Work Text:
So, this was it.
With a heavy heart, Nick closed the door behind him. He wasn’t crying. Not yet. The tears would come later.
For a moment he stood facing the closed door, his hand caressing the red painted wood. His breath was heavy, his heart empty. He could hear distant sobs behind the closed door. He felt bad about it, but the proof that Charlie was taking this just as hard as he was comforted him.
It hadn’t been a lie. Their love had been real. Their life had been real. They had been happy.
Once.
Nick violently ripped his hand and his eyes away from the door and turned away. He couldn’t bear to hear Charlie’s sobs anymore. Not if he wasn’t allowed to comfort him.
He would never again be allowed to comfort him.
That realisation broke his heart.
He dragged himself down the steps, away from the door. Away from his life.
He would have to come back here again at some point, to pack up everything he wanted to take with him into an unknown future.
Charlie wouldn’t be there.
They had agreed on selling the house and splitting the profit, the foundation of a new life for both of them, away from each other.
Before Nick turned the corner he looked back at their house. It was a good house. It would make a good home for its new inhabitants. Maybe a young couple, full of dreams and hopes for their future.
Just like us, so many years ago.
With slumped shoulders Nick turned away and lugged himself around the corner. It had started to rain. Nick’s face contorted in a grim, humourless smile. It had started to rain so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge the tears that had started falling.
It was just the rain running down his cheeks.
Nothing more.
The rain intensified as he was hauling himself on. Where could he go? The only place he wanted to be was back in Charlie’s arms, the one place he could not go. And it was his fault. Where had he gone wrong? When had he started to fail to be the man that made Charlie happy? And when had Charlie stopped being the man that made Nick happy?? He didn’t know. He only knew that Charlie had been right in his conclusion: They weren’t happy. In fact, they hadn’t been happy in a long time. And they were both tired of pretending. Both tired of trying.
When did we become like this?
An overwhelming longing to flee into his mum’s arms filled Nick’s heart. He would be safe there. He would be loved there. Without judgement, without questions. Just love and support.
Yes, this was what he needed right now. No judgement. His own judgement was enough to last a lifetime.
A lifetime without Charlie.
He directed his steps towards the train station. He would take the next train back to his hometown. He would leave all of this mess behind.
If only for a day or two.
He had it all wrong. He had thought their love would last. He had laughed in the faces of those who had pointed out to him that teenage romances were highly unlikely to last. That he and Charlie would develop in different directions.
Was that what had happened?
The fact that he wasn’t sure broke his heart. He couldn’t deny that a part of him was glad that Charlie had been brave enough to voice what they both had been thinking.
That they weren’t happy anymore.
That their life together was over.
That it was time to end things.
No more fighting, no more arguing over mundane things, no more scheduled intimacy devoid of the passion they had once shared.
The spark, Nick knew, had gone out years ago.
So yes, it would be better this way.
And then he saw them.
He stopped abruptly, frozen to the spot. A violent sob escaped his mouth as he took in the scene on the other side of the street.
Two boys, beneath a lamppost, bathed in soft yellow light. Their kiss was so soft that it ripped Nick’s heart apart.
The rain was beating down, but the two boys didn’t seem to notice, completely wrapped up in each other. Nick was too far away to see the expression on their faces, but he remembered that those would be expressions of wonder, tenderness and an all encompassing love.
The taller boy eventually put his arms around the shoulders of his boyfriend and they started walking away.
Nick stood rooted to the spot, his breath coming in gasps. He had to bend over and put his hands on his knees.
How can I possibly walk away from this??
The answer was he couldn’t. He couldn’t give up on Charlie. He knew they weren’t happy anymore, but they had once been. Maybe that hadn’t gone away. Maybe they would just need to find it again. Maybe they needed to remember.
Nick started to grin.
Maybe he needed to become the sap again that Charlie had fallen in love with.
His grin becoming wider and a plan forming in his mind he turned on his heels and started to run.
Through the rain.
Once again.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
“Nick, what are you doing here?” Charlie asked with red-rimmed eyes, staring at Nick who was standing before him in the pouring rain, drenched to the bones.
Without saying a word Nick grabbed Charlie’s hand, turned around and dragged his still-husband down the street.
Towards …
“Nick, why on earth are we going to your school in this abysmal weather?” Charlie asked, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice.
Instead of a reply Nick gave Charlie’s hand a squeeze and quickened the pace.
Charlie could feel his heart beating. Something about seeing Nick like this, in the rain, completely drenched, reminded him of the boys they had once been, before life had drowned out their love and passion for each other. He hadn’t admitted it, but beneath all the hurt, the disappointment, and the difficult decisions part of him had desperately wanted to find those boys again.
The rain beat down on them, their feet creating splashes as they were now running towards Nick’s school.
Charlie didn’t dare to hope where they were going and what Nick was about to do. How would he react? He didn’t know. How would he want to react? That he knew. But should he?
Suddenly Nick stopped. They had reached the school gates. With an apologetic smile Nick let go of Charlie’s hand and started rummaging in his pockets.
To no avail.
“I don’t believe it!” he muttered angrily.
Charlie couldn’t help himself any longer, but burst out laughing. “Nicholas Luke Nelson-Spring, are you going to tell me that you were planning on doing the sappiest, most romantic thing you have ever done and then forgot the keys?? ”
“Seems like it,” Nick admitted sheepishly. “Hold on - the most romantic thing I have ever done ? I have done lots of romantic things over the years, thank you very much!”
Charlie shrugged. “Just saying. It’s not that hard to do romantic shit when you’re happy …”
"Okay, I was planning on giving you the whole experience," Nick admitted. Then he looked at Charlie shyly. "Do you think the rugby pitch will suffice?"
Charlie shrugged. "I guess all you can do is try."
Nick groaned. "You are really gonna let me work for this, aren't you?"
"Oh, absolutely!"
“Menace!” Nick muttered under his breath, but without any real heat behind it. The hope in his heart bloomed. He took Charlie’s hand again. “Come on then. There’s a hole in the fence behind the pitch. I think we can squeeze through that.”
“How romantic,” Charlie scoffed.
“Oi!”
They looked at each other, both taken aback by their lighthearted banter. How could it be that not two hours ago they had decided to end their marriage and live separate lives? Was this some kind of romance novel that readers would scoff at because the reunion of the main characters came too quickly?
And could that be sustainable?
Charlie was the first to avert his eyes. He was giddy, but at the same time the sadness in his heart threatened to engulf him. Here they were, and they were okay, and they would profess their love to each other once again on the rugby pitch. And then they would go home and then - what? Go on like nothing ever happened? Go on pretending? He knew he couldn’t do that. And he certainly didn’t want to do that to Nick.
He deserved more.
They both did.
Nick squeezed Charlie’s hand and pulled him out of his spiral. “Be in the moment with me. Please?” he whispered, and Charlie melted.
“Lead the way, then, Rugby Lad,” he smiled.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Once they had squeezed through the hole in the fence they were both not only drenched but also sweaty and somewhat dirty. Charlie had slipped on the wet grass and taken Nick down with him into the mud.
“Seems like all the elements are against you here,” Charlie teased.
“Damn the elements,” Nick declared, making Charlie giggle.
“So, I’m guessing you want me to stand on one of the benches?” Charlie asked.
“Very much so,” Nick nodded. “I’m just gonna …” And with that he jogged into the middle of the pitch, turning around and looking at Charlie pleadingly.
Charlie shook his head in disbelief at the whole situation but turned around to find a bench to stand on. Or maybe a table.
As soon as he had climbed onto one of the tables, the rain suddenly stopped and the sun came out, creating a magnificent rainbow that hovered over his head like a halo.
Nick grinned. “What were you saying again about the elements?” he yelled.
Charlie just flipped him the bird.
But as Nick started moving towards him, finally breaking into a light jog, he got serious. And scared.
How should he react to this? What was the right thing to do?
Nick’s heart was racing as he jogged towards Charlie. Would this be enough? Would he find the right words? All their banter had not made him forget that they had ended things between them. Actually ended them. Both of them. So now it would be on him to find the right words, to make Charlie understand that he could never just walk away from him. That he would not. That he would go on trying, even if it hurt.
And the hurt would come. He could see it in Charlie’s face as he came to stand in front of him, tentatively reaching his hand upwards to grasp Charlie’s.
Charlie didn’t move. He just stared at Nick.
“I don’t want to break up!” Nick burst out. “I know I’ve hurt you. And honestly, you’ve hurt me, too. And I know that we can’t go on like this. But I can’t walk away from you, Charlie, I just can’t!”
“Nick, I …” Charlie began, but Nick shook his head.
“No, please, let me get this out! I know our life is miserable right now, I know that we don’t make each other happy like we used to! And I know it’s both our faults.”
Charlie stepped down from the table, not letting go of Nick’s hand. “Nick …”
“Char, I don’t want to let go. I can’t! You are the most important thing in my life, even if it makes me miserable. And I can’t promise you that we won’t make each other miserable again. I can’t promise that I’ll find a way to fix this. But I want to try! So, I guess what I’m asking is whether you want to try, too?”
Charlie slowly raised his hand and stroked Nick’s cheek. Then he brought their foreheads together. “This isn’t about you fixing things, idiot! It never was!”
“I know. And I am so, so sorry!”
“I guess we forgot,” Charlie cried.
“Do you think we can remember? Together?”
Charlie threw his arms around Nick’s shoulders and pulled him into a close embrace. “I hope so,” he sobbed.
They stood like this for a while, the hope they both shared warming them.
"Nick?"
"Yeah?"
"Let's go home, okay?"