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Smile wasn’t going to judge X for taking a long shower, but it certainly was getting on his nerves. An hour? Was X avoiding him?
… Was he avoiding him? Smile frowns, well as best as he can, and approaches the bathroom. There’s no sound other than the water running; it doesn’t even sound like someone is under it. Strange. He knocks on the door and gets no response.
“X?” he calls out. Still, nothing. Had he just left the water on? “I’m coming in,” he announces, opening the door. For an hour long shower, the room was surprisingly cold and steamless.
“X?” he calls again, not even seeing a silhouette in the shower curtain. This was getting creepy, actually. “X?” he asks one more time, knocking on the shower curtain. He still gets absolutely nothing, so he pulls it back.
X is still in the shower. Confusingly, he’s in his hero form; white hair wet and hanging limply. But not only that, he is huddled in the tub, hugging his knees, and not even touching the water which was only luke warm. His head is between his knees, and he gives no reaction to Smile opening the curtain. Smile sighs and puts his hand on X’s shoulder. He is startled by X jumping 10 centimeters high and turning his face away, shielding it from Smile like he was blinding.
“X, it’s just me. Didn’t you hear me?” Smile prompts. His brow furrows. X was incredibly cold to the touch, unnaturally so. Something was very, very wrong.
“Schatje?” Smile tries once more. X doesn’t even twitch at the petname, but he does shiver.
The world is a million colors and sounds, text and lines and shapes all overlapping to the point X doesn’t know what anything is. He doesn’t even know where he is. The feeling of a hand on his back scares the absolute shit out of him. He can’t even handle looking at whomever was touching him, can’t even identify what colors he sees in the milisecond he has his eye open. His head is killing him and his ears are filled with static. But the hand on his back does nothing, and the sounds around him dial down by maybe one point. Someone is here. The hand on his back… he can feel it clearly. He can’t begin to describe what kind of floor he was on, but he can tell exactly how the fingers on his back are splayed. Their ring finger and pinkie were right next to each other, and everything else was spread. And then it’s gone.
Where am I?
Smile watches him shiver and gets up and grabs a towel. He hesitates, remembering how X had jumped before. It’s like he has no idea I’m here… He carefully lays the towel across X’s shoulders, making him jump again, but less this time. Smile has the overwhelming urge to hug him. He tucks a hair behind X’s ear, heart dropping as the other flinches again.
He suddenly recalls an old conversation. What had X said?
“ I see the edge of reality, Wéixiào, on everything. Like a 4 th dimension. Most days, I can handle it. Some days?” He snaps, and his visage glitches violently before returning to what it had been. “I can’t even feel my own skin.”
Smile grimaces. This must be the result of that, surely. He has no idea what he can even do for him in this state. But he will find out.
He carefully runs his hand over X’s back, partly to help dry him off, and partly for the physical contact. X starts bouncing his knees, and Smile takes that as a sign of progress.
“Can you hear me?” he asks. This time, X gives a little nod. That’s a relief.
“Can I dry your hair?” He’s afraid that one wrong move may shatter X, he was like porcelain right now. X shudders. That’s not an affirmative, so Smile rubs a circle against X’s back.
“Can you try to look at me?” he requests.
The prospect honestly terrifies X a bit, but he wants to see Smile, needs to remember what yellow looks like. So he slips an umber eye open. Bad idea. He sees every color at once, a scribble and a jittery wire-frame, a really bright flash, and has to squeeze his eye shut again. He bounces his leg with an increased intensity, trying to shake it all away.
When Smile sees X open his eye, it’s only open for about a second, unfocused and darting around before snapping shut. Smile’s heart sinks, but he knows he’s the only one who can help X right now. He steels himself with a deep breath. I need to make X warm and comfortable.
“Lieve, I’m going to dry your hair,” he says, pausing for 3 seconds to see any form of protest. Receiving none, he picks up the towel and gently wipes it down X’s hair. X shivers as some water trickles down his back, and Smile apologizes softly. It was strange seeing X’s hair like this. It made him look like a rain-soaked kitten. He gently ruffles the towel over his head. Okay, now that was truly odd, seeing Hero X with messy fluffed up hair. Smile smooths it down the best he can.
“Do you think you can stand?” he asks softly. X shakes his head. Hm, okay, perhaps too grand a step. “Can I hold your hand?” he asks. He really wants to get X into a cozy bed and let him rest comfortably, but he does not want to push him. Despite the hero being right in front of him, Smile misses him dearly.
X tries not to shiver again as he starts to register temperature. He can hear Smile, though he sounds like he’s speaking through an old radio full of static and difficult to understand. He wants to hold my hand… X lifts his hand, but it feels like it’s made of lead. The cold in his bones intensifies as a warm hand locks fingers with him. He wishes he could speak, but his tongue is made of cement and words of every language are foreign to him. He feels helpless.
They sit like that for a few moments, and X tries looking at Smile again, seeking his comfort. Smile gives him a sad smile. “Hi, schatje,” he murmurs, kissing the back of his hand. X’s eye slips closed and he hides his face again. His eye had looked red, had he been crying? The thought makes Smile’s heart shatter. He has to make this better.
“Can you try lifting your index finger for me?” X hears faintly. He tells his body to move, but he can’t even feel his own hands, just the warmth against them. “Good,” he hears Smile say. Did he actually succeed? He’s told to raise his thumb, and he can feel a buzzing form in the tips of his fingers as he obeys. He shivers again. Smile asks something about the bed. The bed sounds nice. He wants that. His fingers twitch.
The voice speaks again. “I’ll be right back, I promise.” The warmth vanishes, and X feels like he just got dropped into a dark pool. Don’t leave me! He tries to look after Smile, but the world is still too blinding. A railspike drives through his skull as he fervently looks for a flashbang. The world is mildly clearer, at least. He can tell where the lights were. Something is moving towards me, he processes, muscles tensing. Smile, for it had to be Smile, runs a hand through his hair, and his body relaxes.
“I’m going to carry you to the bed, if that’s okay?” Smile asks, voice full of concern. He gives X a reassuring smile even if he didn’t feel it, even if X couldn’t see it. We’re going to smile again. X blinks slowly, then the eye stays open, which seems to be a good sign, and he nods slightly when Smile asks. He wraps his arms around X, and just touching X sends a shiver through him. How was he so cold? He picks X up with superhuman ease, feeling the warmth of his own body leech into X. He didn’t mind, X clearly needed it. He starts to feel guilty that he didn’t do this sooner.
Smile sets X down on the bed on top of a towel he had set down. Smile doesn’t want to let go of him, if he’s honest, but he needs to make sure X is dry. Which his butt very much was not, as he had been sitting in a puddle. Smile buries his face in X’s shoulder for a moment. He’s warming up…
X’s aware of the movement, but he doesn’t want to look at where they are. He didn’t care right now, he could have been in the street for all he knew. But he does look up, trying to see Smile. What does yellow look like? It hurts. The railspike drives through his skull again, and he squeezes his eye shut, not registering as a tear slips down his face.
It’s a fair statement to say that Smile never expected X to be anything like this when they had first met. He certainly hadn’t thought he’d ever get to care for him like this. He mentally smacks himself. Task at hand, idioot. He presses a soft kiss to X’s shoulder before reluctantly letting go of him and using the towel to finish drying him off. X has stopped bouncing his knees, which Smile hopes is a good sign. He tosses the towel aside and decides to strip off his shirt, so he can offer X the maxium of his warmth.
X feels himself shifting around, like the surface below him was… Well it was the bed, wasn’t it? The sounds in his ears suddenly shut off, like someone turned off a fan. He hears rustling and is grabbed without warning. A strong arm is around him, he’s sure of it, and he feels something settle on top of him. They must be under the covers. He feels fingers on his back again and feels a sigh leave his throat. He feels safe.
Please come back to me, Smile begs silently, shoving down the shame at his selfish desire. He holds X’s head against his chest, trying not to shiver. Dread creeps at the edge of his consciousness. What if X doesn’t get better? He shakes his head. Belief. He has to believe that X will get better.
-
Smile wakes up to empty arms. Was it a dream? A hallucination? He slips an eye open. The curtains flutter from a gentle breeze, and a silhouette is outside. The smell of cigarette smoke wafts over him, and he groans and sits up. His back pops in at least three distinct spots as he stretches. He drops his feet over the edge of the bed and hesitates. No slippers. He had floated them to bed. He sighs and stands, stretching one more time before he heads over to the balcony.
“Goeiemorgen,” he greets, voice thick with sleep. X was back to his black-haired self, though he had his glasses up on his head.
“Zǎo,” the other returns, tapping ash into the ashtray. He turns to look at Smile, face weary.
Boxes are popping up in X’s vision, surrounding Smile with colors and words. Mustard, Gamboge, Xanthous. He feels real, he is alive. He smiles. That’s what yellow looks like. Smile returns the smile, eyes soft. Café Noir.
Smile feels dumbfounded at the smile, but returns it. He didn’t even do anything! Did he look funny? His hair was probably a mess. “What? Do I have something on my face?” he jokes nervously.
“Just everything I wanted to see,” X says, adoration dripping from his words. Smile’s heart swells.