Work Text:
She first becomes aware of the familiar slide of soft sheets against her skin.
It’s strange, she thinks to herself. When she had gotten her first “grown-up” job, she had splurged and bought herself some slightly nicer modal cotton sheets. A small treat and a definite upgrade from the scratchier lower thread-count that she had been used to. The softness of the sheets now feels foreign to her.
Opening her eyes, she half expects to see her old dorm room around her and not her one-bedroom apartment. She can almost still visualize her old dorm room with its striped wallpaper and sturdy wooden desk pushed up against the wall, books still open from the previous night’s studies. There was nothing of the sort there now. She had long since graduated from Gekkoukan and hadn’t stepped foot in that dormitory for years.
Remnants of sleep cling to her mind and her head still feel fuzzy from her interrupted sleep. Distantly, she feels the memory of her dream slip away from her, receding back into the fog of her mind.
She frowns to herself. She can’t quite recall what that dream was about anymore, but the ache that its loss leaves behind is familiar in a way that she knows all too well. She may not be quite able to remember what exactly her dream entailed but, in her heart, she knows that it was about the past – and probably involved Makoto.
God, had it really been ten years since he had died?
The low thrum of sadness washes over her like a tide. The grief had lessened over the years, but there had definitely been times like this that she just wanted to talk to her friend and was struck anew at how that was no longer possible. She often wondered what he would have been like now had he lived. Would he have been getting up for work? Making breakfast? Rushing off to the train station? Accidentally oversleeping yet again?
She shook herself out of her thoughts before they could bring her mood down too much. No use dwelling on what might have been.
Though, speaking of work – she looked over at her alarm clock – it was a good twenty-three minutes before her alarm was scheduled to go off. Not enough time to go back to sleep, but too long to just lie in bed. At least she would be able to make herself a decent breakfast instead of rushing out the door to begin her commute to the office.
Reluctantly, she pulled herself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom.
The ground was hard beneath her feet and she could feel the cold tile even through the thin socks that she preferred to sleep in.
She looked at herself in the mirror, still somewhat stunned to see an adult woman staring back at her. She would never get used to that, she mused idly. She still didn’t feel like an adult. Most days she still felt like the same scared teenage girl staring down a fight much bigger than her with stakes that she could hardly even fathom. She was so young then.
Not that she was old now. In a way, changing into her pre-picked out skirt suit and blouse felt eerily similar to putting on her old Gekkoukan uniform. Some things never changed, she guessed.
She was again startled by the direction of her train of thought.
When had she gotten so maudlin?
It must have been the dream that she couldn’t remember that had put her in such a weird mood. She wished she could remember what it had been about; if only so the gnawing sense of absence sitting in her gut would make some semblance of sense.
Hopefully, going through her normal morning routine would help shake off the feeling, she thought as she turned on the sink. And slowly, it did. As she brushed her teeth, washed her face, styled her hair, and put on her makeup, the feeling lessened to just a weak thrum. Never fully leaving, but dulled - still there.
She sighed to herself. It was just going to be one of those days then. She’d just have to power through it then: it wasn’t the first and it wouldn’t be the last one of those days, but she had a life to live and work to do and she couldn’t dwell on it too heavily.
She frowned at her reflection one last time before turning off the lights and moving towards the kitchen. With any luck, those extra few minutes she had before she needed to leave for the train station would be enough to get her head on right before she had to clock in for the day.
It didn’t take long to get to the kitchen – she didn’t live in the largest apartment. It was decently sized) she had managed to move from her shoe box sized unit last year) but still cozy. It was hers though and being surrounded by her own things was settling – something that she felt in desperate need of this morning.
Breakfast was a simple affair. She turned on the rice cooker that she had set up the night before and pulled out some leftover pickled veggies. On a whim, she also grabbed a bottled ice coffee drink that she had seen at the store – a treat to hopefully help bolster her spirits for the day.
She sipped lightly from the bottle. The drink was sweeter than she would normally get for herself so early in the morning, but not unpleasantly so. It was a change of pace that she was glad for on a morning like this.
It wasn’t much, but it helped.
The rice cooker beeped shrilly, signaling that it has finished its cooking.
The warm rice and cool vegetables soothe her. It wasn’t often that she got to eat a breakfast like this on a workday. It was nice.
Finishing her meal, she glanced at the clock on the stove. Good, ten minutes until she needed to start making her way towards the train.
She idly hummed some song to herself as she handled her dishes. It wasn’t one that she could recall ever having heard on the radio or even on TV, but it felt familiar in way that she couldn’t quite place. Still, it felt comforting instead of frustrating so she let that mystery drift away.
Too soon, it was time to start her commute. Giving herself a final once-over as she put her shoes on and made towards the door, she took quick stock of her mood.
She felt...better. Better enough to tackle the day head on at least.
That was probably as good as she was going to get today.
Thinking on it for a moment, she found that she was at peace with the thought.
It was time to face the day.
--
Staying busy at work was one way to keep her mind off of the still slightly off mood that she had found herself in that morning.
There were emails to follow-up on, meetings to participate in, and reports to submit and all of those things blissfully kept her mind from wandering too far into that melancholy place she had been in earlier.
It was only when a coworker popped by her desk asking if she’d like to join a group of them for lunch that she really noticed how much time had actually passed. It was well after the time that she would normally have paused to eat and her stomach was now objecting to the lack of a substantial meal – some rice and veggies that morning were a long way away. A lot of times, she brought her own lunch – and she did have the prepared lunch that she had picked up for the day waiting, but today she couldn’t help but want the company more than a meal that she could easily repurpose for time.
Eating with good company sounded nice right now.
She saved her document and locked her computer, standing with a bit of a stretch.
Her coworkers smiled and waved as she joined up with them, easily bringing her into their conversation as they all headed out.
She let the camaraderie wash over her, chiming into the conversation on occasion, but taking a bit more of a backseat that usual.
Distantly, a memory that she couldn’t have of Makoto smiling, laughing, and dancing with all their friends in a club that he never could have been to rose to the surface. She had never seen him dance
Thinking about him didn’t hurt as badly this time.
A friendly finger lightly poked her in her side, and she turned towards the direction of it.
Emiko – she sat only two desks down.
“You’re awfully quiet today,” she commented, eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Is everything okay?” She seemed a bit hesitant to ask the question. The two of them weren’t that close. But Emiko was nothing if not kindhearted so it didn’t feel like an intrusion.
They weren’t friends.
But they could be.
“Just a dream I had last night,” she smiled softly.