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Yelena had barely made it through the door of her apartment before she collapsed onto the couch. It still smelled like cleaning solution, but she didn't care. The block of units had just been made ready in a rush for all of them before Avengers Tower could be re-rebuilt and the city wanted to make a good impression by putting the New Avengers up somewhere in the meantime. She'd taken her key, found her room, and could figure out the rest later.
Water. She needed water. But water was in the kitchen and the couch was actually incredibly comfortable. Maybe if she just closed her eyes just for a second…
Her cell phone vibrating woke her with a start, and it clattered off the couch next to her and onto the floor. "Shit," she grumbled as she sat up, then let out another curse when she realized how sore she was. Her head was pounding when she opened her eyes, and out the window, the sun was just going down on the horizon. She'd been out for hours. When she looked down at her phone, she blinked a couple times at the name Yelena hadn't seen in almost three years.
"Kate Bishop?" she said softly, just in case it wasn't Kate after all, but it was. And despite all her pain and soreness, she couldn't help but smile at the familiar voice.
"Yelena. Hi," Kate breathed.
"You sound surprised. You're the one that called me, Kate."
"Yeah. Yeah, I just… didn't know if I should expect it to be you. I didn't know if you still had your number or if the one you texted me from was a burner, but, uh… anyway, I… saw you. On the news." When Yelena stayed silent, she continued. "So… you're an Avenger now, huh?"
Despite herself, Yelena scoffed. "Not by choice."
"Oh. Well… it's still pretty cool. And, um… you know, I still have my mom's penthouse."
Yelena thought as she sat up a little more, but her brain was moving slower than she was used to. Not wanting to look like a bad person, she tried to replay their conversations and what she'd known about Kate. She'd tried to stay away after the incident with Barton, if only for Kate's own good. Then it clicked: Park and 41st. "Let me guess, you're wondering why you don't see me."
"I figured you're not staying there, considering the state of it," Kate mumbled, and Yelena could picture it now: Kate seeing the announcement on the news, rushing to her mom's penthouse from wherever she was staying, and looking out the window in hopes of catching maybe a glimpse of her.
"But you are currently standing at the window and looking, aren't you?"
The other line was silent for a second. "…So what?"
"They got us apartments not too far from the tower. There's…" Yelena took a deep breath, feeling the way her shoulders ached with the movement. It was clear she couldn't avoid Kate Bishop any longer, especially if she was going to be so close on a daily basis. "There's a pretty decent bar in the lobby. I… believe I promised you a drink."
"Wait, you meant that?"
"Did you?"
"…No. Kind of? I mean, I wouldn't have been opposed, but it would have been kind of weird if we'd actually gotten a drink, you know? Considering."
"It would have been, yes. But now… now we're not fighting. So if you want to get a drink, Kate Bishop, we can get a drink. Just let me take a shower first. At the rate I'm moving, give me, like… an hour. I'll text you the address."
Kate laughed, and it made Yelena smile. "See you in an hour, then. I'll bring some ice packs."
It was, in fact, nearly an hour by the time Yelena made her way down to the lobby, but that was partially because she let the hot water run over her shoulders for a solid fifteen minutes before she even thought about bathing because it just felt so good. She really was in no state for meeting someone for a drink. Most missions she'd done were admittedly easier than this, and definitely less emotionally draining than reliving her most shameful moments over and over again.
She did take an extra moment to stare at herself in the mirror before she even got dressed, just to make sure the girl staring back at her wasn't going to move any way that she herself didn't. She even let her eyes run up and down her naked body, something she hadn't done in a long time. Yelena usually couldn't stand looking at herself and the scars and bruises that seemed to constantly litter her skin. Her scars meant she'd survived though, didn't they? She'd lived through every shitty thing that had happened to her. She'd survived those shame rooms. And now here she was.
An Avenger. It was laughable, honestly. People looked up to the Avengers. No one would look up to someone like her. They shouldn't, anyway.
The sight of Kate Bishop sitting at the bar gave her an odd feeling. One she couldn't remember feeling since she was a child. She couldn't put a name to it, but it made her aches not quite so daunting. Even just in jeans and an oversized crewneck, chatting up the bartender, Yelena couldn't help but stare for a couple seconds. She looked… different. Then again, she supposed she probably did, too.
"You're early," she said as she crept up behind Kate, making the other woman jump and nearly spill her drink.
"Jesus, Yelena, don't—" Turning around and making eye contact, Kate's voice seemed to die in her throat, like she couldn't believe she was actually standing there in front of her after all this time. "Hi."
"Hi."
"You, uh… you cut your hair."
"So did you." Sleek and shiny and a little wavy, it just barely brushed the top of her shoulders. "It looks good."
Kate flushed, pink filling her cheeks. "Thanks. So does yours. You wanna, uh…" She gestured to the seat next to her, eyes glancing back down to her drink. "Sorry, I know I agreed to this, but it feels a little… surreal."
Yelena did as Kate asked, taking the seat next to her and ordering her drink. "Why's that?"
"I mean, despite the fact that I'm having a drink with an Avenger?" she smirked. Yelena had no idea what Kate had ordered, but it was bright pink and glittery. "I used to think about this moment a lot. I know that's kind of weird, but I did. Mostly because it was so dumb and I barely even knew what I was saying, you know? Like… I just wanted to be doing anything but fight, and how dumb you probably thought I was for even suggesting something like getting a drink in the middle of a fight. And it was even weirder to me that you agreed."
"Well, I didn't figure another girls' night would be so bad, and maybe I thought a drink would have been a good distraction for you so I could complete my mission." Once she said it, she realized how the conversation was about to turn, and she was grateful for the drink that appeared in front of her because it would make it a little easier if she had enough. Could she just… bill the government for this kind of stuff now?
Kate was quiet for a few seconds, as if debating whether or not she even wanted to ask. Yelena could sense the struggle as she stirred her drink a couple times. "I thought," she began, "I thought for some reason… there was a part of me that thought I'd see you again, Yelena."
It was Yelena's turn to be quiet as she nodded softly. "There was a part of me that wanted to see you, too," she admitted. It felt weird to say aloud, as she tried not to even think about it too much anymore. "But then I thought… well, I knew that I didn't need to be a recurring part of your life. I didn't think you'd want to see me, and… honestly, the last few years have been…" Yelena trailed off, taking a drink in hopes that Kate would understand whatever combination of words she was looking for.
And she did, nodding. "Yeah. Yeah, they have been. I guess if anyone will understand this, it's you, but… being a hero… it kind of sucks sometimes."
Yelena stilled, turning to face Kate again with a tilt of her head. "Things haven't been good for you?"
"I mean, yeah, it's cool to help people and it feels so good to know that maybe someone can count on you when they need help. But then it gets to a point where everyone needs help. And everyone expects you to help them. And we get shit in return. And then Kamala found me and she said she was making a team and she wanted me on it, and I thought that would be cool. That being part of a team would maybe feel a little easier than trying to do everything myself. I even went to California to pick up Cassie—and by the way, if you ever get the chance to go to Disneyland, you totally should—and working with them is so fun and they're so great, but it's like… I'm the oldest one out of all of them and I feel like even they're looking up to me and expecting me to know what to do and most of the time I have no fucking clue what I'm doing, Yelena." Kate finally let out a breath, her head falling forward a little against her chest. "I'm sorry. Clearly I needed to get that out."
Yelena had spent all these years thinking that she wouldn't be good for Kate. She thought she'd just weigh her down and hold her back. That she wouldn't want all of Yelena's trauma and sadness and anger and grief. That somehow, keeping that from Kate would allow her to continue to be happy, because seeing such a good person be so sad broke her heart, too. But it hadn't helped. Life had shit on Kate Bishop anyway.
"Well, I have no idea who any of those people are but if it makes you feel any better, Kate Bishop," Yelena sighed, "I have no clue what the fuck I'm doing, either."
Kate scoffed, lifting her glass to clink the rim of it against Yelena's. "That actually does make me feel a lot better. Thanks. Who decided on the New Avengers name, by the way?"
"Valentina. Bitch. She tricked us. We weren't…" She shook her head. "None of us asked for this. Right after we brought Bob back, she just… ambushed us with the paparazzi and called us the New Avengers like we'd all agreed on that, and now she's pasting all of our faces all over the news and the social media and everything else just so she'll look good while we're stuck trying to figure out what this means for us and there's not a single fucking thing we can do about it."
"Damn," Kate muttered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I thought that you thought it was cool, too. I didn't know if you'd changed your mind about what it all means or if…"
"If what?"
Kate swallowed thickly. "I think… I mean, you guys did save the city, right? From… what the hell even was that? Some kind of… depression monster? It was like… I was suddenly reliving all my worst memories or something."
Yelena swallowed, letting the sadness settle in her heart of even thinking about Kate going through that. She was almost curious enough to ask what Kate saw. "Bob. Well… Valentina called him Sentry, but that's… not him all the time. You know that... void we feel sometimes? Like nothing matters anymore and our past starts to catch up to us? He became a physical manifestation of that state of mind and anyone in his shadow went to that place. We called them shame rooms. It's complicated. But yes, we did technically save the city."
"I think Natasha would be proud of you." Yelena felt her lips press together as tears prickled her eyes, the order for Kate not to talk about her poised on the tip of her tongue. "Not just for being an Avenger or taking the name or whatever, but for helping show people that you don't need superpowers to be a hero. You don't need serums or radiation or abilities. You just need to do a lot of good for a lot of people. Do you know how inspiring that is?"
Yelena's watery smile quivered. "No. I'm not a hero, Kate. A month ago, I wanted to die. I was reckless and stupid and taking on dangerous jobs in the hope that maybe one of them would go wrong and it would all be over. I'm not someone that needs to be inspiring. None of us are good people. Saving a city doesn't feel like much when you can barely save yourself."
"If I've learned anything in the past three years, Yelena, it's that… sometimes in order to do the right thing, you have to do some wrong things. But it helps to not be alone, even if you get annoyed with the rest of your team sometimes."
"I know. I still don't know what my purpose here is, but… working with all of them makes me feel like maybe I'll find it. Like I'm one step closer. Like… I'm more in control. And you know, what I said before is still right. Even the title of Avenger feels so powerful, it's scary. I don't feel like I deserve it. And I don't deserve it, but now I have no choice, and that almost feels worse than having chosen it." Their drinks were just ice, and Yelena watched as a single drop of condensation travelled its way down to the napkin underneath the glass. "Why did you call me, Kate Bishop?"
Kate licked her lips, then sighed. "I just… I don't know, honestly. I was glad to see you were still alive, but… maybe because I felt like… I needed some kind of closure?"
"Like I was a loose thread you never got to tie off?"
"Yeah. Exactly. Which feels weird because I feel like there's nothing more we really had to say to each other, but… I just thought about you so much."
"Did you now?" Yelena smirked.
"Shut up. I may or may not have had a tiny crush on you, okay? Give me a break. Look at you. Not that that's… I mean, you're still… um… anyway, I just wondered what happened to you. If you were okay after your talk with Clint. And… clearly you weren't, so I'm sorry. I guess I should have reached out."
"It wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't have answered. I ran, after that. I went back home to Russia to see my family, but even that… I haven't seen my dad for a year."
"Your dad?"
"Alexei."
"Wait, you get to be on a superhero team with your dad? That's... actually kind of sweet."
"He abandoned me," Yelena said, and Kate's face fell. "We're working on things with us now too, but up until he joined our team, I hadn't seen him for a year and I thought… I just worked and drank and worked some more and drank some more. You didn't need someone like me in your life. I would have been poison."
"So why did you agree to meet me for a drink? You're not… I mean, are you trying to stop drinking and I just fucked it all up?"
"No," Yelena smiled, thankful for Kate's concern. "No, I'm not trying to quit. I'm just trying to do better. I wanted to meet because… I felt like you were a loose end, too. I'm sorry you haven't been doing very well, either."
"Why do you think I chopped all my hair off?" Kate asked with a chuckle, pushing a strand of it behind her ear. "This isn't… this isn't really closure, though… right? Like… you're not gonna ghost me for another three years?"
Despite herself, Yelena smirked. "The New Avengers is missing a Hawkeye."
"As much as I'd love to take the offer, I do have my own team to run, remember? I think they might be lost without me."
"It sounds like they're still lost with you."
"Okay, ow. First of all. Rude. Maybe when you figure out what it is you're doing, you can give me some pointers."
"Yeah. Yeah, same to you." She looked over at Kate once more, realizing they'd had the majority of the conversation with their glasses. Kate's eyes were full of hope, and she couldn't douse that. Besides, even if she wouldn't be good for Kate, maybe Kate would be good for her. Like John and Ava and Alexei and Bob and Bucky. Maybe the universe was calling her to Kate because even now, clearly struggling, Kate felt like a silver lining. "Go get some rest, Kate. We've both had a long day." She had a feeling if she didn't cut their time off, Kate would sit at that bar forever. "I think I need to go back to sleep, too." Kate nodded, reaching to pay for her drink, but Yelena beat her to it with a familiar slap on the wrist. "No, Kate. Please. If Valentina is going to force us to be a team, the first thing she's going to learn is that we can use her credit card to pay for drinks with friends and tip very well." She raised an eyebrow at the bartender, who shrugged in agreement.
"Well, damn, then we should do this more often," Kate teased as she hopped off her barstool and waited for Yelena to do the same.
She'd forgotten how much taller Kate was than her. "We should," she agreed. "I'm sure I'll need to bitch about all of them before too long, especially once we all move in. I hope all the bedrooms are as far away from each other as possible, because my dad snores like a freight train and I don't need him keeping me up."
"Well, I know this is a bit forward of me, but if you ever need a break, I do know a great penthouse on Park and 41st that has way too many bedrooms that may or may not be always set up for guests because it doubles as a really expensive novelty Airbnb."
Yelena raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Wow, Kate Bishop, I never thought capitalism would look so good on you."
"Yeah, well, not having money in New York really sucks, and after my mom got sentenced, it's not like she needed it anymore, so… just give me a call anytime. Honestly. It was really nice seeing you again, Yelena."
"You too."
Yelena thought for a moment that Kate would reach out and hug her, but instead, she stuck out her hand, which Yelena shook with a small laugh.
"Don't be a stranger, okay?" Kate asked as she walked towards the front door. "If you do, I'll just spam you with cat memes until you respond."
"No, please, God, I'll answer the first text. I promise."
"Good. Get some sleep tonight. And for what it's worth, I'm proud of you, too."