Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1- Bad Boy Biden UwU

It was three in the morning, and Elon and Donald were both asleep. Or were they? Trump started to stir in his sleep, interrupting his dreams about….. his secret rizzler boyfriend.

Elon and Donald have been dating for a few years now, and all seemed to be well. But Donald always felt that something was off…. You see, Trump is an Omega, pretending to be an alpha so the really skibidi American people will love him. No one wants an Omega president, after all. But since Trump is an Omega, he craves for an Alpha. He needs one, it’s in his instincts.

And that’s where Joe comes in. Biden, an alpha, a certified gooner, and a former president. He has been having a secret affair with Trump for three months now. Elon still doesn’t know. Donald feels…. A little bad about doing this to his baby girl, but he needs the dominance of an alpha.

Trump carefully gets out of bed, making sure to not disturb Elon in his sleep. He’s wearing his uwu maid lingerie, the lingerie that Trump loves. Donald creeps over to the window, dressed in his favorite Hawk Tuah girl pajamas. He hops out of the White House window, and lands on his big butt, right on the ground outside his window.

Biden is already waiting for him, dressed in his usual leather jacket with studs, tight leather pants, and sunglasses. He looks….. so skibidi Ohio sigma rizz. Joe pulls Donald closer, making Trump blush. “Hey BBG, I missed you my little sigma.” He growls into Donald’s ear. (AN:Nah I’m tweaking out rn)

That just made Donald blush even more, Joe had this way of turning him on and making him even more addicted. Trump was addicted. To the rush, the thrill, the secret, it made him feel so alive again. And he just couldn’t help it. Donald couldn’t help feel that his Dommy Mommy (Daddy), was just such a fine shyt.

“I missed you too, Joe.” Donald says, leaning into Joe. Biden pulls him in for a kiss, their lips connecting and their tongues locking. Then, they start to make out, Trump pulling Joe against the wall.

Meanwhile, Elon has started to stir in his sleep. He wakes up to find that his boyfriend isn’t in bed with him. That’s odd…… Elon feels a little hurt by this. Why isn’t Donald here? Maybe he’s just in the bathroom, or already at his office. Yeah, that’s it. Or at least he’s telling himself that. He has to have some faith in Donald. Right? He’s his little skibidi after all.

Elon gets out of bed, and rushes over to the bathroom. In there, he begins to cry. He just can’t handle this anymore, the emotions he feels are just too much! He sinks down to his knees, sobbing. He doesn’t even understand why he’s crying anymore, he just wants to let it all out.

Twenty painful minutes later, Elon pulls himself together. He’s Elon Musk! A genius! The richest man on Earth! And uncertified gooner! He can’t be behaving like this! So, Elon gets up, and leaves the bathroom.

He puts on his favorite AI generated suit, it’s Tesla themed and his shirt says “UwU”. He walks out of the bedroom, but not without sparing one last glance to the empty spot on the bed. He misses Donald…….

Elon Musk pushes through, and heads off to his office. He enters in, giving the no-no salute to everyone he sees in the office. They all just scurry away. Which makes Elon feel even sadder, he might be depressed….. But he just wants his uwu-pookie-senpai- daddy Donald back!

He steps into his office, ready for a full day of work. But he just doesn’t feel like it today. His assistant, a blonde lady who looks scared out of her mind to be working here, knocks on his door. “Sir, I have brought breakfast!” She calls.

Elon lets her in, and she sets the tray down. Coffee and an omelet, the perfect breakfast. As Elon eats, he thinks. About Donald, about his work, even about his….. secret boyfriend….

No! Elon can’t think about him, or Donald. He has stuff to do! Like…… build a cyber truck? Were there some problems with those? Nah, he knows they are perfect. Well, today he will just work on Space X. What a great idea!

After his breakfast, Elon begins to work. But he can’t focus. Too much is on his mind. So, at around six o’ clock, he takes a break. A c.ai break to be specific. He just doesn’t know what to do. Maybe he should spend some time with his kids…. Wait, kids? He doesn’t have any kids.

His mind goes back to his secret boyfrien- I mean, Donald. Elon sighs. He loves Trump, but…. He needs an alpha. Elon is a beta, and Trump is an omega. Because of this, Elon feels so drawn to alphas. He needs one. (Just like Trump)

CLANG! Something hit his window. What the sigma? Elon just looked at it, there was nothing and nobody. Maybe he’s hallucinating from old age or something, or maybe he’s crazy.

Elon Musk stares out the window, it’s a big glass one, elegant and refined. Just like the rest of his office. It’s built for the rizziest of rizzlers, the ultimate gooners. Which makes Elon feel like he doesn’t deserve it sometimes, he’s only been able to pull two hoes. Not the rizziest, to be honest.

Maybe one day he will become the rizziest of the rizzlers, maybe one day he will become a skibidi sigma. Or maybe one day, he will become and anime waifu, his dream. Who knows? But for now, he is just Elon Musk.

CLANG! Something hits his window again. Rock? Bird? Stick? Duolingo? Ballerina Cappuccina? Elon checks his window again, and it’s none of those things. It’s his- Elon rushes outside, setting his phone with the c.ai Toxic Mafia Boss character down on his desk.

His secret boyfriend waits outside, leaning on his motorcycle. For now, Elon forgets Donald, forgets their relationship. All that matters is him, and his secret boyfriend. The rizziest rizzler in all of the fifty states and fifteen territories. The most skibidi, dress to impress baddie out there. Joe, Joe Biden, his secret boyfriend.

The end of Chapter 1

Word Count: 1068
I ain’t writing any more for this chapter.

Chapter Text

(Elon’s POV)

When he saw Joe, Elon came running down the stairs. He ran past employees and everything in the office, his AI generated suit whipping in the wind. He couldn’t believe it! A distraction was exactly what he needed today. And Biden, being the rizzy bombastic gooner he was, made this better.

Once he reached Joe, Biden pulled him in. “I missed you, my little uwu skibidi baby girl.” He whispered into Elon’s ear. Musk shudders, and blushes. “U-uw-u, I m-issed y-you too.” He squeals out. His voice is high pitched, and whiny.

That makes Joe smirk, and pull Elon closer. He growls into Musk’s ear, his voice low and dominant. “BBG, tell me what you want from me. Say my name, babydoll.” Elon shivers, and blushes even harder.

“I-I want y-ou, my d-daddy-king-senpai-pookie-Dommy-daddy J-Joe. U-uw-u.” Elon says cutely. (A/N: I think I’m losing it.) Biden then pulls Elon in for a sloppy kiss, and pushes Musk against the wall.

This is what he has been wanting all day. Joe can satisfy him in ways Donald just can’t… Biden is an alpha after all. And a super duper rizzy skibidi one at that. As they make out, Elon is in pure bliss, Joe is too. They are so focused on each other, that they don’t even hear the footsteps approaching him. They don’t hear the tray drop behind them with a BANG. And they sure as hell don’t see the omega who dropped the tray.

Meanwhile, Donald had been having a pretty not sigma day. He started it off by arguing with the Prime Minister of Canada for three hours, and then after a quick lunch for big backs, he posted on Twitter. Actually he posted on Twitter a lot. Trump is just really skibidi rizz sigma like that.

But his mind couldn’t stop thinking about Joe and Elon. Sometimes Trump felt bad about cheating on Elon, but he just couldn’t help himself! That’s what he’s been telling himself at least.

Trump decided to do something for Elon, to surprise him with something. It would make Trump feel better about cheating on him, and Elon feel better about their relationship. So, Donald immediately got to work preparing a gift basket. He put in a skibidi toilet cake, Elon’s favorite, a miniature cyber truck, rocket ship rizzler coffee cup, chocolates that said things like ‘Your my beta’, and cat ears.

Trump set off into the night, the rizziest gooner basket in hand. He skipped all the way to Elon’s office, humming the tune of ‘big back’ along the way. Elon would love his present.

Or at least, Trump hoped he would. There was something in his gut telling him that something was wrong, Donald tried to ignore it though. But the hints of anxiety did push him to pick up his pace to Elon’s office. Once he got there, rapping on his senpai’s door, the scared lady, most likely his assistant, spoke up.

”Urm, Mister President, Trump-“ Trump corrected her. “Just call me alpha, princess (a/n stop what in the Wattpad am i doing).” “Oh, um, okay. Er well, since I’m assuming you are looking for Mr. Musk, just know he isn’t in his office right now. He’s outside.“ The nervous lady chattered. Trump just sighed, and without a thanks to that beta ah assistant, just left to go find his pookie.

THUD. His super skibidi gift basket hit the ground. What the Ohio alpha sigma in the thick of it fuck was going on?

There was HIS senpai, HIS pookie, HIS Elon kissing another man- Wait, a minute, who in the 67 was that? Donald had not been expecting to walk up on this, but maybe he should have listened to his gut feeling. Oh well, hindsight is not very sigma rizz.

”E-Elon? Pookie?”

(POV Switch-both POV’s at the same time now)
When Elon heard that sound behind him and that familiar voice, he immediately knew something was wrong. After a minute, Elon pulled away from Joe to see what was going on.

It was… Donald. “Senpai?” Musk’s voice quivered. Why was his pookie, his Popeyes biscuit, his chicken nugget without the sauce, the six to his seven, here? This wasn’t good at all. “Joe? How c-could you do this to me?” Donald asked, sounding like he was 67 million years old already.

“Donald Daddy, what are you talking about? Alpha-Joe?” Elon asked, confusion twisting onto his clanker type face.

“Really pookie? Is that all you have to say for yourself, Elon-chan?” Trump was right. Cheating was not very sigma, not very skibidi at all.

Although guilt had started to surge through the dark-haired beta, Elon felt that something was off. What was his Donald bbg not telling him? What was Daddy Joe not telling him?

The tension in the room could even be seen by a c.ai chatbot.

“Daddy Donald, I’m sorry. But you have to understand-“ Donald cut Elon off. “Save it, babydoll.” Musk almost started to cry at how his omega sounded, Donald’s usual warm aura was gone. His nonchalant air? Faded.

Trump stepped towards Elon, purposely stepping on the abandoned tray that still rested on the ground. Elon hadn’t even noticed that Donald had brought a tray with him. Elon couldn’t help but be curious on the probably super tough contents that were once on it.

“Both of you have betrayed me!” Trump exclaimed sigma-y, jabbing a finger into both of their faces.

“Elon-san, you were my bbg. Do you even know how much Dubai chocolate I would have gotten you? How many Labubu’s I would have given you?”

Tears streamed down Trump’s neon orange face. Elon stood frozen, like a marble statue of Tung Tung Tung Sahur. And Joe? He puffed out his chest, his inner nonchalant mafia boss showing.

“J-Joe Daddy, how could you do this to me?!?” Donald cried out.

Wait, what? What had Donald just called Joe?

“Donald bbg, you know what kind of alpha I am. I can’t just settle for one hoe to dominate.” Biden growled toughly.

And it all went in place for Elon. The pieces finally clicked.

They had both been cheating on each other with Joe. At the same time. Both of the, wanted an alpha in their lives, and sacrificed each other to get what they wanted. They had sacrificed their Discord mod love for this.

That was not a sigma thing to do. They were both at fault here (no crap). But do you really think they will act their age, and handle this like grown adults should? Absolutely not.

Tears were falling down Elon’s face too. Biden took this as his cue to leave, crying was not something he thought was tough. This would be the perfect time to make a really gooner exit. “I’ll take my leave now. Don’t contact me again.” It was clear that he was talking to both of them.

And then, Biden left, his alpha rizziness disappearing along with him.

Elon and Trump were left alone. Either to goon this out, or to fix their relationship. They were both clearly heartbroken by the other’s actions.

They were in extreme disbelief. Shock. Anger. A million indescribable emotions. And they both felt the other was to blame completely. You might be able to tell that taking accountability for their actions is neither of their strong suits.

“How could you do this to me, baka? I kept the secret of you being an omega from the country, and this is how you repay me?!?”

Elon lunged at Trump, bearing his teeth in a skibidi way. Trump was not intimidated by his antics.

“Y-you are the problem here! Was I not enough for you? Is that why you cheated? And if we are talking about secrets, then you should be thankful to me for not revealing your secret cybertruck formula!!!!” Trump yelled, stuttering slightly.

Elon was furious. Trump was too. How dare he?!?

“That’s it!” Elon exclaimed, “I’m done with you, senpai! We are over!” Elon was practically barking at this point. It was super tough.

Trump was in shock for about 41 milliseconds before he was filled with even more rage. The rage made his orange face start to turn red. He was unleashing his sigma mode.

“Oh yeah? Well I never want to see your ugly ass in the Trump House (cough *The White House *cough) again!” Trump yelled back. Elon was being a bad girl, and that made him truly unleash his sigma mode even more.

The heartbreak(and anger) was overwhelming them both.

Elon then began to bark at Trump, and Donald joined in, barking at Musk back. They barked at each other for 67 minutes straight.

Then, Elon backshoted into the air with a roar, and ran into his cybertruck. Trump meowed toughly in response as Elon drove off into the distance.

Trump’s POV:

Back at the ‘Trump House’, Trump had been sulking in his circle office (he doesn’t know his shapes yet) for a few hours now. He just didn’t understand why his anime waifu Elon had cheated on him. Sure, Trump had done the same, but that was different.

Donald backshoted his desk out of rage. “Gah! I have no idea what to do!! Grrrrrrrrr! Bark! Bark! Bark!” He backshoted the desk again. “I’ll show him! I’ll make Elon a laughing stock!”

It’s not like Trump cares about Elon anymore. The pain fuels him. He can’t even feel the pain anymore. The monsters in his head were taking over. It was like the feeling you get when your Roblox gf breaks up with you. (Timmy Tuffknuckles over here)

Trump dropped to all fours and crawled over to his computer. How shall he embarrass Elon-Chan? He could……

Uhhhh…. Um….. ehhh…..

He could goon to Elon’s cat maid pictures on Discord???? Trump was out of ideas. So he’ll do what he does best. And that is to make things up. He could forge something. Or shame Elon publicly. Trump just needed some revenge.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-

Twitter! That was it. The app who was practically Trump’s best friend was the perfect way to get revenge. Trump opened up the Twitter app on his phone, and began to write his tweet.

A tweet that Donald hoped would ruin Elon forever…..

A/N:
I don’t even know what to say gang. I barely know what I’m writing anymore. Anyways, thank you for all of the kind comments, and thank you for all the reads. It’s so insane how many reads this fic has gotten already😭😭 I apologize for not getting a chapter out sooner, I’m really bad at NOT procrastinating and my life has been busy. Tbh I wrote most of this at school, so make of that what you will.

The next chapter (maybe two, depends) will be written by my amazing co-author!! Get ready for some peak writing (as peak as this can get) from her!!!!

I can’t believe this is what we are doing with our lives.