuff? Really it’s ‘cause he couldn’t handle how real Fujimaru dying felt after today. Spilling his guts is way easier than never having the chance to. Like with Anastasia. He never got to tell her how he felt. Kadoc thinks she knew, but it’s not enough.
“I remember you almost dying for me in Traum. Would you say we’re even now?” Fujimaru questioned.
Kadoc lifted his head up, “fuck even. You don’t get to die.”
“And you do? Bullshit.” Fujimaru returned to being as rosy as ever. That’s so shit, Kadoc feels like crying. He puts his head back down
“Kadoc, face me.” Fujimaru said sweetly.
“I can’t.” He’s said too much dumb shit he’ll never live down.
“You can call me Ritsuka.”
“Why? I’m not-“
“I love you.”
“Wha-“ what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. That’s the last thing he expected ever to be happening right now. Kadoc had to look at him. Fujimaru looks just as startled to have said that.
“...That’s what I wanted to tell you before I died. Well when I felt like I was dying. It would be a shame if you didn’t know. Especially after opening up to me like this. I know that’s not easy for you. If we want to live like we’re going to see tomorrow, I need you to know how loved you are. How important you are. That you’re doing enough and that you are enough as just you.” Fujimaru looked nervous but resolute.
He’s saying all that with a straight face. How come Fujimaru can be earnest without wanting to kill himself? Whatever whatever, Kadoc needs to respond.
How does he feel about Fujimaru? He’s warm all over. Kadoc already kinda said it so he might as well just expose himself fully. It’s worth it.
“Well I want to do more. I want to protect you or die trying. I didn’t get to do that for Anastasia. I won’t fail again.” Kadoc put a hand on Fujimaru’s cheek.
“Ok but do you like me back?” Fujimaru leaned close to Kadoc so their foreheads touched.
“Asshole, I just-“
“And what did I say? I don’t want you to die.” Fujimaru- no, Ritsuka frowned.
“I think I did like you better when you were quiet.” Kadoc’s embarrassed still but now he’s grinning. It’s weird but he finds he doesn’t mind so much.
“You’re lucky I like you better when you won’t shut up. Sometimes I can hear you thinking and I wish you’d just say all that.” Ritsuka retorts. “Say it.” He demands
“I-I…love you.” Kadoc has exhausted his emotional vulnerability for a lifetime.
“Good.” Then Ritsuka kissed him. It was a quick thing but he felt electric all the same.
Ritsuka flopped back down on his cot. “I think that was about all the energy I had.” He sighed.
“That was plenty if you ask me. After all you’ve gone through.” Kadoc leans back in his chair. He was already tired but Ritsuka practically made him run a marathon in five minutes.
He does love Ritsuka. It’s hard to believe he kept it from himself. Kadoc’s really good at ignoring his feelings; it's the mage in him. He didn’t know he got this good. This kind of affection is a little dangerous for either of them. Hell, that's probably why Ritsuka kept his mouth shut.
“I would have killed you double if you waited till you were dying to tell me.” Kadoc picks at his vest.
“Isn’t it worse now that you know?” Ritsuka doesn’t move. There’s a hint of fear in his voice. Kadoc doesn’t like that at all.
“Well, admittedly the circumstances suck. But if they didn’t, I’d be pretty lucky.” Rirsuka’s turned him into a sap. He feels the embarrassment in waves but it’s all worth it when he sees Ritsuka smile and flush just a little. He’s doing right by the person who matters most to him.
Ritsuka hums, “if circumstances were different I’d have jumped you ages ago.”
Kadoc felt himself burn. “How do you say that shit?”
“Natural born charisma and insatiable desire. I don’t think you know how long I’ve bitten my tongue.” Ritsuka sighs.
“Whatever, fuckin, whatever.” Kadoc lifted Ritsuka’s hand into his own and ran his thumb over his knuckles. “This might be the worst possible timing. But without this timing, who knows if we would have met at all. So…it’s probably fine.”
“ Probably fine? Y’know what? I’ve bet on worse than probably fine.” Ritsuka laughs. He scoots to the right on his cot and taps the space next to him.
“You think I can fit on that? We’ll break it!” Ritsuka is dumb and gay. Kadoc puts up with his bullshit far too often.
“What are you afraid of touching me? C’mon I’m sleepy and that chair is way less comfortable for sleeping than squeezing here. After everything you’re not going to leave now.” Ritsuka blinks slowly.
“You’re so fucking stupid.” Kadoc gets up and Tetris’ his way in. “This could be medical malpractice or something.”
“Oh shut up. I get to look at you this way.” Ritsuka grins. They are inches apart, packed like sardines on the cot facing one another. Ritsuka runs his fingers across the piercings on his throat. “You’re so pretty.”
Kadoc carded a hand through Ritsuka’s hair, “you’re ridiculous.” Settling into contentment isn’t something he’s done very much at all if ever. Knowing somebody loves you in the way you want to be loved is a rare and beautiful thing. Ritsuka’s been winning him over since he first woke up after Rasputin dropped off his mangled body.
“I have to be at least a little bit to work at Chaldea.” Ritsuka replies lazily.
“Guess I am too then.” Kadoc shrugs.
“Perfect.” Ritsuka shuts his eyes.
Does he deserve this? He’s a failure of an enemy, failure of a partner to Anastasia, incompetent enough not to support Ritsuka properly. Being by his side might be too much to ask.
But it’s what he wants.
It’s possible that this is why Anastasia gave him that second chance. To live how he wants to. Maybe, it’s ok.
“What are you thinking about so loudly?” Ritsuka mutters.
“Ah. Uh- nothing important.” Kadoc rushes to reply.
“It better not be. It’s time to turn that brain off until tomorrow starts.” Ritsuka traced his jawline with his thumb.
“Ok.” Kadoc breathes. He doesn’t need to be told twice.
—
“Oh dear!” Nemo nurse puts her clipboard up to her face.
DaVinci just laughs, muffling it with a hand. She knows they’re both pretty light sleepers after all.
“I’d say to leave them but I have one question for Fujimaru.” Even when she got some rest, the unknown variable of what happened in the medical wing still nagged at her mind. What had made his heart stop?
Gently, DaVinci pokes Fujimaru’s arm twice. Fujimaru stirs; then slowly blinks awake. His gaze flicks to Kadoc next to him, he smiles then looks at DaVinci. “Good morning. Is Mash ok?”
“Good morning Fujimaru. She’s doing fine, still passed out in her room but stable. When you passed out at one point your heart stopped. Know anything about that?” She replied in a hushed tone.
“Ah, yeah. Daybit and I fought to the death. He lost, but he’s not quite dead. Tezcalipoca is taking care of him until he’s ready to join us.” Fujimaru replied mimicking DaVinci’s volume.
“Amazing. He’ll be an incredible ally to have around, whenever that will be.” This does send her mind racing. They can’t exactly regulate Daybit in the way they regulated Kadoc. Daybit is beyond human means. She can only hope he’ll be civil. They’ll deal with it when they get there.
“There’s more but can it wait a couple hours?” Ritsuka turns toward Kadoc and plays with a couple strands of his hair, careful not to wake him.
“Got it. I’ll come back for you in three then?” She prompts.
“Sounds good. Thanks DaVinci.” His grin grows wider.
Nemo Nurse frowns. DaVinci puts a hand on their shoulder, “don’t worry this won’t affect his recovery.” DaVinci predicted this as one of the outcomes of Kadoc being left alone here. Despite possible consequences, she believes Ritsuka deserves to be young, and she’s always pro romance. If anyone deserves this, it’s Ritsuka.