Chapter Text
Wu Suowei knew as soon as Chi Cheng left for the reunion, he was fighting a losing battle. He wasn’t blind. No matter if Wu Suowei was one hundred percent sure he was straight a year ago; he still had eyes.
Looking at Wang Shuo was like looking at a version of himself that Wu Suowei had always wanted to be. Tall, handsome, dyed hair, with cool piercings that he had always been too hesitant to get, and stylish clothes that looked like it cost more than his monthly income. Wang Shuo was in a completely different league than Wu Suowei, closer to Chi Cheng than he could have ever dreamed to be.
More fit for Chi Cheng’s company than he was.
Wu Suowei had always thought he was unrealistic with his choice of partners. With Yueyue, he had known deep down that he would never be able to fulfill the life that she wanted. He would be constantly reminded of their differing classes. Him wearing hand-me-down clothes from his mother, while she wore designer. Yueyue’s friends bragging about their extravagant gifts from their latest boyfriends while Wu Suowei looked helplessly at her clenched jaw-
Because that was always how things worked. He would always be a loser who lived in the countryside.
Except…
Wu Suowei thought Chi Cheng would be different.
It was his first relationship with a man even though they started with a lie. Wu Suowei couldn’t help but fall in love. That’s what it was, love. He was in love with Chi Cheng’s straightforward personality. He was in love with his habit of squinting his left eye whenever he would stare too intensely. He was in love with Chi Cheng’s softness under all that hard outer layer. He was in love with how doting he was to Wu Suowei.
(Wu Suowei wanted to brag about his boyfriend too)
Chi Cheng had reassured him that he wasn’t a loser no matter how inexperienced he was in gay relationships. He looked happy in Wu Suowei’s home, eating the food his mother cooked for them. When they shared a kiss in the new year, Wu Suowei swore he felt a broken part of him become whole again.
But there would always be a dark looming cloud behind every one of their interactions; one borne out of insecurity and possessiveness.
Chi Cheng had acted shifty the moment he saw Guo Chengyu and Wang Shuo’s post. He moved to the other couch (away from Wu Suowei) and was reluctant to tell him anything until probed further.
After Chi Cheng left, part of Wu Suowei wondered if letting him go was a mistake.
Wu Suowei had selfishly taken all of Chi Cheng’s sweet nothings to heart, while the logical part of him cried out and screamed. He held on to his foolish hope even after the clock hit midnight and Chi Cheng was still not back yet. Wu Suowei picked at the fat around his hips that had never seemed to lessen with all the exercises he did while an hour passed by.
Soon two.
(He was trying to hold back his tears as his mind drifted to the soft cashmere pajamas Chi Cheng bought for him)
Then it was three in the morning.
(Wu Suowei couldn’t hold it in anymore and he held Xiao Cubao close to his chest as he openly sobbed)
Light streamed in through the windows as Wu Suowei woke up (on the couch) with Xiao Cubao nuzzling his cheek.
Was Chi Cheng back yet?
(No, but god please be back)
He sat up slowly, the hand not occupied with a snake rubbed at his eyes. Nothing in the penthouse was changed.
(Please, please, please)
He ran to Chi Cheng’s bedroom, praying to every god in existence for him to be there and that this was all a bad dream. Wu Suowei wanted to scream when he didn’t find anything, tears once again welled up in his eyes as he brushed a kiss to Xiao Cubao’s head. He went to his room. The one where Chi Cheng actually slept in and where they spend most of their nights.
(Please- pleasepleaseplease)
Chi Cheng wasn’t home.
He didn’t come back after meeting his ex.
Wang Shuo who occupied his heart even after six years of separation and Wu Suowei, who approached Chi Cheng with a motive. It wasn’t a hard choice to make was it? If he was Chi Cheng even he wouldn’t choose himself.
“Do you think your dad would leave me?” Wu Suowei hiccuped, walking back to Chi Cheng’s bedroom as he looked at Xiao Cubao. There was a tear drop on the tip of his head as more tears trickled down Wu Suowei’s face.
He climbed onto Chi Cheng’s bed, desperately wrapping himself in Chi Cheng’s scent with his blankets.
“If I broke up with him, would you accept Wang Shuo as your dad’s new boyfriend?” Wu Suowei leaned back on the headboard as he looked Xiao Cubao in the eye.
“What am I talking about, I was the replacement. You have probably known him since you were a hatchling right?” He let out a self deprecating laugh and flinched as a sob forced out of his throat.
Xiao Cubao coiled his body tighter around Wu Suowei’s wrist; lifting his head so he would brush his flicking tongue against his cheek. It was as if Xiao Cubao was comforting him.
What a silly notion.
“You have to accept him now Xiao Cubao. Chi Cheng didn’t come back last night. You know what that means right?” Xiao Cubao nudged his cheek. “He probably went back to Wang Shuo.”
A new wave of tears started streaming down Wu Suowei’s face. He clutched the blankets closer and buried his nose in Chi Cheng’s scent. He promised to be back.
Chi Cheng promised.
And he had never broken one made to him before, but Wu Suowei has always been familiar with people breaking promises.
He kissed Xiao Cubao one more time, lingering on the feeling of cold scales against his lips and the smell of his beloved surrounding him. Maybe for the last time.
Wu Suowei wanted Chi Cheng to be happy; even if he wasn’t the one by his side. That meant a clean break up, with no strings left behind for any remaining connections. He was going to tell him about Yueyue and his ulterior motive for becoming his boyfriend. Even if Chi Cheng was going to be heartbroken (he might not even care) he would have Wang Shuo to comfort him.
Someone more worthy of Chi Cheng’s love and affections, someone who he had already been in love with, someone he once had plans to spend the rest of his life with.
Someone who wasn’t a fraud like Wu Suowei.
(The memory of a drunk Chi Cheng yelling at him to leave in favor of Wang Shuo taunts him. The dull pain of his forehead hitting the metal door frame still comes back occasionally.)
Wu Suowei opened his phone to the texts between him and Chi Cheng; the last text being his last ditch effort to see if he was coming back. He dialed Jiang Xiaoshuai’s number and waited for him to pick up.
“Hello, Dawei? Is everything alright? You are usually never awake before 8.” Jiang Xiaoshuai’s concern washed over the speaker.
“Xiaoshuai…” Wu Suowei croaked, not hiding his sobbing from his best friend. Xiao Cubao looked up at him with big beady eyes.
“Suowei! What happened”
“Shifu was right, the return of the first love could overshadow everything else. Chi Cheng didn’t come back from their meeting last night.” He tried to force a laugh but it sounded like the sob it was supposed to be. Wu Suowei slowly got out of the bed, reluctantly removing the blanket from his lap to pack up his stuff.
“Wha- Dawei- do you want me to come over?” Xiaoshuai said, the chiming of his keys suggesting that he was already on his way.
“I- can you bring the box on my table here and help me pack up?”
“I’m on my way.” There was the sound of a beep, and the call disconnected.
He held onto Xiao Cubao like a lifeline.
Only when Wu Suowei started packing did he realize the amount of his belongings he actually had in Chi Cheng’s house. Most of his clothes and possessions were bought for him by Chi Cheng, there was only a small backpack’s worth of items he found that was technically his. But there were marks of Wu Suowei’s presence everywhere. The extra shoes by the door, two toothbrushes in a single cup, the colorful rubber toys with bulging eyes, snacks on the tables that Chi Cheng buys for him because he himself doesn’t snack, and the modified bedroom that held the two of them for so many nights.
It’s okay.
(No- nono please no)
We can both move on and be happier separated, Wu Suowei thought as he furiously wiped his eyes with his sleeve. I love him.
“Xiao Cubao…this might be the last time I see you. Please live a good life and look after your dad for me.” He gave him one last kiss and placed him in the terrarium as tears dripped slowly down the glass on the inside of the tank like rain. Xiao Cubao hissed as he turned around.
Wu Suowei looked around to find paper and pen; then he began to write.
When Jiang Xiaoshuai got to the penthouse with the box, the letter was already done.
He wordlessly pulled Wu Suowei into a tight hug, one hand gently petting his hair as he wailed into Jiang Xiaoshuai’s shoulder. They stood like that for a while until Wu Suowei could speak again.
“Let’s go?” His shifu held out a hand.
Wu Suowei took it and every step away from what he (still) used to call home felt like a stab to his heart.
A piece of paper and a gray box sits innocently on their bed.
-
Chi Cheng,
You have once told me you hated when people lie to you. I am sorry, I lied to you. That day when I brought up Wang Shuo and what he had done to you in the past, I was really talking about myself. I think what I’ve done is worse than what Wang Shuo did.
Remember my ex-girlfriend? She was Yueyue. I approached you to get revenge on you for stealing her away. When she first broke up with me, her new boyfriend was the one who sabotaged me. So, when you became her boyfriend, I thought our meetings were intentional to mess with me on her behalf.
That day when I told you I lied, I didn’t want to use you for your money, it was something else.
I wanted you to fall for me so I could break your heart later and make the two of you break up.
But I didn’t expect to actually fall in love with you. I love you. I’m sorry for playing with your feelings. I’m sorry for breaking your relationship with Yueyue and your family.
In the box is the proof of my relationship with Yueyue.
I don’t think a simple apology would fix us.
A lie this big would lead to a breakup wouldn’t it? (I think I know what you will choose)
Frankly, I think you have already started to move on. Why didn’t you come back? I think I knew the moment you went to meet them, Wang Shuo is still in your heart isn’t he? Although you reassured me that all you cared about was the event that happened that day, you still care for them don’t you?
I hope wherever you stayed last night was warm.
I won’t pretend to know you, I think I've lost that privilege after what I’ve done. I’m a terrible person and I’m sorry if you truly liked me.
I love you, please love me too?
I hope you are happier without me, I will leave all the things you bought for me during our time together in the penthouse. I’m sorry you had to kill Yellow Dragon for a liar. I'm sorry for hurting you.
Please don’t find me, I think you leaving is already a good punishment.
Whoever makes you truly happy in the future will be lucky to have you as their boyfriend. I don’t think I appreciated you enough when you were mine.
Take good care of Xiao Cubao.
Love, Wu Suowei