Chapter Text
"Come on Jee-Yun, blow out the candle!" Howie cooed, his hands placed firmly on the back of Jee's highchair, making sure nothing bad happened as she stared at the flickering candle stuck in the chocolate cupcake sitting in front of her.
She looked at Maddie who circled around her chair, leaning down so her face was on the same level as her daughter.
"Alright, one, two, three!" Maddie did most of the work, Jee mainly just shaped her mouth into an 'o' to mimic her mom and clapped her tiny hands, giggling as the flame went out.
Everyone around the table cheered. Hen had her camera out, filming the whole thing, Karen leaning her head on her wife's shoulder with a soft smile on her face. Howie kissed Jee-Yun on the head and hugged her from behind. Margaret and Phillip-- who had actually made the trip, despite complaining the entire time-- looked pleased, glad they got to meet their granddaughter. Athena had her arms around May and Harry, while Bobby cut servings of the cake for everyone else. Eddie, Christopher and Denny were already digging in, chattering about something that made Christopher laugh loudly.
Maddie was happy. Really, she was. She had her supportive friends and family, an amazing daughter who had turned a year old already, a fiance who was the best dad she could have hoped for.
But, something, someone was missing. The absence lurked around the corners, souring the mood whenever it got too quiet. Everyone felt it, most chose to ignore it. It had been three years, after all.
Siding with everyone had cost Maddie her brother. And she couldn't help but feel like shit about it, no matter how amazing it was.
"You alright, hun?" Howie asked, placing a hand on her arm. She smiled and nodded, but she could tell it fell flat from the way his lips tightened and his brows furrowed.
"Yeah. Let's, uh...get the living room set up for presents, once everyone is done with their cake." She brushed Jee's short black hair out of her face as she stuck her hands into the cupcake, staining her mouth and half of her face brown as she stuffed her cheeks with it.
Out of nowhere the doorbell rang, and Maddie turned her head in its direction. Howie cocked his head in a silent question and she shook her head.
"I'll get it."
Maddie made her way to the door, smoothing out her purple flowery dress. She felt pulled to it by an invisible force, something drawing her closer and closer to the door-- or who was behind it-- and a strange feeling settled in her stomach.
She gripped the doorknob tightly and turned it, not bothering to look through the peephole and...
She wished she had.
"Oh my God," she breathed, her hands dropping limply to her sides. She took a step back, half wanting to slam the door back shut, but she was frozen in place.
It couldn't be a hallucination, because Chimney heard the doorbell too. But maybe her brain was playing tricks on her, distorting the face of this person into something she wanted to see.
Because there was no possible reality where she could imagine Evan Buckley actually standing on her doorstep.
"Hey Maddie," he said, and she really wanted to believe it was him, she really did, but his voice sounded...
Hard. Rough. Toneless.
The man standing in front of her was nothing like the brother she remembered. He stood stiffly, almost like he was standing at attention, his broad shoulders squared straight. His shirt looked like it was fighting-- and losing-- against the muscles in his arms. His face was set firmly and almost expressionless as he stared down at her. His hair was slightly longer, and he had stubble.
"You can't-" the words slipped off her tongue and crumbled as she opened and closed her mouth, shaking her head.
"I'm, um. Here to see your...daughter. For her birthday." Evan said like it was normal, like he hadn't been gone for longer than Maddie had been with him in LA. At her silence, he pointed back at the familiar jeep Maddie wanted to cry at the sight of. "I brought a gift."
"No," she replied. "No, you don't get to do this. What the fuck, Evan?"
He flinched slightly at her tone and his face twisted for a moment before he schooled his expression back to neutrality.
"Listen, just let me explain---"
"I thought you were dead," she gasped, tears springing to her eyes no matter how much she didn't want them to. "I called you, so many times, I, I ran though every possible scenario, I almost broke up with Howie..."
She was so angry. Angry that who she called her friends would do something so awful as drive her baby brother away to the point of no return. After so long she told Howie that it was over and planned to leave, but while she was in the process of packing her things she found out she was pregnant. And well, that was the end of that.
"Well, now you know how it feels." Evan mumbled when she trailed off, crossing his arms.
"Is that what this was? A way to get back at me?" She asked incredulously, and he actually looked surprised at that.
"No, no. Maddie, of course not. I'm sorry. I wish I could have come sooner, but I couldn't, okay? Just trust me. If this is too much, I'll leave. I just wanted..." He dropped his hands back down, wringing them together. "I just wanted to see her."
And how could Maddie say no to something she'd wished for for so long? For her daughter to know her brother?
"Everyone else is inside. I... You guys didn't end on the best terms, I was told. I don't think they'd want to see you." Maddie sighed, wiping her eyes and looking back inside, closing the door behind her so that her guests wouldn't see Evan.
"Right. That's-- that's okay. I'll, I'll just. Come back later. Or... go, actually. This was a mistake. I'm sorry."
He turned to leave but her feet finally unstuck from the ground and she leapt forwards, grabbing his arm. Evan tensed and his head whirled back around to face her, a wide, dark look in his eyes.
"Evan," she said. He smiled then, his facial features softening. It wasn't quite the sunshine filled smile she remembered, but it was enough to really set off her waterworks and she sobbed, collapsing into him. He wrapped his strong arms around her and she pressed her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat to convince herself that this was real, that he was okay.
"Maddie."
She was aware that Howie and the others probably noticed her absence and it was only a few seconds before they came bursting out the door to find her and make sure she was okay.
"Come back in like two hours, I'll get everyone out, and we can talk just the two of us, alright? And Jee, of course." She compromised, and Evan nodded before pulling away. A hint of wistfulness dusted his expression but it remained otherwise neutral to a point that scared her, since it was so unlike Evan. Her brother felt everything with such an intensity that it destroyed him, which ultimately led to the lawsuit. Now he just looked so... Empty.
"I'll see you then."
She watched him stiffly walk back to his jeep, and he turned to look at her one more time before he climbed inside and drove away. As soon as he pulled out of view the front door opened and she heard the footsteps she knew was her fiance's, and he tapped her on the shoulder. She wiped her cheeks with her hand and turned back around, putting on a smile.
"Who was at the door?" Howie asked, concerned.
"Just a solicitor."
True to his word, Evan showed up exactly two hours later-- down to the minute-- and she realized he was probably waiting in a parking lot somewhere, but didn't have time to feel bad before he pushed past her into the house, looking around.
"Wow, this place is sweet," he exclaimed (well without much emotion, but more than he had in his voice before). He spun around to take the place in fully and Maddie finally saw a glimpse of her little brother.
"Yeah. We've been here for three months now. How did you--"
"Know where you lived? Oh, I called in a few favors. I'm owed a lot of those now." He stopped at the high chair which was still covered in chocolate cupcake, and ran his hand along the back of it.
"Okay, Mr. Mysterious." She joked. "Jee-Yun is taking a nap right now, but I'm sure she'll be happy to wake up to meet her Uncle Buck."
Evan's head snapped up to stare at her and a small smile graced his face. "Jee-Yun?"
"Yeah. It's How--Chimney's mother's name."
Evan moved to stare at a picture of Maddie, Howie and Jee that was posted on the fridge for a moment, before moving on. She noticed how he seemed to catalogue every escape route, room, and appliance, in a way that showed he'd done it many times before. She let him do his thing, following behind him and doing some of her own observing.
He paused and took in a deep breath as he glanced at the open door to Maddie's bedroom. "Where's..."
"Chimney? I convinced Hen to take him out for drinks, so he's gonna be gone for a while. You don't have to worry." She stopped him with a hand on his bicep and he went rigid at her touch again, so she quickly pulled away. "It's okay, it's just us. Let's go sit down and talk, okay?"
He nodded and followed her to the table, and waited quietly while she made them some tea. His hands were resting on the table, clasped together. They were more calloused than she remembered, rough and scarred.
"Did you work at another firehouse?" She asked, setting a steaming mug down in front of him, and taking hers to the seat across from him.
"Huh? Oh, no. I kind of gave up on that. You know, after everything." He unclasped his hands and wrapped them around the mug instead, his fingers lightly tapping it before going still.
"Really? You seemed so adamant that you couldn't survive without it," Maddie recalled with a frown.
"Yeah, well. I guess I could." She practically saw the way he shut down and mentally pulled away from her, and she wracked her brain for a new subject to switch to.
"Um. Mom and dad were here earlier. It's weird, they're acting pretty amicable. They even agreed to call Chimney 'Howie' instead of 'Howard', but 'Chimney' was still a little far for them." Okay, maybe not the best subject.
"They wanted to see Jee-Yun?" The name still sounded unfamiliar from his lips, and he shaped his mouth around it oddly, as if to work it out, to cement it into his memory.
"Yeah. It took a lot of convincing for me to agree to it, but I decided I wanted my daughter to know her grandparents, you know?" She explained.
Evan was quiet for a moment, and he took a sip of tea. He stared out the window pensively at Maddie's older neighbor who was mowing his lawn, the sound of the lawn mower just barely audible.
"That's Randy. He's a nice guy, he and his wife even offered to babysit Jee one night when we were swamped with work and couldn't get anyone else on such short notice." She noticed the way he relaxed slightly as she spoke, and he hummed in reply, his cold, calculating eyes snapping back to hers.
"You and Chim finally decided to tie the knot?" He questioned, gesturing down to the ring adorning her finger.
"Oh, no. I mean, we just recently got engaged, but nothing's really...planned yet. Life has been busy."
"It really has," he lamented. "I'm sorry I didn't...call. It's hard to explain, but I was in a situation where I couldn't, well, not really at least."
"For three whole years?" She asked, trying and failing to keep the anger out of her voice. For the first three months, she had called him every day. Then she texted him every day for the next few months. Eventually, it dwindled down to once a month, but she never got a single response.
Evan looked into his rapidly cooling tea, pressing his lips into a thin line. She noticed faint scarring on the bridge of his nose, down one of his cheeks, and on his forehead, something you wouldn't notice unless he was sitting perfectly still just a few feet away.
"You know, we're not going to get anywhere if you just give me half answers the entire time."
"I don't know what to tell you. I figured you didn't want to see me." He muttered, furrowing his brows. "We didn't leave off on good terms either. You chose Chimney's side. It seemed perfectly clear what you wanted, even before you yelled at me and stormed off."
"You yelled first," she huffed, leaning forwards. "And you were being an idiot. What was I supposed to do? I was trying to help you understand the mistake you were making."
"And then you fucked off and completely ditched me for more than a month, and you're saying you had the audacity to be fucking...surprised when I disappeared?" He seethed, venom dripping from his tone, and she flinched at his profanity.
"What--"
"You made no effort to understand me. None. You made your choice, and I get it, okay, I do. Just-- My plan C was to fucking kill myself. So just be glad that didn't happen, okay?"
Maddie reeled back, unable to stop her jaw from hitting the floor. Evan seemed to realize the weight of his words and he cleared his throat, gripping the edge of the table.
"Um. I don't... I'm sorry. I don't know why I just said that. I didn't mean for it to come out like that." He apologized, gritting his teeth and shaking his head until his features hardened again, any trace of emotion evaporating in front of Maddie's eyes.
"Evan." She whispered, taking one of his hands and tracing shapes into his palm. His shoulders drooped slightly and he closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I am glad you're here, and not...and alive. I missed you so much, more than I thought was possible. And the worst part is, I know how badly I screwed up. You were right to file that lawsuit, I get that now. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. But now, you're here, and I'm here, and no matter what happened while we were apart you're still my brother, and I love you so much."
"I love you too." He said quietly, swallowing.
All of a sudden, the baby monitor that sat on the counter flickered to life, Jee-Yun's cries blaring loudly. Evan flinched, ripping his hand away and standing up, staring at the device. One of his hands quickly flew to his side and made a grabbing motion before he went still, narrowing his eyes.
"Woah, it's okay. It looks like Jee's awake. Let's go say hello." Maddie smiled and got up, gesturing for him to follow her to the nursery. He stood in place for a few seconds before heading after her, his movements stiff and jerky. His gait was odd, she noticed-- he moved quickly and crookedly, almost favoring his left leg. Despite that, she couldn't hear his footsteps, no matter how hard she strained her ears.
She was almost hesitant to let Evan into Jee's room, something about him filling her with unease but it was too late to back down now.
When she opened the door, Jee's crying quieted for a moment before starting up again even louder. She hurried over to her crib and picked her up.
"Mama," she babbled, grabbing at Maddie's face. Maddie checked her over and came to the conclusion that she was just lonely and wanted to be let out of her crib, and Maddie smiled, turning around and holding her out towards Evan once she stopped crying.
He looked uncertain, something behind his eyes softening as he laid eyes on her. "Are you... Is this a good idea?"
"Here you go Jee, say hello to your Uncle Buck," Maddie said, quickly thrusting her into his arms without giving herself time to change her mind.
Jee-Yun screwed up her face for a moment like she was going to cry, and Maddie and Evan both held their breath. After a few seconds of just staring at him in confusion, Jee grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and smiled, her face lighting up.
"Hiii, unca'buck," she repeated after Maddie.
All of a sudden, like his strings were cut, Evan's shoulders sagged and he held her close to his chest, his eyes welling up with tears. He smiled back, his real, full smile that Maddie missed and loved so much.
"Hi, Jee-Yun." The baby poked him in the chin with her tiny finger and he laughed, and the sound was like music to Maddie's ears. "Oh my gosh, aren't you just the cutest thing ever? Maddie, are you sure Chim's the father?" Now he was making jokes!
Maddie stepped closer to Evan and grabbed his arm, leaning against him and tickling Jee in the belly. "Look at that! She loves you already. Maybe she just...knows you're family."
Out of nowhere, like a strike of lightning, Evan broke, bowing his head and tightening his hold on Jee-Yun. He put a hand to his mouth to stifle his sobs and his shoulders shook with the force of them and Maddie-
She didn't know what the heck to do. One moment, Evan was completely void of any emotion, acting like a robot. The next, he was more emotional than she was at the height of her pregnancy, apparently prone to wild mood swings.
"She's so amazing, God, Maddie I'm so f-- I'm so freaking sorry I missed this, I'm sorry," He choked, and Jee-Yun began to cry along with him. He rocked her back and forth and wiped her eyes with his thumb. "No, don't cry please, I'm so sorry sweetie. I should have never left. I thought I was alone. I was so--so stupid--"
"How about you give her back now?" Maddie asked, holding out her arms. Evan nodded, sniffling and giving Jee back to her mom. Maddie placed Jee back in her crib, whispering an apology, and approached her brother again.
"I could have been here this whole time but I-"
"Stop it," Maddie admonished, hugging him for the second time that day, but this time she was the one giving the comfort. "Just breathe."
She rubbed her hands up and down his back and he squeezed her tightly, almost to the point where she couldn't breathe. "I missed you, I missed you."
He wouldn't calm down. No matter how much Maddie tried to exaggerate her breathing he couldn't follow it and he began to shake. Maddie grew more concerned with each passing moment. She hadn't seen him cry so much since he was nine.
"Hey, hey, ssh. What's going on? Are you okay?" She asked, but it fell on deaf ears. Evan pulled away eventually, scrubbing his hands down his face and shaking his head vehemently.
"This is just-- it's too much, I'm sorry I can't-- it's so much," he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut.
Like a switch was flipped, his body jerked back to the ramrod-straight position it was in before, and when he opened his eyes they were blank and cold. A chill ran down Maddie's spine and she took a few steps backwards until her back hit the wall.
"...Evan?"
"I'm sorry you had to see that." He said flatly, running a hand through his hair.
"W-What do you mean?"
"I should probably go," Evan stated, turning towards the door. "Chimney won't want me here. It was... really nice seeing you. I'll try to visit often, I promise."
"Wait, you're leaving? Just like that? You've been here for like thirty minutes!" Maddie exclaimed, running after him as he left the room, making for the front door. "Don't you dare do something like that and just leave. What is wrong with you? You were just crying in my arms like you were dying, or something, and now you've shut me out again!"
"It's complicated," he retorted, reaching for the door handle. She stepped in between him and the door and crossed her arms. "Maddie. Let me go."
"Your 'big macho tough guy' attitude doesn't scare me. Look, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to call Hen to get Chimney to stay over her's, and you're going to stay here for the night. We can go from there."
"You don't want me in your house," Evan warned, his expression darkening. "You don't know anything about this version of me. The things that I've done. The Buck you knew is dead. You killed him."
"Please, can we not fight like this," Maddie pleaded, putting her hands on his chest. He shrugged her off, standing taller.
"I'm telling you--"
"And I'm telling you I don't care. The only reason you're going outside is to get your things, and you're going to set up in my guest bedroom. We can talk in the morning once you've cooled off."
Evan glared at her, flaring his nostrils and locking his jaw. Tear tracks still stained his cheeks and he put his hands in his pockets, looking at the floor, defeated.
"Okay." He practically growled, backing up so Maddie could open the door. She half-expected him to bolt as soon as he passed the threshold of her house but he returned with a suitcase, and she shut and locked the door behind him. She took her phone out of her pocket and dialed Hen, who picked up after three rings.
"Maddie!" Hen yelled, clearly tipsy. Maddie could hear the sounds of the interior of a bar on the other line.
"Hen, I need a favor. It's going to sound weird, but just trust me, okay?"
All Buck expected to do upon returning to LA was stop by Maddie's house. He thought she'd be pissed and quickly shoo him out, and he'd barely get time to wave hello to the baby and give her a gift before he was kicked out again.
He hadn't expected to be kidnapped. Well, kidnapped was a strong word, but his sister was scarier than she had any right to be. Scarier than some of his higher-ups in the SEALS, which was saying a lot.
The last time he spoke to Maddie was the day before he condemned himself to the hell that was work Post-Lawsuit. He'd told her he'd dropped the suit and she flipped out, not understanding why the hell he'd go through all of that trouble and ostracize himself from everyone he cared about just to turn down the settlement. She said that at that point he should have just taken the money, and returning to work would have been even worse.
And she was right, because of course she was. That was another annoying quality of Maddie's.
The day he returned to the 118 was the day he realized his life was truly and fully over. Hen gave him a cupcake, and said she was happy he was back, but then after a few shifts she stepped in line with everyone else. Chimney made snide remarks and rude jokes every ten minutes, sometimes right to Buck's face, sometimes to others, but deliberately loud enough that he'd hear. Bobby totally iced him out, making him man behind unless it was a call where he could do grunt work, and made him scrub the engines at least twice every day.
Worst of all, Eddie didn't even look at him. Buck would enter a room and he'd walk right out. No matter what Buck did, he would ignore every word, call, and text. Buck even resorted to leaving notes in the man's letter but he always found them ripped up and tossed in the trash at the end of shift.
The station that used to be Buck's home turned into a personal torture chamber.
Eventually, it became so hard for Buck to simply get up in the morning that he had to call out sick a few times, but nobody ever noticed. He'd stopped eating, stopped working out, stopped talking-- just slept, went to work, got treated like shit, like a fucking leper, went home, and went back to sleep.
It was like his life was on a downward spiral deep into the ocean, and the further he got the thicker the pressure got and the harder it was to pull himself back up.
But no one noticed. No one cared.
The final straw was when the time came for the monthly Grant-Nash barbecue. Everyone was talking about it, since Bobby had apparently planned on making it extra special for he and Athena's six month wedding anniversary. They didn't seem to care that Buck was sitting at the end of the table too, missing his plate of food since someone 'accidentally' knocked it out of his hands on the way to his seat.
"Only family is invited." Eddie's voice had rung out over everyone else's.
Buck never got an invite.
So, he thought, if he wasn't invited to be a part of their family, they weren't 'invited' to the 'buck gives a fuck about you' group. Party of one.
After that, whenever Chimney had something to say about him, Buck had something to say right back. He shouldered past Eddie the same way Eddie did to him, and rolled his eyes at Bobby when the man he once thought was his father told him to wipe the floors until they were spotless for the fourth time that day.
"You're fired," Bobby had declared one morning, as soon as Buck had walked into the station.
Buck laughed bitterly. "What for?"
Bobby made a show of thinking about it, animatedly tapping his chin with his finger. "Hmm. Making a hostile work environment," he said coolly. "Also because I am the captain and I don't want you here."
Buck had turned and left the station without another word, peeling out of there with his Jeep and not looking back.
He sold his loft and left the next day, not knowing where he was going, just that he had to get away from LA. And when he got the call from his...old job... He didn't hesitate to accept. Because what else did he have?
So, waking up in Maddie's guest bedroom a month after being medically discharged definitely wasn't on his 'now a free man' bucket list.
And the way he broke down in the nursery the previous night was just embarrassing. All he'd wanted to do was have his niece's first memory of him be happy and genuine, and that idea was quickly discarded when he totally flew off the handle, probably traumatizing the poor baby for life.
"Evan!" Maddie called, knocking on his door. Startled, he tried to jump out of bed, instead just getting tangled in his blankets and flopping onto the ground with a loud thud. "Breakfast's ready!"
"What?" He groaned from his spot on the floor, blinking up at the ceiling blearily.
"Howie will be back in like half an hour. You're probably gonna want some food in you when you face him!" She yelled, her voice getting quieter along with her receding footsteps.
Chimney. Right.
He was undoubtedly going to be pissed. Buck didn't understand why Maddie didn't just have him leave as soon as he woke up to avoid any sort of confrontation, but he didn't want to go against her. Leaving for three years had been kind of a dick move on his part, and he had to make it up to her somehow.
And if that somehow was making up with her fiance, then it was just something Buck would have to do.
Buck slowly untangled himself from the sheet he was wrapped in and levered himself to his feet with his bedside table. Every step towards the door sent a twinge up his bad leg and he gazed longingly at his suitcase where he knew his crutch was folded up, but bad day or not he couldn't let Maddie and Chim think he was weak.
Plus, they'd probably go off on how he shouldn't have fought so hard to be a firefighter if he struggled with chronic pain so long after the truck bombing, and then he'd have to tell them he fucked his leg up even worse on a mission-- because he could lie about a lot of things, but a life-altering injury perfectly stacked on top of the 'almost life-altering injury' he'd already gotten? There were only a few explanations that would make sense, and even less that his too smart sister and her fiance would believe.
When Buck made it to the dining room Maddie was setting two plates of scrambled eggs and bacon on the table. She smiled when she saw him as if he wasn't a total jerk to her the previous night, and he concealed his limp as much as possible as he went to sit down.
"You look like crap," Maddie commented, brushing a hand along his shoulder as she retreated back into the kitchen that Buck had to fight not to flinch at. She was always touching him, and the comfort was such a stark contrast to what he had gotten used to the past three years that he was startled by it every time.
"Actually, I slept pretty well." He had only woken up twice throughout the night, which was way less than usual. "I've sorta been sleeping in motel rooms and my car for the past few weeks. It was... Nice. Thank you."
"And you're welcome to stay in that nice bed for as long as you need," Maddie said, putting a glass of orange juice in front of him and sitting down.
"As long as Chim doesn't murder me as soon as he sees me," Buck mumbled.
"Hey. He won't, okay? It's been a long time. You've been gone for almost as long as he knew you." She paused at that revelation, and Buck's fist tightened around his fork. "Who knows, he might be totally over it by now."
"And...what about... Bobby? Or Eddie?" Buck asked, something stirring deep inside him as he recalled their angry faces. He hadn't said their names aloud in a long time.
"Bobby, maybe. I think he misses you, even though he hates to admit it. Eddie though, I don't know. He kind of went off the rails after you left... but that's not my story to tell."
Off the rails. Buck wondered what that could mean.
Maddie raised an eyebrow as he scarfed down his breakfast, and he waited until the plate was cleared to answer her unasked questions.
"Where I was, the food was shit."
"And where the heck was that? Prison?" Maddie questioned, barking out a laugh.
"Sometimes throughout the past three years I would've rather been in prison." He chuckled and she frowned, confused. "It's a long story."
After breakfast he went to put on the nicest outfit he still owned and tried to style his hair in the bathroom, but his curls fought against him and eventually he decided to just let them be and forego the styling he'd gotten used to.
By the time Maddie told him to wait in the kitchen while she greeted Chimney when he came in, his body was tight with nerves. He leaned on the counter and ran a hand down his face as he realized that he actually wanted to stay with Maddie, or in LA at least, until he could reconcile with everyone he'd wronged. If he said one wrong thing he could blow his chance with Chimney forever, and Maddie would have to kick him out, because he'd never make her choose between him and her fiance.
There was the jingle of keys and the click of the lock on the front door and Maddie ran past him into the living room, looking unusually done-up, probably trying to soften the blow as much as possible.
"Hey!" Buck heard Chimney say, and damn, wasn't that a blast from the past. Residual hurt he'd tried so hard to push down threatened to resurface, and Buck reinforced the switch in his brain. He had to stay cool.
"Hey honey! How was your night?" Maddie asked. Buck could hear the slight shakiness in her voice, and he suspected Chim could too.
"It was cool, but... I would have rather slept in my own bed last night," he laughed. Buck heard footsteps start and then stop.
"Wait!" Maddie exclaimed. "Wait a second. There's, uh, something I have to tell you, and you have to promise not to get mad. Okay?"
"What's going on?" Chimney interrogated.
"Uhh, yesterday Jee-Yun got an... unexpected visitor for her birthday." Buck could hear Maddie's voice get louder and two sets of footsteps approach the kitchen, and he tried to position himself as casually as possible, deciding to lean back against the counter with his hands in his pockets.
Wait, no. That probably made him look like a douche.
He put his hands back at his sides.
Maddie pushed Chimney into the kitchen and his eyes widened a fraction upon seeing Buck. He didn't look upset, just confused, and glanced between Maddie and Buck a few times.
"Um. Can you confirm to me that a super buff version of Evan Buckley is standing in our kitchen right now?"
"Yes," she snickered, "a super buff version of Evan Buckley is in our kitchen."
Chimney was quiet for a little while. He looked pretty much the same as he had three years prior, aside from a few additional white hairs and age lines.
"Hi," Buck said after it became clear Chim didn't know what to say.
"That's it? That's all you're going to say? Hi?!" Chim scoffed.
"I don't..." Buck looked to Maddie for help, but she just shrugged pointedly, and he rolled his eyes. "Hello, Chimney. Howi-- Howard. It's been a while. Congrats on the engagement and the uh, baby." He winced at how awkward it sounded. The last thing he'd said to Chimney was probably along the lines of fuck you, you pussy. Actually, it was probably worse.
"Congrats on the bulk," Chimney replied, narrowing his eyes and flexing his hands at his sides. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Buck shrugged, opening his mouth to speak, but he apparently took too long.
"Do you know how upset you made Maddie? She waited for you to return every single day you were gone! It was destroying her life! You couldn't even have the decency to show up for the birth of our child?" Chimney grit out, taking a few steps forwards.
"I was..." overseas, getting shot at and blown up as I performed classified missions for the US military. "Occupied."
"If you're 'occupied', you show up the next day. Or the next week. Or the next month. Not the next year!" His voice got louder and more intense as he spoke, and Maddie started to look worried.
"I thought I 'wasn't family'. So why does it even matter? You wanted nothing to do with me, and I bet you were happy that I wasn't around to ruin your life anymore."
"Evan!"
"You know what? Yeah. I was. But then after about a year, reality set in. You can't just-- we were all pissed off about the lawsuit. But it was just that- a lawsuit. You made such a big deal about it, and then just took off one day! What was the point of all of that?" Chimney asked incredulously, tossing his arms up in the air. "Was it all just one big joke?"
The closer Chimney got to him, the harder Buck had to fight against his body's impulse to punch him in the face. He couldn't believe how hypocritical the man was being. Any semblance of guilt flew out the window.
"I was making a big deal? You made it a point to make my life a living hell!" He shot back. "I tried to fix things. I gave up everything to get back to the 118. And you just-"
He cut himself off abruptly as he felt himself getting worked up. His sister was still there, and he was still trying to make a good impression on her too.
"Bobby would have let you back eventually, man!" Chimney stopped at arm's length from Buck. "Why didn't you just listen? We all wanted you back, Bosko wasn't replacing you. You didn't need the damn lawsuit!"
Buck dug his fingernails into his palms until he was sure at least one had broken the skin there. His entire mind was filled with threat threat defend defend and he grinded his teeth together.
"Get back." He warned. Chimney reached a hand towards him and Buck inhaled sharply, not trusting himself to not attack the man.
This was a mistake. He shouldn't have integrated himself back into Maddie's life so quickly, fuck, he could have hurt her last night.
He felt like a tightly coiled spring just waiting to pop. Emotions were dangerous.
"And I... sort of missed you. Maybe, a little bit. But Maddie missed you more, okay? I'm just mad for her sake. I-- you need to understand that you can't fix this by simply showing up and expecting things to go back to normal." Buck knew what he was saying was actually kind of decent, he knew that, but all he could focus on was how Chimney's hand was on his shoulder and he didn't want it there.
"Ah. Um. I, I know. I just, I just wanted to try." He was practically vibrating, and his leg ached from how rigidly he was standing, but he was afraid to move.
"Howie, stop!" Maddie chided, standing between them and lightly pushing Chim backwards. "It's great that you guys are actually talking. But you can do it from a little further apart, okay?"
Buck exhaled and took a step back, wincing and glancing down at the small crescent moon shaped imprints in his palms, a few red and bleeding. He closed his fists to hide it and shook out his tense limbs.
Maddie moved from between them and Buck looked down at Chimney, his head clearer.
"I already apologized to Maddie, but... I guess you could maybe use one too. I'm sorry I missed Jee-Yun's birth, and everything else over the past three years. In the long run, I wasn't really intending to come back and shake things up, so I'm sorry about that too. I guess I just couldn't stay away." Buck explained tensely, and Chimney nodded.
"Okay. Thank you."
"See? Was that so hard?" Maddie asked, and both men glared at her.
"I'm going to bed, my head still hurts from last night," Chimney said, kissing her as he passed by her on the way out of the kitchen. The tension in the air finally lifted and Buck straightened up, planning to leave too.
"Ev-- Buck. Hold on. Are you okay?" She took his hands and opened his fists, examining the damage. Perhaps he was more obvious than he had thought.
"It's just, It's been hard for me to..." He stopped. Nothing he could say would make sense without context. "Listen. I'm not ready to tell you where I was, and I don't know if I ever will be. But a lot has changed about me, okay?"
"Mhm," Maddie hummed, bringing one of his hands closer to her face to look it over and Buck pulled it away.
"Maddie. I'm serious."
Maddie looked up into his eyes, brown meeting blue.
"Okay. Okay, Buck. But I trust you, and you need to understand that too."
Buck smiled to the best of his ability.
She had no idea what she was getting herself and her family into.