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It had been a year since Qui-Gon left the Jedi temple for Mandalore with his padawan Obi-Wan. Leaving not only his home behind but also the keeper of his heart. His body tired, in need of rest, and his soul starved of companionship. He wishes only to grasp his love in his arms and never again let go. There was a slight problem with this wish, for the woman he’s thinking of does not know about his heart's feelings yet. Vinia Ro-Sen, the Mistress of Healing at the temple infirmary, has long been a friend of Qui-Gon. They met many years ago and became close throughout their training. Their bond was built on trust and loyalty, supporting each other through their toughest battles. She understood him like no one else, and he liked to believe he knew her just as well.
Their friendship's roots run deep and there was mutual admiration for each other, but love? Of course he loved her, but it's definitely more than a platonic love. It's been more then platonic for many years if he were being honest with himself. The warm sensation inside his chest when she smiled at him or laughed at his horrible jokes. The care she shows for Obi-Wan, who he considers his son. And her passion for healing and helping those in need was what drew his heart from his chest and made him love her deeply. His time spent in company with his young padawan and duchess of Mandalore and seeing their (quite obvious) mutual feelings for one another had him rethink his own love. Thus, he believes that the time has come to finally confess to her and make his love known. He could only hope she felt the same way about him.
However, he knew, better than anyone, that those forms of attachment were forbidden to the jedi. A sacrifice many jedi regret when joining the order. Obi-Wan had to learn of this sacrifice the hard way as he watched the girl shrink away in the distance as their ship left Mandalore. He could sense the heartbreak and sadness radiating off Obi-Wan, who wholeheartedly denies any feelings for Satine Kryze. How could he enforce such a cruel rule on his padawan when he was on his way to confess his own feelings? Well, he knew in his heart that Obi-Wan had a greater role to play. It was still unclear what this role was but Obi-Wan needed to be ready for when it does reveal itself. So, he vowed to prepare him to the best of his ability.
Qui-Gon stared out as the stars flew by, his mind riddled, thinking of ways he could broach the topic of his feelings with Vinia. His hands were fiddling with a wooden hairpin engraved with a constellation, a singular short chain accented with small stars and pearls hung from one end. A gift from Vinia before he left, a "good luck charm" she had called it as she pinned up half of his hair, her hands combing through it to make him look presentable. A ritual from childhood that had transpired many times as they grew older and their hair greyed, however, the hairpin was a new addition. An addition he cherished. A smile formed on his lips as he looked at the pin knowing that he was mere hours away from her.
♧♧♧
Another day, another padawan downed due to a lightsaber incident. Vinia knew she should be thankful for these peaceful days, but she also needed a distraction from the longing in her heart. The padawans and their missing fingers weren't quite up to the task. A year. A year since he left for Mandalore, leaving her here with scarce communication and a heart full of worry. To her this past year has felt more like an eternity. Unfortunately, time will always be her greatest worry when it comes to Qui-Gon. He had made some strange remarks before he left, mentioning the possibility of forming a consciousness that would remain after passing away and that his studies on the subject were going well. What did he mean? Was he dying soon? Was he simply preparing himself for when his time came?
She, of course, knew that to many growing old was a privilege while serving in the jedi order. But, as a Sephi, her concept of growing old was much different than most. If fate smiled on her she could live to see 200, a prospect she wasn’t quite fond of when she knew the man she loved wouldn’t be with her for most of those years. Especially, if he was already thinking about his death. She thought they would have more time, but clearly she had to act fast. She knew of too many who had lost their chance all because they thought they more time. So, she had made up her mind to tell Qui-Gon how she felt as soon as he returned. Knowing the council, they wouldn’t hesitate to put him on the next ship for another assignment.
A sudden tug on her robe brought her back to reality, she looked down to see a youngling, who couldn’t be more then five, standing beside her. She knelt down to the girl’s level and asked her, “Hello, my dear, how can I help you?” The girl’s face was tear-streaked and cheeks bright red, her little uniform dishevelled. Through hiccupped sobs she finally spoke, “I’m sorry, Mistress Vinia, but my tummy really hurts and gets upset when I try to eat something.” She furiously wiped her tears as more sobs racked her tiny body.
“Don’t worry, my dear, we’ll get you something to help your tummy feel happy again and you’ll feel better then ever,” Vinia explained as she took the girl’s hand and led her to one of the open beds in the infirmary. She picked her up and placed her down gently before moving towards one of the medicine cabinets. As Vinia looked for the right one she asked the girl her name. “My name is Silma,” she replied. “Silma? That’s a pretty name. Now, Silma, here’s a plant extract, it doesn’t taste very good, but I promise it will make you feel better, alright?” Silma looked hesitant at first took the spoonful of extract, shuddering as she swallowed. “Well done, that was very brave. Now you can lie down and take a nap while the medicine does its job. I’ll check on you in a little while,” Vinia said as she tucked Silma in and pulled the curtains shut around her bed.
Vinia checked on a few more of her patients. As she finished changing the bandages on one of them she caught a glimpse of herself in a nearby mirror. Small signs of her age were definitely visible, the few grey streaks in her midnight blue hair and the slight wrinkles etched on her light lilac skin. Her once sharp, pointed ears, seemed to droop ever so slightly. Why had she waited so long before telling him? Maybe her fear of rejection or maybe the fear of breaking one of the order’s strictest rules? The latter, most likely. But the fear of what happens to her now seems small in comparison to the years she’d spend regretting what never happened. With her mind set, Vinia needed to wait just a little longer…
♧♧♧
When their ship finally landed on Coruscant in the late afternoon, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan made their way into the Temple. Obi-Wan seemed to lag behind as they walked towards the Council Room to report on their assignment. Qui-Gon stopped walking and turned to him, “Obi-Wan, if I can sense your distress, the Council definitely will.” Obi-Wan straightened, “I’m sorry, Master, I know these feelings are wrong, but how can I just forget about them?” Qui-Gon sighed and placed his hand on his padawan’s shoulder, “All feelings are valid, and I would never expect you to forget about them. Unfortunately, we as jedi cannot afford the price these feelings demand from us. It’s a cruel joke that we must care and protect those in need, but we aren’t allowed to care too deeply. One day, young Obi-Wan, you must judge whether you’d pay that price or not. I know, I have.” Obi-Wan took in the words and nodded. So, they continued on towards the council room.
It was a long report taking almost three hours to relay all that had happened on Mandalore. Every detail had to be mentioned and after awhile even Qui-Gon’s patience wore thin, but he knew that as soon as they were done he would be free to go see Vinia. He could only hope that she wasn’t sent on any assignments, then all his plans would fly out the window. He looked over at Obi-Wan, who was clearly on the verge of nodding off as his head lulled forward, yet Master Yoda kept on with his speech. The sun was slowly disappearing behind the tall buildings of the Capital. Finally, as the final rays went and the city’s light flickered on, they were dismissed. He nudged Obi-Wan awake, giving him a stern look as he pulled himself to his feet with a badly hidden yawn. They bowed before the council and thanked them for the opportunity and left the room.
When they were out of earshot Obi-Wan asked, “Master, may I, please, be excused? I’m quite exhausted. Unless you want me for something else?” Seeing the tired look in his padawan’s face and seeing the perfect opportunity to find Vinia alone, he knew it was his best choice. “Of course, but on the condition that work on your composure in front of the Council. I can’t have my padawan showing that kind of disrespect, not everyone is as forgiving, do you understand?” he asked topping of his request with another stern look. “Yes, Master. I’ll work on it first thing in the morning.” “Good. Now off you go,” Qui-Gon said as he ruffled Obi-Wan’s hair before letting him go. Obi-Wan laughed as he started making his way back to his sleeping quarters in the padawan wing.
Qui-Gon waited until he was out of site before he started making on his own way, not to his room, but to the infirmary. As he walked he could only hope that it wasn’t too late. He wouldn’t want to disturb her, but what he had to say was perhaps a bit more important than sleep. Luckily, for him, her room was also kept close to the infirmary in case of emergencies where she would be needed. As he drew closer the strong smell of cleaning chemicals mixed with potent scent of plant extracts wafted through the air. The usual bright lights of the infirmary were now dimmed to accommodate the patients who were to stay the night. He approached the large entrance, scanning the room, looking for her. He saw that some beds were occupied with their curtains drawn, two droids were cleaning quietly and one nurse checking on a little girl, but no sign of Vinia.
He wanted to slip away before the nurse noticed him, but he was too late as she looked up and met his gaze. She pulled the curtain shut in front of the girl and strode towards him. As she came closer he recognised her as Vinia’s padawan, Ni’daya. She was a sweet girl, a year younger than Obi-Wan, who could talk a little too much when she got excited, but sweet, nonetheless. “Master Qui-Gon! I’m so happy to see you’re back, Mistress Vinia just mentioned that she missed you’re company,” Ni’daya said with a bright smile. “Good evening, Ni’daya, I’m glad to see you as well. Speaking of Mistress Vinia, where is she? I don’t see her.” he asked trying not to sound too desperate.
“Oh, she just left for her room. She’s been working all day and wished to retire, but she’s probably still awake. I can fetch her for you, if you’d like?” He practically jumped in front of her as she tried to go. “No. No, there’s no need, I’ll go and see her myself. Thank you, Ni’daya.” She tilted her head slightly, before replying, “Alright, Master Qui-Gon, if you say so. You know where to find her, goodnight!” He breathed a sigh of relief as she walked away from him. He had to get away quickly. Once again he walked the Temple halls looking for Vinia. He made his way down the healer corridor near the infirmary where her room was located and finally stood in front of the wooden door which stood between him and Vinia. The final obstacle.
He lowered his ear towards the door, hearing soft shuffles on the other side confirming that she was still awake. He took one final deep breath and lifted his fist to knock on the door. He knocked three times and took a step back to give her room. He heard a slight commotion inside and some mumbled words before the lock clicked and the door swung open. There she was in all her beauty; he could scarcely believe it as he took in her. Her dark blue eyes seemed to shimmer in the dim corridor lights, her long blue hair braided down her back with strands framing her face the few grey streaks reminding him of starry rivers in the vast dark of space. Oh, what a fool he had been all these years.
They stood in stunned silence as they looked each other over, taking in every detail. Qui-Gon decided to break the silence, “Good evening, Vinia. You look as beautiful as ever.” “Qui-Gon Jinn. It’s about time you showed your face again It certainly took you long enough,” she said with a slight smirk as she leaned against the doorframe. He let out a soft, deep laugh before replying, “What can I say? I like to be thorough.” She shook her head, before motioning for him to come in.
“Would you like some tea? I’ve just boiled the kettle,” as she pointed towards a kettle standing on a small stove with steam rising from the spout. He nodded taking a seat in her living room still in view from the kitchen. He sank into the into the soft sofa, almost deciding to take a nap right there before had to remind himself why he was there. Vinia prepared two cups, she knew how he liked his tea so there was no need to ask. They have done this many times before, but this time felt different. There was a slight tension in the air, which was uncommon, they were usually very comfortable in each other’s company but was probably because she wasn’t really prepared to see him yet. She still needed a game plan on how she would approach that conversation. That was for another time, now she just focused on making tea and asking him about the assignment. She couldn’t help but stare at him as he told her about the past year, he looked more tired then usual, probably from travelling, but he also looked worried, nervous even. She didn’t know him to get nervous easily, but she didn’t address right away. She wanted to give him just a moment to breathe before bombarding him with her concern.
The tea was finally done steeping, and she carried both cups over to the living room. She placed it down on the small table, steam drifting up over the cups’ edges. Qui-Gon thanked her and lifted his to his mouth, blowing on it slightly before taking a sip. He had never felt so grateful for a simple cup of tea, but somehow it made his tense muscles relax and calmed his nerves. Vinia sat next to him and watched him carefully, still slightly worried. She could feel something was going to change between them tonight, she could only hope for the better. Vinia didn’t want to beat around the bush, she wasn’t that kind of person, so she asked him directly, “Qui-Gon, is there something you want to tell me?”
He nearly choked on his tea. He knew he’d have to talk about it eventually, but he hadn’t quite expected her to ask so directly, although, he wasn’t hiding his nerves that well anyway. Qui-Gon cleared his throat as he placed his cup back down. He turned towards her and met her eyes, what he wasn’t expecting was to see her eyes full of worry. ‘My nerves must be really off-putting if it’s making her worry this much’ he thought to himself before telling himself to focus. He took one of her hands in his, it was soft, but it was clear that it had held a lightsaber before. “I’m glad you brought it up. I’ve been meaning to tell you something for quite some time, but this year away from you solidified it,” Qui-Gon said with his sincerest tone.
“I knew it.” Qui-Gon looked at her shocked, how did she already know? Had he mentioned it before and forgotten? He didn’t reply so she continued, “You’re dying, aren’t you? That’s why you’ve been so worried and secretive. I’m so blind! I’m so sorry, Qui-Gon, you deserve someone who would have realised sooner.” Tears were welling in her eyes at this point and her breath hitched in her throat. Vinia looked at him through blurry vision, he was frowning at her, probably with disappointment. She felt horrible as sobs racked her body, then she heard deep laughter coming from right next to her. Was Qui-Gon laughing? Doesn’t he know how serious this is or is he trying to make her feel better? Either way it made her feel even worse, more tears welling behind her eyes. “You bastard, why are you laughing? I’ve been worried about you since you said those things about your consciousness then you just up and left for entire year never explaining what you meant. You’re terrible,” Vinia manage to say as she tried to pull her hand away from him.
Once she said this Qui-Gon managed to regain his composure enough to speak, “Vinia, my dear, please forgive me. It was never my intention to make you worry, but I see I’ve done so anyway. I’m so sorry, my dear.” He reached out this other hand and started to wipe away her tears with his thumb. She slightly leaned into his touch, “Well, if you aren’t dying, why are you so nervous?” He pulled his hand back and proceeded to push his hair back from his face. She noticed the grey had become more prominent from the last time she saw him.
“This wasn’t how I wanted my confession to be, but here it goes anyway. Vinia, during my time away I witnessed the relationship grow between two people from vastly different backgrounds. It was beautiful and inspiring and got me thinking about our relationship. We’ve been friends for so long and have been through so much together, we have a true bond based on trust and loyalty. I thought about that bond quite a lot recently and I realised I have to add a third value to it,” Qui-Gon explained. Vinia remained quiet, she had a feeling she knew what he would say but gave him the chance to finish.
He took another deep breath, “The value I want to add is… love. Vinia, with my heart and soul, I love you.” Vinia’s chest tightened, the words finding their way to her heart where they engraved themselves, never to be forgotten. She reached out and placed her hand on his cheek as she replied, “I love you too, my dear Qui-Gon. And I always have.” Slowly they leaned towards each other as their lips finally met. Soft and gentle. There was no rush, they had time. He pulled her closer to him and she complied; she ran her fingers through is hair before putting her arms around his neck. Both of them pulled back slightly as they looked at one another. Silents laughs escaped their mouths as they pressed their foreheads together, happy to be together once more.