Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The moment Ramy sees that shabby barn, he starts to regret every single moment of his life, every single decision that has led him here.

Ramy likes to think of himself as a smart guy, a cool one, the one who’s level-headed and not easily swayed by difficulties. He has to be, right? Or else he wouldn’t live up to this moment. 

Eyeing the storehouse once more, he’s not so happy he’s alive, all things considered. The building itself isn’t surprisingly too bad, it’s just… unusual. Anand isn’t vain, he’s not the one to go out of his way just to show off his wealth, so it’s not like they’ve been meeting up in mansions until now, and yet this sorry excuse of a shed is too scruffy even for him. Damned Chakravarti and his business.

See, Anand is a very good friend to him. Come hell or high water, he’s always been there for Ramy. He’s experienced, too. Knows what he’s doing, to put it in other words, unlike some other players on the field. They’ve been working together since God knows when, and while it’s never been particularly easy, Anand has always been trying to minimize the risks, where he couldn’t eliminate them at all. He has everything it takes to be successful in this game. Reckless, but not too much, and Ramy be damned if he wasn’t always covering for his own. Everyone dealing with Anand could expect security and safety, in the best form that was available. So Ramy’s trying to think logically, to keep his cool. Maybe there’s a reason why Anand’s doing this. Maybe he’s trying to downplay his own influence, for some reason. If things were really that bad, Anand wouldn’t have started a new job at all. 

This sounds sensible enough, steadying enough. Ramy’s no longer feeling as if the earth is slipping away from his feet. He makes a pair of sheepish steps towards the barn, then another one. It’s better not to hang out in front of a seemingly abandoned building, he reminds himself, and forces himself to keep going, even though his heart is still panging in his chest. 

You’re a professional, Ramiz, he scolds himself. And professionals don’t tremble like a newborn deer. 

He’s been too distracted to notice it before, but someone’s already standing in front of the door. The figure is hunched over, trying to light up a cigarette, and Ramy can’t hold back the laugh. She’s always like that. The same problem over and over again. “Need any help, young lady?”

Vic shudders, swearing, and turns back to face him. “Fuck off, Mirza. Nothing I can’t fix myself.” 

Ramy knows. Vic’s as independent as they come, or more accurately, as only you can be at twenty-five. Chakravarti has no children, or so he claims, but Vic’s the closest thing to a daughter Anand ever had. A charming girl, really. Not too hard-hearted – yet, Ramy reminds himself – but not too naive as well. Had her fair share of trouble, Ramy figures. Maybe not as much as Ramy himself, but he’d like to look at her after, say, ten years into the future. If she survives for that long, that is. She’s not a newbie, but clearly not experienced enough. So it’s mostly Ramy’s job to look after her, which he, surprisingly, isn’t all mad about. Not anymore, at least. 

Because the first time they met, Ramy was nearly fuming. 

The situation was pretty much the fucking same – a yard in front of the building they were supposed to discuss the job in, him arriving twenty minutes earlier to catch a smoke with Anand, and Vic damned Desgraves standing near the two-door entrance, her hands shaking in a futile effort to force the lighter to work. He nearly had a breakdown then. Because what the fuck do you mean – letting someone who can’t even deal with a cig join a robbery? Someone who told him her name and surname upon the first meeting? Ramy was half-debating whether he should strangle Anand on sight. Looking back, he’s really happy he didn’t act on his impulses back then. Or else he wouldn’t have either his closest friend, or a girl who is more of a sister to him now. 

Vic looks at him quizzically, because clearly he hasn’t been listening to her rambling, which he regrets from the bottom of his heart, when a punch lands squarely on his shoulder. “Hey, Mirza. Didn’t you get enough sleep? Anand won’t be happy about that, will he?”

Ramy thinks that Anand won’t give a fuck, to be frank, but he doesn’t have the heart to say this. Not when Vic is trembling again, almost the way she did back then, but not quite. She’s still nervous, Ramy notices, even though this isn’t her first job. Must be the fourth, by his count. But still, he knows it better than anyone else – it’s not something you can get accustomed to, not something you can ever come to terms. Hell, he’s done this more times than he could possibly count – never been too good at math anyway – and he still gets the jitters, even if only occasionally. 

“Is there anyone familiar?” Ramy asks, watching as Vic emerges victorious – he nearly snickers at the pun – from the fight with a poor cigarette. 

“Antony.” Vic shrugs. “But he’s always up to something, you know him. Haven’t seen others yet. Fuckers haven’t arrived, and we’ve only got what? Ten minutes to spare?” 

Ramy thinks that ten minutes is even too long, but he holds his tongue. No good in yanking Vic’s chain, that’s for sure. Especially when she’s in the right. There’s too high a possibility for the newcomers to be skinned alive if they are so much as two minutes late. There’s little Anand values more than precision. 

They stand by each other's side for a while, but Ramy quickly gets bored. He’s too restless for his forty-eight years, he’s been told as much. While saying this is the best way to piss him off, Ramy can’t help but wonder whether it’s actually true. It must be, the way that he’s unable to stand still for longer than five minutes. “I’m going inside.” He informs Vic. Not that he needs to, though. Of course he won’t be reporting to someone who can’t light a damn cigarette. Yes, he won’t let go of this. No, he doesn’t feel pathetic for teasing her, not in the slightest. “Wanna greet Anand and have a couple of words with him.” For example, why won’t they meet up at a junkyard the next time. 

Inside is dark, but not too much – the light still finds its way through the glass panels in the roof. Ramy appreciates the dimness, though. The last thing he needs is for his headache to start acting up. He’s not attentive enough as is, and with a spike of pain pounding through his skull, focusing sounds like an entirely impossible task. 

He looks around, taking in the interior. Nothing fancy, just as the exterior suggests. A minimal amount of furniture. A blackboard. One tattered bookcase, a bunch of chairs. Five small desks, which make Ramy think all the way back to school, and a bigger one, filled with a bunch of papers of different kinds. That’s the desk occupied by Anand, of course. That’s what he gets for being the head of the operation, their big and scary mastermind.

“Hey,” he mutters, loud enough for Anand to hear. “This time the team’s small, I see.”

Anand looks up at him, smiling. Ramy can’t help but smile back, disarmed. That’s just what Anand’s smile does to a man, and that’s precisely why he’s so dangerous. You’d think that he’s a friendly person, maybe even too much – he’s buddy-buddy with all his guys, but that’s where the catch is. One wrong movement, one wrong word – and your next destination quite surely will be a ditch by the side of the road. Took Ramy a lot of time and a hell of an effort to get used to his rules. But now that he’s no longer twenty, no longer so scared and careless, he’s truly enjoying this friendship, even though Anand’s mind is still a mystery to him at most times. 

“Yes,” Anand replies, nodding at Vic as she saunters to her place, the middle desk in the front row. Two desks in the back remain empty. “It’s not that big of a job. A quick in-and-out, nothing more.”

Ramy huffs. He’s not the biggest risk-taker in the world, but if the job isn’t serious enough, it won’t be paid that good too. The expression on his face must be sour as hell, because Anand chuckles and adds. “But the pay won’t disappoint you, I promise. A gem store, how’s that?”

Ramy whistles. “Not bad. I thought you moved on to bigger stuff, hm?”

Anand nods. “I did, but sometimes you have to take a break, y’know? And we have some fresh faces this time too. Wouldn’t like to scare them off. And it’s not like they could pull off the usual stuff.”

In the corner of his eye, Ramy sees Vic rolling her eyes and throwing her head back dramatically. The next moment, she shudders and almost falls off her chair, though, because faint steps from the outside grow louder and louder, and Anthony’s broad figure appears in the doorway. 

“Hello to everyone,” he announces, performative and showing off as usual. Ramy notices two lame-looking short bodies dangling behind him. 

One is a blonde-haired girl with a focused expression. She’s not looking anywhere save for Anthony, as if he’s the sole ray of light in the dark, and Ramy briefly wonders whether there might be more to it than he’s seeing right now, whether they may be connected in a way yet unknown to him. Anand wouldn’t allow that, though. He doesn’t care what all of them are doing off the clock, but if something’s meddling with the business, it will be taken care of in no time. Letting Vic stay with them was enough of a risk, given how three of them are attached to her. 

The other is a guy, so tiny that he might as well be somebody’s shadow, strayed too far from his owner. Ramy wonders what his deal is. Normally, you’d want to be watching your back around these guys at all times. They’re like chihuahuas, the smaller, the worse. The guy is almost a full opposite of the girl. While she’s feigning confidence and acting all unimpressed, he’s gaping at the inside of the barn, as if trying to fathom how he ended up here at all. 

Anand clears his throat, ripping Ramy from his thoughts. “I’d like for you to meet our newest members.”

The introduction is brief, concerningly so, but Ramy quickly picks up what Anand is putting down. Vic looks confused for a moment, but she nods to herself swiftly enough, and Ramy feels a surge of pride. She’s got it all sorted out, it seems. So with nothing else to do, he moves to take his place at one of the desks in the second row, only to be hindered by an obstacle in the form of the new guy crashing into him. Must’ve gotten dizzy or something, only it’s not Ramy’s place to care at all.

“Hey, watch it!” Ramy breathes. He’s two seconds away from a heart attack, and that doesn’t align with his image at all. So obviously he’s pissed. He has a right to be. 

Only the bloke looks too miserable for Ramy not to feel guilty. He’s lean, small, not exactly the type of person you’d remember meeting, even if you were to pass him by on the street every single day. Which is perfect, Ramy realises, because no one would probably be able to describe him properly even if they had to. Short brown hair, small nose, thin lips, ratty eyes that seem almost black, so dark they are. What else? 

He realises he’s been staring too long, so he clears his throat and musters an annoyed expression, just to scare the guy off. No need for him to be lingering next to Ramy more than necessary. 

Anand rolls his eyes, as if he’s a twenty-year-old himself, not sixty-something. “Stop that, cut him some slack. We’re all civilized here, in the end.”

Ramy mutters something unintelligible, and what exactly, he won’t be able to tell himself. He doesn’t want to dwell on it anymore, so he straightens behind his desk and places his arms on the surface. Anthony settles at the desk next to him and gives Ramy one brief look. Ramy answers with a nod.

Anthony would annoy the hell out of him if they were to meet somewhere else, but here, on the job, he’s irreplaceable, however much it pains Ramy to admit it. He’s loyal as a dog, no, as a person even. His loyalty isn’t an instinct, it’s a well-thought-through decision. It’s a vow, it’s a promise, the one that’s not meant to be broken. He’s annoying most of the time just for the sake of it, and what’s even worse, he’s always there for Ramy when he needs it, so it’s not like Ramy can be pissed at him without feeling guilty. 

“We’re operating in a very close circle this time,” Anand specifies, getting the novices to look at him with even bigger concentration. “So I expect utmost secrecy from all of you. No names, no surnames, God forbid, no addresses, no mentions of where you grew up or what job you did before. Am I heard?”

His look is stern all of a sudden, and Ramy wants to laugh because of the absurdity of the situation. Three of them are as close as they can be in this field, they know much more then just names. For God’s sake, he knows Vic’s favourite Coke flavour and where Anthony got that scar on his left shoulder from. Not exactly the kind of info you’d be sharing with anyone, but his point still stands. Why introduce such clandestineness just because of two rookies?

He hopes that Anand has it all under control. Not that Ramy’s a scaredy-cat, no, and anyone would tell you just the same, but he wants to live. Wants for things to run smoothly. What he doesn’t want is to rot in jail. Or to end up with a bullet in his arm. Or anywhere else, for that matter. 

One time was more than enough. 

Anand turns back to the blackboard, taking a piece of chalk and writing something on the torn-down surface. When he steps back, satisfied with how the inscription has turned out, Ramy winces, struggling to make out the letters, them swimming in the blurry lines before his eyes, even though the caption isn’t exactly small. That’s what he gets for not wearing glasses or lens. 

“Names.” Anand proclaims loudly, as if all eyes aren’t solely on him already. “Heard about some guy using colors as nicknames, but we’re not gonna do that.”

“Why is that?” Vic smiles lazily, sagging in her chair. She’s the only one allowed to talk back, and it’s evident from the situation that she’s using this right as much as she can. The blonde girl in the first row glances at her with mild dissatisfaction, and Ramy snickers to himself. It’ll take some time for newbies to get used to their norms and rules. 

“Because I said so. “ Anand responds, all spikey, but Ramy glances at Anthony and understands that he’s not the only one who can see a tiny smile cracking his facade. “And because for him it all went to hell. We wouldn’t want to jinx our luck, would we?”

Everyone’s silent and still, not even nodding or something, waiting for whatever Anand has to suggest.

“What we’re going to do,” he says, taking another chalk into his hand, this time a pastel yellow one. Ramy is wondering whether it’s gonna be visible at all. “Is to use bird names. Any objections?” 

Silence rings throughout the room once again. Then Vic raises her hand. Anand nods at her. 

“Yes?”

“I want to be a falcon. Is that possible?” 

Anand stares at her for a moment, as if considering whether she’s being serious or not. “What? Why? Y’know what, I don’t even care. Yes, you can. Any other wishes?”

Vic raises her hand again. Anand’s face becomes even more irritated, and this time Ramy suspect that the tiredness in his expression isn’t even feigned. 

“Yes, Falcon?”

“I want him –” she twists to look at Ramy, pointing at him. “to be called cock-of-the-rock. Fits him, really, if you come to think of it. “

Anthony’s barely able to cling to his place, almost falling from the chair, doubled down in a spasm of laughter. Vic is smiling from ear to ear, apparently satisfied with her pun, what can’t be said about Anand. Even the blonde girl is sporting a tiny smirk on her face – turns out, she’s able to smile at last. The next sound his ears register, though, almost makes Ramy fall off the chair himself.

The rat-eyed guy is laughing too.

It’s a quiet sound, bashful, as if he were never allowed to laugh before, but the joke is so damn funny that he forgets himself, all his stupid concerns and prejudices. And God bless Vic for that, Ramy thinks, because this dude needs a laugh. Better for him to come loose now, than to get pent up and then explode in their faces sometime later. Of course, it’s solely for this reason that Ramy enjoys his laugh. 

He’s too old for any of that, anyway.

Rat eyes send him a short look before returning their gaze to Anand, and Ramy suddenly finds himself unable to swallow. Yes, the guy is attractive, but nothing worth foaming around the mouth like a rabid dog. 

“Suggestion dismissed.” Anand's weighty voice returns him to reality. Ramy twitches uncomfortably, suddenly aware of the situation they’re in. In other words, they’re here to discuss the job, not to toy around. “So, she is Falcon. You,” he points his finger at the rat-eyed guy. You’re Robin”

He flinches, as if triggered by some unwanted memory. Robin vaguely sounds like a nickname, which it could once be, Ramy figures. It’s not uncommon to call your loved one some cheesy pet name, and while most people would choose something banal, like birdie, this moniker doesn’t sound impossible, too.

A moment later, he nods, and Anand keeps up. “You. Dove”

The blonde girl he’s been addressing nods in agreement. Not that she has other options, but Dove doesn’t sound all too bad. It’s one of the better options, Ramy figures. A noble bird, symbol of loyalty and stuff. 

Apparently, it’s Ramy’s turn now. Anand’s face doesn’t betray a single emotion as he regards Ramy with an indifferent expression. 

“You… Hm. How about a crane?” 

Huh. Talk about irony.

Sometime ago, suffering from another episode of boredom, Ramy read a book on symbolism in literature, with a section dedicated to birds. Had a hell of a time picking the subject apart, reveling in pondering, how the fuck people came to this. Call him a nerd, and you’d be right, that’s what he is. Maybe he hadn’t always wanted to end up here. Maybe before it all went sideways, he had other dreams, other ambitions. Even if it pains him to think back to his lost future. 

So he nods, satisfied with Anand’s pick for him. It’s the most that he can give him, Ramy reminds himself. Once Anand finishes the introduction, they’re supposed to fall into their respective roles. Anand leads, Ramy follows. That’s how it has always been. It’s not like Ramy doesn’t have enough experience or he’s not smart enough to pave the way himself, there’s something else that he lacks. Leadership. That’s what Anand has, and he doesn’t. He could lead them, Ramy deduces, but he just doesn’t want to.

Anand, on the other hand, lives for this. 

There was a time when he’d been a rookie himself, Ramy assumes, even though he hasn’t been around back then to witness it. But everyone has begun somewhere, so that must be true for Anand as well. But he’s been an influential figure, someone to be reckoned with, for as long as Ramy can remember. Somehow, it’s not even humiliating to be led by him, despite age and experience and everything. 

“And the last one. Sparrow?”

“What? Why the fuck am I Sparrow?” Anthony complains. “I want to be Crow. Or Raven.”

“No.” 

“Why not?”

Anand sighs tiredly.

“Because we don’t have either Crow or Raven. Is that clear?”

“Why don’t we have them?” presses Anthony. “They’re cool names. Cooler than Sparrow for sure.”

Ramy can’t help but snort. What was starting as a joke has quickly become a matter of personal importance to Anthony, and it is so damn funny. “Wait, I take on her suggestion.” Ramy points at Vic. “He’ll be cock-of-the-rock.”

“You won’t believe it, but it’s still better than Sparrow. ” Anthony spits out. What is his deal with sparrows, anyway?

“Will the two of you be so kind as to shut up?” Anand grunts. “Sparrow it is. Let’s rewind. “ He starts pointing at each member all over again. “Falcon. Robin. Dove. Crane. Sparrow. Memorize your name, scribble it on your arm for all I care. From now on, we’re only using them. No more personal information. Got it?”

They nod in agreement, as there’s not much to do. After that, Anand makes quick work of sketching their schedule, noting that some changes can still be done, and makes them agree a date for the next meeting. Which is on Friday, four days from now, that is. Ramy’s more than happy about this. Not too little time, but also not too much, so he won’t forget what’s coming in the meantime. And then they’re all free to go. 

Vic leaves first, seemingly in a hurry. Clearly, she’s got somewhere else to be. Oh, to be twenty-five again, Ramy muses, to have a booming social life once again. His friends and acquaintances are either dead or rotting in jail, and that’s one of the few downsides of being lucky – in the end, you’re most likely left alone. Not many people can prosper in this field for as long as Ramy did it. His only option now is to agree to Anand’s suggestion to go grab a few beers with Anthony, so Ramy takes it gladly. Only option, as he’s learnt long ago, isn’t always a bad one.

“Ramy, I need to talk to Anthony before we go,” Anand says, once there are only three of them left. His voice is soaked with something disgustingly similar to guilt. He doesn’t need to excuse himself, not in front of Ramy. “Can you wait for us outside?”

“Don’t have to ask twice, buddy.” Ramy salutes before casually strolling out. He doesn’t need to worry whether they’re keeping secrets from him as well. In this field, you either trust each other or die. Given that he’s alive, trust is something that comes to him almost naturally.  

He’s almost fully submerged in his thoughts, even as sunshine hits his face, so it takes Ramy a few extra seconds to register the nervous swearing somewhere next to him. He doesn’t need to look at the person emitting it, and isn’t that something? But it’s not like this agitated mumbling can belong to anyone but Robin. 

“What’s up?” Ramy asks. Small talk is his forte. That’s one thing you have to learn early on: to be amiable, but not overbearing. Saves a lot of time and effort, actually. 

Robin squirms, and Ramy can’t help but feel sorry for him. The guy must be going crazy right now. He’s not shockingly young like Vic. Thirty years, maybe. But there’s a lot about novices that a trained eye can pick up. Constant shuddering is one of them. 

“Forgot my lighter. You have one?” utters Robin in a thin voice. Fitting for someone like him, Ramy muses. 

He searches through the pocket of his jacket, sending Robin a tiny smirk when his fingers brush against the object he’s been looking for. He gives it to Robin without second thought. In the end, this is just a stupid lighter, not something he would be missing dearly. 

“Return it to me on Friday, ok?” Ramy asks. “You can keep it in the meantime.”

Robin looks at him, perplexed, as if this is some unheard act of kindness he can’t accept. There’s a brief skirmish going on inside his head before he sighs defeatedly.

“Okay, thank you.” He lingers just for a moment, seemingly unsure what to say. “See you later, then?”

Ramy nods with a smile, leaning against the wall. 

It doesn’t occur to him that he doesn’t have a lighter on him anymore, and the spare one is left at home. 

Chapter Text

Friday rolls around too fast for Ramy’s liking.

It’s not like he’s been counting down the days, he’s a grown adult, for fucks sake. Even though grown adults sometimes do just that. Waste their lives for nothing, that is. Ramy usually isn’t bonkers about productivity – what is productivity in his field, anyway? Should he go rob a few stores on his own in his free time?

So he does whatever he can to occupy himself. They hit the bar on Monday as planned, and boredom dissipates for a while, but not for long. He invites both Anthony and Anand to a dinner at his place – fuck the no-address rule, they’ve literally seen each other bleeding and screaming – but both of them are too busy to agree. Anand looks genuinely sorry to decline the invitation, and Ramy’s poor heart clenches at the realisation. 

They’re not just colleagues anymore. Maybe they’ve never been to begin with.

Anand has cared for him as long as Ramy can remember, and even though he was too wary of the big boss to accept such treatment at first, Anand’s warm demeanor left no chance for the walls in his heart to remain standing. 

That’s why he spends at least an hour choosing an outfit, so that he looks at least a bit presentable. In all seriousness, he doesn’t consider his style awful, but picking something from his closet that isn’t a Hawaiian shirt isn’t an easy task. In the end, he gives up because the task turns out to be not just hard but outright impossible. Anand shouldn’t be offended by his choice of clothing, because really, this is a casual outing, they’re not doing anything yet. The only thing he has to worry about is looking respectable to the newbies, but that’s not something that can be achieved through the outfit alone.

Demeanor is the key.

There’s a bit less than an hour in advance when Ramy walks out of his house. There’s little he hates more than being late, and even though it’ll take him roughly twenty minutes to get there, at this hour he also has to account for the traffic jams. Standing in place for God knows how long is one of the few things that are worse than being late, Ramy muses. Fortunately, he has some candies in his pocket to keep him occupied if need be.

Address, given to him by Anand, directs him to a suspiciously normal bar. It doesn’t stand out by a single criterion: not too crowded, but also isn’t deserted; not too pricey, but also not a kind of place where you’d be wary of ordering anything at all. It’s just… good. Which suits their purpose of staying low. 

Bars are Anand’s signature move by now, one that Ramy is familiar with, and one that he likes the most. As Chakravarti himself has stated, there’s more to the life of crime than abandoned warehouses, guns and blood. Once in a while, a good thing comes around, and if you stick around for long enough, you’ll realize that only fools don’t seize the opportunity to enjoy it. He hopes that the new crew members will be quick to grasp it, too.

He still remembers Vic’s face when they first arranged a meeting at the bar. Scared as she was, she expected their meeting point to be somewhere far, far away, maybe even outside the city. What she definitely didn’t anticipate was a relaxed atmosphere, free drinks covered by Anand, and friendly chatter instead of some real serious business. Maybe that was part of the reason why she warmed up to Anand so fast. Can’t be watchful of someone for too long, especially if they’re treating you as if you’re their equal from the get-go. 

Even if you aren’t. 

That’s what Ramy plans on doing with his new teammates. He doesn’t care much for altruism or whatever that shit is called, but he doesn’t want to come off as a jerk. Not that he cares for others’ opinion. This is for him and him only. A way to repent. To try and fix his mistakes, or at least not to make any new ones. 

He arrives at a quarter to six, fifteen minutes before the official meeting, that is. There are no familiar faces to be seen, and even Anand isn’t there yet. Which is a bit concerning, given that he’s been the one to suggest a meeting in the first place. Ramy doesn’t resort to panic at once, desperately trying to think of any reasons why Anand can be held up. 

Hanging outside sounds pointless, as he’d already had a smoke before arriving here – not wanting to make his companions wait , Ramy snorts – so he strolls inside. Most of the tables are occupied, and the staff are frantically zipping between them, which indicates that such a busy atmosphere isn’t common for this place. Probably that’s why Anand chose Friday – no one will be able to say that they’re anything but a group of friends, meeting up to pass a couple of beers. 

He’s distracted again, lost in his thoughts again, which is why the situation that unfolds later throws him in some kind of deja vu. The same soft voice that manages to scare him shitless all the same, the same ratty eyes that don’t seem to fit the adjective anymore – the guy’s been squinting all along, Ramy learns later, because apparently existence of glasses offends him mortally, or is just a concept unknown to him altogether. 

“Hey. Got your lighter, here you go.” Robin smiles, extending his hand, dropping the object in question in Ramy’s palm. He looks better now. Less scared, less insecure. He’s not trying to minimize the amount of space he’s taking up, which prompts him to spread his shoulders wider and to look just a tad taller. He’s still no John Cena, but he doesn’t look like a teen anymore, too.

“You saved my life back then, man.” Robin admits with a tiny smile plastered on his lips, which makes Ramy chuckle. 

“You’re saying “back then” as if it’s been thirty years,” he smirks. “Don’t sweat it. I’ve got a spare one at home anyway. Though the few hours before I got to it on Monday were abysmal.”

“Oh God.” Robin sighs dramatically. “Can’t imagine how horrible it must’ve been for you, to let your lungs have a shred of rest.”

Ramy snorts uncontrollably. 

“How do you know how much I’m smoking?”

Robin’s face reddens in an instant, color spreading like tide washes over the beach. It’s not too obvious, though. Easy to write off on the warmth of the place, but Ramy doesn’t want to corner him either way. Not when his own face is quickly becoming the same shade, and what’s even worse, the sole reason for this is Robin’s reaction. 

It’s also alarming how fast Ramy grew used to calling him Robin, as if it is in fact his real name. It’s just that it fits, really fits, it’s that he looks like someone named Robin. Maybe, just maybe, Robin will become a part of their circle and Ramy will be able to keep this nickname to himself. Because in that case, he’ll learn Robin’s real name, and despite that, he’ll forever be a bird in Ramy’s mind, tiny, but memorable. 

Wait, Mirza, hold the horses, he steadies himself. This is just your second interaction, and you’ve known him for less than an hour in total. And you’re too old for that shit anyway. 

If Anand had been here – and given that he wouldn’t know that Robin is the reason behind these thoughts – he’d encourage Ramy to go for it. Have a bit of fun, blow the steam off. Remind himself what it’s like, to be on the edge, to have sensations overpower his body and to have every single nerve tingling. Remind himself that life doesn’t end the moment you turn fifty. But Anand isn’t here, and these thoughts are triggered by Robin, so his imaginary advice can go fuck itself. And Ramy doesn’t want to fuck him, what’s most important. He doesn’t do that, not because he’s too old, but because it takes him to open up emotionally first before allowing somebody to touch him that way. And emotional vulnerability isn’t something he can tolerate.

It leads only to mistakes, after all.

But sure there can’t be any harm in joking around? Even if Robin doesn’t stick around, even if it’s a one-day robbery – almost like a one-night stand, Ramy thinks, but not quite – he still can have a moment of lightness, an instant free of tension?

It’s not long before Robin snaps him out of the daydream. 

“Well, your voice gives it away. It sounds like you’ve been either smoking non-stop or screaming into the wall for the last three days or so. And honestly, you don’t strike me as the last type, so the conclusion is obvious. “

Ramy can’t help but laugh. No, Robin can’t be standing here and explaining to him how he deduced that Ramy is an avid smoker. What is this guy even doing here? He deserves a normal life, a quiet one, maybe even boring sometimes, anything but this. It’s too late for Ramy, he’s stuck in here forever, up until the moment he draws his last breath and his lungs give out, but Robin can still get out if he so wishes. No details about the operation were disclosed yet, and judging by the place Anand has chosen, they won’t learn anything new today as well, so he has time, and maybe Chakravarti would be so kind as to just let Robin go – if he pleads to be silent about the whole deal, that is.

But Ramy’s under the impression that that’s not what Robin wants. There’s something wretched in him, something borderline hysterical in the way he’s desperate to turn his life around. Ramy has no doubts that this is the first serious job for him, and there’s no way in hell he’d waste an opportunity to operate under Anand. This will open the road to work with anyone he pleases. 

Maybe Robin shouldn’t be here. But he is.

Ramy lingers just for a moment, unable to utter a single word, when he notices a familiar figure in the corner of his eye. The blonde girl looks lost, her eyes blinking in confusion. Dove, he reminds himself. Dove looks lost. 

“I’ll go rescue our bird, okay?” he notifies Robin, nodding at the girl. Just so that he doesn’t start worrying about where Ramy suddenly got off to. He winks at him for good measure before leaving for Dove, and Robin’s quickly spreading blush makes his heart beat just a tiny bit faster. 

Dove notices him not a moment later, her eyes widening in recognition. Any trace of confusion is now lost to the smile adorning her lips. Ramy steals an instant to take her in. Tall and well-built, she may be able to take Ramy down in a one-on-one fight. This makes his smile widen as well. An interesting addition to their team, to say the least, because out of their crew, only Anthony could boast physical might. Anand was too old for that shit, and Vic… Well, she’s just Vic. 

“Hey.” she greets him, extending her hand with a smile. Ramy is pleasantly shocked by her boldness. He tries to put up a friendly exterior when he can, but he knows his features aren’t doing him any favours. Eagle-like nose and sharp jawline make him look almost hostile, so he can’t help but be grateful for Dove’s ability to look past the appearance. 

“Great to see you here. “ Ramy answers in kind. “Ready for the second lesson?” 

Dove smirks.

“Ready as can be. Are other students already here?”

Ramy shakes his head. 

“Only Robin. Still waiting for Sparrow. And for Anand, of course.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask…” she trails off, as if unsure whether it’s a good idea at all. “But I don’t want to seem too intrusive.”

“Ask away. Better to clear everything up now than wait until there’s no more time.”

“Fair enough. So, why didn’t Anand think of a name for himself? I mean…”

“Don’t sweat it, I understand.” Ramy interrupts. “It just doesn’t make any sense for him to do so. All of us know who we’re working for, and it’s not like you’re gonna be walking around telling everyone you’re operating under Anand. And he’s not gonna be involved directly, that’s one more reason. He thinks the stuff through, we execute. Simple as that.”

“Got it. “ She nods. “Sorry, that was a dumb question.”

“It wasn’t. “ Ramy smiles encouragingly. “Everyone starts somewhere. Anyway, it’s time for you to meet our colleague.”

She follows him dutifully. Ramy doesn’t need to look back to feel it, with Dove’s eyes set on him, burning through his clothes and his skin. He almost feels unsettled under her gaze, before reminding himself to get it together. There’s a good reason for Dove to be drilling him with her look. He’s the most experienced one here, after all. The one who can give her the most info, so it’s better to be on his good side. There’s no guarantee that Anand or Anthony will be more willing to share anything but job details, so Ramy is her second-best choice. 

“Robin.” Dove greets him, inclining her head with a tiny smile. It’s perfect, almost eerily so. That’s the kind of smile you muster when you have no intention of letting others peer through your facade. 

Robin answers with a similar acknowledging nod, but Ramy can already sense the nervousness radiating off of him. His face betrays him with a startled expression, even if it lasts just a bit before Robin finally gets a hold of himself. When has Ramy become so skilled at reading Robin’s emotions, anyway?

He decides that it is Robin’s fault, in the end. Can’t blame Ramy for recognizing his emotions when the guy is so bad at hiding them. Ramy makes a mental note to talk to him about it, before realizing that he’s probably been staring for too long. God, he hopes that no one else noticed it. 

A waitress approaches their table not a minute later, but Ramy dismisses her with a smile, explaining that they’re still waiting for friends to arrive. She leaves them alone, and for a moment they sit in silence. Well, relatively, since the bar around them is still buzzing with lively talks and laughter.

There’s a brief moment where Ramy feels uneasy, as if someone is watching him, before someone’s hands settle on his shoulders. It’s nothing short of a miracle that he doesn’t jump up from his seat just like he wanted to, because that would be very unbefitting of an experienced robber in his late forties. Anthony’s laughter explodes in his ears before Ramy can smack him, and then he plops into the chair next to Ramy, all red and hiccuping. Ramy turns to see Anand behind, a hint of a smirk spreading on his lips. If they weren’t accompanied by the newbies, this would turn into full-bodied laughter. 

“Well, if this isn’t the great and scary Crane pissing his pants!” Vic adds, and Ramy is far more startled by her appearance than he was by Anthony’s. He hadn’t even noticed her, and that either indicates his own instincts dulling or Vic’s cornering skills getting better. He profoundly hopes that it’s the latter. 

From then on, it’s all laughter and jokes, and Ramy understands the true purpose of this meeting. The ice melts insanely fast, and soon enough, he can’t believe he ever thought Dove to be aloof or Robin to be a wallflower. He’s also surprised to find out how much you can share about yourself even without dabbling into personal details. It’s somewhat crazy that by the end of the evening, he knows whole episodes of their lives, and yet still doesn’t know their names. Ramy totally can see himself keeping contact with both Robin and Dove even after the whole deal is over, and the thought itself isn’t as terrifying as he’d expect it to be. What’s worse, it’s riveting . 

They order their drinks, and Ramy is pleased to learn that his and Robin’s tastes are similar. They both order a glass of whiskey, and after that, it’s no more alcohol for either of them at all. Vic makes a jab at Robin, pestering him about why won’t he drink a bit more, surely he doesn’t have to limit himself due to his age like Ramy does. Robin rolls his eyes at her and takes a sip of his orange juice, pretending not to notice when Vic’s hand reaches for his glass when she thinks he’s not watching. 

Dove is more of a wine lover, Ramy figures, which he’s not astonished to learn. That’s what you’d expect of her. What Ramy didn’t expect, though, was that she would remain relatively sober for the rest of the evening. Now, she probably won’t risk driving in this state, and there’s a blush to her cheeks that’s a little too bright to be considered natural, but she’s a far cry from Anthony, who’s growing more and more debauched by the minute. Ramy has no idea how much he drank, and he comes to regret this decision. He would very much like to know the amount by which Anthony has exceeded his limit. 

Anand orders some food, intending to share it with everyone, but most of it ends up ingested by Vic and Anthony, who smack each other’s hands more often than not, attempting to steal as many fries from Anand’s plate as possible. Chakravarti isn’t even trying to conceal the smile this time. He’s too far gone to care. 

And it’s refreshing to see Anand like this. Ramy almost lets himself dream of a world where this is a common occurrence. Where they meet up on a bi-weekly basis, where they get to discuss a little bit more than a narrow circle of topics that is allowed by the privacy rule, where Anand’s face is adorned with wrinkles from how often he laughs, not by big circles under his eyes because all sleep he could get that week was limited to six hours in total. Nothing bad can come out of those dreams, right? 

Especially if they remain that way forever. Just dreams. Dreams don’t hurt anyone unless you start acting up on them, Ramy knows as much.

There’s a moment where Ramy gets lost in it all, in the relaxation of the evening, in the сhatter around him, in the pleasant smiles surrounding him. He looks out of the window, watching the tiny droplets falling on the glass. It’s starting to rain, even though the forecast promised a cloudless weather for the entire day. Never should trust anyone, Ramy muses. 

His gaze travels left, then, where Robin is perched on a chair next to him, talking to Vic about something that Ramy has no idea about. Even so, he’s the happiest person alive, seeing the two get along so nicely. Ramy’s hand is suddenly its own creature, snaking into his pocket and finding a candy, one of those that he carries with him on a daily basis. He puts a treat next to Robin, waiting until Robin looks at him questioningly, then nods at it, gesturing for Robin to take it. Robin flashes him a smile that somehow makes Ramy’s insides turn upside down, before returning to the conversation with Vic. Who, by the way, isn’t easily fooled and definitely will remind Ramy about it. 

One way or another, all good things come to an end, and so the evening eventually does too. Anand dismisses them until further notice, explaining that he’ll contact them when necessary, and leaves them in a hurry, Anthony following him soon enough. Ramy’s left with Robin, Dove, and Vic, standing under the bar’s eave. 

“Hey, Crane…” Vic starts, and even though the nickname sounds odd falling from her lips, Ramy tries not to let it show. Better if neither Robin nor Dove is privy to the fact that Vic knows his real name. “I have a favour to ask of you. It’s raining and Dove doesn’t have an umbrella… Can I walk her to the bus stop? Don’t want her to get wet and catch a cold, what good would she be then…”

Vic ends up trailing off, words stuck in her mouth. Ramy can’t help but snicker at her trying to rationalize her own actions, as if she isn’t just caring and attentive by her nature. As if she needs to prove that Dove is useful to them, so that she can help her. 

“Fine. Anand won’t hear a word of it. “ Ramy assures her with a tiny knowing smile. “But only if you promise me something in return.”

Now, Ramy knows that it wasn’t necessary for him to do this. Vic wouldn’t tell Anand either way, because as much as she held a lot of loyalty towards him, she somehow held even more of it towards Ramy. Which should’ve scared him, in all honesty, but it doesn’t. It feels reassuring. That someone has his back unconditionally.

“Hm?” Vic asks. “What is it?” 

“I’ll give our new friend here a ride. Not home, obviously, but… Y’know.”

Vic knows. Robin’s head wouldn’t be on his shoulders for much longer if he ever told Ramy where he lives, not when they had known each other for less than a day in total. Not even if they had known each other for years. So Vic nods, silently promising to keep her mouth shut. This is just them helping each other out, isn’t it? Anand threw a little bonding activity for them himself, so why can’t they take it just a bit further? Yes, Ramy’s a professional, as he told himself a million times by now, but he’s so damn tired . Tired and longing. He shouldn’t be longing by now, but oh, he does. He longs for simple human interaction. For being able to let his guard down without winding up with a bullet under his rib. Even if it’s too late for him, it’s not too late for Vic yet. Least of all he wishes for her to get hurt or disappointed, but he would forever curse himself if she never knew real friendship outside of their circle at all. It’s good to have a tight-knit group, but sometimes it just feels like suffocation. 

What Anand doesn’t know can’t hurt him, Ramy decides. 

Apparently Vic thinks the same way, because she’s all too quick to nod. She may’ve decided to help him with whatever he would ask her to, Ramy thinks, and damn if that doesn’t make his hardened heart just a little bit softer. Not enough to be punctured, but enough to be felt. 

“See ya.” Vic drops, before turning to face Dove. She opens her umbrella above the girl’s head, earning her a grateful smile that seems to dissipate the clouds, and walks away, leaving Ramy and Robin in her wake, submerged in silence. 

“So, should we leave too? I can drop you a few blocks away from your place, if you’d like… Sorry, I should’ve asked first.”

“No, no, it’s fine, don’t even worry. “ Robin is quick to reassure him, smiling bashfully. “That’s really sweet of you. Thanks.”

Ramy beams at him, gesturing for Robin to get in the car. He plops onto the passenger seat, stretching his arms, and groans appreciatively, causing Ramy’s attention to fall on him immediately. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly Ramy’s eyes dart to him, and Ramy prays to all gods that Robin doesn’t notice him staring. He feels dumb all of a sudden, having established that their relationship is that of coworkers and that way it should stay, and still being unable to resist the urge to devote every single bit of his attention to Robin. Like a moth to a flame.

It’s only a matter of time until his wings get burned off, then?

Maybe this time it’ll be it. Even so, he doesn’t care.

“You want to get something to eat? You barely ate anything at the bar, and looking at you, I can’t tell that you frequent Michelin restaurants. Or anything other than McDonald's, for that matter.” Ramy suggests, pulling out of the parking lot. 

Robin eyes him for a brief moment, considering the offer, then shakes his head. “Nope,” he says eventually. “Gotta save up some money, and learning to cook wouldn’t be too bad either. Can’t cook for shit, man, which is embarrassing when you’ve just hit thirty-seven.”

Ramy barely stops himself from whistling. Thirty-seven, wow. He’d never guess. 

“Your loss.” He shrugs instead, but Robin seems not to be done yet. 

“Maybe… Maybe another time? I’d really love to spend more time with you, it’s just that…”

“It’s alright, man.” All of a sudden, Ramy finds himself fighting the urge to put a hand on Robin’s shoulder, just as a kind of soothing gesture. But he doesn’t. It can easily be too much. He has no idea as to how Robin would react, too. “Don’t have to explain it to me. Another time it is.”

Now, Ramy’s completely conscious of the fact that this is where he fully crossed the line. He knows that this is what Anand won’t close his eyes to, that this behaviour is what can get him into some real trouble if anyone learns of it. 

But he’s just as conscious of his wish to live his life to the fullest, just one single time. Even if they decide to break it off at the very beginning, Ramy wouldn’t be mad. He knows when it’s time to stop. 

“Next Wednesday, say, seven in the evening? Works for you?”

Robin seems to be in his thoughts once again, as if reviewing his mental calendar before responding.

“Yep, it does. Do you have any suggestions where we should go, or…?”

“I know a place, they serve some awesome Indian cuisine. If it’s ok with you, of course…”

Robin smiles.

“It is. I haven’t tried it, but I’m willing to risk it. Let’s say I believe in your good judgment.”

Ramy’s answering smile grows even wider, he can feel it, and it almost terrifies him. It’s just a simple meal, nothing that should get him this excited, like he’s sixteen again and it’s his first date all over again. Doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get drunk off the feeling, that he doesn’t revel in it and that it doesn’t make his soul sing.

“It’s a deal, then.”

After that, it’s mostly silence, save for Robin telling Ramy where to drop him off, but it’s not a heavy type that makes your skin crawl with desperation to end it. On the contrary, it’s soothing, comforting. The one that envelops him like a blanket, and by stealing another glance at Robin Ramy knows that he feels the same. 

Eventually, the ride comes to an end, which Ramy is sorry about. It turns out to be a pleasant pastime, to drive around in Robin’s company. Before this, the salon of Ramy’s car only held association with stress and fear, evoking all kinds of dreadful memories. Those memories are here to stay, they didn’t magically perish the moment Robin entered the car. But there’s also place for something new now, for something that doesn’t make Ramy want to assume a fetal position and cry for two hours straight. For something that will make him smile instead. 

“So, here you go.” Ramy says, stopping the car. “Had a lot of fun, dude.” He adds, because there’s no way he’d ever be kissing someone he called dude. Call that preventive therapy. 

“Thanks again, was awesome to meet you.” Robin blushes, trying to mask his shame with a cough, which only makes it worse. Ramy allows himself one cheeky grin, before forcing his face to become stoic. “And others too, of course.”

God. Robin’s not making it any easier for him. 

They part their ways, and the fact that Ramy’s not even trying to calculate Robin’s place of residence is telling him a lot. It can’t be too far away, because that would simply make no sense, but Ramy isn’t willing to dwell on it any longer. More realistically, he’s not able to, his mind being occupied by something else. 

Ramy tries to go about his day as usual, doing the laundry, vacuuming the apartment and trying to read a book, which turns out to be impossible with his mind slipping back to Robin. He looks at his apartment in a new way, imagining, what it would be like, to have Robin here. To have Robin visit him for a cup of coffee, or tea, or whatever Robin likes. Ramy doesn’t know, and it only prompts him to want to know. He wants to uncover Robin’s personality, bit by bit, just to see what those shards can tell him. This is so unlike getting on someone’s good side just to stab them later, or to undermine their authority. Ramy thinks that he’s long forgotten how is it, to care for the sake of caring. Save for Vic, no other person has been a constant in his life. Even with Anand it’s been different. Anand holds some power over him. Robin does not. 

Ramy finds himself unable to answer the question of why Robin became something more than a colleague to him. Even so, lying in bed and closing his eyes, he sees Robin’s face.

It smiles at him. It beckons him to sleep.