Chapter Text
Tenzou really, really had to pee.
The fact was slightly embarrassing, if only because he was presently waiting outside the Sandaime Hokage's office for an eleven o'clock appointment.
The cute lobby assistant kept looking at him from under her half-moon glasses and he wasn't sure if she liked what she saw or if she was worried as to why he kept trying to discreetly re-adjust himself. Keyword: discreetly. And, since her eyes kept dropping to the seam of his pants, he had a feeling being a chuunin didn't automatically award magical penis-adjusting powers.
The urge to be on time overcame his urge to use the bathroom, however, though he had to admit it was a close tie. His pride (but mostly the bewildered stare from the assistant) kept him glued to the floor. He tried not to bounce on the balls of his feet and sent a quick prayer to his ancestors so that the Hokage would finish the meeting that preceded his soon. The sooner he heard the verdict, the sooner he would be able to go about his business. His stomach twisted nervously at the thought.
"You can come in now," the muffled voice of the Sandaime drifted through the massive oak doors of his office.
Despite the order, Tenzou looked questioningly to the assistant.
With a roll of her eyes, she shooed him on with a manicured hand.
He opened the doors and stepped inside the Hokage's office. The door clicked closed behind him. An ominous chill ran through him then and he gulped.
The Sandaime sat behind a large desk. A clerical chuunin was filing papers off to his left. Tenzou recognized the other ninja as another who had been promoted in rank the same cycle as his own. Reiko acknowledged him with a curt nod, but was otherwise focused on his duties.
If Tenzou had imagined the Hokage's workspace, it wouldn't have been what greeted him: folders, books, and loose-leafed papers covering almost every inch of space. Scrolls, some open, others still sealed, were strewn about; surely there was an organizational system to be had, but for the life of him, Tenzou wasn't able to discern what it was. Still, it passed the time as he stood in wait.
Several minutes ticked by before the Sandaime cocked his hand to beckon Tenzou closer, his eyes still searching the papers in front of him.
Squaring his shoulders, he walked forward and stood tall -- and professionally still -- just as he would for any other inspection. He had completed the rigorous ANBU application process the day before. For months, he had secretly worked on his package, compiling references, evaluations, and datasheets. No formal or written guidance had ever been published (that Tenzou had found, in any case) on exactly what ANBU looked for in their selectees, and so he'd thrown everything he had thought remotely impressive into the resume.
A week later, he had received notice to present himself in front of an evaluation board. The board itself had comprised of a psychologist, an interrogator and three other ninja who had remained masked and, strangely enough, asked absolutely no questions throughout the ordeal.
Tenzou had found it odd that he had been the one being tested for mental defects. The psychologist had held up inkblots that looked an awful lot like men on skewers, spewing out fountains of blood from their innards. And that interrogator — Ibiki? — something must have been screwed very loose in his head. Casting stones in glass houses and all of that...
Regardless, two weeks after the evaluation board, another notice had made its way to his kitchen table. How it had gotten there, he'd been none the wiser.
The notice had ordered Tenzou to present himself at the Black Forest that evening, which had left him no time to prepare for what he knew was sure to be a test of every skill he had learned. True to form, he had been thrown into the forest without as much as a "good luck, don't die". He had escaped a week later, a few pounds lighter and with a fierce hatred of jumping tree leeches. A masked ANBU member had met him outside the gates where he had found freedom and had handed him another notice. It had been a standard appointment slip.
The Sandaime coughed behind his fist.
The gravelly sound snapped Tenzou out of his daydream, reminding him once again of the increasing pressure in his abdomen. He clasped his hands behind his back and chewed on the inside of his cheek.
"I apologize for having you wait outside for so long."
Tenzou bowed his head. "It was no trouble at all, Hokage-sama." His bladder had to argue that that was a big lie.
"Before I give you the results I am sure you are dying to hear... the director at HQ gave me your application after I had already gotten my hands on a copy. He told me it was the most thorough application he had seen in all his years at that post. A very decent compliment," the Sandaime said. "You were promoted two years ago to chuunin… the same year as my Reiko over here. I am surprised your sensei never put you up for jounin. I personally think you have done a spectacular job in the exams. I suppose, what I mean to say, is that have heard only exceptional reviews on your performance..."
Tenzou could have kissed whoever said those beautiful, wonderful things. "Thank you," he said, trying to keep the elation in his voice toned down.
"Of course," the Hokage said, sounding more troubled now. "I can't lie to you, Tenzou… your application was almost turned down."
A tight knot formed in his stomach. Had he dodged giant jumping tree leeches for nothing then?
"However," the Sandaime continued after a pause that Tenzou highly suspected was for dramatic effect only, "as the Hokage, I do have some measurable pull."
Tenzou perked up. A thread of hope returned to him.
Sandaime smiled. "I trust in your unwavering loyalty. After some more… consideration… the council has accepted your application. You will become a member of ANBU under a probationary period that will last until your captain has given you fit for full duty status. You have already been assigned to a squad. Once my signature is on this paper--" he held an official-looking parchment up "--you can only be released or accepted by recommendation of your direct superior. Are you sure you are ready?"
Glorious relief washed over Tenzou. All he could say was: "Yes, sir."
"Thank goodness. I almost thought I'd have to go through all the legal details with you. No one likes legal documents -- just like no one likes lawyers, ha ha! Besides, I detest those cookie-cutter dialogue scripts I'm required to do. I might have to lecture whoever came up with it…" The Sandaime thumped his seal to several more official-looking documents.
Tenzou didn't bother telling the Sandaime that it was the Sandaime himself who signed the paperwork for said standard dialogue.
"As I said, you have been assigned to a squad. You may be familiar with the reputation of the men and women you will soon work with. My advice to you is to remember one thing: you all sharpen your kunai the same way. You will meet up with them tomorrow for a mission briefing. My assistant should have it booked."
"Understood." Only one question weighed on his mind still. "Hokage-sama… this probationary period. Is there another test to pass?" Something he can prepare for, or read, or anything to help him get a leg up.
Sandaime smiled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "I'm afraid I cannot say -- even I'm not privy to all things ANBU. I never applied to that particular branch."
Tenzou lowered his eyes. He hadn't expected the Sandaime to give him all the answers, of course, and now a small, stormy cloud was already starting to form over his otherwise sunny disposition. He didn't like the sound of this probationary period very much. ANBU were known to be the most insane and deranged ninja Konoha could produce. It was practically a requirement to have gone through some seriously debilitating childhood trauma.
He knew he would fit right in after hearing the selling points during the Academy's Ninja Career Day, but--
"Someone will run by your apartment and drop off paperwork you need to fill out." The Sandaime paused. "And remember: the fact that you are even in ANBU is highly classified. Unless you have something for me, that will be all."
Tenzou knew that was his cue to leave, but he was still rooted in place. He already felt extremely rude, asking the Hokage a series of questions, but he had to know. He had to know how he did on his evaluation. He was a fantastic ninja, of course, but he knew it would make him feel better to have a little slip of paper that reassured him of the truth.
"If you don't mind me asking, sir…"
"You want to know your exam results, hm? Everyone does, Tenzou."
He flushed. "Yes. How did my evaluation go, Hokage-sama?"
"Ah! The examiners were very impressed by your physical performance. Your talents are very rare indeed."
Tenzou bristled a little at the emphasis on the word 'physical'. "And my… mental evaluation?"
The Sandaime smiled cheerfully as he covered the 'disturbed, may need counseling' the psychologist had scribbled on the evaluation sheet. It was standard fare, of course, but he saw no need to alarm the young man. "You passed, so don't ask so many questions."
Tenzou relaxed his military stance.
"Oh, wait a minute. Before you leave--"
Tenzou snapped back to attention, wincing at the mild pain it caused him.
"--Come up with a mission codename you won't be embarrassed to have. If you don't, your captain will name you himself," he said. "For what it's worth, your squad captain seems to have a… rather odd sense of humor."
Tenzou held still, though his initial reaction was to shrug. He'd literally been born and raised by a twisted individual -- how bad could this new guy be?
Sandaime sighed wistfully. "His first year he dubbed a rookie Princess… It stuck with that poor soul for the rest of his career."
"Oh."
"Indeed. No more questions? Hm? Wonderful. You're dismissed."
Tenzou didn't care if he made a complete idiot of himself in front of the cute lobby assistant anymore. He didn't even care if he was rude. He yanked the office door open, slammed it shut behind him and all but ran down the hallway to the bathroom.
The Sandaime rubbed a hand to his forehead and gave a tired smile to his clerical chuunin. Reiko smiled back, clearly delighted to be noticed for the first time that day.
The Sandaime shuffled the papers on his desk; it was meaningless motion meant only to busy his hands. "I thought that punk would never leave, asking me all those questions… did you see him trying to adjust his pants the whole time he was here? Kids these days. Coming into my office touching themselves. Absolutely no sense of decorum."
He turned his chair around and looked out the window of his office. A few wisps of white clouds hung in the clear blue sky. It was a perfect spring morning. The carvings of the greats that had stood in this office in times past were clearly visible across the village. He hadn't had a worry-free time of this Hokage business, but it seemed much easier to burden years ago, when his back ached less and the kids had the sense to leave when dismissed the first time. The Sandaime sighed, and hoped, not for the first time, that he'd placed his hopes in the right shinobi.