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One long year of mending what was broken between them, Raya and Namaari had taken their time developing their relationship out of the broken remnants they’d had before it all had gone so very wrong for them.
Casting the Druun away, welcoming dragons back into their world, and freeing the stoned… They’d assume life would be far easier than all of that.
And yet quickly, that all seemed to be proved wrong.
Namaari had been plagued by all of the events that had happened, developing night terrors in response to the trauma she’d had to endure. Especially with the recent events that happened, worsening them by a tenfold. Raya had waited and pushed to get closer to her, right up until she didn’t have to any longer. Namaari was withdrawn from her for so long, clearly still suffering some form of guilt for everything that she’d done. But with Kumandra, came acceptance and forgiveness. Even to the most difficult of situations, they found it inside of them to grow past it in ways they hadn’t imagined would be possible.
The feelings had always been there, the tension buried under the surface for so very long. Now, however, it didn’t have to be that way. Two heiresses, princesses, to the throne of chieftess of their own lands? Found love despite their differences, hand in hand through all of the difficulties.
One year of treasuring and developing that affection, and months passed with trying to get through the walls Namaari still had up. All this time together.. and yet they’d never shared a room, nor a bed, or set foot inside Namaari’s room set way above the kingdom she was to rule. Raya respected the boundary, and yet it raised her curiosity more and more. And finally, when it came to light that Namaari had night terrors, it all made sense. Her room was far away from the people for a reason, to hide that weakness.
To keep her away from them all, to appear strong despite the fear that the restless nights brought upon her when the sun fell out of sight.
The chieftess’ daughter, in her mind, had to seem fearless and untouchable to the many. Yet, when she admitted to the reason she never invited Raya in, much less to stay the night? Raya had never seen her look so uncomfortably vulnerable for a while.
It made it all that more real to hear from her lover.
With the admittance, came a stronger feeling of safety, and Raya had finally been allowed up into Namaari’s room. Namaari stood a bit tense most of the time despite the relaxed conversation they kept, but never complained. It was an attempt to get past this one thing that stood so clearly between them. One of the few walls left up, and it was a big one to hurdle in all actuality,
So, that brought them tow where they were now, Namaari’s eyes softened and moving in a nervous nature as she watched Raya sitting on the edge of her bed, sighing shakily as she crossed her arms and glanced aside. In her room, trying to overcome the paranoia of the night ahead. “I’m sorry for all of this. This is just a waste of time.” It shouldn’t be so hard, in her mind, to bare her weakness to her lover who already knew the reason to her discomfort. She already knew, and yet it still unsettled Namaari so deeply.
Knowing what was ahead, she hated all of this buildup. Maybe even considering ending the night before it truly started.
Raya smiled slightly, sitting slowly back onto Namaari’s bed in a more relaxed pose as she planted her hands back behind her against the mattress. “Maari.. it’s okay. We really don’t have to talk about it if it’s stressing you out.” Raya moved herself aside with ease, patting the open spot beside her. “Come on. Sit down with me.” She watched as Namaari conflictedly side-eyed the open mattress with resignation hugging her every feature. Despite it all, she still sighed, shaking her head slowly.
Her arms dropped from their position crossed over her chest, dragging her weighed down feet over to sit on the edge of the bed with a mixed frown befalling her complex expression. Leaning forward, Namaari found herself slouched as her heavy eyes fell to the floor, her hands folding together as she clutched them still in her lap. To say she was conflicted on how to feel about any of this.. would be the understatement of the century.
And yet Namaari felt as Raya moved to sit forward with her, Raya’s head resting against her shoulder. It was different, being the relaxed one when Namaari was so tense. “If you aren’t ready, you know I don’t have to stay…” Such a gentle reminder, smoothing a slow hand up the small of Namaari’s back as she rubbed it in a slow circle over the tense muscles.
Namaari’s lips held into a fine line for a moment, held tight before letting her expression relax forcibly with her next sigh. “I know. I know...” They hadn’t been forcing it, both aware it was a more touchy subject than it sounded at first mention.
Namaari always seemed to get finicky when the topic arose, and to live that moment? She might be worse off spiraling in her mind than she’d thought she would be.
Raya had herself growing slightly concerned with the unclear response, lifting her head subtly to press a kiss to her lover’s neck in gentle affection. Namaari hummed softly at the sensation, tilting her head subtly aside to make more room for the touch. Her eyes had fallen slowly shut as she was being coaxed into relaxing alongside her lover, Raya speaking softly in her ear with care as she did so. “If it helps, we could just try and lay down now. Leave the lights on, just relax for a bit. You and me?” She’d never seen the lights off, even just passing down in the town below.
The nod she was rewarded with confirmed the assumption, a measure of relief shadowing the corners of her lover’s expression.
Namaari wasn’t looking to drag out the buildup any more than they had already, done with the feeling of discomfort that ran rampant through her active mind. “If you wouldn’t mind… I think that might help.” Talking about it.. preparing for what the night could end in— it only served to raise her nerves and unsettle her more. Skipping all of that?
By all means, she was on board with the chance to avoid it.
Raya smiled to herself, taking the chance to wrap her arms around Namaari fully to pull her in snug against her body. Pressing a firm kiss to the underside of Namaari’s jaw to pull a soft laugh out of the woman, Raya smiled into the warm skin that her lips met, almost cheeky to hear it. “Sounds like a plan..”
Namaari rolled her eyes, lifting a hand to hold Raya’s face lovingly in closer to hers. The playful nature was a pleasant relief from the night ahead, however, leeching off of the lighthearted mood. “You’re enjoying this too much, you know.” Still, she found it eased the anxiety that twisted her chest, trying to breathe deeper.
Raya mocked a noise of realization, resting her head over Namaari’s shoulder as she kept her cradled in close to her own body. “Oh, right. Please forgive me, I forgot I’m supposed to dread sharing a bed with the woman I love. You know, honest mistake.”
Namaari groaned softly despite the widening smile that lifted her eyes, twisting her hand around to the cheek Raya tried to snuggle up against only to shove her away. “Suck up.” Raya chuckled as she bounced back on the mattress with a cheeky smile as her girlfriend had finally moved to pull the folded blanket over. Getting comfortable to keep her head on straight, Namaari could only hope it would work as she hoped as they got settled.
For now, she seemed to be avoiding contact, Namaari leaving a gap between them as she arranged the larger blanket over the two of them. Raya wanted to question it, eyeing the gap with subtle disdain even if she’d respect it. Usually, they were both so touchy that it was painful, so this? Was a big difference from that
Except Raya knew that Namaari had her reasons, she was sure she did.
And yet she’d noticed Raya’s hidden curiosities, sighing softly as her eyes flitted between her lover’s face and the blanket resting over them. Twisting onto her side with a soft huff of exertion, Namaari laid facing Raya in the same position she was. “If I have one.. I don’t want to freak out and hit you. Just.. try and leave some space.”
Thrashing and fighting in her sleep were not uncommon with the night terrors that came frequently with the night.
Raya’s face fell in understanding, letting out a short breath before nodding with a smile. Taking in the moment, staring back at her lover with such adoration. Trying not to show it, and yet sharing even just one night with Namaari seemed to be making her entire week. “Alright. I promise, space for sleeping. And if you need me, you know you can wake me up. I won’t mind.”
That sentence alone..
Namaari knew Raya didn’t really know what to expect. If she had a night terror tonight? Raya would not be able to sleep through it, and yet she only gave a weak smile, already dreading the night ahead. “Yeah.. I do.”
Raya had rested her hand between them in the empty space, watching with her gaze shifting down to Namaari’s that slid up to rest just over hers. Space didn’t mean there was any less intimacy in the trust they put into this moment. Namaari let her eyes linger on their joined hands, feeling Raya’s fingers come up through the gaps between her own to interlock them. Even if just temporarily.
So, she let her eyes slowly fall shut, even with some hesitation following the motion. Relaxing was easier than she wished it was, exhausting hugging her body down to the bed already. Dread couldn’t keep Namaari from slipping into the grasp of sleep, feeling it dragging her gradually under as thinking got fuzzier and harder.
And then it took hold of her unsuspecting form all at once, before she could process the shift between reality and the fantasy she’d slip into.
The turn everything was about to take, Namaari had expected it. And yet she could never fully be prepared for it.
The rise and fall of Namaari’s every breath was slow and drawn out, eyes peacefully shut as she felt her head heavy with drowsy content. And yet she felt movement on the bed beside her, the bed seeming to dip under the shifting weight on the other side. Humming slowly, Namaari turned from her spot of laying on her back to try and see what was happening. When had she turned onto her back..?
She never slept like that.
“Raya?” Namaari’s voice came out slow and unsure, and yet when her eyes fell open, the immediate realization that something was wrong seemed to fall over her in an instant.
The demeanor of the room had shifted from light and welcoming.. to dark and unnerving so easily. Every candle, every light, snuffed out and leaving the room dark in the loss of the burning flames that no longer brightened their surroundings. The moonlight shone through the open gab of her windowsills, casting an uncanny blue glow through the dark room. And despite it all, the silhouette of Raya sat up by the other side of her bed snagged her attention, leaned over and seemed to reach down for something down under the foot of the bed.
And yet she didn’t turn when Namaari called her name, back remaining turned to her lover. “Maari. I thought you were sleeping.” The tone that slipped from her lips already had Namaari thrown, almost stagnant and rehearsed rather than the warm voice that was usually targeted towards her. “You should close your eyes.”
Namaari stared, her eyes moving slowly over Raya’s form in almost suspicion as she tried to understand what felt so off. “What are you doing awake..? It’s late.” The question felt off in itself, the silence of the room deafening between the voices.
The gaps between felt odd.. unusually extended and unusual.
Raya didn’t need to think to answer it, and yet Namaari could make out her arms moving. Doing something ith her back turned and largely sheltering the movements. “No reason.. just thinking.” The glint of something metal caught Namaari’s tired eyes, her drowsiness leaving her confused and doubtful as she bent her arm to lean on and lift her head just a little. Subtly starting to grow more alert and put off by the odd behavior. “You do believe in fate, don’t you? Karma…”
Namaari didn’t like how this was going at all. Her eyes had narrowed into a fine squint, her body going slowly rigid as she cleared her throat. “What are you talking about?” She hated to admit it…
But the way Raya was speaking had her on edge, all too aware of her every breath and heartbeat.
“Did you ever maybe think that dragons created the Druun?” Raya’s question had Namaari pushing herself up, silent in tension as she stared tense at the back of her lover. Refusing to answer Namaari’s question, as her frozen eyes found just what Raya held in her hands. No longer hidden, dragging a whetstone down slowly down the blade of her curving sword with a grating sound earned as the intensity of the grinding was raised. “To fix what humans broke.. rid the earth of the ungrateful scum that walk their land. Every human that walked the face of this land, our Kumandra, and betrayed the very thing dragons respect?”
“Raya.” Namaari felt the warning rise in her tone, noting the subtle smile that curled her lover’s lips with the most subtle head turn towards her as the moonlight enunciated the morphing features.
And in a second, Namaari’s fears had come to life, eyes snapping open wide as Raya had braced her foot up on the bed and turned to lunge without any further warning. On reflex, Namaari’s hands had flown up to defend her face, meeting the sword with a harsh clang that sounded out as she gasped and was pressed down against the mattress with the momentum. Knowing Raya, that this wasn’t right, Namaari was in a panic, her eyes flitting all around in desperation as she tried to find any other reason for the attack.
And yet she found none, crying out in strain as the pressure only increased down on her. Namaari’s shaking hands failed to keep it up and away from her neck, feeling the blade’s edge starting to grind down against her skin and pressure down on her exposed throat. “Well.. you know what I think?” Raya’s words came cold, low and mixing with the whisper she pushed from her throat. Her expression had twisted in a sick humor as her eyes remained shut, overpowering Namaari with suspicious ease. Namaari was only mustering choked noises, alive with fear as she quivered in the strain she felt spreading her muscles.
She could feel her heartbeat through her neck.
And Raya didn’t take long to spit her answer her own question, a wide smirk fading into an expression void of humor. “The Druun was created to destroy the likes of people like you!” Namaari gasped in a struggle, her arms tense and failing to outstretch as she tried to push the sword back and away from her throat. The pressure.. she couldn’t breathe, choking from a lack of air as her lips parted to take it in… And yet her throat still remained tightly closed shut under the weight bearing down over her.
Raya’s eyes stared back at her, a cold purple blazing in the place of the dark brown that she found her typical solace in. Unforgiving and burning with nothing but hatred. Namaari felt her heart pounding, grappling desperately along the blame despite the cold sting that welcomed her touch.
“For everything you did. Every knife you stabbed in my back—“ Raya’s arms flexed with sheer power as she braced her foot down against her blade, and the pain splitting Namaari’s throat almost felt real in the moment as the sword. “I can’t wait.. to watch you choke and bleed as I take your head. You’re nothing but a murderer. The exact thing that dragons hate.. a traitor.”
Namaari’s chest was swelling with panic as it took hold of her racing heart and mind, nearly gagging at the sensation ripping into her throat as she tried to sink back into her pillow further for any relief of the feeling. To look up at Raya and find no love, no guilt or sympathy? She felt true fear.
“And you’ll die like the one you are.”
With the words, Druun started to filter in from the open windows, even the moonlight no longer serving to keep the darkness away. It loomed above, swarmed around and left the image of Raya’s remorseful expression. winding her strength back the only thing Namaari could see—
Before driving her full strength down into Namaari’s throat, the woman beneath only able to watch as the weapon came crashing down with reckless abandon.
Namaari woke with a choked scream ripping strangled from her throat, breathless and running quickly out of sound from her deliberate lack of oxygen. Even still, she felt a weight pressing down over her, despite her throat suddenly feeling free of the sharp pain. Namaari’s eyes had shot right open in a blind terror. In a second, she’d taken ahold of the wrists of whoever tried to hold her down, twisting and flipping the two of them over in an instant.
She was in a cold sweat, body trembling as her breaths came ragged and uneven, her pupils shrunken down to pin pricks as her grip turned iron. Namaari could feel muscles flexing under her fingers, and yet the familiar voice that graced her ears finally fell with the right sound.
Raya stared up at her lover’s expression, frozen in surprise as suddenly Namaari had slammed her down all too rough, nails digging into the thin skin of her wrists painfully. And yet her squirming didn’t last long, trying instead to get her attention than seem like any more of a threat. “Maari.. Namaari, hey! Hey, baby it’s okay—!”
Raya couldn’t hide the subtle panic that raised her voice in a panicked strain, feeling Namaari straddling her with a tense grip. Pushing her down with the full weight of her body and sheer muscle as her thighs flexed around her hips and waist.
It hurt more than she expected it to, Raya could feel the bruises already settling in with the harsh grip that stayed locked to her wrists and kept them pinned down harshly to the bed, and yet her eyes remained trained on Namaari.
Recognition finally seemed to dawn over Namaari’s blindly panicked state slowly when her eyes met those familiar brown eyes riddled with concern and not an inch of murderous intent. And in that instant, Namaari’s eyes had started to flicker around the room to take careful notice of every little detail that contrasted the memory of the dream. The lanterns and candles all alight.. all signs of the Druun noticeably vacant from every corner of the room, and Raya’s sword distinctly across the room and placed leaned up against the wall out of reach.
And Raya only gently spoke again despite the predicament, trying to get through to her lover. “It’s okay.. I promise, it’s just me. See?”
It was hitting Namaari all at once, really, realizing that none of it was real.
Fuck.
Namaari forced her grip away the second she had managed to grasp it wasn’t true, her breaths still askew as she forced her body off of Raya’s. Her hands were still shaking visibly, one hand reaching up and running through her hair blindly before clutching onto her head with it. She was safe.. and yet her body still felt alive with fear, heart pounding painfully as it thrummed inside of her chest. Every movement was less than calculated, still gasping in every breath as if it were her last.
She couldn’t catch it, the air felt like it was escaping her.
Namaari tensed as felt a slow hesitant touch inching up her arm with a gentle precision, nothing firm, however. Only to announce Raya’s presence was still there as she forced herself up and onto her knees. “Hey, easy now, easy..!” Namaari clearly wasn’t back to her entirely, not with the way she was acting.
Still sitting up so rigidly in bed, and the tears Raya took notice of falling from Namaari’s eyes? It shook her just how real it was, and suddenly Namaari’s withdrawal from wanting her to see her like this made so much more sense.
She wasn’t herself. Nothing but a shell of herself to be seen, fear and desperation being left behind.
Raya shakily exhaled, having to shuffle more towards her lover and in front of her to even have a chance of stealing her attention. All the while, however, eyeing the dark ring of bruises that had settled over her own wrists. She couldn’t say she ever expected to have to hold down her lover in her sleep in fear for her own life.
Namaari had come to life from her peaceful sleep, tossing and turning before seemingly trying to attack her, push her into the bed.
And yet Raya couldn’t care less about herself, shaking her head slowly with a quick exhale before moving her hand up to coax Namaari’s hand down and away from her head. “You’re safe. It’s just me, just us. Can you look at me?” It felt like coaxing a startled animal more than comforting a person.. the way it took Namaari a long few seconds to even attempt to meet her gaze. The glassy eyed look made Raya’s chest ache, her own eyes softening slowly as she drew the woman’s hand down and away from her head.
A sob forced it’s way from Namaari’s parted lips, distress in her eyes as she watched Raya reach out to cup her cheek. She knew she had hurt her in her panic, she still felt the sensation of the woman’s skin she’d scraped left under her finger nails. The dull ache the tight grip she’d had cast upon her shaking hands. And yet Raya still stayed, tracing a gentle thumb over the skin as Namaari buried her face into the curve of her palm for comfort, her free hand lifting to secure itself and cup it in closer. Her eyes squeezed so tightly shut, that the tears pooling along the waterline came falling in an instant. It was hard to even out her breathing, trying to make her body catch up with her mind.
Raya remained patient, leaning her head forward to rest her forehead so gently against Namaari’s so that her own breaths would be felt rather than heard. “The war is inside your head, dep la.. Come back to me.” There was no shame thrown for the struggle it was taking to get herself under control, only pure care as Raya kept her close. Every quick pant of Namaari’s breaths, was met with the controlled and slow sensation of Raya’s that fanned over her lips.
It was almost completely reflex, how Namaari’s lungs had chased the same pace it was making out of Raya’s breaths. They didn’t move an inch from the spot they sat, Raya cradling and cupping her face so very close as she just kept soothing her. Slowly but surely, over the next few minutes Namaari had found her calm. Her heart had slowed back to its typical rhythm, breaths mirroring Raya’s almost exactly with every rise and fall of her chest. Hanging off of her every breath, finally she seemed to have broken away from the panic attack that had tried to cease her body.
It took a few more moments for Raya to let her eyes peek open, pulling back ever-so-slightly as she looked over her lover’s expression with a gentle concern as she found her calm. Squeezing the hand that joined with hers down between them, she smoothed her thumb over Namaari’s cheek to wipe away any remnants of the tears that had been shed. Raya sighed in relief to herself, tilting Namaari’s head down subtly to press a kiss to the woman’s head with gentle care.
“That’s it, take it easy. Can you tell me if your neck is okay?” Raya whispered it, and yet Namaari froze up at the question. Her eyes fell back open, staring in confused surprise as she processed that question. How would Raya even.. know…
And yet the pain on her neck hadn’t subsided entirely, even now that she was fully woken up. Namaari hesitated, but broke her hand away from the handhold they’d kept to feel it tentatively. It was almost like hands around her throat, the way it was bruising and sore under her unsure touch. Her face was twisted in confusion, eyebrows furrowed together as she glanced up to Raya in reflex to the discovery.
She hadn’t, Namaari knew Raya wouldn’t dare despite the dream the still tried to keep its claws ahold of her mind.
Catching on to Namaari’s almost questioning gaze, Raya’s expression softened slightly. “When I woke up it sounded like you were choking. I thought you woke up or something, but when I sat up your hands were around your throat. I tried to stop you— but we clearly see how that went...” In her incapability to breathe, it had become real as her true body had clutched her throat in desperation to protect it from the sword it saw coming down to split it.
Namaari shuddered mindlessly, massaging her throat at the description as she nodded into Raya’s palm. She could see how that could be the case, having taken the weight pushing down over her body as the assailant of her pain rather than the savior.
“I’m sorry.”
Raya paused hearing the apology, scoffing softly and tilting her head for emphasis as she tilted Namaari’s face up to meet hers again. “What? Maari, I’m telling you right now, there is no reason for you to be apologizing right now, you couldn’t help any of that.“ She wasn’t going to stand for it, and yet the glare she gave hardly reached her eyes.
Right now, she found it was hard to be upset with how genuinely afraid she’d seen Namaari moments ago.
“Raya, I told you this was a mistake.” Namaari sighed, knowing Raya meant well— and yet her own eyes lingered on the wrist of the hand that cradled her face even still. Colorful bruises splashing and staining the skin, scratches left gouged along the back of Raya’s wrists. She knew she’d done it. Namaari knew she had been the one to hurt the both of them, and she felt spiteful towards her own actions, face falling with a heavy sigh.
Raya was quiet for a moment, weighing her options quietly. She knew it wasn’t ideal, and yet she didn’t feel fearful for her life in any way despite it all. “It wasn’t a mistake.” She knew that much. Raya hadn’t grasped just how serious Namaari had been that sleeping with her was a risk she shouldn’t take, but actually understanding? She still didn’t regret it.
Namaari had broken her gaze away from Raya’s wrist with that, frowning through her confusion as she shook her head. “Raya..” She didn’t want to be lied to, and yet Raya looked entirely serious as their eyes met, her own hard look faltering when faced with the genuine look thrown her way
“I should’ve taken you more seriously in the first place. I don’t want you to think it was your fault, I grabbed you when you told me to stay on my side.” Raya had all the warnings, but she hadn’t followed them out of concern for her lover. Maybe she should have, but it was too late now. “And.. now I know what to expect for the next time, right?”
Namaari stared at Raya blankly, mouth agape as she looked to her lover in a deadpanned stupor. “Next time?” She echoed the words, feeling them fall strangely from her tongue. She doubted she’d heard right.
And yet Raya smiled, raising an eyebrow with a gentled expression with her head cocking a little more to the side. “What? You didn’t really think that could scare me off.. right? You know me better than that.” They’d run and hidden from Druun for six long years of their lives, and lost the people they loved even if only for a while.
“I don’t know.. I didn’t think it would be— comforting..” Namaari whispered it a bit under her breath, shrugging as she felt Raya fully hold her face into both cupped hands. She didn’t want to make Raya uncomfortable, especially after she might have killed her tonight.
Namaari wasn’t sure just how far she might have taken it if she hadn’t come to her senses in time.
“Well it definitely isn’t comforting for you. But what I don’t like? Is knowing you’ve been suffering like this almost every night and not telling me.” Raya couldn’t express that enough, sighing at the imagine of Namaari basically fighting with herself. Winning and losing the tussle in all the wrong ways.
Namaari had briefed her on the issue, but not in full detail, or even half as drastic as she should have at the very least. It was all on purpose, having wanted to avoid that concern as she only nodded in agreement. Namaari was all too aware of it, and couldn’t argue with that. “So.. you’re still staying?” She might have offered a guest room somewhere else, if not for the loving look she was faced with.
“Staying. Do you want to try this again?” Raya wasn’t going to give up on the idea for the both of them, staying stubbornly bent in the idea. Namaari’s smile wavered into a soft laugh that shook her chest, shaking her head.
“Like I could say no.”
She could.. but between them? She wouldn’t.
Namaari loved that woman.