Chapter Text
Some say the heat in Uganda can melt the brain. Others say that’s just what happens when your deeply repressed attraction to your District Leader collides with 100-degree weather and the world’s most chaotic best friend. Either way, Kevin was about to have a week that included fake marriages, unintentional spooning, scrambled eggs warfare, a seduction attempt that revolved around a cupcake, and basically the gnarliest situationship to ever exist. But to get to that point, we have to take a few steps back to the evening that started it all.
Kevin laid restlessly in his bed. He must have been laying there for a couple of hours by now and yet he felt no closer to sleep than he’d felt in the first place. Arnold’s snoring was loud, of course, but after close to half a year of hearing it, Kevin had started to register it almost as white noise. No, it wasn’t Arnold’s snoring causing Kevin Price’s restlessness — it was the heat. The unbearable heat. Uganda sits right at the equator, meaning that all seasons feel pretty similar: sticky and hot. The air conditioning unit that must have been older than Kevin himself was iffy at best and it often gave out when temperatures were unusually high — aka, when the elders needed them most.
At least he didn’t have to wear those God forsaken temple garments anymore.
There were other things that kept Kevin up besides just the heat. But those were things that Kevin Price was actively trying very hard not to think about.
See, Kevin had spent a large chunk of his life succeeding at being the exact person that his parents wanted him to be. When that rug of praise had suddenly been ripped out from under him with his choice to stay in Uganda, Kevin suddenly had to figure out for himself who he was, if not the person his parents had envisioned. This had led to some innocent discoveries — like that he adored coffee and the f word, but also some discoveries that Kevin had yet to fully unpack. Kevin preferred to take his journey out of Mormonism baby step by baby step. So dissecting and analyzing why he suddenly felt his body temperature rise every time his good-looking District Leader patted him on the shoulder (or smiled) (or breathed) felt like a very scary, very fully-grown-adult step.
But no. Tonight, it really was mostly the heat.
Finally, after switching which side he was laying on for the billionth time, he gave up on the notion of trying to fall asleep. Very slowly and quietly, Kevin stood up and left the room, wincing and cringing as the floorboards squeaked below him. Using the techniques he’d perfected as the child of strict parents, Kevin turned the handle of the door all the way before trying to open it, letting it open completely silently. Then he quickly stepped out of the room and closed the door very carefully so that it wouldn’t make a sound when it latched shut.
Kevin expected to be the only one up at the ungodly hour, so he was surprised to see the back of someone’s head who was sitting on the couch. Kevin immediately knew who it was. Both because of the auburn hair, and because it was just Kevin’s luck that he would encounter this particular person right after trying very hard not to think about him. Speak of the devil, as they say.
“Hey Elder McKinley,” Kevin said. He hadn’t meant to startle Connor but he seemed to practically have a heart attack.
“Wha-! Kevin- I mean, Elder Price,” Connor stammered. Kevin walked over to the couch to alleviate his worry.
“It’s fine, Elder, don’t worry about it,” Kevin laughed. Most of the elders didn’t strictly refer to each other as “elder” since not being official Mormons anymore but Elder McKinley was an exception. He was their District Leader, for one thing, but he also seemed to be taking longer than the others to truly open up and become friendly instead of just professional. Kevin sat down on the couch next to Connor but he kept a respectable distance between them.
“What are you doing awake at this hour?” Connor asked, seeming uneasy by Kevin’s presence. Kevin felt bad about encroaching on Connor’s personal time but there wasn’t really anywhere else that was safe to go at this time of the night.
“Y’know I could ask you the same thing,” Kevin smirked. Connor blushed like he did every time Kevin smiled. Or really any time Kevin did anything. If it had been this bad just a matter of months ago, Kevin would have immediately assumed that Connor had a crush on him, but after getting a pretty severe ego check he now was beginning to write it off as Connor harboring a secret dislike towards Kevin.
“I often have trouble sleeping,” Connor explained, as if Kevin should have known that already. “I’ve had trouble sleeping ever since…”
“Ever since?”
“Well, ever since 5th grade,” Connor finished. He went sort of silent. Kevin tried to remember what Connor had told him about fifth grade but he drew a blank. He probably would have put more effort into making Connor elaborate on whatever he was referring to but the other boy seemed uncomfortable and Kevin didn’t enjoy being the one who made him that way.
“I was just overheated I guess,” Kevin piped up, as if he was holding some metaphorical talking stick now. “Back home I always sleep with my room as cold as possible and my blankets as warm as possible. But that’s not really an option here.”
Kevin felt something nag at him, it tightened his throat. He’d been fighting off homesickness ever since arriving in Uganda. It felt immature to miss home but he did. He missed his siblings — all six of them — and he missed air conditioning. Real, robust, air conditioning. Fuck, he really missed air conditioning. Connor clearly noticed why Kevin had gone silent.
“Yeah, there’s a lot I miss about being home as well,” Connor agreed.
“Do you have siblings or anything?” Kevin asked, realizing how little he actually knew about his District Leader.
“Yeah, I have 4 older sisters,” Connor reported. “I’m the only boy of the family. Much to my father’s chagrin.”
“That sucks, I’m sorry,” Kevin comforted. He knew what it was like to disappoint family as of late. “I mean, sisters are way better than brothers though.”
“Are they?”
“Yeah. Brothers are mean. And smelly. And insensitive,” Kevin said. “I mean, sisters can be all those things as well but they are definitely less likely to steal your clothes, so there’s that.”
Connor laughed.
“Who’s your favorite sibling?” Connor asked, his voice low and impish, as if he was a third grader saying a swear word for the first time.
“I love them all equally,” Kevin huffed, “But I love my sister Clara a little more equally.”
Connor laughed — a real genuine laugh. Kevin felt his insides turn and his heart race a little. Oh no.
“How about you?” Kevin asked, hoping to get attention off of himself (for the first time in his life).
“I mean, I love them all for different reasons,” Connor prefaced. “But my sister Sarah has always been there for me. She’s super talented as well. She was always the lead in school plays and such. And she never judged me for… well, for anything.”
Kevin smiled. He liked seeing the warmth on Connor’s face as he talked about the things that he loved.
I wish he’d look like that when he thinks about me, a very dangerous little thought came from the back of Kevin’s mind.
“Of course, Sarah’s my parent’s least favorite,” Connor sighed. “Well least favorite besides me. She’s the only one besides me who left the church. She also identifies as pansexual so they’re not a big fan of that either.”
That last statement confused Kevin. Why would someone be sexually attracted to pans? Is it just pans? Is it also pots? Is it like anything you find in the kitchen or does it specifically have to be pans? Are there people who are like waffle-iron-sexual? He decided against making a fool of himself by asking Connor about it.
“She’s dating a woman right now, I think,” Connor continued, not noticing the befuddlement on Kevin’s face.
So pans but also women? I mean, women make more sense to be sexually attracted to than kitchenware but they still make less sense to be attracted to than men. Is that a gay thing to think because I’m a man or a homophobic thing to think because she’s a woman?
“Do your parents still talk to her?” Kevin asked, ignoring his inner monologue.
“Not really,” Connor said, a sad look crossing his face. “I don’t know if my parents actually love us. I think they just love the concept of us. Like they’d probably love us more if we were just cardboard cutout displays so that they can tell people that they have children like good Mormons. But the second we don’t fit into their idea of what they want us to be it’s like we don’t exist anymore. I haven’t existed to them for a long time. And it’s sort of like existence is in the eye of the beholder. I spent much of my childhood feeling disconnected and surreal.”
Connor snapped out of his hyper-honest trance and blushed furiously.
He quickly rambled out a response. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”
“You exist in my eyes,” Kevin said, ignoring Connor’s retraction of his statement. He also didn’t realize how unintentionally romantic he must have just sounded until a few seconds had past and Connor still hadn’t thought of an appropriate response to Kevin’s bizarre statement.
“Uh… that’s very- mhm, nice of you to say,” Connor choked. Oh gosh, Kevin had made him uncomfortable again. He was blushing like crazy. Kevin decided he had to do something to alleviate the amount of dislike Connor seemed to feel towards Kevin. What would make Kevin like someone more if he was in Connor’s shoes? Ah yes, compliments.
“Connor- I mean, well, can I call you Connor?” Kevin began. Connor nodded slightly, though he still seemed like Kevin was turning into a unicorn in front of him or something judging by the beyond shocked expression on his face. “I just thought you should know that I think you’re very smart and responsible. I don’t just think you’re nice, even though you are, I actually respect you. I don’t know how I’d be holding up at this point if it weren’t for how much you ground me. Your hair is, like, perfect and your clothes are always pristine. I just thought I should say something because you seem to not like me or something-”
Connor let out a sound that was halfway between a gasp and a laugh. It stopped Kevin from continuing his little ramble. “I think it’s pretty obvious just how much I like you, Kevin.”
His statement was totally blunt and knee-jerk, said so casually that Kevin had half a mind to think that he’d imagined it. Connor immediately slapped his hand over his mouth, despite the fact that the damage was done. Was Kevin just being the egotistical version of himself that assumes that everyone is in love with him or was that a totally valid conclusion to come to in this case? There was an innuendo in his statement that clearly pointed to romantic attraction with his emphasis of the word “like” but there was also plenty of plausible deniability in the ambiguity of his wording.
Instead of choosing to unpack whatever had just slipped out of Connor’s mouth, Kevin opted to change the subject.
“Do you like breaking rules?” Kevin asked, not realizing how suggestive that must have sounded. Connor blushed so Kevin elaborated. “I’m just saying because you basically don’t swear and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink coffee.”
“Does coffee taste good?” Connor asked.
“I mean… yeah. In my opinion,” Kevin shrugged.
“What does it taste like?”
“It’s kind of hard to describe,” Kevin pondered. “I mean, I just remember when I had it for the first time I just thought… well I thought that it tasted like Satan was doing something right.” Connor laughed.
“I just like right and wrong answers,” Connor sighed, completely nonsensically. He noticed Kevin’s raised eyebrow. “Sorry- I was answering your earlier question! You asked if I liked breaking rules?”
Connor inhaled and exhaled before continuing. “Sometimes I just miss certainty. Like not the beliefs themselves but the feeling that if I did all the right things and none of the wrong ones everything would be okay. It’s hard to adjust to get used to a less black-and-white method of analysing morality so I just… stick with the black-and-white. Even when I don’t have to. Even when it’s all self-imposed.”
Kevin was shocked by the other boy’s vulnerability. Kevin kicked himself for not realizing sooner how much more of a complicated person Connor was than he had given him credit for. He decided that the appropriate thing to do would be to add his own perspective.
“I know what you mean. I mostly feel the same way. It’s like… in school, I always liked math and hated English. I like right and wrong answers. I like ones and zeroes. Nuance scares me,” Kevin was surprised by how easy it was to open up to Connor. “It’s like… if I’m not perfect then what am I?”
Connor let out a snorted laugh.
“I’m not saying I was perfect before!” Kevin yelped, hearing how he’d just sounded. “I know that you guys tend to think that I believe myself to be incredible but actually… I am pretty insecure.”
“About what?” Connor asked, smirking his disbelief. Kevin hesitated, literally unable to think of a good enough answer. Connor laughed at Kevin’s inability to think of anything. “You’re unbelievable.” They both laughed.
“I mean, I did a lot of stuff wrong.”
“Yeah, right,” Connor sniffed. “You were like a poster-boy Mormon. Like literally. Like one of those missionaries they would have posed for photos.”
“Yeah…” Kevin awkwardly agreed. “They did literally have me and my mom pose for some of those photoshoots.”
“No way!” Connor laughed. “Of course they did. Those magazine editors are like piranhas for hot, white Mormons.”
“Hot?” Kevin raised an eyebrow, totally cocky.
“Oh-! No- I just was, oh no,” Connor buried his face in the couch cushions in flustered despair. Kevin put his hand on Connor’s shoulder and pulled him up to look at him. Connor looked at Kevin’s hand. All of a sudden, Kevin felt like Connor’s shoulder blade was a hot stove. He yanked his hand away. Kevin felt more of those scary feelings popping up again. How come those feelings felt so good and so bad at the same time? He wasn’t ready to think about it. He desperately changed the subject.
“Uh… I was wondering — do you still have a working clothing iron?” Kevin asked, the blunt lack of romance in his tone causing Connor to look mildly hurt. Kevin wasn’t meaning to hurt Connor but he also didn’t know what to think about these new feelings that were bubbling all of a sudden.
“Yeah, why?”
“Just… I think my clothes have gotten a little wrinkly-”
“Well that’s because you leave them on the floor,” Connor huffed. “You have to immediately hang them up. And then when you wash them, it doesn’t hurt to use a little starch to help with preventing finer wrinkles from developing.”
“Thanks Connor,” Kevin smiled. “You’ll make a great husband someday.”
Kevin instantly realized why that was such a bizarre thing to say. In Mormon world, complimenting someone for how good of a future spouse they would make was totally common, and it always implied heterosexuality. However, right off the heels of their perpetually unintentionally romantic conversation it sort of implied that Kevin was saying he would make a great husband for himself.
“Oh shit, I meant- you’ll make a great husband for a wife-”
That was worse. That was so much worse.
“Not that you have to be with a wife , obviously you could have like a husband too- not a husband additionally to a wife, I mean a husband instead of a wife, I just didn’t mean that I would ever be that husband. Not that I would be opposed to being your husband- fuck- no I’m not saying I WANT to be your husband- I would never say that - oh shit- I’m not repulsed by you or anything, I’m far from repulsed by you — your hair is almost more perfect than mine and- what are you doing?”
Kevin stopped rambling like a madman once he realized something had changed in the air. His voice trailed off into silence as his gaze locked with Connor’s. The other boy wasn’t just looking at him—he was staring. Not eye contact either, he was staring directly at Kevin’s mouth.
Kevin blinked. How long had that been happening?
Also— when had Connor gotten so close? At some point during Kevin’s nervous monologue, Connor had closed the distance between them until there was maybe a foot left. If that. The sudden nearness sent Kevin’s brain into overdrive. He tried to think of something to say, but every word that came to mind felt completely wrong. Useless.
His heart beat harder, almost insultingly loud in his ears. Was this really happening? Or was he projecting again, hopelessly misreading Connor’s body language the same way he misread so many things?
But then Connor moved— slowly , deliberately. His hand drifted past Kevin’s jaw like he was afraid to spook him, grazing the side of his neck before slipping upward and threading gently into Kevin’s hair. That simple touch sent lightning straight down Kevin’s spine, short-circuiting every last coherent thought.
Kevin didn’t mean to move, but he did . As if pulled forward by some invisible thread, his body inched closer, closing the small gap between them in a few tentative scooches. He wrapped his arms around Connor’s waist with a kind of hesitant reverence, like if he held on too tightly, the moment might break apart like ash.
They were close now— close-close . So close Kevin could count every freckle on Connor’s face, could feel the faint warmth of his breath.
Connor lifted his other hand, brushing fingertips along Kevin’s cheek. The gentleness of it nearly undid him. Then that hand shifted, tilted slightly, and his thumb ghosted over Kevin’s lips.
Kevin froze—his lips parting reflexively at the touch. A soft, involuntary inhale.
Connor's breath hitched—barely audible, but unmistakable. His thumb lingered at the center of Kevin’s bottom lip, as if testing something, as if he was daring himself to believe this was really happening.
Kevin’s pulse was a drumbeat, echoing everywhere at once. He was half-certain this moment wasn’t real, that it would dissolve if he moved too fast or breathed too hard. But he stayed still, completely still, except for the slight quiver of his lips around Connor’s thumb.
Neither of them spoke. The silence was taut, charged.
Waiting.
Kevin hated waiting.
Just Kevin’s patience had been on the verge of snapping, just as Kevin had been starting to push on Connor’s low back, encouraging them to get closer and closer to each other in the hopes that they would soon be finally, mercifully, kissing — they both heard the telltale squeak of floorboards coming from Kevin’s room. It was deafeningly loud compared to the gentle and intimate sounds of breath and heartbeats that had been dancing through Kevin’s head just moments before.
As if shocked by a taser, Kevin immediately moved himself several feet away from Connor, literally pushing on Connor’s chest as he did so. Shoving Connor away like that so forcefully was an unnecessary cruelty, but Kevin had been far too startled to think. After a few more moments of nothing more than floorboard squeaks and the obvious feeling of hurt and awkwardness that lingered in the air, the door to Kevin’s room opened and a version of Arnold that was closer to a zombie than a living person poked his head out.
“Kevin?” Arnold muttered, sleepiness dampening his voice. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, bud. I’m fine,” Kevin panted, slightly winded from nothing more than his racing heart.
“You should sleep,” Arnold helpfully suggested.
“I agree,” Kevin chuckled, despite himself.
“Okay. Sleep,” Arnold said, like it was a command. “Ooh, sleep.” That second one was said more like it was a brilliant idea he just had for himself. He retreated back into his room and closed the door behind him.
Kevin braced himself for the uncomfortableness of addressing the situation between him and the other person currently occupying the couch. Connor looked flustered and somewhat hurt by how eagerly and forcefully Kevin had shoved him away. He had been thrown off balance and was propping himself up on his elbows. His usually perfect emotional and physical facade had slipped.
“Elder McKinley…” Kevin began, oblivious to how much it must have stung to switch back from calling him Connor. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
What Kevin didn’t say was perfectly clear to both of them. He hadn’t said that he was going to pretend like it never happened, but it was obvious that he meant that.