Chapter Text
The rocks crumbling around them filled Kakashi’s ears as he heard Rin’s cries and Obito’s heavy breathing. Rin wouldn’t let go of Obito’s hand. She didn’t want to leave her best friend, condemn him to his death. Kakashi knew that Obito couldn’t see with his sharingan in Kakashi’s eye, but Obito still managed the tiniest smile in Rin’s general direction.
“Kakashi…” he called out weakly. “Take Rin… keep her safe.”
“Rin!” Kakashi called, with a sense of urgency in both his eyes and voice. Obito knew that meant that he would keep her safe. Starting now by getting her out of here.
When Kakashi was finally able to pull Rin out of the cave, she refused to let go of the white-haired boy’s hand all the way back to Konoha.
***
Lying in the hospital bed with his best friend’s eye in his socket definitely would not be the highlight of Kakashi’s life. Rin insisted he should go to the hospital as soon as they returned to the village. Kakashi was completely ready to just trust Rin’s skills, but she forced him to go. Resulting in the Hatake being kept here for days. Apparently for “observation” to make sure the eye didn’t reject. He just wanted to leave already, but at least the bandage wrapped around his head and his sharingan was keeping him from losing chakra.
Didn’t mean that Kakashi had to like it.
Rin had tried to assure him that everything being done was in his best interest, but he sent Rin home hours ago. She still tries to come every day, but Kakashi knows she needs time to grieve. He knows what she’s trying to do. Distract herself. She doesn’t want to accept that Obito is really gone. Obito was her best friend. Kakashi’s not stupid, he knows that the second he kicks Rin out of here she’s running around the hospital helping with her startling intelligence and little knowledge of medical ninjutsu.
Minato-sensei had been by, but Kakashi couldn’t even bring himself to look the man in the eyes. He had failed him. Failed as a leader. Obito was dead; gone. And it was all Kakashi’s fault. Even when Minato tried to get him to talk or even just look at him Kakashi wouldn’t budge. Just like Rin, Minato had been in here every day and sometimes he would bring Kushina along. Kakashi always refused to look at him and Kushina reminded him too much of Obito to even look at her at the moment either.
All in all the only person Kakashi would really talk to was Rin and that was only to tell her to go home and process everything or stop working herself to death. Rin would claim she was taking care of herself. Kakashi knew she was telling the truth. She cared too much about Obito and his final wishes of her being kept safe to put herself in any kind of danger. It wasn’t something that Rin would risk, and Kakashi knew it. Still, every day she tried to get him to talk to her. About Obito, about why he won’t see Minato or Kushina, about anything really. And everyday he would tell her to go home and process.
Of course she never listened. What else did he expect? There was obviously a reason Obito and Rin got along so well. Other than the obvious one.
The days got easier the longer he was in the hospital. He had more time to mull over Obito’s death, replay it in his head a million times. He thought of every single thing that could have happened and everything he could have done to prevent what happened to the bright Uchiha. He could have been paying more attention to Rin. He could have got with Obito after her immediately. He could have dodged whatever rock fell on his head. He could have… there were so many possibilities.
He could have never been assigned to Minato’s team.
If only.
Even if that wouldn’t have prevented Obito’s death, at least it would have been easier in the long run. He wouldn’t have to watch Rin grieve the most important person in her life. He wouldn’t have had to watch Minato and Kushina’s sad expression when they heard the news. He wouldn’t be bombarded by people trying to comfort him every day. He wouldn’t have to live with the knowledge Obito was gone.
And Rin loved him.
Suddenly he wished for Kushina’s loud energy or Minato’s calming presence. At least that way he wouldn’t have to think about all of this. It wouldn’t bother him every day.
Speak of the devil.
A bright blonde head of hair appeared right in front of his eyes. Kakashi forced his own eyes shut so he wouldn’t have to look at Minato. He knew that MInato’s eyebrows were pulling together in the middle as he let out a long sigh and stood. He paced, his steps making small sounds on the ground of the hospital. When the footsteps finally stopped Kakashi knew Minato was staring at him. He could feel the piercing gaze of his sensei on his figure. And then there was a hand on the top of his head and Minato's voice was right next to him.
“You don’t have to carry this alone. What happened was not your fault, Kakashi. I know you think that I’m mad or disappointed in you, but I came here to say neither of those things are true.” Minato's voice was full of finality. “You are smart, and skilled, but you need to realize that those aren’t the only important things. Kakashi, you have people here who care about you. You have me, Kushina and Rin. She’s worried, Kakashi. Rin is worried about you.
“And I know that this is hard for you, but you need to know there is so much out there for you. We’re waiting for you to be ready. There’s no time limit for your grief. So feel it. Feel it for the rest of your life if that will make you feel better. But please, please, Kakashi. Feel it with others. Kushina, Rin and I all understand how you’re feeling right now. I promise you, no matter what, you are never alone in this.”
Minato’s hand left his hair and his footsteps echoed until he was at the door. Kakashi could tell he had more he wanted to say, but didn’t. He would save that for another rainy day. A rainy day he knew Kakashi was likely to have. Rainy days he had after his father died. Rainy days that only Minato was there for. He understood Kakashi more than anyone else had at that moment. Kakashi knew he would always be there. Minato’s words were not empty. They had never been empty.
They hadn’t been empty when Kakashi was six years old and trying to process his father’s death. They hadn’t been empty when Kakashi was visibly exhausted because every time he closed his eyes all he saw was his father’s dead body. They hadn’t been empty whenever Minato could tell something Obito had done had really gotten on Kakashi’s very delicate nerves. They hadn’t been empty when Kakashi was having trouble visiting his father’s grave because it brought back the nightmares.
There was no doubt in Kakashi’s mind that he could go to Minato at any point in time and Minato would welcome him in and already have tea and thirteen pounds of blankets and support items. Minato had never failed in being his sensei when it came to teaching him jutsu and training him, so he had no doubt he would never fail in the emotional department either. It was Kakashi that was failing in that department. It was Kakashi who was struggling to open up and trust Minato with his feelings. It had been so long since he had last really opened up to someone. Anyone other than his father, actually. Maybe that is where it stemmed from.
All he knows is that Minato is always there. He’s standing in front of a closed door right now just in case maybe Kakashi has something he wants to say. He’s waiting. Really, actively waiting. It was somehow terrifying and kept Kakashi calm at the same time.
Kakashi slowly lifted his head, turning towards Minato who was looking at him with one of the softest expressions Kakashi had ever seen on his face. “Sensei… I…” Kakashi couldn’t finish his sentence, his voice was already breaking.
“I know.” was Minato’s answer. Because he did. He really did know. That was what he had been trying to get Kakashi to see for years.
Because Minato saw him through it all. He had known Sakumo well when he was still alive, which obviously meant he knew the small kid that clung to his father’s legs. Kakashi didn’t have many memories of Minato before his father’s death, but he vaguely remembered his face that day when Minato found him sitting in a pool of his father’s blood. He recognized his eyes as he helped Kakashi wash all of the blood out of his hair and spoke softly to him as if he was an injured animal. And perhaps he was. All Kakashi knew was that a blonde bundle of nerves was helping him after his father’s death. He cleaned the blood and put the rug over the place where it was stained so Kakashi would never have to look at it. He treated him like the chunin he was regardless of the fact that he was seven years old. He never once looked down on Kakashi because of his age, and that was always something that Kakashi had appreciated most about Minato.
When Kakashi needed a distraction from everything happening, Minato took him for food and allowed him to vent all his frustrations about Obito. He didn’t scold Kakashi for not getting along with Obito. In fact, he laughed at the clever remarks Kakashi came up with. He played along when Kakashi began listing all Obito’s negative qualities in alphabetical order.
He easily became Kakashi’s biggest supporter. Minato fell easily into the role of Kakashi’s new father-figure after his real father had passed. He respected Kakashi’s “no” and his boundaries and never tried to push. He knew everyone worked at their own speeds and he let Kakashi be skeptical and inspect him on their first day working together. Although it was hilarious to watch a six year old kid huff and glare at a nineteen year old who was definitely almost four feet taller than him considering Kakashi had always been small for his age (resulting in Obito’s daily poke at his height).
He was lucky to have Minato.
Rin was his next visitor.
She tried to pretend like she hadn’t been crying, but he could see the tear tracks down her cheeks and her eyes and nose were still red. Her voice was a little shaky along with her hands and Kakashi sighed. He didn’t want to play into Rin’s hands, but he had to try to get her to just go home already.
“And everyone is doing great. The lady in room 113 is walking again and the boy who had that severe pneumonia I told you about? He’s eating well and even seems to be getting better! I’ve been helping out as much as I can, usually just helping file things away or making or taking phone calls. Either way it’s been a lot of fun and I might even keep doing it once you get discharged. Which by the way–”
“Rin.” Kakashi cut her off. “Would you just go home and grieve?”
Her breath hitched and she tried to play off a fake smile. “What do you mean Kakashi I’m fine.”
“He’s not coming back.”
“I’m helping out and helping people get better. Now, about you being discharged. I’ve been talking to your doctors and your eye hasn’t been acting funny so you should be able to leave really soon! Of course if you experience any weird feelings you–”
“Rin, he’s isn’t–”
“I know!” She yelled. Her voice broke at the last second. Tears started falling down her cheeks. “I know he’s not and there’s nothing I can do, Kakashi! I couldn’t even help my best friend when he needed me, do you know how bad that hurts!?” She stopped to let out a sob. “I’ve been taking care of him our whole lives. I gave him his headband when he was late to the ceremony, I was the main reason he wasn’t late to school every damn day, I was the one making sure he practiced his jutsu’s even when he didn’t want to! And now there’s nothing for me to do. Nothing!” She stopped and sobbed into her hands. Her shoulders were shaking and more tears just kept coming, some of them dripping through her fingers onto the floor.
Kakashi watched her as sobs raked through her body. She shouldn’t be here right now, but she was being stubborn and refused to just go home like everyone knew she needed to. Kakashi couldn’t exactly force her to, but her sobs and his guilt still rang through his head and chest and suddenly he felt tears pricking his own eyes.
“Rin it wasn’t your fault.” Kakashi reasoned.
She laughed. Actually laughed. “Of course it was. If I hadn’t been weak and gotten kidnapped this wouldn’t have happened!” Oh, so she was just crazy. “If I had been able to help myself he wouldn’t have had to come after me and he wouldn’t have been in that cave. Neither of you would have been. Obito would still be alive and you wouldn’t have lost an eye!” Her sobbing only increased to the point she must not be able to breathe. “I care about you both so much and now Obito’s gone I don’t know what to do.”
Kakashi watched her continue to sob before reaching out. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t bring Obito back and he couldn’t take his place. He rested his hand gently on top of Rin’s head just like Minato had done to him not an hour ago.
“Talk to sensei.” was all Kakashi could manage to choke out.
Somehow that made it worse. She bawled, leaning on the side of Kakashi’s bed trying to keep herself upright. Every second that ticked past was excruciating as more and more tears continued to flow down her cheeks that became more and more flushed by the second. Kakashi didn’t know how to help her. He never completely knew the extent of their relationship, but he had an idea of how much Obito meant to Rin. He knows that she needs him.
He saw it every day. In the way Obito would turn bright red when he saw Rin and the way that Rin giggled and her expression was so fond when he was around. In the way they did everything together and always got dango together. He knew that he could never give Rin what Obito could, and he wasn’t going to ever dream of being able to replace him. After all, Kakashi had always felt sick around Rin. He can’t ever even think about being as important to Rin as Obito was. Is. Is. Still is. Even now, when he’s gone, Obito still means everything to her.
That will never change.
Kakashi didn’t have a bond like that. Him and Gai had been close in a way since they were kids, but he can’t imagine not being able to live without him. It would hurt like hell but he knew he could do it. Rin though… She can’t do this without Obito. She will. She’ll live on because she knows that’s what Obito wants, but no one will ever replace Obito in that special place in her heart.
No matter how much they wish they could.
Instead he said what he knew would help. “He wants you to keep going. He would want you to grieve him and let yourself feel this. He wouldn’t agree with you bottling it up.”
The pained scream that Rin let out at that moment was the worst few seconds of Kakashi’s life. He didn’t know how to help her and his throat became itchy. He could feel the tears in his nose and the sting against his eyes. His hands began to shake as he balled them into fists. He tried to will them to stop but no matter what he tried nothing worked.
Nothing will work because he’d never heard Rin sound like that. Even when Obito was actively dying in front of her she never sounded like this. Because then she was holding onto hope that he could be saved. Now it’s settled that he’s gone.
His voice sounded like gravel. “I’m sorry.”