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Shawn wasn't sure why he’d kissed Gus. They’d just been laying on the floor in his room not doing anything particularly exciting. Shawn was usually in motion and he liked exciting things. But sometimes it was nice to just be alone and put on music and stare at the ceiling. Or be with Gus which was practically like being alone because they understood each other in a way that took most of the thinking out of being around another person.
So maybe it was teenage hormones, or wanting to do something he was pretty sure his dad wouldn't like. Maybe it was because laying on the floor, leaning against him, holding his hand felt incredibly right and that seemed like the step after.
Or maybe it was Curt Smith’s voice in the background. He’d been a little bit in love with Curt Smith since forever, as much as you could be with someone you’d never meet. So maybe that made him feel a little bit in love with Gus too.
Gus didn't recoil in horror. Definite positive. He even kissed back a bit. It felt strange. It wasn’t bad. Not at all. But it also didn’t feel quite right. Not like being with Gus did. They fit together perfectly but that didn’t seem to extend to their lips.
They pulled apart. Gus stared at him for a moment and it felt like there was a knot in the middle of Shawn’s chest. “That was… is there something you need to tell me?” Oh fuck. How was he supposed to explain this? He couldn’t quite explain the kiss in the first place and now he needed to explain the rest. How did you say, “I don’t want to kiss you again,” without it sounding like you thought someone was a terrible kisser?
He gulped. “You first.”
Gus laughed. “You kissed me. I think it’s your responsibility.” Trust Gus to always be the logical one. Gus seemed to sense the hesitation. “Fine. It was nice enough. But I don’t think I want to make a habit of it.” Okay, well that solved the kissing problem at least.
“I’m definitely okay with that. I don’t think I really want to either.”
Gus looked at him skeptically. “So this isn’t the part where you tell me you’re in love with me and I have to turn you down because I’m straight?” He must have seen the terrified look on Shawn’s face. That wasn’t surprising. Gus was one of two people who could read him like a book. He hated the other one. But with Gus it was okay. Maybe even good. “I think it would be good to get that over with. I’m not going to be mad.”
Shawn took a breath. "I'm not in love with you. I'm..." He considered for a moment. Usually words just came out before he could finish thinking of them. But this was important. And getting it right was important. "This close to in love with you." He held his thumb and index finger up, a tiny gap between them.
Gus smiled and squeezed his hand. "Sounds about right." The knot in Shawn's chest loosened. "I'm good with being that close to in love with you too."
Shawn could breathe again. "Fantastic. We'll be like Bill and Ted."
"I think I can pass history without a time machine. But I get the idea."
"Yeah. Not the time travel part. The being a duo that no one can come between! The excellent adventures! I wouldn’t say no to causing world peace? But that would only be a side benefit.”
Gus laughed. "And Ted having an overbearing cop dad has nothing to do with the comparison?"
Shawn made a dismissive noise and waved his hand. The one that Gus wasn't holding. "Of course not!" He pursed his lips a little. "Okay, maybe a little bit. But I'd never let Henry send me to military school. I don’t even let him pull that cop stuff anymore.”
"So you really have decided not to be a cop."
"Damn right I have. I don’t ever want to be in a police station for the rest of my life."
"I mean," Gus nudged him with his shoulder. "somehow I feel like you'll be the inside of one sooner or later. Probably in handcuffs though."
Shawn gasped in mock horror. "So mean! Well, if I do get arrested it better be for something super cool."
"So what do you want to do with your life?"
Shawn rolled his eyes. "Gus, you sound like a guidance counselor right now." He grinned. "But isn't it obvious? I want to do something with you. We'll open some sort of crazy business and then we'll live together forever. Even if we also end up with other people."
"Dude, if you ever get married whoever it is better think I'm awesome because it'll be pretty awkward otherwise. I won't be the one leaving."
Shawn grinned. "Well, same to you. Do you think we should also die at the same time?"
Gus just blinked for a moment. "Are you suggesting a suicide pact right now, Shawn?"
"Of course not! I just think I'd be too heartbroken if you went first."
"God, you're morbid sometimes."
Shawn shook his head. "Gus, you truly have no sense of drama. That's why you need me. Your life would be so boring without me."
"And your life would be a complete disaster without me." It didn't sting. Gus had a way of saying things that would hurt if anyone else said them.
Shawn stood and turned up the music. "Well, I think it sounds like we're just perfect for each other. Totally soulmates."
"Totally."
They sang along to 'Shout," dancing wildly. They probably looked ridiculous. Shawn thought if all he ever did for the rest of his life was be ridiculous with Gus that would actually be a pretty good life.