Chapter Text
Summer 2025
The house is the same. It’s always the same. Bee’s stepfather hasn’t touched it in nearly fifteen years, so it’s only Bee that ever changes anything. It’s a comfort that it looks the same as the summer before, a constant in a world of inconsistency.
Andrew steps out of his car and stares at the familiar pale yellow siding and bright white trim. It’s a classic beach house - steep pitched roofs, scalloped trim under the eaves, decorative shutters at every window, even the circle one at the top roof peak. Andrew thought it looked too cheerful his first summer here, that he didn’t deserve something so bright and warm. Now, ten years later, he looks forward to coming here, looks forward to settling into his room and sitting by the pool. He takes a moment to appreciate how far he’s come to admit that even to himself.
Aaron and Nicky clamber out of the car behind him, pulling backpacks onto their shoulders and staring at the house too.
“Never gets old,” Nicky sighs.
Andrew pops the trunk, and they retrieve their other bags. Aaron has been entrusted with the spare key this summer, and he unlocks the front door to let them into the foyer. It’s a little dusty and stuffy but as cheerful as ever. The dining room to the right is bright with the mid-day sun. Nicky throws the windows open in there, and Aaron and Andrew continue into the kitchen. Everything is a pale green, and the sun shines off the white countertops. A second, smaller dining table, much more commonly used than the formal dining room, sits in front of the back bay windows. Aaron throws open the French doors behind the couch, and the sea breeze floods into the room.
God, there are so many memories in this room, so many memories that Andrew could never have imagined. Good memories. Happy memories. He checks that the fridge is working and resets the time on the stove and microwave.
Nicky joins them and sighs. "Wow. I am so happy to be back. It's been too long."
"And whose fault is that?" Aaron quips.
"Oh, fully mine. I take full responsibility. And I do not regret taking my well-deserved year honeymoon in Germany." He sighs again. "But I do miss this place. A lot."
Andrew nods and admits, "Me, too."
They trudge upstairs together and break off to their rooms. Andrew opens his windows to smell the salt water and get the musty, humid feel out of the room. He tosses his duffel on the bed and goes through the motions of unpacking into the little dresser in the closet and adding a few worn paperbacks to the bookshelf. He'll have to go through these this summer, decide if he wants to take any of them to college in the fall.
The pocket door to the bathroom rolls open, and Andrew looks over his shoulder at Aaron, leaning against the doorjamb. "Is it just me or does everything feel…smaller this year?"
Andrew looks at the bed, a twin with dark blue sheets he's had since he was ten. It does look small, and he did notice that it took less steps to get to the closet than he remembers. "Maybe."
"It's stupid. Not like either of us grew since last year."
"Speak for yourself."
Aaron raises an eyebrow. "Maybe if you're wearing your boots."
He's right, though. They haven't changed much physically. But this summer does feel different. Andrew thinks it probably has something to do with the fact that they graduated last weekend and are starting college in the fall - a milestone moment, his therapist said, when he told her how he felt unmoored for first time in years. (And then she went on to talk about liminal spaces and how they can screw with your mind. It once again, infuriatingly, explained a lot about Andrew's childhood.)
After minimal unpacking and a quick test of the hot water in the shower and the functionality of the toilets, Andrew starts a lap around the house. In the dining room, he pulls out the placemats - the lemon ones Bee picked up at a flea market years ago - and lays them on the table. They don't use the formal dining much, but it makes it feel a bit more like home. In the kitchen, he hangs Bee's favorite tea towel perfectly on the handle of the oven and wipes down the sink until it shines. In the living room, he and Aaron drag the lap blankets from the linen closets and drape them over the sectional and armchair, always within arms reach when Bee is reading or they settle in for a movie night.
They meet Nicky in the backyard where he's fiddling with the pool equipment. Aaron digs out the patio furniture cushions from the storage chest, and Andrew unfurls the umbrellas. The sound of the pool filling washes Andrew with so much nostalgia he has to pause and breathe through it. For a moment, he takes it all in - the ocean lapping in the distance, Nicky humming as he checks the chemicals, Aaron muttering a curse when a cushion tumbles from the stack he's carrying, the house coming alive around him.
"Well, it's true. Many hands make light work." Andrew turns to see Bee standing in the open French doors, smiling. "You've only been here - what? Twenty minutes longer than me?"
"We're experts at this by now, Bee," Nicky says. "Even after two years, I got the pool running right away."
"Maybe someone should double check the chemicals. Just in case," Aaron drawls. Nicky rolls his eyes and shoots him a glare. His smile softens it too much to take him seriously.
"Alright. Alright. Lunch." Bee claps her hands. "Come wash up and help me."
A half an hour and only one dropped bowl later, they're sitting around the patio table, munching on sandwiches and watermelon and salvaged potato salad. Bee is grilling Nicky about his time in Germany even though he called once a week and gave detailed updates. Andrew still listens as his gaze wanders to the house next door.
He can only see the upper floor over the nearly eight foot privacy fence. It's more modern, stockier, a light stucco façade instead of siding. And it's empty, just as it has been for the last seven summers. Another thing that never changes - another constant, one that hurts a little instead of soothes.
As they're cleaning up, though, Andrew sees movement out of the corner of his eye and just barely catches someone leave the house and stand on the covered porch. Through the slats and with the little bit of height their own porch gives him, Andrew makes out a man - older, probably in his fifties, dressed in slacks and half zip pullover. He stands at the edge of the top step and lights a cigar, the cherry glowing red for a moment.
Andrew watches for too long, but no one joins him. He scans the house windows, cranes his neck like it would help him see past the house to the front drive. But it seems the house has finally found a new owner. And somehow, this is worse, worse than empty year after year. Because at least if it was empty, Andrew could pretend that he might come back, that his family might still own the house and had just decided on a different summer vacation spot for a bit.
But this… This confirms it. He won't see him again.
***
Summer 2017
Andrew hates the sun. He hates the way his shirt sticks to his back with sweat. He hates the slimy film of the sunscreen Bee insisted on, hates that he even has to be outside. He'd much rather be in his room, reading, than out here, watching his brother and cousin play in the pool. But again, Bee insisted he needed the fresh air and sunshine. And while she has yet to dole out a punishment for disobedience in the four months she's lived with her, he didn't want to take any chances.
So, here he is, suffocating in his long sleeves and jeans but unwilling to take either off. He relented and rolled his cuffs up a few inches to stick his feet in the water. But the scars littering the inside of his arms are still a closely guarded secret. He knows Bee knows, even though she's never said anything to him about it directly. It was part of the court case for her to get custody and a reason for the court mandated therapy sessions he started as soon as he got to South Carolina in March. And he's sure his therapist has told her, too. She promised that Bee wouldn't know anything he told her unless she was afraid he would hurt himself or other people. He figured this fell into that category.
But Nicky and Aaron don't know. And he knows that Aaron would ask all sorts of question, nosy as he is. Bee calls him inquisitive, curious. Andrew calls him annoying. And Nicky…he doesn't know Nicky as well. He was vaguely aware of a cousin in the little that Cas let slip about the case. But he wasn't expecting a bubbly boy so totally opposite in looks from him and Aaron. And he didn't expect him to look so…sad when he found out things about Andrew's life until now. (He didn't expect him to be here this summer at all, but Bee said she wanted them all to have bonding time, whether Nicky's parents liked it or not. He's not sure what to make of that.)
He hasn't added to the scars since last year, scared it would hurt Bee's case. And he was desperate to get out of California, out of the Spears' home, out from under Drake's heavy gaze. Now that he is…well, he's not sure how he feels really. Bee is nice, but all of his foster moms were at the beginning. Nicky seems sweet, but so did Drake. Aaron asks too many questions, and Andrew doesn't know how to have a brother - a permanent one, one that shares DNA, one that looks like him.
It's all…new. Different. He's had new and different too many times to trust that any of the good different will stick around very long.
Andrew leans back on his hands and looks around instead of letting his thoughts wander too far in any one direction. The house to the left of Bee's is hidden almost completely by trees. The house to the right, however, is hidden only partially by a tall fence. Andrew can really only see the upper floor, and as he's scanning the windows, something catches his eye.
In the far second floor window, there’s a boy. The sun glints off of his bright red hair, and he catches Andrew's eye for a split second before disappearing.
Before he can think about it too much, he says, "Aaron?"
Aaron pauses in his splash fight with Nicky and looks at Andrew with wide eyes. A wave of water washes over him, his blonde bangs flattened onto his forehead. "Nicky! Stop it! Andrew has a question."
Nicky stops, too, just as surprised, and they both paddle over to bracket Andrew's feet at the edge of the pool.
"Do you know the boy next door?" Andrew asks, a little uncomfortable with their undivided attention.
"Oh!" Aaron bobs in the water and pushes his bangs off of his forehead. "No, I don't. They're here every year, and I see him in the window sometimes or maybe in their pool. But I've never talked to him."
"Hm."
Nicky grins. "Mystery! I love mysteries." Nicky loves everything. Andrew's not sure there's anything he hates.
They float away when they realize that Andrew has nothing more to say. And Andrew watches the window, waiting to the mystery boy to reappear.
***
Summer 2025
Andrew sees him at the ice cream parlor first. Well, he thinks he does. He's sitting at one of the outdoor tables, cursing the sun, worshipping the chocolate Oreo mixer he's working through, and listening to Aaron and Nicky jabber endlessly about absolutely nothing. There's a flash of red hair at the order window, the exact color that haunts his dreams, but when he looks again, it's gone. He shakes it away as a coincidence, a trick his mind is playing on him.
But then it happens again.
Nicky drags him into a thrift store "For a new college wardrobe." And as he's flipping through the section of black t-shirts, he sees it again. A redhead pushing out the front door and wandering down the street. Before he knows it, he's outside, squinting down the sidewalk. No redheads.
"…drew? Andrew?" Nicky wanders to the front door, cautious. "Everything ok?"
"Yeah." No. "Yeah."
And again.
He and Aaron end up on opposite sides of the local used bookstore, browsing endlessly. Over the top of a center bookshelf, Andrew spots a flash of red hair. He shakes it off. How many people in South Beach have red hair? But then he sees it again, farther into the store. Still trying to keep it cool, he wanders through the aisles. Aaron wouldn't let it go quite as quickly as Nicky did if Andrew started rushing through the store to spy on fellow customers.
By the time he gets to the right shelf, there's no one there. And he doesn’t see the red hair again. That's when he starts feeling truly crazy. He seriously considers calling his therapist for an emergency session, something he hasn't done since they switched to once a month appointments instead of once a week. But he doesn't. He's not sure how he would explain it anyway. He's never told her about that summer, even right after. It's his, personal.
So instead, he stews on it. He sits for hours with his feet in the pool staring at the second floor window. His mind wanders during movie night to the vivid memories of a redheaded boy with bright blue eyes who wouldn't stop staring at him. And he wanders down to the beach at night to stare at the stars and try to stop thinking at all.
A week in, he stays on the beach long after sundown, long after the fires go out and the partiers straggle off. At almost one in the morning, after a long staring contest with the night sky, Andrew startles at footsteps crunching through the sand behind him.
"I came out here to be alone," Andrew says, expecting a hot chocolate to be passed over his shoulder or a snort that sounds too much like his own. Nicky's the only one who can sleep like the dead.
Instead, the footsteps stop, and a voice says, "You probably shouldn't be on a public beach, then."
Andrew looks over his shoulder and stops breathing. Ice blue eyes are staring back at him shadowed by a shock of auburn hair. Nathaniel smiles crookedly, hands shoved into his hoodie pocket. Slowly, he moves forward until he's even with Andrew and sinks into the sand. Within touching distance. Real.
***
Summer 2017
Andrew catches glimpses of the redheaded boy a few times over the next couple of weeks. Looking out the window. Leaving the front door to get into a sleek black SUV. Darting out onto the porch and into the pool. But it's flashes, nothing more.
After a particularly overstimulating afternoon where Andrew snaps at both Aaron and Nicky for pressing every button he has, Bee gives him a popsicle and sends him ahead of them to the beach to have a moment alone. Andrew's not sure how she knows that it will help, but it does. There are other people on the beach, of course, but the stretch in front of Bee's house is empty. Andrew sits and enjoys the cool sweetness of the popsicle as it drips down his fingers.
"Is that a chocolate popsicle?"
Andrew jumps and turns to find a boy with bright red hair and the prettiest blue eyes Andrew has ever seen. It takes him a few moments to find his tongue. "Uh. Yes?"
"That sounds amazing. My mum doesn’t let me have many sweets." Still slightly dumbstruck, Andrew watches as the boy plops onto the sand next to him. "I'm Nathaniel. I live next door. What's your name?"
"Andrew."
Nathaniel smiles, and Andrew misses half of what he says next. "…that there's two of you this summer."
"Wait, what?"
"There's two of you. Twins?"
"Oh, yeah." Before Andrew can stop himself, he starts talking. "Our mom didn’t want us when we were babies, and we got separated. Bee got Aaron a few years ago, and when she found out about me, she wanted to get us back together. Took a while, but we're adopted now."
"And the other kid?"
"Nicky. Our cousin."
Nathaniel nods slowly. "Wow." He looks out at the ocean. "So, Bee's your mum now?"
Andrew blinks at the side of his face. "Uh. Yeah. Kind of. But we just call her Bee."
"I don't think my parents like each other very much." A tiny furrow appears between his eyebrows. "Or me. And my dad's…scary." Andrew's stomach drops. But Nathaniel keeps talking, smiling again. "But that's why I like to come here in the summer. Dad doesn’t come very much. The only thing is, I don't have a lot of friends, because Mum doesn’t want me to go very far."
"We could be your friends. Aaron. Nicky. Me."
Nathaniel looks at him, one blue eye squinting against the sun. "Really?"
"Andrew!" Nicky's voice cuts through the air. "Andrew, did you make a friend?"
They turn to find Nicky skipping ahead of Aaron and Bee, arms full of towels and wearing his favorite bright pink swim trunks. Nicky makes a chaotic first impression, but Nathaniel doesn't stop smiling. Aaron's a bit more hesitant but ultimately shrugs and asks in Nathaniel likes to boogie board. After an enthusiastic yes, Nathaniel is yanked out to the waves. Andrew watches him. And he can't look away.
***
Summer 2025
Andrew only breathes again when Nathaniel smiles. It tugs at a scar on his cheek, a new one. Well, a scar he didn't have eight years ago. There's one on his other cheek, too, a round puckered thing that mirrors the ones on each of his knuckles. He looks so different - taller, leaner, a more defined jawline. But he also looks exactly the same. His eyes are just as bright. His smile is just as breathtaking.
"Nathaniel," Andrew says, hating how breathy it is. He can't quite seem to pull in enough air.
"Actually, I go by Neil now," Neil says, and Andrew is thrown back into a long-forgotten conversation. He has to shake his head to remind him what year it is, how much time has passed.
"Neil." Neil smiles like it's the greatest thing Andrew has ever said. After another long pause that Neil doesn't seem inclined to end, Andrew says, "Eight years."
Neil flinches, just a little, but he doesn't shy away from the implied question. "Yeah, um, well…Mum left Dad that last summer we were here. Took me with her to Seattle. She died a few years ago, and Dad tried to get me back - custody and all that, you know." Andrew does know. He knows better than most. "My uncle stepped in instead, and I've been living with him in England for the last year."
Andrew can tell. He doesn't have a full-on English accent, but his Rs are softer, like how Nicky's English sounds just a little German now. Andrew can also tell that he's not telling the full truth. His eyes dart between Andrew and the sand and the water, a tick he had when he was younger. But Andrew doesn't push. He knows what it's like to not trust someone, and while it hurts that Neil doesn't trust him anymore, he gets it.
So, he nods. "That's…a lot."
"Yeah." Neil stretches out his legs in front of him, and Andrew has to stop himself from staring at them, bare from the hem of his shorts down to his toes. "But I asked my uncle to come here this summer, because I wanted to see you. I missed you."
Once again, Andrew stops breathing. He pinches his thigh just to convince himself this isn't some sort of dream. It's not. Neil is real. Neil is sitting on the beach next to him. Neil is telling him that he missed him. Andrew missed him, too. He's spent eight years denying that. How can he miss someone he knew for six weeks? But now that he's here, face to face with the first boy he ever had feelings for, he lets himself feel it.
Neil seems to take his silence as something other than utter shock and awe, and his face falls into discomfort. "I'm sorry. That was…That was a lot."
"Neil." Andrew reaches out to touch him, to…comfort him? Andrew's not entirely sure, but it's like a reflex, touching Neil. A reflex he didn't even realize he had.
But Neil…Neil flinches. He flinches away from Andrew's fingers, and Andrew hates himself. Is horrified with himself. He yanks his hand back. And he doesn't quite apologize. But it must be written all over his face, because Neil shakes his head.
"It's fine, Andrew." He digs his phone of his back pocket. "I should…head inside actually. It's late. But here…" He holds out his phone, open to a new contact screen. Andrew takes it, careful not to brush fingers, and taps his name and number in. Neil smiles again when he takes the phone back. "I'll text, ok?"
"Ok."
And then he's gone, shuffling through the sand and disappearing through the gate.
***
Summer 2017
Nathaniel comes over almost every day to play in the pool. Bee seems unbothered once he demonstrates his swimming ability and only nudges Nathaniel to check in with his mom when he's been away from home for more than a few hours. Andrew sits on the side of the pool, jeans rolled up and feet resting on the top step. He has a book most days, but Encyclopedia Brown can't compete with watching Nathaniel play with Nicky and Aaron. In his bright blue trunks and neon orange swim tee, he's like a beacon, drawing Andrew in and threatening to drown him.
The first day he comes over, he's entirely perplexed why Andrew won't get into the pool. "But it's hot. Aren't you dying in that?"
Andrew blinks at him and then down at his jeans and long sleeve t-shirt. "I guess. But I don't…want to get in the pool."
Nathaniel bugs him a few more times, and at first Andrew bristles. He doesn't like being told what to do, doesn't like being poked and prodded. But then he catches Nathaniel staring at him, disappointed. And Andrew realizes he just wants Andrew to play.
But Andrew can't figure out how he'd get in the pool without showing his arms. He has a pair of swim trunks that Bee bought before the trip. But the thought of getting in the pool in a long sleeve shirt makes his skin crawl. He can imagine the fabric weighing him down, clinging to his skin. So, he stays at the steps, abandoning his book completely by Bee's pool lounger and engaging as much as he can from the edge.
After a couple of days of this, Nathaniel tries a new approach. Andrew is slightly distracted watching Aaron attempt to dunk Nicky at the far end of the pool when a hand wraps around his ankle and tugs. His foot shoots out and connects with something soft, and then he's scrambling back from the edge of the pool until he bumps into Bee's chair. The touch burns, and he can't pull enough air into his lungs. And for a moment, he thinks he might actually die.
But then he hears Bee's voice, soft and sweet. "Andrew? It's ok. I'm right here. Can you hear me?"
He blinks and focuses on Bee's face, smiling even through the concern. Andrew nods.
"Alright. Can you breathe for me? In…" Andrew forces in one breath and then another, until he's not feeling quite so dizzy. "There we go. I'm going to get you some lemonade, ok?" She pushes up from her squat and starts inside, tossing over her shoulder, "Nicky, you're in charge."
Now that Bee is no longer crouching in front of him, Andrew has full view of the pool. Aaron still has an arm wrapped around Nicky's neck, obviously paused halfway through a dunk attempt. Both have matching worried looks, and Andrew has to look away. But his eyes land on Nathaniel next, and it's so much worse. Nathaniel's eyes are huge, and his chest rises and falls in great heaves.
Slowly, Andrew scoots back to the edge of the pool, keeping a foot or so between him and the water. Nathaniel stares at him. "Did I kick you?"
Nathaniel nods. "But it's fine."
"I don't -" He squeezes his hands together in his lap. "I don't like being touched. People…People have touched me before, without asking, and I didn't like it."
If possible, Nathaniel's eyes get rounder. "Ok. I understand." His head bobs a few times. "I won't touch you again. I'm sorry."
"It's ok."
Bee comes back, then, and hands Andrew a glass of lemonade. Nathaniel clings to the side of the pool and watches Andrew sip. It's only when Andrew moves forward and puts his feet in again that he swims away to join Nicky and Aaron in their game of Marco Polo. Even then, he seems to look at Andrew more often than usual. Andrew finds that he doesn't mind much.
***
Summer 2025
For three days, Andrew is convinced he actually dreamed the conversation on the beach. Because for three days, his phone stays horribly, infuriatingly silent. He's this close to actually calling his therapist and asking her if hallucinations are on the list of symptoms for this many diagnoses when a text pops down during his mid morning TikTok scroll.
Unknown Number: hey its neil
Unknown Number: can I come over today?
Andrew sits bolt upright in bed and stares at the text for far too long before responding.
Andrew: Yes
He's not sure what else to say, so he doesn't say anything else. Neil doesn't either. He didn't mention a time, so Andrew is left restlessly wandering back and forth between the pool and the kitchen, hoping he doesn't miss the doorbell if it rings. Bee gives him a weird look every time he passes her lounge chair but doesn't say anything.
Finally, at almost six, Andrew hears the gate open on the fence next door, and he tries to turn the floaty he's currently lounging on without looking like a lunatic. He only mostly succeeds, but he spots Neil and the older man he saw over the fence as they come around the fence into the backyard. Neil locks eyes with Andrew, and he tries not to flush as Neil's gaze wanders down to Andrew's bare chest.
Neil blinks, clears his throat, and says, "Hi."
Bee's lounge chair creaks as she gets up. "Um, hi," she says warily. Neil waits a beat, looking slightly nervous. And then Bee's in Andrew's line of sight, meeting them where they've stopped at the edge of the grass. "Oh my… Nathaniel?"
Neil smiles just a little. "Wasn't sure if you'd remember me."
"Of course, but it's been…it's been so long." She clasps her hands together in front of her. "You're all grown up."
The man steps forward with an outstretched hand. "I'm Stuart Hatford, his uncle. You must be Bee. Neil's told me a lot about you."
Bee shakes his outstretched hand. "Oh, well, good things I hope. Lovely to meet you. Can I get you something to drink?"
"That would be lovely."
They head into the house, and Neil stands at the edge of the pool, looking at Andrew with something akin to awe on his face. It strikes Andrew that Neil has never seen him shirtless before. He still has his arm bands on - the ones he ordered custom made out of swimsuit material - but everything else is on full display. Before Andrew can think of a flirty but not too flirty if he's reading Neil's facial expression wrong comment, there's a sharp gasp from the back door.
"Nathaniel!" Nicky hits Neil full force, and Andrew winces.
Neil takes it in stride, and pats Nicky awkwardly on the back. "Good to see you, too, Nicky." As soon as Nicky loosens his grip slightly, Neil squirms out of his arms.
Nicky takes an exaggerated step backward and tucks his arms to his chest. "Sorry. Should've asked first."
"It's fine."
Aaron appears next, stopping at Nicky's side with a raised eyebrow. "What happened to you?"
"Aaron!" Nicky whisper-shouts with a well-placed elbow to the ribs.
"Ow!" Aaron shoves Nicky's shoulder. "I meant where he's been for eight years. I'm not that mean."
"But you are that nosy," Andrew says.
Aaron rolls his eyes, and Nicky jumps in, probably to avoid the usual round of bickering. "Why don't you catch us up while we swim? You did come over to hang out, right?"
"Yeah. I mean, if that's ok." Neil looks to Andrew like he holds all the power.
Andrew raises an eyebrow. "Do you need an engraved invitation?"
Neil grins so wide it shows his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut. "Ok. I'll go change."
He comes back in bright orange trunks and a black long sleeve swim shirt. With a slightly wild grin, he jumps into the pool right next to Andrew and douses him thoroughly.
When he pops out of the water, hair plastered to his forehead, Andrew glares at him. "I hate you."
"No, you don't."
No, he doesn't.