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Great Master Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had always considered himself a reasonable guy. Sure, he was a total sellout when it came to his writing. Whatever the paying customers wanted he would surely deliver…it put food on the table, afterall. And then there was the way he engaged in his own comment section to help stir up drama to hopefully generate more views, but really, he was just doing what he had to do to get by! Your typical late 20s male who lived alone would be doing any list of untoward things to make money and have a good time, but all he did was write a serialized web novel from his cave-like bedroom, never hurting anyone at all!

So how was it that he now found himself having been sucked into some weird alternate universe that may or may not be the aforementioned serialized web novel…

Where the fuck was he, then, if he was a part of his own creation, Proud Immortal Demon Way ? 

Was this his own personal hell? 

He was grateful, at the very least, to have been given all of his subsequent memories, but to be put into a baby where he couldn’t even talk? This was cruel and unusual punishment.

And was he doomed to be cannon fodder?

Belatedly, Great Master Airplane realized what he’d previously considered to be cruel and unusual punishment was actually just the tip of the iceberg. 

One afternoon, while being carried around by his new mother, he overheard his mother and father have a conversation about the circumstances of his birth. 

“Our perfect little Qinghua…what a wonderful addition to the Shang family,” his mother had said. “I feel so blessed to have carried him.”

Wait. Qinghua…? Shang Qinghua? He was the An Ding Peak Lord… in Proud Immortal Demon Way …he really was doomed to be cannon fodder.

“He’s perfect, just like his mother,” his father had replied.

Oh great, his parents were in love . Maybe these ones wouldn’t get divorced. 

“Do you think he’ll be over four inches, like you, dear?”

…

Huh?

Surely he’d misheard.

“My father was four inches, and my brother is just under, so I’d say his chances of hitting four inches are pretty good. I know he’s going to grow up to be a wonderful Borrower.”

What do you mean I’m gonna have a chance at being four inches tall? How is that a fact to be happy about? Is this some kind of sick joke? I never wrote about four inch tall people! What the fuck! This is basically a death sentence! And what the fuck is a Borrower?! Shang Qinghua was only a baby, so of course he couldn’t say any of this out loud, but he certainly thought it as loudly as he could fathom. 

Of course, fake yelling hadn’t made him feel any better about his situation.

As he was spiraling out of control internally, resulting in his parents thinking he was fussing over a dirty diaper, something appeared in his vision. [Enter the system]. A large red window, something you’d probably see in a modern virtual reality game, appeared in front of him with text written all over it. Unexpectedly, the window began to speak.

[Actually, four inch tall persons do, in fact, exist in Proud Immortal Demon Way . In one of the later chapters, you introduced wife #690 for Luo Binghe who was the same size as you are now,] the System chimed in.  

What the fuck?

Shang Qinghua looked around his nursery in alarm, worried his parents might have heard the blaring voice of this automated system or whatever that had just appeared in his room because he was currently in the middle of having his diaper changed.

[Only the user can see or hear anything from the System. Do not worry.]

So now he was talking to some kind of video game/transmigration system while his mother was wiping his ass. He really needed to learn to let go of his shame, and fast. This was literally going to keep happening.

Being a baby as an adult sucked. Literally. He was breastfeeding still. 

But…what the System had said was right. It was just barely at the edge of his memory, that one chapter he’d written about Binghe’s tiny wife that had stumbled upon a hurt Binghe while she’d been gathering herbs for herself. The herbs she’d gathered just so happened to aid in healing, so she’d helped him recover and because he was thankful (and some amount of protagonist halo magic), she’d been able to take on a normal, human-sized form before too long. Then they’d gotten married and entertained themselves in the bedroom (in great detail, much to the fan’s delight) before Binghe had gotten his fill and moved on to his next conquest. 

She was a one-off, though. He hadn’t included any back story for her at all because it just wasn’t important . She was purely a tool used to delight his readers, something a little different than Binghe’s normal wives. She didn’t matter!

So how had he ended up in a body the size of hers when more people like her weren’t supposed to exist?

[Due to a system error, you have been transmigrated into the species of wife #690.]

Shang Qinghua blinked rapidly and said nothing. A system error?! Could anything be done about that?

[Nothing can be done about this,] the System supplied. [Since the details were left ambiguous, the System has creative control over the species information for both wife #690 and Shang Qinghua.]

So…that was it then?

The System had…creative control? That couldn’t be a good thing for him.

He was basically a mole in human clothes. Right out of Thumbelina, but not the right character! He didn’t want to be the mole, he wanted to be the fairy princess! Thumbelina went through some shit, sure, but she was born as a whole ass adult! She got to meet a prince! And get married! And grow wings! Where was his prince? Where were his wings? Why was he transmigrated into a mother-fucking baby!?  

And, would he ever get a human-sized body like wife #690 that he couldn’t even remember the name of!?

He had, of course, yelled all of those thoughts out loud right at the systems (proverbial) face, and instead of doing anything to help his plight, show concern, or even pity him, it simply took what it wanted from the Thumbelina narrative and said, [Would you like to transmigrate into a female baby of this species instead?]

System, WTF?!?!  

So the “nothing can be done about this” was just an act. The truth of the matter was that the System didn’t want to do anything about it.

Pompous Asshole of a System.

The System didn’t let him start any quests until he unlocked them, which apparently were all age-restricted. His first quest came at the age of three, when he was finally able to string together a few sentences coherently and be left alone to play without his parents hovering. This first quest was reasonably well paced, and he had to give it to the system for having reasonable expectations of a three year old. 

The first several quests were essentially just story missions, laying out some basic exposition for what he supposed was his overall mission in being transmigrated here in the first place. Because apparently it wasn’t just a version of hell he had to suffer through, living through his own fan-pandering terrible writing. No, his overall mission was apparently to suffer at the System's whims. No, truthfully, he had no idea of the System's overall goals for him. But at least in his current quest line, his objective was clear: Find out what’s going on from his parents. 

This was easier said than done, though, as it had taken Shang Qinghua nearly a year to complete the first quest, and he was disappointed to find out that the only reward was to unlock the subsequent quest in the chain…

Once he’d reached age 10, he had a pretty good grasp on the situation. He was, afterall, quite astute for his age (given he’d lived almost 30 years prior to this life…he’d damn well better be astute). As it turned out, they lived under the floorboards of one of the buildings on An Ding Peak, one of the Peaks of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. So at least the System had had the decency to place him near a useful location…but why had it chosen An Ding Peak ?! The most boring and trivial of all the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect peaks…  

It was at this point that Shang Qinghua decided it would be in his best interest to begin cultivating…it was a shame he couldn’t do so under a master, but he wrote the damn book, afterall. They didn’t know anything he didn’t. 

Probably.

After he’d turned 14, his father had taken him along with him on one of his missions, and Shang Qinghua had completed his first “Borrowing”, as his father had called it. In reality, they had only left the building’s crawl space through a hole in the floor and stolen a few things, but this had been enough to satisfy his current quest, only the fourth one since he’d been “born” here.

[Mission “Take That Which Is Now Yours”: Completed,] the System announced. 

What a dumb name for a quest.

[Quests are named after quotes from Proud Immortal Demon Way ,] the System responded to his insult. 

What the fuck!? How had the system even heard that? All he’d done was think it. And was it insulting his writing? That was a low blow.

[All thoughts are heard when engaging with the System.]

…

Of course.

You’d think he’d have figured that out after 14 years but apparently he hadn’t cared enough before to notice…

“Ok then, did this quest have a reward for completion?” Shang Qinghua spoke to it directly, as if that gave him some semblance of dignity back.

[Mission “Take That Which Is Now Yours” completion reward has already been deposited in your inventory. The next quest has been unlocked. Would you like to begin it now?]

“Wait a goddamn minute, I have an inventory?”

[The inventory was awarded after completing the first quest, “Stop Crying and Start Talking”.]

He had completed that quest when he was three...

“Why didn’t you tell me I had an inventory then?”

[All mission rewards are available to view upon accepting a mission.]

So it was blaming him.

That fact aside…

“How big is this inventory, and what can I put in it?”

[Quest rewards and any item you’ve borrowed can be placed in your inventory. There is no maximum capacity,] the System supplied, finally being a little bit helpful. 

At least the inventory was essentially useless until today…previously, his father had told him he was still too young and borrowing too dangerous for someone as small as him (which was especially enraging to hear from someone that was the size of a big toe). But he’d finally been able to go when he’d “become a man”, as his father had called it, and today he had finally borrowed. 

The item he’d borrowed? He was pretty sure it was the equivalent of a modern-day hair pin worn by female cultivators. This had, admittedly, very limited uses to him, but it had been there, and he’d grabbed it. Perhaps he could turn it into a sword if he managed to learn any forge-related skills. First he’d need to build a forge, he supposed…

Yeah, he definitely needed to borrow more often. 

The Borrowers had only a few essential rules, but one was absolutely fundamental: avoid being seen by humans. He was pretty sure at this point the other Borrowers didn’t know about things like demons, never having encountered any in the sect, but that thought had crossed his mind at some point. Since he was reborn as a Borrower, the System was also holding him to this rule. Being spotted by humans had consequences he was simply not willing to meet. 

Borrowing wasn’t just a hobby, either, it was their whole way of life. Borrowers didn’t really have a society, so to speak. There weren’t jobs, or cultivators, or even a market for them to buy things from. Everything that they had they had stolen from the humans. Or rather, borrowed . But they never returned anything they took, so that seemed like a stretch and a very gray moral area. But that wasn’t his place to shake their worldviews by pointing it out. They were only supposed to take things that wouldn’t be missed, and so far no one had ever noticed. 

He’d done well following this fundamental rule, up until the day before his 15th birthday when his parents went on a borrowing and never returned. He could only assume at this point that they were dead, which, frankly, he was surprised hadn’t happened sooner. 

He’d never met his grandparents, and his only uncle had disappeared before he was born. Other than that, he’d seldom met other Borrowers. 

He had, inevitably, ended up building and utilizing a pretty poor excuse for a forge out of pure necessity, what with him being young and on his own, he’d needed to make tools that couldn’t be easily found in the near vicinity. He’d managed to turn that delicate hairpin into a decent excuse for a sword, and had begun cultivating with it. His goal, of course, was to eventually use this sword to fly on…but that was taking much longer than he’d expected. 

Without his parents around, he was able to start exploring way more and this was very advantageous for him. He was admittedly as careful as could be expected, but liked to find himself in busy areas for better eavesdropping. 

Since An Ding Peak was in charge of most of the logistical tasks that helped Cang Qiong Mountain Sect run smoothly, he heard a lot of really boring but useful gossip about the going-ons of the sect. He was also able to secretly attend cultivation classes by sneaking around through cracks in the floorboards, hiding behind objects no one ever dared move, holes in the ceiling…the hiding spots were endless, honestly, since no one knew he existed so no one was looking for him. There were cats roaming around, probably for mice, but so far they’d never paid him any mind. That was a gift horse he was not willing to look in the mouth.

Thanks to his barely-recognizable forge and hairpin-turned-sword, he was able to start cultivating sword forms and could even hover in the air for a few seconds on it. At the very least, he would be able to save himself from assured death should he be thrown from a tall object, and safely slow his descent via his hovering skill. 

On his 18th birthday, the System gave him a new quest to borrow something from a merchandise cart. It hadn’t specified what he was supposed to borrow, just that it was of “utmost importance” and the mission quest was not optional. He also had a limited amount of time to complete said quest, as this particular merchandise cart would only be stopping by once. 

He wasn’t sure how we felt about this quest, to be honest. His personal mission, not that the System ever cared about that, was to borrow things that would help him complete his up-and-coming kitchen. He wanted to find items that would help him get as close as he could to a modern kitchen so he could prepare delicious meals and comfortably live out the rest of his tiny (but lengthy) life, under An Ding Peak. 

Since he had not met many (any) other Borrowers it seemed his love life was doomed to be stagnant, but that was fine! He was more than happy with this. He would cultivate, complete the System’s missions, borrow, and live in peace. That was enough. 

That was.

Enough. 

He didn’t even miss his old life. 

Not at all.

“Great Master” Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky. He didn’t think about that part of himself at all, ever. 

And he definitely wouldn’t be trying to find a reason for Luo Binghe to fall in love with him and use his protagonist halo magic to make him A Real Boy ™ as that was definitely a death sentence. There’s no way the protagonist of Proud Immortal Demon Way would want a wife like him…or would that make him a husband? No, Binghe would definitely not want him to have that title. 

He set out with his sword and borrowing supplies on the day the merchandise cart was supposed to be appearing. It had been easy to figure out when it would arrive, but he had yet to figure out what it was delivering and where it was going.

The cart was nearly in front of him now. All he had to do was use his grappling hook and time his swing correctly and he would land perfectly on the bottom level of the cart and the An Ding Peak disciples pushing the cart would be none-the-wiser. 

Three.

Two.

One…

Swing!

With only a plunk, he had safely made his way onto the cart’s bottom shelf and hid amongst the items stored there for travel. He was just about to raise his fist into the air in victory like the winner of a UFC fight when suddenly the cart came to an abrupt stop, almost sending him flying off the edge. 

Had they noticed him? 

Before he could give himself time to panic, Shang Qinghua righted himself quickly and did what he did best: hid. His tiny body was trembling slightly as he waited to hear the following events unfurl around him. 

Instead of any one of the An Ding Peak disciples bending down to examine the cart, they started trembling amongst themselves. Had something else happened? He peeled his ears hoping to get wind of the conversation.

“Somebody do something!”

Shang Qinghua didn’t understand what was happening until suddenly the air around him started to chill and he noticed patches of ice forming on the road extending out from the cart. 

Ah. So that’s what was happening. 

His favorite ice-wielding, ruler-of-the-northern-territory, right-hand-man-to-Binghe-himself, Mobei-Jun. 

Mobei-Jun?! 

What the fuck was he doing out here bullying young An Ding Peak outer disciples (and more importantly, himself ). 

Was this the reason the System had made him get on this cart in the first place?? 

[Mission quest objective updated: Survive.]

He supposed it made sense, Shang Qinghua was the name of the An Ding Peak Lord in Proud Immortal Demon Way , he just hadn’t thought too much about that fact when he’d ended up as Shang Qinghua miniature version! The System didn’t actually still expect him to become Peak Lord, right?

Right, System?!

[Future quests objectives are not able to be disclosed at this time,] the System supplied unhelpfully. 

It was a leading question, so really it had basically just confirmed it…How would he ever…Who in their right mind would want Peak Lord Thumbelina?

A problem for another time; future Shang Qinghua’s problem, really.

Present Shang Qinghua, however, still had Mobei-Jun to deal with. It was his own fault, really, for not writing down when Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua would meet, so he wasn’t able to predict this moment was coming. 

Really, he hadn’t expected it to happen at all given Shang Qinghua wasn’t a Borrower in Proud Immortal Demon Way , he’d just assumed since that plot point had been drastically changed so would all the future ones!

How naive of him.

While he’d been in his own head about the plot and pretending to be nonexistent while the disciples dealt with Mobei-Jun, some kind of scuffle had happened as the cart was now abandoned on the still-icy path. He took advantage of the break in activity and peered out from around the object he’d been hiding behind and laid his eyes on the figures of four An Ding Peak disciples lying prone on the ground, likely never to wake again…

And while that was certainly not his problem (sucks to be them, honestly), what was his problem was the heavily-breathing, prone form of Mobei-Jun still lying in the road next to the cart. 

So he’d beaten up all the disciples and then passed-the-fuck out?

Mobei-Jun groaned as he rolled onto his back, and right on the side of his abdomen Shang Qinghua could see a deep gash that likely went all the way to his kidney… Any mortal would have surely been killed by such a blow, but for a demon like Mobei-Jun it was simply a painful annoyance and would eventually heal over time. 

Probably. 

These circumstances left Shang Qinghua with a rare opportunity for decision making. The System had only told him to survive, so realistically, he could still escape and be happily on his way, not having broken any rules or upset the System in any way. But could he realistically escape without Mobei-Jun noticing? The cart had already been pushed a decent ways away from his home in An Ding Peak, it would likely take him days of walking to get back. 

But on the other hand…In Proud Immortal Demon Way it was Shang Qinghua’s fate to end up as a traitor and work for Mobei-Jun as an undercover agent, sneaking in secrets from the cultivation world to help in Luo Binghe’s plot to take over, well, everything. 

His illusion of choice was taken from him, though, as Mobei-Jun began to stir and immediately upon opening his eyes locked onto Shang Qinghua’s form where he’d been foolishly standing in the open while deliberating. 

Oh fuck. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!

With a groan, Mobei-Jun rolled over and pushed himself into a standing position and reached down to grab Shang Qinghua with two fingers, holding him up to his face with a look of disgust, as though examining an insect he’d never seen before and debating whether or not to crush it under his boot.

Panic caused him to open his mouth, and he startled flailing where he was dangling by his clothes between Mobei-Jun’s pinched fingers.

“My Lord, my King!”

“It speaks,” Mobei-Jun ascertained out loud, the condescension in his voice probably reaching an all-time high.

“I’m an An Ding Peak disciple!” This wasn’t even a stretch of the truth, it was an outright lie. “I can surely be of use to you!”

Mobei-Jun raised a single eyebrow skeptically in response. Sensing his reluctance to believe him, Shang Qinghua kept talking right out of his ass. 

“If your esteemed self would be so kind as to spare me, I would devote the rest of my life to serving you! Even if my status as an An Ding Peak disciple doesn’t interest you, please consider my other usefulness! Someone my size is truly the epitome of underestimation! I can spy on your enemies, and fulfill reconnaissance missions! I’m an extremely valuable ally!”

“It talks a lot. How annoying,” Mobei-Jun replied without giving much thought to Shang Qinghua’s words. 

“Wait, wait! My King! Please allow me to serve you!” Shang Qinghua tried one more time, the desperation in his voice growing as his shirt cut into his neck where he was still being held up by his clothes.

“Why?”

Huh. He really hadn’t thought that far again. Mobei-Jun scoffed at his lack of a response and shook his head, eyes squinting at Shang Qinghua once more before swinging his hand as if about to throw him to the ground. He stopped, though, as if reconsidering, and instead placed Shang Qinghua snugly into his pocket without another word.

Mobei-Jun continued traveling, albeit a bit slowly, abandoning the cart and dead An Ding Peak disciples on the road. Eventually, they arrived at an inn for the night. It was a strange choice for Mobei-Jun, but perhaps his injury kept him from traveling how he normally would. He’d barely made it inside before collapsing into a fitful sleep on the bed in the center of the room. 

Sneaking a glance out of the pocket he’d been stuffed into, Shang Qinghua weighed his options once more. Mobei-Jun was now asleep, and he’d already placed all of his borrowing gear, grappling hook and sword included, safely back into his inventory, so he could realistically try and make an escape now. 

He’d done a good enough job of making his plea interesting enough to have Mobei-Jun keep him around, but he wasn’t a fool. Shang Qinghua could definitely tell he’d almost been thrown away like a bug. If Mobei-Jun woke up feeling anything less than merciful, Shang Qinghua was definitely a goner. 

He inched his way out of the pocket and unceremoniously dropped to the bed where he was greeted with a much better view of Mobei-Jun’s injury. It was looking worse than before, somehow. Had he actually been poisoned? That would explain why he wasn’t able to heal himself. 

Shang Qinghua was truly torn…lying before him was the character he’d created for Proud Immortal Demon Way that was drafted after his own particular tastes…Mobei-Jun was his definition of the perfect man: devilishly handsome, perfectly chiseled, the perfect specimen. He was written by him, for him . 

This man, who was more than likely going to kill him when he woke up, made Shang Qinghua weak in the knees and was definitely the protagonist of his wildest (and wettest) dreams. 

He checked in with the System to see if the status of his quest had changed, but the mission objective was still set to “Survive”, which meant he was very clearly still in the middle of this quest.

What was his best chance of survival?

His chances before were already slim given his size…plus they had now traveled so far away from An Ding Peak there was no way for him to return there now. He would have to find himself a new home in this inn, most likely. So would saving this very sexy demon actually be in his best interest?

Settling on this, Shang Qinghua quickly started towards the inn’s kitchen in search of some sort of healing herbs he could shove into Mobei-Jun’s wound. If he could cure the poison and help him heal, that would surely get him into the demon’s good graces enough to get him to spare him. 

A healing ointment would likely be better than just plain herbs, but a pointer-finger-sized man had pretty limited options, and carrying a jar of ointment seemed like not one of them. And even if he did shove it into his inventory how would he possibly know what was in the ointment. Things didn't come with ingredient labels in this world. No, herbs he could recognize with his own two eyes was definitely the best option.

Using his grappling gear, Shang Qinghua made his way down to the inn’s kitchen where he, luckily, found some of the herbs he’d been hoping to find, and made his way back up to Mobei-Jun’s room. Unfortunately, the journey had taken him most of the night, so sunlight was already peeking through the lone window when he returned. Mobei-Jun was still asleep, though, but he was tossing and turning and Shang Qinghua was pretty sure he was sweating.

As carefully as he could, Shang Qinghua took the herbs and tore them into many small pieces before dropping them haphazardly into Mobei-Jun’s wound. Ideally he’d have ground them into a paste, but that wasn’t really possible for him at the moment. Tiny pieces would have to do. 

Exhaustion taking over him, Shang Qinghua made his way back to Mobei-Jun’s pocket, using the front of the pocket’s fabric as a blanket and falling asleep to the sound of Mobei-Jun’s breathing. 

He was startled awake by Mobei-Jun rolling over, causing him to fall out of said pocket and narrowly avoided being crushed under Mobei-Jun’s prone form.

“What did you do?” Mobei-Jun questioned Shang Qinghua as he looked down to examine his wound.

“I simply found some herbs, my King! To help your wound heal,” Shang Qinghua said as he scrambled to his feet on the edge of the bed. 

“Herbs,” Mobie-Jun parroted back. 

“Yes! Healing herbs I got from the kitchen…” he trailed off. Mobei-Jun looked at Shang Qinghua skeptically as if not believing someone as small as him would be able to make it to the kitchen and back in one piece.

Which was valid, honestly. 

“Hmmph,” Mobei-Jun answered with a grunt before turning to face Shang Qinghua better and moving his hand in his direction. “Get off my bed.” And with a gentle flick, Shang Qinghua flew backwards, landing on the floor next to the bed. It was quite a drop, but luckily he’d been able to catch himself and rolled to stop the landing from being too hard. 

Was Mobei-Jun going to try and kill him in the most pathetic way possible? Flicking him off the bed like a spare piece of lint? 

He was beginning to think this quest was impossible. He’d already done everything he could to earn the ice demon’s favor…what else could he do now? Was his life-long loyalty and servitude really not worth anything to him?

Well that was fucking bullshit, he was perfectly useful! He just needed to figure out what niche to fit into to seal the deal. 

After that, Mobei-Jun’s wound finally started to heal. They spoke very little between Mobei-Jun’s fitful bouts of rest, all the while Shang Qinghua curled up on a scrap of fabric under the table near the foot of Mobei-Jun’s bed. He had slept on worse, frankly, but that didn’t mean he had to enjoy it. 

Eventually, Mobei-Jun’s sleeping became more restful and Shang Qinghua could tell his wound was just about healed. Frankly, he expected Mobei-Jun to have moved on by now, but for some reason the Demon King was staying put. 

When Mobei-Jun went to sleep on the third day, Shang Qinghua went back down to the kitchen for supplies. The snacks he’d grabbed were basically gone now, and Mobei-Jun hadn’t exactly been feeding him or giving him opportunities to leave when he was awake. They just sort of awkwardly didn’t acknowledge each other’s presence. Shang Qinghua had tried speaking a few times but Mobei-Jun had grunted in a scary kind of way each time that made him stop. 

When he reached the kitchen it was nearly morning, and he overheard the familiar voices of An Ding Peak disciples discussing what had happened to the cart transporting team. 

This was his chance! If he could just reach the An Ding Peak disciples he could sneak into their robes and get an all-expenses-paid trip back home!

He stopped for a moment, torn between staying or leaving. Was there any reason to stay? His quest only said he needed to survive, and if he left with the disciples then he would definitely have accomplished that. It was still up in the air what would happen to him if he stayed here with Mobei-Jun who was still unsure of him as a servant. And the System had been awfully quiet all this time.

Shang Qinghua nodded to himself, feeling confident in his decision: he would be going home with the disciples.

While they journeyed back, Shang Qinghua did indeed get a notification from the System that he had completed his quest.

So it had been the right decision after all…

[Congratulations, you have completed the mission quest objective: Survive. Please check your inventory for your quest reward.] 

Shang Qinghua quickly checked his inventory and was greeted with a small scroll. Taking the scroll out of his inventory, he read the short line of text:

Burn this talisman to spawn your loot crate.

“…”

His loot crate? What was this a fucking multiplayer minecraft server? Why was the System giving him a fucking loot crate?

[Would you rather not receive the loot crate?] the System supplied unhelpfully after listening in on his thoughts again .

“No!” Shang Qinghua shouted at the System. He would have to wait to burn the talisman when he returned to An Ding Peak.

The journey felt somewhat short and sweet after the long week Shang Qinghua had had. The disciples were none the wiser when he slipped out of one of the disciples pockets and slowed his descent to the ground with his sword. He made it back to his home under the floorboards of a building on the outskirts of the man hub of An Ding Peak and slept for what felt like three days before finally rousing again due to hunger. 

He made himself a great meal to celebrate his safe return (and quest completion) and took some time to look around the System menus again.

“Why’d I not get another quest?” he questioned the System after poking around for a little while and not finding anything useful.

[You have not yet met the prerequisites for unlocking the next quest,] the System answered. 

Strange…

He’d yet to complete a quest and not have another one lined up and ready to go…

Shang Qinghua supposed this would be a good time to work on his own goals for once! System be damned! He was his own man and he could do whatever he wanted!

His first goal was to open the loot crate reward, but he would need to find an inconspicuous place to burn the talisman. If he made too much commotion, the An Ding Peak disciples might see him, so he very rarely used fire big enough to burn the talisman he’d received. And he wasn’t sure how large the loot crate would be that spawned, so he would not want to do it in his house. 

Settling on a time and place, Shang Qinghua made his way to the outskirts of the Peak, a clearing with a lot of large rocks for cover, right before sunrise. He was planning on timing the fire right as the sun peeked over the horizon so if a disciple saw anything they’d think it was a trick of the light.

Pretty smart, really. 

Shang Qinghua gave himself a proverbial pat on the back. His survival skills were, frankly, out of this world lately. 

The talisman burning went on without a hitch, and a chest the size of a standard music box punked down right in front of him. Nearly on top of him, actually.

“Agh!” Shang Qinghua screamed as he rolled out of the way. The box probably wouldn’t have killed him, but it surely wouldn’t have felt good. If he received another burning talisman as a quest reward in the future, he’d remember to stand much further away next time…

Now he was left with the matter of opening the box, which was something not so simple for someone only four inches tall. 

Eventually, he tied a string around the latch, used his sword to fly on top of the box, then made his best attempt at flying away from the back of the box while holding the string to force it open. It took him several tries but eventually it opened, and Shang Qinghua was finally able to see what kind of rewards he’d gotten from the System.

“What the fuck?” 

The box was filled with several different items, and Shang Qinghua was feeling a mix of mortification and bewilderment at its contents. The first thing Shang Qinghua noticed was the fucking condom wrapper. The foil packet was unopened and very clearly had “Trojan” written on it. He wasn’t one to question the System’s resources but where the fuck did it get a modern-day condom? And what did it expect him to do with it?

This condom was normal sized! Literally half the length of his body! It would make a better lubricated body bag than protection during sex!

“What is the purpose of these items?” Shang Qinghua questioned the System. “Are you just mocking me because you know I’ll never get laid? Not in this world or the last!?”

The System remained unhelpfully quiet, which further enraged Shang Qinghua. 

Throwing the condom into his inventory because what else is he supposed to do with it, he continued onto the next item.

“...”

“An epipen?”

The System didn’t comment.

What was he supposed to do with an epipen? It was taller than him, the needle would probably go all the way through him if he tried to use it, not that he could even reach the button to dispense the medication.

Was this loot crate just full of items to mock his size? The System was an asshole. 

Next to the epipen was another scroll full of modern day pickup lines. Behind that was a jar of something that looked like brown crystals. Curious, he opened the jar and was delighted to discover that it seemed like instant coffee? So far that was the only item that had brought him any amount of joy. There wasn’t exactly coffee in this ancient civilization, and that would certainly be a wonderful luxury to him. There was lots of tea, but nothing really compared to the taste of coffee . Not that instant coffee was anything to write home about as far as coffee varieties went, but still, it was something.

What excited him even more than the coffee was the cup ramen standing in the corner of the box. 

Sure, he couldn’t enjoy the noodles the same way anymore, but the flavor packet could provide him with amazing tasting broth for probably a year. He could still eat the noodles, it would just be…a bit different. Shang Qinghua was excited at the prospect. It wasn’t high end food he missed, but the simple easy junk food. There was just nothing like it here. 

“System, I might actually be grateful to you for once.”

There were two items left in the box now, neither of which made any sense. First was a half eaten cucumber. This item made him think of Cucumber Bro, one of his most active (and hateful) commenters on Proud Immortal Demon Way , which made him a little bit nostalgic. Hopefully Cucumber Bro was doing well, the bastard. But why was it half eaten? And he had no refrigerator, so it would definitely start going bad immediately. What was he even supposed to do with this much cucumber?

He put the item into his inventory with everything else and was left with the only remaining item. It looked like some sort of blue fabric, possibly a blanket? He could certainly use a nicer blanket. He unfolded the fabric and suddenly felt the urge to strangle the System if it had a neck for him to grab. 

“This is just fucking insulting. Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?!”

What he’d unfolded had been an anime-style maid outfit, perfectly in his size. Why could the System provide a Borrower-sized maid outfit but a normal fucking condom? Not that it mattered since there was no one to use said condom with anyways…

He should burn this outfit.

But the sun was already up and he’d lost his window, so he’d have to burn it another time. Placing both the maid outfit and the box itself into his inventory (which he was feeling very grateful was unlimited for quest reward items) he headed back to his home. 

When he went to bed that night, he dreamt of cat-girl maids eating ramen and using condoms on cucumbers while making coffee and reading about pickup lines. It was a strange dream indeed, and he was almost relieved when he finally woke up. It was still dark, which meant he hadn’t quite slept through til morning, but that was fine. He could spend his early hours yelling at the System again for its transgressions.

He would banter with the system whenever he felt any sort of negative emotion (it was therapeutic to abuse it, really) and more often than not would get no response, less often, he’d get a snarky unhelpful remark, and very very rarely, the system would offer him some sort of consolation for his efforts. 

Not caring which response he would get today, Shang Qinghua let it all out.

“You know, everything you are was born of me.” 

He was feeling cocky, apparently.

“I wrote all of this, the world you’re currently manipulating. These are my creations, my children, my universe. And yet somehow I became your bitch?”

The System remained quiet throughout all of this. Ah, so it was a ‘no response’ day. So be it.

“And honestly, the condom was a low fucking blow.”

“Who are you talking to?”

Shang Qinghua froze. 

Either the System had just answered him in Mobei-Jun’s voice, or…

“And what’s a con-dom?” The word fell off his tongue awkwardly, as though he’d never heard the word before. Which Shang Qinghua supposed he probably hadn’t .

But why the fuck was Mobei-Jun talking to him right now? And better yet, how?

“Well?”

Shang Qinghua could tell Mobei-Jun was getting impatient so he crawled out of bed and climbed his way up into the room above his home which was shrouded in darkness. He could just barely make out Mobei-Jun standing in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“My King,” Shang Qinghua managed to say finally with a little fear in his voice. Swallowing, Shang Qinghua attempted to bullshit an answer to either of the ice demon’s questions.

“Well you see, I was actually talking to my–”

“You left,” Mobei-Jun cut him off.

“Well actually–”

“You said you would serve me for the rest of your life, then you disappeared.”

“But you never–”

“So your words mean nothing, then?”

“No, they–”

“Why did you help me?”

Shang Qinghua took a breath while pondering this question. Mobei-Jun’s words were spoken quietly, his voice as deep as physically possible for the volume he’d been using, and frankly, that was a lot of words for someone like him. He couldn’t afford to fuck up this answer.

Mobei-Jun waited quietly for a response, his arms still crossed, a frown on his face. As Shang Qinghua’s eyes adjusted he noticed that Mobei-Jun’s attire had been replaced and his wound had healed.

Good.

It surprised Shang Qinghua, his relief at seeing Mobei-Jun healed…why did he even care?

Why had he helped him? To satisfy his subconscious yearning for the reason behind his wet dreams?

“Because I like you,” Shang Qinghua finally settled on. It was assuredly more complicated than that, but in a rare moment of vulnerability, he’d decided to be honest.

Mobei-Jun only grunted in reply and slowly began walking over to the other side of the room where Shang Qinghua was standing. After a beat, he said again, “You left,” as though to contradict Shang Qinghua’s recent admission.

“My King, I deeply apologize if my leaving has offended you…I really didn’t think you wanted me to stay. I kept offering fealty but you never really accepted it, I just figured you’d prefer to get rid of me… So I did it for you.”

Mobei-Jun’s answering growl made Shang Qinghua’s hair stand on end and out of desperation he bent down and began kowtowing as if that would soften the blow of his words somehow. This guy was crazy, what screw came loose in his brain to make him decide to be honest ?! This was the time to lie! Lie like his life depended on it because it did!

“Agh!” Shang Qinghua screeched as he felt himself being picked up by the back of his robes by Mobei-Jun’s much larger hand.

Mobei-Jun lifted Shang Qinghua up until they were face to face, him dangling only a few inches from Mobei-Jun’s nose. 

“Do you still mean to serve me for the rest of your life?” His voice was quiet, and Shang Qinghua could feel his icy breath blow past his entire body.

He swallowed thickly.

“Yes, my King, if you’ll have me.” Shang Qinghua couldn’t tell if Mobei-Jun was angry or not at this point. He was acting particularly strange, if he was being honest. This character was practically his son, and even he couldn’t predict what he would do next.

While this interaction was going on, the System had apparently alerted him.

[You now meet the prerequisites for a new quest. Would you like to see the quest now?]

Yes! Shang Qinghua thought loudly in the System’s general direction.

[Quest: Amorous Exchange has begun. Time limit: 2 weeks.]

Time limit? What does that even mean? What am I supposed to do??

The System didn’t reply and just as Shang Qinghua was preparing to yell at it again, Mobei-Jun grunted in approval of Shang Qinghua’s answer, placed him once again in his pocket, and opened a portal in the darkest part of the abandoned room and started to move through it.

“My King, where are we going?!” Shang Qinghua shouted up from Mobei-Jun’s pocket.

Not stopping in his tracks, Mobei-Jun simply replied, “Home.”

And so that was how Shang Qinghua found himself in the Demon Realm’s Northern Territory. 

He’d unfortunately not been able to retrieve any of the items left in his home, but luckily all of his most important things were already in his inventory, so it wasn’t a huge loss. 

The first thing Shang Qinghua noticed about the Northern Territory: it was cold. Like really fucking cold. Which, that shouldn’t have been a surprise, but writing about it and experiencing it first hand were two different things. Shang Qinghua was already shivering and they’d only been here for a few minutes. He was really going to need to do something about getting warmer clothes, or perhaps making some warming talismans. He’d at least learned that much from observing the An Ding Peak disciples.

Mobei-Jun must have noticed his shaking because without uttering a word he ripped off a thick piece of his robes and shoved it into his pocket as though for him to use as a blanket. 

The fabric smelled of Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua found himself blushing as he inhaled the scent, stopping once he realized what he’d done. 

How embarrassing…

It was a good thing no one could see him in Mobei-Jun’s pocket. 

~&~

Time started passing by a bit more quickly after he’d arrived in the Northern Territory with Mobei-Jun. He spent 95% of his time sitting in Mobei-Jun’s pocket, which ultimately left him feeling incredibly bored . How could he possibly bring up such a topic to the ice demon without endangering himself? He needed to work on his cultivation because if he had any chance of extending his survival here he would need to be as strong as possible…

If he had any chance of proving his ongoing usefulness to Mobei-Jun, his ticket to survival as it were, then he would need to be even more impressive. Afterall, there was only so much he could do as a puny-tiny-four-inch-good-for-nothing-Borrower.

At first he just went along with Mobei-Jun wherever he went, including meetings with other demons, his subordinates and anyone else deemed worthy enough to speak to His Liege. Shang Qinghua felt rather anxious during these meetings at first, but eventually he fell into the same pattern of boredom that everything else led him into.

The strangest part of all, though, was that Mobei-Jun kept taking him to bed with him. Every night he would lay down to sleep with Shang Qinghua still in his pocket, not say so much as a word to him, and fall asleep.

It was somehow incredibly intimate, as Shang Qinghua laid in Mobei-Jun’s pocket with his makeshift blanket that still smelled of him, though he was getting used to it since he’d been surrounded by Mobei-Jun’s scent around the clock for so many days now. Shang Qinghua listened as Mobei-Jun’s breaths started to even out as he fell asleep, and his mind wandered to the System.

He still had yet to figure out what he needed to do to meet the requirements for his current quest, Amorous Exchange , but he would need to do something soon or he was going to go stir crazy. And only having two weeks to finish the quest (of which 6 days had already passed) made him extremely uncomfortable. It wasn’t like the System to show him any leniency, so it was almost certainly death that awaited him if he failed to complete it in time. 

He just knew he wanted this completed as soon as possible. But how?

The quest description had stated he would need to increase his relationship with the demon, but had he not already done that by being whisked away to his palace? He was even technically going to sleep with him every night in his bed, surely that counted for something? What was even considered ‘amorous’? Didn’t that signify love? Was he supposed to fall in love in two weeks or something? 

But it also had specifically said exhange …so some kind of interaction was needed. 

He soon fell asleep trying to come up with a plan only to be woken up to Mobei-Jun rolling out of bed and getting ready for the day. 

There were basically two times of the day when Mobei-Jun let him out of his sight, and the morning was one of those times. He had needs, afterall, and there were just some things that couldn’t be done in the demon’s pocket. 

Hopping out of Mobei-Jun’s pocket, Shang Qinghua hopped on his sword and “flew” his way over to the little nook he’d found that led to a small stream he could use to take care of himself. When he returned, a few morsels of food had been laid out on the table in Mobei-Jun’s room and Mobei-Jun was nowhere to be found. How odd, he almost never left him alone like this. Deciding to use this time wisely, Shang Qinghua scarfed down the food as quickly as he could and worked on his cultivation and sword techniques until Mobei-Jun startled him out of his concentration.

“What are you doing?” a voice sounded from behind him, causing Shang Qinghua to jump and drop his sword with a clang on the table. 

“My King! I was practicing my cultivation, of course,” he replied with a small shake in his voice as he bent down with a huff to retrieve his fallen sword. 

Mobei-Jun answered only with a raise of his eyebrow, as if questioning why he would need to do such a thing. Shang Qinghua, who was not in control of his own mouth at the moment, felt the words tumble straight past his brain and into the room without his consent. 

“Well, my King, of course I would need to continue cultivating. How else would I make myself as useful to Your Majesty as possible? Surely even you understand that I can only grow in value as a servant but increasing my strengths and –”

Shang Qinghua was cut off mid sentence as Mobei-Jun lost his patience and picked him up by the scruff to put him back in his pocket and started walking towards the door.

“We’re going to be meeting,” Mobei-Jun started.

Shang Qinghua had no idea why Mobei-Jun was telling him this. They went into the throne room and met with people multiple times everyday, he was already quite accustomed to it. He soon got his answer, though, as Mobei-Jun spoke up more quietly this time as they reached the room’s entrance.

“Follow him. Don’t get caught.”

He didn’t elaborate any further.

Which…which one would it be? Would it be obvious? Maybe Mobei-Jun would indicate it for him somehow? Was he supposed to just guess if he didn’t?

Oh he was totally fucked.

The meeting itself wasn’t extremely interesting, but instead of idling like he usually did, Shang Qinghua stayed on high alert waiting for Mobei-Jun to give him the signal indicating which person he was supposed to trail after.

That signal never came. 

The meeting ended rather quickly, though, and so Shang Qinghua supposed he would just have to follow his gut. 

He supposed it was to his advantage at this point that no one yet knew of his existence besides Mobei-Jun. If no one knew he existed then no one would be looking for him, as small as he was, to be spying on them, and would make being detected that much less likely. 

Feeling a rare boost in confidence at Mobei-Jun’s trust in his abilities (he must trust him, right? why else would he give him such a task, unless perhaps it was a test of his loyalty?) No matter, he would rise to the occasion, certainly. 

He quietly slipped out of Mobei-Jun’s pocket as the one he’d decided was the most likely target between the two strangers from the meeting started leaving the room, the target being a prickly looking demon named Shui Mo, and used his sword and grappling hook to swing himself onto Shui Mo’s robes. Shuffling himself into an inconspicuous place amongst the robe’s several layers and folds, Shang Qinghua waited as they traveled out of the room.  

The guests were staying in the palace that night as esteemed guests of the Mobei clan, which made sense as Shui Mo had quite similar powers to Mobei-Jun himself, though instead of ice he was a master of water. Shui Mo and the one companion he’d brought with him walked straight to their temporary living quarters and began speaking in hushed tones. They were wary of being listened in on it seemed, but little did they know that the listening person was already in the room with them!

Being four inches tall had its advantages, apparently. 

Shang Qinghua quickly became bored.

Shui Mo was so boring! He and his companion had talked of nothing at all interesting!

Even the meeting they had just come from had been about basically nothing at all, and Shang Qinghua had been concentrating so hard on Mobei-Jun’s micromovements he had hardly absorbed any of the meeting’s subjects to begin with.

First they made jokes about Mobei-Jun’s demeanor and appearance (on which they were wrong on all accounts, frankly, as Mobei-Jun was a fine specimen and they clearly had no taste). Then, they started discussing some human they’d once encountered in a cave that sounded both completely unfamiliar and completely not relevant to his current assignment from Mobei-Jun so he didn’t pay it any mind.

Finally, after a few hours of this, Shui Mo finally let something interesting slip.

“Meng Mo has been making progress with the child.”

This made Shang Qinghua’s ears perk up immediately. The child in question was almost certainly Luo Binghe. While Shang Qinghua hadn’t written about any character named Shui Mo, it hadn’t surprised him in the least that there were other kinds of demon types running around he wasn’t aware of. He wasn’t a god, not in the real sense, so of course he couldn’t take the time to pick out every inhabitant of Proud Immortal Demon Way , but any mention of Luo Binghe was definitely of utmost importance.

It seemed Shui Mo didn’t have any particularly heinous plans brewing with Meng Mo, but surely this was important enough to report back to Mobei-Jun about. Is that what he had been suspicious about in the first place? Had he been hearing whispers of an up and coming demon ruler? At this point Luo Binghe was still a Qing Jing Peak disciple under Shen Qingqiu, not yet thrown into the Endless Abyss, so the Demon Realm was currently ruler-less. Mobei-Jun was the ruler of one of many factions, some of which were currently fighting for power while Tianlang-Jun was sealed away. This information would likely be invaluable to him.

As the companion left and Shui Mo began getting ready to turn in for the night, Shang Qinghua made his escape. 

He was wholly unfamiliar with the Mobei clan’s palace except for the fact that he’d been its creator and had written about its various hallways on more than one occasion, so he had a general idea of how to get back to Mobei-Jun’s quarters. 

It was late so there were likely not too many people wandering the halls at this hour. Slipping through the crack under the door, Shang Qinghua mounted his sword and flew close to the ground as he made his way to Mobei-Jun’s quarters. He made a single pit stop in the kitchen on his way, borrowing a few useful items and grabbing a few morsels of food to hide in his inventory for later, then entered Mobei-Jun’s bed chambers sheepishly. The candles around the room were lit, and appeared to have been for some time, as Mobei-Jun was simply sitting at the table beside his bed waiting in his night robes. 

Shang Qinghua flew himself up onto the table (which was an incredible feat, really, as he’d only been able to fly up a handful of times now), quickly stored his sword and got into a kneeling position.

“My King, I’ve returned,” he spoke loudly enough so Mobei-Jun could easily hear him. Not hearing any kind of reply, Shang Qinghua continued on with his report.

“I followed Shui Mo into his quarters and waited for a few hours while he spoke with his companion. They briefly spoke of a human Shui Mo cornered in a cave and cursed, though he didn’t seem to be important to the Demon Realm at all. In other news, he also mentioned –,” Shang Qinghua was interrupted by a sudden force that caused him to roll onto his back.

It seemed Mobei-Jun had shoved him to get him to stop and notice the hand resting on the table, palm up, as if inviting him to step onto it. The “shove” had been rather gentle compared to the flick he’d received at the inn before, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about the comparably delicate touch Mobei-Jun had just given him. 

He gingerly stepped into Mobei-Jun’s hand which was then lifted up towards his face, as if to be able to better hear him give his report. On the way up, Shang Qinghua lost his balance and Mobei-Jun responded by sticking up his thumb for him to grab onto for support.

Shang Qinghua grabbed it without thinking to steady himself, grateful for his King’s generosity, then quickly flushed as he realized this was a scene right out of fucking Thumbelina. 

How embarrassing…

He let go as soon as his hand had stopped moving, only a foot away from Mobei-Jun’s face now. Shang Qinghua looked up at Mobei-Jun’s face, intending to start back on his report, but found himself unable to speak as he met the demon’s cold eyes. He was staring back at Shang Qinghua intently, as if trying to puzzle him out somehow. The stare was so intense that Shang Qinghua felt himself start to sweat on the spot and he swallowed the saliva that had started pooling in his mouth before it started to come out as drool.

Mobei-Jun really was a sight to behold. 

“Continue,” Mobei-Jun eventually said, and Shang Qinghua fixed his posture and got to speaking promptly.

“There was mention of another demon by the name of Meng Mo, and they reported that he had successfully infiltrated a half-demon-half-human prodigy currently situated as a Qing Jing Peak disciple.” Shang Qinghua finished and continued to stand there waiting. For what, he didn’t know. Perhaps for Mobei-Jun to dismiss him or place him in his pocket and head to bed like he normally would. Instead, they stood at an impasse, neither making a move. 

Shang Qinghua’s mind wandered over the possibilities of thoughts currently running through Mobei-Jun’s mind. Was he in trouble? Had he failed in his assignment? Was he seething mad and couldn’t move? Was he disappointed?

His four inch body began to shake mildly from his ensuing panic attack until Mobei-Jun uttered two very unsuspecting words that caused him to short circuit.

“Good boy.”

“...”

What the…fuck? Did he just..?

Shang Qinghua felt the flush as it crept up his neck and covered his entire face. Mobei-Jun smirked and huffed out a laugh as he gently placed Shang Qinghua back in his pocket and began walking back to the bed. 

As they laid there, Mobei-Jun trying to fall asleep and Shang Qinghua trying not to burst at the seams, he let his mind wander back to his quest. The vibes he was getting from Mobei-Jun had gradually been becoming more and more…affectionate? 

Was he imagining things?

This was quite contrary to the personality he had written for Mobei-Jun in Proud Immortal Demon Way . Was he complaining? Well, no, not really… This was definitely in his favor wasn’t it? It both helped guarantee his safety and would make his current quest easier.

Speaking of which…

The quest. 

All day he’d been formulating his plan. Once Mobei-Jun was asleep he would sneak out of his pocket and plant a kiss right on his lips! Surely that would count as an amorous exchange?

He only had to wait a half hour before he was definitely sure of Mobei-Jun’s deep slumber, and he started to make his move. He used his sword so as not to wake Mobei-Jun by walking all over him, and hovered right up to the demon’s face. His breath was cold up against Shang Qinghua’s body, and his beautiful glowing skin held a peaceful expression he wasn’t used to seeing on him. 

Taking care to balance properly, Shang Qinghua leaned forward and gently placed a kiss on Mobei-Jun’s upper lip. He waited, but the System didn’t alert him to the quest being completed. Perhaps the kiss hadn’t been long enough?

Bending down once more, Shang Qinghua closed his eyes and placed a second, longer kiss on Mobei-Jun’s bottom lip. He held it this time, counting the seconds as he waited for the System to chime in so that he could stop.

“What are you doing?”

Instead of the System chiming in it was Mobei-Jun who had woken up and spoken instead.

The rush of air as Mobei-Jun spoke startled Shang Qinghua so much that he fell off his sword and they both clattered down landing on Mobei-Jun’s bare chest, exposed by his loosened sleep robes. 

“M-My King!” Shang Qinghua uttered in a panic. He had absolutely no clue how the fuck he was going to explain what he’d just been doing when Mobei-Jun had caught him. How did one even begin to explain why they’d been kissing their King in his sleep? He shoved his sword into his inventory without thinking what it might look like for it to disappear in thin air and began stuttering his apology.

“I’m so sorry to have woken you and have been invading your space I shouldn’t have overstepped I’m so sorry , my King, it will never happen again I swear it, I swear on my cultivation, I swear on my–.”

“Don’t,” Mobei-Jun interrupted.

“...Don’t?” Shang Qinghua clarified. He wasn’t sure what he meant.

“Don’t swear on that.”

“On…on my cultivation?”

“It’s not worth much,” Mobei-Jun confirmed.

“…”

Rude!

Shang Qinghua was at a loss for words.

“You’re seeking affection.” It wasn’t a question, no, it was more of a confirmation of his thoughts.

Shang Qinghua swallowed nervously.

“Yes, my King.”

“Would you…like a hug?”

Shang Qinghua was flabbergasted at this line of questioning. Was Mobei-Jun ill? Why was he asking this?

Perhaps he viewed Shang Qinghua as a pet that required not only food and water, but also love and attention to survive. 

That was humiliating, frankly, but even so, that could be just what he needed to complete his quest! 

With completely unfounded confidence, Shang Qinghua righted himself and swallowed thickly before answering, “Yes, my King.”

As though suddenly filled with understanding, Mobei-Jun nodded, and held out his hand for Shang Qinghua to climb onto. As soon as he did, Mobei-Jun sat up and held Shang Qinghua near his face.

Shang Qinghua hesitated, not sure which part of Mobei-Jun he was supposed to hug… but as close as he was to Mobei-Jun’s face, the most reasonable thing seemed to be his nose?

Yeah, his nose. Shang Qinghua would hug his…nose.

This was the most embarrassing thing he’d ever done.

Reaching forward, Shang Qinghua gently leaned his torso against the bridge of the demon’s nose, and before he’d laid all the way against it he felt Mobei-Jun’s face shift as if nuzzling against him. 

He was reciprocating?! What the fuck?!

Just then, he heard the System’s familiar notification sound.

[Quest: Amorous Exchange has been completed. New rewards are available and another quest has been unlocked,] the System chimed in.

What the fuck!? Shang Qinghua repeated as he thought-shouted at the System.

How had the hug completed the quest when the kisses had done nothing?

[The quest objective required reciprocation,] the System added, though not soon enough to be considered helpful.

Shang Qinghua pulled back finally, and now he was standing on Mobei-Jun’s hand while the demon stared back at him with a blank expression on his face.

This was awkward. 

They had basically just embraced and now neither one was speaking.

What did one even say after such an occurrence? 

Deciding to put them both out of their misery, Shang Qinghua gave a deep bow and said, “Goodnight, my King,” before hopping down off of Mobei-Jun’s hand and slipping into his pocket to prepare for sleep. 

He heard Mobei-Jun puff out air as if amused before rolling over and going back to sleep himself.

Still wide awake, Shang Qinghua looked at the next quest that the System had given him and his new quest reward. The reward itself was nothing to write home about. In fact, he felt after the last reward he was owed something more useful, but alas, he’d been given a gold star.

A gold star!!

What a useless reward!

I hope you’re hearing this, I think your reward is useless! The System didn’t reply.

What exactly was he supposed to do with a gold star? Stick it on his homework and take it home to show his mommy? Well his mother in this world was dead and his mother in his old life wouldn’t have cared much. 

Weirdly, the gold star looked rather sharp, and he was most likely going to injure himself if he did anything with it. So it would be staying in his inventory indefinitely, he supposed.

His new quest was another matter entirely. He had started to get suspicious with the last quest’s direction but now he was certain that the System was playing tricks on him. What the fuck was this newest quest?

He opened the System’s menu and looked at his newest quest, titled [Prove Your Devotion: Take your connection to the next level].

Was he not proving his devotion every damn day?

And what did ‘take your connection to the next level’ mean?

The last quest had been fulfilled via a mutual hug, so what was the next level after that?

…

First base?!

What am I supposed to do, make him kiss me?!

[Since kissing was already performed it cannot be used to satisfy the requirements for this quest’s objective,] the System chimed in. 

The System was ruthless, really, only being helpful when it was trying to disappoint him. 

Fine, don’t be actually helpful. What’s the reward for this quest, anyhow?

[Reward for quest “Prove Your Devotion” is a potion.]

A potion, huh?

He looked at the description of the potion on the System menu and let out a little squeak at the words he read.

[Potion: I’m a real boy, Effects: Gives the drinker the ability to change body size to that of another species.]

Wait a goddamn minute. This potion makes me human-sized?

[The potion can make you human-sized, yes.]

Holy fucking shit! 

Shang Qinghua was feeling giddy after receiving this news. All he had to do was…reach first base?! He guessed?! It didn’t matter, he would figure it out, whatever it was, and this quest, unlike the previous one, had no time limit. He just needed to take his time (hurry up) and get ‘er done so he could be a human and stop prancing around cosplaying as Thumbelina once and for all!

When Shang Qinghua finally woke up the next morning he found himself laid on Mobei-Jun’s bed alone, the demon having removed him from his pocket before exiting, which wasn’t entirely uncommon, but still, it was rarer.

Not thinking too much about it, Shang Qinghua spent his morning taking care of his needs, including finding something to eat. Once he had finished eating, he grew bored waiting for Mobei-Jun to return so he decided to go through his inventory and reorganize things. 

Pulling out the ridiculous maid outfit, Shang Qinghua clicked his tongue in annoyance at the System’s antics. Why had it even given him this item in the loot crate?

Still, Shang Qinghua was no fool, he knew he had a small figure with a narrow waist, and that this dress would probably fit him like a glove. Indulging himself, he held the outfit up on himself in front of Mobei-Jun’s mirror and was not surprised to find that he would probably look hella fine in this dress. 

He decided not to think too long about why that pleased him and started to put the dress back before any strange urges led him to actually trying the thing on.

“What’s that?”

Shang Qinghua froze where he stood, blinking rapidly in his panic about how he could possibly answer that question with any semblance of sounding not-crazy. 

Not only was this an outfit meant for a woman, it was meant for a modern woman. Perhaps a dress wouldn't seem that out of place in this ancient world of robes and cultivation, but he had no good explanation for its style. 

Finally finding his composure, Shang Qinghua cleared his throat and turned to Mobei-Jun with a shy smile, deciding he would simply bullshit his way through this.

“This is a dress, my King.”

Mobei-Jun only hummed in response as he stared at the clothing item in Shang Qinghua's hands.

Having expected more questions, Shang Qinghua was admittedly at a loss for how to proceed. Just as he was about to place the item back in his inventory, Mobei-Jun surprised him once again.

“Go on, then.” 

Hmm?

Had he misheard?

“My King?”

“You were going to change, were you not?” 

“Well, I–”

“I shall wait.”

“…”

Was…was he going to have to put this maid's dress on right now? In front of Mobei-Jun? Right now?!

The flush on his neck creeped all the way up to the top of his ears as he turned his back and began removing his clothes one by one before stepping into the dress before him. He had never worn a dress (of any kind, much less one like this) so it took him a moment to figure out how to secure it. Once he was finally dressed, he turned back around and refused to meet Mobei-Jun's gaze.

The demon was silent, simply staring with a quizzical expression on his face. 

“Hmm,” he eventually remarked before turning around and heading back to whatever he’d been doing, leaving Shang Qinghua alone once again that morning. 

The next several days passed not unlike the one before, with Shang Qinghua waking up alone, Mobei-Jun returning with a sour face and demanding he put on the maid outfit, admiring him (much to Shang Qinghua’s dismay) until he felt better, and then the day would proceed like normal. Except that every night Mobei-Jun laid down in his bed he seemed even more moody than the last night. 

It was not lost on Shang Qinghua that he was being objectified by Mobei-Jun everyday when he made him put on that outfit. 

He felt a certain kind of way about it, frankly. Feelings he really really didn’t want to unpack right now. 

What was really bothering him, though, were the secret meetings Mobei-Jun kept attending without him. He decided then that tomorrow he would follow him and sneak into one of these meetings so he could see what was going on to make Mobei-Jun so on edge everyday. 

If he was going to finish his new quest and get that potion reward he needed to spend actual time with Mobei-Jun, and more than likely while he was awake . Especially considering the last quest required reciprocation, it was extremely likely that this one would need it too. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get Mobei-Jun to agree to do anything with him in the first place, especially when he was only four inches tall…it was hard to tempt a man this way!

That night, Shang Qinghua did his best to ensure that he wouldn’t sleep through Mobei-Jun leaving in the morning…by staying up all night. Something he did often in his previous life as an online stallion-novel writer, but not something he’d done in his little four-inch Borrower body. 

Admittedly…he struggled. There was nothing to do inside Mobei-Jun’s pocket to keep himself entertained enough to fall asleep and so he kept nodding off, only to be startled back awake by a slight noise or movement on Mobei-Jun’s part. 

When early morning finally came, Mobei-Jun started to stir and Shang Qinghua feigned sleep the best he could as he was gently (almost reverently, if he was being honest…he was an author he could tell these things with his eyes closed) placed on Mobei-Jun’s pillow and he didn’t dare peak until he was sure Mobei-Jun had rounded the corner and left the room. 

He mounted his sword (which he was getting better at everyday) and quietly flew behind Mobei-Jun, making sure to stay low to the ground and in the shadows so he wouldn’t be seen. It was easy to be soundless when flying, and the sound of Mobei-Jun’s footsteps was enough to lead him in the right direction even if he wasn’t able to see the demon any longer.

He was led down a corridor in a part of the palace he’d never been in before, and heard Mobei-Jun enter a room at the end of the next corridor and close the door. The air in this area was damp, almost cellar like, and dripping water could be heard in multiple locations, almost as if ice were melting. It was still plenty cold, though, so Shang Qinghua paid it no mind as he flew up to the door and began eavesdropping. 

For a while, nothing interesting happened on the other side of the door, and once again, Shang Qinghua ran into the issue of not having anything on him to entertain himself while he waited. This time, however, he was also on the tail end of an all-nighter, and he began to fall asleep standing on his sword. 

Just as he was nodding off, he heard what sounded like a pained squeal on the other side of the door.

What the… Shang Qinghua thought as he righted himself again. 

Now paying attention, Shang Qinghua hovered closer to the door and listened properly. He could hear a stilted conversation between someone whose voice he’d never heard and another person who only grunted or gave one word replies…so Mobei-Jun. The squeal hadn’t come from either of them so there must be at least one additional person, or demon, present in the room. 

“...disciple...”

“...poison...”

He was only able to hear bits and pieces of the conversation, but he was almost certain they were discussing the poison that had caused Mobei-Jun’s slow-healing wounds a few weeks prior. Was it a Huan Hua Palace disciple they had in there? 

Were they torturing him?

“...bigger..."

Bigger?

What could that poss–

…

Shang Qinghua suddenly broke out into a cold sweat. He couldn’t possibly be–

No, there was no way.

Was he even–

Mobei-Jun wasn’t sleeping with anybody, was he?!

He took several deep breaths and tried not to make any noise as he calmed himself down.

I’m a grown-ass man. I need to calm down…

Having taken a moment to gather his wits about him once again, he very decidedly did not delve any further into why he was upset at the idea of Mobei-Jun sleeping with somebody else and was instead alarmed at what sounded like a scuffle breaking out on the other side of the door. 

Mobei-Jun’s resounding grunt of pain was the last straw before Shang Qinghua lost his cool once again. He needed to get into that room right now!

Fuck! Fucking fuck!

The door was closed and he was four inches tall. He had no way of opening it himself. He would need to find another way into the room.

Dismounting, he ran up to the door and by his estimation he would be able to slide under the door jam, just barely. He stowed his sword in his inventory and got into his belly and carefully pushed himself through the small opening until he was emerging on the other side of the door. 

What greeted him when he surveyed the room was Mobei-Jun doubled over in pain next to a person whose wrists were bound standing over him haphazardly, and a third person, one of Mobei-Jun’s subordinates, laying prone in the corner, as if he’d just been thrown across the room. 

“My King!” Shang Qinghua shouted as he remounted his sword and flew over to where the two were facing off. 

In a plight of sheer panic and possibly instinct, he pulled the gold star out of his inventory and chucked it at the bound figure as though it were a ninja star, and was pleasantly surprised when it managed to hit the target exactly where he’d aimed, and then stricken with disappointment once he realized its effectiveness was about nil. 

Not missing a beat, he continued racing towards Mobei-Jun but stopped once he noticed the atmosphere in the room had shifted as three pairs of eyes turned to look at him with confused expressions. Sensing something was off, Shang Qinghua stopped his charge and hovered awkwardly in the middle of the room. 

“My King?” Shang Qinghua repeated, this time with a hint an abundance of uncertainty in his voice.

“Oh my,” the figure said as he pulled the gold star out of his neck and a little droplet of blood trickled down onto his shoulder. It was probably as deep as a papercut. 

Mobei-Jun stopped his staring as he once again groaned in pain and Shang Qinghua was beside himself with what to do. The figure dropped the gold star and reached out for Mobei-Jun once more, seemingly helping him.

“What’s going on?” Shang Qinghua asked, his voice small. He could see sweat dripping down Mobei-Jun’s face from the effort of staying upright, but he wasn’t doing anything to get away from this person that was still gripping his arms. 

The prone figure in the corner finally found his footing and dusted off his clothes gently before clearing his throat.

“Well, that certainly had a kick, didn’t it?”

“Yes, yes, indeed.”

“Hello, puny one.” the subordinate spoke to Shang Qinghua with a slight smile. Shang Qinghu deadpanned back at him when he heard the stupid nickname. 

“Our fearless leader has been suffering for quite some time from that poison you found him with all those weeks ago. This Huan Hua Palace disciple has agreed to help us create an antidote. We are currently in the midst of some…experimentation. Though despite the, uh, side effects, it appears to be working quite well.”

Shang Qinghua furrowed his brow, not understanding how he could tell if it was working when Mobei-Jun looked so incredibly terrible (though still very very attractive).

Mobei-Jun righted himself then and pushed the Huan Hua Palace disciple away gruffly. 

He said nothing, so after a beat the Huan Hua Palace disciple spoke up again as he gave Mobei-Jun a once over.

“It appears to have worked. How do you feel?”

“Fine,” was all he said.

Shang Qinghua was still hovering on his sword in the middle of the room taking everything in when Mobei-Jun suddenly beckoned for him to come over to him. He held out his hand and Shang Qinghua dismounted his sword, stuck it quickly in his inventory and jumped down, taking hold of his thumb like the last time.

“Try it,” Mobei-Jun commanded as he shoved his hand in the disciple’s direction. 

“Yes, yes, at once.”

What was he even talking about?

Clearly everything was fine here, the reason Mobei-Jun had been upset recently was probably because he was feeling physically ill from the trial and error of figuring out the antidote (he likely would have had to test each concoction on himself and then suffer the consequences of them). 

So the maid outfit…that was purely him wallowing in self-pity and using Shang Qinghua to placate himself?

Wow. Just, wow. He really was being objectified!

Though, he supposed it was nice that he was able to help him to feel better, even if it was at the cost of his pride–

Wait a damn minute! What kind of weird-ass thoughts am I having now?! Am I really that blinded by his stupid gorgeous face? And perfect body?!

(Of course he was).

It occurred to Shang Qinghua somewhere in the back of his mind that for him to be objectified by Mobei-Jun, that meant the ice demon must also find him attractive, and Shang Qinghua had no idea what to do with that information. 

Before he had a chance to get any more upset about it, the Huan Hua Palace disciple returned with a small cup that he held out to Shang Qinghua to take. 

“What…” Shang Qinghua trailed off. 

“We’ve also been working on a second potion. This is one I’m testing to try and make you, uh, bigger .”

…

Bigger?

Bigger?!

THAT’S what they were talking about?? 

And he had thought–

He was a fucking idiot. Confirmed. Cucumber bro would be having a fucking field day with this if he knew. 

“It still surprises me that we have wasted all this time making a potion to make this rodent the right size,” the demon in the corner muttered, not very quietly, in Shang Qinghua’s general direction.

Mobei-Jun was not pleased to hear this, and judging by the expression on his face and the words that followed, he further proved the point.

“Get out.”

Demon subordinate: shocked

Shang Qinghua: also shocked

The lowly demon, now affronted that Mobei-Jun would act in such a way, bowed to his king before backing out of the door and closing it quietly behind him. 

[Criteria for quest: Prove Your Devotion has been met. Quest completed. You may receive your reward,] the System chimed in as Shang Qinghua was still processing the fact that Mobei-Jun had just defended his honor. 

Shang Qinghua was startled by this notification because in his eyes, the quest had been completed after quite literally nothing had happened. 

How?!

[Quest completion earned through the following means: mutual respect.]

Wait…did that mean before when Mobei-Jun had let him hug him, he hadn’t respected him? Wow, it really had been a pity hug…

So he’d gone from being a pest to being pitied to being ogled to being…respected?

But wait, how did Mobei-Jun’s respect for him even count as “proving his devotion?”

[The quest name is a misnomer. Please remember the description which stated you needed to take your connection to the next level. This has been fulfilled.]

Wow, the System was being awfully helpful. That couldn’t be good.

But that meant…he had earned the potion? THE potion!

HE WAS GONNA BE BIG AGAIN!

18 years he had waited for this…

He’d been silent too long now, he realized, when Mobei-Jun suddenly looked at him concerningly, so he slammed the cup back in one large gulp (which was the right choice for how utterly disgusting it was) while he tried to think of a plan about his own potion waiting in his inventory.

It would be better not to use it now, not in front of people, at least until he figured out how it worked. He would just let them believe this potion hadn’t worked… yet . 

When nothing happened, the Huan Hua Palace disciple wrote some scribbles down on a scroll and continued working at the bench he’d most likely been at before Shang Qinghua had stormed in here.

In total, they made him try half a dozen more concoctions before Mobei-Jun finally had had enough and had them both leave the disciple in peace to work on the potion some more. 

The rest of the day went by in a blur, Shang Qinghua had so much on his mind to think about that he hardly paid attention to the going ons of the palace and whatever Mobei-Jun was up to.

He did notice, at least, that the ice demon was in a much better mood now that his own poison had been cured.

One thing in particular that was on his mind that kept him from being able to pay attention was whatever was going on with Mobei-Jun. The System’s quests had been leading him in a direction he wasn’t sure how he felt about.

Prove your devotion? Take your connection to the next level? Share an increase in intimacy? It was as though the System were trying to set them up. 

Did he mind? 

Well…certainly not. Mobei-Jun was exactly his type, afterall. But what purpose did it serve? What was the System’s angle?

None of his musings left him with any answers, and the System certainly wasn’t offering any either. All he could do was accept what was right in front of him.

Nah, fuck that. Shang Qinghua was reeling thinking about Mobei-Jun actually, possibly, maybe, potentially liking him back. 

He was also very, very nauseous after drinking so many stupid potions. Useless fucking Huan Hua Palace disciple trying to poison him…

Yeah, he felt awful.

When it was finally time for bed, Shang Qinghua was ready . He’d formulated a plan to try the potion out once Mobei-Jun had fallen asleep. What he hadn’t accounted for was Mobei-Jun’s attempt at pillow talk . 

“You tried to protect me,” Mobei-Jun stated. It wasn’t a question.

Shang Qinghua blushed at the acknowledgement and started formulating some kind of excuse immediately, but Mobei-Jun beat him to it.

“It was a pathetic attempt.”

Rude!

Shang Qinghua shrunk down, not sure what to say to that because it was true and they both knew it.

His voice, even more quiet now, uttered one last phrase.

“Thank you.”

Was–

Did he just–

Thank him?!

Mobei-Jun, who Shang Qinghua thought he knew and understood (as his creator, after all), whose heart he had imagined was three sizes too small…was actually a giant fucking sap.

How very out of character…

“M-My King!” Shang Qinghua didn’t know how else to respond to that.

“Of course, my King, I was simply honoring our agreement! To serve you means to risk one’s life to protect you! I was only doing what I ought–”

Mobei-Jun chuckled and rubbed the top of Shang Qinghua’s head with his finger before unceremoniously picking him up and dumping him back in his pocket before rolling over to get ready to sleep.

Should he…should he thank him back?

Probably, right?

Right?

“Th-thank you, as well. For the–the potions. I don’t know why you would do such a thing for me, but–”

“Sleep,” Mobei-Jun interrupted him, and he promptly closed his mouth and stopped talking. A smile was on both their lips as Shang Qinghua tucked himself back into Mobei-Jun’s pocket. 

Once he was sure that Mobei-Jun had fallen asleep, Shang Qinghua checked out his inventory for the newly acquired quest reward; the potion that would make him big. The item didn’t have a very thorough description so he asked the System how it worked exactly. It was less than forthcoming, so he decided to just go for it. He crawled his way out of Mobei-Jun’s pocket and onto the other side of the large bed before he gulped it down and crossed his fingers.

For a moment, nothing happened at all, then all of a sudden, the System chimed in.

[New ability acquired: Morph. To activate the ability, simply write the characters for whichever species size you’d like to change to.]

What’s the cooldown period on this ability? Shang Qinghua asked the System.

[Morph can be used at any time.]

Well…that was simple enough…and surprisingly very handy. 

Without a second though, Shang Qinghua wrote the character for ‘human’ on his palm and waited with baited breath for his transformation to begin. 

He was nervous, of course. Would it be painful? Would he still have–

Woah!

With little fanfare, Shang Qinghua felt his entire body grow until he snapped into a human size and flumped back down onto the bed. 

In his excitement, he failed to notice that all of the clothes on his body had been ripped into shreds and destroyed by his rapid size change, and so now he was laying on the other side of Mobei-Jun’s bed, buck ass naked!

He squeaked with alarm as he struggled to cover up as much of his body as he could with his hands, and in his struggle he must have woken Mobei-Jun up because now he was starting to stir.

Holy shit! What do I do?! Fuck!

On a whim, Shang Qinghua looked through his inventory and was surprised to see that the same maid outfit he’d been wearing for Mobei-Jun nearly every day had in fact sized up with him. Did that happen to all the items in his inventory? 

He didn’t have time to check, though, as he grabbed the outfit and threw it on haphazardly as quickly as possible before Mobei-Jun woke up and discovered him.

Just as he had finished covering himself, Mobei-Jun’s eyes slipped open and his gaze landed on Shang Qinghua’s prone form next to him. 

He was still at first, moving nothing except for his eyes as Shang Qinghua laid there nearly shaking with trepidation. 

Mobei-Jun blinked a few times, clearly still taking in what he was seeing, before sitting up and giving Shang Qinghua’s body a proper once over. 

He was…he was checking him out! Actively!

This made Shang Qinghua feel embarrassed and crimson flooded his cheeks in an instant. Mobei-Jun didn’t let any emotions show on his face as he sat up and started moving towards Shang Qinghua, slowly crawling on his hands and knees. 

Shang Qinghua, panicked now, stuttered out a measly, “M-My King…” until suddenly he was no longer able to breathe, as Mobei-Jun had finished boxing him in with his arms, placed on either side of his shoulders, his body directly over top of Shang Qinghua’s now. 

Shang Qinghua watched as Mobei-Jun’s tongue darted out of his mouth and wet his lips. 

That had been the final straw, and Shang Qinghua somehow found the strength to scramble out from underneath where Mobei-Jun’s arms had caged him in and onto the floor where he immediately began kowtowing and pleading for mercy.

“My King! I’m so sorry for invading your bed without being invited. I behaved quite dishonorably and I will find somewhere else to sleep so you don’t have to–”

“Stay,” Mobei-Jun said simply. 

Shang Qinghua looked up from where his head had been touching the floor in surprise at the softness in Mobei-Jun’s tone. 

He…wanted him?

Mobei-Jun held his hand out for Shang Qinghua, and after swallowing roughly, he found the courage to grab ahold of it. 

~&~

Things were different after that. 

First, Shang Qinghua was given new clothing (Mobei-Jun hadn’t liked the idea of Shang Qinghua wearing his only outfit for anyone besides himself, and so a new wardrobe’s worth of clothing was brought in within a few hours.)

Second, Shang Qinghua spent most of his time in his human form now, however, he had accidentally revealed to Mobei-Jun that he could still go back and forth, and so some of the time he would still accompany Mobei-Jun by sitting in his pocket during meetings. 

The third thing, which was a bit more significant, was that he was not given his own quarters. No, Mobei-Jun has simply moved him into his own more properly. He slept with his head lying on Mobei-Jun’s chest each night, a cold and firm pillow that he couldn’t ever get enough of.

Their first time had been nothing to write home about, and Shang Qinghua had been so embarrassed that he’d spent an entire week in his Borrower form to prevent it from happening again. 

The System continued giving him quests, and now he was on a questline that he was sure was leading up to him needing to become the An Ding Peak Lord which the System had inadvertently told him about before…he would have to talk to Mobei-Jun about going to become a disciple soon…that conversation would probably not go well.

The fourth and final thing was the most significant of them all.

“My King,” he said in reverence. 

The term that he originally used as a plea for his life had, over time, morphed into a term he used to express his deepest love and devotion. 

“You,” Mobei-Jun called after him. “Come here.”

Maybe Mobei-Jun didn’t show reverence in the same way, but his actions spoke louder than his words, especially in the way his hands–[redacted].

Sorry folks! That wouldn’t be teen rated.