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Max is a four-time world champion, he drives F1 cars like a maniac. He is a type to commit to every bit, like he has things to prove and honestly he might have. Cause he will never forget the time he walked out of the most meaningful relationship he ever had in his life, more than his father, mother or sister could give. His first boyfriend, they ended the relationship in a horrible way, the one that is entirely his fault. He can't keep good things in his life. He said the things he regretted to Alex. Something so terrible that makes him tremble every time he closes his eyes.
Then Alex gone—-with his heart broken and those sad puppy eyes. The Thai-Brit driver never blamed him one bit, but the look in his eyes, in the man's eyes who never once during their relationship had ever looked at him with that utter disappointment. Max felt his chest clutching thinking about that look. Three years later and he can't even move on. Not when Alex had clearly established boundaries, not when he found some pretty girl that was also the daughter of a rich man which he also can't keep a relationship with, nor when the Dutch anthem played during his final grand prix won indicates his frist world championship win.
The Australian gp track seem to be vibrating with noise and color, the first grand prix on the calendar. Max found himself looking at both William drivers more than the appropriate amount. They seem to be doing well, and see alex and carlos getting along is like a punch in his gut. To his past teammates relationship with alex. Or during the driver parade where George put his long finger on Alex shoulder, the touch they share, the look they gave each other, is like another stab of dagger to the dutch heart. Knowing that only a surface of their connection he lost. During winter break he try to convince himself that he could do it- another year of watch the love of his life, who he driven away, being in the same place, acting so carefree, so angel more than the saint himself. God— max is losing it. His breath hitch every time the black eyes looked past him. His movement stiff when they walk past each other. He just want to press the man on the track wall, body to body, and kiss him senseless. The only thing that restrained him is the fact that they are nothing.—- not a teammate, not a lover, not even close friends. Max vestappen, the four time world champion is completely a transparent object in alex albon life.
The race passed as blurry as it can possibly get when you are driving faster than 300km/hr. He park his car in p2, behind norris, one of his closer circle in the paddock. Then he looks around and see ‘Russell’ Alex's best friend,the man who he had an undeniable feeling to give a middle finger to every time they met. He ignored the pang of jealousy in his mind and continued to contain his professional act, media duty, champagne on the podium, etc. it was after all of that he had time to look through everything again, the race is fine, p2 isn't ideal but it is what he can work with. He sat in his team debrief focusing on his race but he saw ‘A. Albon p5’ , flow of emotion rushing through his brain like a rope for a hanging hiker on a cliff. He grip the edge of the table so tight that his knuckles turn whiter than an A4 paper.
“Are you coming?”
The voice barely registered in his mind as he looked at one of the engineers with a confused look.
“Let go to after party” the guy gestures with his shoulder
He always goes, he love party but today he feels too much. He crave the silence of his own hotel room and comfy bed that might made him forget the wound in his heart so he put out some lame excuse and left the incoherent noise of disappointed people to go pack for the day. He walk past william motor home, the sound of cheerful laughter and joy hunted behind his back. He stops, considers for a long moment to walk in, to say congratulations, to let the older know how proud Max is of him. But in what position could he say at? An enemy? Ex lover? Or just stranger. He closed his eyes painfully and decided to walk away. He set determination goal to walk to his car without tear falling down dramatically or screaming into nonexistent void. He took a corner to avoid the press, somewhere in a silent corridor, then the sound of footsteps echoed in the background which was definitely not his, it was lighter with a faint sound of something playing on a phone. Max strained his back immediately.
Three seconds passed
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Five second passed
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Ten seconds passed
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“Oh,hi”
sweet voice with a little wave, nobody other than his sun light in the dark. Max smiles back as it is the only thing he knows how to do.
“Hi”
The silence follows awkwardly. Max grab the edge of a mysterious box that pile beside him and choke out a breathless sound.
“What again?”
Alex tiled his head in a meticulous way that max stomach flip 360 degree, worse than all corner of the triangle. He panicked, don't know what to do. But Alex seems to understand. The man nod politely and trying to walk pass him while murmur
“Congrat on p2”
But before he could slip away max grab his wrist and pull him closer. Before pressing his former teammate's body on a cold wall, in a quiet hall, make a loud crash sound.
“W—-What?, you okay max”
Max with a look of a man possessed just whispered “congratulations”
And the look on Alex fave can be called as just purely comedic. His pupils blow wide , his muscles stiffen and his mouth parts slightly.
“Thank you, I guess”
Alex tiled his hand slightly, observe the man in front of him
“I—-i ….”
Max tried to say something but he just couldn't. He stood quietly in front of his first love, confession creeping in his wind pipe. His body completely shut down while holding Alex's hand and pressing his body against the Thai-Brit. He felt breathless for thousands of times in the past three years. A dam of emotion start to form a crack in his mental and he could felt it
“I miss you” he choked out the word again
Alex seems to be even more surprised. But Max can't see this, he closes his eyes instinctively , waiting for a cold shoulder and a push, but it never comes.
Instead a warm and smooth lip covers his own in a swift moment. He can feel the hot air, the anticipation in the kiss, start to get from innocently to hot and heavy kisses. After a few seconds their tongue intervenes with others, leaving them both suffering from lack of air and hot sensation of want. Alex is the one who part his lip first. With a shaky voice and sad look.
“Why….max, are you really doing this? It's been so many years, i —- i dont understand you are the one who…”
Max feels the lump in his throat but his mouth moves without thinking. The emotion of his just pouring out faster than a hurricane in water.
“In all these years, never once I didn’t regret what I said. You are everything to me Alex. My first real meaningful relationship, my first experience with a man in a sexual way, my first mind blowing orgasm, which sound a bit… erg but yeah you are basically my life, i realise i cant be without you, i can't stop feeling the need to see you, to touch you, to give you everything to see you smile. I can't stop myself from being jealous of what you have with other people, with your best friend, with your teammate, with anyone. I want to be in your eyes, I want to be who you desire for, to be the person who you care for. I was a terrible person alex and I don't want you to forgive me for it. I just want another chance, to savage what could be left for us.”
It maybe the pleading tone, or the valuability in the younger that made Alex's gaze soften in an instant. It not like alex is cold hearted, quite the opposite. He is the type of person who would make a flower bloom with just words accompanied with a hint of unique dry sarcasm that can make the toughest person flinch. Max clings to Alex body like he is receiving the final verdict on a court matter. Alex hesitated but answered.
“I had felt so disappointed, so so much when you walked out on us, when you said that i dont qualify enough, when you posted public opinion on me like it made you a better person, you gave me nothing but a bitter feeling. Even when I know we are something, something worth the obstacle Max.”
Max felt as if someone dropped an entire ice bucket on top of his body. His hands trembled, his mind racing faster than any car, his body shook from translating the sentence again and again in his mind. He felt sick to his stomach. And the worst part? Alex is right.
“Alex …i …i , i am sorry”
“Shhhh…”
Warm, smooth, slightly tanned finger press over his mouth, and Max lost any word he might have had before. Alex continued speaking
“But I love you. Max emillian vestappen. You are one of the most important things in my life that I can't ignore. I would never imagine it would be possible for you to say all of this. I look at you all these years and see nothing but what i cant have anymore. I am equally jealous of anyone that is close to you. Left redbull is hard but leaving you is harder.”
The rim of Alex's eyes filled with liquid. ‘Salty’ Max thought as he leaned in to lick it off, and he was rewarded with a beautiful red patch that spread on honey tanned skin.
“Would we be able to put it all past us and start again?”
“Yes, yes yes” Alex gasped between kisses and soft tongue lapping on his skin from his former teammate, (ex) lover. And his biggest enemy on track.