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“Madam Herta, today’s mail has arrived.” Puppet Herta no.1983223 held a massive stack of paper that swayed ominously with every mechanical step she took.
Madam Herta in the flesh didn’t deign to look up from the massive tome that had caught her fleeting interest. “I told you to burn all that drivel.”
The tower of mail was set on the ground before it could scatter to the winds. “The other 102,345,032 pieces of mail have been burned as per Madam Herta’s request.” The puppet droned. “The remainder of the mail has been deemed urgent and brought to review.”
A disgruntled groan tore its way past Herta’s lips as she slammed the book shut. “Fine.” She held out a perfectly manicured hand to the puppet, barely glancing at the first piece of mail before flinging it behind her. “Next.”
Each subsequent piece of mail was given a passing look before it was tossed behind her unceremoniously. The large stack of mail dwindled in record time, each envelope mercilessly thrown into the steadily growing pile behind her. By the last piece of mail, Herta had grown increasingly agitated. “There. All sorted. New order: burn everything. I don’t care if it’s ‘important’ or not.” It was so hard being a person of cosmic fame.
The last envelope she had discarded rose out of the pile, a warmly glowing light emanating from it while it floated in front of her desk and landed delicately on the floor. Herta raised an eyebrow, crossing one leg over the other while the puppet behind her worked dutifully to gather the remainder of the trash.
A projection of Screwllum arose from the envelope, a holograph of his poised figure flickering in her office. “Greetings, Madam Herta. Conclusion: you have attempted to throw away the invitation I sent.” Herta let out a sharp laugh. Screwy was certainly obsessed with her! Then again, who wouldn’t be?
“Get on with it.” Herta gesticulated lazily, watching as more puppets entered her office to clean up the mass amount of mail thrown carelessly onto the floor.
“This is a prerecorded message, Madam Herta.” Screwllum’s holograph said pleasantly—almost like he expected her to try and argue with him. Herta scowled at the thought. “You have been invited to a small gathering of fellow geniuses on Planet Screwllum.”
Herta opened her mouth.
“—speculation: you will refuse to come. That is why I am pleased to announce that Genius Society member number 81 will be in attendance as well.”
Herta closed her mouth. “Fascinating…” she murmured to herself. The enigmatic 81st genius Ruan Mei…a notoriously hermetical woman who was almost impossible to reach. Even for someone such as herself. Just how did Screwy manage to get her to agree to a gathering? Either way, her interest had been piqued.
Holograph Screwllum’s mechanical face almost seemed pleased. “Conclusion: Madam Herta will attend the gathering due to Madam Ruan Mei’s appearance. Have a wonderful day.”
The holograph compressed back into the small warm light from before, floating back up from the floor and onto her desk in the form of a butterfly. The woman let out a scoff of disbelief. The impudence of that screw! Still, she supposed she could let it slide this once.
Herta picked up the letter after the butterfly-esque appearance had dissipated into the air, skimming it quickly before snapping her fingers impatiently.
One of the puppets (was it no.26728 or no.82187? It didn’t matter either way) appeared dutifully at her side. “How can I assist you, Madam Herta?”
Herta waved the invitation at the puppet until she took it. “Make room in my schedule for this.”
“…Madam Herta, you don’t have a schedule.”
“Then make one and put this on it!”
Aeons, she had to do everything around here!
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
“No.”
The next puppet shuffled forward, holding out another outfit for Herta to scrutinize. “Absolutely not.”
And the next—
“Hideous. Get rid of that.”
And the next…
“You want me to wear that?”
By the time each puppet had gone through the line 5 times, Herta was thoroughly disappointed in her clothing options. This closet was roughly the size of the space station, so how did she have nothing that would work!?
Herta pinched the bridge of her nose. What was the point in having puppets if they were so useless? Being modeled after her esteemed self, they should have had some modicum of style. She would have to fix that.
The puppets whispered among themselves before Herta held up a hand. They fell silent, ready to follow any order given. At least they were good for something. “Leave. And don’t forget to get rid of those ugly outfits!” She shooed them away, waiting until all of the puppets left the room to let out a huff. “Hmph. No fashion sense whatsoever! Must I do everything?”
Still, Herta summoned her key and sat on it sideways, twirling her finger with an air of boredom. The key started to move slowly, allowing her to examine each piece in the massive closet carefully.
Nothing, nothing, nothing. How dreadful.
Herta waved her finger to make the key speed up, rocketing down the enormous closet in search for something even remotely presentable. In a flash of brilliance, Herta held up her hand to stop the keys movements. It halted quickly but smoothly, allowing the woman to hop off and grab a garment that was nestled firmly between the other clothing surrounding it. It was almost impossible to spot. Almost.
“Perfect.” Herta gave herself a mental pat on the back. Of course, her taste was always impeccable.
The key sped back towards the entrance of the closet with Herta reclining comfortably on top of it. She would be fashionably late, naturally. Then again, no gathering truly began without her esteemed presence.
The woman got dressed with just as much flair as she did everything else. And when she examined herself in the massive floor-to-ceiling length mirror, she smiled in delight at her own genius. She did a little twirl in the mirror, donning her favorite hat as the finishing touch. “A peerless gem, as always.”
Herta summoned her key to her, satisfied with her outfit. With a swish of her wrist, the key carved a mirror out of nothingness. The other side, naturally, was on Planet Screwllum itself.
Why go through all the tedious hassle of space travel when she could simply step through to her location? Besides, Screwy had allowed her access to come and go as she pleased long ago. Not that she needed permission in the first place. Wherever she wanted to go, she went. Screwllum was simply formal about silly things like being able to come whenever. Hah! That was why he would never advance as far as she did! Bleeding hearts (no matter how mechanical) plateaued in the space between ‘morally right’ and ‘morally wrong’.
While her esteemed colleague (even if giving high praise usually made her gag, he was…rather deserving of her compliments admittedly) certainly didn’t lack in capability, he didn’t have the moxie to push the boundaries between ‘good’ and ‘bad’.
Stepping through the mirror, Herta emerged in a rather unfamiliar hall. Honestly though, the decor was so drab and uniform that she could be in any hall of Screwllum’s main manor. The woman turned and—
A young lady bumped right into her, unexpectedly solid in her lean muscles. Herta wheeled back for a moment, floundering for a mere moment before regaining her composure. Not without her ears burning red in her embarrassment, of course.
“Excuse you!” Herta bristled, hiding her shame behind her usual boisterous demeanor. “I’ll accept an apology any day now.”
The woman blinked slowly, almost owlish in nature. She took a moment to process Herta’s words before speaking. “Apologies.” Her voice was melodic in nature, but undeniably flat with the insincere apology.
Herta’s eye twitched uncontrollably. “You can’t even be bothered to try and sound convincing?” She barked out a laugh. “Do you even know who you’re speaking to!?”
A ghost of a smile twitched on the other’s face, fleeting and momentary. “Pardon me, but am I supposed to know you?”
This…insolent woman! This nobody! How dare she!
Herta managed to reel in her temper for the sole reason of not wanting to deal with Screwllum yapping in her ear if she destroyed part of his manor. Oh and she could tell that this other woman was playing dumb. The micro expressions that flitted across her delicate face made it abundantly clear.
“Hah! Your impudence is astounding.” Herta made a mental note to find out who this woman was. The strange sense of familiarity tickled the back of her genius mind, but she couldn’t make sense of it. Surely she would have remembered a face like hers. And needless to say, she had seen a lot of faces.
“Then I must extend my apologies once more. Forgive me for my lack of knowledge.” She dipped her head in a faux-apologetic gesture. “May I ask you to enlighten me with your identity?”
Herta ground her teeth together, calming herself down by mentally listing off all of her brilliant works. After she was satisfied with her excellence, she responded once more. “Who are you?” She avoided the previous question entirely—she was too beautiful to get any wrinkles from seething. “You don’t look like a screw or an intellitron?” Her voice was sharp; suspicious.
The woman in front of her let out a pleasant hum. “Just a passerby.” She answered vaguely. Admittedly, her stoicism was astounding. Herta didn’t give most people the time of day to even deign to talk to them, but even then she was an expert at reading them just as she was an expert at everything else. This woman, however, was enigmatic in her body language.
Herta narrowed her eyes. “Just a passerby?” She repeated, scoffing. “You must think I’m daft.”
“I wouldn’t dare.”
The genius shook her head, fed up with the stranger’s shenanigans. Despite how intriguing the mystery woman was, she had more than enough of her little games.
Herta waved her hand dismissively, turning her back to the other and stalking off in a random direction. Truly, Screwllum’s home was impossible to navigate. Why did he insist on having everything look the exact same!?
“Do you need any guidance?” The woman’s polite voice stopped her in her tracks.
“Hardly. You insult my intelligence once more.”
“That wasn’t my intention, of course.” Herta turned her head to the side to look at the woman’s blank expression. “I merely wished to assist you in any way possible.”
Herta squinted, leaving room for a dramatic pause as if she were actually considering the offer. “No.” She began to walk a little faster this time.
The mystery woman caught up easily for her shorter stature. “You’re going the wrong way.” She stated, perfunctory.
“How do you know?” Was the geniuses snide remark in turn.
“You’re going to see Screwllum, aren’t you? This is the wrong way.”
“I thought you were ‘just a passerby’.” Herta air quoted. Somehow, this stranger had sparked her temper more than she felt in centuries.
The other walked in stride with her now, a gentle yet enigmatic smile curving her soft lips upwards. “I spoke the truth. I’m passing by, meeting an old friend.”
Herta paused for a moment, nearly coming to a full stop. But when the woman turned to look at her expectantly, her feet seemed to move on their own. “And just why were you lingering instead of making your way over to him, Ruan Mei?”
To her credit, Ruan Mei barely batted an eye. “Would you believe me if I said I was waiting for your arrival?”
“Hardly.”
Ruan Mei let out a soft noise that was halfway between a laugh and a sigh. “You can come to your own conclusions then.”
Herta went uncharacteristically silent, walking in step with the other woman. Ruan Mei was notorious for being hard to reach—many didn’t even know her appearance. It was almost hard to believe that such an elegant looking woman irreversibly tampered with the DNA of hundreds of other life forms. Somehow, it made her impossibly more charming.
The two made a stop at a large gray door that was just as boring as the rest of the manor. Ruan Mei pushed open the heavy metal with the utmost ease, blinking calmly at the sight of Screwllum waiting patiently for their arrival.
Screwllum’s mechanical features almost looked amuse by the sour look on Herta’s face. “You have my gratitude for joining me today.” He gestured towards the assortment of food and pastries on the table. “Madam Ruan Mei brought these herself. Conclusion: they were baked especially for this occasion.”
Herta sniffed haughtily, taking a seat beside Screwllum. Though the table had quite a few more seats, they were suspiciously empty. Ruan Mei decided to take a seat next to her instead of one of the other ones.
The nerve on her made a muscle in Herta’s jaw tick. “Yeah, yeah. Skip the pleasantries. I would hardly call a meeting between three people a gathering.”
“I did extend an invitation to the newest Genius Society member, but he declined at a rather impressive speed. Hypothesis: Stephen Lloyd exhibits antisocial tendencies.” Screwllum spoke as evenly as ever. “Please, feel free to partake in the treats Madam Ruan Mei has so graciously provided.”
Herta did not—purely out of spite. “What did you really lure me here to discuss?” She tapped her fingers against the table, already growing bored. Still, her gaze flitted back to the sweets every so often. No matter how much she modified her form, she could never kick the unfortunate sweet tooth.
Ruan Mei raised a delicate eyebrow, eating one of her own treats with refined, practiced movements.
Screwllum let out a noise almost reminiscent of a sigh. “Madam Herta is as forthright as always. I wished to discuss the simulated universe project. Hypothesis: the simulated universe lacks a suitable tester.”
Herta rolled her eyes. “There is no shortage of test subjects, trust me. The fools at the space station would fall to their knees and beg for a chance to test a creation of mine.” A plate of delicacies was pushed towards her; she took one mindlessly.
For once, Screwllum didn’t comment on her dehumanizing speech. “I’m sure many would be honored to test the simulated universe, however…” Ugh. He was always so annoyingly polite. “Hypothesis: the simulated universe requires mental fortitude beyond which ordinary people are able to provide. Conclusion: an exceptional tester would be the most capable.”
“Hah. Easy.” Herta waved her hand lazily. The Astral Express was making a stop at the space station soon—she could simply demand one of them test the simulated universe. If they declined, well, she could always count on Astra to wave her credits around. Without thinking, she took a bite of the proffered sweet.
Herta paused for only a second to look at the culprit. Ruan Mei’s expression revealed nothing, but her eyes sparkled with mirth. Herta chewed a little faster, looking away from the other genius.
The sweets were infuriatingly delicious.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
“Do you remember our first meeting?” Ruan Mei had posed the question on a rather ordinary day. The two were still nestled in the confines of Herta’s massive bed, the woman in question dangling a curio just out of reach of a pouty cat cake.
“Hmph. Naturally. My memory has never been anything less than flawless.”
Ruan Mei let out a soft laugh, reaching out to curl a strand of Herta’s hair around her slim finger. She was the only one in the universe who was allowed to see Herta at her most vulnerable—bed head and eyes still foggy with sleep. Herta had gotten better at reading Ruan Mei as well, the tenderness in her expression abundantly evident.
“You were so adorably angry when I insinuated I didn’t know you.” The other woman kissed the strand of hair in her grasp. “Riled up so easily…” She mused.
Herta’s ears burned red at the teasing words. She dropped the curio unceremoniously, letting the little beast win their game. “Playing coy from the very beginning…you haven’t changed one bit.”
Ruan Mei released the strand, leaning down to gingerly kiss Herta’s forehead. Her gorgeous visage had never gotten old—never failed to make Herta’s traitorously mortal heart stutter.
“Enjoying the view?” The woman teased.
Herta reached up to push Ruan Mei’s face away from her, reveling in the warm laughter she received in turn. “Incorrigible woman.” She grumbled, caressing Ruan Mei’s cool cheek with her fingers despite her words.
Ruan Mei hummed wordlessly, oddly reminiscent of the day they had first met.
In a surge of intense emotion, Herta sat up and reversed their roles. She paused Ruan Mei onto her back, straddling the beautiful woman who looked up at her with nothing but quiet gentleness. “Terrible.”
Herta leaned down to kiss her anyway.