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Zandik sighed heavily, turning the key in the car ignition to switch the engine off before slumping back in the driver’s seat. His hand left the key without pulling it out, as if unconsciously manifesting a reality in which he could simply switch it back on and immediately turn back towards home. Ajax watched him from the passenger’s seat with a close-lipped grimace.
“We don’t have to go in right away,” Ajax piped up. “We’re a little bit early. Peruere said they had some things to set up.”
“Mm.” Zandik said nothing more, staring through the front window at the restaurant across the parking lot. A palpable sense of weariness radiated off him in waves.
“Come on, it’s gonna be fun!” Ajax reassured. “It’s not so bad, getting a chance to hang out with friends outside of work.”
“Your friends,” Zandik corrected. He turned his head to Ajax and gave him a tight, insincere smile. “I do believe it’s your friends we’ll be meeting in there.”
“Aw, don’t be like that! They like you, too!”
“Is that so? And what little fantasy world are we inhabiting today, then?”
Ajax pursed his lips. He was starting to feel bad, which in turn made him feel a little irritated. It was like Zandik was trying to make him feel bad, and just for encouraging him to get out and socialize a bit! He knew the guy liked being by himself, but it wasn’t like Ajax was dragging him to a huge party or anything! It was just a small group of friends, and many of them they both already knew well. There were the twins, from outside of work—both of whom were always a bit too quick to ask if Ajax was still seeing Zandik whenever they met up, and would shoot each other subtle, awkward cringes upon hearing the answer. Then there was Peruere from work, who had set up the get-together as a way to celebrate Ajax’s birthday—who was once locked in a feud with human resources regarding what she considered to be “shady business practices” on Zandik’s behalf, and ended up dissatisfied with the measly slap on the wrist the latter received in response to the incident. Then there was Kunikuzushi, who no longer worked for the company but still begrudgingly kept in touch at Ajax’s behest—who Zandik used to date. Before what was allegedly a very tumultuous break-up.
…Shit. Maybe Ajax did have a reason to feel guilty.
It hadn't sounded that bad at first, mostly because Pantalone was initially supposed to be in attendance at the party, and Ajax knew he and Zandik would inevitably pair off halfway through the night to snicker to themselves, just as they tended to do in the office. But Pantalone had to cancel at the last minute, which inadvertently left Zandik with no buffer between him and the rest of the party. It happened so suddenly, Ajax hadn’t really considered the ramifications of that.
At best, Ajax could draw the others’ attention away for the majority of the evening, leaving Zandik to stare vacantly ahead of himself with no one to talk to, even if he wanted to do so. At worst, Kuni or Lumine might have a few too many and end up throwing themselves across the table at him before they even had a chance to order dessert.
Still, there had to be a healthy middle ground somewhere. It was Ajax’s birthday! Not to mention, they were all adults—surely, everyone involved could be civil enough to make it through the night, right?
“It doesn't have to be a big deal,” Ajax insisted. “We’re all just here to have a good time.”
“Yes,” Zandik droned. “And I’m sure my mere presence will quickly put an end to that.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Ajax scoffed, though deep down inside he thought the idea might not be as ridiculous as he wanted it to be. “If nothing else, they all know how much you mean to me. I’m sure nobody’s going to cause a scene.”
Zandik sighed deeply, giving Ajax a weary look. “That’s another thing. Did it ever occur to you that inviting me might be… a tad inappropriate?”
“What, this again?!” Ajax exclaimed, throwing his arms across his chest with a huff. It seemed like they were always getting into the same old fights. “We’re the worst-kept secret at the office! Everybody already knows it, so what’s the problem?”
“Knowing and seeing are two very different things.”
“We’re off the clock! What does it matter? I don’t understand why you always bring this up, anyway… There’s nothing bad about us being together. It's not like you’re my supervisor.”
“But I am your senior. And I’m already on thin ice regarding ‘inappropriate interpersonal workplace relationships.’” Zandik gestured with his middle and forefingers to imply he’d heard the phrase many times before, most likely in response to his and Kunikuzushi’s very public break-up and the latter’s subsequent resignation. “I’m sure Peruere’s already writing another email to human resources as we speak.”
“She wouldn't do that!” Ajax protested, though he couldn't help but wince. Sulking, he added, “She’s not like that once you get to know her. She’s just serious about the job. And you know, this might be a good opportunity to make nice with a few of these people. You don’t exactly make much of an effort either.”
“Forgive me,” Zandik said, rolling his eyes. “Perhaps you’re right. Maybe that dead rat Kunikuzushi left on my desk in lieu of a letter of resignation was some kind of olive branch, after all. I'm sure he’d be overjoyed if I tried striking up a conversation with him over dinner.”
Ajax winced again. He always managed to forget about that… Kuni sure knew how to cause a scene when he wanted to. But he had mellowed out a lot since then. Surely, if everyone were on their best behavior, they wouldn’t—
Ajax’s optimism was finally beginning to run dry. He fidgeted in his seat nervously.
“You can drink,” Ajax offered hopefully. “A lot. I’ll drive home.”
“Ajax, that would make things worse even if I wasn’t drinking,” Zandik said. “I would prefer not to vomit on the side of the road this evening. Though I appreciate the sentiment.”
Ajax knew it was a long shot. Zandik got carsick at the drop of a hat unless he was driving. He didn't even like drinking, anyway—Ajax was just grasping at straws now. He felt defeated, slumping in his seat as he stared ruefully at the restaurant at the end of the parking lot. Maybe he was just too idealistic; take all that away, and there was no denying what a terrible idea this was. Everyone involved would be better off if he hadn't invited Zandik, including Zandik himself. Perhaps it would have been kinder to let him off the hook so Ajax could meet with everyone else by himself. But that sounded awful…
“Maybe we should just go home, then,” Ajax muttered.
Zandik glanced over at him with a raised brow, suddenly looking surprised. “Why?”
“Why?” Ajax parroted incredulously. Was Zandik really petty enough to make him spell it out? Though Ajax couldn't shake the feeling that he partially deserved that. He sighed, squaring his jaw in disappointment. “I didn’t think this through. You’ll just be miserable the whole time, and that’s not what I wanted. I can call Peruere and tell her something suddenly came up. She’ll understand. This just… isn't what I wanted.”
What he wanted was… probably too much. Ajax didn't consider himself to be a greedy person, but maybe he’d just been a bit too self-centered. When Peruere first suggested putting together a birthday party for him, the only thing he really wanted was to share in a pleasant evening with some of the people he felt closest to. He didn't want anyone to feel like they had to go out of their way for him. Especially not Zandik. If this one oversight was going to bring down the mood for everyone, Ajax didn't want to be the one who caused it.
As he sulked, Zandik just stared at him, seemingly at a loss for words. After a long time, he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.
“Ajax, I am not going to be miserable,” he said finally, sounding exasperated. “You think I’m not used to disparaging looks and dead animals on my desk?”
Ajax furrowed his brow and looked back at him worryingly. “Someone else left a dead animal on your desk before Kuni?”
“That’s not important right now. The point is, I’ve never had any intention of backing out of this. If I wanted out that badly, I wouldn’t have agreed to join you in the first place.”
“Then why are you making me feel so guilty for bringing you?” Ajax asked with a frown.
“Guilty?” Zandik let out an odd, humorless laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Honestly, I didn't think it was possible to guilt you into anything. That wasn't what I was trying to do. I was just thinking out loud. Just ignore me.”
Ajax believed him, if only because he didn't think he'd ever heard Zandik suggest that he should be ignored. Maybe he really did just speak without thinking. Ajax couldn’t blame him, wondering if he was just being exceptionally sensitive. Strangely enough, it had felt easier to be haphazard when they were still new; now that things between them were getting more and more serious, Ajax didn't want to screw it up. But all that notwithstanding, Zandik had already brought up too many obvious points to take back.
“You’re right, though,” Ajax sighed. “This wasn't a good idea. You’re gonna have an awful time, and I don't want to be the one that drags you there.”
“I won’t,” Zandik insisted.
“How?” Ajax shot back. Even with the best of intentions, he had forced Zandik into an impossible situation—he knew Zandik was a stickler for logic, and shouldn't be able to argue against a fact as plain as that.
Zandik averted his gaze, looking out the window as his expression suddenly turned to stone. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”
“How?” Ajax asked again, more forcefully this time. If Zandik was going to argue against the simple truth, he’d have to do better than that.
They both fell into stubborn silence, but Ajax wasn't willing to budge. Eventually, Zandik seemed to realize his answer was inevitable. He carded a hand through his hair, groaning under his breath before finally turning back to Ajax. As soon as their eyes met, his expression softened a bit.
“I don’t care about who else is in there,” Zandik said flatly. “As long as you’re one of them, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.”
He spoke so plainly, it took a few beats for Ajax to process what he just said. Zandik wasn't a very sentimental man, and even now his tone refused to betray anything to the contrary. But there was a subtle warmth to his eyes, the slightest laxness to his furrowed brow, and when Ajax looked at everything all together, he could only see one thing written there—clear, sincere sentiment.
Ajax’s entire face brightened, and with it all his worries began to melt away. “Aww—”
“Stop,” Zandik interrupted curtly. His eyes darted back to the driver’s side window as he promptly pulled the keys out of the ignition. Ajax could see the tips of his ears turning pink. “That’s enough of that. Let’s just go in.”
“You can’t just say something like that and pretend it didn't happen!” Ajax argued lightly. He still wasn't going to let him off that easily. He appreciated the usually closed-off man’s effort to be open, but that was all the more reason not to drag him into an awkward situation without regard for his feelings. “Do you really mean it?”
Zandik sighed as he shoved the car keys in his front pocket. Instead of giving Ajax an answer, he turned towards him, reached out, and took the younger man gently by the chin. Before Ajax had a chance to say anything else, the gap between them was bridged. Lips pressed lightly against his own, slotting into place like two long-lost puzzle pieces that yearned for nothing more than to fit together. Ajax’s eyes fluttered closed, instinctively parting his mouth and letting Zandik go just a bit deeper.
After a moment, Zandik pulled away, looking at Ajax with a very small smile while gently stroking his cheek.
“I do,” Zandik said quietly. He took his hand away and reached for the car door. “Now let’s go.”
That melting feeling persisted, warming Ajax straight through. But it was more than warmth now. It was like a smouldering fire in a familiar hearth, nourishing him right to his core, right to the bone—
Uh oh.
Ajax’s hand suddenly shot out, grabbing Zandik by the sleeve.
“Wait,” Ajax said. Zandik paused, looking back at him with a baffled expression.
“After all that?” he asked. “What are we waiting for now?”
“Wait,” Ajax repeated tersely. He couldn't quite meet Zandik’s eyes, only offering him the barest, desperate glance as he fidgeted in his seat. “Please.”
Ajax’s eyes dropped to his lap. Zandik’s eyes followed suit. After lingering there for a moment, their eyes met again.
“You’re joking,” Zandik said flatly. He sounded exasperated, but a little smirk suddenly turned up his lips. Ajax could feel his face growing red, and he shoved his hands between his legs defensively.
“You– You caught me off guard!” Ajax whined, jutting out his lower lip as he silently willed his excitement to subside. He wouldn't mind it as much if they weren't about to go to dinner with a lot of people who would never let him live it down… How embarrassing. What was he, a teenager? “J—just give me a minute or two before we go in.”
“Mm hm,” Zandik said, tittering behind his hand. At least he finally seemed to be in a good mood now. “Get your head out of the gutter, then. We wouldn't want Peruere to include you in that email.”
“Oh, shut up,” Ajax moped. He couldn't help but laugh, though, looking sheepishly out the car window. “If this was all part of some greater plan of yours, it’s working. Now I do kind of want to cancel…”
“Do you?” Zandik asked in amusement. It wasn't an earnest question, lending to the claim that he hadn't really wanted to back out in the first place. Ajax smiled, feeling even better than before.
“No,” Ajax admitted with a chuckle. “It’ll be nice. We’ll have a good time.”
Zandik hummed pleasantly, graciously keeping his eyes out the front window but reaching over to place a hand on Ajax’s knee.
“We will,” he agreed with a gentle squeeze. “Happy birthday, Ajax.”
Ajax’s eyes drifted over to him appreciatively. With Zandik at his side, he could already tell this would be one of the best ones he’d had in years.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t help but turn his gaze to the hand on his knee, holding onto him just a bit too affectionately for him to stand.
“Please don’t touch me right now.”
Zandik quickly withdrew his hand. “Sorry.”