Chapter Text
Charles was right now probably the happiest man(he knows he'll say this every time he wins) He has two amazing boyfriends, he won in Austria and he finally feels himself healing.
So by usual, they were going clubbing. Not his boyfriends though. Seb said he is too old for them and lewis is just tired but thats fine cause he had his friends who were taking him out. Plus seb n lewis had already pampered him till he left the hotel.
He really missed this, winning, being happy but mostly living. He loved this feeling it felt like he was actually living right now.
"Oy look, the winner is here" charles laughed happily when lando slung a hand over his shoulder. "LETS GET WASTED WOOHOO!"
surely he was going to return back in his boyfriends arms at night being so happy.
--------
Wrong, of course not. He never did get to keep his happy moments for too long did he.
And maybe it was his mistake but He didnt want it so why couldnt she stop when he first pushed her away. And then- no He cant think about that right now, he actually might throw up. He just wanted to go and bury himself between his lovers who'd comfort him.
He tapped the extra keycard of lewis's room that the man had given, and entered it slowly. He was about to remove his shoes when some9ne interrupted him.
“You’re a fucking mess,” Sebastian snaps, not getting up from the sofa, his eyes scanning the drink stains on the younger man’s shirt, the ruffled hair, and glazed over eyes, “How do you even get that drunk?”
Charles just moved forward a little taken aback by the tone of his boyfriend's voice and he stumbles, which is surely cause of his drunken state.
"What the fuck charles?! Your so drunk!" And damn, he must look wrecked if seb can identify he was too drunk. Charles lifted his face and frowned-almost a pout "m'sorry It was-- we were just having fun, you everyone was. And i lost myself but i went-why are you angry?"
"We are angry because of this, show him lewis"
"What the fuck is this charles??" He noticed with his blurry eyesight (damn he should really put his specs on more or lens) that there a phone almost being shoved in his face, he shook his head and looked at the instagram post on lewis's phone.
And he felt like eveything he ate today was slowly coming up his Throat. He knew he felt disgusted when the girl had kissed him despite him saying no but looking at the photo made him more sick. "I-i she- Its not what it look--"
"Shut the fuck up, don't try justify this! How could you charles just how could you?! " charles stumbles a bit and steps back when he sees the disgusted and hurt look on both of their faces and he doesnt know what to say. No matte what he is going to say they will still think he cheated."No- it wasnt-"
"WHAT? What charles? You got ao drunk that you go kiss a girl? You forget our relationshipof two years?!"
"She-" she forcibly kissed me, i think she assulted me, i said no please believe me. I feel sick "please let me-- i am sorry- just-"
"No, just don't say anything, stop trying to explain when we know your just going to lie." Charles shakes his head, cause he knows its not true, but his mouth wont work and he had already started tearing up, the second time this night.
The phone is quickly kept aside by lewis who looks so angry and it doesnt look good on himhe isnt used to see him like this "You cant get yourself out of this! You can't go on and tell us a half life. For gods sake you cheated on us! And if you did it now who says you didnt do it before huh?!"
Charles really feels gutted by how they could think like that,"please, let me explain" charles whimpers, walking a bit forward to them "please please" he tries to hold thier hands only to get pushed away and a sob to escape his mouth.
"Don't fucking try to play the victim here, charles!" Lewis yells, pushing him hard enough in his chest that he falls onto the sofa however that is not what hurts him the most.
“You don’t get to say anything. You don’t get to justify this. You can’t justify this. You’ve broken our fucking hearts!”
The alcohol, trauma from the night and their yelling take its toll and Charles drops his head into his hands, sobbing uncontrollably, “I’m sorry,” and hes not sure why he's sorry - sorry that he made them think like this? Sorry that he doesn't have the courage or sorry for being useless?
"You know what, i dont care, i dont fucking care" seb tugs his hand harder so that he stumbles but gets up from the sofa. "Get up, your not staying here tonight, I dont want to see you. I dont want to see you for a long time"
Charles turns around his eyes wide, stumbling slightly as he does, and staring at the german., “What do you mean? Seb? We can talk about this tomorrow. I haven’t done anything wrong, I promise,”
“Stop!” lewis interjects with a scowl, “Stop acting like you haven’t got drunk and kissed someone! You’re going home, Charles. Seb and I need time to figure out if we can ever look at you in the same way again. The sight of you right now is making me want to strangle you,”
“Are we going to be okay?”
“I don’t know, Charles. I don’t know if we are ever going to get past this,” seb growls, he sees lewis pulling out his phone, “I’m getting you an uber. It’ll take you to your hotel,”
"No, no need. I'll walk. Its not that far" charles really doesn’t want to sit in a car knowing that right now he is defeated and that their relationship would never be the same.
"No you fuckng can't! You'll pass out somewhere on the street, you wait here for an uber, so atleast we know your going back" seb hisses, and charles flinches, because it hurts when one of them is talking to him like that.
Charles shakes his head, and grabs the bag that was still laying there beside the door from morning. When everything was okay, when he was okay, when they were okay. "I love you both, I love you both so much"
But he doesnt stay back to see the look on their faces or hear anything. "Ill wait downstairs" and he leaves the room making it to the lift before falling to his knees as he presses the ground floor button.
Everything goes by like a blur, and soon he was standing at main entrance. Few more minutes pass by when the uber lewis had called for him appears, he somehow manages to convince the guy from completing the ride without him, by paying double but right now he can't think about the money.
Because, he didnt want to care about tht right now. He wanted them to be here with him but- and charles really doesnt know for how long did he stay up walking down the streets, his phone switched off. He just walked and walked until he knew he was going to pass out so he called andrea who had quickly told him he'll be there in a minute.
And surely somehow in a minute there was a black car infront of him, windows rolled down to make him notice andrea. Andrea, of course the caring man he is, hugs charles once he sees him and that breaks charles before he startes crying in the middle of the streets in Andrea's arms.
"Charles, mon Dieu, que s'est-il passé ?" He doesnt make a move to answer the man however instead continues crying that worries the man more "mon dieu, d'accord, c'est bon. chut"
Andrea somehow mamages to get the man inside the car, he pauses a bit before starting the car. "Whats wrong charles?" When charles just cried, andrea decides its best to go back to the hotel.
--time skip--
Once charles was brought back to his room, andrea made him drink some water so he wouldnt have a dehydrated driver with him. "Charles? What happened? What were you doing on the street?" Charles blinks before lefting out a laugh which puzzles the older more "charles? Mon ami, should i call lewis and seb?"
Charles laughs again and drinks a big gulp of water before he starts tearing up. "They wouldn't pick up andrea, not now not ever. I ruined it. Of course i was going to ruin it"
"Charles, i can't understand, tell me what happened"
And so charles does, cause he feels if he lets another person believe that he cheated he would actually go mental himself. Charles was crying again by he end of it when andrea sucks in a big breath.
"Oh charles, i am so sorry that happened to you kiddo. Do you want me to tell them? How can those fuckers not let you say- fuck do you want to go to the police--"
"No!" Charles yells "sorry, but no. Dont do anything andrea, its done whats done. Ill survive this like everything i have survived- it just- i want to sleep? Can i do that"
And before andrea has time, charles passes out, events of today finally taking a toll on him. Andrea knows he cant leave the boy alone, so he stays back. He holds himself from calling both of Charles’s -boyfriends? To give them his mind but decides against it. First charles then everyone. But will charles be fine?
---------
Charles was not fine, and everyone in his friend circle noticed, the team noticed, carlos noticed. But all charles cared about was if both of them noticed, he knew they did but why would they come forward of course they wouldn't. They think he cheated.
Charles had woken up the next day and had asked andrea to straight up book their jet today to fly out to spa, even though they were scheduled to fly on Wednesday. But he couldn't stay in the country, knowing that the two people he loves hate him right now and wouldn't see his face preferably for a long time.
He knew what he was doing was bad for him, but he couldn't help. He had no where to talk to so he opted to vent everything through working nonstop. He trained for hours till night, only answered his maman, who thankfully was busy along with his brothers for some family event which meant he wouldn't have to talk to them making them suspicious.
He had probably eaten twice the less amount he should be eating, only eating to balance the weight exactly. And of course he still couldn't sleep, he could never sleep without hugging someone. When he started sleeping with both of them, he had finally started getting enough sleep.
But now that everything broke, that broke too. He was back to being awake till the sun was rising. His skills enough to conceal the dark circles with some concealer. He still was flinchy towards yelling but mostly he also kept remembering the night at bar.
Where the lady, despite him saying no had kissed him. But also it was spa, that meant remembering one of the three ghosts he had with him.
It was Thursday morning that he finally entered the paddock, he usually does it on Wednesday but he couldn't this week. He wouldnt be here today but antonie did not deserve his bullshit.
So when the sun had finally risen, he quickly went and took a shower, knowing well that he'd just go now if he wasnt sleeping instead of going later on.
Charles manages a small smile at the receptionist, but thats also when he notices the sign in lobby. The list of f1 teams in this hotel, and really everyone was there mclaren,ferrari,redbull,vcarb,alpine and oh mercedes and aston martin. He doesnt stop himself though, his steps w bit more quicker this time as he walks down the street towards the track. On his way he finds a flower shop that had just opened, a old couple ready to open the shop.
"Oh! Do you want to buy anything young man?"
"Bonjour, yes I do"
Charles smiles, cause no matter what, he wouldn't be ride to them. They looked happy so why ruin them for his mood. "And what occasion? A lady? Date--"
"Martin! It could be a guy! How can you guess?!"
"Ah sorry darling, now ?" Charles quickly says his name as he tries to stop himself from chuckling at their banter. "Right charles, so a date ? Bday? Some--"
"No sorry, um its for my friend- uh who died. Something to honor him. Sorry again" and the lady simply smiles at him, "no need to be sorry dear, flowers shouldn't always be for happiness sometimes they need to be there for you to handle the sadness"
Charles suddenly feelings the tears but doesnt let himself slip. A bouquet is placed in his arms the next minute. Seems like the older man had already went to make him one. "Merci, it's beautiful, too beautiful for today"
"No, nothing is not beautiful when you are sad remember that dear. You try to look that way but in your mind you know it was always beautiful. Plus who said beautiful is only for occasions? Why not share your sadness with them. Why not let them bloom into a anchor to hold you on while you grieve"
Charles nods, and the lady pats his hand with a smile, before charles gets out some cash to pay. As he leaves the shop, he looks back at the couple to see them between another light banter and smiles sadly. Knowing he could have had that with seb and lewis, but not now. They cant even stand looking at his face now.
He continues walking, his headphones still blaring some recorded keyboard songs. He never listened to the audio file again after he got togather with seb and lewis. It was a simple audio file named charlie, with more than 30 songs on piano. It started with songs that were played by jules, or like he use to say
'Its my love, so you could listen to it when I'll be on track. So you wont miss me too much okay?listen to it when you feel out of breath, it will bring you back'
Ironic, how he listened to it more after jules actually went away and never came back. Then his papa put some songs. From when they use to hang out on weekends or on bad days after a hospital visit for treatment. Until at the end it only is charles's recordings of songs. Songs that he has played on piano for hours until his fingertips would start bleeding.
By time he is almost at the end of one of jules's audio, he had reached the paddock, he didnt bother going to the motorhome and just started straight towards that corner. There wasn't anyone except a few cleaners or workers who recognized him, but they knew better then to approach him today.
He in no time had reached the corner where antonie had crashed. He suddenly got tears in his eyes and he let out a scoff almost laughing at his own fate. He knelt down and placed the flowers on the barrier. "Seven years tonie, miss you today also. Hope you were here. You deserve to be here today instead of me" he closed his eyes, and remembered how if the said man was here now he would have nudged him and laughed muttering some french curses.
He doesnt know how much time actually passes when he opens his eyes but he knows its alot by the increased number of volunteers around the track and also the sun now brightly shining instead of the shying as it does in early morning.
So he gets up, and leaves a kiss again before walking back to the paddock.
--
Once he was in the paddock again, he knew he had taken alot of time by the barrier, but he didnt care about that. He put his hood up as he passed by the mercedes motorhome, his heart hurting a bit by the reminder that their driver,- who is? Was- his boyfriend hates him right now. He freezes when he sees a mercedes driver, but doesnt stay back to look who it is.
Soon, he was almost near his own motor home when he sees his teammate and oh pierre too. He thinks if he could pass by without getting noticed but anyways tht wouldnt work by how they were already looking at him.
So he walks to them, preparing a small smile adorned on his face. "Sharl? mon ami! I was here to get you" charles knew by one look at pierre that the boy was also sad and had probably slept late too. Charles remains silent though trying to decide what to say.
"Lord perceval! Where were you? Me and pierre almost had to call in ollie to replace you" carlos said jokingly while patting his back, however the worry was obvious in his eyes and god must charles look terrible.
"I was on the track uh-uhm gave flowers to tonie." Carlos let out a small oh, his eyes not with pity but understanding and nodded while pierre hugged him out of nowhere. "Oh calamar, you could have asked me to come too. Dont grieve alone. You look a bit tired, when did you go?"
Charles sighs knowing there was no way he could get away with lying right now, not with how both of them were looking at him how lorenzo or jules use to look at him when he was younger, and he'd try lying.
"I didnt sleep, i went like early early. Uh 5-6?" Pierre's eyes widened "5-6? Its nearly 10 right now charlie. Dios mío" carlos exclamied a bit loudly that shaked pierre out of his monologue.
"Whats wrong calamar? Don lie--"
"Pierre! We have to go now!" Pierre sighs and points a finger at charles. "I know i wont get answers until sunday, but i will get them. And you" he turns his finger to carlos who blinks "make sure this guy goes to sleep right now" carlos does a fake salute "was already planning on that"
Charles pouts a bit "you dont have to coddle me" pierre laughs while carlos puts his arm around the younger "we dont have to but we want to, so come along the way lord perceval. We shall bow before the slumber gods"
It does manage to bring a real smile on charles's face as he lets the older pull him into the motorhome and into their rooms. "Now you sleep, and I'll stay up" carlos looks around before leaning in "i probably will sleep too, but thats for later" he whispers and charles chuckled sleepily, his exhaustion of three days taking over finally.
"You looked wrecked mate, i dont know what happen--"
"Charles? what in world. I had to wake up to your text that you were already here - Bonjour carlos- how did you even get here? Did you walk here from the hotel?!" Andrea had barged in yelling, and waving at carlos. His hands on hips, reminded both of the drivers of their moms.
"I had to drive your car, you know the media was so confused when i got off without you from your own damn car?!--you didn't sleep did you?mon dieu what should--" somehow fred had also stumbled inside the room hearing andrea yell and looked at them in confusion until his eyes landed on charles. "mon dieu Charles, tu as l'air si fatigué, did you get any sleep at all?" (You look so tired)
Carlos pops up and answers for him, which he is thankfull for since he was really tired to answer. "You're sleeping okay? Andrea? Who is he with at the conference?"
"Carlos, lando, sebastian, lewis and alex? Yeah alex" charles shrinks down at the two names and he knows andrea is also looking at him when he said their names. "Can I skip this? Ill pay for it, i dont feel up to do this. I can go answer the media later on in the day" the three men in his room look at him and fred narrows his eyes "i wasnt letting you go anyways, look at you. Charlo, you need sleep. Today must be hard over that. You sleep. We can complete other meetings with our team and schedule the debriefing in evening or something"
Andrea relaxes knowing charles will get what he wants (god does he really thank everyone above that replaced mattia with fred). "Ill stay too!"
"What? Carlos, you go" carlos turns around with a glare, thats soft not meant to be actually serious but enough to shut him up.
"Charles shush, carlos please tell me why you dont want to go" fred asks "charles here hasnt been sleeping cause he doesnt have anyone to hug or with him to sleep. If he's going to be alone, he'll just nap for a hour and wake up and be a menace"
"Hey!"
"Okok, both of you stay back. We'll pay the fines, it's not a big deal. Now off we go, andrea tell the press about their absence, say that their sick or something and want to rest for tomorrow"
Andrea nods, he turns to stare at charles "sleep.et que Dieu m'aide, je ne les tuerai pas" and follows fred out the door, shutting it behind him. (and god help, that i wont kill them)
"Carloss, you really dont have to stay back. The fine will also come from your cheque" carlos shakes his head and removed the cap before dropping beside charles and tugging him to his sjde. "Sometimes, other things matter more. Like family"
Charles looks at him, his throat clogging up with emotions "I am family?" Carlos looks at him like he is mad and pulls him closer in a hug (he doesn't say it out loud that it reminds him of the cuddle session he use to have with his brothers or jules)
"Of course charlie, you're my hermano. I never had an hermano. But now i can. Now please go to sleep, pierre would kill me"
Charles knows his hurting heart wouldnt stop hurting right now, but he lets himself let go and fall asleep for the first time since sunday.
------
There is a bit muttering around the room, when seb enters. He spots lewis standing there scrolling through something on his phone. Lando and alex were chatting quite quietly amogst themselves and charlie--charles was nowhere? Seb frowns, he was sure charles and carlos was scheduled with them for the media.
"Hey seb" seb reciprocates the smile lewis gave, both of them don't look like it but have been struggling. Lewis removes his earpods and pockets his phone. Both of them last a minute before they speak
"He-"
"Char-"
Seb chuckles and lewis smiles again. It felt bittersweet and incomplete how they were here but their minds weren't, nor was their hearts.
"Hi guys, morning" both of them were snapped out of their thoughts at lando's voice and look at the two youngsters who had joined them in the corner of the room.
"Morning lads, Ready to answer some bitchy questions" lewis lets out an laugh seb scowls playfully. He hesitates a bit and shares a glance with lewis before asking.
"Was carlos and charles not scheduled with us?"
Lando makes a funny face and alex looks at them with confusion written all over his face. "Didn't anyone tell you. Ferrari said both of them wouldn't attend it today, they are going to rest up just here in the motohome " seb feels him frown and also sees lewis narrow his eyes.
and the concern isn't avoidable. Cause even if he cheated on them. They still loved him, no matter what they tried to believe "rest up? what? No! um i mean no one told us that" he nudges lewis lightly who nods "Yeah, none of my guys told me anything, but why?" lando shrugs and puts his arm over alex's shoulder. "well they said both of them feel unwell, so they wanted to let their drivers rest up before fp1 tommorow" alex says, and seb feels the overwhelming worry wash over him as he exchanges one more glance with lewis.
lando leans a bit forward "But it isn't like that, carlos is fine"
"what? alex just said that the team said--" lews is baffled by lando's words who smiles "ayy no he's fine, carlos texted me. carlos stayed back for charles. You know char---" alex stops the younger brit quickly making both of the older men look at him with confusion. They watch as lando (who was whispering ows at the other man's grip on his arm) and alex exchange some looks before lando widens his eyes in relization?
"what? you were going to say charles" lando chuckles awkwardly "eyy, no no. thats it" lewis narrows his eyes "lando. what is with you both?"
alex suddenly comes in between and laughs "alright lewis, you don't get to pry about charlie today okay. yes we have things to hide about him from you but ask him yourself, also the main thing is it's good he isn't here today" alex was smiling, but amongst them three they could hear his voice turn a bit sharp
and like a sudden wave, they remember what track they are at. "These heartless monsters would have been asking charlo about antonie like they do with pierre. " alex nods and steps back, his arm going back to where it was on lando's shoulder "hmm, good that carlos is with him. atleast he'll finally res-nevermind, look they are telling us to sit down now"
and lando quickly goes to sit down on the sofa, while alex pauses "I don't know what happened, but I know my gut is right." and leaves them standing to join lando's side on the sofa. lewis and seb look at eachother "what? what is- Huh? Charles is sick?"
"Alright, lewis seb would you take the seat please, we'll start with the conference now!"
and then something that they here a interview talk about to another makes them pause "Yeah, sad that both of them couldn't join"
"yea man, We prepared alot of questions for him too, I get it though, must be hard for the poor lad"
"oh! you know? He was on track since 6 today. There are snippets on instagram from where he was just sitting there by that corner--"
lewis turned to seb with his eyes wide "6?? it takes a hour from the hotel. did he even sleep seb" he whisper yells, his hand already pulling out his phone to check the posts. he found them quickly on his feed and saw the pictures. Charles kneeling and placing the flowers, kissing the barrier, and sitting by it, there was a caption but it was in german 'Charles wurde in derselben Runde entdeckt. Atonie Hubert starb 2019. Wir gingen aus Respekt nicht auf ihn zu, aber er war fast vier Stunden dort. Armer Kerl😭. Ruhe in Frieden, Atonie🕊'
before he could translate it or seb could read it. a interviewer asked him a question. so he went on answering, forgetting about the post and rest of it for now.
------------sunday-------------
He doesnt know how has been staying alive right now, i mean if you would look at his routine you would have been so concerned. Yet somehow he won, even from p7 he had won.
He doesnt really get what's happening, is this a joke? He had won in spa again and he really doesn't believe it how he did it with his his mental state like this and almost hurt fingers. Oh right, charles had found a way to vent his frustrations while he was in spa, he got a piano somehow by saying he wanted to just practice it.
Charles was still shakingly removing his helmet, he doesnt exactly know how he is right now here in front of this number 1 table. He doesnt even remember driving today and that makes him laugh. He remembers everything being a blur and just deciding to zoom it through. He remembers silently thanking bryan on the radio but he still doesn't think he won. How can he win, where everything in his life feels so lost.
He hugs his team who are silently celebrating knowing that charles wasnt in the mood to jump and be excited right now but thats okay. They could do this a bit quietly too. And charles was really thankfull for that.
Later, charles is aproached by max for a handshake that he does but he is sure he was doing it vey lightly that he saw max looking at him in concern. Oscar tho had hugged him and shook his hand before going to speak to jenson for the interview.
A few minutes go by, in which he takes time to completely relax himself and also to shake himself out of his daze. He was between that when the person checking his weight made a noise "oh, perfect limit for leclerc. Congrats by the way" charles turns around and almost crashes into the green suit. He knows who it is to not pick up his head, he simply walks past the man and sees oscar over with his interview.
"Hello charles, woo! P1 in spa. How was that?"
Charles puts up his facade quickly and smiles "amazing, it felt refreshing to win here again" jenson nodded at his words from beside the camera "and i heard you said, this race was gonna be for yourself at last weeks media pen. So are you satisfied with your driving, your race today?"
And right charles had said that but it was back when he felt good, it was when he was happy. "Ahh yes, got a good memory there mate" charles makes jenson laugh and gives a small smile before scratching his nape. "That was then but i dont think so. This win is for my dear friend tonie, it always will be. I dont think i am there yet to get a win for myself"
Jenson frowns "well the world or we dont think so , you have proved yourself time n time. Its time you be selfish no?"and the said younger shakes his head "i already have been selfish"
He says a goodbye and lets himself be dragged away by the lady to the room. He does mean it, he has been selfish enough he cannot deserve to claim any of his wins for himself.
-------
Seb and lewis stay together once they meet eachother in the hotel lobby. The lift beeps and they shuffle inside, only to see charles, who quickly steps back and puts himself away from them both and into the corner.
"Seb, lewis"
Lewis sighs and turns a bit around to look at him "not now charles" seb presses the buttons for them both and skims his eyes over the pannel to see that charles hadn't pressed a button. "Were you just planning to get off here or just let the elevator take you"
Charles doesnt reply, and moves forward and presses the button, thats when seb noticed the bandages on his fingers. He raises his hand fastly but charles pulls back quickly and shuffles back into the corner.
"What, charles what are those bandages"
"Can we talk"
Lewis sighs "no charles we cant, we both still need time to process that you fricking chested on us" he says "answer seb, what are the bandage--"
He gets interrupted by the lift's light cutting off and the lift rattle that made him and seb stumble too. However the lights came back on, "seb you okay?"
"Yeah i am good," seb nods and accepts lewis's hand that holds his "charles are you okay?" There wasnt a answer given however so both of them turn quickly only to find the younger shaking and his hands hugging himself.
"Charles? Sweetheart deep breaths" and god does charles wants to cry after listening to that nickname but he doesnt. "Charlie,you gotta come up to breathe" charles shakingly nods so they would lay off and think he is good.
Even though both of them know yhe younger is lyint they let him "have you been sleeping charles?" Charles doesnt move though nor does he speak seb frowns and steps a bit closer
"Look at us charles" and charles does, and its the pure exhaustion on his face that baffles him. "Have you been eating either? God charles what the fuck are you doing?!"
Charles laughs, like a straight up laugh and lets his hands fall back to his side "don't do that"
"What?"
Charles shakes his head, when the lift's beep surprises seb and lewis,meanwhile charles walks past them "Bye, I just love you...okay." thats all they get before charles walks out of the elevator.
The last they could see was charles practically falling on his knees near his door when the elevator's own doors started shutting. "Charles!"
-----
It hurt, everything hurt. He cant do this anymore, he really feels like drowning and he wants to breathe but he can't, not by the way he was crying. But it hurt so much, he wasn't mad at them, he was mad that he himself could speak it out loud, that they couldn't let him explain.
Honestly he was done, he was done with being alone, he was done with feeling like this. If only he could just fucking end it all and be over with it-
"charles! Dios mio, what the fuck happened?!" The Spanish accent made charles look up at the blurry figure of his teammate. "What? Carlos why are you-- cha? Oh my god, what happened?" The British accent makes itself known and charles knows its lando by the quick view he gets of the brit who was kneeling infront of him holding charles's shoulders.
"I dont know, fuck! He is shivering, cmon lets bring him first"
For charles the few minutes go by as a blur, as charles is quickly brought in Carlos's room and on the bed. Charles gives in and starts sobbing, his body trembling due to it
"Oh charlo" lando was quick to take him his arms and bring his head so that it was burried in the brit's neck. His crying tho hadnt subdued. "Cariño, please tell us something"
Charles shakes his head "pierre too" and carlos nods quickly "jorder! Yes si,, ill call him"charles quiets a bit down but doesnt move from his spot, his tears still falling silently this time.
"Charlie? tesoro, pierre is in maranello. He cant be here before evening love. He wants to really but he can--"
"Danny! Please danny. I dont want to be alone"
Lando hugs him tighter "oh cha, you're not alone. Not anymore baby, i promise" while carlos manages to get in contact with Daniel.
"Si, yes its charles. Mierda, dan just get the fuck here already" thats all charles listens before there is a knock on his door. Carlos looks from the peep hole, he pauses and bites his lip bwfore turning back to charles and lando. "Its seb and lewis, charles do you want them?"
"No, no no. Please not-juwt dont mention me" carlos is so confused, he doesnt understand why charles doesnt want them both to see him like this but he cares about charles's feelings more so he nods and opens the door a bit only that he is only seen from out.
"Hola guys, what's up"
Both of them appear a bit worried "carlos, have you seen charles?"
Carlos shakes his head "nope, havent seen him yet" seb runs a hand through his hair "I- no but we were in the elevator together and he got off on this floor," carlos bites his inner cheek but lies "ahh no no, I think he is with fred, don't worry he's fine--"
"CARLOS!" the spainard snaps his head toward the new voice only to find max and daniel rushing to him in a hurry "what-"
"Dan! Max! Good, now we can start with the game" daniel's eyebrows rise up and frowns "what the fuck are you--oh"
"Seb. Lewis" max manages to nudge Daniel in his ribs before he speaks out. Daniel is confused though, cause why the fuck aren't they mentioning charles infront of the two? All of them know they are dating. But he keeps to himself. "Yup guys, good day. Anyways i am ready to absolutely smash lando in fifa. So cmon"
Carlos laughs in relief and pats the australian's back loudly "bye guys" His sharp tone is obviously visible by how max and daniel look at carlos in amusement.
"Yeah fine, I'll still check the room. We do have a spare in our room. Anyways bye guys"
Carlos doesnt wait for them to leave once danieal and max enters his room, he just slams it shut and pushes both of them inside the room.
Daniel sees charles burried into lando's side and the red flags start waving in his head. "Charlie?"
Charles, upon hearing the familar voice pulls back and snaps his head towards the aussie. He's eyes fills up with tears which is so stupid, he doesnt want to cry, not infront of danny. But he doesn't want to be alone, he hates that feeling.
"Oh cha, baby" daniel's protective instincts had obviously switched on since the call he received but seeing charles like this made the feeling more bigger. "Dan- I can't! I can't anymore danny. It hurts, I dont want to be alone please please dont-" In the end charles gives in and starts sobbing in daniel's arms, his cries were broken but gut wrenching.
Lando had his eyes wide and shuffled to get as closer to the monegasque. Carlos and max exchanged a worried glance "what the fuck happened? He is supposed to be happy today" max whisper yelled carlos shook his head "i dont know mate! I found him sobbing outside in the hallway, my heart was and is breaking to see him like this again max"
Both of them finally moved towards the bed, so that max was on daniel's side infront of him and carlos beside him. "Charlie, love. Try to come up for air sweetheart please" daniel's arms were tightly around the boy, his one hand brushing the younger's hair.
"Here cha, match my breathing" lando placed charles's hand on his own heart, and started taking deep slow breaths. It took a while before the younger stopped hyperventilating finally. Daniel didnt let him go though, he kept swaying a bit and muttering inaudible reassurances and lando also had his hand tight over charles's from where it was on his own chest.
"Cha, look at me" daniel's removed his fave from where it was hiding so he was looking directly into his own eyes and Daniel saw the dark circles underneath his eyes, the drained emotion in his eyes. "Cmon baby, I can't help you if you dont give me context"
Charles took a breath in and sighed "last week, I won right. Then like usual we went to celebrate at some club. Me, lando, alex, george, pierre n all. Remember?" Lando nodded "of course i do charlie, you looked so happy. Had that winner glow and stuff" charles managed to give a small smile.
"Things don't last like that do they. Later on, we got totally wasted, all of us. It was almost my time to go back when I met this lady. I think, a model i dont know." Charles's breath hitched as he continued "she kissed me, and i was like totally drunk. But-but! I still pushed her off, and kept saying no! I said no, I was almost going to start crying! When someone like pushed her of due to the dancing and I left the club, i went back."
He didnt dare lift his eyes to look at anyone "i went back, i just wanted to go and sleep with seb and lewis, but they were angry. And i didnt know until they showed me this post. It was that lady kissing me and I just felt like puking. Until i regained the sense to explain they were already yelling i cheated. But i won't do that! "
"I love them, danny. I love them so much that it scares me but i still love them. And it hurts so much they could think like that i cheated, that I'd throw our two year relationship down the bin" he lets out a sob "i hate myself, i ruin everything. I-i couldnt even muster up the courage to explain, they didnt even let do that either. Fuck, i must be so fucking stupid. I ruined the best thing I had in my life!' Charles had at some point started crying again when a hand on his chin made him look at daniel again
"Charles, i swear to god you arent stupi--"
"You believe me right?" Charles quickly stands up from the bed facing them his hand already in his hair "please, you- you believe me right? I am not like that, she-she forced and i-i stopped her and probably yelled too. Please don't-dont hate me too" charles was suddenly shaked out of his ranting by carlos who had at some point gotten up.
"Cariño, I believe you okay? We all do charlie. No one hates you, not even the tiniest bit. Fuck i am going to kill those fuckers but just" carlos runs a hand through the younger's hair trying to tame it and also loosen the grip that charles had on his hair. "We know you wouldn't do that ever. We aren't leaving you charlie, so please can you calm down for me? For us? Dan might start crying" charles looked at Daniel and surely the aussie was red with unshed tears but also visible anger on his face.
There was a sudden shuffle from the bed, max had stood up and was ready to storm out "I'll kill those fucking assholes, why the fucking hell they couldn't let you explain- i am going to actually--" charles however stops the dutch and shakes head. "No, please no. I dont want anything. They already hate me, i dont want more reasons to add to the list"
"But charlie its absurd! They should have let you fucking explain! You were fucking sexually assulted for gods sake cha! I dont care if it is a fucking kiss, what if she was trying to get you in the room?!" Charles flinched at lando's words but he knew the younger was right "she did try"
A sudden silence washes over the roo. "What?" Charles sighs and looks up again at all of them, Daniel was almost horrified, max was red with anger overflowing in him, lando was just looking at him, his wide eyes with concern and mouth opened and carlos hands had tightened their grip on Charles’s shoulders.
"Um, she was trying to pull me out of the club and into the room above the club. She kept muttering stuff and I was-I didnt want it, really! I kept saying no" charles voice had turned quiet while daniel cursed "I am going to find that bitch and strangle her!"
"The police! Fuck we should tell them--"
"No! Just no" daniel and carlos look at him as if he had gone mental "i dont want that, please guys really. I said no then, then and i will do it now. I dont want this to be a big thing."
Daniel snatched him away from carlos and into his arms again, he somehow manage to sit on the bed. "Okay okay, whatever you want sharlo, whatever you want. I am so sorry baby you were dealing with this alone" charles hummed while he heard max mutter something
"Yea only if those fuckers had listen to him explain"
"Oh hermano, we could have been with you. You didnt have to be suffering alone since sunday"
Charles was fiddling with lando's sleeves who didnt dare leave the spot next to him."andrea knew, i had to tell him. Since he picked me up in the morning from the street and--"
"THEY LET YOU FUCKING WALK HOME IN THE DAMN MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?!" Charles and lando both flinched at daniel's scream but before charles could get time to say anything.
"Everytime i think right now, that it couldn't get fucking worse. It does. I swear ill shunt them into the fucking wall next race" max seemed to like carlos's idea, and even lando nodded. "I'll start actually insulting them in media, my image can go fuck itself"
Charles whines a bit and facepalms "they didnt let me okay, lewis booked a uber for me but i left the room when they told me to wait for it."
Carlos paused and looked at him with the same jules stare "you payed the driver to complete the ride without you didnt you charles?" Charles nodded being unable to lie, not when the spainard was staring like that.
"I dont know how long i roamed, I felt like my life has gone back to when jule died" he heard Daniel suck in a sharp breath "fuck man, that is fucking sick. I am fucking disappointed in them"
No one replies or says anything for a bit, only a bit shuffling heard in the hallway, someone just getting off the lift. When charles's hand is picked up out of nowhere by lando.
"Charles."
Charles sighs, cause he knows he is caught. He thought he could get away with the bandages but he didn't. "You- please say no"
"What? What's going on here?"
"Why, what are those bandages charlie? Daniel, lando say something!"
Charles nods and sighs again, his eyes building up more tears already. "Sorry dan, sorry lando. Je ne pouvais pas- i had to get it out. I felt like i was stuck in a coffin or I was drowning in the sea"
(I just couldn't)
Daniel shut his eyes close and sighed, he also muttered something before charles shook his head, tears starting to fall again. "S'not your fault danny, you too lando. I wanted to get away. Its my fault"
Carlos and max who were still confused lookes at eachother as if asking if they knew. "Can-can someone say what are those bandages on his fingers?!"
"Charles here managed to find a keyboard and fucking play it until his fingers started bleeding." Daniel paused and looked at charles with worry in his eyes "charlie, you said it was over love. You said never again kiddo, you said you wouldn't like to make jules see you like this cha"
"I know i know yesterday was the first since last time i promise" daniels humms and hugs him tighter, while lando shuffles closer, somehow holding charles's hand tight. Carlos sighs and lets himself on the bed as well. "Okay, okay. Charles listen to me okay?"
"No one hates you. You dont get to hate yourself. You are worthy of everything that includes love. You are not stupid. You are one of the strongest person i know in my life. We will always worry and care about you charles. You are not alone okay?" It takes a few seconds before charles nods,
"You have been cutting down on food too no? Not sleeping until the sun rises. Working like a crazy dog. Dios mio charles"
For a few minutes they let the silence wash over them, just cause they all need it. Especially charles. "Okay, we'll fly to maranello tommorow. We can get tickets--"
" I got a private jet dan" max reminds the aussie who nods but doesnt waver. While max takes out his phone to shoot a message to his manger.
"Okay, with his jet. None of us have any f1 related schedules for the summer break thats for two weeks. We'll stay at charlie's home over there, its pretty big so that wouldn’t be a bother. No one should know about it, we can call pierre, alex and george who are almost dying from not being able to reach you right now"
Charles chuckles at the eye roll lando gives at alex and George's dramatics. "Take some days off, and get you mr leclerc. Back to being healthy again and happy."
"Plus its a good chance to have a vacay you know together" lando starts laughing at max who imitated the relaxing posture. "As if! You just want to sleep mate!"
"Can you blame me?"
Charles lets out a laugh, seeing lando and max banter was always funny to him. Seeiming him happy made carlos and daniel a bit relaxed too but they knew that this was just now. They have a lot to start with.
"Charlito, listen as much as i want to go and push off those two assholes of the terrace. I know they love you, yes they did a fucking big mistake but i know they will regret everything once they get to know what happened but obviously that doesnt mean you should talk to them right now okay? Do you want to?"
Charles thinks over it, yes he misses them but he is hurt, more hurt than he could ever let anyone know. By how easy it was for them to think like that. "No, am i being dramatic for saying no?"
"No cariño, absolutely not"
"Hmm, so tommorow is our very own first episode of runaway charlie" lando groans at the joke and swats daniel's shoulder who lets out a 'owh'
"Now we all go to sleep here, cause everyone is fucking tired, you too charlie. We can wake up directly when we want to leave"max says and dramatically lays down with a thump. "A bit earlier than that, to pack up charlie's stuff"
"Guys, i can go back to sleep in my room. It's not a big--"
Daniel and lando glare at him "it is so shush, you can't sleep without hugging someone, plus your eyebags are the living proof of how you are a walking corpse" lando hisses and charles sighs but gives and snuggles back into daniel and lando's sides.
Carlos somehow ends up joining max in joining the two beds to make it a big one. Both of them sleeping beside their partner,obviously everyone was tired including charles. They just had a race this afternoon. charles was sure max was asleep the moment he layed down.
He snuggled a bit closer to daniel, his hand gripping lando's a bit tight and let himself fall into the clutches of slumber. Daniel finally let himself relax once he felt charles fall asleep and kissed the younger's forehead.
"Sorry jules, I wont break your promise again. You dont get to have him yet okay. I swear to you, he will never be like this again ever"