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Chapter Text

"Never have I ever-"

Jack cleared his throat and ran a hand over his unshaven chin. His eyes narrowed in on Sawyer. The lie came to him easily.

"Never have I ever kissed a guy."

He lied because what he wanted was to watch Sawyer's blue eyes darken as he tipped the bottle into his mouth.

He lied because what he wanted was to watch Sawyer sweep his tongue over his bottom lip, after, savoring every last drop, lingering seconds too long to be anything other than a tease. A dare.

but,

Sawyer smirked, and doesn't drink.

(He lied too.)

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That damned machine was finally silent and still, but sticky soap bubbles continued their slow crawl across the hatch floor.

Jack, with his hands on his hips, kicked the bubbles away from his shoes, and glared at Sawyer.

"This is ridiculous. Is it beneath you to follow instructions?"

"Heeey, amigo." Sawyer held his hands up in surrender. "I did exactly what the box said. This is your fault."

"And how exactly is it mine?"

"The kissin' was your idea, wasn't it?" A raised eyebrow. A soft chuckle. "Got a hickey on my neck and a soft dick to prove it."

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Jack straddled the wobbly metal chair and studied Sawyer, who was leaning against the pool table as nonchalantly as possible.

A bruise blooming across his right cheekbone. Another across his jaw. Split lip. Ripped t-shirt. 

"Now, don't go worrying your pretty head about me. I'm alright."

Jack smacked his lips. "It was stupid of you to come back here."

Sawyer spit, a mixture of blood and saliva falling to the dirty concrete floor. He wiped excess off his lips with his shirt sleeve, and muttered, "Well, no shit. I'll just leave the heroing to you from now on, huh Doc."

-

Jack closed the distance between them.  Up close, the bruising was more prominent, and dried blood clung to the tip of Sawyer's nose.

Jack's hand twitched. "I'm going to bring back help. It's our only chance."

Sawyer huffed and flared his nostrils. "Fuck, Doc. Get the hell out of here and don't look back. It's what I would do."

Jack laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Stop."

"What are you-"

"Stop," Jack commanded again. He hesitated for a brief second before kissing him. Fast and fierce and unapologetic.

Sawyer whimpered.

First kiss.

Last kiss.

Maybe even a promise.

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Jack grabbed his wrist, tightening his grip when he tried to pull away.  A short tug of war commenced.

"Dammit Jack-"

Eyes wild with disbelief. Desperation leaking from every part of him.  "What- what are you doing, Sawyer?"

Sawyer chuckled, a sly grin across his lips.  "Gonna get myself a little two bedroom house with indoor plumbing, that's what. You can join me, if ya want."

"You can't trust him."

"But I can trust you? A whole lotta people just saw you try to kill Locke."

Jack let go. Sawyer stumbled a few steps.

"No good-bye kiss this time, Doc."

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Too small a space. Too many people. Too much drinking. Plus the smell of cheap marijuana permeating every corner had made for a lousy night.

Jack wanted to jump out of his skin. He couldn't stop shaking. He couldn't settle his mind.

He wandered far enough away from the bungalows so that the revelry of another New Year's Eve was barely an echo. The moon hid so that he couldn't see shit, but he shook out a cigarette from the pack he'd taken from Sawyer, put it to his mouth, and only then realized he'd forgotten to grab a lighter.

-

The crunch of dry grass beneath heavy footsteps interrupted his self flagation. Only one person would be stupid enough to follow him this far out.

"You alright?"

Jack laughed, shook his head no and held up his cigaratte between them like Sawyer had some sort of night vision to see those actions, and sputtered out a, "Tell me you have a lighter on you."

"Nope." Sawyer blindly reached out, fingers grazing his chest, then pressed his entire hand there. "Party's busting up. But it'll still be awhile before everyone's gone home. You may wanna give it another five, ten minutes."

-

The moon peeked through the trees, then, and the little light brought Sawyer into brief focus. He was grinning. A foolish little grin that, well, Jack in his own bit of foolishness wanted to kiss. He gulped, cigarette forgotten.

"I ain't drunk. If that's what your thinking."

He'd stopped shaking. "No, not exactly."

Sawyer trailed his hand down Jack's chest; threaded a finger through a belt loops, and pulled 'til their lower abdomens were flush with each other.

Sparks of nervousness. Heavy breathing.

"Just wanted you to know before I do this."

A reward.

Their lips collided. Reckless and clumsy.

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They were the last ones; curiosity finally getting the best of everyone else. Hurley had winked as he zoomed by. Kate had grinned, and given his bicep a supportive aqueeze in passing.

Jack clung to Sawyer near the exit. One hand planted on the back of his neck, fingers threaded through his hair - the other, folded into his jacket at the waist.

Sawyer caressed his cheek. Blue eyes burned into his. Their lips brushed when he spoke. "This is it. You can't die on me anymore."

In response, Jack pressed his lips more firmly to his. A last first kiss.