Work Text:
The soul of the man I grew to love lives here. In this sword. He gave himself up in the end. He saved us. He made me feel alive when he was here. Now that he’s gone. Inside this sword is my hero. A future was stolen from me by the embodiment of greed and manipulation himself. I summoned the sword and dispelled it repeatedly. Its glow is warm on my skin. It was different now. It felt attached to me now. No longer the normal solo purple tint. It glowed with a purple and blue hue now.
We did it. We sealed the Honmoon. But I lost so much of myself that I didn’t even know was there until I met him. Meeting him was like learning to breathe again. I felt less ashamed of who I was. I once thought he was every horrible and monstrous side of me, but he proved that he was more. That I could be more. Who I am shouldn’t be hidden. And he was right. My friends, they know now. They see my patterns and embrace them. Now, at least. They understand now why I hid them. Why I hid me. Kept my distance when all I wanted was to join them. To throw myself atop them on the couch, ramen cup in hand and watch movies all day in our pajamas.
Now we're taking a break. We’re relearning each other and what it means to be in this band together. It won’t be easy. It wasn’t easy. We grew up being taught that monsters were bad and vile creatures to be eliminated. I grew up believing that about a part of myself I never wanted to acknowledge. There’s a nudge and I feel the fluffy fur of my cat rubbing themself against my foot. The knock on my door almost goes unnoticed as I watch my cat flop around on the ground. Playing with various shoes, socks, bags, and notebooks that I’ve let litter my floor the past few days.
The door is pushed open and I fall back on my bed to see who’s entering. Mira and Zoey. My rocks in hoodies holding ramen cups and ice cream. An interesting combination, but I motion for them to crawl in my bed and lay with me. Together we post up at the head of my bed, breaking out additional hidden snacks that I hid under my bed. I throw on a movie for us to ignore and chat to. I’ve not experienced this kind of bonding with them ever. I’ve missed out on so much. I clutch at my chest as the tears threaten to break free. Arms wrap around me quickly. The tight squeeze of their embrace causes me to melt into them. Off to the races as the tears rush out. I heave and sob into Mira’s arms, while Zoey rubs my back. The two of them now threatening to break out into tears. We won. So why doesn’t it feel like we did?
“We should take a real break this time. Before we start working on the next album.” Zoey scooched towards us. She mumbled into her hoodie while fiddling with the empty wrappers. Tossing them one by one off the bed.
“Yeah,” Mira’s head rested against my own, our faces still damp with tears, “maybe we head out of the city. Do a full spa treatment?”
I nodded. My voice is gone. Not literally, but I feel like enough. I don’t have enough bandwidth to deal with every emotion boiling inside me. A break seems good. It would be good. I shot off a quick text to Bobby asking him to book us some time at a spa out of the city. In no time at all, he responded:
Already done! Be at the airport in 4 hours :) You did great tonight girls!
I send back a heart and let a small smile slip out. Another tear silently rolled its way down my cheek. “Let’s pack. Bobby’s got us all set up.” It came out more hoarse than I was expecting. The other girls' faces were still wet from tears. Zoey held my hand in her own. They were clammy, and she was tracing the pathway of my patterns with a finger. A heat rose in my chest and a knot in my throat. I clenched my fists and pulled away climbing out of the bed. Jumping up and down I reeled back and let out a yell. It helps. Movement helps. Yelling helped. Good. This is good. Things are good. We’re going on vacation. I pull my go bag out from under my bed and throw a couple more things in as well. Choo choo trains and teddy bears, another smile slipped as I shoved them into the bag. Mira and Zoey watched on in awe. The energy shift is apparent. It was Mira who rose from the bed next. She, too, reeled back and let out a yell, her arms shooting forward in a punching motion. She heaved. Zoey was next, but instead of getting up she yelled from the bed rolling around and flailing her limbs. Huh. It reminds me of a tantrum. That’s what we’re doing. We’re having a tantrum. We need to get it out somehow though.
_____
The flight is short. The Huntr/x jet arrived late in the night from when we left. It’s about ten at night when we step into the cool air of the countryside. I take a deep breath. The air is so clean here. So clean. Peaceful. The crickets sing in the distance. Wind rustles the leaves in the distance. The few lights from the town a few blocks away welcome us in. It’s homey. It reminds me of where we were trained. A small, warm, and soft hand lands on my shoulder. I look at Zoey's soft face. She smiles at me and walks down the steps. Bobby had trailed ahead and is rambling on about how relaxing our stay is going to be. How he booked out a whole section of the spa so we wouldn’t have to worry about fans. He really is the best manager.
Wait.
A WHOLE SECTION OF THE SPA! Mira caught my wide eyes and just shook her head, “We need this.” The night is a blur. We check in, sit in the bath together mumbling about random things. Doing our best to avoid everything that just happened. To not talk about it. It’s a ticking time bomb waiting to go off around us. What should we do? What happens next? We entered our hotel suite. This section apparently has 5 suites in it. One room for each of us plus an extra. Bobby had already retired to his room. Mira, Zoey, and I all enter a room. One room. I don’t want to be apart. Zoey hasn’t let go of me and Mira for a while. She keeps switching back and forth. Grabbing my hand, Mira’s arm, my arm, sometimes holding us both at once. She just wants to be close. We can do that now. I can do that now. They know and they’re okay with it.
We tossed out things on the floor. There's dinner waiting, still warm on the kitchen island. We peel open the bags. Room service had dropped off ramen, dumplings, mixed vegetables, rice, and even cookies, chips. It was an array of foods. It almost seems like too much. Even so, we dig in. We eat in silence. Mira scrolls her phone. Zoey writes in her notebook before setting it down and looking at us. To me.
“Are you okay Rumi?” Zoey broke their fragile silence, “It looked,” She stole a gaze to Mira, “It looked like you and Jinu made a connection at the end there.” She whispered.
My chopsticks snap. I grab new ones. “I’m fine.”
Why is my chest so tight?
“It’s okay if you’re not.” Zoey starts again.
“I SAID I’M FINE!” I shout. My chest burns. It's boiling. It feels tight. Pressure builds behind my eyes.
“Hey, we’re on your side, you don’t need to snap at her like that.” Mira stands up. Her voice is calm but stern.
“On my side!” I scoff, “You pointed your weapons at me. You treated me like every other demon. Like I was evil! All the history we had! Every moment and experience was gone. I was just a demon to you!” My hand flew over my mouth. I swallowed. I can take it back. It’s fine. Everything is fine. We’ll be okay. It’ll be good.
The girls look at me in silence. Tears stream. “We’re so sorry Rumi!” Zoey sobbed. Her food fell to the floor. “We just, I don’t. I was scared.”
“So was I!” I drop to my knees. The fire won’t go away. My chest burns so much. The tears won’t stop. I feel a force collide into my side. Arms wrap around my form. I feel a wetness on my shoulder. Black hair collides with my own. “I was terrified! I had no one! Jinu pushed me away! You guys wanted to kill me! I’m not human. Or a hunter. I’m a demon too! I just… I needed…”
Mira kneels down in front of me. She places her hand over mine and meets my gaze, “We’re so sorry. We were scared. It’s not an excuse for how we treated you. But we want to make it up to you. You were alone and we left you. I left you. You never left me when I was feeling bad about my family. I shouldn’t have done it to you.”
“We weren’t ready to believe that demons weren’t all bad. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t take a liking to one of the Saja Boys. I just. Wasn’t ready to… Cause what if…” Zoey’s words trail off.
“What if I was lying to you! Playing a long con! What if I stole your souls! After all these years! I can’t believe you would think that. You guys didn’t even stop to question it!” I spin around and sob more. Zoey’s thrown off of me. I can’t stop myself. The words came out like vomit. I don’t even blame them. I don’t. How can I make this okay? We’ll be okay right? Everything will be good?
“You’re right. We reacted and didn’t listen. We didn’t let you explain. We weren't good friends. Our fear got the better of us.” Zoey mumbles into her arms. She’s curled in on herself. There are tears rushing down her face. Pain. So much pain in her eyes. She’s shaking. Zoey I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you. I just…
“I think what Zoey means is… What if all this time we were killing innocent demons? What if they were just trying to be free?” Mira finishes for her.
Free? Jinu just wanted to be free. He freed me instead. Freed me from myself. My chains. I take a deep breath. The fire in my chest lessens. My body grows heavy and tired. The tenseness is long gone. Like it never happened.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t blame you. I’m not even mad at you. I just… I was scared of myself for so long. Then Jinu found out, he convinced me that maybe… maybe I’m not a monster.” I lament. It's not their fault. They were taught all the same things I was. I even agreed with them for most of my life. If I was in their shoes I probably would have done the same thing. It still hurts though.
“I just… Jinu was good. There was good in him, and he gave me his soul. He should have been able to live. To stay here and… and try to live a life. He was robbed of that. They all were. I just wish there was something we could do.” The words tumble out. “I just don’t know how”.
“Me too.”
“Yeah. ” Zoey and Mira agreed.
____
Bobby leaned against the outer door. Demons and hunters. It all clicked. Most of it clicked. Okay some of it clicked. He had only come to check on them. Make sure they were okay. They were never that quiet on the plane. He knew something had happened. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Who wouldn’t though after hearing that all these supernatural things were real. Weird things happened at that concert. He wasn’t fully himself that night and didn’t remember much but he knew enough to know that the girls were more than just idols. I mean their lyrics almost advertise it. It explains why no one’s seen the Saja Boys since. Bobby nodded to himself. Well, it’s none of his business. And if they ever decide to loop him in, he silently resolved to be there for them. Like he always was. Like he always will be.