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There are certain human functions that 'Hikaru' enjoys partaking in. He enjoys taking baths. Baths in hot springs are the best. The first time Yoshiki took him to a hot spring, he practically had to drag 'Hikaru' out of the water. Floating in stillness, surrounded by a blanket of warmth, it makes his insides churn with pleasure that only comes from feeling another entity's heat. Like what he feels with Yoshiki.
There are times when he'll stay in the bath for too long and his skin gets all wrinkly and squishy. Then when he tries to walk, his legs are all wobbly and he can't walk straight. When the airy feeling settles in his head, he can almost trick himself into believing he's really human. They're so lucky their bodies allow them to experience so many different sensations.
There's been one human function, though, that he doesn't enjoy quite as much. Yoshiki tells him sleep is important to keep his, Hikaru's, body healthy. Makes sense, Yoshiki's just trying to make sure nothing bad happens to his friend. 'Hikaru' in his true form doesn't need sleep, but is willing to do whatever Yoshiki says. And for a while, sleep is nothing to sneeze at. He shuts his eyes, falls into darkness, and then wakes up. Simple.
But lately, he's been seeing weird stuff between the darkness and waking up. Stuff that feels so real, 'Hikaru' could swear it was.
He's walking down a long road leading to a convenience store. Dirt crunches beneath his shoes and the sun beats down, making his clothes damp and neck burn. As he approaches, he can see Yoshiki walking out of the store with two ice pops in hand. 'Hikaru' tries to call out to him, but his voice is gone. No matter how intense the strain in his throat feels, silence.
Then, not even noticing 'Hikaru', Yoshiki turns to the doors, waiting for something. Yoshiki's bangs are shorter, so his deep brown eyes that 'Hikaru' barely gets to see are on full display. As the door opens and the thing he's waiting for steps into view, his expression softens and a rare smile tugs at the corners of his lips. He looks at ease, happy for once.
The original Hikaru hops to his best friend's side and grabs the ice pop out of his hand.
“Ah! This is the life!” he exclaims and takes an enthusiastic bite out of the cold treat. Hikaru then curls into himself, dropping his sweet treat to hold his head, and groans in agony.
“BRAIN FREEZE!”
'Hikaru' can feel it too, the sharp sting of cold that assaults the inside of his head. He wonders if this is something that actually happened to Hikaru often? It sucks.
Then something remarkable happens. Yoshiki starts to laugh, eyes crinkling and voice carrying over the buzzing sound of cicadas. Tears make his dark eyes sparkle as they roll down his cheeks.
‘Hikaru’ can’t help but stare. Sharing ice pops, joking around, Yoshiki's uncharacteristically serene face; this must be some sort of memory from the original Hikaru. But why is it happening like this? Usually he's able to experience the memory in place of the original Hikaru. Never as a spectator, always a participant.
“Ya idiot! What did ya think was gonna happen!?” Yoshiki manages to say on the wave his laughter. He extends a hand out to Hikaru and helps him stand.
He never looks at 'Hikaru' like that.
Hikaru rests his head on Yoshiki's shoulder and whines, “It huuuuurts, Yooooshiiii,” as he nuzzles into the collar of his shirt. 'Hikaru' feels his insides twist and churn uncomfortably.
“Ah, you'll get over it. Ya big baby,” Yoshiki mumbles. Scarlet stains his cheeks as he diverts his gaze and sheepishly offers Hikaru his uneaten ice pop.
'Hikaru's' left eye begins to twitch. Why can't he be the one who is cozying up to Yoshiki's side? To feel his warmth, to earn his smile; 'Hikaru' would give anything for Yoshiki to let him get this close. Let alone look at him without a curtain of bangs obscuring his view. Being on the outside looking in makes 'Hikaru's' chest burn with a feeling he can't quite describe.
Anger? No. Fear? Nah.
Organelle oozes from 'Hikaru's' eye down the side of his face. He can’t hold it back. It just seeps out through the cracks of his composure. Tendrils curl menacingly as the memory continues to unfold before him.
”I'm no baby,” Hikaru huffs and takes the ice pop, giving it a careful lick. He then offers the treat back to Yoshiki.
He wouldn't.
Yoshiki's trembling hand gingerly takes the ice pop and he slowly brings it to his lips. 'Hikaru' can sense the light within Yoshiki turning into a roaring fire, burning brighter than he's ever seen as the cool treat slips past his lips.
That’s the moment when 'Hikaru' cracks. He loses any semblance of self-restraint. Being able to feel the original Hikaru's heart flutter with delight and see Yoshiki's inner light blaze over sharing ice pops is agony; it’s too much. His true, grotesque form explodes from every orifice of the body he inhabits and charges towards the happy pair at a breakneck speed. He wants to destroy the other Hikaru, make sure he's gone for good. Then there won't be any chance of Yoshiki abandoning him or realizing he could've had this life instead.
You're just a monster playing human. You'll never have this with him. You only kill and consume. You don't deserve this happiness.
Despite knowing doing this reaction would ruin everything, ‘Hikaru’ failed to quell his true nature. Maybe he should go back to the mountains and live out the rest of his life as the monster he’s destined to become. If the only thing he can seem to do is destroy, then it’s probably what's best for Yoshiki.
What a mess he’s created.
Just as he's about to attack, Yoshiki's expression twists into unbridled horror. He grips Hikaru close to his chest and screams. The collision jolts 'Hikaru' back to reality and he finds himself gasping for air in his bed. 'Hikaru' wipes the sweat from his forehead and runs his hands through his short, damp hair. He’s human, or close to human, again. Thank the gods. He looks over at his clock.
2:16 AM
No more sleep for tonight, or maybe ever.
“You look tired.”
'Hikaru' turns his head, cheek pressed to the cool desk, to face Yoshiki. He tries to blink his vision to clarity to no avail.
“What gave it away?” he asks with a sigh and toothy grin. He knows he's not doing a very good job at hiding his exhaustion from Yoshiki and hopes he'll drop it. Usually when he flashes a smile, Yoshiki will start to sputter all red faced and change the subject.
But today's different.
“Ya can't even pretend to be listening to today's lesson. You'll get in trouble,” Yoshiki presses, hushed so their teacher won't hear. Despite the curtain of black bangs that obscure Yoshiki's face, 'Hikaru' can see what he's come to define as “concern” paint his countenance. It's always a treat when he can see Yoshiki's emotions come through. Creases in his forehead, downturned lips, prolonged eye contact; all expressions his stoic friend saves for moments like these.
Although he wishes Yoshiki would show him the expressions from Hikaru's memory.
“Don't worry about it, I've become a pro at trickin' ol'teach to think I'm bein' studious or whatever.” He reaches for the textbook beneath his chair and props it up to create a barrier between him and the front of the classroom.
“See? Looks like I'm readin'!”
Yoshiki's frown deepens and his lips press into a thin line. 'Hikaru' can see the agitated flickers of his inner light. It begins to dim with each lick of the flame.
Ah, that ain't good.
“Everythin's fine, I swear! I'll go to bed extra early tonight if it'll make you feel better!” He flashes Yoshiki a V and makes sure to grin extra wide and convincing.
Yoshiki says nothing in response despite opening and closing his mouth. He looks away, further shielding his eyes with his bangs. It's how 'Hikaru' knows the subject's been dropped. He decides he'll tell Yoshiki later today that he's leaving for the mountains.
Crisis averted, for now