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༄ the ocean stirs the heart and frees the soul ༄
(I.)
All Tommy could think about, as he skimmed over the ridiculous– extensive– selection of swimming trunks, was how after a lifetime of living in LA he could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d actually gone out to the beach.
It’s not that he didn’t like going. It was just something that, to him, lost a lot of the appeal when one had to do it alone.
Enter one Evan Buckley. With his soft curls and sun kissed tan skin, and eyes that perfectly matched the water. Of course he loved the beach. He asked Tommy to go for a date– r eally it was their first date after the failed first date followed by Howie and Maddie’s wedding fiasco. How could he say no?
*
Evan slipped his hand into Tommy’s the second Tommy climbed into his jeep, and held it the entire drive. He only let go when they turned into a lot with just a few cars. They were at a spot Evan swore was the best of the best and fairly quiet. He hurriedly got out and around the jeep to regrab Tommy’s hand as quickly as he could. “It, uh– It’s a surprise…” he said, and his sunny smile took on a bit of deviousness. Tommy couldn’t resist the twinge of excitement in the pit of his stomach. “You– you have to close your eyes.”
Tommy cocked his brow, the corners of his lips curving slightly before pulling back down in an attempt to seem serious. “What are we… sixteen?” He hoped he wouldn’t sound uninterested, but he was nothing if not a little shit when it came to most anything. Luckily Evan didn’t seem deterred, his smile only widened as he pulled an actual blindfold out of his pocket. “Oh come on, you can’t be–”
“I’m so serious!”
Tommy sighed and allowed the fabric to be tied around his face. If Evan was actually some crazed murderer finally taking the opportunity to take him out… what a way to go!
The sand was hot on his bare feet as they walked. They had taken their sandals off the moment they stepped off the sandy boardwalk, and even though he couldn’t see, Tommy took note of the lack of seashells he was stepping on– that was a definite positive about this particular beach. Evan instructed him to duck under something that he was fairly certain was branches, then had him take a couple more steps before Tommy felt fingers card through his hair and stop on the knot of the blindfold. “You ready?” Evan asked, and Tommy nodded.
He cracked one eye open once he could see, then the other, and was met with Evan’s gorgeous smiling face, engulfed in a halo of golden sunlight.
“Hey,” he said dopily, his own grin attempting to match– failing, but still one hundred percent genuine. He’d forgotten what it was like to smile so easily. He could get used to this.
“H- Hey…” Evan replied, stepping forward enough to press their lips together, then he side stepped and revealed a whole set up. A small section of beach, hidden by trees and shrubs, was pretty bare, just a couple people around, and they were just passing through. Evan told him he’d found the spot treasure hunting with Jee; tack that on to the Buckley adorableness scale.
There was a blanket laid out, with a bottle of wine and two glasses. A picnic basket he must have borrowed from Maddie because the guy didn’t even have a table cloth… no way he owned a picnic basket– it was the gesture, however, and this one was as sweet as Evan himself. “Do you like it?”
“It’s perfect,” Tommy laughed.
*
They spent the evening wrapped in each other's arms, watching the waves crash, the sun set, and the beach empty of any stragglers who wandered over to their hidden section, until it was just the two of them.
Evan pulled out his phone and put on a song Tommy had once told him he liked. Something soft and slow, he could picture himself dancing to– not that he would ever actually do it. Evan, however, was clearly a mindreader because he pushed himself up on his feet, and held out his hand. “Come on…” he pressed when Tommy hesitated. “We have it all to ourselves now.”
Tommy looked around, and took Evan’s hand. He let Evan pull him close and they danced in the sand, by the sea, while the moon shone brightly above them.
Over the next five months the little secluded section of beach became a frequent date spot for them. “Meet me at our beach,” Evan would say and soon Tommy needed multiple hands to count beach trips… not that he cared.
Laid out on a blanket, splashing each other in the water, somehow always ending with them tangled in each other's arms dancing in the moonlight; just Evan and Tommy with no one else around. It really felt like it was theirs.
(II.)
All Tommy could think about, as he pulled into the public access lot, scanning around the cars for an opening he doubted he would be lucky enough to find this close to their beach… was if, after all this time, it would still feel like it was their beach.
By the time they had stopped dancing around each other (had the grown up, serious conversation that was long overdue) and got back together they had been apart longer than they had dated. He wondered would things go back to how they had been? Back when things had been amazing and Tommy had been riding a high he never thought he’d get to feel. Back when they were happy and steady and he would have laughed at the idea that his insecurities would rush the process of what he’d thought was an inevitable end.
He told himself not to worry. This was a fresh start… but so much was different.
Bobby was gone. The 118’s entire dynamic had drastically shifted. Even Evan and Eddie weren’t as close anymore– and while he had been very legitimate in his confession to feeling like Eddie had been competition… deep down he knew that was just one of his many insecurities– that was a Tommy issue. (He had been spending a lot of time working on fixing all the Tommy issues .) But learning Evan wasn’t as close with his best friend didn’t make Tommy relieved, it made him sad. It made him wonder how much else had changed within Evan’s life.
He wondered if Evan had changed as well.
He found a spot right up front and wondered if that was the universe telling him to chill the hell out.
*
Meet me at our beach? Evan had asked, not even a full week after they agreed on giving them a second try. The request was unexpected, but they had the day off together and Tommy had expected them to wind up at one or the other’s place regardless. He felt his heart tense at the urgency and hint of sadness in Evan’s voice– at the ‘our beach’ part– and he had his keys in hand before they hung up.
He quickly made his way down the boardwalk, a little more nervous with every step that brought him closer to the turn off. He ducked down under the branches of the tree that kept the spot hidden from the path, and was met with Evan’s back, as the younger man– the man he so desperately loved but wasn’t sure if he should confess it to yet– stared out at the water.
A bottle of wine clutched in his hand… which Tommy recognized. “You kept that,” Tommy asked, dropping to the blanket beside Evan.
For a moment Evan didn’t speak. He just looked down at the champagne Tommy had left after their one night stand, running his thumb through the condensation building up on the glass from the heat. “I don’t think want this…” Evan said after some time.
His eyes finally found Tommy's and there was what felt like a fist sized lump lodged in Tommy’s throat. “The– The w- wine?” Tommy swallowed, trying not to sound panicked. “We don’t have to–”
Evan sighed and sat the bottle down. Tommy knew he didn't mean the wine. He thought about how he should have expected this… He thought about getting up and running like he had done before… Then Evan sucked in a sharp, shaky breath and tears were rolling down his face, and all Tommy could think about was comforting him. So he did.
Evan didn’t try to resist, just melted into the embrace. “I don’t want to start over…” he continued and Tommy felt like Evan might as well have broken the bottle and plunged the shards into his chest. “I– I can’t… I can’t pretend this is all new… and– and start over acting like I’m not already in love with you.”
Tommy wasn’t sure if the whooshing sound in his ears was the waves crashing feet away from them… or from his heart. He blinked, waiting to see if he was hallucinating. Evan wiped his face on Tommy’s shoulder, then apologized for the snot left behind. “S- Sorry… I– I shouldn’t have dropped it like–”
“I love you too…” Tommy blurted out, and froze– waited. Evan stared at him now, then slowly… he smiled.
(III.)
All Tommy could think about, as he passed beach goers happily conversing while they walked the boardwalk. All of them, none the wiser of his existence, much less moving out of his+ way, was how tired he was after the hell of a shift he’d just had… How– as much as he loved their beach, and spending time with Evan on it– he really didn’t feel like going.
He was nearly home when he got the text: Our Beach? 5:00? <3
Little shit is lucky he is adorable, Tommy groaned and turned his car around to drive towards the coast. It was packed, but their beach usually stayed quiet; some stragglers here and there, but mostly quiet.
Tommy could navigate from any parking spot to their beach at that point, with his eyes closed probably… while walking backwards. He made his way down the boardwalk with ease, ducked under the branch that led to their spot… and was met with an empty beach.
No Evan in sight. No blanket waiting, where he might have come and set up. No note with instructions or an explanation. (And to add insult to injury he didn’t even have a good enough phone signal to call and see where Evan was.) Nothing.
Tommy tried to not get annoyed, but Evan had made it seem like he was already waiting for him. So Tommy waited and waited… then finally turned to leave at 6.
“Hey,” Evan said, suddenly behind him, standing by the trees, smiling but clearly out of breath. (How he did so without making a sound Tommy wasn’t sure– he would be lying if he said the shock it gave him didn’t bring back the thoughts of murderer Evan taking him out… Still would be a hell of a way to go)
“Uh, hi…” Tommy replied, not trying to sound bitchy– he knew it didn’t work well.
“I’m so sorry. I know I’m late… I–” Evan takes a deep breath and laughs. “I had this whole thing planned out in my head. I even broke out my good clipboard to plan it– the red one!” Tommy cocks a brow, now thoroughly confused. Evan grabbed Tommy’s hand and squeezed it. “I went through all the different ways I could do this… and I have forgotten every single one. I just know that I love you so much… and I– I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Tommy blinked, not daring to believe the feeling he had about where Evan’s rambling might be leading. “I want that too,” he said, because Evan had suddenly gone silent, and he had to say something to break it or he might pass out.
Then the bushes behind Evan hissed at him to get out the box.
“O- Oh… heh– right.”
He fumbled it, nearly dropped it, and could barely get onto one knee from trembling so hard. But he did, and Tommy had to bite his tongue to not say– scream, shout, tap it out in morse code– YES YES YES before Evan could even ask him.
“Marry m–”
“YES!”
Evan bolts up and grabs Tommy’s face, kissing him as a chorus of laughter and cheers shake the bushes. A little voice from one (suspiciously sounding like Jee) asks if they can build a sand castle now.
(IV.)
All Tommy could think about, as he shifted from one foot to the other, was how from the moment Evan popped the question, there was absolutely no doubt in his mind where the wedding would take place.
Their beach had held such an importance to them already, why not tie it to one of the most significant days of their lives. He had joked, in the beginning, about flying them out to Vegas. When it felt like torture to wait for their chosen date. When the stress of it all was piling on… Had Bobby still been there– God how Tommy hated Bobby wasn’t there for Evan– he’d have just got him to elope them a la Vegas style the day Evan proposed.
Bobby wasn’t there, however, and asking one of their friends to get ordained just to speed up the process felt like a whole extra process in and of itself… so they waited. When talk for venues came up, Tommy knew where Evan was going to suggest before he could even suggest it.
Our Beach? Ocean blue eyes asked without words, locked onto Tommy’s… How could he say no?
Absolutely worth it, Tommy thought, the moment he saw Evan. The branches were tied up and created a beautiful archway. Tommy’s heart pounded as he watched Evan begin the walk; arm in arm with an already tearful Maddie, while Jee skipped just ahead of them tossing flower petals and Nash toddled beside her holding the rings on a pillow.
*
They did it all, right there in the little space, just big enough for the two of them and their people to celebrate.
The sun set, and the air cooled. The kids were getting tired and everyone had partied, laughed, and shared every embarrassing story they could conjure up… Tommy held Evan close as they shared one last slow dance beneath the moonlight.
Beach weddings are definitely aesthetically pleasing, but there was a ton of sand in Tommy’s shoes, suit, and even in his boxers… His skin felt sticky from the salty air, and he could only imagine how messy his hair was from the wind. Evan pulled back and smiled at him, making his heart swoop like it was the very first time all over again.
Absolutely worth it.
All Tommy could think about, as he felt the car slowly creep over a speed bump, was how riding in a car blindfolded was somehow making him more carsick than reading a book while riding ever had. He took a deep breath in and blew it out slowly, willing his stomach to settle.
In the driver seat he could hear Evan tapping out a beat on the steering wheel and tried to focus instead on that. Until Evan reached over and grabbed Tommy’s hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss over each knuckle, lingering on the golden wedding band. “We’re almost there,” he said, and the hint of mischief in his voice was plenty of distraction.
Finally they arrived at their destination, and Evan turned off his truck. He reluctantly released Tommy’s hand and instructed him to stay in his seat until he got around to his door. “I can’t take it off now?” Tommy asked with a playful pout.
“No, uh, not– not yet.”
He waited patiently as he heard the quick footsteps of Evan jogging around to his side, and opening the door. Tommy couldn’t fight off the smile on his face as Evan held his hand and helped him out. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much… It was amazing. “ Now can I?”
“One second,” Evan said, leading Tommy forward just a little more before stopping him. “Okay. Now!”
He was met with a front door. A porch with two yellow painted wooden rocking chairs. A bright, excited smile on his favorite person. “Evan… where are we?” Tommy asked.
“Home,” Evan replied simply. Tommy furrowed his brows. “O- Only if you– you want that, of course.”
They had been discussing buying a house for almost a year now, but the market was terrible and prices were terrible, and this house? This house was beautiful! “Do you like it?” Evan asked nervously.
“Like it?? I– I love it, Evan!” Tommy managed around tears. Evan’s smile could melt diamonds as he led him through each room, the kitchen, the back patio. It was perfect. “And to think I thought the surprise would be just something at our beach.”
“Oh?” Evan’s lips quirked up. “Whose to say that’s not the case?”
Tommy’s brows pulled together. “I… don’t understand,” he said confused.
Evan’s smile widened and he took Tommy’s hand, leading him towards the fence in the back yard. “You see… There was one major selling point for this place.” He stopped at a gate, and lifted the latch. Tommy watched it swing open and just beyond it was a freshly cut pathway to a boardwalk. Their boardwalk… Just past the boardwalk was a line of trees with the branches still tied up with the blue ribbon from their wedding, creating an archway. Their archway.
“There’s no way,” Tommy gasped.
“Oh there’s definitely a way…” Evan laughed. “It’s called scouting housing listings daily.”
He took Tommy’s hand and led him out of the yard– their yard – and across the boardwalk through the opening to their beach.
(V.)
All Tommy could think about, as he paced through the soft white– still blessedly shell free– sand, was how quiet it was for a Saturday evening in LA. He supposed it was likely thanks to the festival. Everyone, from the tourists to the locals, was partying it up at the pier. Keeping the small strip of beach that sat just beyond he and Evan’s backyard empty.
Their beach.
It will never get old saying that. It will never not feel like it is really theirs. Their oasis, their happy place… Their chosen location for sharing all things big and exciting apparently.
This unexpected quiet was nice, actually. It gave him a moment to think. A moment to breathe.
A moment that was gone too quickly when he heard Evan’s voice from the archway. “Hey sweetheart,” Evan said, clearly trying to mask his panic with genuine (calm) concern. “I- I got your message. ‘ Meet me at our beach.’ Is– Is everything okay– are you good?”
The sound of the waves had become a white noise for Tommy. Helping to relax him. He listened as each one crashed onto the shore. He waited as each new one pulled back to repeat. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little stick, and handed it to Evan. “Everything is great, actually.”
A year of trying until they had all but given up and accepted it wasn’t in the cards for them. A year of tears and frustrations and anger. A year of waiting, and waiting, and waiting… was now over.
Evan’s eyes widened, and filled with tears, as he looked at the test in his hand. The two lines. The promise of a new exciting future. “Y- You’re having– We– We’re having… a baby?!”
“Yeah,” Tommy said through his own tears. “We are.”
*
It was where they announced it to everyone.
It was where they revealed the gender.
It was where they threw the baby shower, and did a paternity shoot…
And when their daughter arrived they announced it via a picture of the three of them with the ocean in the background.
It’s where she took her first steps, and said her first words.
Their little family, with their little beach bum, all together on their little beach.
And it was truly perfect.