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"Dean?"
"Yeah?"
After chaos, everything was separated to bring order.
The seas and the dirt that plunged within its bitter waves became simply sea and dirt, the gray neutral heavens that was equal to everything else were broken into that of light and dark.
And then, that's what I didn't understand - what is the purpose of having polar opposites, what's the use of dividing what was once a single soul into two different things?
Isn't it better if the world lived by the same heart beat; connected from its roots to its fingertips - no wars that destroyed fathers and mothers, no ships that sailed from one conflict to another, but rather a simple united existence?
However, He said: "It's to bring peace, Castiel."
"Peace?"
"Then, shall this world become such, and I will create humans. Ones after the image of your brothers and sisters, and instead of blinding wings to fly, they must walk the earth on two feet."
"I see."
"Castiel?"
"What is it, Father?"
"You must love them more than your kin, and more than me." I looked up to him, and with that I shook my head. That's beyond impossible.
"I...cannot do that."
He chuckled, "I understand." With that, with the smallest speck of his grace and light, he held it high above my head. He took the fire that blazed from my wings; the dirt that once melded with the sea and grasped them on his palm as it slowly formed into a substance.
"But I must show you, that definitely, you will." With the same mixture, he divided it into two. They were equals, yet both were still different anyhow. He called one he, while the other he named she. Before I knew it, they walked the earth with wondering eyes, a contented smile on their faces. They moved differently from any creature, and they were kind to everything they've seen.
"Aren't they beautiful?"
From above, I sat and watched them. Hours and hours passed, days turning to mere seconds. I couldn't tear my eyes away from their eyes, down to their nose and mouth - the entirety of their beings that were beyond masterpiece.
I also noticed how they acted differently around each other, the look in his face as the morning sun hit her face, the way she smiles wider as he goes and how between them, they've created a world where love pursued.
"Do you see it?"
"I do."
Those two creatures, I thought, were definitely once the same, like the dirt that once dwelled within sea and the dark that once kissed the light.
And, it fascinated me that their love made them whole again,
and made everything safe and sound once more.
"I...I just wanted to say that, that-"
"You're stuttering. Is something wrong?"
"No, that is not the case."
For the next million years, I watched each and every one of them, and I realized each one was unique in their own. Even when the nature of evil persisted within them, they fought and remained hopeful despite their weaknesses as human. Nevertheless, one thing made them all the same, which were the pain they are all capable to feel, and the love they are all tend to give
However, one man stood out from the rest - with soul that would not tear;
with skin that would not feel, and heart that would not breathe.
He was loved, but instead of a normal life, a cruel fate was laid before him as his birth right. I have protected countless humans; have been a knight to countless kingdoms and guided them to the destiny they are meant to fulfill, but I knew that he was different, and that child didn't deserve it.
"I...you're important to me." He was silent, his eyes watching me with hidden thoughts training behind them.
"You're important to me too, Cas."
"Dean, I think you already know by now that..." He averted his eyes, head dropping low.
"What?"
"...that I'm in love with you."
I have guarded him the moment he was born - chosen and marked by the angel Castiel, they used to whisper. No one touched him so freely, and I even prevented certain tragedies from occurring, but I guess that it wasn't enough. It didn't stop the demons from hunting him, tainting his innocence as he lost the key to going back, and for the first time I felt pain clench my insides with absurd force and gravity.
I never planned to be involved with Dean, but at the same time I cannot leave his side. I might have done the biggest mistake in my life, and there are moments I thought I did - but at the end I never regretted them.
Gradually, I earned his trust, his anxious and doubting expression turning to that of soft and gentle. I began to look for the peace that I lost hold of, and who knew that his tears and laughter would bring it to me - tenfold?
I truly wanted him to feel the same; truly wanted to be pick up his pieces - but he built a wall around it, keeping them scattered on the cold floor, thinking that if he were to break again, then it wouldn't hurt as much.
"I know." His voice was cold, his tone lifeless than a dead body.
That night, I left, and we didn't talk for a few days. Then, Sam called for me, and the usual hunting adventures began, our last conversation burned in the depths of our minds and I never mentioned it again - not even once.
It plagued my mind like a disease with no cure, until one day, he returned to smiling widely at me as he called me brother once in a while as if to assure himself; and I realized,
Sometimes, the peace is not returned. And for the umpteenth time, my heart was not needed. It was in the way of our goal, in the way of saving humanity.
And though it took me weeks, I learned how to bite my tongue and smile back.
I was too foolish -
I forgot to see behind the greatness of his mask
and the blood on his lips,
that I kept asking for more than half a heart,
when it wasn't whole from the start.
"I shouldn't have said that." My voice trailed.
"You can't take it back." He mustered.
"I know." Tears rimmed my eyes, but I blinked them away. "But don't let it shackle you." I leaned to him, his green eyes widening from the feathery touch of my lips. He was frozen and didn't push me away, which I'm glad he did, or else I won't be able to handle that well either.
"You are free from here on." Dean gasped for his breath, his eyes now truly shocked and strained.
Unknown to those teary blue eyes, Dean also learned how to hide his cries in his dreams, always thinking of the man who was out of arm's reach. He had wings and halos while he had fangs and sins, and no matter what he would never let that angel cut his wings just to fall in his arms.
Although he's broken, his pieces piling endlessly - it didn't matter, because within tiring nights, an angel would watch him sleep and he would feel himself mend slowly back together. Rough hands would also envelope his hard ones, and as he did that it's as if he's lending his heart to his empty chest, fitting it like they once shared a heartbeat.
They were a forbidden match, fated lovers that were made to never meet,
but Dean can only blame himself for feeling that way - for finding peace in Castiel tenfold.
"This is my dearest goodbye."