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There were a few reasons Yahaba never locked his bedroom window. One of those reasons was that his bedroom was on the back side of his family’s house, and someone would have to vault over their fence, probably scaring his mom’s pint size Pomeranian which would effectively wake up everyone in the entire house before they got a chance to crawl into Yahaba’s window.
The second reason was that Kyoutani knew how to pick the lock on his family’s fence, and could get in without causing the previously described commotion that comes with unsuspected intruders.
The third reason was also Kyoutani, who really hated the awkwardness of coming through the front door, greeting Yahaba’s parents and sister, before finally getting to escape with Yahaba to the solitude of his bedroom.
Kyoutani only came over if he was in trouble, either with his grades or school. More frequently he came over when he was upset, usually with his dad. Leaving the window open was intended to be Yahaba’s way of showing that Kyoutani was welcome to come over whenever he wanted, not just when he felt sad. But instead, the unlocked window had turned into a sign that said “Dr. Yahaba, Personal Therapist, Open 24 hours a day”!
Not that he minded. Volleyball practice had become a lot more pleasant since the old third years left and Kyoutani started coming over when he needed something. It was weird to feel like Kyoutani trusted him, and maybe even enjoyed spending time with Yahaba. But a good kind of weird, like the feeling of laughing gas after getting your wisdom teeth pulled. Life would be so much more painful without it, just like Yahaba’s life would’ve been more painful if Kyoutani continued to growl at him every time he walked into the locker room before practice.
Yahaba was glad Kyoutani trusted him. He honestly was. But the whole “my window is always unlocked if you need someone to talk to” thing wasn’t meant for 4am Kyoutani.
It was meant for 8pm Kyoutani who came home to a drunk dad after practice and needed someone to hang out with for a few hours. It was meant for 6:30 am Kyoutani who wanted to get out of the house before his dad woke up after they had a fight the night before. MAYBE it was meant for midnight Kyoutani who got tired of wandering around by himself in the dark after his dad got over-dramatic and kicked him out again.
It definitely wasn’t meant for 4am Kyoutani because 4am Yahaba was never awake at that time. Sometimes he got lucky at midnight, and Yahaba always woke up at 6 to shower and make breakfast his sister. But 4am Kyoutani meant 4am Yahaba was waking up to kick his covers off, cursing the humid heat and wondering if by some stroke of bad luck the AC had broken.
But then 4am Yahaba sees that his window open, and the papers he had left on his desk before he went to bed are flapping in the early morning breeze before falling to the floor. With a sigh, 4am Yahaba becomes every day Yahaba as he flops a hand on the top of Kyoutani’s head, startling him out of whatever self-loathing inner monologue he was going through at the moment.
Kyoutani was leaning against his bed, sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up nearly to his chest. He had probably been leaning his chin on his knees before Yahaba woke up. But now, Kyoutani’s head was leaning back, nearly touching the mattress as the top of his head bumped Yahaba’s knee. He said nothing as he watched Yahaba with wide eyes, trying to place the details of his face in the dark room.
“How long have you been here?”
Kyoutani shrugged, his scruffy hair itching Yahaba’s knee through the thin sheets as he moved. “15 minutes maybe.”
Yahaba sighed, scratching Kyoutani’s hair with the hand still sitting on his head. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You were snoring, so I figured you needed the sleep.”
If 4am Yahaba had been even 6am Yahaba, he probably would have thrown one of his pillows down towards Kyoutani, hopefully hitting him square in the face but probably missing and hitting his bedroom door instead. But 4am Yahaba hoped he could solve his friend’s problem and get a few more minutes of sleep before the sun came up, and it would be a damn shame to have to get out of bed to retrieve his pillow when Kyoutani refused to get it for him. Plus, Yahaba could see the weird sense of sincerity in Kyoutani’s eyes and despite the little jab at his snoring, Kyoutani did seem somewhat concerned that he had woken Yahaba early on a Saturday morning.
But behind the minimal concern that he had woken Yahaba up was the real reason Kyoutani had come through his window before the birds had even started chirping. Kyoutani had always been a master at masking every emotion other than irritation or rage, but over their short time as teammates and partners, Yahaba had learned the telltale signs of defeat and sadness that shone through on Kyoutani’s shoulders.
“Want to talk about it?” Yahaba dropped his hand from the top of Kyoutani’s head to his shoulder, grinning to himself when Kyoutani jerked his head towards the tickle of Yahaba’s fingers on his neck.
“Nah nothing to talk about. You’ve heard it all before.” Kyoutani caught Yahaba’s hand in his own when the silver haired boy started tracing a finger around his ear to irritate him. Yahaba laughed as Kyoutani pinned his hand against his shoulder, figuring that Kyoutani thought that was a less dangerous place for his hand to be.
“Why are you here then? I can’t imagine you’d just want to see me in the middle of the night for no reason?” The taunts belied the amusement in Yahaba’s voice. He played with the idea of Kyoutani coming over just once because he wanted to spend time with Yahaba, rather than needing an escape from his shitty home life. But that was too far outside of Kyoutani’s character. Kyoutani only chose him as his refuge because their homes were the closest to each other. If Watari lived closer, Yahaba was sure Kyoutani would pick him to pester at 4am.
Still, Kyoutani’s answer to his question made Yahaba think that maybe he was wrong. That maybe wanting to spend time with Yahaba and escaping from his home were the same thing for Kyoutani. It wasn’t like it was a rare occurrence to have Kyoutani at his home. It wasn’t the same as Yahaba going to Watari’s house after school because his mom was in one of those moods, and it wasn’t even the same as Yahaba asking Kyoutani to join them when they went out because god forbid he enjoyed the companionship the gruff boy brought.
It was almost like Yahaba was Kyoutani’s escape. But that was too much of a stretch, especially when they had only been close enough to call each other friends for a couple months now.
“I didn’t have any ice cream at my house.” Kyoutani’s answer was so simple that Yahaba couldn’t believe it at face value.
Yahaba squeezed Kyoutani’s shoulder, his hand still snuggly held underneath Kyoutani’s calloused palm. “Isn’t there a 24 hour grocery store across the street from your apartment?”
“Yeah….”
Yahaba waited, hearing the unspoken ‘but…’ at the end of Kyoutani’s thought. When he received no further response, Yahaba squeezed his fingers into Kyoutani’s tense shoulder once more. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, but I knew you had some.” Kyoutani squinted at him through the dark, daring Yahaba to challenge him or dig deeper again. But of course, their relationship wouldn’t be the same if Yahaba didn’t pester Kyoutani when given the opportunity.
“The last time you were here was Wednesday. We could have easily eaten it all since then.”
Kyoutani raised an eyebrow, straightening his back so he could turn more towards Yahaba, still lying snug in his bed. The new position cast Kyoutani’s face in blue moonlight from the open window, illuminating some of his facial features but casting others in a harsh shadow. Frightening if Yahaba didn’t know the soft features underneath by memory.
“You always have ice cream.”
With a sigh, Yahaba sat up and pulled his legs out his tangled sheets. Kyoutani moved over enough that Yahaba wouldn’t kick him on accident as he stood. Using Kyoutani’s head as leverage, Yahaba pushed himself out of bed. “Wait here.”
Yahaba expected a grumble or curse at the rough treatment, but Yahaba only got a small ‘okay’ from Kyoutani as he closed the door of his bedroom behind him. Whatever was bothering Kyoutani dulled even the normal snark that he normally spit out with ease.
Yahaba snuck past his sister’s and parent’s bedroom, being extra careful to step over his mother’s dog that had decided to sleep in the middle of the hallway that night. Kyoutani wasn’t wrong when he noted that Yahaba’s family always had ice cream in their freezer as it was often the first remedy Yahaba used when trying to soothe one of Kyoutani’s moods. But his mother would surely notice the next day when she was making a list for the grocery store that someone had taken the last two bars out of the freezer. Oh well. He’d deal with that when he didn’t have a sulking puppy in his bedroom.
Returning to his bedroom, Yahaba let the door click shut softly before sliding down to sit beside Kyoutani on the floor. He’d let Kyoutani sit on his bed if he thought the real reason he came over was for ice cream, but he figured that most of the bar would end up in a melted mess in his trashcan from the dejected way Kyoutani was acting.
Yahaba handed Kyoutani his ice cream bar as he stretched his legs out in front of him. Kyoutani followed suit, finally relaxing a little as he unwrapped his treat and took a huge bite. Yahaba laughed as Kyoutani cringed away from the cold.
“Don’t make a mess.”
“I’m not.” Kyoutani frowned as he took a more tentative nibble of the chocolate coating around his ice cream, intentionally bumping Yahaba’s knee with his as he pouted.
“I’m not saying you are. I’m saying don’t.” Yahaba pushed Kyoutani’s knee back with his own as he settled in with his own ice cream bar. Kyoutani huffed but didn’t fight back again, leaving Yahaba’s leg pressed against his own as they both fell into a comfortable silence. As Yahaba expected, he finished his treat before Kyoutani was even half done, and he reached up to his bedside table to get a tissue Kyoutani could clean his hands with.
Kyoutani muttered his thanks, saving his jeans as he licked a stray drop of melted vanilla off the side of his hand.
“You eat like a child.”
It could be the early morning light, but Yahaba swore he saw Kyoutani’s face turn three shades darker. “Shut up.”
“You can’t come barging into my window in the middle of the night asking for ice cream and then tell me to shut up.” Yahaba pressed his shoulder against Kyoutani, gently pushing him to get his point across.
Kyoutani grumbled in indignation and shoved Yahaba back before losing his spurt of energy. With a pathetic sigh, he dropped his head onto Yahaba’s shoulder.
A thousand snide and sassy responses to Kyoutani’s unexpected display of affection run through Yahaba’s head, but none of them dared to make their way to his lips. Not when Kyoutani was acting so out of character and upset. Even Yahaba wasn’t that cruel.
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“Can’t I just come over to hang out without having to answer a million questions?” Kyoutani’s voice was a whisper when Yahaba expected a snap. Yahaba glanced down at Kyoutani out of the corner of his eye, the other boy’s head still snuggly rested against his shoulder. Kyoutani was awkwardly fidgeting with his fingers and picking at his cuticles as he stared blankly at Yahaba’s wall.
With a whisper, Yahaba shushed him as he grabbed Kyoutani’s hand to still him. “Not at four in the morning you don’t.”
Yahaba was sure Kyoutani would pull away when he felt him stiffen and freeze up, but it was pleasant to feel Kyoutani’s fingers slowly fold between his, easily accepting the comfort.
“Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me anything right now if you don’t want to.” Yahaba shifted slightly as Kyoutani nodded his head, allowing their hands to sit more comfortably on the tops of their legs. “I just need a good reason to tell my dad why he woke up with you here when you weren’t here when he went to bed.”
Yahaba winced as Kyoutani squeezed his fingers in a death grip. “You tell your parents the shit I tell you?”
Yahaba tried to squeeze Kyoutani’s fingers just as tightly as Kyoutani held his. When his fingers started to go numb, he stretched out his hand, hoping Kyoutani would get the hint. “Calm down, it was just a joke.”
Kyoutani lifted his head from Yahaba’s shoulder and gave him a fiery look, almost as if Kyoutani didn’t believe him.
“I would never tell anyone what you tell me unless I thought you weren’t safe.” Yahaba rubbed his thumb against Kyoutani’s hand until he relaxed again. Almost as if it was an afterthought, Yahaba added, “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Kyoutani grunted to let Yahaba know he had heard, but had no intention of saying anything else right then. Yahaba accepted it, knowing Kyoutani would tell him in time. He never did well with being pressed, and always did the opposite of what you wanted if you pushed him. Kyoutani sort of reminded Yahaba of his mom’s Pomeranian that always pulled backwards on its leash whenever Yahaba tried to pull him forward, but haughtily pranced forward whenever he was given some slack.
For now, silence was fine as they watched the orange light of the rising sun slowly slip across Yahaba’s bedroom floor and up the opposite wall. The window was still open, as neither Yahaba nor Kyoutani had remembered to close it earlier. Yahaba could hear the sounds of birds and his parents beginning to wake up as he tried to focus on the slow, relaxed sound of Kyoutani breathing. He knew he’d have to explain Kyoutani’s presence as soon as his mom came to wake him up, but for now, their silence was comfortable, and Yahaba didn’t want to move.
Silence was an escape, just as Yahaba hoped he was an escape for Kyoutani. It was relaxed, unrushed, and something that Yahaba never got to enjoy with anyone else. Maybe in a way Kyoutani was an escape for him too. He broke up Yahaba’s routine, barging into his perfectly planned life at unexpected and sometimes inconvenient times. But when Kyoutani went home and Yahaba was left with his regular day-to-day again, he never felt bitter towards Kyoutani for disturbing his plans. He was only bitter at the fact that Kyoutani had to leave at all, and he was forced to find a way to fit himself back into the box he had built for himself where everything was good and perfect and the same.
6am Yahaba decided as the rising sun warmed his toes that 4am Kyoutani wasn’t so bad.
Maybe a little sad, a little unexpected, and a little bit in need of a hug, but not so bad.
Yahaba decided with a yawn that maybe the next time 4am Kyoutani came around, he wouldn’t ask so many questions. Maybe just hug his shoulders and invite him to sleep on the floor. Or beside him, if the night was cold or rainy. Whatever 4am Kyoutani needed, Yahaba would try to provide, even if he was sure it was going to be different each time.
An ear to listen, a hand to hold, or an ice cream bar to demolish Yahaba could provide for his 4am Kyoutani.
Though in the back of his mind Yahaba knew he would welcome Kyoutani into his room and his arms at any time of day. As long as it was Kyoutani, 4am is the same as 4pm or midnight or midday. Kyoutani was Kyoutani and Yahaba wanted to be the one he turned to when he needed to run away to something brighter for a while.