Chapter Text
turntechGodhead opened memo "lets put this on the table where we can all see it"
turntechGodhead invited tentacleTherapist, grimAuxiliatrix, gallowsCalibrator, arachnidsGrip to the memo
TG: we need to talk about karkat
TG: for reasons ill never understand the guy is a favorite subject around here
TG: and i dont need to tell anyone that of the people on this meteor he consumes way more than his fair share of the decibels and im not always thrilled with it
TG: but i cant be the only one to have noticed the bruises hes been picking up
TG: and i know youre all about to suggest that i put them there strifing with him
TG: but lets establish right now that theres no way any of them were me
TG: for one ive never gone at it with him bare knuckle
TG: but more importantly even with my unimpeachably superior combat prowess i dont think i could just plant one square over his eye like you all had to have noticed last time we all met in the kitchen
TG: he may fight like a kitten with polio and three broken legs but hes not totally defenseless
TG: either hes been falling down a lot of fist shaped stairs or someones beating him senseless on a semi regular basis
TG: and hes letting them
grimAuxiliatrix began responding to the memo
GA: Nobody Thinks That Was You Dave
GA: It Was Most Likely Vriska
TG: wow right away
TG: no hesitation to sell her up the river
TG: jumping on that shit like a used car salesman just waiting for the rubes to blunder onto the lot
TG: pouncing with a sixty thousand mile extended warranty and an installment plan at seventy percent interest with no down payment
TG: and a layer or two of truecoat while youre at it
GA: Im Sorry But It Appears As Though Your Cryptic Metaphor Has Sailed Right Over My Head Once Again
GA: Could You Please Explain The Concept Using Smaller Words
GA: Preferably In A Sequence That Is Not Quite So Deliberately Obtuse
TG: yeah sure here goes:
TG: and not to impugn your judgement
TG: but why the fuck would she do that
TG: arent they supposed to be best platonic-except-not soulmate life partner pile pals or something
GA: Yes Indeed They Are
GA: Proving That He Is Robust Enough To Withstand His Moirails Rages Can Frankly Only Be Good For Karkats Self Esteem
GA: As I Understand It In His Relationship With Gamzee He Was Unable To Perform Such A Function Due To The Dramatic Disparity In Strength Between Them
GA: And On The Other Side Of The Coin I Dont Believe Vriska Ever Felt As Though She Could Safely Lash Out Against Me In Such A Way Without Fear Of Endangering Our Moirallegiance
GA: It Is Nice That Both Of Them Have Fallen Into What Appears To Be A Serendipitous Pale Relationship
TG: ok lets rewind a little
TG: shes been hitting him and you knew about it
TG: and not only is this not cause for concern this is something you actively encourage
GA: Encourage Is Not The Word I Would Choose But I Am Happy For Him
GA: And I Suppose For Vriska As Well
TG: i dont know if we rewound too far or not far enough
TG: im wearing the tape out over here trying to figure out where we were at
TG: big lebowski up ins
TG: wandering into the theater in the middle of the movie wanting to know whats going on
TG: shut up donny daves talking
TG: wondering what the fuck is wrong with yall if its not too bold to ask
TG: isnt beating your alien wife into a coma because she overdid your grubsteak supposed to be exclusive to one of those other quadrants
TG: not that its any less objectionable but at least shits contained
gallowsCalibrator began responding to the memo
GC: OBJ3CT1ON!
GC: DUR1NG OUR 4BORT1V3 M4T3SPR1TSH1P 1 F4MOUSLY 4DM1N1ST3R3D R3GUL4R C4N3 DRUBB1NGS TO M1ST3R V4NT4S TO NO 4PP4R3NT 1LL 3FF3CT
GC: B3YOND H1S CONST4NT COMPL41N1NG
GC: WH1CH 1 DONT TH1NK 1 N33D TO T3LL 4NY OF YOU 1S P4R FOR TH3 COURS3 W1TH K4RKL3S >:]
TG: see i always figured that was just a harmlessly weird habit of yours
TG: kind of like
TG: well everything else about you if im being totally honest
TG: minus the harmless part but lets not go down that road again
TG: except at this point im not sure we can avoid it
TG: were already hurtling down fruity rumpus domestic abuse hotline highway
TG: the bridge is out up ahead someone cut the brakes and if we go below seventy miles an hour well explode
TG: looks like were going to have to jump
TG: them duke boys have got themselves into a big old lick of trouble
TG: get it lick
tentacleTherapist began responding to the memo
TT: My brother is spinning no small amount of yarn and avoiding succinct expression of what exactly it is he’s objecting to here.
TT: Thus the task once again falls to me to set the record straight.
TG: uh rose i think youll find if you look that those words i just typed up and sent express my feelings on the subject exactly as they came into my head
TT: I’m sure.
TT: In brief, violence against one’s romantic partner was in many human societies, including the one that produced us, widely frowned upon as one of our more heinous crimes.
TT: This sort of thing was considered an enormous social problem which filled the pages of countless academic and non academic journals alike.
TT: The subject is an uncomfortable one for many people and to see all of you treat it so glibly would in many circles be viewed as a sign of moral defects on your part.
GC: 4R3 YOU T3LL1NG M3 1T 1SN’T CONS1D3R3D NORM4L FOR HUM4NS F3M4L3S TO OCC4S1ON4LLY L4SH OUT PHYS1C4LLY 4G41NST THOS3 CLOS3ST TO TH3M?
GC: OR FOR TH3 M4L3S TO DUT1FULLY 4BSORB SUCH PUN1SHM3NT 1N TH3 1NT3R3ST OF P4C1FY1NG TH3M?
GC: B3C4US3 1F SO TH4T 3XPL41NS 4 LOT 4BOUT YOUR SP3C13S
arachnidsGrip began responding to the memo
AG: Namely what l8me nerds you all are!
AG: And let me just say that this 8ullshit is so typical.
AG: I finally have one unam8iguously good thing in my life and you losers try to yank it away.
AG: 8ecause someone’s 8eing an oversensitive wriggler who doesn’t know a healthy p8le rel8tionship when they see it.
AG: That someone 8eing all of you 8ucket kickers!
GA: Nobody Is Doing Anything Of The Sort
GA: If You Look We Were Merely Ruminating On The Numerous Intriguing Differences Between Our Respective Races
AG: 8uzz off, Maryam!
AG: Don’t think i cant see what you're up to, indulging your natural urge to meddle and scheme and prod and fuss.
AG: Trying to get 8ack in my diamond, even.
AG: Well it wont work, and you can all 8alance your concerns on the tip of my 8ulge!
GC: VR1SK4 YOU 4R3 3MB4RR4SS1NG YOURS3LF
GC: 1 WOULD H4V3 HOP3D TH4T YOUR OBNOX1OUS P4R4NO14, WH1CH 1N 4NY OTH3R TROLL WOULD B3 4DM1R4BL3 BUT WH1CH YOU T4K3 TO SUCH R1DICULOUS 3XTR3M3S, WOULD H4V3 B33N ON3 OF YOUR N3G4T1V3 TR41TS MOD3R4T3D BY K4RK4TS L3G3ND4RY CONC1L14TORY PROW3SS
GC: BUT 1T S33MS TH4T D3SP1T3 HOW STUP1DLY 4DOR4BL3 TH3 TWO OF YOU 4R3 TOG3THER, TH1S 1S JUST 4N 3SS3NT1AL CH4R4CT3R1ST1C OF VR1SK4 S3RK3T TH4T W3 W1ll H4V3 TO 3NDUR3
TG: so wait you dont even try to deny it then
AG: What, that sometimes I knock some sense into him?
AG: He's not some wriggler a8out to 8urst like a 8alloon every time anyone lays a hand on him!
AG: You've all seen how much 8etter hes gotten about 8ruising, now that he doesn't have to hide his gross 8lood from anyone.
GA: This I Can Attest To Personally
GA: I Do Not Believe He Would Ever Have Allowed Me To Feed On Him If It Had Not Been For Your Work With Him In That Regard
AG: Damn str8.
AG: And don't think I haven't noticed how you've 8een holding him while you snack, 8itch.
AG: I can practically see the 8ig white diamonds in your eyes every time you 8ite down!
GA: First I Am Waxing Pale For You
GA: Now It Is For Him
GA: Perhaps You Should Ensure That Your Slander Is Internally Consistent Before Airing It For All To See
AG: Pale for me, pale for him, who says you can’t 8e 8oth?
AG: You were always the village two wheel device in the ash, who’s to s8y you haven’t swapped to the next quadrant over?
GA: Well I Do Not Believe That Is Something You Will Ever Need To Worry About Again Vriska
GA: You Are Doing A Fine Job Of Making The Prospect Of Occupying Any Of Your Quadrants Totally Unappealing
TT: If I might wrangle the conversation in a slightly more productive direction.
TT: No, it was not considered acceptable for members of our species to pummel their intimate partners for the purpose of relieving stress.
TT: Or for any other reason.
GC: W3LL F4R B3 1T FOR M3 TO 4RGU3 W1TH HOW YOU D1D TH1NGS ON 34RTH, 4S BOR1NG 4S TH3Y USU4LLY W3R3, BUT LOOK 4T 1T TH1S W4Y
GC: 1F 1T R34LLY BOTH3R3D K4RK4T H3 COULD JUST BR34K 1T OFF
GC: H3 W4S 4BL3 TO 3ND 1T W1TH G4MZ33 SO W3 KNOW H3 1SNT ON3 OF THOS3 TROLLS WHO ST1CKS 4ROUND 1N 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P WH3N TH3Y W4NT OUT FOR THE S4K3 OF SP4R1NG SOM3ON3S F33L1NGS
GC: OR OUT OF F34R OF B31NG 4LON3
AG: Well fuck you too!
GA: I Believe She Was Referring To Me
AG: Oh.
AG: W8 no, thats still totally insulting to me for a different reason!
AG: Fuck you too times two!!!!!!!!
GC: TH3 PO1NT 1M TRY1NG TO M4K3 H3R3 1S TH4T K4RK4T 1S ST1LL W1TH H3R OUT OF H1S OWN CHOOS1NG
GC: THUS D3MONSTR4T1NG TH4T TH3R3 1S NOTH1NG TO WORRY 4N 1NEXPLIC4BLY P4L3 H41R ON YOUR PR3TTY L1TTLE H34DS 4BOUT
GC: C4SE CLOS3D
GA: I Must Agree That I Do Not See What The Problem Is
TG: wow ok
turntechGodhead ceased responding to the memo
GC: >:?
GA: Agreed Query Hook
AG: Good riddance!!!!!!!!