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u/BookerTheLooker

[New Update] WIBTA if I asked my coworker out?

    OOPs are u/russian_Bear101, u/doctorthrowaway80082, u/RussianBearEnthusiast, and recently also u/LittleMissMuscular. I’m none of them, I’m just collecting the posts!

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RECAP

    Originally posted on May 10th 2023

    Posted to r/AmItheAsshole by u/russian_Bear101, who decided to go to AITA for romantic advice:

WIBTA if I asked my coworker out?

    For context, I (45M) work with a doktor (50M) at an American demolitions company. Since our job is rather dangerous, we have an onsite medical professional for when we get injured (which is a lot.) We’re not unionised because we’re lazy, and our boss is sort of scary, but we at least have our doktor.

    I’m in charge of the heavy machinery, so I see our team’s doktor the most often. He is hard to describe.

    He’s a bit crazy, with this smile that looks constantly evil and smug. He’s very intelligent, almost too intelligent, and he is devilishly handsome. He can always get his way with that combination, but I’m perfectly fine doing whatever he wants (I think that might be bad). He smells constantly of blood, but also of bird poop, because he owns doves and is just so adorable with them. He constantly sends us pictures of his birds roosting to the group chat, saying stuff like ‘my birds are so cute, I think I’m going to kill myself’. You know, joke stuff like that.

    I really enjoy his company. We don’t have a lot in common, I prefer to read literature and he prefers biology. I prefer fruity drinks but he’s a big beer drinker. I prefer classical music but he listens to almost exclusively Techno and German metal. But he makes me laugh, and always tells me funny stories when he patches me up, and he always happily takes my book recommendations even though I know he doesn’t read much fiction.

    Before getting this job, I never really cared about getting a relationship. I’m a big guy, was always very tall, and I get good money. I’m bisexual, but have a thing for little, freckly redheads (of which my crush definitely is not), and I know I could probably pull in a lot of gay men since I’m a very typical ‘bear’. But I just never cared about it, I always focused on my job, and my family, and trying to provide for them.

    But this man changed this. This weird, slightly kooky man with his slicked back black hair and neat tie, and broad hands constantly covered in nicks from his birds and scalpels. The way his pale blue eyes look at me from behind his round, wire frame glasses makes me feel like my heart is going to explode. He says that’s actually something that could happen, but when I look at him I feel that it would be worth it.

    I like him. Sometimes, I even love him. I dream at night about his hands, for goodness sake. On me, in me, touching me, playing around in my guts.

    I want to ask him out. I want to take him to this nice, German restaurant nearby, and then take him to the bird of prey sanctuary a town over so he can see the vultures getting fed. But I don’t know if I should. We are close, but how close can two coworkers be? I don’t know if we’re at the stage of ‘friends’ yet, and I feel like we should be before I ask him out.

    He is not shy, but he’s also not not shy. I don’t want to push any boundaries with him if he just sees me as a coworker.

    Would I be the asshole if I asked him out before we’ve really became friends? He’s my coworker!

    Tl;dr I have a crush on my coworker and want to ask him out, but I don’t want to push his bounderies. What do?

~~==

    Update #1 May 15th 2023: I bought the tickets. They are for next week. Oh fuck, I actually bought the tickets!

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    Update #2 May 17th 2023: I'm so happy. It's like a storm cloud was lifted from above my head and I can finally see the sun for the first time in years. I never knew life could be so bright and colourful. I never knew I could be so happy.

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    Update #3 May 20th 2023: Thank you everyone who commented. We will write new post soon, explaining what happened. This post was bad, I write this in a big panic, so I don't want to update it much. I just want everyone to know he is amazing, and everything go very well for us!

    Reddit deemed it NAH.

~~==

    Relevant comments:

    10th May 2023, TexanHeartthrob said: is he even gay? Not to doubt you, hoss, but I think that should be your first priority

    The OP replied: he is. Have never seena  gayer man in my life.

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    11th May 2023, a day after the post was uploaded, RussianBearEnthusiast said: I say go for it! If he’s so sweet to you during your checkups, maybe he’s waiting for you to make the first move. Especially if you’re as big and handsome as you say you are, maybe he just feels a little bit shy, like you said

    OP replied: I never said I was handsome, just big.

    14th May 2023, OP replied again: hey, Enthusiast! It’s been three days, what did you mean by this! I’m so confuse!

    RBE never replied to that post again. This will become relevant later

~~==

    11th May 2023, cyclopiankilts said: What sort of explosives do you use in your demolition job?

    The OP replied: does it matter?

    cyclopiankilts replied with: it matters tae me!

~~==

    10th May 2023, battaboombattaswing said: Lemme get dis strait: you like dis dood, you say hes gay, and youre a dood. So whats the problem? Ask him out! finding a gay dood is hard work

    TexanHeartthrob then replied: You sound like a parody of a dyslexic New Yorker.

    battaboombattaswing replied with: im from massechewsets!

    BeProfessional replied to battaboombattaswing’s original post: not if you know where to look

    battaboombattaswing responded: and were are YOU looking for gay doods?

    BeProfessional responded: Up your ass

    To which battaboombattaswing said: buy me a bucket of chiken first!

    The OP responded to battaboombattaswing’s original comment: do you think being gay is the only thing in common a couple needs to be compatible?

    To which batta, you get the picture, said: dunno

    OP then responded: you are not very smart

    Then battaboom said: go eesy on me, I’m still a baby gay! or a baby bi, duno

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    10th May 2023, Unicornmayhem said: update us if and when you ask him out! I’m invested, I love gay people. I wish they were real :C

    OP responded: we are real????

    17th May 2023, Unicornmayhem replied again, saying: THIS IS TRUE LOVE 😭

    OP responded: You are getting ahead of yourself

~~==

    Originally posted on May 17th 2023.

    Posted by u/doctorthrowaway80082 on r/relationship_advice, titled:

My (50M) coworker (45M) is vaguing about me on reddit.

    Throwaway because, as the title says, he is on here as well.  

    I am an on-site EMT for a demolition company, and recently one of my coworkers, whom I will call H, has been acting weirdly. Usually, he is a quiet, thoughtful man who tends to keep to himself, but I managed to strike up quite a friendship with him! I’m not exactly an extrovert myself, but everyone always says I’m very bubbly and excitable, and lots of people complain that I’m too loud! None of our coworkers expected H and I to become friends, not even myself!

    The problem started a few weeks ago, when I noticed him retreating into himself again. He became shy and reserved, and I’m not very good at reading people but even I could tell he wasn’t acting like himself. I was really confused, so I was planning to take him to a nearby clinic that could screen him for a brain tumour or something equally as mundane. Despite being an EMT, I don’t have access to any fancy machines like that, poor me.

    But, anyway, I didn’t get far enough to drag him to get a brain scan. I was just scrolling reddit recently, I mostly use it for bird care advice, when an AITA post showed up on my feed. I must have used that subreddit before, but I’m not really interested in the boring lives of other people, so I wanted to scroll, when the name of the account caught my eye. It was just something SO like H, so I got curious. I may or may not have cyberstalked him, looking through his entire account, to see if I was right about it being H. He hadn’t posted anything personal until the AITA post, so it was hard to really judge, but when I read that post I knew immediately that it was him. He types the exact same way he talks! It’s so cute!

    When I connected the dots that it was H, I realised, finally, why he was acting the way he was. It was so obvious in hindsight! H has a crush on me! His AITA post was him asking if he would be the asshole for asking me, a coworker, out on a date, which is just so much like H!

    Truth be told, I never thought about being in a relationship with him before. Don’t get me wrong, he is unimaginably handsome, so tall and broad and strong, and just BIG! Every time I touch him and feel his muscles and the protective layers of fat around them, I swoon! He should be studied! And I can imagine curling up beside him, and just falling asleep next to a fire place and hooh, it’s such a pleasant thought!

    But he would be my first proper relationship since I was a teenager. I am fifty years old, and I spent my entire life focusing on my work, that I didn’t realise he liked me, and didn’t realise I liked HIM. It’s maddening, now that I think about it.

    Alright, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. I like him, he likes me, he wants to ask me out. But… he isn’t… asking me out. What should I do? Should I make the first move?

    Tl;dr my coworker has a crush on me and asked reddit for advice because he’s shy. Reddit failed and he still hasn’t asked me out. Should I make the first move?

~~==

    Relevant comments:

    17th May 2023, Spicicle made a comment: that’s not what cyberstalking is. This is stalking

    The OP replied: what

    Spicicle came back on the 18th of May, a day later to say: check the window on your right

    The OP then replied: nice try, I don’t have a window on my right! Haha!

    OP then replied again: Sheiße. I should stop being on reddit while on the job. Also, it's not stalking if we're coworkers, Dummkopf!

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    17th May 2023, MissInPurple said: how much does asking you out mean to him? Do you know if he has anything planned that he is still getting ready, hence why he hasn’t popped the question yet?

    The OP responded: He might have bought tickets to something, but I don’t know what. Otherwise, he’s not organising anything.

    MissInPurple then replied: then maybe wait, still. If he has tickets, maybe he’s waiting to make a move closer to the date he bought the tickets for

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    18th May 2023, battaboombattaswing said: were r all thees gay guys on reddit coming from al’a sudden?

    BeProfessional responded: From your ass

    So battaboombattaswing replied: man fuck you

    BeProfessional then said: do it yourself

    battaboombattaswing replied: gimme yor adress in DMs and send a pic so I now your not some old guy tring to steel my kidknees

    19th May 2023, BeProfessional replied: kidneys* we’re doing it at yours next time

    To which battaboombattaswing responded: gotchu boo

    OP then responded: did you two get together before I asked H out??

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    19th May 2023, cyclopiankilts asked: What sort of explosives do you use in your demolition job?

    The OP responded with: You again?? What is it with you and explosives?

    To which cyclopiankilts responded: I’m an explosives expert!

    The OP then said: Tavish??

    cyclopiankilts responded: Doc???? Oh shit! Yeah, you go ask the big guy out right now! He’s been worrying over this crush for half a year now!

    The OP responded after a few hours: I hate you. He is an amazing kisser.

    A few users then responded with a bunch of congratulations.

    Blubomber then asked: so, what explosives DO you use?

    Spicicle replied with: the ones that get your mother going.

~~==

Update #1:

    June 14th 2023, u/RussianBearEnthusiast (a familiar face) made a post on r/AmITheAsshole that was removed within a few hours:

Am I the asshole for taking my new boyfriend to the museum, instead of to the bird of prey sanctuary?

    Hello! For anyone who recognises me, I’m the fifty year old EMT who smells like blood and birds. I ended up asking the Russian Bear out first, because I knew he had a crush on me, and I couldn’t bear (hoohoo, get it?) the wait any longer!

    It went amazing! It was like we were made for each other! He is the sweetest teddybear I have ever met, and he says that he loves waking up next to me in the morning. He is such a sap, and I hate him, but he just gave me a kiss so I can’t really say that. He is reading what I type, by the way. He is so much bigger than me, so I can sit in his lap while he looks over my shoulder to look at my phone.

    He is telling me to tell you all that you are all uselesIDID NOT SAY THATPPAKGM;KL but he is VERY grateful for making his post so popular, because without it I never would have been able to see it and ask him out. Also thanks to cyclopiankilts for being a pain in both of our assN O HES NOTFGAGHGDC;3T5

    We both owe you more than just a six pack of German beer and two bottles of Russian vodka!

    Anyway, onto the post! Am I, the EMT, the asshole here for taking Russian Bear to the museum? He wanted to take me to the bird of prey sanctuary because I wanted to see the vultures being fed. But I argued that, since I asked him out first, I should take him out where he wants to go!

    He had already bought the tickets to the sanctuary, but they were for next week, so I could take him out first, and THEN he could take me out! Am I the asshole?

~~==

    A mod removed this post for: being an update post, rather than a real AITA post.

    No one managed to comment, but I’m sure everyone was very happy for them, just like they were on russian_Bear101's original post.

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Update #2:

    Long time no see, I never expected this post to get an update! Here is a RECAP for everyone curious about the Russian Bear saga. And here is the update:

    Originally posted 20th September 2024 (around a year after the original saga concluded.)

    u/LittleMissMuscular made a post on r/wholesome, titled:

My brother’s boyfriend caught the bouquette in his drink. Now they’re getting married.

    Sorry for my English, I am Russian.

    Last year, my (36F) brother (46M) was asked out by his boyfriend (51M) last year. My brother-in-law is little bit strange man, but I like him. I think he is good for my brother. When my brother worry about asking him, because they are coworkers at demolition company together, boyfriend ask him instead! Brother later call me crying happy tears.

    Context: I was engaged to my husband (41TM) for a year, before brother got his boyfriend. We get married July 18, two months ago, because my husband want to get married in July, for American holidays. He is so silly sometimes, but very cute.

    During wedding, we do flower toss! I am not American, so this was new tradition for me, but I want to try it. I get ready, all my maids of honour gather behind me, and I throw bouquette! Problem is, I am very strong, like my brother. We have good genes, so we are big, and I work out with brother and husband often. Sometimes brother-in-law joins too. But this time, this was not good thing.

    My brother-in-law standed right behind my maids of honour. He was being funny, showing brother German drinking trick, when flowers fly through the air and landed in his glass, shattering drink! He managed to catch it, though! He was so shocked!

    Then, sweetest thing happen. My brother got on one knee, and pulled out ring box. I knew he was planning to propose, I encourage him to propose after ceremony! And he did! And brother-in-law dropped bouquette, tripped, pushed both of them over, and we have to call ambulance because they fall on broken glass… oops…

    When doctors come, they were laughing and kissing and would not pull away from each other. They are planning to have wedding in September next year. I wonder who will do flower toss, since they are two men. Wedding will be beautiful, though!

    The OP also attached a photo of herself, her husband, and her brother and his fiance alongside the post. Here it is:

~~==

    Relevant comments:

    20th September 2024, battaboombattaswing asked: hey by any chanse is your brother the same dood from this? (they linked the original russian_Bear101 post)

    The OP responded: yes! He let me use his account to find wedding inspiration! But make me my own account later. That is my brother!

    BeProfessional then responded: They’re getting married? Can we come?

    The OP said: you are friends?

    battaboombattaswing responded: kinda ye!

    The OP responded: I will tell them!

    BookerTheLooker then said: bruv, I ain’t updating this post again when YOU two get married. Get real

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    20th Septmber 2024, cyclopiankilts said: the wedding was wonderful, lassie. All the good luck to you!

    The OP responded with: 😘

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    21st September 2024, russian_Bear101 said: I didn’t cry!

    The OP replied: just little bit.

    russian_Bear101 said: Ok. Little bit.